Disclaimer: I do not own the Fate franchise it belongs to Kinoko Nasu and Type-Moon.

This Cannot End Well

Chapter 5

Berce mollement sur ton sein sublime,

Caren Ortensia sat under a portable pavilion set up on one side of the runway at a private airport just outside of Fuyuki City, sipping tea from a teacup and saucer in her hands. Next to her was a small table, on which sat a teapot and a phonograph machine, the latter softly playing music to help her pass the time.

O puissante mer, l'enfant de Dindyme!

Caren blinked and then frowned as tires screeched in the distance, before a battered SUV drove across the surrounding greenery onto the runway. It sped its way down the tarmac, and screeched to a halt barely a few meters away from the priestess before a pair of young women quickly jumped out of the vehicle.

"Miss Sakura, I bid you good day." Caren serenely said. "And you must be Rin Tohsaka, the one from another timeline. I bid you good day as well, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"…um, good day to you as well…um, Sister Ortensia." Rin awkwardly said.

Caren raised an eyebrow. "Hmm…I suppose your sister must have told you my name." she said. "That would explain how you know who I am even before I introduced myself to you. That, or you are acquainted with my counterpart from your home timeline."

"Well…I wouldn't call my version of Sister Ortensia a close friend," Rin admitted. "But we've worked together in the past, and get along well enough."

"I see." Caren said with a nod. "That is good to hear. Peaceful accommodation and compromise are always preferable to violent confrontation and unbending opposition. I could say the same for my working relationship with your sister, after all."

Sakura coughed. "Speaking of which," she said. "How are things on this end?"

"The airport has been evacuated." Caren replied. "All that's left now is to wait until…this version, of Shinji Matou, that you mentioned arrived. But, I must ask again: do you really think he would fall for such a stratagem as this?"

"Oh, he definitely would." Rin answered with a nod. "Shinji's actually quite smart, you see. But it's the bad kind of smart. The kind of smart that involves thinking of his pawns, enemies, and even his allies, as nothing more than numbers."

"He doesn't consider their background," Sakura added. "How they might think in any given situation, or that they might have plans of their own."

"In short," Rin concluded. "He doesn't think about all the factors, only the ones convenient for him."

"Hence this plan." Caren said with a nod. "I assume Enforcer Sawyer, plus Little Rin, and the boy Nagato, are all on the way to Mashiki and Kumamoto Airport?"

"They are." Sakura said with a nod of her own. "As planned, we switched cars at the predetermined point, the others taking the spare SUV while we took the one Shinji knows about here."

As if on cue, the Learjet sitting quietly further up the tarmac exploded, a massive ball of fire going up into the air followed by a greasy plume of thick black smoke. Burning debris flew in all directions, while the shockwave shattered windows across the small terminal as well as the control tower further away. All three women were sent flying by the shockwave, leaving them sprawled on the ground.

Rin and Sakura didn't suffer anything more than mild shock, easily dealt with by shaking their heads and a flicker of prana through their magic circuits. Caren, though, was clearly dazed and maybe even concussed, from how she had difficulty standing and even vomited after her first try to do so failed.

"WHAT YOU GOT, BITCHES?" Shinji screamed from his gunship's speakers, missiles screaming from internal bays to blow the control tower in two. "WHAT YOU GOT?"

Rin and Sakura grabbed Caren, and half-dragged, half-carried her into the terminal. Shinji noticed them, and screaming incoherently, raked the front of the building with his gunship's 30 mm automatic cannon.

"CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WHORES!" he screamed. "I'M NORMALLY A GENEROUS AND FORGIVING MAN, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO DO IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU JUST HAD TO SPIT IN MY FACE! YOU JUST HAD TO BE ALL BIG AND BAD! NOW YOU'VE WOKEN UP THE BEAST, AND I AM GOING TO TEACH YOU ALL YOUR PLACES!"

"…generous and forgiving?" Rin muttered as she and Sakura cast spell after spell in the underground level of the terminal, making it safe for the injured Caren to stay in while they dealt with Shinji. "Did he just use those words to describe himself?"

"Rin, this is Shinji Matou we're talking about." Sakura replied. "From what I remember of my timeline's version of him, and what you've told me about your version of him, this is a guy who'd rape a woman while telling her she was asking to be raped, and should even be thankful that he obliged."

"You're right." Rin said, her voice cold as unpleasant memories from the past came up. "He did exactly just that."

"…oh, right. Sorry, I…" Sakura fumbled, but Rin waved her off.

"No need to apologize." She said before looking up as the building shook, Shinji bombarding the terminal with a rocket barrage before going wild with his autocannon again. "It's just the truth, after all."

"YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCK WITH ME, YOU TOHSAKA WHORES?" Shinji screamed again. "LIKE HELL YOU CAN! NO ONE FUCKS WITH ME! I'M THE ONE WHO FUCKS PEOPLE UP! WHORES AND BITCHES LIKE YOU MOST OF ALL!"

"…we need to shut this guy up." Rin said.

"Well, that's what we planned to do." Sakura said, pulling out her longbow and extending it from its previously compact form.

"Let's do this." Rin said with a resolute light in her eyes.

"Divide and conquer!" Sakura agreed.

The sisters bumped their fists, and then headed out to battle.

Shinji never saw it coming. He still couldn't ignore it, though. Not when the arrow actually punched through the reinforced bulletproof glass of his cockpit canopy. It didn't completely go through, but four inches of sharp metal on a wooden shaft poking through glass that should have just shrugged it off wasn't something that could just be brushed off.

Magic, no doubt. How else could it have been done?

And there she was. Sakura stood on top of the burning remains of the terminal, near its northern end, hair blowing in the breeze while holding a longbow in a relaxed, but ready fashion. It made Shinji's blood boil.

"SAKURA TOHSAKA!" he shouted, opening fire with his autocannon.

Sakura sped away, reinforcement allowing her to keep ahead of Shinji's barrage of fire. Shinji responded with rocket fire, but Sakura just teleported away, reappearing several meters in the distance with an arrow already nocked and raising her bow to aim. She loosed a moment later, but Shinji easily avoided the arrow. Instantly, part of his rage turned to mocking amusement.

"Is that the best you can do?" he taunted. "Arrows? Pathetic…but what should I expect from a mere woman? Honestly, you really should have just stayed at home, making meals and keeping house for your betters. Oh, and giving out good fucks and popping out babies, of course. Leave the real work to men!"

Rockets screamed out again, but Sakura once again just teleported away, and launched more arrows in Shinji's way. He dodged them again, and returned fire with his autocannon.

"Magic's wasted on the likes of you." He sneered. "Come to think of it, I wonder if it might actually be overrated, magic that is. Your family had that Kaleido-thingy for centuries and couldn't get it to work. Me? Just a bit of science, hard work, and money, and I've done more than any of you could even hope to imagine! Me! The guy who you all kept looking down on! Now who's the better magus, huh? Who's the man? WHO'S THE MAN? NOT EMIYA, ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!"

The sound of tires screeching caught Shinji by surprise, and he turned to see the SUV driving off. For a moment, he stared in shock and at a loss, before realization struck. Growling low in his throat, Shinji flew off in pursuit.

"Rin Tohsaka…?" he snarled. "You think you can get away from me? You think you can keep me from punishing Emiya for stealing what should have been mine? LIKE HELL YOU ARE! THAT BOY SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE! HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY SON! BUT NO, THAT WHORE MATED WITH THAT THIEF EMIYA, AND MADE A SPAWN WITH HIM INSTEAD!"

Shinji paused as laser targeting systems locked onto the SUV, a sick smile spreading across his face. "It would have been nice to see the look on Emiya and his whore's face when I killed their spawn in front of them." He said in a voice dripping with malice. "But you, and that brat, are just too much trouble! So I'll just settle for turning you to a burning smear on the ground, and rubbing it in that brat's parent's faces later!"

Pulling the trigger, Shinji sent a pair of missiles at the SUV, turning it into a ball of flame that scattered burning debris across dozens of meters. Shinji shrilly laughed at the sight.

"HOW'S THAT?" he screamed. "I BET YOU REGRET GOING UP AGAINST ME, DON'T YOU? IT'S JUST TOO BAD YOU'RE DEAD…!"

Then his gunship shuddered, again and again, causing Shinji to wildly look around him. "What?" he spat, before gasping in surprise as translucent panes of shimmering light flickered around his gunship, before forming an isohedron of folded space that trapped it and him in midair. "Impossible! There's no way I…!"

"Use your eyes, moron." Sakura taunted, looking up from the ground with her hands on her hips.

Despite himself, Shinji responded to the taunt, and his eyes all but popped out of their sockets at the sight of arrows embedded into the armor of his gunship, anchoring the spatial prison he was now trapped in. "This…this is…this is impossible!" he shrieked.

Sakura laughed and turned away. "It's all yours, Rin." She said with a wave of a hand.

"…gladly." Rin said, emerging from Imaginary Numbers Space into which she'd been folded just before the SUV blew up, and landing on top of the gunship's fuselage before looking over a shoulder at Shinji. "Did you know in JoJo quite a few characters have…war cries of their own? No? Then let me show you."

Not waiting for him to respond, Rin fisted her hands…

…and pummeled the gunship's fuselage fifteen times per second, thanks to a combination of reinforcement and elemental magecraft. All the while she was gleefully and unashamedly screaming a war cry at the top of her voice. "SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO- SAYO-!" she shouted, as silicon carbide armor plating, then aluminum backing and hull plating, followed by the gunship's very innards, tore apart under her fists. "SAYO-!"

With one final punch, Rin literally punched the gunship in two, torn machinery flying all around her. "BULLSHIT!" Shinji screamed, spittle flying from his lips, bulging red eyes staring at Rin through the canopy. "I CALL BULLSHIT! THAT'S! NOT! POSSIBLE!"

Rin sniffed, and as the spatial prison flickered out, she kicked off and up into the air, somersaulting back down to land with legs split on the ground. "Sayonara." She calmly finished.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!" Shinji screamed, as his ruined gunship fell and crashed to the ground, before exploding into a fireball of its own.

"Taking tips from Bruno Bucciarati, are you?" Sakura asked as Rin joined her at the garage behind the terminal.

"Bruno is the best character in all of Vento Aureo!" Rin sniffed in response. "In fact, I daresay Bruno, and not Giorno, is the main character of Vento Aureo."

"Well…I guess it does look like that." Sakura grudgingly conceded as they both piled into a jeep that Sakura had already hotwired. "Like…I don't know. Bruno teaching Giorno not only how to make his dream come true, but how to live the dream when it becomes reality."

Rin nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, put like that…it sounds very much like what I think the relationship between them is." She said.

Sakura hummed as she drove the jeep out, then along the service road back to the main road. "Then again," she added. "You could say that was Bruno's relationship with the rest of his team. Except for Fugo, of course."

"He was a coward." Rin sniffed. "Bruno shouldn't have to take responsibility for him, especially since Bruno gave everyone the choice to join him against Diavolo at Venice. Fugo made his own choice to run like a dog with his tail between his legs."

Sakura hummed thoughtfully, and after a few minutes of silence, Rin looked at her curiously. "Something on your mind?" she asked.

Sakura smiled at her. "…Team Mom." She said.

"What?"

"Bruno was the Team Mom. You could say he was the surrogate mother of everyone in the group, except for Abbachio, who might as well have been the Team Dad."

Rin blinked, and then started laughing. "Well, if you put it that way," she said. "I have to agree."

"It makes me wonder, though." Sakura said with a sigh. "If our parents were more like Bruno and Abbacchio instead of, well, Aoi and Tokiomi, how would we have turned out?"

"…normal, probably." Rin answered after a few moments and a sigh of her own. "If there's anything life experiences have taught me, it's that supernatural knowledge and powers don't make valid excuses for being a sick fuck. Being a normal person is a choice, and the supernatural doesn't factor into it, no matter what anyone else says."

Sakura nodded slowly. "That's…very deep." She said thoughtfully. "Not surprised, though, considering your experiences."

"And you?"

"…based on my own life experiences," Sakura replied after a moment. "I can't disagree."

"…who taught you how to drive?" Rin asked after a moment, causing Sakura to laugh at the obvious change in subject.

"Well, about that…"

Meanwhile, back at the ruined private airport, a certain priestess was very cross at being (unintentionally) forgotten. "…Miss Sakura will be taking me to dinner more than once for starters for this." Caren muttered as she lay on a couch in an ensorcelled room under the airport.

"Oh, there you two are." Tom sighed in relief as Rin and Sakura joined him, Nagato, and Little Rin at Kumamoto Airport's departures' waiting area. "I was getting worried you might miss our flight."

"As if." Rin said with a roll of her eyes.

"These tickets cost plenty of money." Sakura added. "No way we'll miss this plane."

"Besides," Rin continued. "Job's not done until we get Nagato safely to London. Come to think of it, it might not even end there, but only after we deliver him back to his parents in your home timeline. Not to mention dealing with the trouble there that only spilled over to here. And before anyone asks, yes, I'm still looking forward to meeting my other self. I just need a few minutes, but my business should be finished in less than a minute, now that I think about it."

There was a long moment of silence, and then Tom coughed. "What happened to Mister Matou?" he asked.

"A burned corpse in a gunship's wreckage." Sakura replied. "So much for being our better, what an idiot."

Tom sighed in relief. "Well, that's a load off our shoulders." He said. "Still, just a bit disappointing, though. We could have learned a lot from him, like what the hell he's been up to back in our home timeline. Oh well, it can't be helped, I guess. That's what happens when people fight. They get hurt, or even killed."

"Pretty much." Rin said with a shrug, Sakura nodding in agreement next to her.

"Anyway, now that you're here, do you mind watching the kids?" Tom asked. "I need to visit the men's room. I'll also buy something on the way back. Any preferences?"

"I'm fine with a burger." Sakura said. "Fries too. Oh, and maybe a hot fudge sundae?"

"Yeah, you know what I'll have what Sakura's getting." Rin said.

"Me too!" Nagato chimed in.

"Me three!" Little Rin said in her turn. "But King-size for me, please! Oh, and chicken fingers too! Make my sundae a double special with candy drizzle on top, and extra hot fudge!"

Despite himself, Tom laughed. "Alright, I'll remember all that." He said. "But first, I need to visit the men's room."

Rin and Sakura waved him off as Tom headed to the men's room with a relaxed sense of urgency, while Little Rin and Nagato went back to their Gameboys. Meanwhile, the elder Tohsakas sat down on nearby seats. "Finally," Rin said with a sigh. "A small chance to rest."

"We'd better enjoy it while it lasts." Sakura said. "Like you said just now, the job's not done yet. And it's only going to get more complicated further along."

"No argument there." Rin said.

Sakura nodded and sighed herself. "That whole mess in Fuyuki's going to be a big pain in the neck." She said. "Though thankfully…oh no…"

"What?" Rin asked, sitting up warily at the tone of Sakura's voice. "Did you see or sense someone or something?"

Sakura laughed without any hint of amusement at all. "No, nothing like that." She said. "But it's trouble, alright."

"What is…?"

"We forgot someone."

"Who?"

"Sister Ortensia."

"…shit."

A/N

Kudos to anyone who figures out the reference at the start.

Well, now you know why Shinji's after Nagato. He's pissed that not only was that timeline's version of Shirou sleeping with Rin, he actually had a kid with her.

In short, it's all just a very violent tantrum from a manchild, i.e. typical Shinji Matou behavior.

On a brighter note, readers of the fic set before this work would probably remember Sakura bringing up JoJo to Rin, who accuses her of being a Yaoi fangirl. Only now, Rin has also read JoJo, and joined the legion of Araki's fans, including all the craziness that seems to just overflow from the fandom, as shown by her rather…flamboyant, punching out of Shinji's gunship.