Monday, 8th of Spring

This morning, there were beautiful tulips blooming, and Alma leaned over and smelled their light fragrance. She almost didn't want to pull them up, but she was scared the crows might get to them if she didn't. She took a look at her paltry scarecrow and couldn't help but wonder how effective he really was. So she got her bag and started clipping the tulip stems. As she was gathering them, she also looked and saw her potatoes were poking out of the ground, ready to pull. She smiled at the good harvest today brought. She was doing it, she thought. She was really, actually doing it. She watered the other plants and laid down fertilizer on the available soil. She planned to go to Pierre's, sell these things, and buy more seeds. The grind would continue, and she would work to earn that coop and kitchen.

As she looked out over the farm, the only thing left to clear out (that she could do now, anyway) was wood. There were quite a few felled branches, and she wanted to gather those up before chopping down any more trees; she only wanted to damage what she had to and do so as a last resort. She wanted to have some for shade and resources through the seasons, and she had plenty of wood stored in her chests for now. But she did want to thin out some of the thicker patches, so she got her ax and got to work. She kept an eye on the time because she didn't want to get too absorbed and work through Pierre's hours. And by three o'clock, she was about halfway through clearing out all the wooded undergrowth and feeling pretty tired. She knew her limits now; too much more, and she knew she'd be beat. She was pleased with the work she had done and decided to stop. She cleaned herself up a bit and made her way to town to sell her flowers and potatoes to Pierre.

On her way, she saw Dr. Harvey, as usual, in the small wooded park at the entrance to town. "Good afternoon, Doctor," she called.

He jumped a bit, as if she woke him up from a daydream. "Oh, hello, Ms. Alma!" He made his way to her, propping himself up on the old wooden fence. "Having a good Monday?"

"Yes sir," she said, showing him the tulips, "I had a good harvest today!"

"So I see! Beautiful. Pierre should–-should give you a pretty penny for those."

"That's what I'm hoping," she said as she tried to put them back in her bag, "but only so I can turn around and buy more seeds."

"A farmer's work is never done, huh?"

"Nor a doctor's. Are you taking a little break right now?"

"Yes, it's good for me to get out every now and then and have a breath of fresh air. It helps to, uh, to clear my mind."

"I can imagine it can get pretty stressful in the clinic every day."

He sighed and said, "I feel responsible for the health of this whole community … So, yes, it's kind of stressful. But," he added with a smile, "it's a pretty small community, and I'm fortunate to be able to build a good relationship with my patients."

Alma nodded and smiled. "I guess that makes it worth it. I know you must mean a lot to these people. I mean, if you weren't here, the next closest hospital is pretty far, right?"

"Yes, unfortunately. That adds a bit to my stress too. I'm, uh … pretty much on my own out here-professionally, I mean."

"Sure, yes, I guess that can be hard too. But you seem to be holding your own anyway. Everyone's healthy, as far as I can tell," she laughed.

"Let's hope it stays that way," Dr. Harvey chuckled. He looked at his watch and said, "Well, I'd better get back to it. That's enough sky gazing for now."

"Yeah? Is that what you do out here?" Alma asked as they walked toward the clinic together.

Dr. Harvey seemed a bit embarrassed and answered, "Uh, well, yes, I just- I like to look to see if there are any planes going over or something like that. Nothing really." When they arrived at the clinic, he pulled on the door handle and said, "Take care, Ms. Alma. And I hope you get some good seeds for those tulips."

"Thank you, Doctor. Have a good day." He went into the clinic, and she went next door to Pierre's. She sold her tulips, bought some seeds for cauliflower and green beans, and went back to the farm to plant them.

As she planted, she had forgotten that her energy was already pretty low. She was able to get the seeds into the ground, but as she was watering, she felt that familiar sluggish feeling. She felt like she was moving at half her speed, and the sun was setting quickly. "Just … one … more …" She tipped the heavy watering can over one more time, and then her arms failed her. The can dropped to the ground, and so did she. She looked up to the cabin, and it looked so far away. "I … can't …."

And she fell into darkness.

CW: estranged family, self-inflicted harm

Alma woke up to feel that she was nearly being squished in the cabin bed. She opened her eyes and saw her two brothers-still children-both in the bed with her, practically piled on top of each other in the one-person bed. Amazingly, though, they were sleeping soundly. She pulled out her arm from under her big brother and pushed her little brother away so she could try to free herself. As she carefully crawled to the foot of the bed, she heard her little brother stir. "Alma?" his little voice squeaked, squinting to see her in the darkness. He was only four years old.

"Benji," she said, "go back to sleep."

"Where are you going?" he whispered loudly.

"I can't sleep there. It's too crowded."

He started to peel himself away from the bed too before she could protest. "I'm coming with you," he said, standing next to her proudly.

She smiled and rubbed his head. "I'd like that, Ben. But be quiet!" They walked over the creaky floorboards as quietly as they could, and Alma tried her hardest to make as little sound as possible when she opened the door. They both snuck outside and sat down on the steps of the cabin, under the stars.

"Why are we here?" Benji asked, hugging his knees. "Why aren't we back home?"

"I live here now. I'm not sure what you guys are doing here, though."

"Well, I'm happy to see you," he said, looking at her with a smile. Then his face changed to confusion as he looked her over. "You cut your hair. And it's purple now? Why is your hair purple?"

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I just always kinda wanted purple hair. And it feels nice to have short hair. Less heavy."

"But you've always had long hair. That's how people know you're a girl!"

Alma chuckled. "Let me tell you a secret. Boys and girls can have whatever hair they want. And when you grow up, you will actually decide you want long hair!"

"Ew, really?!"

"Yeah! And you like it!" She tickled at his sides, and they both laughed loudly before she shushed him, still snickering.

"So you know what I'm like as a grown-up?" he asked, swinging his feet.

"I do. You actually … change quite a bit as you grow up."

"Really?" he asked excitedly. "Like how?"

Alma looked away, now wondering how much she should say. "Well … right now, you're a happy little guy who likes to play and have fun. But as you get older, you start … getting angry a lot. You don't really want to be around us anymore."

"But I love my family!"

"I know you do-and I think even now, deep down, you do. But when people grow older, they sometimes go through this time when they don't want to be like their family. When you go through that, you start hanging around people who don't make very good decisions, and they encourage you to-do things that hurt yourself, things that aren't good for your body. And then when we try to help you, it makes you even more mad. You start getting further and further away and eventually … you stop talking to us."

"I stop talking to you? Like, Mom and Dad too?"

"Yeah."

"But do I … do I still hurt myself? Am I okay now?"

Alma sighed and looked up at the stars. "You get really-sick, I know that. I was with you in the hospital. But … I actually don't know if you're okay now. I don't know anything about you. I don't know where you live, what you do, if you have a wife or kids …. You don't want me to know. You don't want me in your life." Benji was quiet, and Alma could see his eyes were closed tight and his face was scrunched up. She laughed and asked, "What are you doing, you weirdo?"

"I'm trying to make myself think hard about it so that maybe I won't do that later."

She watched him for a minute, a mix of nostalgia and warmth in her heart. She rubbed his back and leaned her head down close to his. "Well, think this really hard too so that you remember it." He peeked one eye open to her. "No matter what you do, even if I never see you again, I want you to know that I will always love you, and I will always be your big sister."

He grinned and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight. She rested her head on his and hugged him back, closing her eyes. When she opened up her eyes again, she saw her arms were empty. She was alone on the steps of the cabin. She looked around and saw no sign of Benji. She peeked her head inside and saw the bed was empty. She sighed and crawled in, hugging her knees to her chest.