There are so many things I could have prevented.
So many things I should have changed.
And now it is my fault you are gone. I could have saved you.
I would have died for you.
Kaidasa.
"Would you like to hear another, serah?" her kind, gentle voice brought me back from a plane of darkness. I blinked, and turned a slow head to find her still sitting in the same spot - resting on the stone bench under the oak tree, a worn leather Chantry book at hand. I smiled, slow and warm, and nodded to her.
"If you wish," I answered. She smiled back and returned to her verse.
At Shartan's word, the sky
Grew black with arrows.
At Our Lady's, ten thousand swords
Rang from their sheaths,
A great hymn rose over Valarian Fields gladly proclaiming:
Those who had been slaves were now free.
-Shartan 10:1, Dissonant Verse
A flickering frown crossed her face, and then a faint and weak smile as she looked back up at me. I could see the deflection in her eyes.
"Do you suppose the Maker could forgive us?" she asked. I could see now that her eyes were not just reflective, but blurring with the start of tears. I moved to her side and sat on the bench, placing an armored hand over her lap.
"What for, Kaidasa?" I eased, hoping to stay the silent tears that still threatened her gaze. She turned back to the verse with a wounded smile, and sniffed away her sadness.
"I did not ask to be born this way, yet I fear for my mortality," she murmured. "I have seen what we are capable of - I have been used for that very thing. It is a shadow that never leaves. I feel it, creeping up my heels wherever I go."
She turned to me, eyes bright and weak, and asked, "Will I be forgiven, Greagoir?"
….How could I refuse?
I took her by the hands, and waited for her to connect with my eyes. The sting had since left her vision, but I could see the worry still lining the edges of her mouth. My brow crumpled.
"Kaidasa, you are a child of the Maker, and beloved of Andraste. You have done no harm to others, and so shall you never," I shook my head. "As far as I'm concerned, shall you walk the path of light, no harm shall come to you. You are safe here.
"I will protect you, Kaidasa," I added with a light pat to her hand. This seemed to comfort her, and with a small laugh and wipe of her dry eyes, she stood to her feet. I followed.
"I pray every night that the shadows will some day leave me," she commented. I began to lead her along the stone bridge leading back to the tower. We passed a few magi on the way, one of which politely smiled at both Kaidasa and myself. I offered a nod to the attending templar, a fellow knight named Bryce, before moving over to the edge of the bridge overlooking the water. Sitting her down on the wall, I took a careful seat beside her and looked out to the sunlit waters. They faded into the distance where a great, glowing sun hung in the afternoon sky. A nice breeze cooled the air up here.
What a beautiful world the Maker has given us..
"Many are those who wander in sin, despairing that they are lost forever," I recited in a calm and quiet voice. Kaidasa caught my gaze from the corner of her eye, and softened. A small grin flickered.
"But the one who repents, and who has faith…" she paused, thinking on the words, then turned back to the horizon. Her hair caught in the wind like black ribbons that twisted and danced to the rhythm of the breeze. Her eyes squinted against the glare, and I found myself suddenly astounded by her beauty. "..and unshaken by the darkness of the world," she finished.
I waited, and she looked to me for reassurance. I nodded and smiled at her to continue. Though she knew every line of the verse, she was shy to recite it. I urged her on.
"And boasts not, nor gloats," she continued while folding nervous hands over her lap and looking down, "over the misfortunes of the weak, but takes deligh-"
"-But takes delight in the Maker's laws and creations, as you do now, Kaidasa," I took her then by the hands, and drew her attention back to the sun. It hung low in the sky now, and painted the horizon in an other-worldly display of color and fire. Light blazed across the lake's surface and far into the distance where our eyes could not follow. I squeezed her fingertips. "She shall know the peace of the Maker's benediction," I finished with an earnest smile.
The Light shall lead her safely
Through the paths of this world, and into the next.
For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water.
As the moth sees light and goes toward flame,
She should see fire and go towards Light.
The Viel holds no uncertainty for her,
And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker
Shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword.
We stayed there on the bridge for some time watching the sun set. It was only after the sky grew purple and Bryce returned with the two other magi that I turned my attention back to the tower. Kaidasa had not spoken since the recital of her favorite verse, and had since set to humming a gentle hymn. How I wished she would sing more often.
"We should retire," I spoke up once she'd grown quiet again. She broke from whatever thoughts she had lost herself within, and turned with half-awake eyes to find me standing beside her.
"Oh," she murmured before taking my offered hand and joining me. She checked her gown for dirt, then brushed off the skirt before turning to me. "Good idea," she smiled.
I couldn't help but smile back, heart temporarily in my throat, before allowing her to slip her hand, ever-familiar, into the crook of my armor to lead her back to the tower. She sang softly until we reached the gates.
My Kaidasa, I will protect you.
Always.