Chapter 2

Jurko sang happily as they rode to Warszawa.

"Empty your glasses, there will be others,

Let us all drink now, for we are brothers

Let us drink deeply, grain, grape or berry,

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

Dance to the clinking of many glasses,

When you fall over, dance with the lasses

Let's not get sober, here's cider and perry

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

Drink from the bottle and from the barrel

Spills never matter on your apparel,

Ignore the food, it's unnecessary

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

A fig to sobriety, let us keep drinking

We'll never cease while the glasses are clinking

Inebriation, we'll get there – very!

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!

Drink up! Drink up! Let us be merry!1

"Sobriety and inebriation as words after four verses, really?" said Jeremi. "How many dedicated sots could manage to even say them?"

"Well, that's why it's funnier, listening to them mangling them," said Jurko. "Or, you know, you could always pass an ordinance that innkeepers can make their customers sing it and throw them out without serving them if they can't pronounce it all."

"That'd go down like a cannon ball in snow," said Jeremi. "A drinking song – not your usual repertoire."

"Oh, but it was when I was a wild youth," said Jurko. "Just occasionally you need a good drinking song, and you can polonaise to this one, which is funniest when it's two very drunken blokes who are mismatched in size. I wrote it to celebrate Onufry Zagłoba managing to stay mostly sober."

"My dear boy, I can pronounce sobriety and inebriation drunk or sober," said Zagłoba, smiling at his wife, who had effected the change on his drinking habits.

"Yes, and Papa says you're dangerous with a sword, drunk or sober, and I know you're an old fox at all times," said Jurko, cheekily.

"Less of the 'old,' boy," said Zagłoba. He had his small son riding in front of him, and his daughter rode with his wife, the child's stepmother, not that Basia knew her as anything but 'Mama.' Zagłoba had done well out of looting the invading Swedes six years previously, and Jeremi had also awarded him lands from those attainted after the abortive Koniecpolski uprising. He wore an air of opulence and well-being, and was a hard-bodied warrior with only a little extra flesh, and none of the tell-tale wine-coloured flush to his face since Janina had told him that she preferred a healthy, long-lived husband to being a fairly wealthy widow. She joined him, as did the wives of others close to the king, for sabre drill in the morning, and made sure he had plenty of other exercise.

There was a new young woman who joined in sabre drill, reflected Jeremi, and he raised his eyebrow interrogatively to Helena.

"Oh, this is Oleńka, Papa," said Helena. "Her betrothed abducted her while you were in talks with Von Kettler. Gzylda set Michał Wołodyjowski on him, and now Andrzej Kmicic, who is as crazy as ever Jurko was when we ran off together, is recovering from a head wound. He's the Banneret of Orsza and the other ragamuffin szlachcice he has mustered have no discipline at all. Gzylda gave them to Wołodyjowski to lick into shape, because they need serious training to be more than a group of brigands."

"I love Andrzej but I will not put up with being treated like a chattel, sire," said Oleńka.

"Quite right too," approved Jeremi.

"He admires you, and your son, and he asked if he couldn't join Prince Jurij's irregulars," said Oleńka and then giggled. "Princess Helena told him that when he and his band could manage behaviour more akin to their age, than that of Prince Jurij's infant offspring, it might be considered."

"Oh dear," said Jeremi.

"Quite," said Helena, dryly.

"I sent some of our steadier younger sons as stewards in Orsza," said Gryzelda. "The boy has no science to his swordplay and wins by sheer force against unskilled opposition. I suspect he runs his lands the same."

"I used to do so as well, so I do sympathise," said Jurko. "I'll put him through some drills when Michał Wołodyjowski brings his angels to Warszawa."

Neither Helena nor Gryzelda mentioned that Michał would be ashamed to show the new recruits in Warszawa as they were.

"Thank you, my love, you have made all the right decisions," said Jeremi to his wife. He had no time for hunting, and little interest in it, and kept his lands bailiffed by younger sons of szlachcice who had the right to hunt such beasts as bear, wolf, wild boar, and deer, which were the preserve of the szlachta, and yet could cause significant hardship for the peasantry. What his bailiffs did with the fruits of their hunt he did not care; though he had standing orders to alleviate severe poverty in times of famine by giving meat to the peasantry. It was part of Jeremi's plan to show the Sejm how well he was doing whilst having abolished serfdom and treating his peasantry well, as Jurko had long ago suggested to him. The sleekness of Jeremi's peasantry was beginning to be a byword. Jeremi out-produced any other szlachcic because of this, and because he had introduced the Waasland four-field rotation system when one of Jurko's Dutch shipowners had mentioned it. The Dutch had been using it for a hundred years, and consequently were wealthy despite having little readily usable land. This meant that a fodder crop and a grazing crop were grown between human food crops, wheat, turnips, oats and clover rotating, and enabled livestock to be kept all year round. The clover rejuvenated the land, and turnips and oats could withstand the current cold. Jeremi had also sent for a vegetable he had encountered in England, the potato, and had grown a crop on the home farm, and invited the peasantry to a Christmas feast, where he and his family ate roast potato with roast pork. Seeing their lord and king eat this suspiciously foreign vegetable made the peasants eager to try it; and it thrived even in cold conditions, meaning that they had plenty to eat. Jeremi wanted to talk about land reforms to support the freeing of serfs, and he was excited to share his findings. Farming did not interest him as such; but improving anything it was his duty to oversee was something he took seriously.

"What do you think is the best way to present my findings to the Sejm, Jurij?" Jeremi asked his son, as they sat on a barge heading down the Wisła to Warszawa. Being able to travel from the far east of the Rzeczpospolita to Warszawa in a couple of weeks instead of taking months was a real boon, and Jurij's 'Shovel Masters,' as his irregular engineers called themselves, had worked wonders.

It helped that they spent the winter months, when they could not do much actual engineering, preparing things like cutting trees for corduroy roads, causeways, and piles, making pontoons, and otherwise making sure that they could start work as soon as the weather improved. Jurko also had warehouses of prepared road and bridge-building at strategic points, in case of needing to build roads just in front of troops. Especially in the East.

"The Sejm is full of pig-headed, self-opinionated, idiotic individualists," said Jurko.

"Well, I knew that when I consented to stand for election as king," said Jeremi. "Were you going anywhere with that train of thought?"

"Oh, hell, yes," said Jurko. "I can see you girding your loins to festoon them with facts, inform them of idealism, and envelope them with enlightenment. But it won't work. What you need to do is to convince them with casuistry, baffle them with bullshit, and appeal to their lowest thoughts."

"I'm not tramping all the whores in Warszawa through the Sejm," said Jeremi.

"Lower than that," said Jurko. "And you need a display."

"I'm listening; you haven't guided me wrong yet."

"This, as I keep saying, is because I am a poor simple Cossack whose head aches with politics, but who knows what people want," said Jurko. "Money. It speaks louder than any ideal."

"I am certainly still listening," said Jeremi.

"I totted up how much more yearly profit you've been making since you made the changes on your own estates," said Jurko. "And what you are going to do is to have that much brought into the Sejm and spilled carelessly on the floor. I guarantee you will have their attention from that moment on."

"My son, I bow to the master," said Jeremi.

"I'm a Cossack. I can't tell you how to craft laws, but I can tell you all about loot."

Jeremi laughed.

oOoOo

Longinus Podbipięta was waiting at the Royal Castle.

Jadwiga sat up straight, and started nibbling one plait. Helena took the braid gently from the girl's mouth, and moved it behind her.

"You're too old for that," she said. "And I expect you to prove that you are old enough to be Sir Longinus' page. If, indeed, that was what you were hoping for?

"Well, it worked for you and for Zuzanna," gasped Jadwiga. "And he is so splendid!"

"And he's been escorting the Queen of Sweden whose intent was to get with child by one of her splendid escort," said Helena. "Would it make a difference if he... uh, achieved his education that way?"

"Not if he isn't sighing to stay with her," said Jadwiga. "One of us needs to know what to do."

"Considering I gave you The Talk last year, I would hope you know what to do, even if you are not practised at it," said Helena.

Jadwiga grinned at her.

"You're a lovely sister, and Gryzelda is a lovely mother, and you gave The Talk with a lot more clarity than she did," she said.

"Don't tell me you also had The Talk from your real mother when you visited her, as well?" chuckled Helena. Jadwiga's face went flat, and hard.

"She got married when my sire died, and he didn't want the bastard offspring of a former king around the place," she said. "And my former mother wants a comfortable life with her new family. I only have one mother, and that's Gryzelda."

"I see," said Helena, who was glad that Jadwiga was ready at last to open up about what had kept her closed off for more than a year.

"No problems in Sweden, I hope?" asked Jeremi, of the serious young knight..

"No, sire, the queen has the honour to report... uh, I mean, I have the honour to report that the queen believes herself to be with child at long last."

"So will you be leaving us to be by her side?" asked Jeremi.

"I don't believe so, your majesty," said Longinus. "Serving her majesty has been an... education... but I believe I am sufficiently... educated... to return to Poland where I belong."

"So how likely is the royal baby to have curly hair?" asked Jeremi.

"As likely as to have a Sobieski turned down nose," retorted Longinus. "I'm not averse to doing my duty, but I'm not a stud horse, I want my own family, and I'm not ambitious for foreign titles as a sop towards not having a wedding ring. I wish your majesty had suggested that the queen should marry and keep a consort, who would be ready to agree not to interfere in ruling, it's a very irregular business."

"Yes, but as the queen would as soon have married a queen who could not give her children, the options were limited. It was to keep the peace."

"If I didn't believe that, I would not have gone," said Longinus.

"Thank you for undertaking an onerous duty," said Jeremi, managing to keep a straight face, and wishing that he could not imagine Jurij's face, creased in laughter and dimples popping in and out at the lugubrious knight's quivering outrage.

"Jan Sobieski has returned with me; he's an ambitious young man, and hopes to rise, in your service, beyond what he might do in Sweden."

"Yes, Marek is assured his inheritance, and being part of Krystyna's guard will give him experience of foreign affairs," said Jeremi, with a straight face, of the older Sobieski brother.

oOoOo

Jurko went to inspect the Warszawa contingent of his 'Shovel-Masters;' and paused at their barracks to hear singing. It was one of those songs which have some set verses and which are added to by individuals whilst the rest bawl out the chorus.

"He said that now it's time to drill, I got my sabre out

But he meant an Archimedes drill, to make a water spout

Balls to Prince Jurij, Balls to the Sejm

When you're a shovel-master, life will never more be tame.

Balls to the captain, a toast to the king,

When you're a shovel-master you can master anything!

We had a brawl with some winged hussars, and I was on a charge

I spent three nights in misery, loading onions in a barge

Balls to Prince Jurij, Balls to the Sejm

When you're a shovel-master, life will never more be tame.

Balls to the captain, a toast to the king,

When you're a shovel-master you can master anything!"

The next voice was that of the captain of the unit, Kuryło, who was just as happy to sing balls to himself as to anyone.

The prostitute was pretty, but I was hard at work

So I delved while I was digging, as I didn't want to shirk

Balls to Prince Jurij, Balls to the Sejm

When you're a shovel-master, life will never more be tame.

Balls to the captain, a toast to the king,

When you're a shovel-master you can master anything!

Time for a quickie across the artillery's gun

But it changed the aim for the colonel's tent and now I'd better run

Balls to Prince Jurij, Balls to the Sejm

When you're a shovel-master, life will never more be tame.

Balls to the captain, a toast to the king,

When you're a shovel-master you can master anything!

Jurko strolled into the mess, and lifted his fine baritone.

Here's to Princess Helena, who knows the tools of our trade

Our ataman is a sex god whenever he gets laid.

Balls to Prince Jurij, Balls to the Sejm

When you're a shovel-master, life will never more be tame.

Balls to the captain, a toast to the king,

When you're a shovel-master you can master anything!

There were a few shouts and tailing off during this last chorus.

"Ataman!" cried Kuryło, happily, enfolding Jurko in a bone-crushing hug.

"Breathing an issue," croaked Jurko. "Never mind balls to Prince Jurij, air to Prince Jurij would be welcome."

They all patted him on the back or hugged him, all talking at once.

"Are we at war, yet?" asked Kuryło, hopefully.

"Not yet, my fine pirates, but it'll come," said Jurko.

1 I'm seeing this to the tune of 'Kurdesz' for which I haven't been able to find a satisfactory translation. watch?v=mnZxPE3EkQc