I don't own or profit from Oregairu

My sleep schedule is fucked...again XD

This is my favorite and longest chapter to write so far, as usual author comments at the end, enjoy


Bonhomie

"Ugh, what is this trip?" I grumble in the shotgun seat in Hiratsuka-sensei's car as I groggily stare at the kilometers upon kilometers of highway after noticing we missed completely Japan's national road 14, we are heading out of Chiba.

"Oh just something very youthful you'll remember Hikigaya, that's what this is, now cheer up! If your mood goes any deeper down you'll hit the outer core soon!" my albeit beautiful a pain-in-my-balls teacher responds too excited

"Grrr we are wasting away a precious bridge with this, why couldn't we do this in winter or golden week? Not that I would come willingly either way, but still."

"Well for some reason the school we're helping couldn't do this in summer, and what is this bridge you talk about? I only see mountains and grass."

I met a mexican lad in a site I use to make up for the price of my phone and actually use it for something other than an alarm and clock, we were being anonymously racist and posting shit when we started discussing how shit group projects are, apparently over there they call long weekends 'bridges', it kind of sounds more interesting than just saying I have no classes in monday.

"No matter, what are we doing with other school? If we have to do something too normie-esque you know I am playing hooky."

"And I will hunt you down Hikigaya, the fists of justice will find you wherever you are in the home islands!"

Something tells me she's serious, honestly if Hiratsuka-sensei told me to watch my back I could move to Hokkaido and would still live with constant paranoia and cardiac arrest, guess I have to stay.

"Play some music Hikigaya, I can sense you're about to fall asleep and even I can't shit on Isayama and such a blatant horrendous retcon for that long"

"Ugh alright"

I turn my head back to face Yukinoshita, Totsuka and Komachi (the perpetrator of this simple kidnapping) in the backseats "Oi, you three back there, anything that would make you miserable and wait for death if it started playing?"

Komachi sighs

"Such a gomii-chan way to be considerate, no. Anything you play should be fine onii-chan. Ah! That was worth plenty of Komachi points!"

"No Hachiman, I would like anything you like!"

"You are already aware of what genres I detest Hikigaya-kun, avoid those and play something you would play at the clubroom"

"Uh, I see"

I was watching Sakamichi no Apollon the other day and it landed me on an absolute banger by Chet Baker, as I connected the auxiliary cord to my phone I hit play.

"They're writing songs of love, but not for me

A lucky star's above, but not for me

With love to lead the way

I've found more clouds of gray

Than any Russian play could guarantee

I was a fool to fall and get that way

Heigh-ho! Alas! And also, lack-a-day!

Although I can't dismiss the memory of her kiss

I guess she's not for me"

I get hit in the nape by a teary-eyed Hiratsuka-sensei. No way,did she actually feel like the lyrics related to her? Oof, please someone be a lad and take her already.

"Hikigaya stop that immediately and play some city pop"

"I didn't know you understand english" I rub the back of my head

"But of course I know english Hikigaya, I had to try my luck with tourists in the station once"

Everyone cringes at this statement, but frankly I don't think any of us is surprised at this point.


After we arrive at Chiba village I am immediately met with not one, but two nightmare scenarios. We are going to help kids from PRIMARY school, I am not that bad with kids and horrible at the same time. I was basically tasked with raising Komachi when I was younger, due to the corporate slavery quotas my parents have to pay I had to develop a fatherly side to take care of younger folks.

On the other hand, these little fucking turds are very cruel, I would know, the biggest enemy of a kid is another kid. And I internally laugh at optimistic moralists in the west or wherever that claim that 'hate is a fabrication of the bitter grown ups, that kids don't see color yada yada' well that's not true, most kids take one look at my eyes and immediately think I am here to eat them, they don't wait two minutes to listen to my Demostenes level speeches and monologues, and it has always been that way, kids do hate and they hate hard.

The other bitter shot to gulp is that Hayama and his crew are here, I got to meet some of them in some little errands and monotonous tasks they gave us in the Service club, let's see:

There's Tobe, he's not that bad but he reeks of normie stench, it doesn't help that he's a fucking retard, apparently he's to Hayama what Yuigahama is to Miura.

Speaking of, Miura. I thank the highest heavens I don't have to deal with her on a regular basis. She seems just as annoying and uptight as Yukinoshita, but minus the wits. So just the bitchy parts, not the cool ones, she's pretty yeah but I don't think it'd be worth it even for the most masculine and impressive stud to try his luck. And if I can read correctly between lines and this time I don't need a microscope, I would say she's to Hayama what Yuigahama is to her.

Quite the pyramidal system for 2-F's clique huh? The rest is somewhat weird or not worth it.

Ebina seems normal, but I could swear I've heard some disturbing stuff a tad too loud from her conversations with everyone in their little circle.

Virgin Ooka is an Ooka and he's virgin.

Yamato is well… Yamato, I don't really know anything from those two, I solved their little civil war by putting Tobe on my squad to visit our sparkly and dream job center, but we still ended up going to wherever Hayama intends to become a slave or master, I didn't pay attention. Anyhow, those two and Yuigahama aren't here, and thank my luck for the absence of that last one, even the Rom com gods can show a little bit of compassion by not going the extra mile in awkwardness.

As the kids are still settling down in their designated places and their teachers are having trouble shutting them up Hayama volunteers to talk to them and gives them a little speech about how reliable we (they) are going to be and if they need our (their) help don't hesitate to ask us (them). And some other shit about golden memories and whatever, but I couldn't help noticing a reflection of the exact same thing I lived myself in a little girl that looks…awfully familiar

"Hachiman?" The raven-haired little me asks

"Rumi-Rumi?" my reply seems to annoy here as she turns pink and frowns

"Baka Hachiman! I told you not to call me that!"

As my little disciple follows me I am already aware of the reason why she opted to come in her free time instead of plunging to forge the golden memories Hayama talked about.

"Ah, Rumi-chan! How are you?" Hiratsuka-sensei asks the girl as soon as she recognizes her

"I'm fine" Rumi replies shortly without meeting her gaze

"Hikigaya-kun, who is this little girl and why are you so close to her proximity? I am sure you know it but the poor reception of cellular towers in Chiba village won't obstruct the authorities from capturing you, I am not letting you corrupt a child"

"That's not it goddamn it! I would never do that to Rumi-Rumi, or any little child for that matter, please refrain from projecting your cruelty onto me."

"Rumi-Rumi? Onii-chan I swear to kami, if you got yourself another imouto I will never forgive you, gomii-chan"

"Argh, you are one jealous Komachi" I say as I ruffle her hair, there is no way in hell I abandon you Komachi, please never leave your onii-chan behind!

"So? If you are to be trusted with kids and a 50 meter distance, how do you and Hiratsuka-sensei know this little girl?"

"Well, one time Komachi needed one of our parents to go to her school and sign some things as a responsible for her, but neither of them could make it so I had to step in, and I met Tsurumi Rumi by herself checking Komachi's middle school."

"And one time Hachiman brought Rumi-chan to one of our ancestral ramen outings, he thought Rumi-chan could cheer up with the greatness of an Aka Tonkotsu"

"Hikigaya-kun… you took a primary school student out for ramen and met her in a school that you don't study in… I'm going to call the police now."

"No for fuck's sake. You and Komachi have a talent to distort words, maybe you can become politicians or prosecutors? Rumi-Rumi is like my unrelated daughter or genderbent mini version of me, take whichever option disturbs you the least"

Hiratsuka-sensei slaps my back "Ah no way Hikigaya! Rumi-chan is way too cute to be in any way related to you, even if she was adopted,look at her eyes! They look like that of an actual girl and not that of an imported Huachinango."

"Please don't say something stupid like that again Hachiman" Rumi says as she tugs my shirt

I grumble at this multi direction attack "hmph, Komachi is a Hikigaya and she's cute"

"I see, but Hikigaya-kun I cannot permit you to pass down your rotten beliefs and idiosyncrasy to such a young child, at the very least on this trip I shall step in to raise her as well"

!

A collective gasp and rush of blood to everyone's faces is felt. Woman, did you not process the outrageous thing you just said?! If I didn't know better I would've already ascended to the realm of delusions. Me and Yukinoshita raising Rumi… what a pain.

Ah, to be naive and gullible again, like something of the sorts will ever happen.

"Na Yukinoshita, easy with the pacing there, I can't say I don't see the chemistry when I see you both at each other's throats in the clubroom, but dontcha think it's too early to adopt a kid? You two, ESPECIALLY HIKIGAYA can't get married before I do, I will go full Lelouch on the world if that ever happens"

Yukinoshita tilts her head before going red as a cherry, she starts talking at rapid fire as only now she realize what she indirectly implied

"ButofcourseIdonotmeanitinanywayrelatedtowhatyouareimplyingsensei-" *huge inhale to make up for her stamina* "-NotineonswouldIeverconsidertakingHikigaya-kunasmypartner"

I just sigh as she goes on talking at thrice the normal speed, it'd be cute to see her so flustered if not for the fact that she's giving a whole TED talk speedrun on why I'm literally unmarriable.

"Yeah yeah, someone like you wouldn't or shouldn't associate with me, no need to list me 51 reasons why"

"I don't think I would stop at the fifty first but fine, I'll be easy on you this time"

Well that's that.

...

After meeting with Rumi-Rumi, Hiratsuka-Sensei ordered us to help with orientation, we have to guide the kids in pairs, a group per two of us, it's a long trek, I could use the silence, I hope I get to guide Rumi's group, alienation and exclusion is so common you might say it's a rite of passage for a career loner such as myself, but Rumi very clearly isn't as comfortable as me with the lifestyle we carry.

While Yukinoshita and Hiratsuka may think I am going to turn this girl rotten, it's actually heart wrenching to hear the cold and mean things I heard in elementary directed towards me now being directed towards her, I may have accepted my position in the savage social wasteland, but it doesn't have to be so hard for Tsurumi Rumi. I will see how I can approach this. I can go on about that thing Yukinoshita says often "we do not feed the fish to the starving, rather we teach him to fish". Yes, very nice, if I can manage I will teach some reflexes and witty comebacks to Rumi-Rumi, but my immediate priority is her not getting bullied at the breaking point.

"Oi, come here all of you!" Hiratsuka-sensei summons all 8 of us to decide the pairs

"So I was thinking of going with: Miura and Tobe, Totsuka and Hayama, Hikigaya and Yukinoshi-"

"Hang on sensei, can you please pair me up with Komachi?" as I listen to Komachi and Yukinoshita get disgusted and calling me a siscon behind my back this is actually a strategy, I need a cheery person to distract Rumi's group in order for her to not feel overly self conscious and uncomfortable, two awkward loners such as Yukinoshita and me would turn their whole trail into a silent march to the north, but as soon as we're gone it might as well make it so Rumi lights up a flair and waves a flag calling for the bullies to target her, no go.

Komachi has eyes of fire when he pulls me to the side "What the hell onii-chan?! This is your big chance, I know you want Hachiman points but please, you can't possibly be this dense and stupid. Gomii-chan! Idiot! Hachiman!"

oi, what the hell are you even saying? I came here with a mission, not to be rejected and make an ass of myself in front of… in front of children.

Balls. That could work. If I redirect their attention and focus their attacks on myself and maybe someone else and make Rumi blend into the background she won't be turned into a darts bullseye, but someone as proud as Yukinoshita isn't going to make it. You can only entertain kids so much with having them listen to a girl shit talking a boy, I need someone dumb.

"Anone Hiratsuka-san! I would want to get paired with Totsuka-san, ignore my brother's attachment issues, I am sure getting to know someone a lot better would do marvels to my onii-chan." she says while not so subtly giving me an annoyed expression.

"In that case pair me up with Tobe please" the poor bastard looked like he was ogling Ebina, I am sorry mate, but I need to use us as scapegoats, your drooling can wait.

"Uhhh Alright, so the pairs will be as follows: Hikigaya with Tobe, Miura with Ebina, Komachi-chan with Totsuka and Hayama with Yukinoshita, that cool?"

Miura is visibly upset at this, but honestly I couldn't care less, her drooling can also wait. I also can hear Komachi rambling something about me being a deadbeat and getting doomed to growing old alone, Yukinoshita throws me a saddened and confused look for whichever reason.

"But I am not different, I can also say I hold animosity against his person, I am as integral and resentful as you are, maybe even more."

Ah fuck

She did say she couldn't stand the king of normies, and something about him being her favorite person in the past, well I am sorry Yukinoshita but it had to be done, I'll make it up to you with a can of MAX when we go back to Chiba, if you don't murder me that is.


"Oe Hikitani-bro! Up five!" Tobe pulls his right hand in the air, please don't do that, you'll make me think we're friends. Also that reminds me of my chuuni phase in middle school, I can still remember how I pictured the normies chanting 'Heil Hikigaya!' in that very same pose, stop it.

I give him a Komachi trademark salute but with a lot less energy and try to keep small talk to a minimum. Getting us to escort Rumi-Rumi's group wasn't hard but I need to discern how bad it is in the treatment they give her.

Ok it is pretty bad, they collectively mumble something among one another, turn their heads back to where Rumi is, trudging behind them with a distance of about 5 meters giggle and sport a crap consuming grin, this happens as if it was programmed to do so in intervals of 10 minutes.

How many topics of conversation can you get out of being assholes to a classmate?! It wasn't this bad even with me back in the hellish paramo of primary, but granted, as Yukinoshita constantly suggests, I am forgettable. While Rumi at least physically looks more akin to the aforementioned Ice queen that she does to me, in my case they would just tell me to stay away, call me a froggy fuck and ignore my existence for the rest of the trip, I had it easier.

First battle plan: Before we can send unit 1 to intercept we must use conventional warfare, we'll stay behind the Atsugi and Iruma defense lines.

Not give fish to the starving…

Hmm, I'm going to train Rumi-Rumi in the art of banter. Yukinoshita would most likely be a better suited mentor, but I think I can hold my ground to a sixth grader.

"Oi Ru.. Tsurumi-san"

"Hmm?" she turns to me confused as we somehow agreed to use first names at some point and now I go for the formal approach, I try my very best to communicate telepathically that I don't mean what I'm going to say, but if it fails I think her pride would act up and retort my jabs, she'll be fine.

"Why are you wearing plumber overalls? Got some castle to barge into?"

The conversation in front stops, I can now hear giggling and start feeling self conscious, they are looking at us, even Tobe stopped yelling inarticulately. Rumi's eyes widened and I can see betrayal and hurt in her eyes.

no no no this is not how this is supposed to go goddamn it.

I get a little bit closer and say in a very hushed voice while pointing to my eyes "retorttomedamnit" signaling with my pupils the position of the vanguard group and with my finger I let her know that shitting on my eyes is safe game, of course provided she understood this and didn't see it as gibberish for the deaf-mute.

"o-Oh, with those eyes you can surely spot things" she responds meekly

"Louder" I whisper

"Ah, with those eyes you would know. You are able to spot plumbing equipment, as your natural habitat is among the poop."

Holy shit, young Miss. You have officially graduated from the Yukibanter academy as top in the class. I am proud of her as if she was my actual daughter, I can't conceal my smirk.

The girls in front are shocked but also are shooting us daggers with her eyes

"No way, making fun like that of a disabled guy that's helping us?"

"He's creepy so there's that, but scumrumi shouldn't be that rude to a volunteer"

"Pfft HAHAHAHAH Hikitani-bro! Tsurumi-chan got you good" one could definitely guess with accuracy who said that last thing, Tobe is at least 300 roentgens behind in the toxicity levels coming from those girls, so at least he made fun of me instead of further humiliating Rumi.

Ahh fuck, the first plan backfired horribly. Battle Plan 2: Dummy bait

"Oe Tobe, remember that time in which Miura-san and Yuigahama were fighting in the homeroom? I didn't even say anything and I still got insulted"

"Ah that's right Hikitani-bro! Yumiko-san is sometimes like that, Hina sometimes calls her a Hi-me de re? Something like that, but don't let that discourage you my man!" he wraps his right arm around me and points his finger up

"You need to get more confidence in yourself bro! Yui seems to have the hots for you, and if my suave man detector is right you might also make it with Kawasaki-san! You just have to wash your face, maybe dye your hair orange like mine?"

Tobe you are a good guy, I can now confirm that. But the shit you just suggested is taking up every ounce of restraint I have to not kill you right now.

I hear a softer, more innocent giggling behind me.

"Heheh, you would look like an idiot with orange hair Hachiman."

Heh, I suppose that's true, I wasn't precisely looking forward to actually doing it.

"Girls, she calls him by his given name even after talking trash to his face"

"Do ya think she wants to escape her awful personality with older guys and conform with such a hideous one like this one?"

Oh my fucking god, I never faced kids as cruel as this bunch, what are they? 11-12? Well they are already bitches. My disappointment is actually measurable and it reaches the stratosphere at the sight of Rumi welling tears in her eyes because of such nasty shit, my day is ruined.

"Oi brats! You take that back!"

"H-Hachiman, it's not worth it, le-leave it at that please"

Rumi's voice breaks a little and after that she speeds off to the road, it makes sense since she has a map to the camp, but I can't feel guilty enough, all of this was my fault

"She even got him to defend her, well of course even if they're 5 years apart a girl actually took interest in him, beggars can't be choosers as they say"

Screw it, I'm not dealing with this right now, I have to reach Rumi before something stupid happens, if she gets lost or something and this group of harpys start spreading rumors about her something real bad could take place, just thinking of all the suicides among young people for reasons like this makes me want to throw up, I won't leave it like this, even if I have to take her place in the social guillotine.

"Tobe-bro! Please stay with them and make sure that they arrive safe at the camp, and please don't mention what just happened to your clique or the others!"

Even Tobe the normie can't just ignore the horrible things he just heard, and even though I cringed hard at me calling him 'bro' if he actually helps me help Rumi-Rumi I might as well not hate his guts.

"Ahh sure thing Hikitani-bro! No biggie, I'll stay with them."

Good, I have considerably longer legs than all of these midgets, I can still catch Rumi.


Switch POV: Yukino trudging towards the camp

Preposterous, with honesty and objective estimates, I do not believe there are enough supplies of ibuprofen in Japan to cure my current headache.

If I start going through my thoughts and memories I could have sworn nee-san was bluffing or just having some of her accustomed sick and twisted entertainment when suggesting that Hayama-kun and Hikigaya-kun could be interested in me, now I haven't got a clue over what Hikigaya-kun thinks of my being.

The evidence I back my doubts on are the past weeks after we talked in that bench, not only had he shown himself more distant (if that was possible in a bilateral relation of two almost-strangers that berate each other at every sight of the homologous in the clubroom) but he also tried twice to get himself out of escorting the group of children to the camp in my company.

He has plenty of reasons to not want to be around me, he did mention it was best to finish my assigned-by-staff request at the soonest point possible, as it was more convenient to disassociate with the other, but what was the reason for such a strong posture to push me away? It cannot be mere disdain and reluctance to my progenitor. He admitted to being an antisocial when we first met, but I had thought we had established a comfortable coexistence in the time we had spent in the Service club. If not, what was his reason for bringing his own kitchen utensils for me to use at the clubroom? Or the somewhat frequent diplomatic gifting of that overly sweetened drink he's so fond of.

The Canadian and Danish militaries constantly gift each other whisky and schnapps as a substitute for armed conflict, could it be the same case?

Although I am one fit to cast the first stone (not). Ever since nee-san implied such a ridiculous scenario I did my best to avoid going too deep in personal conversation with Hikigaya-kun, which in Yukinoshita speak it just means I didn't tell him anything, and of course he respected my space, it would have been rather uncomfortable to address such a deluded topic.

And I had the opportunities to display myself indifferent as he has shown himself. With that absurd request from Zaitsu-kun that required us to duel against the club of the united gamers? I have trouble comprehending the logic behind the name of their group. Anyhow, as a consequence for our defeat I happened to witness Hikigaya-kun's… almost bare physiological exterior, which wasn't precisely something to faint for, but I couldn't call it particularly unappealing. And it doesn't help that despite my desperate facade of maturity and assertiveness I have a body full of youthful hormones, moreover, it was quite the toll to deadpan at a flustered seminude Hikigaya-kun.

On the other occasion we were occupied at aiding Totsuka-san in his ability at tennis, all I recall from Hikigaya-kun was him gazing at an ant colony and humming some strange "La-la-la-la

Ba-ba-ri-as, ras-ti-ti-ti-ras-ti-titas"

It was rather stupid, but when Hayama-kun and his lackeys arrived at our site requesting a match I almost lost it, good thing Hikigaya-kun was lost in trance because I don't see myself at that moment capable of dealing with observing and analizing him and Hayama-kun at the same time.

Now, addressing the latter of the two boys, I am afraid Nee-san's calculations seem correct, not only taking into account the recently more frequent approaches and first-contact type of interactions with Hayama-kun I started suspecting the dreadful fact that would amuse Nee-san for days on end.

But this little trail with the primary school kids might as well have confirmed it, Hayama-kun holds feelings for me. And what a tortuous walk it was, what a cheap courtship more than anything.

The kids were all excited to witness what they perceived as two upper class teenagers partaking in a coarse romantic comedy a certain clubmate of mine would snort and giggle at. But I think we can both agree at how unbearably uncomfortable it was, for Hayama-kun clearly cannot surround the topic of his treason and apathetic cut of ties with me in middle school, while I am simply too annoyed and disappointed in this whole ordeal to shoot it down precisely and swiftly, besides the kids were clearly attempting to fill in the position of a collective wingman.

They even tried to leave us alone while they went up ahead, a situation Hayama-kun utilized to try HOLDING MY HAND, if it wasn't me he tried to handhold I would have found myself rolling on the floor at the ridiculousness of it. Hayama Hayato, prince of Sobu High School, probably the most sought after student in our academic institute just after yours truly struggling to compliment me and shaking nervously when extending his hand to me.

I think I did him more of a favor than to me at thinking fast and pointing out we would get in trouble if the group of children arrived at the campsite with us nowhere to be found.

Ugh, I need to rest a little bit, I pride myself in my mental prowess to compensate for my rather deficient physical stamina, but everything's got a limit.

...

Finally, the camp site. Seems like no one else other than my group that arrived earlier and I excused myself on this little monologue travesy with myself is here, the other groups are still to arrive.

Tsurumi-san? Why is she smiling by herself?

I spot the little girl sitting on a miniature hill with the company of no one, grinning at the sight of what appears to be a camera, should I approach? As I get a closer look I see she has puffed and red eyes, she had been crying on the recent note.

"Tsu..rumi-san?" I call out to her hesitantly "Are you alright?"

"Oh? Ah hello Yukinoshita-san, yes I am fine"

"Pardon me for prying, but I can see you are or were under distress, did you get hurt?"

"Ahhh, I-uh… no I didn't" she lies, well Hikigaya-kun wasn't lying when he said this girl resembled a gender swapped miniature him.

"Try to be more assertive and less aggressive, hehe have fun Yukinoshita"

"Tsurumi-san"

"What is it?"

"I understand you appreciate your privacy and whatever it is that troubles you, you might just deem it something to shoulder by yourself. Frankly I am quite similar, I think of myself very capable, and in your shoes I might be even irritated by my insistence. But recently I have been trying to better understand my environment and try to communicate my ideas without being… unnecessarily violent. While I do have a good way with words I sometimes struggle with actually making myself understood."

Tsurumi-san nods at understandment and waits for me to finish

"And I know this comes out of more or less nowhere, but I do see a similarity between you and Hikigaya-kun, I even see some characteristics of mine in you, and even though my relationship with Hikigaya-kun has never really been deep or even close, I do feel somewhat frustrated at my lack of communication with him in the more recent times. Where I'm heading to is that I at least want to offer you a backup more genuine than a generic 'you can tell me anything' from someone that doesn't care one bit."

I get a little embarrassed at the end as I realize how similar that sounded to something that Hikigaya-kun would day in his roundabout approach.

"Hachiman was here with me a little while ago" she says meekly

"D-did Hikigaya-kun hurt you? In that case I take everything I just said back, rest assured, that man will be handed over to the competent authorities." I said with a stone cold face to which she giggles a little

"No, Hachiman actually helped me.." she trails off

"The girls that were in my group were going with our common routine, sometimes making fun of me, to which Hachiman tried twice to divert their attention from me and they started saying some pretty horrible stuff about him, and well… they just went overboard with their usual insults to me." she seems saddened again

"But Hachiman started spreading a rumor of a dead eyed Oni that lurks around these forests to stop everyone from talking bad of me, but it can only delay the inevitable. He went running to the village store and bought me this Pan-san plushie and took a picture with me, look."

She shows me her camera in which she can be seen smiling sincerely albeit still looking like she just finished crying, in her hands is the aforementioned mini-sized plush toy of my beloved Panda bear character, and to her right side is a depressive looking boy with the eyes of a fugu, but trying his best to give an honest grin for the camera.

"My mom… My mom knows of my status in school, and knows I was once as bad as those who mistreat me, so she got me this camera and ordered me to come back with pictures with friends. I was pretty bummed, since I had a feeling this little trip would be painful. I even considered trashing the camera and telling my mom it got stolen, but Hachiman took this picture with me." she says smiling again

Hikigaya-kun…

"Say Tsurumi-san, would you like to take a picture with me? It might cement you as making more mature f-friends, such as yourself. And pardon me for this vulgarity, but we can put it up right to the people that boast about such golden memories, just take a picture with me and remember this trip for the good and the bad."

She smiles and proceeds to take a picture with me positioned at her left side, and after some…thorough insistence she agreed to display the Pan-san available for the camera, I think it's a rather good looking photograph.


I don't think I have experienced real romantic feelings for anybody, most boys and a little sprinkled girls saw me as an olympic medal to compete for and contemplate. But they didn't see me as Yukinoshita Yukino. Hikigaya-kun mentioned when he met me that despite his nonexistent care for the social affairs in our school he had heard about my physical appearance, my academic excellence and the wealth of my family.

How interesting, a boy who had never been face to face with me knew exactly the same about me as the dozens that charged to 'confess'.

And I believe Hayama-kun's so-called feelings can be traced to a similar coordinate. His intentions don't come of real affection to me, but of Guilt.

He has constantly tried to apologize for betraying me from the same situation Tsurumi-san is living in the current day, his cowardice and social status in the wasteland was worth more and he left me to make knives out of stones by myself, yet here I see a cynical and self-perceived selfish loner bulk up the damage to protect Tsurumi-san.

It begs the questions, if I had been saved by either Hayama-kun or Hikigaya-kun, would I have been the same Yukino I am now? Would I have continued to believe that my admiration and closeness with Hayama-kun was affection? Would I have turned out a sighing maiden waiting to be rescued? A dependent Yukino chained to a feeling of gratitude and/or admiration?

Will Tsurumi-san turn weak as soon as Hikigaya-kun leaves her life? Who was the weak one in this comparison? Or were we both in the need to become strong and Hikigaya-kun pushed Tsurumi-san to the race again? For purposes of honesty I cannot discern something like that, but what I can see now is that I just witnessed something I yearned for and wished for with all my being when I was younger.

I am blushing slightly.

"Oe Yukinoshita!" a livid blonde addresses me. Oh marvelous, the other groups are here in the cabin already, just marvelous.

"What is it that I can provide for you Miura-san?"

"Why are you blushing?! What did you do with Hayato!"

Welcome home headache anata! I missed you today, how was the meeting with the executives and the board?

"Oh for all the goodness in the world Miura-san, do you seriously assume I went to the forest to sigh to Hayama-kun while we were surrounded by elementary level kids? And what is worse is that you do so with a serious expression."

"Hah? Are you saying you're too good to spend some quality time with Hayato? And guiding children that is! Do you know how much I would give to instruct young kids besides Hayato? Even school kids if it's too early to think about other situations…" she trails off at the end, I really do not want to have this discussion

"I said no such thing… you know what? I actually did, I would have traded places with you at the first suggestion, although I do pity those poor kids, what are you even going to teach them? Cowardice and superficiality?"

"Listen girl! I hate you so much, but I am restraining myself for the sake of our trip, but this is why no one likes you! You think everyone is inferior to you! Do you have any idea how much that pisses people off?!" Is she tearing up? Well, time to finish this.

"Ara. I did not know you deemed me that high in consideration. But please know that I also hate you and I am ready to face your full emotions of animosity, no need for cheap diplomacy. And if you perceive me that way, could it possibly mean you know yourself as inferior? At least in my run I have yet to find a person that I can call my equal, and by good margins that person isn't Hayama-kun or you."

She started crying and throwing a good variety of curses, with such colourful language she might as well be renamed Guillermo Gonzalez Camarena at influencing this black and white discussion.

I walk away from the cabin to escape such suffocating ambience and head to the forest.

The stars seem particularly beautiful today, without the artificial lighting emanating from the Chiba skyline I can get a good look at the blue firmament above this tranquil space and burn it in my retina

Even though the song 'twinkle twinkle little star' came to mind, what I heard was a catchy tune that one would call 'blast from the past' and immediately recognized this song, even mother liked it.

"You already knew that didn't you?

That the end of our love is in front of our eyes

I'll be waiting for you with my mouth open

Is your heart ready for this?"

Mioko Yamaguchi, such an entrancing voice. I do remember my mother sometimes playing this song in a more relaxed and casual situation, as the second stanza goes by I spot an ahoge very intrinsic of a tuna-eyed cynic sitting with his back leaning on a tree, the music is coming from his phone. I'll scare the living lights out of him.

I discreetly cough and start singing with a perfect timing to the song playing

"If you open the glass window

You'll observe a sea of sweet waves

And everything will melt, including your bonhomie

If the wind blows so hard it can freeze our bodies and minds

We can stay here and forget everything"

I cough again to cover for the now breaking with full force, embarrassment of singing out loud I open my eyes, if I was to bet on the reliability of my eyesight I could assure that Hikigaya-kun's pupils are dilated as I caught him completely off guard.

"Yuki…noshita?" she mutters

"Yes that's correct Hikigaya-kun, you are not under the influence of any stimulant drug"

He scoffs "As if I would see you in that case, I was actually scared to have somehow teleported to the 9th circle of christian hell" he responds and pauses the song playing from his cellphone.

"Is that so? Wouldn't it be scarier to be faced with an Oni in the middle of the night? Are you here to drag me to the underworld?"

His eyes widen "You heard my little story"

"That I did, it's not a bad one, but I also heard some very harsh things about one of the volunteers helping Tsurumi-san's group and Tsurumi-san herself. I do praise your quick thinking and creative storytelling. Sadly they can't completely eclipse the more crude rumors slowly picking up pace"

"Primary school kids are no different than people our age"

"We are still human after all"

He scoffs again " I love the song of the mockingbird,bird of four hundred voices.I love the color of jade and the drowsy perfume of flowers, but you know what I hate?I hate my brother men."

"That's a rather peculiar deviation to Nezahualcoyotl's original poem" I say with a little grin

"No way, is there anything you don't know Yukinoshita? For once I would like to dispense some knowledge unknown to you and your Yukipedia."

"Well, recently I got to explore Mexican and Russian literature as something different to the usual Japanese and Western timeless works, plus that one poem is the 100 MXN note, it's not that hidden."

"I have never held foreign money, not even a dollar."

"Well, one time my family took me to Tokyo to… let's say they wanted my sister and my father to eulogize other young elites and make the name Yukinoshita a more known concept among the capital's powerful, so while my family was busy…massaging footwear with their facetious mouth muscles. I was given freedom to explore the area, and the embassy of Mexico wasn't that far from the Prime minister's residence. I spent the day there and they gave me a bill as a memento."

"Well that's a rather nice adventure, I read the poem by befriending a nationalist shitposter that couldn't stop spamming the number '201' after he saw the little japanese flag besides my anonymous number"

We both laugh at this little exchange

"It's not over, as you said Rumi is still at the noose of those girl's cruelty, I tasked Tobe to do and say dumb stuff to try and distract them a little, and my story seemed to delay shit hitting the fan, but there's still a full day of this thing, I have to think of something." he says with a grim expression.

"Hikigaya-kun"

"Hmm?"

"Can I help? Can we take this as an informal request for the service club"

"I mean, sure but I'm just going to disclose that my plan involved traumatizing some girls with psychological pissfarting, you wanna get involved in that?"

"But of course, I can't stand idly by as you score yourself a point in Hiratsuka-sensei's match"

He lets out a stealthy grin and we stay in silence for a while

"So why are you here? With how much you sleep at active hours for a normal human being I would think you would be deep into pillow territory at this ungodly hour"

"That's fair, but the guys were asking questions to each other that would want to make me die if I stayed, I really couldn't care less about those guys' secrets, if I survived primary and secondary school excluded of the gossip graphs I don't see a reason to stick around now"

"My case wasn't that different, Miura-san confronted me over Hayama-kun and spouted metric tons of nonsense and migraine inducing accusations" Hikigaya looks bitter at my statement

"Hayama huh? He did say something about you before I could bail, when you told me some vague thing about you two in the past it kind of makes sen… shit, forget what I just said, it wasn't my intention to listen to that as I was figuring out how to leave the cabin, and definitely not my place to tell you." he says nervously backing from what he started

"No, Hikigaya-kun. Now you tell me of what you heard" I say with my cold and hostile tone

"No can do, I vowed to not involve myself in normie tomfuckery all the way back, Rom-com situations are not for me."

"Then what about you speaking all high and mighty about misspeaking to someone's face?" now I am getting mad

"Goddamn it, I'm just gonna say he wasn't talking shit about you, but the context and content is in no way my jurisdiction, the loner bushido code forbids me from engaging in youthful time wasting like this."

"I see, goodnight Hikigaya-kun" He's too stubborn to tell me, more ambiguous material to compare in Nee-san's hypothesis.

"Ahhh w-wait! Don't go!"

Huh?

"I-I mean, you surprised me with your singing, do-do you want to listen to some more songs that came to my knowledge courtesy of Hiratsuka's extensive years of experience?"

It's hard to see in the darkness of the night, but the stars show me he's flustered while offering me an earphone piece, I didn't think this would ever pass through my mind, but he looks rather cute at his mixture of self-consciousness and relaxation.

We are now sitting sideways as I put his right earphone in my ear and he puts the left one in his.

I focus on the firmament above again as Merry Christmas by Chieri Ito starts playing.

"Spending the day waiting for the snowflakes to fall

Spending the day with you was better than spending it with anyone else

Starting tomorrow, there's no way something will change suddenly, but

I want to pray for it this Holy night


The next day way went slowly, we had time to leisure around the river, reheat the curry we made yesterday for the children and dress up as different monsters and entities for the courage trial the kids will face today,I got to witness how adorable Hikigaya-san's cat lady costume was, the strange thing is I didn't see her brother for all day, not even at breakfast. His partner Tobe-san and Totsuka-san also weren't aware of his whereabouts but said he left a note for the other member of the service club, so me.

It just had instructions for me to arrange Tsurumi-san's group departure and route during later tonight's event, so the psychological torture he mentioned was under work. How degrading to conform to following Hikigaya-kun's directions and orders but I suppose I will have to trust he can handle the state of affairs correctly in a way Tsurumi-san isn't affected negatively.

The whole group took a break before the last group got sent to Hikigaya-kun's ambush

"Oe guys! Teamback! Teamback!" Tobe-san called us to discuss strategy while uncomfortably wrapping everyone's shoulders together, I had to squish between the younger Hikigaya and Ebina-san

"This last group is kinda tricky" The orange haired boy continued

"What do you mean Tobecchi?" the black haired girl besides me asks

"Well when Hikitani-bro and me were guiding them thru the woods they were kind of, mean, too mean for their age"

"Where is Hikio by the way? I haven't seen him all day" Miura-san throws the question to the air and is catched by Komachi Hikigaya, who sighs with disappointment.

"Grrr my onii-chan is probably too lazy to work with us or he's hurt that a bunch of sixth graders trashed him, cut him some slack"

"Really? He's bailing on us even though it was his club that was responsible for this whole thing?, that weirdo"

"Do you know where Hikitani-kun could be Yukino?" Hayama-kun asks me sparking the shock and outrage of Miura by his use of my given name, ugh please not now with this

"Hachiman said in the morning he was busy with some things, but he said he'd make it in time for the trial of courage" Totsuka-san saves me from the line of fire, I can now see why Hikigaya-kun and Zaitsu-kun look so hypnotized whenever he's in observing distance

"Yup, he bailed. Stupid lazy gomii-chan" we can hear grumbling so the group arrives at the conclusion that Hikigaya-kun abandoned post, not unlikely to assume if they didn't know of what's to come.

I have been discreetly following Tsurumi-san's caravan in my snow woman attire, they have gotten surprised with mild jumpscares and other silly tropes characteristic of these events at their age, but what I can see is neither Hikigaya-kun or Tobe-san were exaggerating, I can see a reincarnation of the people who attacked and abused me in middle school now harassing Tsurumi-san.

"Girls, do ya think we will see a monster as ugly as scum-rumi? Heeheeheeh"

"Right? I don't think that's even possible"

We are human after all, the weak is weak because it's so easy to submit yourself to those that can easily appear strong, yet this actions, this attitudes are something so lowly that-

"Yes, yes it's possible and you will see one, it is I, greetings" a familiar voice breaks away my shinkansen of resentful thoughts.

The voice comes from a silhouette with a distinguishable ahoge, but I am having trouble discerning why Hikigaya-kun has his face painted red white and black and has some fake horns near his ahoge

"I am Onigaya Hachiman the terrible, I am Hachiman-no Kami's homologous in the underworld, and I am only summoned when I spot rotten and cruel souls to conscript for my army"

"Hear that Scum-Rumi? You are going to war! Have a safe trip!"

"No. YOU are going to war, your stench is undistinguishable, you REEK of malice and bad deeds, like why do you even bother reading teenage magazines of shampoo and perfume choices, you'll still have this foul smell of the shitty persons you are"

The girls are in shock, they are just about to enter the age of maximized superficiality and start caring about their femininity and their image will weigh more to them, what Hikigaya-kun just told them must have felt like a professional Aikido move

"W-what are you saying?! You can't say that stuff to us!"

"I don't give two shits, however I count one..two..three, five shits here, perfect. I needed to fill in exactly five positions in my army of monsters and plagues that hit the land"

"B-but we're 6, what about Tsurumi?"

"Oh, so you catch up quickly, or better yet. You were fucking aware of the pieces of scum you 5 are. What about her? Let's see... she can't join my army, she's weak."

To this Tsurumi-san looks at the floor, sad at Hikigaya-kun's words

"But she's kind, she's smart, she doesn't have to force herself to forge those golden memories to exude bonhomie, in words you dumbfucks can comprehend, she's not like you. She's a good girl, not a fake nice bitch like you sell yourselves to your peers while you mistreat a classmate horribly. I have no use for people like her in my legions, you five are perfect for the demon horde."

"Y-you are the one who was walking with us! The disabled one that was all chummy with her! You have the same eyes"

"That is correct, my human name is Hikigaya Hachiman, clever for me to change Oni for Hiki right?"

"You sent your older boyfriend to yell at us?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU SCUMRUMI?"

"YOU. YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO YOUR COMMANDER." Hikigaya-kun raised his voice and shot the girl a glare so dead and cold even I felt uneasy at witnessing, needless to say the girls immediately settled down and bent their heads down at this sight.

"Like I already said, I didn't come to this camp for her, I followed your group yesterday because of the trail of misdeeds you left behind. Five of you punks together is like shooting red smoke in the air for us recruiters to come. The human girl you know as Tsurumi-Rumi isn't like me, that's why it was so entertaining to have a conversation with someone on the other side of the spectrum, you on the other hand are perfect, because you're like me."

"H-huh?" the already shell shocked girls now are completely dumbfounded

"Yes that's right, you have more in common with me, the hideous asshole with dead eyes than you have with Rumi, as the commander of the underworld legions I am a career veteran of talking shit behind people's back, spreading negativity and being a sack of shit to people for no reasons, AND BOY DO I LOVE FINDING FRESH SHITHEADS FOR THE RANKS OF MY ARMY THAT MATCH THIS PROFILE." he points at the five girls "People like us aren't rare, in fact the majority of humans might do very well in my army, but finding such undiluted trash like you and me is something you don't see on the daily basis. Now come on! Boot camp starts shortly!"

"W-we WE ARE GOING TO REPORT YOU!"

"Ooh Mutually Assured Destruction? I love these! Be my guest, Hikigaya Hachiman from Sobu High School, class 2-F, student number 12380. But remember, if I go down I have a little tip for your teachers and peers on account of bullying, talking behind your other classmate's back and defamation. All of these are very serious offenses, you know?

Some minor Onis task was to drag people down to the underworld. Do you want us to drag each other to the mud? I say we do so, your entire school will see the pieces of shit you are and there will be no hiding or smokescreen to protect you. I'll make sure that this information passes to the student body and not just the teacher's staff. How does having your political and social head chopped off and switching positions with Rumi sound?"

The girls break and run away crying

"Remember brats! I can follow your stench, should you continue mistreating Rumi I will come to recruit you sooner or later!"

I am speechless. When he said he wanted to get Tsurumi-san out of the noose I did not foresee he would put himself in the noose, whatever I just witnessed just now was an efficient way of putting himself in front of Tsurumi-san in case the attacks don't cease, but I don't like how he exposed himself so much, no matter how much of a deterrence and possible mental trauma he inflicted on the girls, this was something big. There is no way word of this doesn't get out and comes to haunt him.

"Hachimann!" Tsurumi-san runs up to the service club resident Kamikaze pilot and wraps her little arms around him

"Hachiman! Y-you didn't have to go that far for me! What if now the guys from your school say nasty things to you?!" the little girl says while holding back tears

"Heh, this was a trial of courage, no? They just failed, if I can count correctly you were the bravest of them all" he says while ruffling her hair

"Idiot Hachiman" she says

"I agree. I read that Les Miserables the musical is coming back to Japan next summer. I suggest you take the opportunity to present yourself at the auditions, they might just cast you with that talent." I say while I show myself from behind the treeline.

"Heh, I just had to remember real hard my speech patterns during my chuuni-phase, and everything I said was true, so it wasn't that hard"

Everything he said is true?

"The human girl you know as Tsurumi-Rumi isn't like me, that's why it was so entertaining to have a conversation with someone on the other side of the spectrum, you on the other hand are perfect, because you're like me."

"You were fucking aware of the pieces of scum you 5 are."

"People like us aren't rare, in fact the majority of humans might do very well in my army, but finding such undiluted trash like you and me is something you don't see on the daily basis."

"Hikigaya-kun"

"Hmm?"

"Please refrain from pulling these kinds of solutions that you might regret in the future, it can't be good for your person"

"Yeah, well I needed to think in a solid solving to Rumi-Rumi's problem, I couldn't stand and watch how they picked up on her like that"

"Again calling me that? Kimoi. But thank you Hachiman, really thank you" Tsurumi-san berates him but she's filled with gratitude, I wonder if that's how I would have reacted if Hayama-kun saved me back then, would I have been able to appreciate self-sacrifice in order to rid myself of the harassment?

No, just thinking of the judgement and insults Hikigaya-kun will receive once the people in the cabins find out makes my head hurt already.

"Regardless Hikigaya-kun, please don't tarnish the reputation of the Service club, you are our president after all" I say in a neutral worried tone.

"Hehe don't worry Yukinoshita, I am no stranger to my decisions coming back to bite me in the ass. I would pat your head but I already got one little me here to console… wait no!"

Both Tsurumi-san and I start laughing gently to Hikigaya-kun's furiously blushed cheeks and stuttering mess he's left with trying to cover up for his slip up


In short words, what I predicted to happen, happened, his method worked as the girls were too affected by the reality and self awareness-check Hikigaya-kun provided them with to report him to the schools or to keep harassing Tsurumi-san. We were in a school-activity designated area, and multiple people could hear when Hikigaya-kun openly insulted primary school girls. Fortunately they didn't catch on when he yelled out his personal information, otherwise I would be the sole member of the Service club and class 2-F would have one less student by now. But they could still see he was dressed as and painted as an Oni, and when we were going back to the starting point, he encountered almost face first with his sister, Totsuka-san and Hayama's clique. And from what I've heard of Totsuka-san, now the whole class knows Hikigaya-kun frantically insulted a group of children.

Good thing we aren't back in Chiba yet, but I dread what will school be for him when we go back to Sobu.

"Ahh Yukino-chan you're back!"

Immediately after getting off Hiratsuka-sensei's rental van I found myself ambushed by a force of nature for which unfortunately Japan hasn't developed an early warning system, Nee-san.

"Nee-san it's a free monday, please not now"

"Oh? But I missed my adorable little sister so freakin' much!" if she was real in any way I would daresay that Nee-san is an even bigger siscon than Hikigaya-kun, but I can see through it.

As I rub my temples she speaks again "You know, while you were in an adventure in the countryside, the little birdies of Chiba found out something interesting done by the depressed blue prince that deflects incoming stray dogs!"

Oh no, she already knows

"Ahh but the blue prince is here! Hello Hikigaya-kun! how are you?"

"Ugh, leave me alone Yukinoshita-san"

"Mou!" she fake pouts

"I told you to call me Haruno-nee the other day! I will not conform with any other form of addressing your beautiful onee-san"

"Uhhh so Yukinoshita-san, I am going home now"

She slithers her arms to Hikigaya-kun's right arm. I've seen this film before.

"Not so fast O-Ni-Ga-Ya-Kun" she says playfully while putting her face near his neck, both of our expressions drop in that instant.

"Soo? I found out you like being a mat for people to wipe the mud of their boots huh? Will you be a mat for Yukino-chan?"


The 51 reasons trope is a reference to 'Fifty first memories' by ColdDecemberNight, mate your story was beautiful but it felt like drinking acid, your story hurt me, but it was great.

Yes, I know I overused the Attack On Titan references in this story, but t'is the season, until I see those outrageous panels animated I will keep coping and seething, fuck Isayama.