Once upon a time, before I even started on my now 150K word longfic of 'Lost Time', I had about 30K words of a half-baked Rivchet story sitting around before I decided to work on that instead.
I honestly forgot about it before I found it once again and decided to give it a little reread, and despite the fact that I can't quite salvage it to fit in my AU I've dedicated myself to, I found that there was some actually decent content in here. So, instead of letting it wither away and die in my hard drive, I thought it'd be a fun idea to clean up a certain chapter, graduating it from rough draft to final draft status, and also snipping any references to the larger plot of the original story as a whole, and publishing it as a standalone oneshot.
So, hopefully you'll enjoy it. And if people really like it, I guess I can go ahead and see if I can follow up with what immediately happened afterward if I find the time.
It had been some time since the Emperor's defeat in Rivet's dimension, and thankfully, the bulk of the work needed to be done afterward was largely complete. Most of his lingering forces were taken out thanks to Rivet and Kit, the beginnings of an actual, democratic and not totalitarian government were in the midst of being established, and thanks to Ratchet and Clank's help on the subject, they also managed to survive the initial onslaught of interviews, speeches, and all the other public relation events that were a natural consequence of being a hero, a concept that was entirely foreign to either of them.
But now, they actually had some free time to enjoy the peace and quiet, something Rivet never would've thought she'd get to experience. And lately, she and Kit elected to use much of that free time to hang out with their new interdimensional friends, spending time in each other's dimensions, sharing stories, playing games, going hoverbooting, and whatever else decided to suit their fancy.
And at this particular moment, that activity was decided to play Combo-Clasher V at Ratchet's place on Veldin, where he and Rivet found themselves in a close game.
"Take that!" Ratchet says as his fighter performs a series of moves to take away a significant portion of Rivet's health.
"Oh, come on!" She cries out. "This is unfair, the combos are completely different in my dimension!" She replies as she furiously hammers on the buttons on her controller. "If this was my copy, I'd be mopping the floor with you right now!"
"Well, since I'm already doing that with you, mind telling me what it tastes like while you're down there?" Ratchet retorts with a smug grin, making Rivet shoot an intense glare of pure despise for only a second before she returns to the game with a renewed vigor.
Kit and Clank were on either side of them, all-too-amused by their companions' trash talk, a frequent occurrence in their more competitive activities. But in the midst of the slew of insults being thrown to each other, they all heard a knock on the door.
"Clank, could you get that?" Ratchet asks distantly, not looking away from the screen, now suddenly finding himself in a serious match with Rivet.
"Of course." Clank tells him with a nod. "Try not to lose in the meantime, though.
And as Kit continues to cheer Rivet on among the increasingly fierce banter between the Lombaxes, Clank hops off from the couch and walks over to the door, opening it to reveal a mail carrier, looking back disinterestedly at him. He could also see a run-down ship hovering behind him, with "Solana Express" written across the rusty side.
"This the residence of…" He checks a clipboard he's holding. "A 'Ratchet and Clank'?"
"Yes, it is." Clank confirms.
"Got some letters for ya." He says, producing four opulent-looking envelopes from his bag.
Clank takes them, and sees that they are all sealed in green wax with an embellished Q stamped into them, each one with their names written on it in fine calligraphy.
"Why, thank you, sir." He tells him with a friendly nod.
"Yeah, yeah." He replies with a passive wave of his hand, turning around and walking back to his ship, looking at his clipboard. "Can't wait to get off this mudball." He grumbles.
Clank then closes the door and walks back over to the couch, where he sees Ratchet groan with his head in his hands as Rivet raises her arms in the air.
"Ha, suck it, loser!" She gloats to Ratchet, who sits up and crosses his arms with a scowl.
"'This is unfair' my ass." He grumbles before he looks up to see Clank returning to the couch. "What was it?"
"The mail carrier." Clank responds, handing out the letters to everyone.
"Really? Just who uses letters nowadays?" Rivet asks as she inspects her own.
Ratchet, however, utters a dismal moan as his face falls. "Oh no, I recognize that Q anywhere."
Kit, who has already opened hers, reads the letter. "Hmm… It seems that a President Copernicus Leslie Qwark is inviting us to a party tonight in Meridian City on Igliak, in the Polaris Galaxy."
"Hey, and we're guests of honor!" Rivet says excitedly, reading hers as well.
Ratchet groans, prompting Clank to rolls his optics while their companions look at him confusedly.
"What is it?" Kit asks.
"We are not going to a party hosted by Qwark." Ratchet says decisively.
"Why not?" Rivet asks.
"Rivet, this is Captain Qwark we're talking about. Anything involving him can't be good news."
"Oh, come on! You're just being dramatic, right, Clank?" She asks his voice of reason.
"I would have to agree with Rivet here, Ratchet." Clank affirms. "While we may have had unpleasant experiences with him in the past, Qwark has grown to be a much better individual than when we first met him. He was elected president of the galaxy, after all."
Ratchet scoffs. "Clank, the first time we met him, he tried to kill us. Almost anyone is better than him if that's what we're basing it on."
"Wait, he tried to kill you?" Kit asks.
"Twice." Ratchet says as he holds up two fingers for emphasis. "Just because he was jealous of us being better heroes than him!"
"But that was the old Qwark." Clank clarifies with a raised finger. "Ever since we retrieved him from Florana, he has since been a trusted ally of ours. He has never made an attempt on our lives ever since."
Rivet shrugs. "I mean, it sounds like he's easier to deal with than Pierre, at least. I bet you don't have to worry about Qwark having to flirt with you every time you see him, right?"
Ratchet sighs. "Nope, he just insists we're his sidekicks to make himself look popular."
Rivet gives a small laugh. "By the sound of it, Qwark is just annoying, then. But if he's the president of the galaxy, then the parties he's able to throw must be awesome, so why not go?"
"Rivet, there's going to be catch to his invitation." Ratchet warns. "He's not the kind of guy to invite us out of the kindness of his heart, he's probably going to send us off to some planet to deal with a problem he can't, or something."
"So? At least it'll give us something to do." She answers back with a shrug.
"I agree." Kit adds. "Plus, this will give us a chance to meet more of your friends in this dimension, as well. It'll be fun!"
"It would also likely cause more problems for us if we do not arrive for the party, Ratchet." Clank chimes in. "You know how tenacious he can be to get our attention."
Ratchet sees all three of them looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to concede, but he simply shakes his head as he crosses his arms. "Nuh-uh. I've got a bad feeling about this. We are not going, and that is final."
And with that, Clank rolls his optics as Kit hangs her head while Rivet groans.
However, as she does, she looks over, and with a smile, promptly picks up Ratchet's controller in front of them before tossing it over to him, landing in his lap to his surprise..
"One more round. Winner decides if we're going or not." Rivet says as she holds her own controller in one hand while offering the other out to him with a grin.
Ratchet looks to her hand, then back up to her face, wearing a look that he's learned all-to-well at this point that said 'if you turn me down, you're a wuss'. He knew she was proposing this because she managed to beat him last time, but now, he also knows the full potential of her ability. If they went again, he would be sure to not underestimate her this time.
This time, he would win, and end this discussion once and for all, and when they do, he'll be sure to ask for a rematch to then decide who's paying for the pizza tonight.
"You're on." He smiles as he shakes her hand. "Hope you don't get too disappointed when I win."
Rivet turns back to the screen as Ratchet takes his controller. "How optimistic of you."
The group of heroes were walking in the hallway of Qwark's large presidential compound, with various artworks of himself displayed prominently on either side of them, portraying himself posing in all sorts of cliché heroic stances. Rivet and Kit were leading the group, looking around with a mixture of awe and confusion at the paintings and statues around them.
Ratchet and Clank, however, hung back, with the former trudging along with a look of disdain at the upcoming party.
"I can't believe she actually beat me again." He mutters. "Now we have to suffer through Qwark's nonsense instead of…" He waves his hand around. "Going out for a pizza, or something!"
"Is it not what you agreed to when she proposed the challenge?" Clank asks.
"Hey, I thought the first time she beat me was a fluke, alright?"
"Hey, why don't you two catch up?" Rivet calls to them from ahead, stopping for a moment.
"Our apologies, Ratchet here is still pouting about the outcome of your match." Clank explains.
"I'm not pouting, Clank." Ratchet defends himself.
"Aw, what's the matter?" Rivet coos in taunting voice. "Is the widdle baby butthurt about getting his ass handed to him at Combo Clasher again?"
Both Kit and Clank can't help but giggle as Ratchet glares at her and her smug grin for a few moments before simply sighing.
"No, just dreading about what Qwark brought us here for. Let's get this over with, I guess."
With Ratchet and Clank caught up to them, they all resume walking together as a group. At the end of the (much too long) hall is a large set of dark, wooden doors, and as they get closer, they can hear a loud murmur of voices from behind it as the party is in full swing.
"It sounds like all of the guests are having a good time." Kit says.
"Yeah, so why don't you cheer up, already, huh?" Rivet says as she nudges Ratchet with her elbow.
"Just don't say I didn't warn you." He mutters.
As they stop at the doors, Ratchet moves forward to open them. But as he rests his hand onto the handle, they are suddenly thrown open, and he is knocked aside forcefully as a green-clad individual wearing a tuxedo appears.
"Welcome!" He bellows out. "I'm glad you all made it, Ratchet and friends! But, uh… where is he, actually?" He asks, looking around.
"Hello, Qwark." Ratchet breathes out on the floor beside them, sitting up as he rubs his back from the landing.
"Ah, there you are!" Qwark says as he walks over and picks him up off of the ground like a child before setting him back down on his feet. "And how is my second favorite Q-Force cadet doing today?"
"Got a door slammed in my face, so it could be better." Ratchet replies annoyedly, still rubbing his back before he looks back at him with confusion. "Wait, second favorite?"
"Behind Skrunch, obviously. You're not my Vice-President, after all." Qwark explains. "But now that you're all here, this party is sure to liven up a bit! Come, come, we have all the refreshments your little hearts and gears can desire!"
He ushers them into the room, where they find several dozen guests all talking to each other, most of which Ratchet recognizes as other galactic leaders or political figures. Some glance over at them as Qwark welcomes them, but they quickly return to their own conversations as they enter the room.
Overall, it seemed pretty boring, Ratchet thought, being the typical posh party where the only action is talking to other people and commenting on the drinks and food. There wasn't even any music in the background.
"Go ahead and have fun, my steadfast sidekicks, I will talk to you all later when more of my esteemed guests have arrived!" Qwark says as he closes the doors. "Most notably, the reporters I hired!"
"Erm, we aren't your sidekicks." Kit pipes up. "Neither me nor Rivet have ever worked with you."
Qwark waves his hand. "Nonsense, you aided me and my devilishly handsome counterpart with that Emperor fellow a while back! Although, it is true that you aren't official inductees of the exclusive Q-Force as of yet." He mutters loudly as he rests his hand on his chin before giving them a toothy grin. "But how about we change that, and I add you to my righteous assembly of crimefighters?"
"Uh…" Rivet glances past him and over to Ratchet, who is shaking his head, making a slicing motion at his neck, and mouthing the word 'NO' to her.
She returns her gaze onto Qwark. "I'm thankful for the offer, but—"
"Great!" Qwark says as he pats her on the back, making her stumble a bit from the sheer force. "Me and Captain Quantum have been talking about expanding the Q-Force beyond this galaxy, and you're the perfect upstart to help me branch into the other dimension! Oh, you'll make for a fine cadet, Miss… uh…"
She raises an eyebrow. "Rivet?"
"Rivet! I was just about to say that!" Qwark immediately follows up. Before he can open his mouth again, they suddenly hear another knock on the doors behind them. "Ah, now, if you'll excuse me, cadets, I have more guests to welcome. Go ahead and mingle with the others, who doesn't want to talk with an interdimensional hero?"
He then walks past them as Rivet and Kit stand there, confused, unsure of what just transpired.
"What did we just get invited into?" Kit asks Ratchet and Clank, walking back up to them.
"Congratulations, you've been inducted onto Qwark's personal team of 'heroes', where me and Clank do all the dirty work while he hangs back and gives 'moral support'." Ratchet says dryly in air quotes as he walks past them to the refreshments table. "You'll probably get some shirts in a week or two."
Rivet and Kit look at each other in worry before following him. "Well… are they good shirts, at least?" She asks.
"Nope." Ratchet replies as he inspects an exotic seafood hors d'oeuvre. "100% polyester. I just use them as grease rags." He pops it into his mouth, and his eyes widen as he chews it. "Wow, that is some good food, actually."
"Ratchet! Clank! Good to see you again!" They hear a voice call from the crowd.
They all turn towards the voice, and a familiar figure emerges towards them, making Ratchet's face light up.
"Al!" He greets, walking up to him. "Man, it's been a minute! How've you been?"
"I am faring well, if I do say so myself!" He says happily. "The RoboShack is running very smoothly, and Big Al's Robowars was picked up for another season!"
"Wait, seriously? Erm, I-I mean, that's great!" He hastily corrects himself. "But… didn't people get really tired from watching it over and over again since it was literally one of the only shows on while Tachyon was still around?"
"Quite the contrary, actually." Al states. "While some more plebian viewers renounced the show because of that, many more were inspired to make battlebots of their own. I have contestants lined up for months because of it!"
"That's great to hear, Al." Clank congratulates them.
And as the trio begin to catch up, Rivet and Kit silently stand away as they made their small talk, mutually glad that Ratchet seems to finally be enjoying himself now. Although, Rivet wasn't as concerned with that as she was more interested in Al's appearance. Most notably, his prosthetics.
He had a mechanical arm like hers, on the same side, even, although it looked more technological than hers, with a small screen built into the forearm, and no doubt hiding various tools for robotics, by the stuff he's talking about. Half of his head was also robotic, including his eye and ear, and what appeared to be a scope of some kind hanging off as well.
It always did make Rivet feel a little assured whenever she saw other people with prosthetics, knowing she isn't as alone in that respect. And by the looks of it, with how energetic he was talking to Ratchet and Clank, he didn't seem to be brought down at all by it. In fact, with all of the little modifications she could see all over them, it appeared that he actually embraced his newly-robotic body, a confidence that Rivet very greatly respected in him.
But not only that, she also noticed the way that Ratchet appeared to talk to him. He was completely casual about it, not staring at any of his robotic parts at all, patting his metal shoulder as they shared a quick laugh, an overall, just treating him like he was… normal.
Ever since she got her own prosthetic, Rivet didn't deny that she got the odd stare or even questions about her robotic arm, and in the beginning, it greatly uneased and even upset her. Having lived with it for a while now, however, along with everyone else closest to her having gotten used to it as well, those kinds of reactions were few and far between now, and she's learned how to more amicably deal with them.
But when she met Ratchet, she was honestly surprised she didn't get that reaction from him. He eventually did ask about what happened, of course, which she was willing to tell him, and he also has asked some questions about how she made it, what it's made of, and other things like that, but she knew that was just him being the naturally inventive and curious Lombax he was.
For all intents and purposes, he treated her like she was perfectly ordinary, as if having an arm made out of metal and wires instead of flesh and bone made her no different than him. She thought that was just him playing up an act to be nice at first, wanting to make a good impression on one of the only other Lombaxes he's ever met, but as she's gotten to better know him, she started to realize that was simply him being… him. He genuinely didn't care or think any less of her about her arm, and seeing him treat this Al guy the exact same way made her feel… happy.
Happy that she was lucky to meet someone as great as him.
"Wait, didn't Clank say Al is the individual where he gets his repairs and maintenance from?" Kit suddenly asks her in the midst of her staring at Ratchet, wearing a warm smile.
Rivet snaps out of her thoughts, shaking her head before looking back down at her. "Oh, erm… I think so? Do you want to go meet him? I'm sure he'd love to see you, with how much of a nerd he is with robotics, by the sound of it."
Kit nods happily. "Of course! We are here to meet some of Ratchet's friends, after all, right?"
Rivet returns the smile. "That too."
They both then walk up to him as Al is finishing explaining the specifics of his latest battlebot for the show, Ratchet appearing to have simply tuned out before Clank takes notice and gestures towards them.
"Oh, yes, where are my manners? Al, this is Rivet and Kit, our friends from the other dimension that I've told you about." Clank introduces them.
"Hey." Rivet gives him with a smile and a small wave.
"Hello." Kit greets similarly.
"Ah, I see now where Clank got his new arm from." Al says as he looks at Rivet's arm. "Say, did you build that yourself?" He asks interestedly, pointing to it.
She looks at it, flexing the hand, and gives him a proud smile. "Yep! Took a dozen failed prototypes and a couple weeks, but now it's almost like I never lost it at all. What about you?"
"Ah, I'm afraid not. This was the only way doctors could save me after an accident I had, but I took the liberty of adding my own modifications to it." He says, making his mechanical hand flip into a diverse array of precise tools meant for microelectronic work, making Rivet internally pat herself on the back for the spot-on prediction. "What does yours do?" He asks as he puts the tools away for his regular hand.
"Oh, uh, nothing, really." Rivet shrugs. "I like working with actual tools in my hands better. Plus, it's a lot less parts to maintain or break down while I'm out and about, and in my line of work, that's just what I need."
"How about a blaster, then? I could go ahead and install a precision ionic cannon into the palm right there if you want, on the house even!" He proposes happily. "It's the least I can do for having you help Ratchet and Clank here save the multiverse!"
"Um, no, I'm good, thanks." She says, shaking her hand as she puts her arm down. "I prefer holding guns with actual hands, too. Feels better."
He shrugs. "Suit yourself. But just know that offer's always available in case you change your mind!"
"Will do, thanks." Rivet tells him with a smile and a thumbs-up.
He nods and looks back down to greet Kit as well, but then suddenly leans forward a bit, resting a hand on his chin as he inspects her, to her small confusion.
"Oh, how interesting! A non-defective Blargian WR807 series warbot, and are those ID20 sisterboards you're equipped with?" He inquires.
Kit widens her eyes as Clank chuckles. "Erm, yes. How did you know that just by looking at me?"
"You don't run a robotics equipment and repair emporium for a decade without knowing your way around a circuit board." Al explains with a wheezing laugh.
"Al here has been my trusted friend when it comes to my upgrades and repairs." Clank adds. "Second only to Ratchet, of course."
"No, I think Al takes the cake on that one, pal." Ratchet says. "He was the one who installed most of your upgrades, after all."
"I see. Well, if that's the case…" Kit says as she lifts her leg, "My upper left leg joint has been starting to feel a little stiff lately, and I'm not quite sure how to fix it myself."
"Wait, it is?" Rivet asks worriedly. "How long has it been like that, Kit?
"Erm… about a week." She meekly replies.
"Why didn't you say so? I could've taken a look at it and fixed it for you!" Rivet says in a concerned but slightly accusatory tone.
"I didn't want to worry you." Kit explains. "I thought it would've gone away sooner."
"Well of course I'd worry!" Rivet says loudly.
She suddenly realizes how loudly she raised her voice as Kit shrinks back a little, along with a few nearby guests glancing over to see what the commotion is about.
She sighs, internally scolding herself as she kneels down to Kit. "I'm sorry, it's just that… we're partners, Kit." She tells her in a quieter tone. "But more importantly, we're friends. It's natural for us to be worried for each other, and I hate to hear that you've had to deal with something wrong with you for an entire week. You don't have to hide those things from me, Kit, I'd be more than happy to help fix you." Rivet says, prompting Kit to look back up at her with a smile. "And besides, if it's just a stiff leg, then I'm sure that all it needs is a little oil and loosening a couple bolts."
"That's not how to fix it." Al suddenly butts in, prompting their attention. "It's a standard flaw with warbots like you. It started right after you shifted out of your warbot form, correct?"
"Erm, Yes, actually." Kit says, surprised by the accurate deduction.
"It's because your software is still thinking your leg is in warbot mode, making it move less to compensate for the larger legs that come with it. The result is that it takes more effort to engage the servos, giving the illusion of a stiff leg." He explains before looking aside with a mutter. "Why did the Blargians have to cheap out when it came to the transitioning protocols on the CPU?"
"Well, how do we fix it?" Rivet asks with some concern.
"Oh, it's very simple. Just switch into your warbot form then right back to reboot the protocol, and everything should be fine. And here, I'll go ahead and add a little something for you, too." He says as he walks up to Kit, switching his mechanical arm into its tool mode. "Could you turn your head? This'll only take me a quick second."
"O-Oh, um, alright?" She says a little nervously, but obliging his request anyway.
He uses one of his tools to insert a small plug into a port in the back of her head, and after a few taps on the screen on his forearm, simply removes it as he stands up, reverting back to his normal hand once again before brushing them together with a proud smile. "Done!"
"What did you just do?" Rivet asks with some confusion.
"I added in my own personal code to her CPU to resolve that little error in her transitioning protocols. Once you change back out of your warbot mode, you shouldn't have this problem ever again. And just so you know, you're always welcome for a free repair or maintenance job at Al's RoboShack, any friend of Clank's is a friend of mine!"
"Wow, thank you very much!" Kit says happily. "For both the repair and the offer. I think we'll be sure to take you up on it as well, you seem to do a great job with Clank here."
Clank chuckles. "Why, thank you, Kit."
"And I'll look forward to seeing you. It's not often I have a robot your model come into my shop, it's always quite the treat!"
But then, his robotic eye suddenly flashes, making him pause for a moment. "Ah, if you'll excuse me, I'm getting a call from the RoboShack, I have to take this."
"No problem. It was nice seeing you again, Al." Ratchet says with a smile.
"Nice to meet you, too." Rivet adds.
"Same with you, as well. And remember, Clank, your appointment is next Tuesday at 3:16!" He tells him as he walks away.
"Of course!" Clank waves as he disappears into the crowd to find a more private spot to answer his call.
And as they watch him walk away, Rivet suddenly nudges Ratchet with her elbow. "Bet you're glad we didn't skip this party, huh?" She asks with a smirk. "Seemed like you two were having a great time!"
Ratchet scoffs as he rolls his eyes. "We were going to see him next week, anyway. And besides, Qwark hasn't made his announcement yet, which means that the trouble hasn't come yet."
Rivet slumps with a frown as she turns to Clank, thumbing towards him. "Is he always this pessimistic about Qwark?"
"He has yet to go a month without swearing to kill him at least once." Clank answers pointedly.
"Wait, if Captain Qwark is President, doesn't that mean it is a felony to say that about him?" Kit asks.
"Almost everything Ratchet does is a felony." Clank says, exasperated. "But Ratchet has yet to act on that statement, so I believe it's more of a probable cause than an actual crime."
"Maybe that's why Ratchet's so uneasy about coming to this party. This is all just a ruse so that the cops can finally catch him and arrest him for everything." Rivet states with a small giggle.
"I'm right here, you know." Ratchet speaks up with some annoyance, to which they hardly acknowledge him.
But suddenly, a clinking noise is heard near the front of the room, cutting through the ambiance of idle conversation, and everyone quiets down as they turn towards Qwark, holding a glass spoon.
"Greetings, my fellow peers and lovely constituents!" Qwark begins, setting them down on a table beside him. "I hope you have been enjoying the party thus far, as enjoy you should, for this is the best catering tax dollars can buy!"
"Wait, what?" A voice calls from the crowd.
"As you know, election year is coming up, and I wanted to take this opportunity to quell any of your doubts, for I, Galactic President Copernicus Leslie Qwark, am running for my second term!" He announces proudly, striking a pose as confetti suddenly blasts out from cannons behind him, startling everyone.
However, getting over the initial surprise, about half the room claps hesitantly while the other roll their eyes or groans.
Qwark, unprepared for this reaction, clears his throat and brushes off confetti off of his shoulder as he continues his speech. "B-But, I know what you may be asking; what are my goals for the next chapter in this golden era of Qwark? Well, I'm glad you asked, because my plans are going to make the ambition and achievements of this current term seem like child's play when you see what I have in store for the galaxy this time!"
"But you haven't really done anything this term." Another voice calls out.
"Which makes my point still stand!" Qwark replies to him. "I will inject funds into the Polaris Defense Force to make our galaxy even safer, streamline repairs and rebuilding of any planet affected by the terrible Dimensional Cataclysm, and aid our newfound brothers and sisters in the new dimension in establishing their own great democracy after living under that tyrannical Emperor for all these years!"
Most of the room begins to clap at the announcement, most of them looking surprised as well, Ratchet included.
"Wow, those… actually sound pretty good." He mutters in disbelief.
Clank crosses his arms in satisfaction. "See? I told you he's improved."
"Speaking of which," Qwark continues, "I would like to take this moment and give the heroes responsible for his deposition a warm round of applause. Come on up here, my trusty cadets!" He says as he gestures over to them from the back of the room.
The crowd begins to clap as Qwark beckons them to join him up front, with the crowd moving out of the way for them as they walk towards him. Rivet and Kit welcome the praise as they give small waves to the bystanders as they pass, along with Ratchet and Clank behind them as well.
Ratchet honestly felt quite shocked that Qwark is giving up this moment of heroism to them, and actually giving them credit for all the hard work they've endured in taking down Nefarious. Did something happen to him to suddenly make him an actual good guy?
And as they reach Qwark, he motions for them to stand beside him as he clears his throat to regain the crowd's attention, of which they now saw contained about a dozen reporters sitting up front, holding cameras as they scribble down notes in small notepads.
"It is through all of their hard work and dedication that they managed to overthrow both of the heinous Nefariouses, with yours truly aiding in their climactic final battle." He says as he flashes a toothy grin, making Ratchet and Clank roll their eyes. "But our great Lombax heroes have more work ahead of them, and an even greater cause; to save the rest of their species! Am I mistaken?" He asks them.
"Erm, no, we're in the middle of doing that, actually." Rivet confirms, still not used to being put on the spot.
Qwark flashes another grin. "And I hope you will succeed in your mission, my furry little sidekicks! In fact, I am making it my ultimate goal in my administration to help bring back your advanced race!" He announces proudly to a round of applause from the crowd and a few flashes of the cameras.
Ratchet tilts his head. "And how are you going to do that?"
"I'm glad you asked, cadet! Now, the specifics are top secret presidential stuff that I'm afraid is too juicy for the press to hear, but I do in fact have one such element that I am proud to present to you;" He then produces two pink pamphlets from his suit pocket, and hands them each to Ratchet and Rivet.
But they read it, Rivet's eyes go wide as she freezes up while Ratchet plants his face in his hands, partly as an effort to hide his face from the cameras.
"No need to thank me, I'm just doing my part to help you two bring back the Lombaxes." He says as he heroically poses.
"Erm… what is it, Rivet?" Kit asks concernedly as Rivet remains frozen in shock, staring at the piece of paper in her hand.
"Why, an all-expense paid stay at the luxurious Luminopolis Lover's Leave Resort here on Igliak, of course!"
The lights suddenly darken, and a screen lowers from the ceiling behind them with a whirr. And as it sets into position, it turns ons displaying the logo of the resort, a silhouette of two Fongoids kissing within a pink heart outline, with 'Lover's Leave' printed across the bottom in very cursive letters.
"I am going to kill him." Ratchet comments plainly as he blankly stares at the graphic.
"Starting next week, you two lucky lovebirds will be able to enjoy the many activities provided by your kind and caring hosts, including couple's mudbaths!"
As he speaks, the display begins to show pictures of a couple partaking in said activities, sitting in a heart-shaped pool of mud as they hold hands while wearing cucumber slices over their eyes. Rivet utters a low, dismal moan in distress.
"Not only that, but there are couple's massages, couple's hot tubs, couple's saunas, couple's bowling, and even couple's counseling for those seeking their last chance!" Qwark presents in his all-too familiar spokesman voice before nudging Ratchet with his elbow. "Although I doubt you'll be needing that, eh, Casanova?"
Ratchet glares at him. "How much were you paid to do this, Qwark?" He says in an oddly calm tone.
"Nothing at all! With my gracious advertisement for their lovely establishment, along with my plea of your woeful population plight, they were willing to book your stay on the house! Erm, with a not insignificant deposit, of course." He then leans in, and whispers in a tone that would be a normal speaking voice to any other being. "They even got you access to the presidential suite, and believe me, with the features in that bed, this galaxy will be teeming with Lombaxes in no time!"
The crowd then giggles while others say 'Ooh!', and the cameras flash once more, unpleasantly beating into Ratchet's brain that they had an audience, and this was being recorded. It almost didn't matter at this point whether or not it was live, as he felt the same way in either case; He wanted to just simply die.
Never in his life has he ever felt this strange combination of embarrassment, fury, shame, resentment, and vindication as he does now. He knew it was a bad idea to come here. And to believe that just a few minutes ago he was thinking that Qwark was actually a stand-up guy! If only Rivet hadn't beaten him in that stupid game earlier, they wouldn't be in this mess!
But as he rests on that thought, his eyes widen in grim realization. Rivet was here with him. Experiencing this atrocity as he does now. But most notably—and worriedly—he hasn't heard her say anything yet. He slowly turns around, almost afraid of what he'll see.
He is met with the look of her standing in utter shock at the screen, still moving through images of couples enjoying various activities around the resort. Her eyes were wide, her ears were drooped, her mouth hung slightly open, and her hands still hanging on to the pink pamphlet, but with tight grip she held, it was very crumpled. It looked as if she was shellshocked after some atrocious, decade long war, and in the middle of a post-traumatic episode, which this situation could most certainly qualify as.
And beside her, Kit simply stood with her hand covering her mouth, unable to say anything, and Clank was shaking his head slowly as he held his head in his hands.
Ratchet slowly turns back to Qwark with fury in his eyes. It was one thing to make a fool out of him, he was all too used to it by this point. But bringing Rivet into this and making her suffer, too?
He didn't just want to die. He wanted to take Qwark with him.
"Qwark—" He says through gritted teeth.
Qwark holds up his hand, seemingly oblivious to Ratchet's expression. "As I have said, no need to thank me, Ratchet. For this is only the first step in my promise to save the Lombaxes as your president!"
The audience cheers as Qwark leans down once again, this time actually whispering in a normal tone so only he could hear. "Trust me, the voters love it when you advocate for endangered species. Imagine the ratings I'll get for helping the universe's greatest heroes save their most endangered race!"
That did it for Ratchet. He clenches the pamphlet in his fist as he raises his other hand to slap him, but at the last minute, he stops himself. He can't just go around assaulting the Galactic President in front of the press, after all—not even if he deserved it. He lowers his hand back down to his side as he instead seethes with a deep breath.
"Qwark, what do you think we mean when me and Rivet say we're saving the Lombaxes?" Ratchet asks him angrily.
Qwark gives him a puzzled look. "Erm, is that rhetorical? I mean, come on. You're the last of your species, you're a guy, she's a girl." He motions to either of them, rolling his arms. "If I have to spell this out, then I think you guys really need that couple's counseling, after all."
Before Ratchet could begin unleash a furious mountain of obscenities at him, Clank instead speaks up.
"Erm, President Qwark, I'm afraid to tell you that Ratchet and Rivet are in fact not in a romantic relationship." Clank explains coolly, trying to defuse the situation after he saw Ratchet almost hit him.
The crowd begins to murmur as Qwark bats his eyes towards them nervously. "W-What do you mean? Ratchet, I thought you were done with that Talia Apogee girl!" He chuckles nervously.
Ratchet pinches his nose. "First off; that doesn't mean Rivet and I are together. And second; her name is Talwyn. Shouldn't you know that, seeing as how you're suddenly all about the Polaris Defense Force, of which she commands?" Ratchet argues angrily.
Another wave of murmurs echoes through the room as Qwark feels himself start to sweat. "W-Well, you know someone as important as me meets with dozens of prominent figures every day! You can't expect me to remember every single one of their names all the time, a strong, heroic leader can only do so much!" He defends himself. "And I thought that you two would appreciate the gesture!"
"What the hell were you expecting by doing this in front an audience, Qwark?!" Ratchet exclaims as he thrusts his hands out towards the attentive crowd, the reporters feverishly scribbling down their conversation. "Because if you thought it was going to be a 'thank you'," Ratchet laughs dryly, "You are dead wrong."
Qwark, desperately trying to salvage the situation, along with his reputation, looks past Ratchet and towards the statue that was Rivet. "I mean, you appreciate this, right, Miss Riviera? I'm taking it that your silence means you're absolutely overwhelmed with joy, of which would be ideal."
For the first time, Rivet manages to tear her eyes away from the screen, and locks eyes with Qwark. And as they stare at each other, her features shift from shock to an unbridled rage that made Ratchet's glare pale in comparison. She crushes the pamphlet in her hand as she starts to walk up to Qwark, who begins to look scared.
"Uh oh." He utters.
"You don't even know my name, and you gave us this, saying it's for 'the good of the Lombaxes'?!" She shoves the crumpled pamphlet into his face, getting tunnel vision as she becomes oblivious to the captively engaged audience next to them. "What the hell am I to you? Just some breeding stock?!" She yells as she throws the pamphlet down onto the ground, making even Ratchet start to back away a bit. "I didn't spend over a decade of my life fighting a tyrant, help leading a Resistance, watching friends that I loved get killed, lose my arm, and save the entire goddamn multiverse just to be dumbed down to 'Ratchet's girlfriend who's going to have all the babies', you hear me?!" She yells down onto the now trembling mess that was Captain Qwark, hiding behind his hands.
"B-But, how are you going to save the Lombaxes, then?" Qwark asks fearfully.
"By going to their dimension, you idiot!" Ratchet chimes in from beside Rivet. "Do you seriously not remember Clank saying that at the Hero's Parade that you hosted?"
Qwark gulps. "That… may have slipped my mind a little."
The two Lombaxes strain to keep themselves from punching him, Ratchet being more successful as Rivet looks to the display next to them, still presenting the resort's ad, and swiftly punches through it with her metal arm with a loud crash, sending little bits of plastic and metal everywhere, making it sputter only a few more sparks before it finally dies.
"We're leaving." She states coldly as she turns and stomps past them and towards the door, with any party-goer in her way making sure to give her a wide berth, Kit and Clank included.
Ratchet shakes his head at the disaster that was the last five minutes. He looks over to Qwark, still cowering on floor, then to the shocked audience, still fixing their eyes on Rivet as she brushes fragments off of her arm as she walks off. Noticing their gaze, she flashes them all an icy, murderous look, prompting them to (fearfully) return their attention to Ratchet.
He sighs. "Vote for… whoever else is running." He bids them farewell as he and their robotic friends follow Rivet.
"W-Wait!" Qwark calls out, making them all stop and glare at him.
"You… you don't really mean that, right?" He chuckles nervously. "I can help you find the other Lombaxes if that means you'll advocate for me again!"
Rivet starts towards him, but Ratchet holds his arm out to stop her, shaking his head. Instead, he uses his other arm to point to him. "You say another word, and I tell everyone what you did with Skrunch's sister back on Florana." He states coldly.
With that, Qwark suddenly shuts up as the reporters begin asking him what exactly that means before Ratchet turns back around as they all walk out of the room, slamming the doors shut behind them.
As they are walking down the long hallway, Kit and Clank can't help but sense the palpable tension in the air as Ratchet and Rivet silently stew over the night's events. Kit opens her mouth to say something to break the ice, but stops as she realizes she doesn't really know what to say. And by the way Rivet reacted, if she wasn't careful, something else would quickly end up like that monitor she destroyed.
But, luckily for her, it was Clank who broke the silence.
"This evening was… unpleasant." He says quietly.
"Oh, was it now?!" Rivet cries out, still fuming. She suddenly turns around and points at Ratchet, making him freeze. "And don't you say it." She says coldly through gritted teeth.
"Say what?" He asks, a little frightened.
"'I told you so.'" She huffs. "You were right, we never should have come to this stupid party." She says as they resume walking.
"I'm not going to say it, Rivet." Ratchet assures her. "Because honestly, that was even worse than what I thought it was going to be. I mean, he's tried to kill me twice already, but this takes the cake for the worst thing he's done."
"Isn't that a bit overreacting, Ratchet?" Clank carefully asks.
Ratchet snaps to him. "How would you feel if Qwark urged you to 'repopulate' in front of the entire galaxy, Clank?"
"Erm, I noticed that the cameras were not broadcasting live feeds, if it makes you feel better." Kit meekly speaks up, trying to ease everyone.
"Well, at least something good came in our favor, then." Rivet grumbles as they exit the hall and into the cool night of Meridian City. "Now only a few dozen people saw us get embarrassed, and not the entire galaxy." She says sourly.
"Well… that is a whole lot better, actually." Ratchet says, a little more cooled off. "And with the way you and I threatened Qwark, I doubt he'll let those reporters air that footage, anyways."
She sighs. "I hope you're right. Because if you aren't, I'm staying out of this dimension for good."
Ratchet chuckles as they walk up to Aphelion, parked among the dozens of other ships. "You're just kidding, right?"
Rivet says nothing as Aphelion greets them before she opens the cockpit, with Rivet climbing into the pilot seat with a stony face.
Ratchet frowns a little. "Right?"
She looks to him blankly. "Get in."
Kit follows her in, and Ratchet looks down to Clank. "She's kidding." Ratchet quietly says to him with a nervous smile.
Clank simply sighs as he hops in the back along with Kit, leaving Ratchet standing out by himself. He also sighs before he enters Aphelion, taking the passenger seat next to Rivet, and Aphelion's thrusters begin to hum to life as the cockpit closes over them.
As they begin to fly off, Ratchet sees one of the invitations laying on the dashboard, and he scowls at that embellished Q that brought them here in the first place.
He swore that one of these days, he was going to kill Qwark.
I originally wrote this as an inspiration from ImKarl's fic 'First There Were Two and Then There Were Many', in which Qwark embarrasses Ratchet and Rivet at a party as well. But I wanted to write it differently, in that Qwark's faux pas was a little more embarrassing, and Rivet wouldn't respond to it quite as amicably, either.
Plus, I really wanted to see a scene where Rivet meets up with a post-Deadlocked Al equipped with all sorts of prosthetics so they could bond a bit over it while Rivet gets to see firsthand how well Ratchet treats people just like her. It's not like we're going to get that interaction in canon if they stuck with rebooted non-Deadlocked Al (the cowards), so I had to take matters into my own hands.
So, hopefully you enjoyed this little romp, until next time!