A/N: Mike, yes, I did hear that podcast and have always looked for a place to use that line. This fic, we found it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck
The camera opens up to a shot of the interview chair again. Carina, smirking as usual, walks over to the chair, and sits down.
The producer speaks. "Don't you look lovely?"
"Why thank you," Carina purrs. A happy grunt is heard off camera. "Let me guess, you want to know how I met Chuckles? It started with Zondra. I was doing a fashion shoot in LA, and went to a bar one night. There was Zondra waiting tables." Carina paused, tilted her head and looked directly at the producer. "You know how some people just have this presence about them? That's Zondra."
Carina snorted and continued. "So here's this curly-headed, tall, lanky guy sitting in the corner both, and watching her every move. Zondra would look over at him and give him a glare, and he just kept watching her."
The producer speaks. "Wait, this is Chuck?"
Carina laughs and nods. "So this goes on for a few minutes and eventually Zondra goes over to his table and they have some words. I couldn't make out what they were, but it was obvious it was a heated discussion. I had been at a shoot all day, and was tired. I never care what two people do, but it looked like he was hitting on her, or was a jealous boyfriend, or some sleaze, so when she walked away, I went over to him and sat down across from him."
Carina doubled over in laughter for a moment, and when she got her composure back, she continued. "Soooo, I ask him why is he bothering the server, and he says, 'Who, Z?' Now at this point I have no idea what is actually going on. I lay into him. I am going on and on about men like him not respecting boundaries, when suddenly Zondra is there beside me."
Carina begins to burst out laughing again. After a few seconds, she wipes at her eyes and continues. "Zondra asks what I'm doing and I tell her I'm putting her stalker in his place. She just looks at me, stunned. She doesn't say anything, glances over at Curls, and then just BURSTS out laughing."
Carina has a few chuckles, takes a deep breath and continues. "So, she goes on to tell me that this is her best friend, and he's there tonight to be supportive, because a cute guy keeps coming in she wants to ask out."
The producer bursts out laughing at the story. "So you're saying Chuck was just being a friend, and you thought the very worst of the situation?"
"That's exactly right, and I felt awful." Carina grinned. "So I went over and told the guy all about Zondra, who I hardly knew but…" she shrugged.
The producer speaks. "So did they go out?"
"No," Carina replied, laughing. "He was gay!"
}o{
"Please do not do this," Chuck pleaded, looking straight down at the equipment in front of him and not toward the window that separated him from the two women.
"What? It's important to talk about," Carina argued.
"I mean," Chuck began.
"Men are being body shamed, and it's not right," Carina said. Zondra was near tears trying to hold in the laughter. "All they ever hear about is when it's too small or micro or all that stuff." Chuck went red. "And listen, if you're out there for a good time, and want something a little bigger, fine, but it's like boobs."
"Oh, Jesus," Chuck muttered, his hands now covering his face.
"Even if they're small, they do the job," Carina said with her head going back and forth, a smile on her face.
"But, to be fair, men are always saying how they prefer bigger boobs," Zondra began.
"Well, not all, but yes, that seems to be what is vocalized," Carina interjected.
"Point," Zondra conceded. "What we're saying, Chuck, is if a woman really cares about you, and the person you are…width, girth-"
"I'm in hell, literal hell," Chuck muttered.
"None of it matters," Zondra finished. "I mean…" Zondra trailed off, laughing.
"You're doing the exact opposite of what Carina was arguing about!" Chuck yelled.
"Chuck, this entire segment was all about seeing how red we could make you turn," Carina admitted. "Now, read our sponsor bit."
"This segment was brought to you by…Oh my God," Chuck muttered, glaring at the two women who were laughing uproariously. He cleared his throat and read it as professionally as he could. "This segment was brought to you by Sheets and Giggles and their amazing eucalyptus sheets." He paused, grinned, and continued. "Remember ladies, if he's in the sheets, you shouldn't giggle." Zondra and Carina nearly fell out of their chairs with laughter.
}o{
Sarah rolled her neck, and groaned as it popped in four different spots. She looked back at the screen she had been studying and rubbed her neck. She was studying the financial's on the spreadsheet in front of her and she thought her eyes might cross.
"I guess those university classes were worth it after all," she grumbled. The money would work for the future project. All she had to do was make the current one, Life after 35, a success. And, she knew that would happen if she could just get Zondra to say yes. Her phone buzzed, making her reach for it. She took a look at the screen and grinned. Speak of the devil.
We can go anywhere for this meeting? The text read.
Anywhere. Sarah paused before she hit send and added one more part. I bet I already know where it is you want to go.
I bet you do too. Came the reply. Sarah smiled. Zondra had done the hard part, she had picked the perfect place for them to eat, fall into a food coma, and in that state Sarah was sure she could convince her friend that she was perfect for the job. Zondra had to be perfect. Sarah was betting everything on it.
}o{
"Mmmmmm," Sarah groaned, biting down on the fresh-melt-in-your-mouth, breadstick. The two had met at a hole in the wall Italian restaurant they had discovered several years ago. Paul's was a great place, that wasn't visited by any celebrities that they knew of, and a perfect place to get away and not have any press near by.
"You need a minute over there? Cole been gone that long?" Sarah laughed at the first comment, but the second quickly sobered her up. "Sorry," Zondra said quickly, feeling chastised.
"No, no, you did nothing wrong," Sarah said, reaching over and lying her hand on her friend's arm. "More of me being irritated that it took me two years to realize what we were."
"Dare I ask?" Zondra asked, worry on her face.
"He thought we were a celebrity couple," Sarah told Zondra. "When we were both not working at the same time, we could be a couple. When one of us was working…" Sarah shrugged, clear annoyance on her face.
"Wait," Zondra said, getting a little irritated at Cole. "You telling me that sonofabitch was cheating on you?"
"According to him he couldn't have been cheating on me because we had an understanding," Sarah replied, leaning back in her chair, irritation on her face, her arms crossed. "Problem was, I didn't understand that there was an understanding. And I didn't want a relationship with an understanding, I wanted us both in the relationship." Sarah shook her head. "But, considering I didn't push too hard when he was busy…" she trailed off.
"Please don't take this the wrong way," Zondra began.
"My job always came first," Sarah said, picking up her glass of wine and taking a drink. "I know. I know."
"Sarah, it's not a bad thing."
"It's not…until it is," Sarah said, giving Zondra a knowing look.
"Yeah, you're right," Zondra agreed. "Do you miss him?"
Sarah snorted derisively. "No," Sarah replied, shaking her head. "Let's not kid ourselves, I'm mostly pissed because I feel like he took advantage of me and our relationship…whatever it was, but to be upset because he was Mr. Right…" she snorted again.
"Soooo…are you looking for Mr. Right?" Zondra asked grinning.
"I mean…yeah, but…how am I going to find him? I'm working harder than ever," Sarah said shaking her head. She gave her friend a look.
"What?" Zondra asked. Sarah looked away, twisting her lips. "Sarah, it's me."
Sarah turned back to Zondra. "Okay, serious question, you and that guy you work with…"
"Who?" Zondra asked, racking her brain. "Bryce? You want to date him?"
"The guy that does the sports show?" Sarah replied. Zondra nodded. "No." Sarah was shaking her head. "The one on your show that you laugh with all the time, are you telling me you two have never done anything?"
"Chuck," Zondra said with a grin. "No, we never have. There was a night in college we kissed. It was nice. I think we'd of enjoyed it, and I know he would have been good, but…we're too close in other ways to screw that up. We mean to much to each other. I don't love him in that way. I do love him, just not…that way."
"He seems kind," Sarah said, shrugging again. "I don't know, it just seems like in this business if you are kind, it eats you alive."
"Wait…do you want to go out with Chuck, because if you do, it could be…a bit awkward." Zondra started to laugh.
"He doesn't like me?" Sarah asked. Zondra laughed even harder. "Oh, God, is he a creep in real life?"
"What? No!" Zondra replied, tears running down her face from laughing so hard. "Sweetie, it would be a little awkward because….well…he's…he's very impressed by you."
"So…he's one of those," Sarah said with disdain in her voice. "Figures," she muttered, looking down at her plate.
"Sar, you completely misunderstand," Zondra said, lying her hand on Sarah's. Sarah looked up at her. "This guy is so impressed with your willingness to put in the work. He is impressed with your family, how they moved so you wouldn't be born into Communism. How badass you are."
Sarah was stunned by what she heard. "Wait, that's not an act or a bit for the show?"
"God, no!" Zondra said, laughing again. "Chuck Bartowski is real. Too damn real for his own good if I'm honest." Sarah grinned at that. "Man, I wish he could hear this, he would lose his damn mind and what little chill he has if he knew you even knew he existed."
"I wish people wouldn't do that," Sarah said, a look of sadness on her face. "I'm a person just like anyone else."
"Sarah, the admiration Chuck has for you, it has NOTHING to do with you being a star, he just thinks you're cool," Zondra told her. "The stardom, the action movies…that's just extra that makes him even more impressed." Zondra grinned. "He's a real one, Sar. He likes people for who they are, not for the character they play on TV."
"Watch out for him," Sarah said, shocked at the tone in her own voice, hearing how important what she was saying was to her. "There's not that many good people in the world any more, and he seems to be one. Protect him."
Zondra grinned. "I absolutely do, and so does Carina."
"Carina? The same Carina I know. The same Carina you do your podcast with? That Carina?"
"Does that tell you how real he is?" Sarah let out a low whistle. "Interested in him?" Sarah shrugged, but had a shy smile on her face. Zondra knew that look. That was the look Sarah had when she was completely vulnerable. That was the look when she was trying to figure something out and she wasn't sure. Zondra decided to change the subject. "So, let's talk about why you invited me here to have a food coma and try and get me agree to do something with you. What is it?"
Sarah had an impish grin on her face. "You know me too well." Zondra shrugged, pleased with herself. "We're making a sitcom for Netflix. It's a half-hour comedy and we're…I'm wanting you to be the star."
"Me?" Zondra asked.
"I know you can do it," Sarah said, leaning in, and taking both of Zondra's hands in hers. Zondra was a little surprised with her. "And trust me, you're gonna get paid what you're worth, okay?" Zondra nodded, grinning. "So, what's it going to take for me to get you away from Chuck?"
Zondra grinned at Sarah. "I actually don't have a contract with him, just a handshake agreement." Sarah's mouth dropped. "He's real, Sarah."
"Seriously, protect him," Sarah said, with sincerity.
"So, a normal shooting schedule of a sitcom?" Sarah nodded, grinning. "Oh my God, I get to have a life outside of the show!" Sarah laughed. "And I could shoot the podcast one night or on the weekend, this is gonna be amazing!"
"So you're in?" Sarah asked.
"Sarah, you gave me my big break into movies, and if you think I can headline this show, then of course I'm in." Sarah smiled. "How's your production team?"
"I'm having to build it from the ground up," Sarah told her. Zondra grinned. "What?"
"Maybe I know someone that can help us," she said. Sarah shook her head at Zondra. "He's not that busy, in fact, Lou says he gets in the way at the office."
"Zondra, don't try and set me up with him, I'm too busy," Sarah pleaded. "He deserves someone who can be there for him, and me…in this life…I mean, I want this show to work and not to get messy because of off-camera drama."
"I'm not, I'm literally trying to get the guy I trust to work with us to make sure we get the best."
Sarah grinned. "So, should I call him?" Zondra shook her head, the grin about to split her face. "Zondra…what are you doing to him?"
"Tormenting him the way he would expect me to," Zondra said. "We'll deal with Captain Curls later, now…how much am I making?" Sarah laughed. Reached into her pocket, pulled out a folded piece of paper, and pushed it over to Zondra. Sarah took a sip of her drink as Zondra's eyes went wide. "Per episode!?" Sarah nodded. "I'm in." Sarah did a victory dance inside.
A/N: Next time
Chuck rushed over and took it, not thinking at all about the fact that hand was attached to Sarah Walker, or that she just showed him the injury. It was mostly healed, but he could see the faint traces of the skin, where it had bitten her. "Did it get infected or anything?" Chuck asked, looking up at her, still holding her hand gently. "My sister and brother-in-law are doctors and they can look at it if you want them too."
"Chuck, she has access to medical care, buddy," Zondra told him gently. Chuck nodded, and winced a little at Sarah. Sarah grinned at him. "What she doesn't have access is to her hand right now." She looked pointedly at Sarah's hand still held gently by Chuck.
Ah….they meet. See you soon.