Percy loves Hapi and anyone who disagrees can fight me on that- and also, come on she's ten she'd find the idea of taking Hapi pills funny.
Replies:
Guest: I laughed at your review but I must correct you on what would happen.
Christians: She is the messiah!
Percy: Yes! Bow before me!
Sadie: You must all worship her!
Carter: For fuck sake you two stop teasing the Christians.
Guest: Setne doesn't exactly hang around in usual circles and all of the gods know who she is from word of mouth and rumors- so he's picked up on those.
Batmanuchiha: She's also met Nephthys, don't forget her! But you did make me laugh.
Guest: I mean, it would be funny. And Percy would do it on purpose.
DrizzleRain: It's a possibility but at this stage I won't say for sure because like- that's a lot of writing and all, and I've got lots of stuff I need to write so yeah, maybe but not certain yet.
It was very quickly clear that the god was indeed on their side.
He was so huge that he made the hippo look tiny- his skin was a dark blue, darker than Osiris' skin, he had shaggy brown hair full of river muck and his belly was hugely swollen, and he seemed to be wearing nothing but a loincloth made of fish scales.
"BRRRAAHHHHH!" The hippo lunged, but the blue giant grabbed its bottom teeth and stopped it cold. "Yay!" the blue giant bellowed. "Hippo toss! I love this game!" He swung his arms in a golf swing motion and launched the monster out of the water.
Few things are stranger than watching a giant hippo fly. It careened wildly, kicking its stubby legs as it sailed over the marshlands. Finally it crashed into a limestone cliff in the distance, causing a minor avalanche. Boulders collapsed on top of the hippo. When the dust settled, there was no sign of the monster. Cars kept driving down the river road. Fishing boats went about their business, as if blue giants fighting hippos was nothing remarkable on this stretch of the Nile.
"Fun!" the blue giant cheered. "Now, who summoned me?"
"Uh, over here!" Carter called out from the Egyptian Queen, even as Percy flew towards him and landed on his shoulder, pecking his ear.
And Percy watched as the giant made very quick work of mooring the Egyptian Queen, and soon all of them were on the shore, and Percy transformed back as Zia sat down and started wringing the Nile water out of her hair.
Setne was hovering next to Carter looking quite smug, even though his arms were still tied. "So maybe next time you'll trust me, Carter Kane!" He nodded at the giant, who loomed over them, still grinning like he was really excited to be with them. "May I present my old friend Hapi!"
The blue giant waved at them "Hi!"
His eyes were completely dilated. His teeth were brilliant white. A mass of stringy brown hair fell around his shoulders, and his skin rippled in different shades of watery blue. His belly was much too big for his body. It sagged over his fish-scale skirt like he was either pregnant or had swallowed a blimp.
"Hapi?" Carter's brows furrowed.
"Why, yes, I am happy!" Hapi beamed. "I'm always happy because I'm Hapi! Are you happy?"
"Hapi is the god of the Nile," Setne explained. "Along with his other duties, Hapi is the provider of bountiful harvests and all good things, and so he is always—"
"Happy," Carter guessed.
Zia frowned up at the giant. "Does he have to be so big?"
The god laughed. Immediately he shrank down to human size, though the crazy cheerful look on his face was still pretty unnerving.
"So!" Hapi rubbed his hands with anticipation. "Anything else I can do for you kids? It's been centuries since anybody summoned me. Since they built that stupid Aswan Dam, the Nile doesn't flood every year like it used to. Nobody depends on me anymore. I could kill those mortals!"
He said this with a smile, as if he'd suggested bringing the mortals some home-baked cookies.
"Actually yes." Carter's expression was his thinking face, "See, Setne suggested I summon you to deal with the hippo-"
"I coulda dealt with it-" Percy pouted, "I was enjoying myself-"
"You had to turn into a bird to avoid being eaten." Carter shot back without faltering before Hapi spoke up.
"Oh, Setne!" he chuckled and pushed the ghost playfully. "I hate this guy. Absolutely despise him! He's the only magician who ever learned my secret name. Ha!"
Setne shrugged. "It was nothing, really. And I gotta say, you came in handy many times back in the old days."
"Ha, ha!" Hapi's smile became painfully wide. "I'd love to rip off your arms and legs, Setne. That would be amazing!"
Setne's expression remained calm, but he drifted a little farther away from the smiling god.
"Um, anyway." Carter shifted slightly, "We're on a quest. We need to find this magic book to defeat Apophis. Setne was leading us to the ruins of Memphis, but now our boat is busted. Do you think—?"
"Oh!" Hapi clapped excitedly. "The world is going to end tomorrow. I forgot!"
"You forgo-" Percy's mouth snapped shut when Carter elbowed her.
"Right. So, if Setne told you exactly where we were going, could you take us there? And, um, if he won't tell you, then you could rip his limbs off. That would be fine."
"Yay!" Hapi cried.
Setne gave Carter a murderous look. "Yeah, sure. We're going to the serapeum—the temple of the Apis Bull."
"Keep looking at my brother like that and I'll rip off your limbs." Percy gave the ghost a fake sweet smile, her eyes glinting, and Setne met her glare for glare as Hapi smacked his knee.
"I should have figured! Brilliant place to hide something. That's pretty far inland, but sure, I can send you there if you want. And just so you know, Apophis has demons scouring the riverbanks. You'd never get to Memphis without my help. You'd get torn into a million pieces!"
He seemed genuinely pleased to share that news.
Zia cleared her throat. "Okay, then. We'd love your help."
Carter turned to look back at the Egyptian Queen, where Bloodstained Blade stood at the railing, awaiting further orders. "Captain," he called, "wait here and continue repairing the ship. We'll—"
"Oh, the ship can go too!" Hapi interrupted. "That's no problem."
"Uh-" Carter blinked, "Okay, belay that order, the ship is coming with us. Once we reach Memphis, you'll continue repairs and await further orders."
The captain hesitated. Then he bowed his ax-blade head. "I obey, my lord."
"Great!" Hapi said.
He held out his palm, which contained three slimy black orbs like fish eggs. "Swallow these. One each."
Zia wrinkled her nose. "What are they?"
"They'll take you where you want to go!" the god promised. "They're Hapi pills."
"What now?" Carter blinked and Percy giggled, she couldn't help it.
"I want the Hapi pills." she declared quickly, grinning. And Setne was clearing his throat. He looked like he was trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, you know. Hapi invented them. So that's what they're called."
"Just eat them!" Hapi said. "You'll see."
And who was Percy to say no to taking Hapi pills- and okay she just wanted to be able to tell Sadie and Felix that she'd taken Hapi pills to see the look on their faces.
And okay, okay it tasted horrible, and Percy instantly felt dizzy- and she could distantly that Zia and Carter had taken their pills as the world almost seemed to shimmer like water.
"It was nice to meet you!" Hapi cried, his voice turning murky and distant. "You do realize you're walking into a trap, don't you? Okay! Good luck!"
And with that Percy's vision went blue and her body melted into liquid- which was a very strange feeling- not bad necessarily- not for her anyway though she imagined it was worse for Carter and Zia. They weren't so intimately connected with the water.
If she'd had a body she'd have laughed as she felt herself seeping inland through the mud, traveling at incredible speed. When she hit the hot sand, she evaporated, rising above the ground as a cloud of moisture, pushed west by the winds into the desert. Percy couldn't exactly see, but she could feel the movement and the heat. Her molecules agitated as the sun dispersed me. Suddenly the temperature dropped again. Percy sensed cool stone around her—a cave or an underground room, maybe. She coalesced into moisture, splashed to the floor as a puddle, and then she rose and solidified once more.
Percy let out a little whoop as Carter and Zia reformed next to her- Carter buckled to his knees, vomiting and Zia clutched her stomach, groaning.
Percy took a moment to take in their surroundings- they seemed to be in the entry tunnel of a tomb. Below them, stone steps led into the darkness. A few feet above, desert sunlight blazed.
"That was horrible," Zia gasped. And Carter was nodding, still letting out soft groans as Setne materialized just outside the doorway, smiling down at them.
"So, did I come through again, or what?"
Percy's eyes narrowed when she noticed that his arms were free.
Annoyingly enough he looked perfectly happy, jeans and T-shirt freshly pressed, Elvis hair perfect, not even a spot on his white running shoes, whereas Percy, Carter and Zia were all muddy and wet- well, Percy wasn't wet so much as just muddy.
She did resist the urge to laugh when Carter staggered into the sunlight and threw up on him. Unfortunately, it seemed that he'd thrown up everything in his stomach and he was a ghost, so nothing much happened. "Hey, pal!" Setne adjusted his golden ankh necklace and straightened his jacket. "Some respect, all right? I did you a favor."
"A favor? Don't—ever—"
"Never Hapi again," Zia finished for him. "Never."
"Awe." Percy pouted, "I liked him-"
"You're crazy you don't count."
"Aw, c'mon!" Setne spread his hands. "That was a smooth trip! Look, even your ship made it."
And Percy blinked- mostly they were surrounded by flat, rocky desert, like the surface of Mars; but beached on a nearby sand dune was a slightly broken riverboat—the Egyptian Queen. The stern wasn't on fire anymore, but the ship looked like it had taken more damage in transit. A section of railing was broken. One of the smokestacks was leaning dangerously. For some reason, a huge slimy tarp of fish scales was hanging off the pilot's house like a snagged parachute.
Zia muttered, "Oh, gods of Egypt—please don't let that be Hapi's loincloth."
Bloodstained Blade stood at the bow, facing in their direction. He had no expression, being an ax head, but from the way his arms were crossed.
"Can you fix the ship?" Carter called to him.
"Yes, my lord," he hummed. "Given a few hours. Sadly, we seem to be stuck in the middle of a desert."
"We'll worry about that later," Carter said quickly.
"Get the ship repaired. Wait here for us to return. You'll receive more instructions at that time."
"As you say." Bloodstained Blade turned and started humming at the glowing orb, which stirred into a flurry of activity.
Setne smiled. "See? Everything's good!"
"Except we're running out of time." Carter's voice was unhappy and Percy followed his gaze. The sun was high in the sky- the day was wearing on. Carter was right they were running out of time with a lot still to do. "Where does that tunnel go? What's a serapeum? And why did Hapi say it was a trap?"
"So many questions," Setne said. "Come on, you'll see. You're gonna love this place!"
"And by that you mean we're gonna hate it." Percy declared, but she started down the steps quickly, Carter letting out a slightly panicked noise and rushing after her, Zia right behind him.
The steps down led to a wide hall chiselled from golden bedrock. The barrelled ceiling was so low that Carter didn't even have to stretch to touch it- though Percy was still too short for that.
It was easy to see that archaeologists had already been there, from the bare electric bulbs that cast shadows across the arches.
Metal beams braced the walls. Percy forced down her nerves- it wasn't very spacious and she wasn't a big fan of enclosed spaces, they brought back memories of when everything had started, of being tossed into the sedan by the Carriers when Set had sent them to capture the three Kane siblings- and gods but that felt like a lifetime ago.
As if Carter could sense her thoughts he reached out, grabbing her hand tightly, threading their fingers together. And Percy swallowed hard, shooting her brother a sidelong glance.
"I'm here." Carter's voice was soft, "No ones taking you anywhere. I didn't let them then and I won't let them now."