A/N: Dear guest reviewer, yes, it's pathetic. You know how I know, because this is what happens in my head every day with the bully known as anxiety. I write this fic to try and let people understand why we need to talk about mental health. This is not canon Chuck, and I've made that quite clear. I understand this Chuck is pathetic with him not believing in himself. He tells himself that, again, I know because I do it daily, sometimes hourly, hell, even minute to minute.

I wonder why the hell I bother, this world doesn't need me, I'm taking up space, my stories suck, I'm a terrible friend, husband, father, person, I don't deserve to have what I have. I'm not worth it. That's what the bully tells you every GOD DAMN DAY. I am pathetic, but I am going to keep on writing this, because if I can show ONE person, that they are not alone in their mental health fight then it's worth it. It's worth that breath I do take, even though my head screams how unworthy I am.

It takes a special person to love me, to be my friends, I understand how hard it is. I am pathetic, I know I am, and I don't want to be, but there is nothing that will shut that bully up as long as I take a breath, and that's the hell I live with. Grace. This fic is about trying to understand people and extend some grace.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

The camera cuts to Carina and Zondra, both sitting in their seats, grinning. "So, I guess this is their first date?" Zondra asked Carina. Carina sputtered laughter.

}o{

Sarah heard a hesitant knock on her office door that next morning. She was grinning, and pretty sure she knew who it was. As she had came in, she asked Daffney to have Chuck come see her when he got there. "Come in," she called out. She smiled as he walked into the room.

"Have I done something wrong?" Chuck asked, worry on his face.

"Yes," Sarah replied. "You let your anxiety make you think in the hundred feet from Daffney's desk to my office that you did something wrong." Chuck stared at her. "Chuck, I needed to see you ASAP this morning, and if I had text you, you would have worried the entire drive here, correct?"

"Yes," Chuck told her. "But, if I may point something out, if you had just told me why, I wouldn't have worried."

"Okay, that's fair," Sarah replied. "Thank you for that. I'll try and make sure and do that next time." She paused and grinned. "If I had told Daffney why, then I'd have to explain to her what was going on, and I had a lot to do this morning."

"And I'm taking up your time," Chuck blurted out.

"No," Sarah said calmly. "I got everything else I needed done. Now I need to work with you."

"More practice kissing?" Chuck asked.

Sarah felt her stomach flip. "Do you think you need more practice kissing?" she asked, trying not to sound like she really wanted him to need practice kissing.

"I have no idea," he admitted. He walked over to the chair across from her and plopped into it. "This must be offensive to you." She pulled her chin back. "You went and studied acting for years, put in the work at all different levels, and here I am, suddenly shoved into this role."

"Oh, I'm utterly offended that you taking this job is keeping the show I'm trying to get off the ground, on air," she replied, a bit dryly.

"I'm being whiny?" He asked. She winced and held her thumb and finger just far enough apart where you could see light. "You're probably being generous."

"Chuck, you are doing fine," Sarah told him. "I am not offended, I'm grateful, and what I'd like to do is get you to try on some clothes for the Upfronts on Thursday night."

Chuck sat up straight. "Oh, God, we'll never have enough time to fix the pants. They're always wrong."

"I already know your measurements," she told him. He just stared at her and she began to giggle. "Zondra, Chuck. All the times she took you as her plus one, it's the same tailor."

"Oh, so a suit and tie," Chuck said, nodding.

"No," Sarah disagreed with a quick shake of her head. "Awards, premiers, that sort of thing, more dressy, more black-tie, this…more fashion. I have some ideas and Roan's bringing everything over." There was knock on the door. "Oh, look, there he is." Sarah got up, went over to the door and opened it. "Roan." Roan nodded at her, and came in, pulling a rolling rack with garment bags hanging from it.

"Good morning, Sarah, Charles," Roan said, giving a head nod to each. "So, I have several options." He looked at a bag and turned back to Sarah. "This is a simple white shirt, we leave the top button unbuttoned, and a pair of grey slacks and a vest."

Sarah pictured it in her minds eye. While there would be no tie to straighten, the thought of Chuck, in the white shirt with the grey vest…. "That might be a little too formal," Sarah said, trying to push the picture out of her mind. She knew she would be playing with the buttons of that vest all night, wanting to unbutton them. She gave the image a huge mental shove. "What else do you have?"

"What about a charcoal slacks and suit jacket, and a lavender shirt?" Roan asked. Sarah nodded. "And, to go with his theme…those," Roan said, gesturing toward the Chuck's he had on.

"I need to see it," Sarah answered. Roan pulled the garment bag off of the rack and handed it to Chuck. "Feel free to use my private bathroom to try it on."

Chuck took the bag and headed toward the bathroom. "Now, if you have him go with that," Roan continued. "I suggest a very simple, but stylish purple dress." Roan reached over, and put his hand on a bag and gave her a look.

"Let me see him in his outfit first," Sarah told him. Roan smiled, and nodded. "What?"

"You seemed to get lost in thought thinking about Charles and the vest," Roan replied.

"I was simply trying to visualize it," Sarah told him. "He's not my dress up toy."

"My apologizes," Roan replied, grinning. "I thought you were thinking about him taking it off." He paused, and grinned. "Or maybe you taking it off of him."

Sarah fought the grin and the color that threaten to run up her neck. She had been if she was honest. The door to the bathroom opened, and she turned to look at him. "Oh, Chuck, you look so handsome."

"Thanks!" Chuck said. He did a pose and made a duck face. "Am I doing it right?" Sarah couldn't help but snort. She walked over and took the purple dress from Roan, and headed into the bathroom Chuck had just came from to change. "Thanks, Roan."

"You know, my boy, I do think Miss Walker enjoys you in a suit."

"Roan, she's just trying to make sure I don't embarrass her or the company Thursday." He let out a rough breath. "Can't really blame her. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Hollywood star. I don't really fit in with that crowd."

"I thought you were intelligent," Roan said, giving Chuck a look. Chuck's eyes went wide. "Zondra is always taking you to events. If you embarrassed Zondra, do you think she would continue to take you? The Zondra Rizzo I know wouldn't care if you were her best friend, she'd tell you that you were messing things up for her."

"She would," Chuck admitted.

"And how many stars have appeared on Beach Sessions, Charles, hmmm? How many stars have opened up and given you the interview that no one else would and never regretted it because you treat them well, and make it safe space?"

"Many," Chuck admitted.

"So maybe the reason Sarah Walker is going with you, is because she wants to go with you," Roan concluded.

"But, she's Sarah Walker."

"Yes, Charles, but you are…" Roan rolled his eyes. "Chuck Bartowski. God I hate that boorish name," he grumbled. "Charles, I don't pretend to understand all that you fight in that brain of yours, but I do know this. Some of your statements lead me to believe that you give your brain the ammunition it needs."

Chuck was silent for a minute. "When you hear things over and over, some times you just think them before you even hear them," Chuck said softly.

"That has got to be hell," Roan replied in a kind voice. "I know you fight daily, but I wonder, sometimes…sometimes do you just give up a fight because you don't think you're worth it?"

"I might," Chuck admitted. He glanced toward the bathroom door. "But, Roan…she's Sarah."

"And you're Chuck," Roan countered. "And that young lady…" Roan shook his head. "Charles-" Chuck heard the door open and spun quickly. Sarah stepped out in a purple dress and Chuck couldn't help the stupid smile on his face.

"You look beautiful," he blurted out. "You do."

"Thank you," she said shyly. "Do you think this will work for the Upfronts?"

"I think you two will be absolutely perfect," Roan told them.

}o{

The camera cuts back to Carina and Zondra. "The Upfronts?" Zondra asked, and began to laugh.

"Oh, how I wish I had been there," Carina said, shaking her head. "I later saw some footage. It was the beginning of Charah. I mean they didn't call them that then…but it was coming."

}o{

Thursday afternoon led to all of them changing at work. They had decided they would all go together as a show. Sarah had rented multiple SUVs with the windows tinted. Zondra had insisted that Sarah and Chuck ride by themselves so Sarah could talk through any of his concerns. Sarah could tell this wasn't Zondra teasing Sarah. This was Zondra legitimately worried about Chuck.

She was gathering her things when she heard her office door open, she turned, having just picked up a banana from her desk, and saw Chuck. She felt her mouth go dry. She felt her heart race. Good Lord… "Do I look okay?" he asked timidly.

"Perfect," she said, and thrust her hand with the banana at him. He raised his hands as if surrendering, his eyes wide. "What?"

"You're pointing that thing at me like a gun," he replied. She couldn't help laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Chuck lowered his hands and began to laugh as well. "I've never been held up before, especially by a banana."

"You good," she said affectionately as she chuckled. "This is for you to eat. I know you have anxiety and sweat and I don't want you cramping up from the loss of potassium."

"Oh…oh. That's very thoughtful, thank you," Chuck said to her taking the banana. "Just go ahead and eat it?" She nodded at him as he began to peel it. "I don't know if anyone ever thought about this before. Thank you, Sarah." She smiled shyly.

"Okay, so, I need to give you a heads up. You may find us arm in arm, or my hand on your forearm, or me touching your arm in some way," Sarah began. Chuck's eyes widened. "I'm not trying to sexually assault you or feel you up, or make people think we're dating, I promise, and if you don't want me to, I won't, but please hear me out first."

"Okay," Chuck said, after swallowing a bite of banana.

"I know you're going to have anxiety moments, that can't be helped, but what we can do is guide you away from crowds, or situations that are heightening it," Sarah continued. "Now, I could have you wear a watch or band that talked to my phone about your heart rate but that could look suspicious me checking my phone every few minutes."

Chuck nodded, following so far.

"With my hand around your arm I can gently feel your wrist and your pulse," Sarah told him. "If you're having a bad time, I can make excuses for us and pull you away."

"Or I could just tell you," Chuck offered.

"You could," Sarah agreed. "But you won't." She let that hang in the air for a second. She grinned at him. "I'm getting to know you pretty well, Chuck Bartowski, and what I know of you says that you will hide from me what is going on because you are afraid you will ruin things. You will push yourself too far, and I'm not going to let you do that for me."

He tried to speak a few times, and couldn't. When he finally got control of his facilitates, he did manage to speak. "Not going to let me?" She raised an eyebrow. Chuck didn't know when he had been more scared, and yet, more turned on in his entire life. "I see."

Sarah walked right up to him and smoothed a wrinkle in his shirt that Chuck hadn't seen. "You've been doing a lot for me in this friendship, and I want to do something for you," she said softly. "Please, let me."

"I mean, if you have to keep touching me…aren't you worried about people thinking…" he trailed off and saw the look on her face. "We've had this conversation."

"We have," she told him grinning. She slipped her arm through his, deftly plucked the banana peel from his hand, tossed it in the waste bin, and turned them through the door. "Now, let's go have fun."

"Let's have fun," Chuck concurred. The two headed toward the door.

}o{

The camera cuts to the interview chair that Ellie is sitting in. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. She put her hands in front of her and brought them down as if making a rainbow. "Magical."

A/N: Take care of yourself, and please, show others grace where you can, you don't know what they're fighting.