Chapter Fifteen

"Thank you," Yelena said as a tray of tea was placed on the table before them.

Evelyn took a seat across from her with a warm smile. After what seemed like an hour or so of crying, the two women had gone to the gardens for a long, long chat. Guards stood outside of every entrance, preventing nosey onlookers from making a fuss over the Hero of Ferelden the way they'd done Hawke. However, far off into the distance she spotted over two dozen nobles, pilgrims, and even a few scouts watching them from afar along the battlements.

Yelena watched her with a mix of sorrow and regret. "Evie, about Kinloch… I'm so sorry I left you behind. If I'd known what would happen…"

Evelyn closed her eyes as a fresh swarm of pain reared at the very mention. Though it had been several days since she'd last had a nightmare, she'd still felt hesitant every night before going to bed. She hadn't healed from the past one bit; not even a few nights of peaceful sleeping could make her forget the darkness lurking on the outskirts of her pleasant dreams.

Sighing, she signed, "You couldn't have known."

It didn't come as a shock that Yelena spoke Nortualism. In fact, she'd been the one to teach Evelyn. Back when they were careless teens looking for a way to talk without getting caught being up past their bedtimes. "But that doesn't change the way I feel."

"If you had stayed, neither of us would be sitting here today. You were meant to go."

Drawing in a deep breath, Yelena placed her chin in her palm as she leaned forward with a sad look of contemplation. "To this day I wonder if that's true. I never felt like a chosen one. I find it nothing short of luck that I survived the Battle of Ostagar. Then, as a Grey Warden under oath, I felt it was my duty to stop the Blight, no matter the cost." Her gaze lowered in grief. "No matter how hard I tried, we lost so many. I'll always regret the feeling that I could have done more. Or if perhaps someone far more trained than me would have survived in my stead, the Blight could have been stopped before it reached civilization."

Evelyn glanced away. How many times had she felt the same way? How many times had she wondered why she'd been the one to survive the explosion at the Conclave? If perhaps a non-reclusive mage with a shady past had been replaced with someone with far more knowledge, experience, and confidence that they could succeed without casualties.

While she'd accepted her role as Inquisitor and would strive to bring peace to Thedas, she'd be lying if she said it was easy carrying such a burden.

"I did not think anyone had survived," Yelena whispered.

Evelyn peered up at her friend in question.

"When we got to the tower… Maker, it was awful. Our home was destroyed. Our friends were gone. I searched everywhere I could for survivors, but even that was for nothing. And for the ones I managed to save…" Her eyes darkened with pain. "Not even the Queen of Ferelden could go against a Right of Annulment."

Shaking her head, she took a tentative sip of her drink, though she paused when her gaze zoned in on Evelyn's neck. Belatedly, Evelyn only then realized that the wicked scar on her collar bone peeked above the neck of her blouse. Dismayed, she yanked her shirt in place to hide the unsightly wound.

"I'm so sorry you had to endure that," Yelena whispered as her eyes welled with tears. "I'd heard about the Herald of Andraste in my travels, but never could I have ever guessed it would be you. I wish I had known sooner. Even when Leliana sent me a letter requesting I meet with you, I had no idea I'd find you here. What happened, Evie? Where have you been?"

Evelyn ran an uncomfortable hand through her hair. It was the very conversation she'd wished to avoid ever since joining the Inquisition, yet one she'd known was inevitable. She supposed she should be grateful that she was having it with Yelena of all people. "After the Circle fell, I wasn't myself for a long time. I couldn't walk without assistance, and for several months, I couldn't even wield magic. It took five years for my body to heal enough for me to move onward. I wanted to be far away from Ferelden, so I went back to the Free Marches and joined Ostwick's Circle tower. Because I couldn't speak, no one knew who I was, and even with my last name everyone assumed I was just a distant relative from the mighty Trevelyans. I spent another five years there until the rebellion."

"Speaking of your family, have you heard from them? I assume the Circle would have attempted to find a source of contact on your behalf."

Evelyn shrugged, but beneath her casual expression was a bitter hatred at the people who were supposed to love her. "The Trevelyans denied my heritage and denounced any claim they might've had to me. They didn't know or care to find out if their Evelyn was truly alive."

"Those bastards." Yelena twirled her spoon in her tea with a frown. "Well, I bet they're regretting that decision now. The daughter they turned their backs on now runs an organization that can conquer the world if you wanted."

The very thought made Evelyn smile as some of the resentment melted away. "They sent a letter proclaiming joy over my success, and requested to meet to capitalize on an alliance."

Yelena's face twisted in disgust. "I hope you didn't agree to it." Giving a silent chuckle, Evelyn shook her head. "Good. You made the right decision. Yet I wonder if they're planning some form of retaliation. I hate dealing with politics, but I know firsthand that nobles don't generally respond well with being told 'no'."

"I'm afraid you're right about that. I know they're plotting something, but for the time being, they haven't made any moves. I hope it stays that way at least until we stop Corypheus."

Whatever Yelena was going to say was interrupted when they both heard a distant, "Sir, you can't go in there," followed by, "Out of my way, you toad!"

Yelena heaved a quiet sigh while Evelyn watched in amazement as Alistair stormed past the guards and stomped toward them. Yelena stood, appearing completely unconcerned by the thunderous look on his face. "Hello, Alistair."

"Oh, do not 'Hello, Alistair' me," he retorted, stopping just a step away from her. "How in the Maker's name is it that I am the very last person to find out you were here? Hmm? Explain to me that while I've been tormented by going to sleep in a cold bed for months, and pacing the ground with worry, you've been here all day just la-de-da chatting it up with the Inquisitor. I mean really, was this teatime meeting truly so important that you simply forgot I existed? I'm your man! Your smoogly-bear! We haven't seen each other in over a year, and yet instead of coming to me for even a quick hug was just too—"

Alistair bit off his rant with a soft gasp when Yelena reached inside her satchel and pulled out a miniature cheese wheel wrapped inside a cloth. Alistair's eyes went from angry to full of adoration in a quick blink. A dreamy smile touched his lips as he cupped her chin. "Have I mentioned how lovely you look? I've missed you terribly, my darling."

Chuckling, Yelena practically glowed with love as she nuzzled his palm. "Not as much as I've missed you." Still smiling, she took his hand and squeezed it before releasing him to hand over the cheese. "Allow me some time to continue speaking with Evelyn, then I promise I'm all yours."

With a sigh of resignation, Alistair pouted, though he reluctantly turned away. "Fine, but you only have 'til nightfall."

Yelena's smile was all fondness as she watched him go. It warmed Evelyn's heart to see her old friend look so…happy. Though Leliana had already told her that she and Alistair were exclusive, it was baffling to see the couple's interaction in person. The stoic yet sarcastic Grey Warden she'd met back in Crestwood seemed like a completely different person in Yelena's presence.

When they were alone once more, Yelena sat back in her chair, a blush crawling over her cheeks when she caught Evelyn's amused look. "You always did have a thing for warriors."

"Can you blame me? It's the uniform." Still blushing, she took a long sip of her tea before casting a sly smile across the table. "What about you? Lots of hunky men around here. Has there perhaps been anyone to catch your eye?"

It was Evelyn's turn to hide her blush by drinking her tea, wishing it was wine instead.

Yelena laughed. "Oh, don't try to hide from me! There is someone, isn't there? How curious. Who can it be? Perhaps I'll have to do a bit of exploring before I leave in the morning."

The tea almost fell from her hands as she jumped in surprise. She placed it on the table before signing, "You're leaving so soon?"

"Don't think you can change the subject," she chuckled. "But yes. I must continue my search for a way to stop the Calling. In truth, I didn't have the time to return here, but Leliana insisted it was urgent I met with you, to give some words of wisdom. I regret that I didn't get to see you much sooner."

Evelyn nodded in understanding, though a dozen questions rang through her mind. The most pressing was why Leliana had reached out to the Hero of Ferelden in the first place. While it was plausible that the spymaster had merely wanted to call on someone who might be able to relate to Evelyn, she had a sinking fear that it was more than that. Leliana was intelligent, and she was excellent in finding hidden dirt on anyone.

It shouldn't surprise anyone that Evelyn's secret had been discovered. What did surprise her was why Leliana never mentioned it, nor had she seemed even remotely suspicious. She wondered if Leliana had reached out to Yelena simply to see if the two of them knew each other. And their tearful reunion in the war room would have extinguished any doubt she might have had.

Deciding she'd have a private conversation with the sneaky spymaster soon, she shook the mounting thoughts and worries from her mind. "Does the false Calling affect you as well?"

Tilting her head to one side, Yelena nodded. "Yes. I didn't start feeling it until I stepped in Orlais. It seems Corypheus' control can only extend so far." She sighed. "You're going to march on Adamant Fortress soon, right? As much as I wish I could talk him out of it, Alistair can be incredibly stubborn. He'll try to go after the biggest demon there. Just…please take care of him."

"You're worried about him."

She gave a soft snort. "I'm always worried. When we're apart, I'm constantly fearing what would happen to him while I'm away. Is he staying out of trouble? Did he remember to eat? We've been through so much together—some good, some bad. Yet no matter what, we've stayed at each other's side. He's always been a rock in my life, the one solid piece of stability that's kept me grounded this long. I thank the Maker for every day that I have with him. I can't stand the thought that I might lose him to this chaos."

For a moment, Evelyn felt a stab of envy as she wondered what it was like to love someone in such a way. It seemed beautiful and awe-inspiring when she'd watched her friend smile at Alistair, but seeing this side of her made it seem as though love was more trouble than it was worth. To be in constant fear of losing your significant other? To spend every moment of the day lonely or wondering about their well-being? Going to sleep in a cold bed after being accustomed to having a loved one's warmth right there?

Evelyn didn't think that would be a pleasant way to live. How terrifying it must be. She almost hoped she'd never have to experience anything like it.

Right at that moment was when her mind betrayed her into flashing two images in her mind, a side by side view of both Cullen and Solas. Her heart raced as she pretended it didn't mean anything.

"Say, I don't suppose you have something a bit stronger than this?" Yelena asked, gesturing toward the kettle.

…

…

Despite having tried to keep things quiet, news of the Hero of Ferelden's arrival to Skyhold had spread like wildfire. Everyone was gathered along the battlements hoping to catch a glimpse of the famous woman.

Cullen was not one of those people. Their gawking and excited chatter had irked his nerves, making his annoyance spiral out of control as he pushed through the horde. Amell being under Skyhold's roof left him feeling raw. He hadn't seen her in years, not since she'd found him in that magical bubble back in Kinloch. He hadn't had the courage to face her since then, for the humiliation of her seeing him in such a vulnerable state would forever be burned into his mind. He'd revealed his forbidden feelings for her, yet even upon realizing she hadn't been just a dream conjured by the voices in his mind, he'd treated her as though she were a monster for being a mage.

He'd decided it was best that he kept his distance. He didn't want the reminder of the man he'd used to be, nor did he think himself capable of facing her when the old feelings he'd had for her threatened to surge forth and muddle the confusing feelings he currently had for Evelyn. Evelyn, who had everything that reminded him of his first love.

It seemed fate once again sided against him as he entered the grand hall from the rotunda. Yelena and Evelyn crested the upstairs balcony, making him go still. She was just as beautiful as he remembered, albeit much more mature. And from the way her bright eyes practically sparkled when she smiled, it appeared life after the Blight had been kind to her.

His heart froze in his chest as he stood there, though neither woman seemed to notice him as they walked toward Evelyn's temporary room. His Inquisitor smiled at the woman who was just a few inches taller than her, resembling something like a younger sibling looking up to her sister.

The sight seemed far too familiar. Though he hadn't known her for very long, Yelena had always been quite popular in the Circle. She'd always been surrounded by friends, though there'd been one in particular who'd followed her around everywhere, almost like a devotee. Cullen squinted as he struggled to recall the other mage back then, but as per usual, his memory was practically shot.

When the two women disappeared through the doorway leading to a hall of bedrooms, Cullen eased from his position, though he couldn't bring himself to look away. Breathing became a chore as the voices that had been taunting him for days began to grow louder, triggering flashes of memory of when he'd had to endure demons creeping inside his mind, desperately trying to make him give in.

It was too much in that moment. He needed air. Some fresh air to fill his lungs and help him shake off the jarring panic threatening to drive him insane.

…

…

Face burning from all the giggling she'd done all the way until the moon slipped into the sky, Evelyn and Yelena sighed at the same time as they managed to recover from their simultaneous fit of laughter.

"Maker, this takes me back," Yelena said with a laugh. She wiped the joyous tears from her eyes and picked up her glass of wine. "Do you remember when we were caught sneaking a bottle of wine from First Enchanter Irving's private office?"

"I thought he was going to kill us!"

"I'm sure he would have. We were always getting into trouble." Yelena refilled her drink. "Bah, we were kids. We were young. Life was so much simpler back then."

Indeed it had been. They reminisced about those carefree days, back when there was no such thing as demons or abominations or ancient darkspawn magisters. Back when instead of being a jaded recluse who couldn't speak, she'd been filled with joy and laughed at everything. Those were happier times, and reflecting on the more favorable part of her past with someone who understood was a comfort she'd needed for so long.

She smiled at Yelena. Her dear friend had transformed so much that she was practically a stranger, yet it was like the decade of being apart hadn't changed anything.

"So, Evie," Yelena drawled, her saccharine tone full of mischief. "Back to our conversation you so easily avoided. Who is this person you've been admiring?"

Evelyn choked on her drink, making her hastily reach for a nearby rag to soak up the mess. She sent Yelena a sour frown as she fell back on the bed, laughing with glee. She set her glass down. "I'm sorry! This is just too fun. Who is it that has you so jumpy?"

Heaving a deep, exaggerated sigh, Evelyn could only reveal the truth. Not only did she know her friend wouldn't let it go, she hoped talking about touchy subject she'd been mulling over for a year would help settle her heart's dispute. "I honestly don't know how I got in this position."

"This is going to be so good." Without spilling a single drop of wine, she rolled over onto her belly and kicked her feet in the air. "Go on. Tell me all about this person."

"People," she corrected. When Yelena's eyes went wide, Evelyn gave a grim nod. "There's two of them. I met them both just an hour apart, yet I never thought I'd find myself like this."

"Tell me about the first. How does he make you feel?"

Sighing again, she thought about Solas, of the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled genuinely. "He seems…unreal. As if he's not from this world. He knows so much and has endless wisdom. He challenges my way of thinking and brings a new perspective to…everything. More than that, I feel safe and in control of myself when I'm around him. I feel…calm."

"And the other one?"

Evelyn paused when her heart gave a painful lurch. She conjured the image of Cullen, and the way he'd been treating her so coldly. "It's complicated. From the start, he's had this certain…pull on me. With him, I feel like I can hardly breathe. He makes nervous, but not uncomfortable. He's a bit callous, but I've seen gentler sides of him. He's sweet and caring at times, but I can never tell if he's simply being friendly or if there's something more." She frowned into her lap. "Although, lately it seems like he's trying to distance himself. He's never given me a reason to care, but even so…why does it make my heart hurt so much?" She gave a frustrated shake of her head. "I don't understand him. I don't understand any of this."

Yelena took a deep sip of her wine. "Wow. It seems like you really have your hands full, Evie."

Raising an eyebrow, Evelyn waited for her friend to continue. When Yelena finished off her glass and still said nothing, Evelyn scoffed. "That's it? You don't have any advice?"

Yelena grinned. "I'm sorry, my dear, but I can't say I relate to your situation. I knew from the day we met that Alistair would be special to me, even if he might not have reciprocated the feeling. Fortunately, the poor sod wore his heart on his sleeve, so we fell in love quite easily. We've had some pretty bad days where I thought it was over, but we've always returned to each other."

At Evelyn's crestfallen face, Yelena sighed and sat up. "You say you don't understand their feelings, but it sounds like you're more unsure of yourself. I think you should take some time and decide whether or not you truly even want to pursue a romantic bond with anyone. You can love someone and not be with them, after all. Especially if one or both of you are not ready to commit. Then, should the time come where you have to choose between the two of them, just trust your heart. Only you know what's best for you."

Evelyn still didn't quite understand, but she flashed a small smile of thanks. She would take the advice into consideration, perhaps after Adamant when things calmed down a bit more.

A loud banging echoed down the hall, followed by the sounds of a heavy wooden door being shoved open. "Warden-Commander Yelena Amell, it is well past nightfall!"

Yelena looked heavenward while Evelyn chuckled silently. "Sounds like you're in trouble."

As they listened to Alistair's angry stomping grow louder as he neared, Yelena flashed a mischievous smile. "Another piece of advice. The fastest way to change a man's mood—" she lowered her voice to a whisper "—is this little move."

Just as Alistair pushed the bedroom door open, Yelena stood to face him. Her eyelids lowered in false sympathy and a cute pout pursed her lips. With the lightest touch, she placed a gentle hand on his chest. "Is it night already? I didn't mean to keep you waiting. I simply lost track of time."

A light shade of pink touched his cheeks as his eyes softened, completely melting away all traces of anger. "O-oh, no worries. I can't stay mad at you. I'm sorry for causing such a fuss."

Smiling, she stroked a single fingertip along the material of his blue uniform "Can you wait for me outside for a few moments? I was just getting ready to say goodnight."

"Of course, my dear. Of course. Take your time."

As he left, Yelena winked at Evelyn's stunned look. "Works every time," she murmured with a small giggle. "And I didn't even have to apologize."

Bemused, Evelyn shook her head. "That was pure manipulation."

"I call it a woman's charm." She took a seat on the edge of the bed and took Evelyn's hands. "Today was the best day I've had in a long time. I'm so happy you're here, Evelyn. I wish I could stay longer, but this hunt means everything to Alistair and me. If I'm successful, not only will we have more time together, but all Wardens will be able to live longer, fuller lives. They can get married, settle down, or just travel the outer reaches of the world if they wanted. I have to chase this down. If not, I'd be happy to remain here."

Nodding, Evelyn squeezed her hands in comfort before releasing her. "I understand. I'm grateful that I got to see you again."

"Once I find the answers I'm looking for, I'll come back to visit you. Until then, write to me, okay?"

When Evelyn nodded again with a wide smile, Yelena rubbed the top of her head with all the affection of an older sister. "Goodnight, Evie."

…

…

Despite having drank two bottles of wine until her vision blurred, Evelyn hadn't been able to sleep a wink. There was far too much on her mind—confusion as she mulled over her feelings for two different men, excitement with being reunited with someone who was so dear to her heart, and worry over the upcoming battle. So at the crack of dawn when the sun was barely peaking over the horizon, she got dressed and left her bedroom to see Yelena off.

The halls were quiet as most of Skyhold was still fast asleep. Evelyn descended the stairs and entered the grand hall, lost in her own thoughts.

"Goodbye, Cullen."

She slowed her steps as she glanced up, spotting Yelena and Cullen near the entryway.

"Maker go with you…Amell." The sorrow in his voice was near heartbreaking as he turned away, looking forlorn as he passed her by. Evelyn caught the sight of his blush, though his eyes looked sadder than she'd ever seen. He didn't look at her, didn't even seem to notice her as he entered the rotunda.

Yelena spotted her as she approached, and waved in greeting.

"Good morning," Evelyn signed. "How do you know Cullen?"

Yelena's smile lessened, turning quite sad as she stared down at Evelyn. "Ah. So you don't know…" She sighed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm afraid that isn't my story to tell, Evie."

Frowning, Evelyn scrutinized her friend, trying to decipher what she meant. Cullen had the look of a man who'd had his heart broken, which had her thinking perhaps he and Yelena had some sort of history together. The thought made her blush in embarrassment. Though Yelena had said she'd only ever had eyes for Alistair, she'd also said there were times when they'd fallen out. What if Cullen had been a fling in between one of those breaks? While it was clear Yelena had moved on and was happy with Alistair, it was painfully evident that Cullen still harbored some kind of feelings for her. Perhaps he'd never moved on.

It wasn't like she knew much about the commander's personal life. What little she knew about him couldn't even fill a single piece of parchment. He was quite handsome, so it was no surprise that she wasn't the only one to be attracted to him. If she had to guess, he appeared to be roughly no older than early thirties, so she didn't doubt he'd had relationships prior to the Conclave. For all she knew, he could even be married with a family somewhere safe while he served the Inquisition.

The thought only further humiliated Evelyn, while adding on a bit of guilt that it was entirely possible she'd been falling for a man who could very well be unavailable.

Deciding it wasn't her place to ask anything further, she smiled at Yelena and gestured toward the front gate.

Alistair and Leliana were already waiting. As they approached, Leliana shared some kind words and gave Yelena a hug. Then, Alistair pulled Yelena into an embrace that was as loving as it was heartbreaking. "Please be careful, my love," he murmured to her.

Burying her nose in his neck, Yelena drew in a deep breath. "You will never lose me, Alistair. Just a bit longer, and we'll never have to be apart again."

"I know." Squeezing his eyes shut, he hugged her a few beats more before pulling away to kiss her.

With a tearful smile, Yelena peered over all three of them. She placed her hands on Evelyn's shoulders. "Remember our talk last night. When the time comes, I know you'll make the right decision."

Nodding, Evelyn gave her friend one last hug before releasing her. Yelena waved as she drew her hood on and eased down the bridge. The three of them watched her go, and Alistair unsubtly wiped his eyes.

"Ah, damn that woman," he muttered sadly. "I miss her already."

Leliana chuckled. "Don't worry. If werewolves, bandits, an archdemon, and hordes of darkspawn weren't enough to take her down, rest assured she'll conquer whatever else comes her way. She'll be back in your arms in no time."

"Yes, but that doesn't make enduring her absence any easier." He heaved a deep sigh and turned away when his lover was no longer visible. "I suppose we should make sure all last-minute preparations are taken care of for tomorrow. Hawke and I will travel ahead to meet the soldiers already at Adamant."

Leliana peered at Evelyn with a cautious gaze after he left. "I, too, have a few matters I need to address. I'll await you in the war room for our meeting."

Evelyn nodded. Though there was still some things she needed to discuss with Leliana in private, that would also have to wait until after their battle. There was so much to prepare for and little time left.