Apov
"It's my birthday" Theodore sang as he walked into the kitchen for breakfast, all dressed by himself again this morning, his checks all done earlier when he had climbed into my bed.
"Hold your horses son, you're a day early" I laughed.
"It's my birthday somewhere right, on the gobe."
"The globe" I smiled, thinking of what he had been telling me they had been playing with yesterday at school. "Yes, I suppose it is if we lived in Australia."
"Aslalia."
"Nearly" I chucked, getting my iPad off the dresser.
Opening the app that contained a map, I showed Theodore where we lived, compared to where Australia was. That brought on a whole load of questions about why their time was different to ours, and for the horses, I had told him to hold, if he could have one for his birthday. For a small child, he had a lot of questions and as I found out as I drove my son to school, I didn't have all the answers.
"What are you going to do today," I asked Theodore as I stopped outside of the gates that his kindergarten class went through.
"Don't know" he replied, shrugging his shoulders as he looked out of the window. Many of his friends were already here with their parents, waiting for the doors to open.
"Hey, buddy, what's up," I asked, turning in my seat to look at him.
"Where my daddy?" he asked so matter of factly, I was glad we were stopped.
"What."
"Look" he nodded to those outside. "Brandon has a daddy, Kylie has a daddy, where mine?"
My heart broke for my little boy. I wanted to give him all the answers he sought but I couldn't, because I didn't know where his daddy was.
"You're daddy, he had to go away, so instead of having a daddy around you got grandpa instead."
"But grandpa not here. I miss him, grandma too" he said sadly.
"I know you do sweetheart and they miss you so much too but the cold here was making grandma sick. They had to move to somewhere warmer, somewhere we can visit as often as we like. We can play in the sea, build sandcastles on the beach and…"
"Fish" he replied excitedly, my happy boy back for now.
"Yes, fish... Next Friday you break up from school and on the Saturday we're going to fly down and spend the week with them."
"Yay," he cheered as I got out of the car, before opening his door.
Immediately, he took hold of my hand, safe with me like he's always been. I know I will hate the day when Theodore didn't grip hold of my hand tightly, it will break my heart too when he gets too big for my kisses before he runs off with his friends into class. I make the most of each kiss and hug that he gives me, knowing I was lucky and that Christian missed out.
Should he turn up today and want to be a part of Theodore's life, I wouldn't deny my son if that is what he wanted but I would demand answers from Christian first.
Where he's been but more importantly why he left. Left me with no choice but to carry on without him.
….
"It's your birthday, don't you know that it's your birthday" Ros sang as I entered the bar.
"You're as bad as Theodore" I laughed.
"Why, what's my boy up to today."
I told them about our birthday conversation this morning, about it being his birthday somewhere in the world and both Ros and Gwen agreed that he was a smart boy.
"Did it come?" I asked Gwen.
"Yes, last night it turned up, just after I checked a guest into Chez Gwen."
"A visitor in this town, they either must be lost or desperate" I laughed, before heading down to the cellar so I could bring some beers up to restock the bar.
While down there I moved some of the stock around that had arrived early this morning, putting it in its rightful place to give me easy access to it should we run out during the afternoon. I had landed on my feet in a way with Ros and Gwen, they knew I had a child and were able to accommodate me with my shifts.
Heading back up to the bar, a crate of Bud in my hands, I could hear Gwen talking with what sounded like a man, a customer?
It was too early for the bar to open so maybe this was a friend popping in to say hello. What I wasn't expecting was to drop the crate of bottles onto the floor, the liquid from some covering my feet when I came face to face with sad grey eyes.
"No" I whispered, shaking my head. "No NO."
"Ana," he said quietly, looking as shocked as I was to see me here as I was him.
Why was he here, why now and especially after my conversation this morning with Theodore. For so long I had wanted to see Christian again, waited for him to come back before realising long ago that I must not have been as important to him as he'd been to me. I didn't want to see him now, I could feel myself getting upset and I didn't want him to see me this way so I turned around, heading in the other direction towards the fire escape at the back of the bar.
"Ana, Ana girl stop" Ros called out having run after me as I pushed the doors open, taking in much-needed air to stop me from hyperventilating. "You, whoever you are, stay there" she called out as Christian must have tried to follow me.
"No, not now."
"Ana, look at me, what is it."
"Him" I sobbed. "He's here, why now."
Ros pulled me into her arms as I cried before I nearly fought her so I could get away.
"Tell me, what did he do and I will kick his ass as it obviously wasn't something good."
"He's…. He left…. He's Theodore's father" I whispered, feeling all the fight leave me now as I sat down on an empty barrel. "He just left me, Ros, the night of our graduation. I loved that man, the boy I knew more than anything and all I was worth to him, was a breakup call... He called, telling me that he was sorry and then he was gone. It's been nearly seven years since I've seen him, why is he back…."
"I don't know Ana. Wherever he's been, I don't think it was good. Gwen told me she could hear crying from his room when she helped an old couple to their room last night. Demand answers girl, no one should make you feel like you need to run, no one is worth that other than your boy."
I sat for what felt like an age before I answered Ros, a thousand thoughts and memories going around my mind in the time that I sat on that barrel.
"I know" I sighed, finally speaking. "If I beat him, will you mop up the blood?" I asked, earning a laugh from her as she escorted me back to the bar.
When inside though, Christian was nowhere to be seen.
"Where'd he go," Ros asked her wife.
"He just apologised and left. I watched him walk towards Pioneer Avenue so he hasn't gone back to his room."
Christian didn't go back to his room that day, despite Ana knocking on many times. The longer she waited, the angrier she got, wanting answers but those answers would have to wait because like always she had a little boy to look after, one whose smile she was greeted with at the end of the day cheered her up as no one else could.
….
CPOV
She ran from me.
"What the fuck did you expect Grey" I seethed, cursing myself for deciding to take Gwen up on her offer of having breakfast at the bar.
Now, I felt like I'd spent the day walking around in circles, wondering what the hell to do.
Ana didn't want to see me, that was obvious to me now but would forcing her to hear the truth as to why I left, be for her, or me.
"She's gone home," the woman who introduced herself as Ros told me when I entered the bar late that afternoon, well I think early evening is what it could be classed as now. "She went to speak to you at your hotel room more than once but she said you weren't there."
"What," I asked a little bit of hope building in my heart. "I went for a walk."
"Long walk" she stated, placing a beer in front of me which is where I left it. I hadn't had a drink in over six years and I didn't want to have one now.
"I had a lot of thinking to do."
"You too" she replied, and I knew she was speaking about Ana. "Ana told me… that you left her, that you haven't contacted her in years."
"I had no choice" I admitted. "My future with Ana, my life here was, it was all taken away from me and I was powerless to stop it."
"You should be telling this to her, the truth not lies because I suspect in the end those are what ripped you apart."
"Are you a shrink?" I asked.
"I'm a bar owner" she laughed. "We hear everybody's stories here."
"Thank you for the drink," I said, stepping back from the bar to walk away.
"But you didn't even touch it."
"I know, that was what caused the trouble in the first place."
She nodded as I walked out of the bar, my destination, not the room where I could relax and hopefully get some much-needed sleep but to Ana's in the hope that she would talk to me.
Standing outside of her home though, hidden in the shadows all hope of Ana being mine again was flushed from my mind.
Inside, what I knew to be the living room, Ana stood hugging a man. I couldn't see his face, just the back of him but as I watched him brush a strand of hair from her face, before bringing his hand to her cheek, that hope was once again reborn when Ana shook her head and took a step back from him.
I watched as his hands dropped to his sides. I could see a look of shock, one that quickly turned to anger come onto her face at something that he must have said.
Was this a lovers tiff I was observing, just the thought made me sick to my stomach, that and the fact Ana must have accepted his apology because a smile was back on her face. I had seen that smile before, one that said she accepted just to keep the peace, not the genuine smiles she used to give me, so happy that I was there.
Watching him leave, hands in his pockets and head down before driving off down the street in his car, I thought about going over to knock on the door but seeing Ana's face just as the door closed, a look of sadness, exhaustion, I decided to leave it for tonight and come back in the morning in the hope I could see her then.
...
Only what I presumed to be Ana's car was here when I arrived at her home just before noon the next day. I had been driving myself crazy all morning, going over and over what I was going to say to her. I half expected Ana to come banging on my door to demand answers but no, she was here.
Walking up her driveway, my stomach in knots, I made my way to the front door doing something I had never done before, I knocked. And then I knocked again getting no answer.
I was about to walk away and come back later when I heard a bang, followed by a muffled voice to the rear of the property and despite knowing I had no right to go there, I made my way around to the back of the house to see what was going on.
My steps faltered as I watched Ana, my Ana. There was never anyone more beautiful than her. At the moment she was placing a bow and ribbons around a small bike that she had just righted, a gift for a child. Smiling at the bike, she looked down to her wrist, her smile growing wider at what only she could see there.
Before I could call her name though, she left the bike on the porch and quickly went inside. Did she know I was here, she hadn't turned my way so I don't think so. Watching her through the window for a few minutes once I was closer, I saw Ana turn the cooker timer off, the reason she rushed inside before she removed a cake from the oven.
Entering through the laundry room, I stopped at the kitchen door just watching, waiting for Ana to turn around. When she did, a squeal left her lips before her eyes filled with tears.
"Not today, please not today" she whispered. "Please go Christian."
"I owe you an explanation."
"What, you owe me a hell of a lot more than that" she spat. "Why now, Christian. You were happy to stay away all these years…"
"Happy, the last time I was happy was the morning of our graduation. Since then," I shook my head. "Not being able to come back here, to you, before now, I feel like I've been in hell."
"I don't know what you're talking abo…"
"I've been in prison Ana" I stated. "That night I was arrested, my freedom, our future together, stolen from us."
"What" she whispered, turning to face me. "I don't understand."
"Can we sit?" I asked, nodding to the table, as Ana looked as if her legs were going to go from under her.
She nodded, quickly taking a seat, her hands shaking so much I wanted to reach over and grab them but she decided to sit on them.
"Talk" she ordered, her voice hoarse.
"I owe you an apology. I should've told you the truth back then."
"What did you lie about, about us," she asked.
"No Ana, I never lied when I told you I loved you... What I didn't tell you everything about was my life before I came here… You see, we didn't move here for her job, Grace's. She was happy where she was but with Elliot spending more time in a police cell than out, something that embarrassed both her and Carrick and with me being the stupid kid that looked up to him and followed along blindly causing me to get in trouble too they told us they needed to do something before things got worse or more like the truth got out. Rumours were already spreading about what kind of parents they were so they moved us across the country to a place no one knew them or knew what they were like."
"What happened that night," she asked. "Elliot never…"
"Never what."
"Nothing… it doesn't matter. You tell me, what happened after you got that call."
"I drove to the bar Elliot told me about, I'd had that drink with your dad but my head was clear. I found Elliot, he was in a right state. He could barely stand, the bar he had been in had thrown him out after verbally abusing the staff and he was on his way to another. When I stood in front of him he was so drunk, for a moment he looked right through me before shouting that I needed to go away as I wasn't his brother… That hurt, after all we'd been through together for him to say that, it really hurt."
"Drunk or not, he had no right to say that" Ana stated and she was right but Elliot had so much going on back then and as usual was hitting out, this I explained to her.
"Elliot, while he was in college had been contacted by his birth family. It was his choice to reply to them and I think he regretted that he had. It pissed the Greys off but it pissed Elliot off more that they weren't the perfect family ready to take him in… I had managed to get Elliot out of the next bar before it got to the point where we were thrown out by agreeing to have a drink or two with him on the terrace outside. I knew I was underage and over the limit and would be in serious trouble if we were stopped but at the time I felt I needed to protect him as he had always done me."
"You're stupid, do you know that."
"Of course I do Ana, I knew I was making a mistake the second I drove away from here and I've regretted it ever since," I told her, wanting to reach for the hand that was nervously placed on the table now.
"What you've told me so far, doesn't explain why you were in prison."
"As I started to drive us back home in his car this time as he'd refused to get into mine, we were halfway here when he pulled from the glove compartment a bag of white powder. I was so shocked, Elliot had never even smoked a cigarette before never mind done drugs but here he was, looking at it and the bag of pills that accompanied it as if they were the world's greatest treasures… We started to argue when he refused to throw them out of the window before he grabbed the wheel when I refused to stop. The car spun off the road as I screamed at him to let go, the drugs he had in his hand, they went everywhere especially the powder from the bag he had opened only moments before, covering us both. When the car stopped it was upside down in a ditch at the side of the road. It was so quiet then, no more shouting from my brother, he didn't even moan…. His eyes were open, glazed, their only focus, straight ahead. No matter how much I called his name, how much I shook him and squeezed his hand as I tried to get him to wake, he didn't… The police arrived after someone had come to help as with my door all dented I couldn't get out either. Besides a cut to my head, I had survived the crash, Elliot didn't."
"What, what the fuck are you talking about Christian, don't lie to me" she spat, getting to her feet.
"Ana, I'm telling you the truth. Elliot died that night and I've spent every day since then besides the past few locked up in one cell or another, charged not just with killing my brother but with possession of drugs and being underage and over the limit too."
"STOP LYING" Ana screamed as she shot for the front door.
I was up after her, wrapping my arms around her before she could get outside.
"I'm not lying baby, I may have not told you everything that happened before I came to live in Montesano but I have never lied to you."
"You have to be Christian" she sobbed, "Because if Elliot is dead then who the hell is looking after our son."
Thank you for reading. The next chapter will be up later today when I finish editing it.
That's if my dog Hugo stops laying across my keyboard as he wants me to go out and play. I think a long walk with his sister Daisy might be needed first to wear them both out.
Until later then, take care.
Caroline.