Chapter 22: Sorry, Wrong Loud

Mr. Grouse is digging a hole in his front yard. Lori, Leni, and Lisa notice this and watch. He takes something out of a small box. It's a gold iphone. This catches Lori's attention even more.

"Check it out! I think that's a gold iPhone!" Lori went over to her neighbor. "Mr. Grouse, how did an old dude like you get a sweet phone like this?"

"Stay back!" Mr. Grouse uses the shovel to pick up the phone and move it to the hole he dug up.

"You aren't throwing that away, are you?"

"Ask no questions!" Mr. Grouse starts to bury the phone in dirt.

"A ceremonial phone burial?" Lisa said, perplexed. "Gee, how quaint."

"The phone must have passed away. Poor phone." Leni said.

"I have to complete this task or we're all doomed!" Mr. Grouse continued adding more dirt to the hole. Lori had taken the phone out.

"I'll give you a breath mint for it." She offered.

"Fool!" Grouse smacked the phone out of her hand and buried it.

"Pardon me Mr. Grouse, but how can a phone be a messenger of doom?" Lisa questioned.

"No nothing!" Grouse replied.

"Don't bury it!" Lori said. "Give it to me!"

"Loud, this phone has cursed me for months! Just walk away!"

"You must have cracked, Mr. Grouse." Lori said, as she tried to get him away from the phone. "Say, why don't you take a nice walk downtown and I'll guard the big bad phone for you."

"Well, I could use a break. Thank you Loud." Mr. Grouse walked off.

"That was really nice of you Lori, to ease Mr. Grouse's intrinsic guilt." Lisa said.

Lori waved bye to her neighbor. "Sucker. Alright, time to start digging."

Lori grabs the shovel and starts digging for the phone.

"But Lori, you already have a phone." Lisa said.

"You're just jealous cause I'm claiming it." Lori said.

"But I thought it was dead." Leni said.

In Lori's room, Lori set the phone down on her dresser as she admired looking at it. "Cuts a figure in society, doesn't it?"

Lisa and Leni were there too. Then the phone rang.

"Someone's calling me!" Lori said excitedly. She answered the phone. "Hello?"

Suddenly, part of the ceiling cracked and fell onto Lori. "Ow!"

"Lori, are you ok?" Leni asked concerned and helped her sister up.

"What just happened?"

"Looks like your ceiling requires repairing." Lisa mentioned.

Then the phone rang again. Leni picked it up and noticed the caller was Bobby. "It's Bobby!"

"Bobby? Gimme that!" Lori took the phone back and laid on her bed, answering the call. "Hey Bobby Boo Boo Bear."

Suddenly, a spring popped out from inside the bed, causing Lori to fly up and hit the ceiling. She landed back down and got tangled in the spring. Leni looked shocked.

"Looks like you also require a new bed." Lisa said mockingly. "Shall we ask Mr. Grouse if he's buried one somewhere?"

Lori got out of the spring, looking puzzled. "Uh...yeah, sure."

Then the phone rang again. Lisa picked it up. "It's one of your friends, I believe."

Lori took the phone and answered. "Hello?"

Then an ice cream kart came through the window and landed on Lori. The phone rang again and Leni answered it.

"Lori's in pain right now. She'll have to call you back."

Lori ran to the front door and put the phone on the ground. Lisa and Leni followed.

"What an unfortunate set of circumstances." Lisa said.

"Something's up with that phone!" Lori said worried. Then the phone rang again. Leni was about to answer it.

"Another caller!"

Lori stopped her. "Wait Leni, let it ring! Just pretend we're not home!"

The phone continues to ring.

"But then again, maybe it's Bobby calling me again." Lori went to answer. She saw Bobby's number and looked around nervously before answering. "Hello?"

A skunk came out of a bush and sprayed Lori.

"Oh look Leni, a skunk!" Lisa said fascinated. "Did you know in some parts it's also known as a polecat?"

Lori walked over to her siblings, now shocked and having a bad odor.

"Ugh, Lori, you smell worse than Lana." Leni commented, fanning the smell away.

"This stupid phone's cursed!" Lori panicked and ran back inside. She went into her room and added deodorant on herself. Lisa and Leni walked up to her room.

"Oh come now Lori, these unfortunate mishaps are random at best." Lisa stated. "Any relationship to Mr. Grouse's phone of doom is pure coincidence."

"I say we test it." Lori said, coming out.

"Test it?" Lisa questioned.

"Like ranch?" Leni questioned.

At the construction site, Lori is wearing a helmet and is behind a blockade, working a makeshift air raid siren. "Evacuate the area! Man your stations!"

Leni, wearing a pillow on her head and a mattress around her body, is carrying the phone with hockey sticks. She sets the phone in the middle of the construction site.

"Easy Leni, easy...Stand clear Leni!"

"Honestly Lori, it's just a phone." Lisa said.

Lori is looking at the phone through binoculars. "What's taking it?"

"Maybe it's onto us, Lori." Lisa giggled. Lori glared at her. Then the phone rings.

"Aha!"

Leni stands next to the ringing phone but doesn't answer it.

"You're supposed to answer it, Leni!" Lori yelled.

Leni picked up the phone and answered it. "Hello?"

Nothing happens.

"There. That proves it Lori." Lisa said. "Any correlation between the phone and your accidents is-"

A light pole breaks down and falls on Lori. "Ow."

"I assure you, there is a rational reason for this mischance." Lisa explained. She picks something up from the base. "Aha! Here's your culprit! Just a rusty worn nut."

Lori comes out of the pole, dazed and injured. "Evil phone...bad...rotten."

The phone rings again.

"Don't answer it, Leni!" Lori ran over.

"Rusty worn nut, Lori!" Lisa confirmed.

Leni answered it. "Hi, it's me again."

Lori panicked as she saw another light pole. She thought she would suffer the same misfortune so she used Leni for protection. But this time, a wrecking ball squashed her.

The doorbell rang at Mr. Grouse's house. He answered it. "Can I help you, Loud?"

"Here! Take back you stupid phone! It's cursed!" Lori tossed the phone to Mr. Grouse, as she was now more bruised. Mr. Grouse panicked when he saw the gold phone that Lori had given to him.

"Oh no, Loud! It's your property!" He tossed the phone back to Lori.

"It's yours! You keep it!" She tossed the phone back to Mr. Grouse.

"Half wit Loud!" He tossed the phone to Leni.

"Hot potato!" Leni tossed the phone to Lisa.

"If I may interject-" Lisa was tossed over to Mr. Grouse by Lori. "People, please-" Mr. Grouse tossed Lisa to Leni. "-control yourselves!" Leni tossed her back to Mr. Grouse. "Wait! You've let a common household phone-" Mr. Grouse tossed her back to Lori. "-feed upon your lack of rational thinking! Lori!"

Lori threw Lisa off her and took the phone. "Mr. Grouse, take it back! I beg you!"

"Take what back? I have no idea what you're talking about!" He tried to distract Lori. "Hey, is that your boyfriend over there?"

"Bobby?" Lori turned around and Mr. Grouse quickly went into his house and shut the door.

"Why did I fall for that?" Lori groaned. She threw the phone to Leni, hitting her. The phone rang again and Leni handed it to Lisa.

"Oh. for Einstein's sake." Lisa answered the phone. "Greetings, this is Lisa Loud speaking."

Then a bunch of birds flew next to Lori. They had their rear ends facing her.

"Mommy." Lori whimpered.

(You can guess what happens next)

Lori tried to destroy the phone since she was still stuck with it. She slammed it on the ground, but it remained undamaged. She used a sledgehammer to smash it. That didn't work. She then used a jackhammer. That didn't help either. She attached a dynamite to the phone and tossed it away. The dynamite blew up and it caused a big hole in the ground. Lori looked inside and saw the phone was still unharmed! Lisa and Leni came outside when they heard the explosion.

"For once, that explosion was not caused by me." Lisa said.

"That does it! I literally got to get rid of this phone!" Lori declared.

Clyde was walking down the neighborhood. Lori ran up to him, with Leni and Lisa tagging along.

"Hey Clyde!"

"L-L-Lori?" He was about to have a nosebleed but Lori clogged his nose with a tissue.

"Here's a free phone just for you, Clyde!" Lori said. She used glue to stick it to Clyde's hair. "I'll just glue it to you so you don't lose it! Ok?"

"Okaaay?" Clyde said, confused.

"Bye!" Lori ran off. Clyde was speechless for a moment.

"Lori gave me a phone for free?" He looked lovestruck. "She must really like me!"

Lori walked off happily with Leni and Lisa. "Woohoo! No more bad luck! And no more cursed phones for this chick!"

Lisa got steamed. "PHONES AREN'T CURSED, LORI! THEY'RE PLASTIC!" She calmed herself. "Calm down Lisa. Think ocean waves, sea mammals, arias."

"Like, was that your dark side, Lisa?" Leni asked.

"Well, I don't know about you ladies, but I'm heading over to the mall for the rest of the evening." Lori said and walked off.

"Count me in." Leni said.

"Eh, me too." Lisa said. "I'm all up for a bit of normality after a day like today."

The three sisters arrived at the mall in Vanzilla.

"I hope there's not a long line at the Fro-yo shop." Leni said.

"I'm gonna get some good luck charms." Lori said.

"Good luck charms?" Lisa questioned. "Lori, are you still on this curse fixation? There's no such thing!"

"Says you."

Lori got out of the van. Suddenly, a car horn blared at Lori and she was sent flying, then crashed into another car. Lori got up, injured. "See? What do you call that?"

Then an oven fell onto Lori, crushing her. She came out, more injured. Then a herd of rhinos charged and trampled her. Lisa looked shocked.

"...Lori-"

"Don't say it!" Lori yelled. "Those weren't coincidences! They were curses! Curses!"

"I believe you Lori."

"Don't...wait, you believe me?"

"Yes, you were right!" Lisa realized. "That phone really is cursed! No matter who answers the phone, the curse always comes to you!"

"That's probably true!" Lori said, getting up. "There must be some way to destroy that phone!"

Lisa thought for a moment. "I think there is. But first, we have to find Clyde!"

The sisters ride back over to a neighborhood and find Clyde. He was about to answer the phone.

"DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE!" They yelled. Lori swiped it from Clyde's hair, ripping a chunk of his hair off. and the sisters leave. Clyde, confused, just shrugs and walks off. The three girls arrive back home. They go to Lisa's room and Lisa gets out one of her beakers. She pours a chemical liquid on the phone and it disintegrates. The phone is now completely destroyed.

"You did it, Lisa!" Lori said overjoyed. "I'm literally free from this curse!"

"Indeed." Lisa said. "Oh, and I'd like to apologize. I should have known better than to assume it was a coincidence."

"It's ok Lisa." Lori said. "I'm just glad it's all over now."

Lori and Leni leave the room.

"Hey Lori, wanna do some texting?" Leni asked.

"I'd like that, Leni." Lori replied. "My old phone is the only phone for me, and I wouldn't trade it for any other."