There once was a time when I tried to escape.
I was about seven or eight at the time - I had only been confined for a few short winters, yet it felt like an eternity to me. Those first few years tend to wear on you in that manner. Knock-kneed and wide-eyed, I made the large leap to try my attempts at swimming Lake Calenhad.
"Commander?" the soft voice turned my head in an instant, and through the gloom I searched to find the ever-worried face of the senior enchanter Wynne. The look in her eyes told me there was trouble afoot on this stormy eve of summer's solace.
"What is it, Wynne?" I asked, my impatient eyes scanning over the dorm beds filled with sleeping lumps - or pretending to, anyway. I saw a pair of white eyes in the darkness attempt to sneak a look at me, then snap shut when I sent a warning frown in the mage's direction. She shifted and huddled back under her covers, content to go to sleep.
Wynne seemed nervous; cautious of a threat I was not yet aware of. She glanced about us as if waiting for someone to sneak out of the shadows, then leaned in quietly before placing an arm on my shoulder.
"One of the younglings is missing from their dorm," she told me gravely. I was on alert in an instant, knowing that all-too-familiar nag on my ears that another young apprentice was attempting to escape. They were too many and too few attentions to keep on the young ones, making it difficult to see a small child bobbing past in the shadows. How they produced my aggravation at times; they were worse than the older apprentices, and far more unstable.
With a sigh I sunk into my shoulders and, knowingly, put two fingers to the bridge of my nose before following Wynne down to the apprentice's dormitory.
"Did you check the kitchens?" I tried while holstering my sword higher on my waist. Damn thing was heavy. She nodded mutedly.
"As well as the library and recreation hall," she said in a frustrated, low murmur. I held out my torch higher so that we did not trip over the rugs trailing the stone hallways.
"I've had the other senior enchanters-" she paused as I allowed her to step ahead towards the staircase, "-thank you - had them check the green house and training rooms as well. There's no sign of her."
This fell me to a dead stop on the staircase as I wheeled around on Wynne.
"..Her?" I cut in, my blood suddenly coming to a rise as I considered the only her that I could remotely associate to such an escape feat as this. And for a child no less.
Maker don't let it be-
"Isthalla," she answered pointedly, that knowing look flashing in her eyes as we exchanged worried expressions.
"When was the last time anyone saw her?" I said while rushing down the stairs, Wynne picking up pace behind me. She hiked up her robes slightly to trot alongside me, taking in a heavy sigh.
"Before supper; she was seen in the library practicing with one of the enchanters," Wynne recounted. My jaw ticked.
"That was hours ago," I hissed irritably while hurrying my pace. Wynne followed suit. "She could be miles away by now!"
"Greagoir I hardly believe a child could make it that far, much less go outside in this weather," she chided.
A cold, sinking feeling suddenly dropped in my stomach as I realized what Wynne had failed to mention the first time - the storm. I had not noticed amidst my paperwork that outside the thick tower walls a storm was passing through. A great, black, violent storm that turned the lake into a monstrous graveyard for little mage lings.
Wynne gasped and fell to a horrifying halt as she realized the danger as well, and exchanged a look with me that sunk in my worst fears.
"The lake," she whispered to me, her eyes widened. "Greagoir-" she began, but I held up my hand.
"We must not assume the worst," I interrupted, though it was an empty statement. I could already hear the wind screeching and howling just outside the front doors. One of the nearby senior guards hesitantly took a step forward, eyeing us both before turning his attention to me.
"Commander?" he asked. I turned my wild eyes on him.
"Go find Weston," I ordered. "I want Henry and William by the front entrance in five minutes, and be quick about it!" He nodded quickly before turning and bolting off in the direction of the stairs. I turned to Wynne.
"Whatever you do, do not let Irving know about this," I said.
"But Greagoir-" she began, already shaking her head. I tightened my grip on her shoulders.
"Wynne, please-" I begged, searing my gaze into her own. "He must not know that she's escaped." With that, I turned and nodded to the guards at the doors. They began to push them open, the rain and wind clawing their way through the cracks the instant a crack appeared. I held up my hand to my eyes and began to slowly approach the widening entrance, then felt an abrupt hand on my arm. Wynne was staring at me.
"Where are you going?" she asked incredulously. I pulled my arm away, my jaw ticking in impatience and worry.
"If anyone is going to find her, it's me. Tell Weston to take his men and scour the outer grounds, but I will go and search the shores. If there's a body to be found the wind should have pushed it back ashore by now."
"Greagoir-" she pulled again, her eyes begging me an important and pressing For-Maker's-sake-don't-be-foolish look before reluctantly releasing me when I gave no reply.
"No mage leaves the Circle, Wynne, not without my consent. And if she's in danger, I won't have her die in the middle of this storm if I can help it," I yelled back at her over the roar now deafening the entrance hall. She was already huddling away from the sharp needle-rain and water rushing into the foyer.
"GO!" I shouted back at her while stepping out into the swirling darkness of night, "Gather the senior enchanters and sweep the tower! I want her found!"
That was all the reason she needed to escape the pounding elements before she held up her arms and ran back down the hallway towards the staircase. I watched after her, briefly, before turning back into the screaming blackness of the storm and heard the doors shut behind me.
There was no point in shouting - the wind carried my voice away before it had a chance to properly stand. I opted to hold out my hand, aglow with a reserved dispel that gathered brief light around my feet. I squinted hard into the roaring darkness, seeing shadows briefly move where the choppy waters crashed and snarled against one another.
I walked along the edges of the whipping black waters, feeling them fly under my feet and try to claw me back into their depths. If I were to get swept under, even for an instant, the weight of my armor would sink me in a moment's breath under the waves. I picked my way carefully along the shore, the dread in my chest beginning to tighten the longer I walked and saw no sign of her body.
I was a quarter around the tower now, the wind and rain completely pierced through my armor. I could feel the freeze setting in, forcing painful, sharp chills up and down my spine. Surely she could not have survived this; not this.
Just as I was nearly halfway around the backside of the tower, I froze mid-step and felt my heart stop. There, just inches from the edge of the shore, a small figure stooped at the edge of the black lake. I sucked in a breath, holding it tight in fear I had seen falsely. She seemed to sense my presence, and stood to her feet with something in her hands. She looked directly at me then, her wide mage-eyes looking at me in a sad and fearful way. I was stunned and horrified to see her alive, much less standing in the rain in some delusional hysteria while attempting to skip rocks. I saw something pass over her face akin to confusion, then she turned away and broke into a run towards the lake.
"ISTHALLA NO!" I shouted after her, but it was too late. I heard the sickening plunge as she dove headlong into the foamy, screaming depths of the lake. I could not stop to think, to decide. Reason no longer mattered.
I will not let you die!
I was tearing off my armor before I could process it, chunking it to the side in a thrashing fit to get into the water before she drowned. She was floundering now, her head briefly bobbing above the surface before she was sucked back under by the torture some waves. Then came the screams. Bubbling, petrified child screams as she realized this was something she could not conquer, and the sensation of death sinking in.
Maker, no..
I hurled my gauntlets off before taking a wild sprint towards the water and threw myself in without a second's thought.
Maker, no no No NO!
The water slammed me in the chest with the force of a stone wall, taking my breath away and kicking my heart into overdrive. The wind was knocked out of me - I couldn't breathe, couldn't feel or think or move. The waves rushed over me in great roars, and I was under. I was thrown and smashed and ripped back and forth, barely surfacing long enough to gulp for air, then felt my body torn back under the waves.
Save her.
The mechanical order screamed into my brain, above the instinct to save myself and flee for shore. She was dying, and would drown alone in these black waves if I did not save her. Fighting against the current and the weight of my armored boots, I kicked and forced my way to the surface against the current. I broke the surface with a great, coughing breath and floundered for a moment before finding my footing. I planted my feet apart on the bottom and held up my hands, forcing the light to bloom about me.
"ISTHALLA!" I shouted, panic and terror streaking my voice. "ISTHALLA!" I croaked out in a gargled shout. I heard a muffled shriek, drowned, then silence as I whipped around just in time to see a small hand disappear under the waves.
I dove back under the blackness, pushing against the weight of the water. I kicked and drove myself forward, feeling my entire body strain and snap against the movement. My lungs were on fire, my body stung by the powerful waves and wind and cold.
I reached out in the blackness, desperate, futile, and there when I thought I had lost her for sure, I felt my hand brush the hem of her robes. I struggled and kicked forward, grasping again until I could grip her arm.
Then I was breaking, coughing, and sputtering as I pulled with all my might to push her head above the surface.
Maker let her live..
The waves tore against me, pulling us both back under. I pulled with all my might, feeling the hot white burn in my arm from the overpowering pull of the water and weight too great for me to bear. I gritted my teeth and pushed for the surface, aching and desperate for air. I felt myself on the edge of panic, nearly between the breaking point of giving up and drowning and pushing past every paper-thin barrier that my body could endure. I could feel my muscles seizing up against the cold, dead weight. I forced them to kick, forced myself to continue fighting as I broke, briefly, to the surface and yanked her up with me.
She was slung over my shoulder now, a limp weight in my arms, as I kicked and clawed my way to shore. I reached for the shore's edge, but was dragged away by the force of the water pulling back out. I could feel my strength draining, and holstered her body more onto my shoulder as I reached out both hands, stretching as hard as I could and kicking against the current.
Just one more step, Maker, please-
I was within an inch's grasp, my final bits of energy stripped, when I felt the water jerk me away from the edge once more. And then the oblivion hit me.
No, Andraste's mercy no!
I reached, futile, as it began to pull me away. I shouted with all my might, feeling my legs slipping from underneath me and the waves pulling me under once more. The blackness began to consume my vision, and sound faded. Reason faded.
Then something solid and real I felt grasp my wrist, and I held back, holding onto the one steady anchor in the swirling blackness. I felt it pull me, and the weight leave as the world came to a dead, cold halt and my face slopped against the wet shores of Lake Calenhad.
"Captain, are you okay?!" Weston shouted at me. I felt the waters rumble and heave up from my lungs all at once as I hunched over in the rain and coughed up the drowning waters. My body felt weak beyond measure, and the rain more painful than I remembered as I tried crawling more onto shore and stand. Weston pulled me to my feet and leaned forward so I could hear.
"Is she?!" he shouted at me, and I looked at him, dumb founded, before realizing who he meant. My attention shifted instantly to the other limp body they'd dragged up on shore. She lay motionless, a shadowy blur on the grass. I stumbled forward and felt Weston catch me before I could fall. I shook my head hard, and turned to him.
"GET HER INSIDE! FIND WYNNE!"
I did not remember shouting, only heard my voice as if spoken from another man. I fell, and remembered a shout. Weakness and a desire to never feel anything again engulfed me as I slipped and fell deep into darkness where no thoughts or dreams could conspire.
Maker protect her..