Behind the Scenes - 17

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter! They're so encouraging! :) For this chapter, I wanted to try something new; ~experiment~ a little bit. I didn't necessarily want to rehash a lot of the movie except to expound upon certain scenes, so I'm trying a different summarative approach. I really like how it turned out! It's just going to be for this chapter. Enjoy!

All he felt was pain. Every nerve ending was on fire. His blood was sizzling in his veins.

There was a bright, white light everywhere, and it burned his eyes. Or were his eyes actually burning? He could smell burnt flesh - was it his?

He could hear buzzing by his hear, and then a rapid clicking noise. His heart was beating furiously in fear and agony.

His tongue tasted like copper - was it blood? Or was there something metal in his mouth?

Suddenly he was submerged in something viscous and cold. It soothed the burning but soon he was shaking. He was shivering so hard he gnashed his teeth together.

He tried to think - where was he? What was happening to him?

…Who was he?

He felt desperation.

Then longing.

Then darkness.

Dear Trinity,

I can't believe I'm even writing this letter to you now. Everything feels so… surreal. I remember you dying, I remember me dying, then… nothingness. But I'm alive somehow. And so are you. I saw you, in one of those pods. A team came to rescue me, I don't understand it really. But I saw you. I know I did. They brought me back to their ship and they unplugged me all over again, but the technology seems to have changed. I have this new metal attachment on the back of my neck. It doesn't hurt but it's large and imposing. Plus the treatments they gave me allowed me to walk after only one day, so technology must have improved, right? I was still incredibly sore but it doesn't matter. Because I'm alive. And so are you.

I guess I should be grateful the machines saved us both. I don't know why yet, but I'm grateful nonetheless. At least you're living some ordinary life in the matrix instead of dead on the Logos.

I am desperate to talk to you. And this is my only outlet. So, until we are together again, I will write to you.

I promise you, I will come for you. I will do anything to get you back. For now though, all I have is this tablet they leant me. It feels good to talk to you again, even if you can't talk back.

Yet.

Yours,

Neo

Dear Trinity,

I miss you so much it hurts. Graciously, I didn't have to live without you very long before I died too. Before. But now here I am, and here you aren't. Yet. I keep telling myself that, even though Bugs doesn't seem to have much faith we will be able to get you out. She is the one who rescued me. I think you'd like her.

We're headed to Io now. It's the new Zion. I dread telling you that piece of information - that Zion is no more. Everything we did, we did to save it, and now it's gone. But I guess it wasn't just about the place, was it? It's the people. According to Bugs there are thousands of people living in Io. I can't even begin to fathom. I look forward to seeing it, though. I just wish you were seeing it with me.

I've been getting these flashes. I don't know if they're real or imagined; memories or dreams. I'm in pain and I'm screaming. I'm surrounded by machines. Sometimes I see you, sometimes I don't. It's like when you go all day without thinking about the dream you had the night before. You know you dreamed something, but it's a wisp of what the images really were, and you can only recall glances rather than full memories. The more you try to tug at the string, the more it slips from your grasp.

I don't know if these are memories or not. Like I said, it's hard to recall what's even real anymore. I've lived how many lifetimes, now?

You know what is real though? Our connection. It'll never be severed, of that I am certain. You were always there; lying dormant, and just out of reach, but there. I don't think even the machines can keep us apart.

Once I get you back, nothing will ever separate us again.

Yours,

Neo

Dear Trinity,

We should be arriving in Io soon. I am getting nervous, but I am excited nonetheless. As I wait, I am trying to brainstorm ways to get you out. But I don't know enough about this world, this technology, to come up with a sound plan yet. So instead I will write this letter. It'll both cheer me up and pass the time.

You know, in the matrix I saw you all the time. I was entranced by you, and always visited the same places in the hopes that I would see you walk in. I never approached you until that one time at the coffee shop, though. I had butterflies in my stomach, like your piercing blue eyes could see right through me. I thought about you even more, after that first meeting. You were beautiful, and I couldn't help but revert back to my old, shy self. After all, I guess I didn't know that I knew you already - even though everything about you felt familiar? It's hard to put into words I guess. Though, I can't help but wonder… for as much as I thought about you, when I was Thomas Anderson the video game designer, did you also think about me? Do you have any memory of your previous life at all? Was there something in your bones that called out for me, the same way mine called out for you?

You know, that interaction reminds me of the time you told me you loved me. I was too shy to make the first move, and if you hadn't done it, I have no idea how long it would have taken me to work up the courage. Hell, even in the matrix, my colleague had to approach you on my behalf. At the time it was humiliating but now it makes me laugh. If only he knew just how close we'd already been. How I know every inch of you. How I know everything about you. How I can read your mind sometimes and know how you're feeling just by glancing at your face. How I'm one of the only people who has ever seen you cry.

I know the noises you make when you sleep. I know all your sensitive spots. I know your deepest fears and most prominent regrets.

I know you. Better than anyone. And you know me. And soon, we will get to know each other all over again.

Yours,

Neo

Dear Trinity,

I've been thinking about our conversation in the coffee shop - a lot. If I had known then what I know now, I could have gotten you out with me. But… part of me wonders if you'd have even left with me. You had KIDS. At the time, I didn't think twice about seeing you with kids.

Now though? God. It rips my heart out, for multiple reasons. For one, I guess I figured if you ever had kids, it would have been with me. Also, we never really got to even talk about that in the real world. We were focused so much on saving everyone's lives, we never really got to have lives of our own. I look at myself in the mirror and I see how much I've aged… kinda ironic, isn't it? That our second chance at life has probably destroyed any chance we had at creating it.

You know, you also said something that intrigued me. You said, you didn't know whether you'd had kids because you wanted them or because society deemed it so. Despite what I'd seen earlier in the coffee shop, it was this logic that made me wonder if you were actually happy or not. I don't even think YOU could articulate whether you were satisfied with your life as a mom or not.

Would you have wanted to be one out here, with me? Would it even have been possible, if we'd lived?

Does it even matter now?

As a man, I can't say I ever felt a societal pressure while inside the matrix to have a family. But I remember wanting one, before becoming "THE One." Most of all, I wanted a family to have a place where I belonged; where I meant something to someone.

I guess I didn't need kids to find that though, did I? You are my family. So I guess I found what I was looking for after all.

Yours,

Neo

Dear Trinity,

I am in complete shock (yet again), which to be honest, is starting to wear on me. I truly thought everyone we knew was gone. I thought that since Zion was gone, so must everyone else. But that's not entirely true. I saw Niobe today. It was surreal. I can hardly think of a better word to describe it all. Even seeing Io! It was incredible, Trin. I can't wait to show you.

They're doing things so differently here. They mimic the sky, grow all kinds of plants… They even replicated strawberries! Niobe said none of it would be possible without machines and humans working together, and I believe it. Everything so far has been so advanced. I know I said it already but I'll say it again: I can't wait to show you.

I can see your reaction in my head as I write this, but hopefully you can let it go when you actually find out. But… Niobe put me in confinement when I told her I'd wanted to rescue you. I understand her reasoning; she is trying to keep Io safe from retaliation. But I didn't go through everything I went through to be deprived of getting you back safe and sound. I know Niobe doesn't want you to be in there, either, but she is trying to think of the greater good, I suppose.

I know deep down you wouldn't want to stay in the matrix if given a choice. You'd want your freedom, and I can't just sit back and let you sit all alone in that pod. At least, this is what I tell myself to convince myself that we're doing the right thing, trying to free you. I'm scared that if given the choice, you'll pick your matrix family over your own escape. Over me.

But anyway… I just want you to know - my imprisonment? It didn't last long, don't worry. (Why did I change the subject, you ask? Because I'm exhausted and emotional and I can't handle thinking about the what-ifs right now, Trin). So - Bugs and her crew came to my rescue and I'm back on the ship. They're going to get me back into the matrix and I'm going to go talk to you. I haven't seen you since I discovered the truth, and I'm a little nervous, if I'm being honest. For over six months, there wasn't a time where I couldn't kiss you, or hold you, or God, even just touch you. Now I have to talk to you like you don't even know who I am. Which, frankly, you don't. And that's going to hurt. I just know it.

But maybe… I don't know, maybe… deep down… maybe you do still know who I am.

Because I certainly know you.

Yours,

Neo

Dear Trinity,

That did not go as planned. I found you in the garage, and you looked so at-ease. As expected, it hurt to see you and for you to not really know me. But I think I saw a glimmer of recognition in your eyes. There was a spark, but it was almost like you were holding back, lying there just under the surface. Before the Analyst ruined everything.

I wish I could talk to you about this. There's so much I want to unpack. Stuff I don't necessarily fully understand. But all I have is this tablet. I guess it'll have to do.

I have more answers now than I did, which is something I guess. He said that they revived you and put us both into the matrix to use our energy. He said that alone, neither of us had much value, but together we became a powerhouse. Literally. I mean come on, I could have told him that. We've always been better together, haven't we? Here is the thing I don't fully understand though: simulations of the matrix where we reconnected went haywire somehow and everything needed to be reset. Simulations where we were in close proximity but not together - I guess this was the magic formula. So there was a reason we lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same restaurants. We were meant to yearn for each other from afar, and never get to be together.

But why? Why torture us like that? How many simulations did they do where we found our way back to one another, and why don't I remember any of them? We were meant to be used for our source code for how long - forever?

I try not to care. I am trying to let it go. After all, I'm going to get you back. I keep telling myself this. But… in the matrix, in the garage, I called you Trinity. I was desperate for you to remember. But you told me not to call you that.

As I lie here, going over every single word you said, over and over again, hearing your voice in my head, I can't help but wonder. Are we always destined to find our way back to one another, like we did in those other matrix simulations? If so, does this mean you will always choose me? Even with a husband and kids, living a fairly carefree life… will you still choose me, when this is all said and done?

I wonder because… I will always choose you.

Yours,

Neo

P.S. - The Analyst said one other thing. I hesitate to write it, because I know it's going to break my heart and I don't have the energy to cry. But… he told me that you're the only home I have. Out of everything he said, that was the line I understood the most.

Dear Trinity,

Remember how I said earlier I was sick and tired of being surprised? Let's add another one to that list. Apparently the girl from the train station - do you remember me telling you about Sati? - well, she is all grown up now. And I know her, or rather, I recognize her, from my recent time in the matrix. She happens to know everything there is to know about the pods we were being kept in; the pod where you still currently reside.

We have a plan to rescue you. I admit, I never could have done this without all of them - Bugs and her crew. And a digitized version of Morpheus, oddly enough. Just wait. Meeting him should be interesting.

It's weird, you know. Being the only one left. I mean, yes, Niobe is still around, but she isn't the same person we left behind. And why would she be? Sixty years have passed. But I can hardly wait until you're here again. It'll be nice not to feel so alone.

Sati says it must be your choice. Which, I guess I've known all along, haven't I? But I guess that's what I'm scared of. I am scared you won't choose me. I promise to respect your choice though, whatever it may be. In the end, I just want you to be happy. In all honesty, it's all I've ever wanted for you. I was just lucky enough to BE the person to make you happy, all those years ago.

You have a lot of people putting everything on the line to extract you. You mean a lot to a lot of people. We both do, I guess. For me, it's weird. For you, though? Of course they think the world of you. You know I do.

Part of me doesn't want to stop writing. Because if I stop writing, the next thing I do will be to try and get you back. If it fails, I have already agreed to re-enter the matrix (or die, I suppose - though what's the difference?) If I keep writing, then I keep talking to you. I can keep imagining that you're in the bed, next to me, and not (what feels like) a million miles away.

But I can't keep it up forever. I have to face the music; face our fates. They've always been intertwined anyway, haven't they?

So I think this will be my last letter.

I'll see you tomorrow.

And Trinity?

I love you.

Yours,

Neo

Neo's heart was racing, beating as fast as Trinity's bike as they swerved and sped around San Francisco. She had called his name, and it had been music to his ears. She had come back to him, and they were almost free; they were almost out. But there were too many of them. Enemies were swarming around them from all sides and it seemed like they were never going to find an escape route. He could barely string a thought together, let alone a plan. He was shielding them from everything - from bullets to vehicles. He was instinctive, reactive - there was too much at stake to miss something.

They ducked into a nearby building, trying to lose their pursuers, but it was no use. Neo used his energy shield to stop their bullets in their tracks, protecting both him and Trinity. Quickly, they ducked into the elevator and finally had a moment's reprieve. Neo breathed hard and fell against the side wall.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Trinity asked him, looking him up and down for any signs of injury.

"No, I'm okay," he muttered against gritted teeth. "Are you okay?" he asked her, voice gentle.

"I don't know what I am. I'm not injured, if that's what you're asking. But the rest? Jesus, what is even happening?" she shrieked.

"We were put back into the matrix. I got out, about a week ago. We're working on getting you out now."

"Now? Like, now, now?" Trinity was stunned.

"Yes. As soon as you rejected your name and called out to me - it seemed you'd made the choice to leave the matrix for good." He was half-tempted to reach out to her and touch her, but she seemed overwhelmed. He didn't want to push her away.

"How? I mean, how are we even going to get out of here? We're boxing ourselves in, don't you think?" She paced as the elevator steadily rose.

"I don't know. We'll figure something out." Neo said, agitated at their situation. None of this was going to plan. He didn't know what to do now.

"I'm scared," Trinity admitted. She stopped her two-step pacing to look into Neo's eyes. He didn't know what to say. He'd gotten them this far, and she'd put all her trust in him. They were so close. They just needed to make it out.

The elevator dinged.

"Do you trust me?" he asked. She pursed her lips, eyes scanning his face.

"Yes," she whispered. And he took her hand in his.

They exited the elevator onto the top floor. He led her towards a staircase and they climbed quickly, trying to reach the roof. Once they opened the exit door and stepped onto the roof's surface, they were met with even more gunfire. Two helicopters lied in wait and Trinity was convinced they were both going to die here.

Neo lifted his hands and moved his energy through the air. One helicopter collided with the other, and they both went down in flames. Before she could call out a warning, the rippling shock wave of the explosion sent them both flying. Trinity's body surged backward, and all she remembered was heat before everything went black.

She was watching someone on the monitor. They were inside the matrix, sleeping. She could almost picture him in her mind. She bet he was cute. Morpheus wanted her to keep tabs on him. She didn't know why they even bothered anymore; the One wasn't real anyway. But she did as she was told. She always did as she was told.

She was at a nightclub. The time had finally come to start luring Neo out of the matrix. Turns out, he was just as cute as she thought he'd be. Awkward, but cute. She pushed the thoughts away as soon as they surfaced. The Oracle was not going to dictate her life… even if he was cute.

She watched him flatline. Panic rose in her gut. This couldn't be. She wasn't going to lose him, not now. So she told him how she felt. She kissed him. And then she saw his rise from the dead.

She and Neo were playing 20 questions. She felt like she was in high school again. For some reason, she couldn't explain, Neo felt like someone she'd known for forever. He was someone she wanted to tell everything to. She fell asleep in his lap, feeling the happiest she'd been in her whole life.

She was on fire. Everywhere Neo touched, burned. Making love to him was like being with a burning star. There was nothing quite like it. She never wanted to be with anyone else, ever again.

She was arguing with Neo over something stupid. Then, she was arguing with Neo over something important. Then something stupid again. She figured this must be what happened to lovers who worked together, lived together, and never got a moment alone. She didn't mind though. She wouldn't change a thing.

She was cleaning their apartment and Neo's stuff was everywhere. She was so annoyed she threw everything of his to one side of the room and left. When she returned, everything was back in its proper place. Neo never mentioned it again, so Trinity assumed he got the message.

She was grieving Tank and Neo held her. She wanted to melt into him and never get on board the Neb again. With Neo's help, she got better, and the Neb welcomed her back with no hard feelings.

She saw the Neb explode and her optimism with it. When Neo blacked out, she wondered if she'd ever felt more alone.

She held Morpheus close, hugging the man she'd grown to know as a father. They both knew she was going to die. With his eyes, he told her he was proud of her. She wondered who he would have left that loved him the way she did, after she was gone.

She told Neo goodbye, in the only way she could. The last thing she remembered was his lips on hers - soft, warm, and full of love and comfort. With apology on the forefront of her mind, she did the one thing she promised Neo she would never do: she let go.

Trinity rose from the ground. Her head was pounding, but for the first time, her vision was crystal clear.

She looked out at the horizon and could see everything. She could see the code, tiny and crystalline, all around them. She could see the sun casting a yellow glow over the world, and the sky's perfect, brilliant blue hue in contrast with the grime of the city below it.

It was incredible.

"It's so beautiful…" Trinity murmured. Neo limped to her side, and it's like she was seeing him in a new light. Which, perhaps, maybe she was.

"I remember this. I remember us." He closed the gap between them. But they both knew; they weren't out of the woods yet. "My dream ended here. We can't go back." And she meant it in every sense of the word. They couldn't go back downstairs, to the streets below. They'd be mauled. They couldn't go back to their pods, because their bodies were already on the new ship. And finally, they couldn't go back into the matrix– not now, not after everything they'd done to fight their way back to each other.

They held hands once more, speaking wordlessly, like they used to. They agreed. The only way out of this was to jump. After all, none of this was real, and at least they finally had each other.

Trinity felt her stomach lurch as they cast themselves off the building. For several agonizing seconds they fell, until suddenly they weren't. Or rather, she wasn't. She gripped Neo tight, feeling the tendons in her shoulder scream in protest.

"I'm not doing this. Are you doing this?" he shouted up at her. She thought about it for a second before she realized: she actually was doing this. But he was heavy and her arm was burning. She didn't know how long she could hold on, so she flew upwards as hard and as fast as she could. She spotted a nearby building and almost dropped Neo as they fell onto it.

The next thing she knew, as she was rotating her sore shoulder, was Neo grabbing her other hand and pulling her through some kind of portal on a piece of reflective metal. The sensation was something she'd almost forgotten. Her body went tingly and numb before all at once, she felt completely different.

And she was in tremendous pain.

Every nerve ending was telling her not to move. She felt like she'd gotten hit by a truck. The lights were too bright and it hurt to breathe, but as she acclimated to her surroundings, she realized these must be the people who'd rescued her.

She looked to her left and spotted Neo. He looked different. He looked slightly older, and his hair was short again. He looked like he had lost weight. But underneath all that, his eyes were the same warm, familiar brown she'd fallen in love with.

Her eyes welled with tears as she reached out a hand to touch him. He helped her stand, and he looked in complete awe of her. Clearly he was trying to hold back his own emotions as he cupped her face in his hand. It was warm against her cheek, and she leaned into it.

She was finally home.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I certainly enjoyed writing it. Everything past this point will be completely ~new~! Please review, they totally make my day.