A/N: Just a note, Chuck's anxiety in this story, is clinical diagnosed anxiety. The kind you do need meds for, daily meds. Going off of those meds can screw with your life so hard. Some of what you are about to hear in this chapter and he's dealing with…well, I know it…intimately.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

The camera focuses on Sarah in the interview chair. She is sitting there, a grin on her face. She gives a one arm shrug and chuckles.

}o{

Sarah walked across the beach, her eyes locked on the man sitting in the sand, his knees bent, his arms wrapped around them, staring at the ocean as it crashed onto the shore. She could feel the emotions radiating off of him. Shame, anxiety, frustration…she knew she had to fix this. "Anyone sitting here?" she asked, gesturing at the spot beside him.

It was all she could do not to laugh at the look on his face. The shock that was there…him trying to work his jaw but no noises were coming out. "No," he finally blurted out. "I mean, yes…I mean…it's a public free beach, and you can sit anywhere you like." He dropped his head. "Jesus," he muttered.

She couldn't help but giggle as she sat down beside him. She sat cross-legged beside him, a warm smile on her face. She wasn't sure what it was about this man that made her feel like she did, but she liked that feeling. "Are you okay?" she asked sincerely.

Again, a look of surprise covered his face, but he made a face that seemed to suggest, "no big deal." "Pffft," he said, waving a hand. "I'm fine."

"Oh," Sarah replied, nodding, looking out over the waves crashing into the sand. "Good," she chirped. "I mean, it was all I could do to not storm out of the office, and find someplace to go to just cool off." She shrugged and looked over at Chuck. "And, I don't have diagnosed anxiety."

"How'd you know I have anxiety?" Chuck blurted out. He clamped his lips shut, realizing if she didn't know he did, she did now.

"Because I listen to a certain podcast," Sarah replied in a low voice, like she was telling him a secret. "I find that the host is extremely open, and vulnerable, and honest. I will admit for a long time, I had to believe it was an act, because no one could be that real."

Chuck sat there, stunned. Sarah locked eyes with him. "However, in the past few days, I am ashamed that I ever thought that because what I have learned is he is an amazing man who is just as honest in real life as he is on the podcast."

Chuck couldn't say anything, he just turned and looked at the ocean, crashing against the sand. "What's it like?" she asked softly. He turned back to her. "What's it like to have one of those attacks?"

"You know when you're scared and you get that surge of adrenalin?" Chuck asked her. Sarah nodded. "That's what an attack feels like. You're just sitting there minding your own business and suddenly your fight or flight response has kicked in and you're ready to go, but there's no reason to. There's nothing to run from…nothing to fight…except your mind."

"How long do they last?"

Chuck shrugged. "If I'm lucky, five minutes. But usually when I have them…a few hours."

"Jesus," Sarah whispered.

"But as bad as that is, that's not as bad as what anxiety does to me daily," Chuck added. "My mind is always giving me the worst possible scenarios in any situation. Like when I left, my mind said I was fired, barred from Hollywood, and Zondra would never talk to me again."

"You do know all of that stuff is not true?" Sarah asked. Chuck nodded. "But, I thought you were on medicine to control it?"

"So, anxiety is like the worst bully in the world always taunting you, telling you the worst possible outcome of any situation," Chuck explained. "The medicine simply turns down the volume. If the medicine is too high, you don't hear the voice, but you're also basically high. You're so mellow you just can't function as a human being, and…there are some side effects."

"Side effects?" Sarah asked.

"Sure, you know it can mess with your stomach, it can give you headaches, you can feel a shock in your right nipple." Sarah burst out laughing. After a second she sobered, and saw his face.

"You're not joking," she said. Chuck shook his head.

"My original medicine, if I went for a walk of more than about a half a mile, I would pour sweat every where, and I would feel an electric shock in my right nipple…not my left…but my right." He was silent for a moment. "And there are….other side effects."

Sarah was silent for a second. "Sexual?" Chuck puffed out his cheeks, pressed his lips together, raised his eyebrows, and nodded. "Jesus."

"When the medicine works right, the voices are down to a whisper," Chuck told her. "And hopefully there are no side effects, or at least they are minimum."

"Okay, no judgments, but what are we talking about? You have the want to have sex with everyone you see? No sex drive?"

Chuck couldn't help but laugh. "No, nothing like that," Chuck replied. He was silent a moment. "Trying to think how to put this delicately. Call it the opposite of an ED pill." Sarah's eyes widened. "You lose a little…uh…."

"It's hard to become completely aroused?" Sarah offered.

"THAT!" Chuck told her, snapping his fingers. "And, it's hard to stay that way…no pun intended." Sarah couldn't help but laugh. "And…it takes a while to get there."

Sarah was silent for a second. "You know…there are times that wouldn't be the worst thing." Chuck burst out in laughter. "Did that have anything to do with you and Kayla?" Chuck went silent. "Sorry, that is none of my business."

"No, no," Chuck disagreed. "I've often wondered, and maybe…it was, but not that she knew." Sarah gave him a confused look. "I never told her all of what I just told you."

"Chuck, she was your girlfriend," Sarah pointed out. Chuck gave her a look, and she shook her head. "Okay, YOU thought she was."

"I did," Chuck nodded. "But maybe I knew she wasn't at the same time." Sarah was silent and Chuck shrugged. "She never asked about my anxiety or meds. She never seemed concerned about it…" He was silent for a second and then admitted something that had been weighing on him. "Maybe I didn't really trust her, but if I didn't say anything, things would have been fine, or at least that was what I was trying to believe."

"God, I understand that," Sarah groused. "I knew Cole wasn't Mr. Right, but at the same time he wasn't Mr. Wrong…except he was, but as long as I didn't look to hard, everything was fine."

"Exactly," Chuck replied, nodding. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened back at the studio, and if you need to fire me, I understand."

Sarah turned to him, tilted her head, and gave him a look. "Chuck, why the hell would I fire you?" Chuck didn't have an answer. "Last I checked, you found us a ton of money, you have been more involved in this project in two days then some of my staff has the entire time they've worked on it. You encountered a hostile workplace environment, and for your mental health, you got out."

"Some people find that excuse a cop out," Chuck said softly.

"They do," Sarah agreed. "But again, there's this podcast I listen to, called Beach Sessions, you should give it a listen, the host is very intelligent." Chuck blushed and ducked his head. "During the sessions he does talk about mental health, the thing he keeps going back to is how you have to take care of yourself, because if you don't the problem will get worse and worse."

"Sarah, I can't work with her," Chuck blurted out. "And that's not an ultimatum, I just can't."

"Well, she doesn't work there, so it's fine." Chuck had another stunned look on his face. This woman was surprising him at every turn today. "Chuck, what is she going to do to help us? Seriously? There are two reasons I told her no. The second is just that, she is no use to us. Her audience will care nothing about this show."

Chuck sat there quietly for a moment, and thought about what she said. He turned to her, and she had an impish grin on her face, nearly daring him to ask the question. "May I ask what is the first reason?"

"You may," she replied.

Chuck set there a second, and then realized what she had done. "Oh, well, played, ma'am. Well. Played."

She gave a mock bow. "Ah thank you," she replied, making him giggle. "You, Chuck. You've given so much to this. You are all in on this, and I realize you are the man that you seemed to be on those podcasts. You're not fake. You're not putting on a show. You're real, and in this business, hell, in life, that is important."

"Thank you," Chuck said softly.

"You're welcome," Sarah told him. She looked out at the beach. "Is there a reason you come here, other than the water hitting the sand is kind of…I don't know…soothing?"

"Yeah, actually," Chuck told her. "To me, this is anxiety." Sarah tilted her head, listening, curious. "So, the sand is me, and the waves are anxiety, just constantly crashing against me." Sarah nodded. "But, if you can remove yourself from it…if you can pull back and see it from where we are, there's a point where you can see that the waves are very gentle, in fact most days they are, but it's those violent ones, especially when there are storms, that you usually remember."

"So maybe you overemphasize the bad ones because they are so much more memorable?" Sarah offered.

"You got it," Chuck said, a grin on his face. He sobered after a second. "May I ask what about Cole?"

Sarah snorted. "If the people paying me to make this show says he has to be part of this show…" she trailed off and shrugged. "Then he has to be."

"I'm sorry," Chuck told her honestly. "That really sucks and isn't a bit fair to you."

She grinned at him. "Chuck, sometimes you have to make Chicken Salad out of chicken shit."

"That has to taste disgusting," Chuck replied. Sarah laughed at that. "If you need someone to talk to, no judgments, I'm here, and I promise not a word will end up on my podcast."

"Thank you," she said, smiling at him. "I have to go back to work." Chuck started to get up. "No, you stay. Or go home, or whatever. You have done plenty today. Tomorrow Arik Armstead comes in. He's playing Zondra's ex-husband, and we'll run through the scenes. I want you there, helping me, making sure we've got the right tone."

"And what tone is that?"

"The one where Michelle Jones, played by your bestie, Zondra, has an ex-husband, played by Arik, and they understand it just didn't work out," Sarah told him.

"And Cole?"

"Cole is playing Paul Jakes," Sarah told him. "Zondra's husband. He understands Arik and Michelle's dynamic."

Chuck was silent for a moment. "So the entire series centers more around Michelle, right?"

"And her daughter," Sarah added. Chuck didn't say anything. "Oh, just say it," she told him, shoulder bumping him.

"Can Cole pull all of that off?" Chuck asked. "He's a good actor for what he does, but taking a backseat in this show…"

Sarah just grinned and shrugged. "Guess we'll find out together, won't we." She stood. "You know if you want to run, I wouldn't blame you."

"I'm not running Sarah, not from this."

The two were staring each other in the eyes. Sarah couldn't stop the smile on her face if she wanted to. "Good," she said softly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya," Chuck replied. Sarah nodded and walked off as Chuck watched her go.

}o{

The camera switches to Zondra sitting in the interview chair, chuckling. "I have to give Sarah credit, she had a plan to make Cole go away." Zondra is silent for a moment. "What she didn't know was someone else had one as well, someone no one expected, and it was probably there, in that moment, her fate was sealed." Zondra laughs. "Who am I kidding? She was done the first day she walked into Chuck's office."

A/N: I talk about mental health…A LOT. Why? Because if it can help one person, then they deserve it. Take care of you.

Next time:

The producer speaks. "Wait, are you saying even then you were in love with Chuck?"

Sarah was silent for a second. "I can admit I was in love with the idea of the man Chuck seemed to be, but I'm still not sure I believed he was real," Sarah replied. "I can admit that I was probably in love with him by the time I left his office that day we first met for real. I can admit I thought about asking Zondra about how to contact him so many times, but I couldn't do that to him."

*Shakes head* These two. Seriously, take care of yourselves, both physically and mentally.