Cpov

I ignored the shouts and jeers as I cleaned out my cell, ignored the man too who had been my cellmate since Jason left, one who on a daily basis had tried to intimidate me.

He was a weedy balding man, one who had obviously been threatened to try and make my final weeks in here hell. What he will realise the second he gets a new cellmate is that compared to what comes next, sharing with me was a dream.

We'd been in lockdown for the past two weeks after some in here decided a riot would be a fun way to pass the time. Two of Philips's cronies had been shipped out of here after setting fire to the library, a third had not been so lucky, being burnt badly while having not as much fun as he'd like. All the while Philips had stood back with a smile on his face, denying, despite being seen with them every day, that he had anything to do with the three and the instigator to it all was me.

Those three had been following me around, seeming to watch my every move, even following me to the bathroom. Guard Lowe had noticed and a few others too, telling them to back off. Apparently, the story was that I started the riot, how when I was not even here and the drugs that were found in my cell during a search that took place before my return, were all mine.

When it had all kicked off, I was down the road at Palmer's farm where I had been working hard all week and this was my final day. Guard Lowe's statement that I had spoken to no one other than the farmer and I had been passed nothing, being searched every day not just by a guard but by the dogs too on my return, dismissed the lies that I had brought something back previously. Also, camera footage showed that other than telling them to get out of the way, I had not spoken one word to Philips's friends. Philips though had been filmed going into my cell, no doubt to leave his gift of drugs behind.

In anger, when the guards had learned the truth, it was Philips's turn to kick off, trying to grab me in the dining hall before I knocked him away, his weapon, a fork of all things, aimed for my neck. He may be back on the wing now because with the lack of space in this place there was nowhere else to put him, I'm told. Much to my amusement though, other than an hour a day when he's taken handcuffed to the exercise yard alone, he's not been let out of his cell. Not until after my release Lowe had told him, which I think pissed him off all the more.

"Cop fucker, will lover boy be waiting for you out there" Philips shouted, his face steaming up the glass in his door. His words were repeated by some of the lesser lights, hoping to gain favour with him but I ignored them all. Don't waste your time I wanted to tell them, he would only stab them in the back. Instead, I decided not to waste my time and just give them all a wave, starting with him.

"Enjoy lunch" I called out, not just to him but to everyone assembled for lunch. "I'm off for a burger, maybe even a steak, enjoy the water and slop you're having here."

Those were the last words I spoke to them, knowing that they would be subjected today to the worst tasting mac and cheese in history. I would find somewhere that made the best or maybe I could find somewhere to stay where I could make it myself.

"Name" Booth asked standing in the hall on the other side of the gate from me where I had been escorted to by a new guard, one who had watched me clear out my cell. This man, Booth had taken pleasure in shouting Grey for years. For him to ask me my name now, was just a last-ditch effort to show how much as a guard he was over me. That was about to change though.

"Kristian Pusztai, unfortunately otherwise known as Christian Grey."

"Smartass" he grumbled, looking down at the papers in his hand. While we were here, the captive audience behind me in the dining hall started to join in Philips's continued shouts, expressing their anger that I was being released. "QUIET, OTHERWISE YOU WILL ALL BE BACK IN LOCKDOWN AND I DON'T JUST MEAN FOR THE AFTERNOON" he bellowed as I looked back, smiling at them.

Realising that keeping me here would cause him more trouble than its worth, the gate was opened and I was then moved into what must be the release area where I was asked the same question again. With this guard though, he got the answer of Grey and once I was dressed in clothes that had been gifted to me, the clothes that I had come in with no longer fit and with a little cash in my hand I was soon moved from this building, moving closer to the gate.

"Good riddance" I heard behind me as Guard Lowe emerged from behind the gate that led to one of the exercise yards.

"I'll miss you too" I smiled before being pushed in the back by Booth.

"Booth, back off," Lowe told him.

He must have thought I was being disrespectful to the female guard, realising that wasn't the case, a sneer came onto his face.

"Showing favouritism to some of the cons" he replied, shaking his head.

"No just keeping those who deserve a second chance, alive… Keep yourself safe Grey, I don't want to see you here again."

"Ma'am" I replied before continuing to walk towards the gate.

It took me thirty minutes to get through the gates, the guards that were usually stationed there giving back up to a fight in the closest exercise yard. When I did step through those gates, for a moment I breathed a sigh of relief. That was quickly overshadowed by the fact that no one was here to meet me, not that I expected someone to be and I would have to find my own way home.

I looked back to the gates that closed behind me, before looking forward to the empty road ahead. I was in the middle of what felt like nowhere but what could I do, go back and ask for directions, go to Palmer's farm and ask if I could borrow a tractor... Instead, I started walking down the road, taking a seat at the bus shelter in the hope of a bus coming that was going my way.

I was in luck, I was able to board a bus to Vancouver and then one that would drop me in Olympia. From there I was on foot unless I could hitch a ride as the money I had been given had only just got me this far with a little for food and it was quickly running out.

I could do without food for a while as long as I could continue to take in the fresh air and be able to take my time outside without being told that my time was up.

The first thing I did before leaving Olympia was to buy a map and then catch a bus. I asked the driver how far the few dollars that I had left would get me, the map was to help me navigate the route if the bus took me too far out of the way. He obviously thought I was having him on until he realised that I was serious. Although a little lie did leave my lips, telling him that my wallet had been stolen and I was trying to get home. So I got as far as Elma before with the unused map still in my coat pocket, I hitched the rest of the way.

The driver of the car that I was now in was surprised that it was Montesano I wanted to go to as that was where he was heading. Apparently, he was the English teacher at my old high school having started just the year before.

"Steele, sorry I don't know that name, it's not someone I teach anyway" he smiled.

I'd asked, trying to see if he knew of those I had left behind. He did confirm to me though that Dora's was still there.

"No, the last Steele in town was my age… we're ….. good friends."

Friend, that word seems so ridiculous when back then, I think of how much Ana meant to me. That word, so inadequate to describe the love I still have for her. If friend, though is all that Ana can offer me then I will accept it, reluctantly, for now.

"Where do you want me to drop you," my driver asked.

I didn't answer him for a moment as we passed the garage where my first job had been, knowing that soon we would be approaching Dora's where I had spent many fun moments with my girl.

"You can just drop me here," I told him, nodding to the sheriff's office. "It's not far from here... Thank you for the lift."

"That's ok, I hope those police you spoke to back in Elma can help you find your stolen things."

"Me too" I replied, continuing the lie I had told the bus driver.

Getting out of the car, I watched him drive away before I spun around when I heard the familiar bell over the door of the diner.

A young couple emerged that looked at each other as if they were the only thing in the world. They had what was taken from me, what I wanted to get back.

"Hello stranger" I heard behind me before I turned to see an old classmate, Luke Sawyer standing at the top of the steps to the sheriff's office.

"Luke," I said, taking in the police uniform that he now wore.

"On my days off, but in here it's Sheriff Sawyer."

"Sheriff" I smiled. "I should've known, with all the crime stories you liked to read."

"Yeah" he smiled. "Real life is nothing like the fiction I used to love though. Still, it's the only job for me… How have you been Christian?"

"You know," I asked, shaking my head as he nodded. He had to have known where I had been for over six years as I had been told when I got into town to report here. "Well since that night, I've been in hell. Do you know why I was there?"

"The report stated that you were driving under the influence and there was a fatality. Narcotics were also found on you and in the car... That doesn't sound like the Christian I knew but who am I to disagree with the judgement."

"I'd had a couple of drinks that night but I've never taken drugs in my life. Having Carrick as my self-appointed lawyer though, things went from bad to worse."

"Shit really" he sighed. "No wonder things turned sour."

"Yes, he was only too happy to help send me down but not being in the best place mentally to defend myself, I let it happen… Can I ask you something?" I asked and I could see from his face as he nodded that he knew what the question would be. "Is she still here… Is she ok?"

"Now, maybe but for a long time, Ana was in hell too. None of us knew what had happened to you Christian, you just disappeared off the face of the earth. Only last week when my wife got the papers from the prison to say that this is where you were coming to, did I know where you'd been."

"Does Ana know?" I asked.

"No one knows Christian and unless you have become a danger to the public in the past what is it, nearly seven years then no one will hear anything from me. From you, well that's your choice."

"I have to tell her," I told him as we walked into the building, stopping in a small reception area where an elderly woman sat behind the desk.

"Christian, Ana's not the same person she once was. She's …."

"Moved on, I know" I replied sadly. My heart, like always when I think of never being close to Ana again, shattering once more.

He was about to say something more before a woman appeared from an office at the back, joining us.

"Christian, this is Katherine Sawyer, my wife. She's also your probation officer" he introduced.

"Hello" I smiled, holding out my hand to her which she thankfully took.

"Hello, Mr Grey, as Chief Sawyer stated, I'm your probation officer."

There was no familiarity in her words like with Luke, but why should there be when I had never met this woman before this moment, so when I spoke to her, it was the names of Mrs Sawyer and Mr Grey that were used.

"Go easy on him Kate" I heard Luke say after I had been asked to take a seat in her office before she joined me too after closing the door.

Whatever information had been passed onto her from the prison and also from my so-called lawyer, after evaluating the shell of a man that sat before her now she said she agreed with Luke.

"I'm sorry, what," I asked, not sure I had heard her correctly.

"I always make my own mind up about people Mr Grey. I can read whatever information is sent to me from others but any decisions made here in Montesano about how best to reintegrate you back into society will be mine."

"Ma'am."

I sat quietly, listening to her as she explained the terms of my release. Like meetings I had to attend to check in, and should I miss any without good reason, my freedom would be revoked and I would be back in that hell hole again. I had no plans to go back there ever again, but now that I was finally here, I had no idea besides seeing Ana, what I was going to do next.

The house was still in my name but I didn't want to go back there again, not yet. Maybe I could borrow some money against it, or sell it and move on. Just the thought of leaving so soon after I had gotten back though felt like I had been hit in the chest.

"Thank you," I said to Mrs Sawyer when she had deemed today's meeting done and at least with the paper in my hand, the bit of cash she had given me too when I had told her I wasn't ready to go home, I could find somewhere in town to stay until I could face my past.

There were two guest houses in town, both as expensive as the next making a visit home sooner than I wanted, so instead I opted for the only other place I could see, renting a room at the motel that had been built next to what was called Ros's bar. I had no want or need to step into a bar, I just wanted a soft bed to lay in and to dream, dream through uninterrupted sleep.

Looking at the motel as I walked towards the entrance, if I remember correctly this has been rundown and practically derelict when I had left. It looked ok I guess, the woman I think she told me her name was Gwen was nice when she checked me in and I was surprised with how it looked once inside.

No seedy motel here. It had a comfy bed, a clean bathroom and even a TV on the wall that hadn't had its remote taken or screwed down. Watching TV is something I never did in prison, I never sat with the other cons, never mingled to watch the latest mind-numbing program. Watching TV was something I did, curled up on the couch at mine or Ana's home but I watched it now, putting a channel on that was having reruns of Star Trek and while the sound filled the room, I cried.

I cried for the time that we'd lost, we not just I. Who knew how our lives would've turned out had that night never happened, had all our dreams together not been taken from us. I blame myself, I will always do that despite what Mrs Sawyer had said as I had left the meeting, that it was time to look forward, not back.

I lay curled up in a ball on the bed long into the night, trying to get some sleep. Realising that sleep wasn't coming for me, I got up and decided to take a walk.

It was the dead of night and I was the only one around, save those who were hanging around the bar. I didn't know when it closed but I didn't go in, instead heading through town, spending a few minutes standing outside to see what had changed at Dora's. Nothing and for that nothing, it was the first time being back here I smiled.

"Thank you Dora" I whispered, thanking the woman for not changing a thing. It was dated when Dora had bought it Ana had told me but as she loved the sixties diner look that is what she kept.

Leaving Dora's behind, I continued walking the well-trodden path out of the town centre and to the street where my home still stood. Standing at the end of the drive, my feet rooted to the spot, I expected to feel something, anything for this place but I felt nothing.

The only thing I'd felt in that house was anger, the only salvation for that anger lived a few streets over and that is where my feet took me now.

This street and the houses in it, unlike the house I had just left, felt alive. Windows were lit with the pale glow of a lamp which filtered through the curtains, even a nightlight in the shape of a crescent moon could be seen on the windowsill of a child's room up above. Who lived in these houses now I didn't know, my only focus was on house number, Twenty Three.

The bathroom light was on, a dull light also coming from a room I knew that used to be spare. Who slept in that room now, I didn't know, maybe that was the childs.

A child, when I had seen the photo of Ana holding a small child in her arms, for a moment I'd wished that they were not hers. That would mean that for once Carrick had told the truth, that my Ana was with someone new and there would be no hope for me.

Hope, is the only thing I had been clinging onto for so many years and I prayed that my hopes were not dashed.

….

Christian left Ana's hoping that tomorrow would be a better day and that he would pluck up the courage to go and see her.

Had he turned around again as he was walking away, Christian would've seen the man emerge from the shadows, a familiar man, one who had been watching him there as well as watching the house.

Anger had filled that man's body, that Grey would dare to return, that he would try and take what was now his.

So after watching the younger man disappear around the corner, he started to put into place plans that had been decided upon when hearing about his impending release.

"Go to hell Grey, she's mine" he spat before disappearing back into the shadows again.

I know, I know, you hate cliffhangers just as much as I do. I would say it's the last but that comes next chapter and it's the worst one, which is why I've decided to miss putting a chapter up midweek so I can put chapters five and six up together next weekend, save you reaching for those pitchforks.

Until then, take care.

Caroline.