I'm so sorry for the extremely long wait. In the beginning of April I had serious E-Scooter accident where my wheel hit the curb of the driveway and I fell forward off my scooter while commuting from campus to work. I landed right on my face and fractured my nose and the rim of my orbital eye socket(right on the eyebrow). I needed time to recover and then I lost motivation to continue. It took a long time for me to get back into my story telling as I was in a lot of pain. I'm starting to regain my motivation and I really want to finish Regina's journey.

I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit rough. The next update will be up much faster. Also I'm still working on Queen without a crown rewrite, I just want to finish it as a whole before posting.

Thank you everyone for being so patient! And thank you Pinkpillow19 for checking up on me!

Chapter 42 The Other Side

As the week moved on Regina had fallen into some kind of desolation. She became very reserved, keeping to herself and hardly opening up in her sessions since her attempt to talk about the incident. Mal gave her space and time, and she was grateful for it. It gave her time to think about the words she had said to her, about letting herself feel her trauma. She knew this had to be a turning point in her progress; opening up about the person she blamed the most for ruining her life. Her anger for Mary Margaret went beyond Cora and even Leopold. It was a kind of anger that ran so deep, she knew it would only be more painful the further they moved into her recovery.

She was a bit distracted this morning, as she rode beside Aaliyah down the trails with the kids for the first time. Mal had been confident to get them on an actual trail this week after the successful trial run they had in the paddocks. Her therapist was up ahead leading them through the woods. The kids and counselors were chatting excitedly, the excitement in the air catching every single person except for Regina. She was a bit grumpy; frustrated even since the night Mal tried getting her to talk about the incident. Aaliyah seemed quite cheerful despite her ongoing problems with her mother. She was chatting and Regina couldn't seem to hold the conversation.

"Regina?"

She snapped her attention to the young teen atop of Autumn.

"Sorry dear?"

"You're distracted," she observed curiously. She averted her gaze straight ahead, shutting down and not wanting to talk about her turmoils with Aaliyah. The poor girl had her own problems to worry about. "Regina?" she tried getting her attention again.

She sighed and reluctantly faced her, unable to hide the watery tears from welling up in her eyes. She was so conflicted she didn't know whether to finally let go or continue to push the memories away that it no longer hurt but felt numb.

For a moment, as she looked at the young teen looking at her with such deep concern in her eyes, she saw Mary Margaret, a young girl looking up at her as if she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. In a way, she did. She was put into a role where Mary Margaret's happiness became her responsibility, from the moment she was put into her arms when she was just a little girl. Eva pushed them together as sisters, and instead of that relationship flourishing, Eva had died and left Regina the responsibility of raising her daughter. Leopold forced a mother daughter role on them, and as much as it hurt to admit, both Emma and Mary Margaret pressured her into mending a relationship that was no longer there. All it did was fuel her anger towards the younger woman, but as she sat upon her horse and looked at the young girl beside her, she suddenly wondered what it would have been like if Eva didn't die. If she hadn't been forced to raise Mary Margaret. Would they still be close like sisters? Would she be helping her get ready for her wedding and not resenting her?

"Do you have siblings?" She found herself asking. The question seemed to surprise Aaliyah for a moment because she didn't seem to know what to say.

"Yeah, a little brother that my dad had with another woman…"

"Oh…" she was shocked, suddenly regretting asking something so personal. She had no idea Aaliyah's father had another child with another woman.

"I don't really know him," she continued, not catching on to Regina's momentary shock. "I saw him once as a baby. I think he's two now… I don't know. I wish I could know him. I've always wanted brothers and sisters."

"And despite everything, would you have a relationship if you could?"

"Well, he's my brother," she shrugged. "Maybe when he's older I could show him the old house we lived in before… When we were a family? I was happy then, and sometimes I wish it could be like that again." Regina realized she was talking about those early years before her father abused and left her, before her mother turned to drugs and abandoned her as well. Before she had to grow up quickly because her parents had fallen into darkness and forgot they had a daughter. "Why are you asking all this?"

"I'm just…" she trailed off, looking up ahead at the line of students and horses. She could see Garret up front with Mal, talking her ear off as usual. She didn't know how to answer without giving too much away.

"It's ok," she suddenly said, sounding so much older than her 13 years of age. "You don't have to tell me. Of course I would want to know him because he was hurt too, just like me and my mom. We all have our own side right? Or at least that's what Allison tells me. Then again, he's just a baby right now. Imagine the hurt he'll go through when he sees all the hurt our father put his family through when he's old enough."

"Everyone has their own side," she whispered, suddenly realizing that as much as she had been condemning Mary Margaret for her selfishness in her role through all this fighting, she herself had never once considered just how much Mary Margaret might have lost. Not only did she lose her parents and her childhood home, but the sister she grew up with. Maybe it was time she set herself free and in doing so set Mary Margaret free? She couldn't guarantee a relationship. There was just too much hurt for that, but maybe they could at least be at a place where she didn't want to kill her every time she saw her.

It was late afternoon when they had said goodbye to the kids. They had one last session next week and they were done. Regina was a bit sad to say goodbye, knowing she would never see them again. Mal of course would follow up on them from time to time. Once the bus had driven off, leaving a cloud of dust behind from the dirt road, Regina looked at Mal, remnants of her conversation with Aaliyah still in her mind.

"Can we talk?" she asked, looking into fiery but soft blue eyes. The older woman smiled and nodded towards the cabin.

Once they were settled in her office, Regina took a breath, her hands shook, and she could feel the emotions she suppressed from that night, threatening to burst out of her. Mal must have seen how nervous she was because she came over and sat beside her on the couch and gently squeezed her shaking hands.

"Take your time," she said, looking into her brown eyes with a steady calmness that she passed through their joined hands. "Let yourself feel your emotions. No need to shove them down out of fear."

She nodded, took another breath, this time slow and calm. She pulled her hands into her lap, nervously wringing them. She wasn't sure where to start.

"Start with the party…" Mal guided her, her voice soft and patient and voice cracking with compassion.

She swallowed what felt like a painful lump of emotions in her throat. She could remember the excited laughter from her classmates. The sound of the bonfire's crackling flames in the night sky. The smell of alcohol mixing with the scented pine trees. The dark woods surrounding them and hiding them from the town. The perfect place for one last celebration before the first day of the rest of their lives.

She could remember sitting on a fallen log with Daniel, surrounded by her peers, his blue eyes glowing with the flames and the moonlight. He had made promises to her that night, promises to take her far away from Storybrooke… from her mother. She was supposed to be happy with him.

"Daniel was promising me the world," she smiled. "We were sitting on a log among our friends, among the trees under the moonlight. I could remember the smell of the bonfire and the alcohol. I can hear their laughter and their excitement… And for once in my life, I was excited. I was free."

She stopped for a moment as she remembered Mary Margaret appearing from the trees. For a moment freedom was just at her fingertips, and just like that, it was gone. Anger swirled through her that night. Hot rage she had never felt before as she angrily stood and grabbed the girl by her arm.

"The moment I saw her I was so angry I could barely breathe. I got up and grabbed her arm and screamed at her. She was terrified now that I look back on it, but I was so angry that she had ruined the little freedom I had, that I didn't care. I was hurt that she couldn't just leave me alone for one moment."

She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering back to that night as terrified blue eyes stared up at her.

"What the hell are you doing here! Why can't you just leave me alone!"

"All my anger for her and my mother just came out that night and I just screamed at her. I berated her even as we got into the car and I could remember her just sitting and crying in the back seat. She's never seen me like that. I didn't really notice until I was driving and I looked at her through the rearview mirror. Daniel and I started arguing as well. He was a bit drunk too but he was telling me to calm down and that I was only scaring her, and then…"

Her breaths must have been speeding up, because Mal was suddenly encouraging her to breathe.

"Slow down your breathing," she said softly.

She took deep breaths, in and out until her chest no longer felt constricted. She started to calm herself down, something that wasn't so easy before.

"There you go," Mal smiled.

"I was starting to calm down and right when I glanced at her through the mirror again, seeing her curled up and crying, I started to feel bad. I was just about to apologize but then Daniel was suddenly yelling at me to watch out. A wolf jumped out of nowhere and I swerved hard into a ditch and hit a tree…"

Screaming! The airbags exploding. The smell of car fumes and blood mixing together in a revolting stench. Daniel's silence and lifeless eyes before she had passed out.

Regina broke down into sobs, a huge difference from her reaction the first time she was telling Mal her story. She was feeling every single emotion from that night… The anger, pain, hurt, devastation. The unbearable heartbreaking grief.

Mal was pulling her into her arms, holding her and letting her cry. She wasn't trying to console her with empty words of, It's going to be ok. It wasn't ok. Her life had changed. Mary Margaret lost her because of it. Daniel died because of her.

"He died because of me," she cried into Mal's shoulder, making the older woman pull away at those words. She looked into her eyes, gaining full focus.

"It is not your fault," she said sternly. "It was an accident."

"We were fighting," she cried. "The last thing he remembered was me yelling at him."

"He knew you loved him."

She couldn't answer as sobs continued to rack her body. She couldn't forgive herself for that night. She couldn't forgive herself for screaming at a 13 year old girl. She couldn't forgive herself for yelling at her boyfriend before he died. She could never forgive herself for swerving into that ditch. She blamed herself for so many years and could never admit it to herself which was why she wouldn't let herself talk about it for so long or even let herself feel the grief from that night.

Mal had been right, as always.

"I know who you're really angry at," Mal said softly. "Where your anger for Mary Margaret stems from… You're angry at yourself because you blame yourself for what happened. She was only a scapegoat for that anger. I needed you to let yourself feel and relive the emotions from that night for you to accept it."

"How do I forgive myself?" she asked, wiping her eyes and trying to control her sobs.

"This is the first step. Talking about it. Feeling your grief and your anger. Now, I'll help you work through it, but forgiveness comes with time."

"I don't hate her…" she suddenly whispered, surprising herself as much as Mal. Her doctor's mouth fell open in a brief moment of shock.

"Of course not," she nodded. "Angry, yes… but you never hated her."

"I think I want to start forgiving her too, but I don't think our relationship could ever be repaired. There's just too much damage."

Mal nodded, and for the first time Regina was met with acceptance for her decision, not the overwhelming pressure to forgive and mend her broken relationship with Mary Margaret. The hot rage that swelled up inside her whenever she thought of her former step daughter lessened just a bit.

"How about we stop until our reflection tonight?" Mal asked. "You look exhausted."

Regina nodded, grateful that her mentor could see her energy starting to wane.

"Let's have some lunch and then you can rest."

After lunch, Regina went into her room and laid on her bed, but before she could fall asleep, she decided to call Emma. She just wanted to hear her voice after all the heavy emotions she just processed. She could hear Mal in her office conducting her zoom meetings with other clients. She was a busy woman and it fascinated her that she dedicated the needed time and patience each patient needed.

The phone rang several times before it was answered.

"Hey, love," Emma said and she could practically hear her smiling.

"You're not busy are you?" she asked, not wanting to interrupt her at work or anything. In fact she could hear a lot of background noise as if she were outside. Was that Leroy's voice? And what was that weird shoveling noise?

"No, of course not," she assured her, sounding a bit out of breath. The background noises faded as if she were moving to a quieter place. "Are you ok?"

"I just opened up to Mal about the incident… Really opened up as in tears and ugly crying and emotions and everything."

"Aw love," her voice was full of affection and pride. "I'm so proud of you. How do you feel now?"

"A bit more… free," she admitted. "I…" She let out a sigh, struggling to find the right words. "I realized I'm angry at myself, because I still blame myself for what happened that night. I'm still processing everything, but I'm sure of one thing."

"And what's that?"

"I've been angry at the wrong person. Mary Margaret."

There was a heavy silence between them. This was something they fought about a lot in the beginning of their relationship. Something that took time for Emma to see her side.

"I want to forgive her. I want to try and be at a place where just the mere thought of her doesn't consume me with anger. I don't know if our relationship could ever be repaired, but I do want to be civil with her. I want Henry to have her and David in his life. And I don't want you to lose your friend. I'm sorry if I ever put you in the middle."

Emma let out a chuckle mixed with what sounded like a sob.

"I love you, you know that?" she asked and Regina nodded even if she couldn't see her. "After the wedding, I told Mary Margaret that I needed to step back from our friendship, because you and your feelings mattered and that I should have been more understanding to you. I'm the one who should be apologizing for all the fighting and not listening to what you were trying to tell me."

"Don't end your friendship Emma," she whispered. "I am willing to have a conversation with her when I get back. I want to come to an understanding."

"She's stepping back," Emma said. "She wants to let you go and give you a complete fresh start, if that's what you wanted."

That doesn't sound like the selfish girl that clung to her every moment when they were kids. Maybe she was no longer that spoiled child and she was finally realizing that child has been gone for a very long time.

She let out a thoughtful hum, thinking about Emma's words. She'd make it right with Mary Margaret when she got back, and she knew her former stepdaughter would do everything she can to make up for her as well.

"Hey quick question?" Emma asked, her voice cracking a bit from the heavy emotions between them.

"What do Apple trees eat?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, is there a special soil for them or something?"

"Sandy loam soil…" she answered, not understanding why she was asking her this. Was there something wrong with her tree? She hasn't tended to it in a very long time and doubted it was in very good condition right now. She didn't question her further. She was too exhausted and occupied with her own problems right now to be worrying about her tree.

"Got it…" Emma murmured, sounding a bit distracted as if she were writing it down.

"Emma, what on earth are you up to?" she asked, a hint of fondness in her tone.

"Hey, so did you ask Mal if it was ok for Henry to visit?" she abruptly asked.

"Don't change the subject, Miss Swan!"

"Alright," she chuckled. "You trust me, right?

"Of course…"

"Then you'll see when you get back. It's a surprise."

"Fine," she laughed. "Tell Henry he is welcome to come this weekend. It won't be with the kids after all. I kind of just want some alone time with him instead."

"I'm sure he'll understand. Speaking of… I need to go pick him up from school. Facetime me tonight? When you're done with your reflection?" Emma asked.

"I will," Regina smiled. "Tell Henry I love him."

After saying goodbye, she hung up, placed her phone on the nightstand and curled up under the throw blanket she kept folded on the end of the bed.

She felt a bit more relaxed after talking to Emma and hearing her voice, so much that she was able to push away the bad memories that her session had brought up. Her mind stopped swirling with anxiety and she fell into a dreamless sleep.

It was almost as if she had blinked.

One moment she was closing her eyes and the next the sound of a car honking and its wheels driving on the gravel abruptly woke her. She sat up, startled at the sound of someone being here at the cabin unannounced. An irrational part of her thought that for a moment it was Leopold, coming to take her back to the mansion… to her prison. Her heart started racing and she had to remind herself that he was in prison before she fell into a panic attack.

She took a few deep breaths until her heart no longer felt like it was constricting in her chest. She stood just as she heard a car door slam close and then the sound of a horse neighing… Was that Hunter? She glanced at her phone to see it was the time Mal usually worked with him.

She rushed out to the living room window just in time to see a woman with long dark hair and sunglasses heading angrily over to the paddock. The slam of the car door must have spooked Hunter because Mal was inside with him trying to control him as he became more and more fearful. She was trying to grab his reins to gain control but he was backing up.

Regina rushed out and practically ran the short distance from the cabin to the paddock as the unknown woman started yelling at Mal by the fence. Hunter at that point lost control and Regina saw it before it happened.

Hunter reared up on his hind legs, pulling the reins forward… pulling Mal forward. She watched in horror as she fell right under Hunter's rearing legs.

"Mal!" she yelled, practically shoving the women out of the way and pushing through the gate just as Hunter slammed his hooves down, one of them just missing Mal's abdomen. She pulled Mal back by her arms right through the gate just as Hunter started charging them.

"Regina!" Mal cried as she stepped in front of her therapist, holding a hand out to the agitated horse. And instead of Hunter trampling her, he stopped in his tracks and let out an angry snort. His eyes wide and full of fear based anger.

"Hey, good boy," Regina said softly, keeping her hand out to him and slowly placing it on his muzzle. "You're ok…"

"Regina…" Mal's panicked tone sounded behind her. "Back up slowly and I'll close the gate right behind you."

She and Hunter were at a stalemate. She recognized that look in his eyes. That fearful untrusting dark gaze. He was lost in his fear, and it wouldn't take much for him to charge at her once more. She felt a hand take hers and in that moment Mal was guiding her backward through the gate. Mal slammed it closed just as Hunter charged. They stumbled back in shock, watching Hunter slam himself against the fence, snorting angrily before finally backing off.

Mal lost it, whirling to face the shocked woman that had trespassed and spooked Hunter.

"Who the hell are you!" she snapped. Regina could only watch in shock as the woman sneered at her. She didn't even have the decency to remove her sunglasses. Something about the woman looked familiar… She's seen that smirk somewhere.

"Well if that's the way you talk to people, you shouldn't be teaching a bunch of kids, let alone my daughter," she retorted.

Aaliyah's mother. They looked almost alike. Same facial features, same smirk and if Regina could see her eyes, she was sure they'd have the same. She was also surprised at how young her mother seemed to be. She must have had Aaliyah at a young age.

"And you let kids around dangerous animals like that!" she snapped pointing at Hunter.

"They're not dangerous," Mal growled.

"You were nearly trampled," she had the audacity to scoff when she was the one to spook Hunter in the first place.

"Enough," Mal raised her hand. "Why are you here?"

"I don't want Aaliyah coming here where you fill her head with lies about me!"

"Lies?" Mal asked in disbelief, stepping up to the hostile woman with a fierce protectiveness for her young charge. "You're the one who is confusing her! She is thriving and you can't even see it. You can't just let her be happy."

"I'm all she needs… Not this run down farm to talk about her feelings, and certainly not those strangers that she's living with."

"You mean her adoptive parents?" Mal goaded her. The woman practically growled as she stepped up into Mal's personal space as if trying to intimidate her. She removed her sunglasses, facing her with dark cold eyes. Eyes that somehow reminded her of Leopold. Of course Mal didn't back down. She stared right back at her, challenging her to try something.

"You better watch yourself," she threatened, and then her dark eyes flickered over to Regina.

"You must be Regina," she assumed.

"And you must be the bitch that put the bruise on her face," she spat. Her eyes darkened and for a moment Regina thought she was about to get violent as she sneered and started to approach her, but Mal stepped in between them.

"Go. Now. Before I call the police," Mal demanded, daring her to try anything else.

"This isn't over," she threatened.

"Yes it is!" Mal snapped. "Aaliyah is safe and where she belongs and that's not with you." The woman let out a growl and just when she was about to retaliate, Mal spoke up once more. "Try anything and you will be hearing from my lawyer. If you're trying to regain custody rights, I'm sure assaulting your daughter's therapist won't look good on your record."

Some kind of reluctant acceptance washed over her because she finally backed off and with one last glare, she got back into her car and drove off. Mal didn't take her eyes off her until she could no longer be seen down the road.

"Are you ok?" Regina asked, getting her attention and wondering if they'd have to drive to urgent care. Mal's hard angry gaze softened as she faced her. She gave her a small assuring smile.

"I think so," she nodded, patting her abdomen as if checking for injuries she wasn't aware of. She looked over at Hunter grazing in the paddock, his ears and body language still so alert as he munched on grass.

"What did she think she would accomplish by showing up here?" Regina asked, her gaze drifting towards the road. Mal shrugged.

"She's losing Aaliyah and threatening me was a last ditch effort on her part."

"Next week is our last session. Do you think she'll show up?" Regina asked, worried.

"No, not unless she's willing to violate her restraining order. She can't come near Aaliyah. Come on," Mal said. "Lets get inside. I need to make some calls and report this."

The afternoon was spent with Mal making several phone calls that lasted well before dinner time. When they had finally sat down in her office for their evening reflection, Regina could see how exhausted the older woman looked. Her eyes had dark circles and she seemed to move slowly as if she were in pain. Regina had once again asked if she was ok while they had been preparing dinner, and she admitted she was a bit sore from falling. She had tried persuading her that they could skip their reflection so she could rest, but Mal wouldn't hear of it and professionally declined.

"Today was pretty rough," Mal stated, which Regina nodded to. "You opened up about the incident and allowed yourself to feel those emotions associated with it. Although, I'm curious, what helped you to decide to talk about it?"

"Well," Regina replied. "Surprisingly, Aaliyah."

Mal looked at her in surprise but also with pride for not just her but for Aaliyah. The young girl, despite everything she was going through, had improved in such a short period of time.

"I'm not going to ask what was discussed between you two, but I'm so proud of you. This is a huge step Regina. And not just for you, but for Aaliyah."

"As quick temper and immature she can sometimes be, she's also very intuitive. She helped me realize that as angry and hurt that I am, I'm not the only one. Mary Margaret didn't just lose her parents. She lost me too. She lost her home. Her family."

"Going forward, where do you see your relationship with her now?"

She leaned back against the couch, taking a moment to think about the question being asked. She had admitted to Emma that she wanted to be civil with Mary Margaret, but wasn't sure if she wanted to pursue any kind of relationship with her. It was just too soon. And despite coming to the realization that she was actually misdirecting her anger, some of that anger towards the younger woman still remained.

"I'm not actually sure," she admitted. "I don't want to fight with her anymore. I don't want to be angry, but I also don't want a relationship with her. I don't know if there can be one after everything that has happened."

"And that's ok," Mal assured her. "It is your choice."

"Emma actually shared something that surprised me a bit. She said Mary Margaret is willing to step back and let me go. She's never done anything like that before. She's always clung to me so tightly."

"And how does that change your decision?"

That was such a good question, because she knew the answer. She just didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to accept it, but if she learned anything from working with Mal. She needed to be true to herself.

"I don't think I want to let her go."