Tw: ableism, non-con towards a minor, homophobia, violence, self-harm mention
It's been two weeks and four days since Draco lay unconscious on Slughorn's classroom floor as the life seeped out of him. He sits in Defense Against the Dark Acts with the rest of his class in first period, scribbling down notes to whatever Snape says. His black eyes have faded, the bruising is hidden under his clothes, the nurses said his ribs should be sore but healed, and his left arm remains in a cast. At least he's finally out of the San's claustrophobic ward.
At break time, Draco heads over to the spot his friends have occupied as their own when he hears a shout behind him. "Draco!" He turns to see Daphne pushing through a crowd of second years, waving madly.
"Hi, Daphne," he says, giving a short wave with his right hand as she bounds over, accompanied by Blaise and Pansy.
"Where the hell have you been?" she says. "You just disappeared for two weeks."
"I was in the San," says Draco, accepting her gentle pat on the shoulder. "I'm fine now."
"You don't look fine," Pansy interrupts, staring at the cast on his arm. "What happened?"
"Nothing important," says Draco, joining the three as they make their way across the courtyard.
"I'm glad you're back," says Blaise. "I can't believe you left me with these lot for a fortnight. It's been hell."
Draco smiles as Pansy elbows xem. "Um, Blaise, we've been so nice to you," she says.
"At what point?" Blaise scoffs. "Give me an example. You've been making me do all your homework and badgering me for revision notes, I wouldn't call that being nice."
"Don't act like you weren't drooling over the opportunity to do extra work," Pansy says.
"I do have a life outside of school, you know?"
"Do tell me about it sometime, I'd be so interested to listen."
"Guess what," Daphne says, ignoring them both.
"What?" says Draco, curious as Daphne bounces up and down excitedly. Crabbe catches up to them, catching the tail end of their conversation.
"You're back, Draco," he says.
"Crabbe, shut it," says Daphne. "Draco, guess."
"Uh, you've pierced yourself somewhere weird?" Draco suggests. "Got a new pet? Hexed a professor?"
"Is this about Pike?" Pansy interjects.
"Fuck's sake, Pansy," Daphne sighs. "You've ruined the surprise."
"Have you got together with him?" Draco says in surprise.
"Yeah, eventually," she says. "He's been hanging around with us instead of Theodore's lot."
"Unfortunately," Blaise mutters.
Draco raises his eyebrows. "Why, what's he done?"
"He's done nothing," Daphne says indignantly. "Blaise, watch your mouth, that's my boyfriend you're talking about."
"However hard you try, it's incredibly hard to be intimidated by someone six inches shorter than me," Blaise retorts, looking over her head.
"Twat."
"Here he comes," Pansy says as a tall, well-built figure strides over from the courtyard to their spot beside the apple tree.
"I can see why you went for him," Draco says sarcastically. "He's my mirror bloody image."
"He's fucking fit though," says Daphne.
Pansy nods as he gets closer. "He's not awful looking, you have to admit Draco."
"He's jealous," says Crabbe, earning him a shove from Draco.
"Why would I be jealous of someone with an IQ lower than my owl?"
Blaise sniggers at this and Daphne glares at the both of them.
"Shut up, he can hear you."
"Y'alreet?" says Pike, finally joining the group and clapping a strong arm around Daphne's shoulder.
"Yeah, not bad," Crabbe nods.
"I'm good, how were your lessons?" asks Daphne.
"They were fine," Pike says.
Draco feels a finger poke his back. He turns to see Blaise glaring at him pointedly, her eyes glancing to the school and back.
"We're going to head off," says Draco. "Me and Blaise have divination next."
"What happened?" asks Pike as he notices Draco's cast.
"Don't worry about it," Draco says, starting to walk with Blaise back into school. "See you at lunch."
"Thanks for that," says Blaise as they walk away from the group.
"What's your problem with that guy?" Draco asks, readjusting his cast.
"He's a bully," Blaise sniffs, crossing its arms.
"To who?"
"Ok, maybe 'bully' is an exaggeration. He's just not very pleasant."
Draco narrows his eyes. "What's he done to you?"
Blaise manages a smile. "Don't go all protective on me, I'm probably exaggerating."
"I don't care if you think you're exaggerating. If he's being a dick, I'll sort him."
Blaise flaps their hands to their chest. "How romantic," he grins.
"Oh, fuck off," Draco snorts. "Tell me what he's done."
Blaise shrugs as they head up the stairs to the divination room.
"It's nothing particular, he just takes the piss out of me when I'm like..." Blaise waves xier hands around, clenching and unclenching their fists. "You know."
"Why?" says Draco.
"Why what?"
"Why would he take the piss out of that? Surely he's seen you doing it in lessons for the last five years, he must be used to it by now."
"No, he hasn't seen me do it before. I only do it around you, and sometimes Daphne and Pansy," says Blaise. "If I can control it, I do. This is the first time he's been in contact with me when I'm comfortable enough not to hide it so it's the first time he's noticed. I know it looks weird to people who haven't seen me do it before, that's why I hide it as best as possible. But now I can't even do it in the Common room or dorm because he's there and he'll make a stupid comment and I'll get even more stressed."
Draco irately clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth as they reach the top of the staircase. "Look, next time he does it and I'm there, I'll have a word. If you want me to," he adds.
"Yes," says Blaise. "I just don't want to make it a big deal. Some people are ignorant, and I don't want to cause unnecessary drama."
"He's the one making it a big deal," says Draco. "He's being a dick and stressing you out for no reason and it sounds like no one else has bothered to put him in his place. Also standing up to dickheads isn't 'unnecessary drama', it's the right thing to do."
Blaise sneaks a glance at him as they line up outside the classroom, grateful but curious.
"Are you jealous of him?" Blaise asks. "Is that why you're being so on it because he's with Daphne?"
Draco looks Blaise right in the eyes, the eyes of someone he's sure he can trust. "You really thought I had feelings for Daphne?" he says.
"Not to start with," Blaise admits. "But then it carried on for four months so, you know."
"This stays between us, all right?" Draco says, glancing around. "And Daphne knows, so it's not like it's drama, but yeah. We were doing it because our parents wanted to get into each other's good books. There was nothing more to it."
"Oh," Blaise frowns, rethinking the last five months of her life. "But you kissed and held hands all the time."
"Yeah, it was for show."
"You didn't feel anything at all? Not one nice kiss where you thought 'I wouldn't mind doing this again'?"
Draco shakes his head. "I probably should've told you, but it was easier to keep it secret from everyone."
A thought pops into Blaise's mind. "What happened to that enby you were with?" she asks. "Remember in December when you were asking me about that? You were going out with them as well as Daphne, weren't you?"
Draco sighs then looks around to check that no one's listening. "Yeah, I was."
"And you still are?"
Draco swallows and looks away from Blaise, the questions getting slightly too risky. "Maybe," he says, which he knows would be interpreted as a yes, but if he can't trust Blaise, who can he trust?
Blaise's eyes light up and Professor Trelawney enters the corridor.
"In you go, people," she calls. "We've got an exciting lesson today to get your brains working, in you go, come on, cheer up."
Draco smiles in relief at Blaise's desperate glare, imagining the number of questions that must be running through their head. She only has time to ask one, time running out before Trelawney ushers them in.
"How deep are you into it?" Blaise whispers. It wasn't the question Draco was prepared for.
Draco thinks of Ron laughing and jumping about in their oversized jumper and lying on his tummy and kissing him and all he get is a unbelievably strong surge of joy.
"I love them, Blaise."
Blaise doesn't find a chance to interrogate Draco further throughout the day much to their disappointment, although a part of her knows Draco probably wouldn't answer most of their questions.
Pike comes to sit with them at lunchtime, and Blaise has no plans to restrain his nervous tics with Draco sitting right beside them, the offer from earlier ongoing. They wonder if Draco will carry out his promise on the table in front of everyone.
"You looked like you enjoyed that," Millicent says suspiciously to Goyle, observing his bone clean plate within minutes of the meal being served.
"Yeah, it's my favourite," says Goyle, staring back at her full plate of pasta hungrily.
"Seriously?" sniffs Daphne, twirling the strings of pasta around on her fork. "It tastes like dogshit."
"It's not that bad," says Pansy. "The mac and cheese they do is worse."
The mention of it makes the whole group, except Crabbe, cringe.
"It tastes like decomposing shit," Millicent says.
"It's bloody rancid."
"I like the mac and cheese," says Crabbe.
Daphne rolls her eyes. "Of course you do, Crabbe."
"The mac and cheese is by far the worst thing they do," Draco says.
"Nah, the fish pie is worse," says Pike. "Leaves you bloody reeking the entire day too."
"Don't," Daphne groans. "You'll put me off my food."
Blaise suddenly snaps his head and left arm back for a second, then relaxes it again. No one pays any attention, used to it by now, apart from Pike, who pulls a shocked face.
"Blaise, you alright mate?" he says. Draco's lip curls at his smarmy grin, the grin of a predator who knows their prey has fucked up.
"Yes, thank you," says Blaise, repeating the action due to the sudden attention directed to him.
Pike sniggers and points to her. "Try and control yourself mate, there's kids watching." He turns to Daphne, voice still raised enough for everyone around to hear. "Is he always like this?"
"Like what, exactly?" Draco says sharply, seizing the moment. Daphne watches the scene play out, nudging Pansy. She could tell the second Draco's cold eyes clocked Pike mocking Blaise that he wasn't going to let it slide.
"Like a fucking spastic," Pike says, mimicking Blaise's head twitch, rolling his eyes into the back of his head for effect.
"I beg your fucking pardon?" says Draco, slamming his elbows down on the table, deciding to fully commit. The surrounding students go quiet. "If you think you can come in here and take the piss out of one of us just because you're shagging Daphne, you'd better think again. We're not your mates, Pike. What's Blaise done to you, exactly? All they do is mind their own bloody business, maybe you should take some notes."
"You're just jealous you don't have her anymore," says Pike, glancing over at Daphne who looks like she's thoroughly enjoying herself.
"Nah, I'm not, mate," says Draco, "And I didn't 'have her', she's my friend and twice the entertainment you ever were. You're a fucking dickhead and if you don't shut your mouth, I'll come over there and make you."
Pike's grin drops. "You want to take this outside?"
"Take this outside? Do you think you're hard or something?" Draco scoffs in his face. "Pipe yourself down and stop fucking around with Blaise, alright? It's not that hard."
"I didn't know I hurt your boyfriend's feelings," Pike mocks, pulling an overly sad face at Blaise. "Fuckin' retard can't stand up for himself."
Draco stands up, throwing down his cutlery. "You don't have to deal with this shit, Blaise," says Draco, pulling xem up. He stabs his finger at Pike before he leaves. "Call him a retard again and I'll break your fucking neck. Stay away from us."
He storms out of the hall with Blaise right beside him, the Slytherin table dead silent.
Once out of earshot of the hall, Draco releases a long breath. "I didn't know I had the balls for that, fucking hell."
Blaise turns to him, grinning. "That was impressive."
"I was good, wasn't I?" Draco smiles. "Nothing like a bit of melodrama at the dinner table."
"Did you see his face when you said you'd break his neck? He was shitting himself."
"Bloody hell, what a cunt," Draco sighs as they walk aimlessly around the corridors. "How long has he been going on like that for?"
Blaise shrugs. "Since he started hanging around with us once he got together with Daphne, so eleven days now. He's just been making comments, imitating my movements occasionally, that kind of thing."
"Well, if he does any of that again, tell him to fuck off," says Draco. "Or hex him or something." He raises his eyebrows. "That's a good idea, actually. You should duel him, you'd win by miles."
"No, that would be awfully dull," says Blaise. "I could have him on the floor in seconds."
"Prove it."
"He's not worth it."
They walk up the staircase to the second floor.
"I hope that keeps him off your back for a bit at least," Draco says. "It should do."
"Thank you," says Blaise. "I appreciate it."
"No problem. I'm guessing those are happy ones," Draco says, watching Blaise wave her hands up and down.
"Yeah, you've got me all excited."
"I aim to please."
"Do you think Daphne's going to be mad at you?"
"No, I don't think so," says Draco. "Did you not see her? She seemed to be enjoying herself. Actually, I thought she'd have the balls to stand up to him."
"I'm clearly not her priority," Blaise says with a bitter smile.
"Pike's shaken you up, hasn't he?" Draco says, looking at the unusual expression on her face.
"No, I'm fine," sighs Blaise. "I'm certainly not sparing another thought on that boy. I just wish I was, you know." They gesture to themselves. "Not like this. Then I could focus on my sex appeal instead of worrying about scaring my date off by snapping my neck back like I'm possessed."
"If it's any help, I'd say your ugly face is more the problem," says Draco.
"My face is beautiful," Blaise says, feigning indignancy. "Gorgeous and stunning."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, pal."
"Don't deny my natural beauty."
"What natural beauty?" Draco snorts, and Blaise shakes their head, smiling as they continue walking out of the school building.
"Draco," Blaise says once they've reached the forest's edge.
"Yeah?"
"Are we just going to ignore what you said earlier? That you're in love with this random person?"
"Yep," he says. Muted anxiety flutters in his chest; he hoped that Blaise would've forgotten about that by now.
"Oh, come on," grins Blaise, spinning around as they walk. "Can't you tell me who this person is? Or what class they're in, or something?"
"I don't want to out them," Draco grumbles. "As non-binary," he quickly adds.
Blaise rolls their eyes. "And gay."
"Now hold on," Draco raises a finger and they stop walking.
"What? I'm not going to report you to the Ministry for 'homosexual offenses', am I?" scoffs Blaise.
"Who said I was gay?" Draco says, exasperated. He and Blaise have never talked about this, not in such a head-on way, and even though he does trust Blaise, the subject doesn't sit well with him.
"You have been in love with a male aligned non-binary person for at least five months and you felt nothing while in a four-month long relationship with a woman in which you kissed n number of times, where n is a large positive integer. That is quite literally the definition of homosexual."
Draco glances around to check that no one has materialised on top of a tree branch, pink spots appearing on his cheeks. He's lost for words. Trust Blaise to explain it in such a nerdy way.
"How the hell do you know he's 'male-aligned'?" he ends up saying.
"It's obvious," says Blaise. "If they were female or presenting as a woman then you wouldn't be so edgy about this. You're scared of getting caught, either by the Ministry or by other people. That wouldn't be the case if it was a harmless female crush."
Draco tries to process this.
"Draco, I don't care," Blaise says more seriously a second later. They can see his face go white as it does when he gets anxious. "I won't tell anyone if that's what you're worried about."
We're in a relationship, ok? Is that what you wanted to hear?
Well I never. Did you know that that's illegal? You're both underage.
Yeah, thanks, I know that. But the law means shit. If I were a girl, it would be fine.
You're not though. You're a faggot and you're fucked in the head.
Draco forces a smile, pushing away the memory and what it led to.
"Sure," he says. "Now if you're done grilling me."
"No, I still want to know who it is."
"Well I'm not telling you," Draco says.
"I have a proposition," says Blaise, turning to face him as they pass through a shaded area of the forest. "You tell me who this is, and I'll tell you who I shagged last week."
Draco pulls a face. "You're telling while I've been on death's bloody door for two weeks, you've been shagging around?"
"Oh, yes," Blaise smirks. "Anything to fill the desolate void of your absence. Although I must say, even by my low standards, the sex was appalling. I did all the work, he didn't last, and he gave me blue balls."
"He?"
"Yes, he."
"You've fucked one of the ratty Slytherin boys in our class?" Draco snorts. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Oh my God," says Draco, his face lighting up with a thought. "Please tell me it was Pike."
Blaise gives him a particularly nasty glare. "Draco, when I said my standards were low, I didn't mean in the fucking gutter. Have some respect."
Draco laughs her off. "Okay, well, was it... wait let me think."
"I'm not telling you who it was unless you tell me who you're 'in love' with," says Blaise.
"Why did you say it like that?" Draco says indignantly.
"Like what?"
"'In love', like I'm not actually in love."
Blaise smirks at him. "I just thought falling in love was usually left to the romantic types."
"What do you mean? I can be romantic," Draco says. "Unlike you, you bloody slag, fucking anything that moves."
"I never claimed to be romantic," Blaise says. "You, on the other hand."
"How would you know anything about what I'm like?" Blaise raises their eyebrows. "Actually, don't answer that," Draco says quickly. "All I'm saying is that I'm not driven by sex."
"That's such a lie," says Blaise with a laugh. "The only reason we haven't shagged yet is because you were convinced you were doing a good job at pretending you have any desire for the opposite sex."
"Interesting to assume I'd have sex with you," says Draco. "Remember that thing called standards?"
"Which I don't have, so yes, I'd fuck you," says Blaise, earning them a shove from Draco.
"Cunt."
"At least I'm a hot cunt," Blaise grins, framing their face with their hands.
"Have you fucking finished?" says Draco. "Can we get back to the original and slightly concerning point of you shagging one of the boys in our class?"
Blaise shakes its head. "No, the agreement is you tell me who you're seeing first."
"Well I'm not telling you," says Draco, sticking up his middle finger. "So have that."
"I could work it out if I wanted to," says Blaise. "Easily. I don't need to wait for you to tell me."
"Could you fuck."
"Taking into account all the variables that I've been gathering over the last few months, I could narrow it down to about three people by tomorrow."
Draco snorts. "What fucking variables?"
"Evidence," Blaise smiles haughtily. "Experience. Simple deductions. Attraction is all mathematical."
"Bullshit."
They sit in the Slytherin Common room for the rest of lunch, the class coming up towards the end. Pike watches Draco from the other side of the room but doesn't dare approach him or Blaise. The rest of the students sit between the two, neither committing to siding with either Draco or Pike. Draco hides his smile as the bell goes and Pike walks off to his lesson without another word. It feels great to win.
Sitting in his first potions lesson back, Draco feels like he's anything but winning. Two weeks without a word from Slughorn, without a glimpse of his face, a whisper of his voice. It would've been almost peaceful if the constant memory of Slughorn's hands pressing down on his ribs and sliding into his trousers didn't continuously haunt him.
Last lesson of Monday like routine, he knows the drill. He sits there doing no work and feeling useless for an hour, then waits behind as everyone else files out.
"Are you coming?" says Blaise, once the bell for the end of the lesson goes. Draco stays seated. Slughorn doesn't even have to ask by this point. He knows he must stay.
"I'll meet you up there," Draco says. "Don't take shit from any of them."
"I won't," they say. "How long will you be?"
"Half an hour, tops."
"Okay, see you soon."
He watches her follow Millicent and Goyle out until he's left all alone with Slughorn.
Slughorn paces behind his desk for a few minutes, not acknowledging Draco sitting at the back of the classroom. It gives the nauseating feeling in Draco's stomach a chance to settle down and the stab of anxiety to increase his heart rate to a constant thudding in the back of his throat.
"I heard you made quite the scene at lunch," says Slughorn, finally turning to face Draco. "What was that all about?"
"Pike was being mean to Blaise," says Draco. He can hear how all of the emotion has been drained from his voice since earlier in the day. "So I told him to stop."
"Blaise's your friend, is he?" Slughorn says with an odd look on his face as he sits at the desk in front of Draco.
"I guess," Draco says. He hates giving Slughorn an inch, anything to work with, anything to twist to his advantage.
"Anything more?"
"No."
"You never know," Slughorn says, making harsh eye contact with Draco. Being able to look in his eyes again brings it all back. Slughorn on top of him, clawing at his face, beads scattered over the floor, blood everywhere. A cold sweat settles itself between Draco's shoulder blades.
"I hope I didn't cause too much inconvenience," Slughorn says, flashing a smile as he leans closer in towards Draco. He runs his finger lightly over Draco's cast, making him shudder. Draco imagines him gripping his wrist and snapping his arm in two. The notion doesn't seem too far-fetched, his hands starting to tremor.
"Do you feel better now?" asks Slughorn.
"Yes."
"That's good," he nods insincerely. "And how are things with Ron? Did he dump you because you broke his precious necklace?"
"No," says Draco, his lip trembling but he tells himself not to rise to the challenge.
"So you're still with him?"
Draco clenches his jaw. There's no winning: whatever he answers to this, Slughorn will find fault.
"Yes."
Slughorn shoves his hand out to grab Draco's cheeks. He sticks his face up to Draco until he can see the sweat forming on his upper lip.
"You'll enjoy this then," he whispers, pressing his lips forward onto Draco's.
Draco squirms, closing his eyes and trying to block out the smell of Slughorn's breath so he can drift away safely. He can't breathe, Slughorn's fingers digging into the sides of his cheeks mercilessly. Eventually, Slughorn releases him, letting Draco pull away and splutter for air.
"You want to know your problem?" Slughorn says, wiping across his face with his sleeve as Draco stares down in humiliation. "You're lying to yourself. You're forcing yourself to be ashamed of your reaction." Slughorn grins bearishly. "You probably go to bed and masturbate to the memory of us two together, it wouldn't surprise me. God, you're desperate."
Draco chokes back tears, the thought of the situation described making his skin crawl with disgust.
Slughorn jumps forward and grabs onto Draco's cast, bending it in such a way that sends a jolt of pain throughout his body. Draco gives a sharp yelp.
"Do you know why we're created like this?" says Slughorn, forcing Draco's face down onto the table as he keeps his fractured arm bent behind him. "We're created man and woman to fullfil nature's command. But Draco bloody Malfoy thinks he can be different, he thinks he can go against his basic biology all for the sake of his perverted desires."
The pain makes it incredibly difficult for Draco to focus on what he's saying.
"You're fucked in the head," Slughorn continues. "You want to be special so badly that you've chosen to go against everyone who cares about you, and I hope you're asking yourself whether you're truly deserving of love."
Draco pants, wincing through the mind-numbing pain, the weight of Slughorn's words pressing down into his head.
"You're hurting me," he manages to get out.
"I don't care if I'm hurting you," Slughorn says, driving his elbow down into Draco's back, his bruised ribs colliding with the hard table surface.
"Please," Draco breathes, the pain sending hot flushes through his legs. "Let me go, it hurts."
"Shut your mouth," spits Slughorn. "And listen. You've disgraced your family, you're a disgrace to everyone who knows you. If anyone found out you were having sex with another man, they'd be happy I put you in the San because they'd understand that you deserve it. No one would try and stop me. You've brought this all on yourself, Draco, with your selfish cravings." Slughorn breathes down his neck. "Everyone is on my side because you're a disgusting, unnatural pervert."
"I'm going to pass out," Draco mutters, black spots appearing in his vision as the pain becomes unbearable.
Slughorn sighs and releases him. "If you insist on being all dramatic," he says. "Honestly, your pain tolerance is like a child's."
Draco allows himself to breathe, taking deep breaths and realigning his cast correctly, massaging his ribs. "I am a child," he mumbles, consumed with nauseating dizziness.
"Don't be ridiculous," Slughorn dismisses. "Were you listening to what I said, or do you want another trip to the San?"
"I was listening," says Draco, collapsing into his chair, all the life knocked out of him once again. "I was listening, please don't- don't hurt me again."
"Good," says Slughorn. "I don't know why you insist on making this so hard on yourself, really Draco. Drop the attitude and lighten up a bit. You want this."
Draco barely finds the courage to shake his head. "I don't want this," he says.
"Of course you do," says Slughorn. "You crave any male attention you get, I know what you're like. Stop complaining about it and be grateful."
Draco wipes the tears off his face and focuses on the pounding pain in his arm and ribs instead of Slughorn's voice echoing around the room.
"I'm sorry, I really am, that I'm the only one who's willing to tell you the truth," says Slughorn. "And don't give me that look. Think about it, really think. If you told everyone about your true self, if you told everyone that you were in a homosexual relationship, who would still love you?" He slams his hand down on the desk. "No one. Absolutely nobody. And that is a fact. No one would want you near them."
The silent sobs make Draco's shoulders wobble up and down as he admits the truth to himself. He wasn't paying attention before, but now he is and Slughorn is disturbingly accurate. Who would still love him?
Slughorn spreads out his hands, more than satisfied with the evoked response. "I'd like to remind you that if you even think about showing me the attitude you did last time, I won't hesitate before testing how high your pain tolerance really is. Now get out of my classroom."
Back in the Slytherin Common room on the sofas with Blaise, Millicent, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle, Draco distracts himself from the throbbing pain in his arm by glaring over at Pike. Daphne is sat midway between the group, half talking to Pike and half talking to the rest of the group.
Snape appears at the entrance to the Common room well into the evening in search of Draco. The room hushes as Snape breezes through.
"Malfoy, a word," says Snape, coldly glaring at the other students. Pike smugly watches him get up, convinced Snape is there to punish Draco for the outburst at lunchtime. Draco can't help thinking the same as Snape doesn't relax his features until they're a few minutes' walk from the Common room in an isolated corridor.
"Am I in trouble?" Draco asks eventually as they come to a stop.
Snape turns around oblivious to the anxiety he's created.
"No, not at all," he says. "I wanted to go somewhere more out of the way, that's all."
"Oh, okay."
"So how has your day been? Has it been all right your arm and everything?"
"It's been fine." Draco flares his nostrils remembering the shocking pain as Slughorn held his broken arm behind his back, as his bruised ribs were pushed onto the table.
"Was last lesson okay?" Snape asks in a low voice, watching Draco's discomfort grow.
"Did Professor Slughorn talk to you or threaten you or anything at all?"
Draco shakes his head, unable to look Snape in the eye.
"Draco," sighs Snape. "If you're not honest with me I can't help you, and I want to help. Look, why don't we talk about what got you into the San in the first place?"
"I can't," says Draco. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything."
Snape rubs his temples. "I can't just ignore this. You're still not safe. What if he does something like this again? He almost killed you, for Christ's sake, I can't risk that happening again."
"It's fine, really," says Draco.
"What happened, what could have possibly happened to earn you that reaction though?"
"I was winding him up," Draco says through gritted teeth, still feeling the ghost of a wand pressed to his temple. Snape encourages him to talk with a short nod.
"I called him names, I talked about Ron, I was shouting at him," says Draco, running a hand through his hair. "I was, yeah, it was my fault. I riled him up on purpose, I knew it would piss him off. I wanted to piss him off."
"He can't do this to you as a response," Snape says incredulously. "You were in the San for two weeks, Draco."
"It was my fault," says Draco. "It's honestly all right. I'm fine, now. He's leaving me alone."
One lie after another. Snape can tell Draco doesn't even believe himself.
"Just, nod. Give me one nod if he's holding something over you and you feel like you can't tell me. I can get you moved from his class, you don't have to have lessons with him anymore. If you're scared of him, give me anything. I can get him kicked out of Hogwarts. Draco, I could get the Ministry onto him. Please."
Draco blinks up to the ceiling, moved by Snape's genuine words. But it's Slughorn's voice that echos around his head. He could kill him if he realised what Draco had told Snape. Or inflict something worse than death on him and Ron. The threat hangs over him, a black shadow of doubt.
I'm going to rape you until you're begging for me to kill you. Then I'm going to string your dead body up in Weasely's room and make sure he finds it. Alright?
Against every last shred of will in his body, Draco doesn't move his head. Truthfully, he gave up months ago. "No," he whispers. "It's fine."
Snape nods slowly, forced to accept his answer. "All right," he says. "But if he gives you any more issues, come to me, no matter how small you think it is."
"Okay," Draco mutters.
"Are you going back to the Common room?"
"No, I'll go up to my room."
"I'll come with you," Snape says. They start walking out of the dim corridor and around to the more populated areas of the school, cutting through the courtyard en route.
"What happened at lunchtime?" Snape asks.
Draco looks at him, wondering how he found out.
"Remus- Professor Lupin mentioned it to me," says Snape in response to his curious glance.
"Was I really that dramatic?" says Draco, accepting the attempt to lighten the mood.
"You stormed out of the hall in front of the whole school, so yes. An impressive entrance on your first day back."
"It was because of Pike," says Draco. "You know Blaise?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, he was doing the neck twitch, you know he does when he's stressed? Pike was taking the mick out of it, calling him all sorts, mimicking them, so I told him if he didn't shut up, I'd break his neck."
Snape's eyebrows shoot up. "I see," he says. "Officially, I can't endorse that, but it sounds as though justice was served." They pass by his classroom entrance. "Do you want me to walk up with you?"
"It's alright," Draco says. "But thanks."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. Remember what I said," says Snape. "Look after yourself."
"I will," Draco says.
"All right, see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow."
Draco drags his feet up to his bedroom. He flops into bed, ready to tuck himself up to sleep, then groans and remembers Ron is supposed to be coming this evening. Although he's missed Ron more than anything, he doesn't currently feel like doing anything.
He doesn't know how to feel about Snape. He clearly wants to help, and Draco wants to accept the help so badly, but he's been warned about the consequences, and doesn't plan to make the same mistake of ignoring Slughorn's warnings twice.
He rubs his arm soothingly where Slughorn twisted it around his back. His words echo around his head, and the glare of loathing he gave Draco while transparently voicing his thoughts sends shivers down his spine.
I hope you're asking yourself whether you're truly deserving of love.
No one would try and stop me. You've brought this all on yourself.
If you told everyone about your true self, if you told everyone that you were in a homosexual relationship, who would still love you?
The worst part is the glaring truth ringing through all his statements, and although Draco can't stop shaking imagining the black dots in his vision as Slughorn twisted his broken arm behind him, the words cut so much deeper. Then there's Blaise, so casual and accepting. How life would be so much easier if Slughorn were the same or contained at least a fraction of xer attitude towards the whole thing.
There's a knock on the door at sometime after eleven. Draco has been asleep on and off for two hours in a haze of general misery and discomfort. He rolls off the bed, disorientated and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes to answer the door.
"Draco!" Ron grins.
"Hi," says Draco sleepily, letting him in. "Sorry, I'm really tired tonight. I was just about to go to sleep."
Ron watches him stagger back to bed. "Oh, right," they say. "Should I come back another time?"
"No, don't go," says Draco. "All I'm saying is I'll be asleep in five minutes, so if you wanted a long conversation then yeah."
"That's fine by me," says Ron, flopping down next to him.
Draco shifts his arms to hug around their torso. "Can you stay tonight?" he murmurs as Ron nestles into his chest. He's missed the feeling of someone's arms around him, the feeling of warmth and safety, Ron's earthy smell and soft jumper.
"Yeah," Ron says, cuddling in contentedly. "As long as I can talk to you about the last two weeks."
"Go for it," says Draco, closing his eyes. "If I fall asleep, it's on me."
"Okay, well. I'm entering the Quidditch tournament next week but I don't know if I'll get in or not. Like, there are auditions but I'm going with Harry and he's so much better than me, but you know, might as well try."
Ron feels Draco's breathing fall into a slow rhythm as he murmurs on about Quidditch. By the time he's got to what he wanted to say, Draco is sound asleep.
"I'm going to try and stop self-harming," says Ron as Draco releases a tiny snore. "It's doing me more harm than good. I know I won't be able to stop straight away but yeah. I'm going to try and do it less until I don't need to do it ever again."
Draco doesn't move at the confession. Ron closes their eyes and lets themselves drift away in his arms.