Chapter Eleven

Despite the tragic, heartbreaking history surrounding the legend of the Emerald Graves, the massive trees and lush greenery of the endless stretch of forest filled Solas with both remorse and wonder. It was a beautiful region with trees reaching for the heavens and exotic animals scurrying about. The thick tangle of brush made trekking difficult if one strayed just a few feet away from the main roads. The ruins scattered about made him long to take a nap simply to venture into the Fade to discover memories long forgotten.

He and his party had set up camp just a handful of hours ago, when the sun had begun to retire for the evening. Only the final remnants of its rays provided just enough light to stroll around their encampment without the need of a torch.

They were safe there, tucked away between the underside of a rocky cliff, just meters away from an ancient pavilion that had long ago given way to the surrounding nature. Several tents had been erected, and half of the other traveling companions had already retired inside. The remaining were gathered around a few campfires, talking amongst each other and sharing stories.

Of the near one dozen people who'd come along, only one other person besides Solas was not accounted for. It hadn't been his intention to seek her out, for he knew Evelyn would often explore their surroundings around this time of day. While there were times when she would join the others to listen and smile as they conversed, she was the type who could enjoy her own company. Much like him.

On this evening, however, he couldn't stop his feet from carrying him to the outskirts of the encampment, nor could he keep his eyes from scanning every direction for some sign of her. While she could protect herself, the Emerald Graves had proven to be a rather difficult campaign. Not only did one have to worry about getting lost in the thick overgrowth, but there were countless other dangers that lurked around every bush. Venatori agents, rebel mages, rogue templars, and the ones who referred to themselves as Freemen of the Dales roamed freely. As if that weren't enough to cause alarm, bears standing twice as tall most village houses could attack at any moment. And, of course, there were the giants…

Pushing aside a tangle of hanging vines, he stumbled across a small clearing where an elven statue of a great wolf stared off into the distance. He heaved a silent sigh of relief upon seeing Evelyn standing between the wolf's two front paws, gazing up at the stone head in awe.

"The elves call him Fen'Harel," Solas commented, stopping just a few feet away from her.

"The Dread Wolf," she signed, half turning to him.

"Ah, so you have heard the tales of his betrayal."

Her expression was thoughtful as she regarded him before turning her attention back to the statue. "I've read from one perspective."

One corner of Solas' lips curled up as he moved to her side, still keeping a professional distance between them. "That tends to be the only perspective."

She nodded. "To some, perhaps."

"To most," he corrected. "It is a belief shared among countless others."

"It's still a matter of opinion. The stories all talk of how he betrayed his people, but they never say why."

Surprise flickered through him. As he studied her, he saw nothing but wonder and curiosity in her eyes. "Do you believe it matters?"

She lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. "What Crestwood's mayor did was horrible, but his intentions were pure. He did what he felt was necessary at the time to save his people, even knowing the consequences. Others will later twist the story to say he was mad or evil, but we all heard his side. Sacrificing a few to save the many was his goal. I can't help but wonder if Fen'Harel had similar motives. If so, whatever his faults, I would like to think his ultimate goal was worthy."

For several moments, Solas merely stood there, watching her in stunned silence. In all his years—and bloody hell, had there been many years—he'd never met anyone who'd challenged the universally-accepted story that Fen'Harel was an evil god. She was a human through and through, not even a drop of elven blood in her veins, so her opinion should not matter one bit.

And yet, it did. She was a scholar in her own right, one who did not follow the norm. She was a deep thinker who formed beliefs so unorthodox that most would look at her as though she were mad. She was unlike anyone he'd ever met.

Something in his chest tightened with discomfort, though for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why. His stomach felt as though thousands of tiny wings fluttered inside, yet he didn't feel ill. It was almost…euphoric.

He did not want to put a name the sudden feeling that overcame him. It should not exist. He didn't want it to exist, but there was no use in trying to fight it. Not when every time he cast a simple glance in Evelyn's direction, the feeling would return over and over again.

Folding his arms behind his back, he turned his attention to the wolf's eyes looking over his head. "Your view of the world never ceases to amaze me, Evelyn." After a beat, he couldn't fight his curiosity as he added, "If you could ask the Dread Wolf one question, what would it be?"

She pursed her lips and tilted her head to one side as she thought it over. The action bared her neck in a way that immediately drew his attention. He chided himself for his lingering stare at the slim column of her throat, for the wicked images flashing through his mind at the simple gesture. He was treading into dangerous territory, and if he weren't careful, he'd wind up far too deep and lost to make a retreat to safer ground.

Impervious to his inward battle with himself, Evelyn turned to him in contemplation. "If I'm only granted one question, then I would ask that he tell me the truth. His truth. His story."

With that, she returned her gaze to the wolf with a soft smile, leaving Solas staring at her in shock. His heart raced. Though his question had been hypothetical and meant to be food for thought, she'd answered in such a calm, simple manner.

And it was right then and there that he realized exactly what the feeling was that made him feel as though the black and white world around him was slowly starting to gain color for the first time in millennia.

He was falling for her.

Evelyn awoke drenched in sweat with a searing pain flaring in her left hand. Another nightmare, only this time instead of seeing her friends from Kinloch transform into monsters, it had been her companions. The new friends she'd started to grow attached to. Cassandra, Varric, Solas, Dorian, and all the others. Even though most of them weren't mages, that hadn't mattered to her subconscious state. In her dreams, they'd all been there, screaming in pain as their bodies either underwent the gruesome transformation or were slaughtered by others who'd been unable to fight the demons in their heads.

Heart racing and tears stinging her eyes, she glanced around the small tent, taking note that it was still dark outside. No matter. There would be no returning to sleep for her.

The nightmares were becoming more and more frequent, while simultaneously lasting longer. It was becoming harder for her to wake up, something she blamed on stress and exhaustion. She'd been trying to take care of herself, but each passing day with Corypheus still out there and no end in sight to the impending destruction of Thedas, every moment she didn't succeed a hundred percent started to feel like absolute failure.

The light of the anchor illuminated the entire space in the small tent. She reached off to the side to frantically pull a leather glove over it. It took longer than usual, for the cramping discomfort made it difficult to even twitch the fingers on her left hand. When she managed to get it on, she frowned in dismay to see that the light was still shining far too bright to be fully hidden.

She hoped her friends were still asleep. Though the anchor only tended to glow in reaction to a nearby rift, they knew by now that it was also directly linked to her being. Whether she was suffering emotional or physical discomfort, the mark always gave away her attempt to hide her inner turmoil.

Scrubbing both hands across her face as if that could erase the images from her dream, she heaved an annoyed sigh and slipped out of the tent and made for a nearby pond. A quick glance around showed that everyone was indeed tucked away in their own tents, though some distance away she could spot two scouts who were on guard duty.

Sighing, she cupped her hands to scoop the water, splashing it over her face several times. The chill was welcome, for it worked at clearing the images from her mind. Just a bit. As she sat back on her bottom, she stared up at the early morning sky. The moon was hidden with the thickness of the forest, but she caught sight of a few stars peeking through the branches.

She hugged herself as if that would halt the trembles still wracking her body. She almost wished one of her companions would wake up, just so she wouldn't have to be alone. However, the trip was long and tiresome, and there was still more to do. She didn't wish to disturb a moment of their rest.

Without meaning to, she found her gaze sliding over to Solas' tent. Her cheeks heated at the memory of their kiss. It was embarrassing how often she thought about it. How often she'd spare him a sideways look and wonder what was going through his mind. She was still confused about her developing feelings toward him. It seemed wrong to want him in anyway, especially when she was just as drawn to Cullen.

Neither had shown much more interest than curiosity and some signs of casual friendliness. The kiss in the Fade had been in the heat of the moment, she knew, and Solas had yet to make another move after that. Whereas Cullen just seemed…well, it was quite clear they did not share the same thoughts of one another. He wasn't exactly cold toward her, but he always seemed to have his guard up. Almost like he was still wary of her, despite her title. Or perhaps it was because of her title.

No matter. In either case with both men, there was far too much work to do to worry about something as tedious as developing a romantic connection. It should be the absolute last thing on her mind. And it was, mostly. Only in times like this where it was silent and she had nothing to do but twiddle her thumbs did she begin to think of them. It was either that or let her mind wander back to the days of being trapped in Kinloch…

She hated that the fond memories she'd formed there would forever be tarnished due to its fall. Up until that point, it hadn't been bad at all. She'd been terrified upon first arriving at the circle. A young girl in a foreign land surrounded by people she'd never seen before, hardly able to understand most of their speech due to their thick Ferelden accents. She'd spent the entire trip there crying her eyes out, but after they'd processed her admission and placed her in a room with another apprentice who'd only been a few years older, things had started to look up.

Yelena Amell—who would later become known as the Hero of Ferelden—had been her bunkmate for some time. The other girl had taken Evelyn under her wing, treating her warmly like a sister. Evelyn had grown to love Amell, which then aided in her being able to make even more friends. For years, the Circle had been her home, the only home she'd felt safe and loved and cherished in. There hadn't been any overbearing parents expressing their displeasure over every minor mistake, no brothers to bully and taunt her every waking moment, no aunts or uncles to sneer in disgust or loudly whisper insults whenever she walked by. No impossible standards forced upon her, no having to constantly look over her shoulder to see if others were around just waiting for her to slip up and further disgrace her family's oh-so-perfect name.

When Amell had successfully completed her Harrowing, she'd been recruited to the Grey Wardens the very next day. They'd only had time to share swift goodbyes. Evelyn had been both sad and happy for her dear friend, but she'd still had others to lean on. That was, until it all came crashing down in an instant.

Not even a full week had passed since Amell's departure when the rumors of blood mages within the Circle began to grow more frequent. Whispers of secret meetings late into the night followed by a suffocating tension that had spread between the mages and templars.

Just a few days after that, they made their presence known. In the middle of the night, a piercing cry had echoed through the halls, jolting Evelyn and several others awake. Concerned and confused, they all soon began to notice the sounds of templar armor striking the floors as they rushed upstairs. It only went downhill from there.

Evelyn lowered her gaze toward the ground, not for the first time regretting her weakness. Her inability to defend herself, let alone the people she'd called friends and family. Some might try to soothe her and say she'd been too young, barely able to be called an adult, but that didn't matter. She'd been one of the few at the top of all her classes, despite not having undergone the Harrowing yet. At that point, she'd mastered a handful of basic spells, but none had been half as strong to even singe the abominations and possessed templars, while the blood mages who'd failed to convert her to their side had easily thrown up barriers against her weak attacks. When she realized fighting had been pointless, she'd run and hid, hoping and praying for some form of calvary to arrive.

Weeks upon unending weeks of cowering in fear, hiding in closets and small corners each time she'd been spotted. There was only one way in and one way out of the Circle, and those doors had been barred and magically sealed, preventing her and anyone else from escaping. She'd known the reason for it—the surviving templars who'd retreated wanted to prevent any abominations from escaping. She remembered even then fearing they were going to execute the Right of Annulment, killing every mage inside whether they attacked or not.

In the end, it hadn't mattered. By the time help finally showed up, everyone was already dead, turned, or possessed. Even the mages who'd fought back against Uldred and his minions—all slaughtered or forced to turn into monsters. Evelyn had already been captured by then, dragged to a dark chamber and tortured for Maker knew how long. She'd heard her captors arguing with one another over a group led by a Grey Warden storming through the lower levels and killing everything that moved. She'd remained half conscious and weak on the floor in a pool of her own blood when they decided she wasn't going anywhere in her state.

And they'd almost been right. In truth, she didn't even remember how she'd escaped at all. Those dark times were full of a confusing fog. Whatever strength she'd had left was poured into casting a big fireball at the nearest wall and crawling toward the opening, and then…nothing. An empty stretch of nothingness before she awoke again, the sight of the burning tower slowly growing smaller and smaller in her blurred vision.

As Evelyn thought it over, her frown deepened as she struggled to piece together exactly how she'd managed to escape. Kinloch's Circle was only accessible by boat, but even with still waters she would have drowned had she fallen from the cliffs. Ten years later and it never occurred to her that it would have been impossible for her to have crossed the lake alone. She remembered being in a boat, the rocking lulling her back into unconsciousness. When she awoke again, she was lying in the back of a wagon while a merchant's wife tended to her wounds.

Did… Did someone save her? Had someone found her in the tower and brought her outside, or had she indeed fallen into the lake only to be saved by someone who happened to be traveling by?

"Oh, you're up early again, Inquisitor," someone announced as they took a seat next to her.

Evelyn blinked to the present to peer at Cassandra as she let out a wide yawn. "I have a question."

During their travels, Evelyn would often take the time between missions to teach some of her friends basic words in her language, but most of them simply picked up on her hand signals over time. While Cassandra couldn't understand every word, she usually made good guesses in figuring out whatever it was Evelyn was trying to say. "Yes?"

Evelyn paused for a moment and tried to think of the best way of asking without raising suspicion. "I heard one of the soldiers mention the fall of Ferelden's Circle Tower."

"Ah." Cassandra went to work using the pond water to wash her face as she spoke. "I was still in Nevarra during the last Blight, so I have only heard stories in passing. They say the mages were practicing blood magic in secrecy, but before the templars could act, a war within the Circle broke out. By the time we were aware of the crisis, it was too late."

By 'we', Evelyn assumed her friend was referring to her fellow Seekers. As Varric had once dumbed it down for her, the Seekers were the big honchos called in when the templars failed.

She continued. "A Right of Annulment had been granted. The Hero of Ferelden had led the charge responsible for putting an end to the madness before outside forces could arrive."

That surprised the hell out of Evelyn. Her captors had been correct in fearing a Gray Warden was coming, but she hadn't had a clue that it was Amell herself. "What happened? Did anyone survive?"

Cassandra's lips twisted in discomfort as she shook excess water from her hands. "Only four children. Or perhaps it was three?" She gave a sad shake of her head. "You've just heard the majority of what I know, I'm afraid. Perhaps you could ask Leliana? She was one of the companions traveling with the Hero during that time. I am sure she can answer any questions you may have. She has a rather…intriguing way of telling stories of her past."

Disappointment slid through her for having to put off the conversation, but she nodded anyway. She hadn't known that little tidbit about Leliana. It raised several more questions, but it would take quite some time before they returned to Skyhold, unfortunately.

She conceded that she'd spent enough time dwelling on the past for one day. There were sounds of her other companions beginning to stir from their tents, so she would no longer have to be alone with her thoughts.

After a frustratingly extensive fight against two powerful despair demons and an even stronger pride demon, the rift was sealed with a thunderous boom. Panting and drenched in both sweat and water from the river, Evelyn was barely able to stand as she was bent forward, her shaking arms braced against her knees. Her skin was far too pale, her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she struggled to maintain consciousness.

Cassandra reached her before Solas could. Despite Evelyn's weak attempt to shrug the other woman off, the Seeker stayed put as she pulled one of Evelyn's arms over her shoulder and helped her toward the bank. It had been the fourth rift in a span of two hours, though there had been several more they'd had to close in the last few days. Their Inquisitor was spent, and it was clear that the anchor was draining her of everything she had.

They'd been fortunate in the other regions they'd visited in a way that coming across the rifts had been spread out over days. Sealing just one was enough to make her feel lightheaded. Closing them back to back was…not good. They already knew that the mark was killing her slowly, each use of it weakening her and making her fall ill. Each rift was just a reminder that they were just another step closer to losing their leader.

Solas trailed behind the two women as Cassandra sat her friend down at the base of a large tree. She shared a concerned look with him, telling him with her eyes that she was worried they'd gone too far.

Solas took a knee in front of Evelyn. She didn't look up, merely kept her head lowered with loose locks of hair shielding her face. "We need to inform the others that we will be making camp here tonight. I do not think it wise for us to carry on the remainder of the day."

Cassandra nodded in agreement, wringing her hands. "I will go. They can't be too far behind."

As she left, Solas focused on the silent woman before him. Her breathing was labored. The mark on her hand glowed a brilliant green light, so blinding that it was impossible to stare at it for more than a second. Gently, he placed two fingers beneath her chin and raised her head. Her eyelids were heavy and low, and a thick vein across her forehead throbbed.

"Evelyn," he murmured, worry twisting his gut. "Talk to me. How are you feeling?"

She made a move to respond, but her hands fell into her lap as if signing a simple 'fine' was too much. A shuddering breath escaped her lips as her eyes fluttered closed. Her lips moved slowly. "Hurts," she mouthed.

Solas' shoulders fell. He disliked this feeling of helplessness. While his magic might heal her of even the gravest of injuries, it was ineffective against the ancient power making up the anchor. The herbal medicine he'd usually give her would only numb her physical discomfort, but even that would only go so far. There was just nothing he could do for her.

Of course, if he still had his old strength…

Sighing, he rubbed his thumb across her jaw, his touch soft and meant to be soothing. "I would take your pain away if I could, ma fenor."

The endearment shocked him, but he was grateful when she showed no sign of hearing him. Her breathing—still labored—slowed as she dozed off. It was for the best. He hadn't meant to call her such an intimate name. It had slipped out, something he'd be wise to avoid in the future. His growing attachment to her was alarming and certainly bound to be dangerous, not just for his sake, but for hers.

He knew that, and yet it couldn't be helped. Not when every time she glanced his way, his heart would clench with longing. Not when every time her lips quirked into that small smile he adored, he wished to wake up every morning to such a sight. Certainly not when every time he saw her in this state, his soul ached to trade places with her, to take away any and all pain she had to endure.

The sounds of rapid footsteps in the distance shook him from his musings, providing him with much-needed gratitude before he sank too deep in his thoughts. With no effort at all, Evelyn was proving to be far too much a distraction for him. It was unwise and foolish. He once again had to remind himself to tread carefully. While he doubted she shared the same feelings of longing he had toward her, it was in everyone's best interest that he did not get carried away with his selfish desire.

After all, it was only a matter of time before the truth of his nature came to light. That is, assuming they managed to take down Corypheus first.

The darkness of sleep dispersed in a flash, replaced in an instant by stone walls lined with shadows from hanging torches. A voice droned somewhere in the background as an instructor read aloud some ancient text to his surrounding students. Cullen, along with three other templars, stood at the back of the room as they watched, scanning for anything amiss.

He was dreaming, he knew. Some of the sights around him weren't clear—the instructor's face was blurred and he couldn't quite make out what the man was saying. The large painting on the wall was a splotch of colors, unable to come into focus no matter how hard he tried.

Attempting to wake himself up was futile. He'd tried so many times in the past but to no avail. His time in Ferelden's Circle Tower often returned to haunt his dreams. It seemed this time would be no different. All he could do was allow it to play out.

Against his own accord, his gaze traveled around the room, a part of him hoping to spot her. It was foolish, for he knew she'd already left to join the Grey Wardens. However, he'd grown so used to her routine that it was a habit that he still tried to spot her.

He'd watched Amell quite often during his brief time there. From the day he'd first met her, his attraction had only grown with each passing day. It was wrong, he knew, and every day he prayed to the Maker for the strength to ignore his feelings. He'd thought that having her away from the tower would help, yet some days he was filled with an unnerving amount of disappointment.

And still he scanned the room.

As expected, Amell was nowhere in sight. Instead, his traveling gaze landed on another. From one of the long tables where a half dozen apprentices were busying their hands by writing notes read aloud from their instructor, one of them seemed to not be paying much attention. With her chin resting in her palm as she drew lazy circles along her parchment, he couldn't find it in himself to look away. She was perhaps a couple years younger than himself with dark hair trailing over her shoulders in long wavy locks. A sense of familiarity washed over him as he frowned.

With the instructor's voice still a dull droning, he looked away from the girl, but moments later, his glance returned. At the same time, she raised her head a fraction and caught him staring at her. Instead of averting her gaze like most others would have—and have—done, she held his stare. Bright green eyes blinked innocently at him. Then, a small smile curved her lips.

The air in Cullen's lungs froze as dread settled like coal in his gut. Maker, no. It was Evelyn. A young Evelyn, at that. Evelyn, who was beautiful and pure did not belong in this dark part of his past. The lyrium withdrawal was cruel to place her there. It was horrifying that his own mind could turn on him like this. Of all things, of all people, he would rather take a blade to the throat than to have his heart's desire witness the devasting trauma that clung to him like a plague.

He squeezed his eyes shut and willed the false image of her away, yet when he opened them, she was still there. She'd returned her attention to her studies, her hair falling like a silk ribbon to shield her face.

As he continued to war with his bitter thoughts, a distant bell tolled, signaling the end of class. He and his fellow comrades remained still until everyone left the room. His feet betrayed him as they carried him forward, carefully avoiding brushing against passing mages heading for their next lesson.

It didn't take long for him to catch up to the dreamlike Evelyn. She was walking at a leisurely pace, unhurried unlike the others around them. With every step, her long hair rippled, the ends brushing just past her waist. The fingers of her right hand were outstretched, gliding along the carvings etched into the walls. When she'd turn her head to peer at the patterns, the sheen of candlelight would catch atop the dark color of her hair. No matter how the rest of the sights around him were a bit off, his mind's conjuration of her was spot-on.

She began to descend the stairs and he continued to follow, only to be stopped when another templar approached going the opposite direction. "If you're going to the john, make it fast, brother. The Harrowing is about to begin." With that, he continued.

"Right," Cullen murmured after him. He then glanced at the mage who'd paused in her descent, half-turned to eye him. He swallowed hard. Once again, she flashed a friendly smile, one that he was not accustomed to.

Though every day in the tower ran peacefully and without incident, there was always a certain tenseness that hung in the air. The fear and resentment between the templars and mages had always existed, so he was used to the unsubtle glares and grinding of teeth whenever a mage saw him. Only Yelena Amell had ever treated him kindly. Warmly, even, with perhaps a few hints of flirtation. At least, that was what he'd once thought in his infatuation.

However, the Evelyn lookalike did not seem at all put off by his presence. Instead, her smile was genuine as she gave him a tiny wave before continuing to head off to wherever she was going next for her studies. He watched her go until she disappeared through the doors at the bottom of the stairs. After a few moments, another bell tolled, one that echoed loudly enough to send an alarming jolt down his spine. He knew that sound quite well.

His mind was inevitably drawn forward, changing the scene around him and pulling him into the Harrowing chamber. From there, the calm, serene spectacle around him once again altered, changing into a nightmarish chamber full of death and torture.

Cullen jumped awake, fists tense and aching as he quickly scanned the room for some sign of danger. Of course, there was nothing amiss in his loft above his office in Skyhold. Though dark, there were scant streaks of light present from the moon filtering through the windows below. Not enough to illuminate the room, but just the right amount for his eyes to adjust and see that he was completely alone. And safe.

Blowing out a deep breath, he eased back onto the pillows. Not for the first time, he was inwardly grateful for Evelyn upgrading his quarters. She'd replaced the flat hay pillows with thicker, plusher ones covered in the softest fabric. Even the bed felt softer, something his aching muscles were thankful for.

As he turned on his side, his mind thought back to seeing her in Ferelden's Circle. It was a bitter betrayal that his mind had conjured her there, in a part of his past that was so dark and twisted. She did not belong.

And yet…

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if it hadn't merely been a dream—if it had been a memory instead. A deep-seated, long forgotten memory buried and hidden in the darkest crevice of his mind. She had looked almost exactly the same, albeit much younger. Her face had held the roundness of youth, her eyes bright and uninhibited by the shadows she had today. She'd appeared relaxed and carefree rather than the tense woman with a tight leash on her emotions that he knew her to be now. Subtle differences from the girl in his dreams, yet not enough to make him distinguish her from the woman he knew to be his Inquisitor.

But Evelyn was from Ostwick's Circle in the Free Marches. She was a Trevelyan, a member of a noble family with deep roots in the country. There'd never even been a hint of rumor that she wasn't from her family's country. And if there was one thing he'd learned since joining the Inquisition, it was that secrets never stayed that way for long.

Closing his eyes, he tried his hardest to think back to all those years ago, but it was a failed attempt. The lyrium he'd consumed over the years often clouded his mind, destroying pieces of his memory from a fortnight ago, let alone ten years. An ache was beginning to form between his brows, growing larger the more he tried to bring his piss-poor memory into focus. All it did was cause him agitation.

Sighing in defeat, he grunted and rolled over onto his side.

A dream. That's all it was, he told himself. There was still much he did not know about Inquisitor Evelyn Trevelyan, but he knew all that was necessary. That was enough. His dream couldn't have been real. Only the grand enchanters were allowed to travel between the Circles. Dream Evelyn had been an apprentice still taking classes. It was impossible that she'd have been granted the ability to leave Ostwick, yet even if by some strange occurrence she'd had some form of a powerful title within the Circle at her young age, he and the other advisors would have known about it. Such a title would have been used as a tool to advance the Inquisition's influence months ago.

Giving his head a slight shake, he closed his eyes and decided it was best not to dwell on it any further. It was only a dream he was reading far too much into.