Chapter 21: One Size Fits Ed
Lola and Lana were hanging out outside, with Lana taking pictures of Lola, as the latter did her pageant walk.
"Work it, baby! Work that pageant magic!" Lana cheered.
Lola did a few poses. "Did you get my good side? Oh, wait, all my sides are good."
"Well, I think we got enough pics." Lana said, looking through the photos on her phone.
"Ok good. I'm getting bored of this. I want something else to happen with my pageant career."
"Really? Like what?"
"I wish for my name to be up in lights! Fame, glamour, and bodyguards! I wanna be a star!"
"You're already a pageant star, Miss Ego."
Lincoln and Lisa were now outside and walked up to the twins.
"Is Lola practicing for another beauty pageant?" Lincoln asked.
"Yeah, but I'm getting tired of these pageants now." Lola complained. "I want to get bigger in life! I wish to be famous! (sighs) Oh well, at least I have my stuffed animals to make me feel that way." Lola walks back inside the house.
"Well, I guess you can't please everyone." Lana said as she went back inside too.
"The twins sure are intriguing." Lisa said to Lincoln.
"Yep." He agreed. "But let's continue with our money making business. How much money have we earned so far?"
Lisa looked at her notepad. "Five dollars and ninety cents."
"Hmm, not good enough. We did a good job with our street performing, especially with your dancing, but we should make our business more successful."
"So what do you propose we do?"
"I'm not sure yet. I'll think of something. After all, I am the man with the plan."
Suddenly Lynn came outside. She was wearing a tank top and her shirt was wrapped around her waist like a sumo mawashi. She made sumo sounds.
"Lynn?" Lisa said, a bit confused by Lynn's behavior.
"Boozah!" She used her belly to throw Lincoln to the ground. "Guess what I am, guys!"
"A pain in the butt?" Lisa mocked.
Lynn headbutts Lisa. "Sukiyaki! No, I'm a sumo wrestler! I watch them on tv."
Lynn made some more sumo sounds. Lincoln got back up.
"Lynn, this sumo stuff is gold!" He said excitedly.
"Potato!" Lynn did a jump.
"Save it for the paying customers."
"Customers?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna make you the sumo wrestling champ of the world! We'll be rich! What do you say?"
Lynn thought about it. "Nah." She walked off to perform more moves. Lincoln looked disappointed. Lynn hit a trash can with her head.
"Aw, come on Lynn." Lincoln offered. "Sumo wrestlers eat tons of food. You love eating."
"That's true, but I don't want to gain all that weight." Lynn walked away.
"Well Lincoln, seems fame and fortune has passed you by." Lisa said with a smirk. "Maybe Lola's wish would have been easier to fulfill."
"Lola?" Lincoln remembered. "Lola! She wanted to be famous! Let's go get her!"
Lincoln began to run off.
"I was just kidding, Lincoln!" Lisa yelled out. "I don't think Lola would want to be a sumo wrestler!"
"The brain can be fooled by what the eye heaves." Lincoln told her.
"That's perceives, Lincoln." Lisa corrected him.
"Lynn, we're gonna make Lola famous and we need your help." Lincoln said.
Lynn hit another trash can. "You're gonna turn Lola into a sumo wrestler?"
"That's right."
"This I gotta see."
Lola is in her room, making autographs of her for her stuffed animals. "And here's your autograph, Mr. Bear. Now go get some honey or something, I'm busy." She turned to a stuffed bunny. "Oh, another adoring fan. My public loves me."
Lana watched this from her bed, looking annoyed.
"How about you, little lady?" Lola offered her an autograph. "Go ahead. You know you want one."
Lana took one and tore it in half. "You're so full of yourself! You better watch what you wish for, Ms. Star." Lana walked out of the room.
"You better watch what you wish for." Lola repeated in a mocking tone. Then Lynn came in and took Lola with her.
"Hey, where are you taking me, Lynn? Let go!"
Lynn didn't listen to her and went into the backyard. She set Lola down and wrapped a towel around her waist. Lincoln, now in a coaching uniform, blew a whistle and gave Lola a fork and spoon.
"Go like this, Lola." Lynn said. "Hoy hoy hoy!"
"Pardon me?"
Lincoln blew the whistle. "Go get the food, Lynn."
Lynn ran off to get the food, saying "Hoy" all the way. Lincoln went off to get some things. Lola just looked confused about what was going on. Lisa walked up to her dressed in a robe and wearing a Chinese take out box on her head.
"Lisa, what's going on?" Lola asked.
"What the honorable white haired trainer is attempting to do is make Lola-San a star."
Lola got excited. "Me? A star?"
Lincoln came back with a chair and a small tv. "The road to stardom starts with catering, kid. You're gonna be huge!"
"I'm with you, Lincoln!" Lola sat down on the chair. "I want to be a V.I.P! Ready, willing, and able! Mold me."
"Bingo." Lincoln said.
Lynn comes back with a bag of meat. "Let's get some meat in your bones, Lola!"
"Isn't that Dad's meat?" Lisa asked.
"Relax, Geisha girl." Lynn assured. "He has plenty more from his restaurant."
"Nice going Lynn." Lincoln commented. He set some meat on the table for Lola.
"I can't eat this slop!" Lola said. "Come with me." Lola walked off.
"Prima Donna." Lincoln muttered. Lincoln followed her to the garage where there was a fridge.
"Did we get a new fridge?"
"Yes." Lola said. "This is my own private stock."
She opened the fridge to reveal canned peaches and cream.
"Peaches and cream? Sure, that'll work."
Now we get a montage of Lola eating and stuffing her face with peaches and cream. Lisa suggested she use chopsticks like the Japanese tradition, but Lincoln didn't allow it. Then they got a giant funnel from Lisa in which Lincoln used to pour peaches and cream into. Lola gulps it all down but still hasn't gained any weight, and the fridge is now empty. Suddenly, Lola swells immensely as the other kids move out of the way. Everything is knocked away and Lola crushes her chair.
"I told you I'd make her big!" Lincoln said, amazed.
"She's huge!" Lynn said, amazed as well.
"She's a ton of fun!"
Lola's necklace broke off due to her chubby face. Lola looked at her big body.
"And this is just the beginning, Lola!" Lincoln said. "You're our ticket to Cashville!"
Lola started crying. "What happened to my slim physique? I look like a...a sumo wrestler!"
"Sumo wrestlers are stars, Lola!" Lynn stated.
"Sumo wrestlers are stars?"
"Well, yes." Lisa informed Lola. "They're highly revered within their own culture. They have legions of fans who cater to their every whim."
"Really?"
"You bet!" Lincoln said as he made a dirt circle on the ground with his foot. "Step into the ring and-"
"Look at Lola waddle." Lynn said.
Lola was trying to move but she couldn't. "My tushie's too big!"
Lisa made a circle around Lola. "I thought it would be easier to bring the ring to Lola. After all, she is a star."
"Yokozuna Lynn!" Lincoln called.
Lynn goes into the ring. "Heavy-San!"
"Uh, what's Lynn doing?" Lola questioned.
"Yokozuna Lynn wishes to wrestle you," Lincoln explained. "-as you are now the world famous, uh, honorable, uh...ima big girl Lola-San!"
"Boy, that was very clever Lincoln." Lisa said sarcastically.
"Hey, I get around."
"You want a piece of me?" Lola challenged Lynn. Lynn got ready and charged at Lola. She dives into her belly and disappears.
"Lynn vanished." Lisa said.
"Did I win?" Lola said.
"Ok Lynn, quit fooling around." Lincoln said. "Lynn?...Uh Lola, do you think you could, uh-"
"Yeah, I'll get her out." Lola lifted up her belly fat and shot Lynn out. Lynn gasped for air.
"Oh man, I couldn't breathe in there!"
Lincoln jumped onto Lola. "You made it, kid! You're a star! And we're gonna be so rich!"
He gives her a smooch on the cheek.
"I'm a star?" Lola said.
"Sumo wrestlers are revered!" Lincoln stated.
"In Japan." Lisa added.
"You'll have legions of fans who'll cater to your every whim!"
"In Japan."
Lincoln looked at Lisa, puzzled. He got off Lola. "Ok Lisa, I'll bite. So your point is?"
"Sumo wrestlers are revered, celebrated, and affluent only in Japan, Lincoln!"
Lincoln got mad. "How are we supposed to go to JAPAN?!" He growled in frustration.
"Don't give up now, Lincoln!" Lola said encouragingly. "The show must go on!"
"Quit living in the clouds Lola. There's no way I'm sending you to Japan." The. Lincoln marches towards Lisa. "And you knew it all along! Did I make you laugh Lisa, huh?"
Lisa backed away. "Honestly, I thought it would be a good learning experience for you."
Lincoln grabbed her by the collar. "Come on Lis, you must have some kind of invention that could get us to Japan!"
"Yeah!" Lola agreed. "I trusted you guys! It'll take me weeks to trim these thighs! I want to be a star!"
"And I want some sushi." Lynn added.
"I suppose I do have an invention that could get us there." Lisa said. Lincoln put her down.
"Great! We're going to Japan, guys!" Lincoln said excitedly. "We'll be eating with chopsticks in no time!"
"I'm gonna be a star!" Lola said happily.
Lisa came back with the invention. It was a teleporting ray gun.
"Here we are." Lisa said, presenting her invention. "My teleportation ray. It'll teleport us to a few places, including Japan."
"How long have you had this?" Lincoln wondered.
"I've worked on it this week." Lisa said. "But I'm not sure if-"
"Alright, let's do this!" Lincoln interrupted.
Lisa turned the dial to the Japan setting, and a couple other settings were displayed too.
"I'm gonna be rich!" Lincoln said.
"I'm gonna be famous!" Lola said.
"I'm gonna try some sushi!" Lynn said.
Lisa aimed a beam of light at her three older siblings. Lincoln and Lynn were teleported first. They appeared in midair and then fell to the ground.
"Ow." Lincoln groaned. He looked around. "This doesn't look like Japan."
Then Lola appeared in midair and fell right on Lincoln and Lynn, crushing them with her massive weight. It's shown that they just teleported into the front yard of their home and Lisa came to the front and saw this.
"Oh dear. Perhaps my invention requires a little more work."
"Ya think?!" Lola snapped.
Lisa came downstairs and went to the living room. "Hello elder siblings, how are you feeling?"
Lincoln and Lynn were laying on the couch, injured and covered in body casts. They groaned in pain. Lisa poured tea into Lynn's makeshift IV.
"I hate tea." Lynn complained.
"Well, have you learned anything today Lincoln?" Lisa asked.
"I learned that not all of my plans work." Lincoln said, then sighed. "I've never been in so much pain before."
Then they heard a whistle. Lisa looked out the window and saw Lana coaching Lola.
"Move it tubby!" Lana ordered. "Is that the best you can do? I wanna see some sweat, missy!"
An overweight Lola appeared riding a bike and sweating profusely.
"I feel like I'm going to explode!" Lola whined.
"Move it!"
Lincoln saw this too. "I learned something else, Lisa."
"What?"
"We should open up a weight loss clinic!" Lincoln said. "We'd be rich!"
Lincoln tried to get out the window. "Hey Lola! Stupid cast. Lola!"
He fell out. Lisa shook her head and sighed, then left.
"Lisa? A little help?"