Trigger Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Domestic Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Notes: Another take on modern women in Thedas and how they come to be there. There will be trauma. Triggers are listed and will be updated if needed. Please be safe and considerate of your own health if you decide to read.
Chapter 1: United By Fear
It started like any other day. At least, any other day in the past six months. Get up. Get ready. Take Tank out. Go to the local gas station to get Nat his two energy drinks and pack of smokes. Put said drinks in the fridge so they're ready when he wakes up. Appease him so that the day starts out right.
Hannah shut the fridge and put the smokes on Nat's bandana in the office. Skulls and crossbones, his favorite one. She made her way to the living room and shuffled out of her thick layers, kicking off her rain boots she used to march through the foot of snow. Shivering, the small woman sniffled and made her way to the couch to cozy up under a thick, weighted blanket. Once settled, Tank took it upon himself to join her.
In a house with three adults, mornings were Hannah's only time to herself and that time was sacred. This was her window to do as she pleased and she booted up the PS4 to play some DAI. Sadly, Hannah lost her original save and console in her recent divorce. She'd had hundreds upon hundreds of hours invested, only for someone to break into the ex-hubby's and steal his console anyways. Hannah pouted. He should have let her have it.
Tan fingers punched the buttons to load her character, a vast contrast to herself as it wasn't brown orbs staring back at her - or a human for that matter. No, the blonde elf's green eyes stared back blankly. They did share similar petite body builds, save for the avatar's much fuller chest. Hannah wrinkled her freckled nose, a sneeze escaping. She hoped she wasn't catching a cold. The grey pitbull caught the movement, suddenly alert and was reassured with pets. "I'm okay." Hannah nuzzled back into the couch, her long dark brown hair cascading over her shoulder.
Hannah was, perhaps, an hour in when she heard the light footsteps of Ash. She paused her game and looked over to greet the woman as she made it to the bottom of the stairs. "Good morning."
"Morning," Ash greeted with a yawn. Dark brown met light blue, but only Hannah smiled.
Ash was about as vain or proud as any regular woman. She didn't think she was particularly special, but if you asked Hannah? She'd light up and giddily tell you that Ash was beautiful; that her eyes contrasted perfectly to the dark smokey makeup and black clothes she wore or how the freckles that covered her body from head to toe was her favorite feature. She'd gesture an hourglass with her hands to emphasize her shapely woman body, telling you that she's perfect. Yes, Hannah was smitten with the taller woman.
"Is he awake?" the brunette asked with a timid, hushed voice.
Ash shook her head, her vibrant, artificial red waves swaying. "No, he's out." And with that, she made her way to the restroom to touch up her makeup she fell asleep in.
That was about the time Hannah's phone started buzzing. Ever faithful to the contraption, she began to check her messages. Brows furrowed at the combination of nonsense and telling her to turn on the news, a message from her mother. The Barrel's house didn't have cable, choosing to stream instead. So Hannah got to work, looking into things on her phone. She selected one and turned up the volume.
"Wormholes, or portals as some have come to call them, are opening all over the world. Thus far, the cause of the phenomenon is unknown. If you should find one, remain calm and immediately report it to your local authorities. Do not go near it. Do not interact with it. We have had an increasing number of missing persons since they began appearing. Scientists are working together to study this phenomena-"
Hannah frowned, removing herself from the couch and slowly drifting towards the large restroom Ash was in. The door was open, so she let herself in. Blue eyes glanced at her before returning to the mirror. The small woman climbed on top of the washer and made herself comfortable as she played through more videos.
Ash was in the process of opening her mouth when Nat walked in with a clenched jaw, making a beeline for the toilet. Hannah averted her eyes with a quiet, "Good morning." Ash rolled her eyes at the man.
"Turn that damn thing off! " He'd snap before moving into complaints about everyone trying to call him on his fucking day off. Hannah jumped, the phone slipping from her hands and smacking against the floor as the video continued. Nat shot a death glare to the young woman as she fumbled to the ground, apologizing as she snatched up the phone and paused the video. Ash met his stare and mirrored it. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded, staring the small woman down only for his wife to step in the path.
"Go. Smoke," she'd order. "I'll start breakfast." Honey colored eyes stared into blue angrily, nostrils flared. Nat clenched his jaw one, two, three times before storming out of the room.
"Thank you," Hannah whispered. Ash didn't respond. She just flicked her eyes in the woman's direction and exited to start her task. She'd find Nat in the kitchen, digging for one of his energy drinks before grabbing his smokes, coat, and going outside with the slam of a door.
Reluctantly, Hannah also left the bathroom. Her personal time had come to a close. She turned off the console and TV and made her way to the bar. Taking a deep breath and laying her head on her hands over the bar, she tried to relax. It could still be a good day.
The taller woman's hair was up in a ponytail now so as to not get in her way. Breakfast was a mixture of scrambled eggs, breakfast potatoes, and shredded bacon. There were a variety of hot sauces already on the counter for the different preferences. Ash was the cook of the trio, a surprising fact considering that Hannah and Nat were both co-workers in the kitchen of a bar and grill.
The fact was that cooking was a way for the red head to express herself. Baking, in particular, was something she did when she was sad. There was something to be said about the mass amount of fruity breads and pastries decorating their counterspaces. As the woman worked, the tension would slowly start to ease from her shoulders, further helping Hannah to relax. She enjoyed watching Ash work for a reason. Catching those brown eyes on her, the older woman would give a little smile.
It was about the time Ash was making up their bowls that Nat returned inside, noticeably calmer with a different air about him. He snatched his bowl and hot sauce before his wife could offer it to him and joined Hannah at the bar, seating himself in what would be the center. With a huff, she grabbed the other bowls and sauce and soon joined them, serving the other woman. The trio sat in silence for a few peaceful bites of breakfast before Nat would break it.
"I'm going out-"
"Why?" Ash displayed her signature bitch face. He huffed and Hannah shrunk into her food.
"I want to see a portal-"
"After you exploded at Hannah for listening to videos about it?"
"Oh, fuck off. I was tired."
"How do you know it's even legit?"
"It's all over the news. See?" He showed her his phone. That actually surprised her. Nat was always suspiciously protective over his privacy.
"Well, why can't we go out?"
"What?" Nat deadpanned.
"We never do anything together. When's the last time we had a date?"
"Are you serious?"
The couple stared each other down in seething silence.
"I think it would be fun," Hannah quietly piped in. "Like an adventure."
Nat gave an aggravated sigh. "Fine." He waved his hands in the air.
Breakfast flew by after that. It wasn't often that the girls got their way. The triad was gearing up in their winter gear, Ash decked out in black and red, Nat in black and lime green, and Hannah? Well, Hannah was from the south. She wasn't quite used to what the negative temperatures could get to, so she dressed in an abundance of thick layers. If Tank wanted to take her out, slobbery kisses galore, she would be utterly at the pitbull's mercy, unable to get up. Once Nat had his long brown hair in its traditional bun and his bandana on, they were ready.
Tank followed them to the door, whimpering. The women looked to Nat and he sighed. "Fine." With that, they all shuffled to Ash's beat up, grey van. The married couple took the front seats with Nat driving while Hannah sat back with Tank.
The group didn't have a specific destination in mind, but the regular updates pinging Nat's phone from his friends would narrow down where not to bother. They clearly weren't having much luck, either. Any portals in the city would be blocked off, so it was best to stay rural. Brown eyes stared out the window at the falling snowflakes. If there was a portal nearby, they'd surely see it. The area was flat enough, they could see where the earth curved. Hannah hated this state.
As it was, though, they ended up parked between a couple abandoned trailers and an equally abandoned Mexican bar. Ash wrinkled her nose and voted to stay outside with Tank while the other two looked around. She wasn't missing out on much. The exploring pair would find nothing except a ton of leftover broken glass, needles, and bloodstains in the first trailer. Hannah did her best to waddle through the tiny trailer without touching anything. Nat lit a cigarette as they wandered out and towards the next.
Doing her best to hobble into Nat's footprints, Hannah followed the man's lead. He stood a solid foot taller than her and a few inches taller than Ash. Brown glanced back to blue and Hannah shook her head. The red head nodded in response before sitting back in her seat. The cold wind whipped harshly and the small woman covered her cheeks with gloved hands. "Why did I move where the wind hurts my face?"
The second trailer was in a similar state as the first. Most notably, there was no portal. Once the two were out of Ash's eyesight, though, Nat turned around and pinned the awkwardly bundled woman to the wall. She was helpless. Nat liked to do this a lot. The three were supposed to be an established triad, but he treated their relationship like a secret. Hannah wasn't sure what upset Ash more: the fact he hid it, or that he and Hannah were allowed to be a thing, but he would get jealous when the women bonded. It didn't help the situation any that he gave Hannah more positive attention than his own wife. The triad had been his idea after inviting the brunette to move in after her divorce. This was supposed to be fun.
"Hi…" Hannah said awkwardly, shifting in place.
"Hi." Nat replied smoothly before dipping his head in and pressing his lips to hers. They were warm. A gloved hand wove into her long hair. He was gentle... She liked when he was gentle. The feeling in her gut, though, wouldn't go away. He was doing this on purpose. He knew Hannah wouldn't say no and that it would rile his wife up. However, whenever she confronted him, the situation would be twisted to make her the bad guy. Six months of this and Hannah was getting good at reading him, not that it helped her.
The man's tongue slid across her bottom lip and they would part obediently. Nat took immediate advantage, pushing her further into the wall and diving in. He pinned her down at every opportunity and a wandering hand surprised her, caressing her between her legs ever briefly. She squeaked, startled.
Nat smirked and pulled away, honey eyes satisfied. He winked and turned away, exiting the trailer and lighting up a new cigarette. Flushed and warm from the events, Hannah tried to get her breathing evened out. Her eyes darted to Ash and sure enough, she caught that seething glare. The brown gaze dropped and continued after Nat to the Mexican bar.
Ash watched the pair go as Tank's tail beat her leg with its wagging. She breathed in deeply before exhaling through her nose. Nat was doing his victory swagger walk while Hannah looked like she'd be hiding a tail between her legs if she had one. Ash was no stranger to these incidents. Nat was gloating and taking advantage of the shyer woman. She was his shiny new toy and he was going to exploit her until he got bored. She hoped she'd be able to protect Hannah when that happened.
The bar was a disaster. Someone had already raided the registers, slamming them on the ground. Chairs were thrown about. Windows were broken or cracked. And, of course, there was no portal. Nat clenched his jaw and Hannah reflexly flinched. Nat fortunately didn't notice or he would have gotten more angry.
The pair exited the bar and returned to a wagging tail and raised eyebrow. "Want to tell me what took you so long in the trailer?"
Hannah didn't meet Ash's eyes. Fortunately, they were glued on Nat. He groaned. "Seriously? We were talking."
"About what?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Because it does." Suddenly, a change of tactics, "Did he kiss you?" Hannah turned red. Ash smiled smugly at Nat with a winning expression.
"Why does it matter?" he asked.
"Because you hide it. Because you get jealous anytime her and I do anything together. You're the one that wanted this stupid triad and it's just you getting what you want."
Hannah tried to look at anything besides her partners. Tank. Tank was a good boy. He looked just as unsettled, though. She knelt down the best she could in her getup and comforted the dog to comfort herself. When the Barrels got started, there was no stopping them.
Nat dropped the half burned cigarette and moved into the red head's space in a second. "You want to say that again?" he asked dangerously.
"You heard me."
He took advantage of each inch he had over her and loomed before gripping her arms. She flinched. He pushed his wife back until her back hit the van. "I am the man. I am the alpha. You listen to me. If I want to kiss Hannah, I'm going to kiss Hannah. If I want to have sex with Hannah on the kitchen table-"
The brunette whipped her head in his direction so hard her neck popped.
"-I'll fucking do it and you just try and stop me. She is my girlfriend and you are my wife. You belong to me and only me. Got it?" He squeezed and Ash tried to maintain her furious glower.
"You're hurting me," Ash spoke bitterly. Nat pulled and shoved her against the van a final time before releasing her. Everyone was quiet. Even Tank had his tail tucked between his legs. He didn't even let a whimper out.
The man made his way to the driver's door. Hannah wanted to ask if she was okay, but those watering eyes said everything. Slowly, Ash got in the back with the pitbull, leaving the passenger seat for Hannah. The short woman got in reluctantly and kept her eyes out the window and into the seemingly endless snow.
That fight really riled the eldest Barrel up; he was driving exceedingly too fast for the amount of snow that was on the road. And in an area as flat as this, the wind did a good job of whipping swirls of snow that could throw even the most skilled driver off the road. Ash held onto Tank, but didn't comment until he actually started swerving, losing control. The van fishtailed dangerously as they hit a patch of ice
"Slow the fuck down." Ash would snap, holding onto the dog.
"Fuck you."
"No, seriously. We're going to end up in the ditch. Slow down." Nat sped up.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Don't challenge me!"
"I'm not challenging you. We're going to end up in a ditch. This is my fucking van. Slow down."
Brown eyes glanced forward and- "Portal!" Nat did the dumbest thing he could do. He slammed on the brakes. The van spun out. He gripped his steering wheel. Hannah had one hand on her seatbelt and another on the door. Ash held onto poor Tankers who had no protection. The van did a 360 into the ditch where it got stuck in the snow.
Everyone paused. Everyone was quiet. Until they weren't.
"You. Fucking. Dumbass!" Ash growled.
Her husband ignored her. He was looking for the portal Hannah had screamed about. Said person was doing a mental checklist to make sure everyone in the van was alright. Tank looked absolutely startled.
Ash continued on, but Nat got out and slammed the door shut. Ash wasn't through with him; she got out and marched right up to that idiot. "What the hell was that? Why is everything a challenge with you? I wasn't challenging you! Now we're in a fucking ditch, Nat! We're going to have to wait for a tow truck and-"
Nat gave an exaggerated groan and turned on the woman. "Will you shut up? Just once?"
Hannah waddled over with Tank, eyes on the horizon, to where she was certain she saw the portal. It was green and shifted like distorted light. She scanned the sea of white and- there.
"No. Someone has to stand up to you."
That got the man's attention. "What was that?" he asked slowly, turning to her. Ash responded with a smug, 'I said what I said' expression. "Bitch, you are fucking asking for it today." He had a wicked, dangerous smile.
"No one asks for it from you, Nat."
"Hannah does." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, taunting her.
"Huh?" The short woman's attention was grasped.
Ash glared. "She doesn't have to ask you for anything. She's the one you're always pining after. Go ahead. If you like her so much, kiss her."
"Are you fucking serious?"
"Yes, Nat, because she's the only one you care about. I'm the one covered in bruises. And if Hannah and I even try to get close, you throw an absolute fit. This isn't a triad, Nat. This is you cheating."
"Oh my god. I've fucking had it with you today!" He growled, hands balling into fists. "You just make shit up when you don't get your way! You kiss her!" Hannah's eyes darted between the two, confused with where this was going and desperately not wanting to be in the middle of it again.
"Why? So you can beat me afterwards?"
"I'm not a wifebeater." He sounded disgusted.
Ash laughed at that. She threw her head back and let it out like it was the most hilarious thing she'd ever heard. Her husband fumed and looked at Hannah, who averted her gaze. His jaw clenched before returning his sights to his wife.
"I'm not!"
"Whatever you tell yourself, Honey!"
Nat saw red. He stormed forward and Ash braced herself for him, the smile still clear on her face. He was right upon her when he stopped and turned to Hannah. "Do you think I'm a wifebeater?"
It was the most awkward question she'd ever been asked and her expression was very telling, as was her pause.
"Wow," he hissed. "From you."
"I'm s-sorry," Hannah stammered, looking down.
"No, no." Nat made his way towards her, "Don't be sorry. It's your opinion. Fucking own it." He stopped in front of her and she shrunk into herself. "Don't. Walk. On. Eggshells. Around. Me. I hate it when you do that."
"I'm sorry."
"Leave her alone-"
"No! I want to hear what she has to say. We all know your opinion. You haven't stopped talking all day. I want to hear from Hannah." Brown eyes begged blue for help, but Nat didn't relent. "Do you think I'm unfair to you? Do you think I don't let you two 'bond?'" Hannah shrugged. Ash tried to interrupt again, but was interrupted as he continued. "Are you my dirty little secret, Hannah?" he asked softly, grabbing her chin and forcing the brunette to look up at him. "Do I hide you?"
'Yes,' she thought. She shook her head, though. He let her go, turning to his wife with a triumphant sneer; her blue eyes responded by rolling disgustedly.
Hannah shuffled her feet. Without making eye contact, "You're being mean," she said softly. It was probably the closest she'd come to standing up to him.
"Fuck was that?" he snapped, turning back on her in an instant. She shrugged for lack of anything to add. His right hand shot out and gripped her cheeks, squeezing. "I said, fuck was that?"
"Nat!" Ash yelled, taking a warning step forward.
"No! She wants to talk back, she's going to learn."
His grip was rough, the complete opposite of before when he had kissed her. When he had gotten what he wanted. The man waved her face back and forth before forcing her to look up at him again. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, knowing better than to try and pull back.
"No, you're not."
"Let her go, Nat!" Ash was closer than she was before. Brown eyes shifted and noticed Ash's hand was on the man's arm. He scoffed, but he released his hold. Hannah wasn't sure when the tears started forming or when her hands began to tremble. She sniffed, quickly wiping them away as Nat was looking at her like she was pathetic.
And then, honey shot to blue. "You want me so bad. Fine." He gripped Ash by the neck and said lowly, "I'm all yours, Sweetie." And with that, he shoved her face down into the snow, hand still latched on. Tank began to bark, pawing and patting the ground with his front paws.
Crawling on top of her, he bent down so that his mouth was next to her ear. Hannah's heart raced, her mind rushing as she tried to figure out what to do. Face down in the snow, Ash screeched, fighting and trying to throw her husband off. Desperate, Hannah's eyes darted around, searching for help, only for glowing green to once again catch her attention. The portal was still there in the distance… Focusing back to the situation, tears brimmed her eyes. Ash always stepped in for her, despite the pain it brought her. Always.
Nat looked up toward Hannah, his face still inches from Ash's. "Don't listen to Ash; don't love Ash!" he demanded, forcing the woman's face deeper into the snow before turning back to his wife, yelling and spitting and- Hannah couldn't hear anymore. Her ears were ringing, but one foot was moving in front of the other. And repeat. And suddenly the small woman was on Nat's back, arms wrapped around his neck.
The reaction was instant. He released Ash, backed up in a squat, and flipped Hannah so that she was in front of him and he was throwing her on the ground. Powdered snow flew. And he was upon her, hand wrapped around her neck, honey eyes burning with fury.
Scrambling up from the snow, Ash only needed a moment to take the scene in before she was moving. Taking immediate advantage of the distraction, she went for the gun she knew was tucked into his pants. The click of the safety turning off cut through the air and everything stilled.
Nat chuckled. "You don't have the balls!"
"I don't need them. Let her go. Now," the red head hissed, finger moving to the trigger. She'd had enough of this. Pushing his luck, Nat lifted Hannah's head before shoving her back and releasing her. She thanked the snow for the soft landing.
"Step away." She nudged with both the gun and her head.
He looked unimpressed, but raised both hands and did as was said. "You're so fucked."
Ash didn't respond to him. She quickly glanced at Hannah, who was getting face nuzzles from their pitbull. She'd be okay. "We're leaving."
"Where?" her husband snorted, that damn cocky attitude remaining, even with a gun on him.
"No, we're leaving. Your triad is a failure. I'm taking Hannah and Tank and we're going," Ash decided.
Nat laughed before realizing she was serious and then started yelling. He made a grab for Hannah, declaring that Ash couldn't have her as she tried to scramble away while Tank moved between them with a low growl.
The gunshot pierced the noise and he was silenced. Hannah did a mental checklist and everyone was okay; it was a warning. "Come on," Ash ordered, keeping the weapon trained on the man now frozen with fear. Hannah scurried up and behind her as Tank moved to his mistress' side. He preferred the womens' company and would protect them. "You, in the van. Now," the red head would order, nodding to the busted vehicle. Slowly and with hands raised, Nat would stand and shuffle into the drivers side, the door slamming behind him.
And with that, they left him stranded. Hannah wasn't sure how to process that since it was Ash's van and they'd have to go home - not home - to get their things. They would need somewhere to stay- she'd have to change jobs! The brunette didn't have any money because Nat was expensive and had kept a grip on her funds. Her mind raced from one thought to another and she turned her head in the man's direction to see him staring them down with an expression that could only be compared to a cold storm. A reassuring hand on her shoulder would turn her back forward.
"Don't look back. We're done with him." Somehow, Ash's firm tone would ease the smaller woman's fears. With her gaze pointed forward again, Hannah realized they were walking in the direction of the portal.
"Yeah," she said softly, hands still shaking.
"What do you think's on the other side?"
"Should we throw something through?"
"Like Nat?"
The mental image was an amusing one. Hannah did crack a small smile which in return caused Ash to grin.
"Want to find out?" Ash asked.
They paused just out of throwing distance of the portal. There it was, green and ever shifting distorted light. There were hints of reflections through, but they were difficult to make out, not holding still. Tank whimpered before letting out a loud bark at it.
Hannah stared at it and then looked back to Ash. She was a divorced woman who in the last six months has been isolated from everyone she'd ever held dear. She was in a state she hated. She worked with her abuser. Her only friend was right next to her.
"Can we hold hands?"
Ash reached over and grabbed a hold of Hannah's hand. "Fuck this place," she said, eyes lighting up. With her other hand, she reached for Tank's collar. And together, they would take a leap of faith, striding with confidence into the portal.