Carlisle had decided to give it a day or two. Give Jasper time to talk with Bella again, talk with Alice, and give his family a chance to get used to the idea of Bella Swan at their lunch table. It'd be nice if she could confess to them herself, if they gave her the chance to, and maybe now that Jasper seemed to be convinced, he could get through to them.

Or, at the very least, a few more days might let everyone forget about the gym clothes.

That had been the plan.

By the next evening he knew immediately it had been a mistake.

Esme didn't greet him as he walked in the door, she was deep in the kitchen baking again, baking—she'd been baking an unprecedented amount at that—which… Esme, when she was distressed, often retreated to the kitchen. Not necessarily to try new recipes, but usually old, familiar, baking recipes that might then bring some humans joy: cookies, pastries, pies, cupcakes, cakes, and anything in between.

It was her way of escaping, of handling stress, the same way Rosalie might retreat to her cars, Carlisle to his work, or Edward to the woods. Vampires couldn't burn away their stress with exercise, their minds rarely let them forget and move on from the source of it, and so they desperately tried to find something to occupy themselves with.

Esme was so easy-going, though, so level-headed, that it rarely lasted more than a day or two. Just enough for her to think of how to talk to Edward or Rosalie or whoever it was that was in distress and then it was done.

And she always made it a point to greet him when he got home from work.

And instead of Esme standing at the door, it was Edward, looking as if he'd been waiting there for some time.

"Carlisle, we need to talk," were the first words out of his mouth before Carlisle could so much as blink.

It was not a question either, if Carlisle could talk or would he please come talk.

Edward then moved forward, shooing Carlisle outside, making it clear that this was going to be a private conversation (or as private as conversations in their family could get with Alice and her all-seeing eye).

They ran for several miles and eventually stopped in the middle of the woods, far from both the house and Quileute territory.

Carlisle started first, "What happened?"

Once again, there'd been no suitcases, no packed furniture, no calls at work or sign that something had happened that might have caused this. And after yesterday—Carlisle was beginning to think that nothing would and his family was just being…

Dramatic was a harsh way of putting it but he wasn't sure he had another word for it.

Edward huffed a laugh at the thought, "I realize that we–must look so petty from the outside," his smile faded and a dark expression entered his eyes, "Keep in mind, Carlisle, you only met this girl once, and for a period shorter than fifteen minutes."

Carlisle, carefully, made a point of focusing on exactly how the trees looked today, rather than anything else that might cross his mind.

"So, it's still about Bella?" Carlisle asked slowly.

Edward let out a long sigh, "Yes and no, it's about Jasper."

Carlisle blinked, "What's wrong with Jasper?"

Edward gave him a look, an incredulous, disbelieving, look. Then he shook his head and muttered to himself, "You always see the best in us, don't you?"

He moved to sit on a log and motioned for Carlisle to join him. With some wariness, Carlisle did, uncertain how to feel or how he should prepare himself for wherever this conversation was going.

"You know about the gym clothes," Edward started.

"Yes," Carlisle said warily, then after a pause added, "Edward, he has his reasons. I realize he looks—frankly, he looks like a pervert, but think if you were in his position with the control he has."

He met Edward's eyes, very dark today as theirs all were, they would have to go hunting soon. Carlisle couldn't read what Edward thought in there, what he made of this, but he continued regardless.

"He has found a solution, albeit an unconventional one, that makes everyone at school that much safer and gives him some confidence for the future. Even if she smells dreadful, Edward, this isn't a bad thing. In fact, it may even be good for all of us. I'm not saying you should all run out and raid her laundry, please don't, but—Jasper is not the only one who has slipped."

Edward said nothing to that for a very long moment and then, "The gym clothes were just the start."

Carlisle felt his mouth fall open and couldn't help but blurt, "It's been a day!"

Edward just gave him a wry, bitter, smile, "You know what he said this morning? To Alice then the rest of us when she refused to listen?"

"No?" Carlisle asked.

"He said that Bella Swan is your alien friend," Edward said, laughing as if this were a joke, "He said that you've been meeting her for ice cream at Dairy Queen, paying the bill, and that she approached him because you think that we should be friends and she should someday soon join the family."

Carlisle—did not like where this was going.

"Carlisle," Edward said fondly, "I know you've—been very embarrassed about what happened to your car the other day. Frankly, I would be too, and—my respect for you hasn't diminished in the least, but it did remind me you are a man just like the rest of us with imperfections."

At least Edward made it seem like this made him approachable versus—sounding like some sort of intimidating saint.

"And while your attempt to cover this all up is utterly ridiculous, and equally if not more embarrassing than the car, it's also—would you be offended if I said adorable? I can't really think of another word."

Carlisle—wasn't sure if he should be offended or not, this all was starting to feel a bit too surreal.

"My point is, we all know you're lying, every one of us, and yet the first thing out of Jasper's mouth this morning is to take advantage of your blatant lie so as to force Bella Swan to not only be in our presence but potentially become a member of our family," Edward said, his face darkening, "He is laying the groundwork to make way for her."

"But she is an alien," Carlisle couldn't help but blurt, "Edward, I know I—no, none of you have even let me talk about this. Edward, Bella Swan is an alien, I have seen very conclusive evidence that she is something not human and that she desperately needs our help in the future and—"

Carlisle felt his mind flash back to Bella and his confrontation in the woods in spite of himself. How she'd thrown him around like he was a rag doll and he'd been the very clear loser in that fight.

Except, apparently this evidence worked against him, as to Edward it must have seemed so absurd that it couldn't possibly have happened.

"Look," Edward said with a fond, almost sad, smile, "Even now you try to cover for him. Carlisle, she's a human girl like any other. She may smell like rancid fruit, but she looks human, she acts human, she eats like a human, walks, talks, and speaks like a human, and she has a human family with a very human father who has been the town sheriff for years."

Carlisle couldn't help but flash back to Bella in both Port Angeles and Dairy Queen, eating like a human was—not how he'd put that.

Edward frowned, puzzled, but blinked Carlisle's thoughts away in confusion.

"Can you let me finish, Carlisle?" he asked.

Carlisle thought it over and sighed in defeat, "Fine."

He loved his children but Edward and Rosalie could win awards for stubbornness. Edward especially, he never gave up and never gave in until his own mind changed. If he wanted to have his say first then he'd have his say first, no matter what Carlisle thought about it.

Carlisle would just have to wait for him to finish.

"Alice was devastated, as you can imagine," Edward said, "This destroys her gift, you realize, as she can't not only see her but anything that interacts with her. Jasper is purposefully suggesting making his own wife blind. But—that's not even the worst of it."

"What's the worst of it?" Carlisle asked.

"Well—everyone said no, of course," Edward said dismissively, as if—as if that were the natural state of things, "Rosalie hates the girl, if for the wrong reasons, and Emmett won't do anything to make Rosalie unhappy. And—God, Carlisle, can you imagine smelling that every day? Living in a house with that smell? But he didn't listen, just said that he thought she should come over for dinner or this weekend and that if he had to he'd talk to you about it. Knowing that you would, of course, agree to it because you're that kind."

Carlisle had nothing to say to that, he could only stare dumbly.

"But of course, she shows back up at lunch, to our table, as if she now has a permanent seat there and sits right next to Jasper nevermind that Alice is sitting right there on his other side. He greets her like an old friend, uses his gift to convince her to tell us all that yes, she is in fact an alien, and then she tells him that he's taking her to the upcoming dance so that Mike Newton won't. And he just—agrees to it, right there in front of Alice."

So… Jasper would be going to prom with Bella?

"Sadie Hawkins," Edward corrected, "Too early in the year for Prom."

Carlisle could only stare at Edward blankly, utterly unable to understand both the meaningful difference between Prom and Sadie Hawkins or why it mattered at all. His family had spent years complaining about the pointlessness of high school dances.

Then Edward sighed, looking at once frustrated and petulant, as Carlisle apparently failed to grasp just what he was getting at, "I suppose the idea is unthinkable to you. You can't even comprehend it, let alone guess at it. Carlisle, he's having an affair."

"He's what?!" Carlisle blurted.

"He's cheating on her with that—thing," Edward said, his face growing dark, truly angry on that final word, "And he's using you so that he can groom her and turn her upon graduation. He's doing so right in front of Alice, without a care in the world, making half-hearted attempts to—try to convince her that this isn't what's happening and that he truly loves her all while preparing to take his mistress to the dance."

"Carlisle, he is a monster, in ways that I never thought—Jasper has always been different, but even he wouldn't stoop to this," Edward said.

He then took a deep, shuddering, breath and looked at Carlisle, "Carlisle, you have to do something. This will destroy Alice, and without her gift to guide her through this, she feels more helpless than she ever has in her life. She loves Jasper, he's the only one she's ever seen for herself, and she's watching him disappear in front of her eyes. Jasper doesn't respect me, but he does respect you."

And Carlisle—didn't know what to think.

For a moment, he just felt there was some awful, terrible, choice in front of him in which there was no good answer.

Even though there was no choice because this was absurd.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "I'll talk to Jasper. However, he's not lying. He's not—using me to get to Bella and Bella is, legitimately, an alien. If you would give me ten minutes, I could have her come over and prove it to the entire family."

Edward's brow furrowed, he looked very confused, "Carlisle, what—what are you even talking about?"

"I did take her to Dairy Queen and I did pay for five supersized blizzards," Carlisle said, "If you don't believe me I can show you my credit card statement. I also took her to dinner the other night and paid for—more food than I have ever paid for in my life."

"She is an alien, absolutely, one-hundred percent," Carlisle said, "And while I can't say for certain with Jasper—I would be highly surprised if he were cheating on his wife."

Edward stared, eyes wide with shock, looking numb.

That, Carlisle thought, decided it.

"Alright, I'm bringing her over," Carlisle announced, "Edward, if you could get everyone together, we'll prove this once and for all."

He didn't wait for Edward to answer, instead he took off running towards Bella's house.

Like the previous time, he ended up throwing rocks at her window. Cell phones were a brilliant but unfortunately new technology, one that was far out of Bella Swan's price range, which meant that she didn't have one and that had he called he would have been calling the house phone.

And since—it would look quite awful were he to knock at the door, answered by Charlie Swan, saying that he was looking for his daughter—it left him throwing rocks at her window.

Luckily, Bella didn't seem to go out much and seemed to have as good of hearing as he himself did.

She opened at the first tap.

She vaulted out the window with an unnatural grace and uncanny speed, flipping through the air to land perfectly on her feet in a crouch. It was—he knew vampires moved like that all the time, but there was something about seeing it coming from a girl who looked so human that made it feel that much more impressive.

Less impressive was that she appeared to be in her pajamas and without shoes.

"Steakhouse," were the first words out of her mouth as she greeted him.

"Steakhouse?" he asked as they began walking towards the treeline and out of sight.

"We're going to a steakhouse," she explained, clearly not at all concerned by the fact that she was not dressed to enter any eating establishment, "Ice cream is great, meat is better. And—we may be out at home, and we may have eaten through the school's store of ground beef."

"Bella!" he squawked, "You can't—there are people who rely on those lunches!"

"We know, we're one of those people," Bella said, giving him a look.

"No, I mean those on assisted lunches who genuinely do not have food at home," Carlisle said, God, he felt like he'd have to find a way to surreptitiously restock the school. He didn't know how, but he would, "You can't do it again. If you ever—just come to me, I'll pay. Lord knows we have enough money."

After Isle Esme, Carlisle had given up on any idea that he could live in any way in moderation like a normal being.

And, Bella was giving him that look he was a little too familiar with. The look where someone took in his clothes, his cars, his house, and realized that he had just a little bit too much money when compared to them.

"Also, tomorrow," Carlisle promised, "Steakhouse tomorrow, if you insist, tonight—you have to come and meet my family."

"Oh no," Bella said, still giving him a look and stopping dead in her tracks, shaking her head back and forth, "We met them at lunch, didn't go well. Did you know that Rosalie called us a whore?"

She—what?

"She didn't mean for us to hear it," Bella said, "We think she was aiming it to be at a higher pitch than a human could hear but—yeah, that one's new."

"Of course, things aren't going so well on the reproductive front in general," Bella mused with a frown, "We mean—so there's this dance."

"Yes, I've heard," Carlisle said, then with a pause, "And I heard you asked Jasper."

"We had to," Bella said, "We had no choice. We were asked by no less than three guys, it's—we've never been this popular with the opposite sex. It's terrible."

He felt–He felt as if he were watching a National Geographic documentary. One where a strange creature had infiltrated the society of another strange creature's habitat. Only, now, mating season had come about and all the penguins were giving her pebbles that she had absolutely no idea what to do with it. Here, all Bella Swan had wanted was to go to high school.

"Truly?" he asked.

"We thought, first, that we'd make up some excuse about driving to Seattle on that specific day. But then, Jasper owes us for the laundry, so why not cash in? He's intimidating and good-looking enough that no one will ever think to ask us to a dance ever again."

Well—

Carlisle guessed that explained that.

"Of course, that's where the whore bit came in—From Rosalie too and not his sister-bride, which we hadn't expected," Bella continued.

"His what?"

"Oh, the sister he sleeps with," Bella explained, as if this was casual knowledge, "Alice. Rosalie sleeps with Emmett, Alice sleeps with Jasper, and Edward sleeps with—his left hand. No one's sure about that last one."

"What?"

"Everyone knows," Bella said with a shrug, "It was the first thing Jessica Stanley told us at lunch. That they have sexual intercourse with each other. Except for possibly Edward, but he'll never date you. She was right."

What—

What were they doing at school?

True, it was hard to hide feelings like that. But a few odd looks, a few unintentionally tender glances, should not have translated to the entire high school casually remarking on your incestuous relationships and telling them first thing to newcomers.

"Oh, that's the Cullens, they all sleep with each other. Could you pass the orange juice?"

Carlisle—

He didn't even know what to say.

First the lunch table and now this.

"Our point being, we already tried earlier. Jasper introduced us, told them the whole story, and—like Moses we parted the red sea," she said, making a motion with her hands as if to part the waters of the red sea, then she explained, "The red sea being the Cullens from their lunch table."

"They—" Carlisle started, stopped, then said, "It may—somehow be my fault. When you totaled my car, I had to explain that and they decided I was lying out of embarrassment and that the alien I keep talking about is part of that. Now they think that Jasper is taking advantage of that in order to cheat on his wife."

"His sister," Bella corrected.

"No, his—they're not actually brother and sister, it's his wife," Carlisle said, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Don't you guys have that whole nuclear family thing going?" Bella asked, "You're the father, the one that grocery shops is your wife, they're the kids and siblings. If it's not an act—then she's his wife and his sister."

Please, no.

"Can you reproduce?" Bella asked, too fast for him to even begin to argue with what she'd already said.

"What? Where's that—" Carlisle spluttered, "No, not—traditionally, not via sex. We're vampires, we bite someone to turn them into a vampire."

"Well then, no deformed, hemophiliac, vampire children," Bella said, "So there's no biological reason your species should have the incest taboo. Now, psychologically, it might mess them up something fierce, but that's for human beings and your people are anything but that—"

"Trust me, he does not see her as a sister," Carlisle said, "Nor does Rosalie see Emmett as a brother. I promise. There is—truth to our act, but not in that, they play at siblings because it makes things so much easier. Please, believe me."

Bella did not look convinced.

However—Carlisle supposed the thing about being possessed by an alien at an early age was that you genuinely didn't care about human societal norms anymore. Including accusations of incest.

"Alright, fine," she said, "But can we skip this whole meeting your family business?"

"No," Carlisle said, "No, I'm so sorry, but it will only get worse the longer this goes on. My god, it already has, Jasper's being accused of cheating on his sis—wife. I just—if you could just prove to them that you're not quite human, then all of this will be solved."

She considered him, frowning, "How? I knew you weren't human right away; it was obvious, the smell alone should tip them off."

"You know how—human beings are sometimes not intuitive and second guess our instincts?" Carlisle asked, "Yes, well, vampires inherited that. They—the idea is so absurd that it hasn't even crossed their minds."

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, "Do something that shows how fast you are, how strong, no matter how—different you smell, that will give them a very large clue. If you have anything else you've been holding out on me, now would also be a great time to show it off."

"Like what?" Bella asked.

"Well—Edward reads minds, for example," Carlisle said, because he'd have to confess to that sooner or later even if it didn't seem to affect Bella.

"Right, he mentioned that," Bella said, and at Carlisle's alarmed look, "His family spends the lunch pretending not to speak to each other and staring at walls. My first day in, they asked him if he could hear the new girl's thoughts. He said no."

Pretending—what?

What were they doing at school all day?

Carlisle was haunted by the horrible vision that, perhaps, Bella Plus One was better at blending into human society than his own children who very much had once been human and had been playing at this charade for years.

He almost wanted to ask what else they did. But—no, no, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He went to work, and they went to school, and never shall those two paths cross.

"Well, we don't read minds or anything—" Bella said, frowning, "Though we suppose blocking Edward's telepathy and Alice's prophetic visions should be proof enough. We might have prophetic dreams?"

"What?" he asked.

"We're not sure," she said with a shrug, "I always thought no, but the other thought we obtain a little too much information that shouldn't be otherwise available for us through sleeping. Not all the time, of course, and we can't do it on command."

"… We'll just stick to the strength and speed," Carlisle finally said.

"If you say so," Bella said with a shrug, and the pair began walking again, "But Carlisle—We think they don't believe it because they don't wish to believe it. They won't believe it now, either, or if they do—they won't be happy about it."

And the way she said that—what she meant was that she expected to go to war with them again as she once had Carlisle.

It was worth noting just how far things had gotten out of hand, that Jasper was accused of cheating on his wife and Bella was now preparing for her murder at his family's hands. All because Carlisle, despite all his efforts, hadn't managed to convince his family of anything besides him wrecking his own car.

"They'll be fine," Carlisle said, "They're good people, really."

"It's not about whether they're good people or bad people," Bella said, and then added mysteriously, "It's a big universe out there."

Carlisle couldn't help but smile and laugh, in spite of it all, "You keep saying that, what's it supposed to mean this time?"

"Those that make it—instinct drives them more than they wish to acknowledge."

And his smile disappeared.

Edward had, in fact, gathered the family to wait for him and Bella. He wasn't sure that he would, Carlisle hadn't waited for his answer (had intended to gather the family himself if Edward wouldn't do it).

They were all standing outside in the front yard, each looking anxious, confused, and in the case of all but Esme, deeply angry. Rosalie, especially, looked extremely upset and like she was just waiting to tear into Carlisle.

"Carlisle," Rosalie said upon seeing him, "What are you doing?"

Carlisle forced himself to smile instead.

"Everyone," Carlisle said, "I am here to—clear Jasper's name and prove that Bella Swan is, in fact, my alien friend."

He motioned to Bella, who came to a halt next to him, and waved across at his family who hadn't moved an inch.

"Hello again," Bella offered.

They didn't answer.

It felt—oddly like two armies facing off on a battlefield. The tension was that thick. Except, of course, for Jasper who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else in the world.

"Right, she's an alien," Carlisle repeated, "And I've brought her here so that I can prove it. Bella, if you'll please—"

Bella looked around, "Please what? What do you want me to lift here or—even run around."

"Carlisle, what is she talking about?" Edward asked, "What is she even doing here?"

Were—were they really going to make him repeat this a third time.

"I seem to be stronger and faster than your people," Bella said, "Carlisle thinks this will help prove that one half of Bella Swan is decidedly not from Earth."

For a moment, they just stared, then Emmett laughed.

"Alright, I'm game," he said, nudging Rosalie who gave him a fond smile, if dampered by her own annoyance and anger. He walked up to Bella, reaching out with a hand, "You, me, arm wrestling."

Bella looked at his proffered arm, at his bulging muscles and intimidating height, and she didn't seem to even see it, "Sure."

Emmett grinned.

"You're going to crush her arm," Edward hissed under his breath, but his eyes were on Carlisle, and quiet enough that he likely thought Bella couldn't hear he asked, "And do you really mean to tell me that you were the one to tell her the secret?"

"What's so secret about it?" Bella asked, ignoring the way Edward's head whipped towards her in embarrassed horror and shock, "You people walk in broad daylight looking like marble statues with kaleidoscope eyes and a built-in scent of perfume. It wasn't that hard to figure out, especially if you know what to look for."

Bella then flopped onto the ground, positioning her arm, while Emmett with a grin did the same.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, but it was a fond gesture, and she purposefully kept her mouth shut.

"I'll try not to hurt you," Emmett said as he took her hand in his and—had she truly been human, as his family suspected, then this would have been a terrible idea. She really would have her hand pulverized, crushed, and perhaps it would even be smashed and begin bleeding with someone then devouring her.

Did his family, then, know deep down or—or would they have let this happen with an ordinary human girl who would have been devastatingly injured from this?

Edward, damningly, didn't answer, his eyes were locked instead on Bella Swan in concentration and—anger.

They made eye contact for a few seconds, and then it started. Or, rather, it didn't start. Emmett began to try and move her hand but—it didn't go anywhere. She held it perfectly steady, as if her arm were the face of a mountain, while Emmett first tried to wrestle it downwards with his arm and then gave up and began putting his whole body into the effort.

It didn't go anywhere.

Then, after another second, she slammed his arm down onto the ground, flipping him upside down along with it.

The family—stared.

Emmett was by far the strongest of them. He was on the diet, true, and newborn vampires were stronger than he was, but he was by no means weak.

And now—he'd been defeated in arm wrestling by someone who looked like Bella Swan.

He lay on his back, staring up dumbly at the sky, everyone watched him. They looked like they were all waiting for him to announce this was a joke, his latest joke, a clever subversion of expectations and a bit of slapstick with it.

He didn't.

They all turned to stare at Bella, who was now standing up and dusting off her hands, "Like Carlisle said, we're an alien, or half an alien anyway, have been since we were nine and—" she stopped, sniffed at the air, where the scent of Esme's cookies were wafting out of the kitchen, "Is there something baking?"

"Yes," Esme squawked, then she tried to smile, "I mean, yes, Bella, there is. Would you—like some?"

"Yes," Bella said, as if this should be obvious.

"Oh, of course," Esme said, then offered to show Bella into the house, "Right this way, I hope you like cookies. No allergies?"

Carlisle stared at the rest of them for a moment, all, even Jasper, in varying degrees of shock.

"Right, well, there's your proof," Carlisle said, "We'll—discuss more on this inside."

He turned to follow Esme and Bella, best to probably let them sort through their feelings on their own for a bit.

Author's Note: Thanks to Vinelle for betaing the chapter. Thanks to readers and reviewers. Reviews are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight