Tw: mentions of suicide & torture & murder.
[Wednesday 8th October]
Draco shuffles up to Snape's room after his last lesson. He wipes a sleeve across his nose and closes his eyes to relieve the splitting headache. Hay fever has struck again- it must've been from going into the forest at lunchtime with Ron. He's been wracked with nerves since they gave him the heads up, but the Ministry hasn't confronted him yet. That small solice doesn't stop him from frequently glancing over his shoulder. No doubt they will bring up the other content of the diary when Draco denies his relationship with Ron.
He pauses once outside Snape's room, catching voices coming from inside. He presses his ear to the door and hears Snape's deep drawl for a few seconds, then another voice chips in. It's the unmistakable voice of Professor Lupin. He cautiously backs away and into a nearby room to wait until they've finished.
Inside, Remus and Snape have been talking about nothing important for the last period of the day, both without lessons to teach. They don't hear Draco's footsteps pad towards the door and then creep away again.
"Oh gosh," Remus mutters as the quill he keeps in his pocket falls out and glides over to Snape's feet. "Can you pass my, uh..."
"Quill?" Snape says, picking up to collect it.
Remus lets out a short laugh. "You can tell I haven't quite got back in the swing of things yet," he says, taking back his quill. "Cheers. We've been going for what, four weeks? Five?"
"Four and a half weeks," says Snape. "There's still three weeks to half term."
"God," Remus mutters.
"Are you going to stay with Nymphadora for the week?" he asks.
"No, I don't think so. It's a bit of a trek up to the countryside house for a week."
"I would offer for you to come around to my humble abode, but I'll be staying here yet again."
"You do need to get out of this place sometime," says Remus. "It's not good for you, being cooped up with no holidays or anything."
He drinks the last sip of tea from his mug, sighing contentedly. "What type of tea was that again?"
"It's just green," says Snape, raising an eyebrow. "Are you asking so you know what to avoid next time?"
Remus chuckles. "No, no, it was lovely. Just tasted a bit unusual. Different to regular green."
"Well I haven't spiked it," Snape sniffs, then his expression hardens at the comment.
"I didn't think so."
Remus takes the change in mood as a chance to bring something more serious up.
"Have you heard the rumours going around?" he says.
"No?"
"Apparently the Ministry is treating Horace's death as a murder."
Snape sits bolt upright. "What?"
He hasn't heard a word about Slughorn since Saturday when his death was announced. Perhaps it was naïve of him to assume that meant all suspicion was cleared.
"I know, I was shocked too," says Remus. "It was awful enough taking his own life, but this is so much worse. I mean, who would want to kill Horace?"
Snape starts scanning his brain for any reason the Ministry could've found out. "Who do they think it is?"
Remus shakes his head. "I tried to talk to Dorian about it, you know Dorian Olwen? I worked with him a few years ago."
"Yes, I met him the other day."
"I tried to ask him about it but he wasn't budging. He kind of implied that they have a suspect, but he didn't say anything concrete."
The colour drains from Snape's cheeks. He suddenly checks the clock. 16:23. Draco should've been here fifteen minutes ago.
"Can you excuse me, Remus?"
"You want me to go?"
"Yes, sorry," Snape says. "Nothing personal, I've enjoyed our chat, I've just got a lot to be getting on with."
"Alright, no worries," says Remus, brushing off his abruptness. "I'll catch you later."
"Yes, see you later."
Remus gives him a little wave as he leaves.
Snape jumps to his feet as soon as Remus is gone, prepared to search every room in the school until he finds where the Ministry is holding Draco and demands for them to release him. But when he opens the door, Draco is standing in the corridor, red rings around his puffy eyes and sniffing dejectedly.
"Thank goodness, there you are," says Snape, ushering him inside. "Is everything ok?"
"Yeah," Draco nods. "I know I look like shit, it's the hay fever."
"I'll get you something," says Snape. He rummages through his draws and hands Draco a white tablet. "Swallow that, it's an antihistamine. Do you need water?"
"It's okay." Draco swallows it dry. "Thanks."
"We have a problem," says Snape, sitting back down in the armchair. "They know it was us."
"What?"
"The suicide, death, murder," says Snape, waving a hand. "Whatever you want to call it. The Ministry knows we were involved."
Draco's face drops from confusion into dread. "What? How?"
"I don't know," Snape sighs. "But I was just speaking to Remus, Professor Lupin, and he said that they're treating it as a murder investigation, and they have a suspect."
Draco's world comes crashing around him; the surface-level discovery of Slughorn's diary could lead to his downfall.
"Is there any chance that we aren't the suspects?" he asks hopefully before allowing himself to face the facts.
"No," says Snape. "Looking back on it, I did an appalling job of covering everything up. I didn't move the mop with blood in from the cupboard and when I checked earlier it was gone. They must've found it. Also, there might've been blood on the stairs where we dragged him up because I didn't spend long cleaning him up."
Snape gets up and starts pacing in front of the fire. "They still don't know it was you, though," he says. "Let me take the blame for it. They found the mop in my classroom, Remus only said suspect in the singular."
"No," Draco shakes his head.
"I know you don't want to, but think about it," says Snape, standing still to look him in the eye. "They have nothing to link it to you. If you're caught, that's twenty years in prison, minimum. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and I know what happens to people they throw in Askaban. You wouldn't be fed, you'd be tortured, you wouldn't see the light of day for years. You'd lose your mind in there, anyone would."
"First of all," says Draco, staying as calm as possible. "You're not taking the blame for me. I did it, it's my prison sentence and I'm not sitting back and letting you get put in Askaban when all that stuff would happen to you too. Secondly, I don't think the suspect is you. I think it's me."
Snape frowns curiously. "Why would they think it's you?"
"Ron came to me at lunchtime today and said the people from the Ministry had just been questioning him about us. They said they have a 'written accusation' of us being in a relationship."
The implication dawns on Snape. "Horace's journal," he mutters, groaning at himself. "I should've taken it before they got to it."
"So they have the diary," says Draco. "And we both saw what was in it, that's a confession enough on its own. I have the most obvious motive handed to them on a silver bloody platter. He wrote that he was planning to do something to me on the day he died. That's like, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that he tried to do something and it went wrong. They know it was me."
"Let's think this through," says Snape. "Because they suspect one of us and it could be either me or you, so what's the plan? If I take the blame and you were the suspect all along, they'll arrest both of us for working together and vice versa."
"Or neither of us are the suspects," Draco suggests.
"I'm afraid that's not realistic," says Snape, continuing pacing back and forth. "They have the journal, they've found the mop, they know it's murder. Evidence points to me, motive points to you."
"Maybe they suspect both of us?" says Draco. "And Professor Lupin wasn't being accurate when he said suspect in the singular."
"That's possible." Snape fiddles with his robe. "This is all a mess, I'm sorry. All of this could've been avoided if I just cleaned up better."
"They would've found the diary regardless," Draco points out.
A minute passes in silence, Snape running through his head all possible outcomes while Draco lets the situation sink in.
"They're going to either arrest us or bring us in for questioning some point soon, so from what I can see, we have two options," says Snape. "Assuming we're sticking together."
Draco nods.
"Either we let them arrest and question us or we don't. If we do, we're going to have to get our stories straight. If we don't, we'll have to think of some way to get around the Ministry which seems incredibly unlikely if we stay at Hogwarts."
Snape pulls his robe around him, his next thought bothering him.
"Which leads me to my final suggestion," he says. "We run away from Hogwarts and avoid any chance of getting convicted."
Things looked bleak. Now they appear even bleaker, Draco admits to himself. What other option do they have?
"Ok," he says. "Let's run away."
"Really?" says Snape, surprised his suggestion wasn't met with more criticism or at least some questions.
"What else can we do?" Draco says. "It's either run or get thrown in Askaban for life."
"It doesn't have to be that black and white," says Snape, regret already seeping in. "We could come up with a story that negates all suspicion from either of us when they question us. Slughorn isn't here anymore, we could simply deny the journal as factual then come up with some excuse for the blood."
"That won't work," Draco says, growing quieter. "They won't ask 'is this diary truthful' and leave it at that. They'll probably read it out or make me read it or something. They could make me drink that truth-telling thing, what's it called? Veritserum."
"They can't, it's illegal to administer that to people under eighteen," says Snape. "In all circumstances."
"Okay, but even if they don't. It's a murder, they aren't going to drop their main lead at the drop of a hat. I'm not a good enough liar to keep denying the allegations they'll make about my connection to Professor Slughorn. If they bother looking into it, they'll see that everything he wrote in that thing coincides with real life. They never found an explanation for why I was in the San in April, well now they have one. Everything in there makes sense because it's the truth. There's no getting around that."
"So we run away," Snape says with a heavy heart.
"Or," says Draco. "I go, you stay, and you point the finger at me. You're hardly involved in any of this from the Ministry's point of view. I'm pretty sure Professor Slughorn didn't mention you in his diary. I run away, you say that you had no idea about any of this, and you didn't even know there was a blood mop in your classroom cupboard."
"No, Draco, I'm not abandoning you," Snape says assuringly. "We go together."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay," Draco says shakily. "Where will we go?"
"Your parents' house?" Snape suggests. "The Dark Lord is still there, isn't ve? There's no way in hell the Ministry is going anywhere near a hub of Death Eaters to try and find us." As he makes the suggestion, Draco can tell his heart isn't in it, and he can't think of anything worse than being trapped in a house of Death Eaters for the foreseeable future.
"You're not keen?" Snape says on seeing Draco's expression.
"I actually can't think of anything worse," says Draco. "I'd rather spend twenty years in Askaban."
"Right," says Snape. Back to the drawing board.
"I had a house before I moved into Hogwarts," says Snape. "It's a while from here, but it's fairly easy to apparate to. I stay there during the summer. No one else lives there or anything and it's very out of the way."
Draco nods, still struggling with the idea that any of this is real. "That sounds like a good idea."
"We'll have to go tonight," says Snape. "We can't afford to hang around here much longer. Every hour we stay here is an hour closer to getting locked up. Do you want to go to your room and pack a suitcase?"
"Can you come?"
"Yes. I'll gather a few things first."
Draco watches Snape pack a large black suitcase. He starts filling it with books and notebooks and sheets of paper and quills and mugs and more books.
"I've got clothes at my house," he says to explain why he hasn't packed a single piece of clothing.
An unusual feeling washes over Draco which he can't exactly place. He's not yet fully considered the consequences of packing up and moving with no explanation to anyone. What will his parents, his classmates, his professors think? Will anyone come looking for him?
"Christ, this is heavy," says Snape, hoisting the suitcase up with considerable effort. "Ready to head up to your room?"
"Isn't us lugging massive suitcases around going to look suspicious?" Draco points out.
"We could wait until it's a bit quieter, I suppose," says Snape. "I don't like the idea that the people from the Ministry are sitting somewhere in this building with us at the top of their suspect list ready to bring us in at any moment."
Draco shudders at the thought.
"We could wait until dinner then everyone will be in the hall?" Snape proposes. "That's only an hour away."
"Okay."
Draco runs a hand through his hair, then smooths it back down. "What about my parents and Ron and my friends?"
Snape doesn't say anything for a long moment. He doesn't want to jeopardise the mission, but can he really deny Draco his last goodbyes?
"I don't think you should say anything to them," he says. "If we're doing this, we need to do it properly."
"Can I at least say bye to Ron?" Draco pleads. "I can't just abandon them with no explanation."
"Yes, okay," says Snape.
Draco releases an audible sigh of relief.
"Why don't I make us a cup of tea?" Snape says, taking the mugs back out of his suitcase. "Let's have something to eat in the hall later so we don't raise suspicion any more than necessary, have a chance to talk to your friends for a last time, then we can go and find Ron afterwards and say bye to them."
"Alright," Draco sniffs, rubbing his temples. The headache is starting to wear off.
"If there's any sign that anyone from the Ministry is following you or they ask for you to talk to them, just get the hell away from them and meet behind the whomping willow. I'll be there at seven with the suitcases."
Snape puts the kettle on.
The bell for dinner reverberates around the building. Draco enters the hall separately to Snape. Today he's conscious of the three new faces sitting at the professor's table: the Ministry's Justice Department. He doesn't realise he's staring until the woman sitting in the middle meets his gaze. In the second they make eye contact, Draco is sure that she can see him standing over Slughorn's dead body with a trembling wand pointing at it. She tilts her head, then turns her attention back to her colleagues. The interaction makes the hairs on the back of Draco's neck stand up.
She knows it was him.
McGonagall's eyes flicker to the Slytherin table. Draco is sitting there, just like every day since Monday night. Satisfied with his streak, she decides to stop checking from today onwards.
"Draco, you should've come to the Common room before dinner," says Daphne, snapping his focus back to the table. "Goyle had his arse out."
"What the fuck?" says Draco, as Pansy and Crabbe giggle.
"It was not funny," says Blaise, pulling a face. "I want to pour bleach into my eyes."
"It fucking was," Millicent laughs. "And then he had to kiss Crabbe but he pussied out."
"In what context exactly?" Draco asks.
"We were playing truth or dare," explains Pansy. "Like the old and responsible seventh years we are."
"It was like being in first year again," Daphne says. "But Millicent told us who she likes so it wasn't all bad."
"'Millicent told us who she likes'," Blaise quotes haughtily. "What a treat."
"Oh, shut up Blaise, you were enjoying yourself," she says.
Draco shovels the steak and kidney pie down his throat. It could be the last good meal he gets for a while. Or, if all goes to plan, it has to sustain him for the trip to Snape's house.
"What a shame I missed that," he says through mouthfuls, exchanging a look with Blaise.
"We played spin the bottle too," says Crabbe. "I kissed Daphne."
Daphne rolls her eyes. "Yeah, alright, don't big yourself up. You were shite."
"You had no technique, Crabbe." Blaise shakes their head. "I would rate it unsatisfactory. Two out of ten."
Millicent laughs, elbowing him. "Alright, Blaise, you weren't much better."
"Yeah, I was," she says indignantly. "You said you enjoyed it."
"Of course she did," Pansy laughs. "It doesn't mean you were, you twat."
"How am I the twat when you refused to answer any of the questions in truth or dare, rendering the game pointless?"
Daphne sniggers. "Ooh, go on Blaise."
"It's just a game," grumbles Pansy.
Draco forces himself to smile along with them, the shadow of his and Snape's decision hanging over his head. He admits to himself that he'll miss this. A year ago, he would've given anything to have something worth staying for. Now, he wishes he didn't. It makes leaving so much harder. He doesn't dare move his eyes from the table, terrified to catch a glimpse of Ron in his peripheral vision. His attempts to prepare himself for their conversation have been, at best, flimsy. He still has no idea what he's going to say to Ron. How can he begin to explain?
Dinner ends, and as the Slytherins start filing out of the hall, Draco taps Blaise on the shoulder.
"Blaise, come here a sec," he says.
Blaise follows them around the corner into a small room. "What is it?"
Before they have the chance to question him further, Draco pulls them into a big hug. Blaise stands still, startled for a second. She doesn't think Draco has ever hugged her before, not like this.
"Would you care to explain why you're being weird?" she says when Draco pulls away a few long seconds later.
"How's hugging my best mate weird?" Draco says, but his smile is flat and the humour is drained from his voice.
Blaise holds up their hand. "I shall compile a list for you," he says, ignoring Draco's eye roll. "Firstly, you never hug me and I'll extend that point to say that we rarely exchange any form of physical interaction or affection. Secondly, you always come up to the Common room after dinner. Pulling me aside before then suggests that you urgently need to tell me something. I highly doubt you had a sudden compulsion to express your fondness slash undying platonic love for me, therefore you have urgent news for me so I'd like to hear it."
She pauses for breath, and Draco stares back lost for words.
"If this is you crawling back to me after your boyfriend broke up with you then I suggest we go to the dorm for a drink instead of pouring your heart out to me in a broom cupboard with the aroma of steak pie wafting under the door."
Draco blinks and finds his tongue. "I forgot how fucking insufferable you were," he says. "Christ, Blaise, did you have to pull an essay our of your arse because I hugged you? Friends hug."
"We are in a fucking broom cupboard right now," says Blaise. "Stop rationalising a completely unnatural situation and tell me what the news is."
"There's nothing to tell," says Draco. "And I can't stick around for long. I'm not coming up to the Common room this evening, so I just wanted to, you know." He shrugs. "Appreciate you."
Blaise narrows his eyes. "Are you about to kill yourself or something?"
"Fuck's sake," Draco snorts. "No."
"Good," says Blaise. "It's not really the mood for it today. You should wait until the weekend, there's a supposed to be a storm on Saturday night. Quite fitting knowing how theatrical you can be."
Draco gives him a small smile. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."
"'Death is the sound of distant thunder at a picnic'," Blaise quotes. "I'm sure that's somehow relevant."
"Fuck off with your Shakespeare quotes," says Draco. He holds up a finger as Blaise opens its mouth. "Don't even tell me it wasn't Shakespeare. I've got to go now."
Blaise gives him a look. "Draco, whatever you're planning, stop it," she says earnestly. "I'm going to have a serious problem with you if you off yourself and leave me with these lot for the rest of the year."
"They aren't too bad."
"You weren't in the Common room earlier," ze says with a grimace. "They're like zoo animals."
"I'm sure you'll manage." Draco pats their shoulder. "See you around." He rushes out of the room before Blaise can stop him.
Draco goes up to his bedroom where he planned to meet Snape, who arrives five minutes later. Draco packs everything important, stuffing some clothes into the suitcase along with every single necklace and bracelet from Ron and his chess set.
Once his trunk is packed, Snape takes a detour on the way to the Gryffindor Common room to find Remus. Having finalised their plans, he doesn't want to abandon one of the only good parts of Hogwarts without a goodbye. He feels as if he owes Remus an explanation at the very least.
Snape knocks on Remus' bedroom door. It's a long shot considering his usual pattern of movements, but surprisingly Remus answers it.
"Hi Severus," says Remus, raising his eyebrow at the unexpected visitors. "Evening, Draco. You're not supposed to be around the professor's rooms." He looks back to Snape for an explanation.
"Can we come in?" asks Snape shortly, pursing his lips trying to cling onto any shred of dignity remaining before his final confession.
"I suppose so. Why is Draco here?"
Snape doesn't speak again until they're all standing in Remus' room with the door closed. Draco lingers nervously by the exit. Snape gave him little explanation as to why they were coming here, his only instructions being 'go along with it' and 'don't interfere', but now it seems that Snape wants to set the record straight with Remus, for whatever reason.
"I've done something terrible," Snape starts.
"What's going on?" Remus frowns.
"You know what we were discussing earlier? About Horace's death being a murder?"
Remus narrows his eyes. "Yeah?"
"I knew it was murder from the start," Snape says outright before he loses the courage.
"What?" Remus doesn't register what he means for a good few seconds, not until he sees the shadow of guilt clouding Snape's face. "What's going on, Severus?"
"Horace didn't commit suicide," Snape gets out. Draco watches him struggle with his words, wondering where he's going with this confession. Will he implicate himself or will he tell the truth?
Remus' face falls instantly. "What's going on?" he demands vehemently. "Tell me what you've done, Severus, if you have any respect for me as a friend at all."
Snape pinches the sides of his nose. "I'm sorry for lying to you," he says.
Remus' face contorts into disbelieving horror. "He didn't kill himself, did he? Was it you? Did you murder Horace? My schoolteacher and my colleague, one of the only things I have left from the best days of my life. You took that away from me, lied about it then made every single person in this fucking school think he's a coward who killed himself? You did that, Severus?"
A pin could be heard to drop as Remus pauses for breath.
"I could accept Dumbledore's death," he continues. "I get that you did it to save him." He stabs a finger at Draco. "And I was pissed off because I've looked up to Albus my whole life, but you were clear with me, you told me why you did it. But this? You sat and watched me mourn my friend knowing you'd killed him? Tell me I've got the wrong end of the stick, please tell me I'm wrong."
Remus finishes with a stamp of his foot, his face red and voice raised.
Draco watches the scene play out. He's never seen Remus lose his temper like this, but he reluctantly keeps to Snape's order of no interference.
"I'm sorry," says Snape, hanging his head in shame. "I couldn't tell you, you have to understand that."
"I don't 'have' to understand shit," Remus yells. "What the fuck, Severus? I don't even know what to say. You're a murderer. You killed a man you've known since you were eleven. Aren't you going to offer me any explanation?"
Snape flounders for the right words, for any words, but he draws a blank.
"You're a coward and I don't know how you managed to lie through your teeth to me. I thought we were friends. I thought I knew you." Remus' voice wavers with furious emotion. "I'm telling the Ministry about this, and you can't stop me."
Snape goes deathly white as Remus charges towards the door.
Draco stands in front of the door, blocking Remus' exit. Enough is enough.
"Stop," he says frantically. "It wasn't him."
"What?" Remus snarls.
"It was me," Draco says. "I killed Professor Slughorn. Professor Snape didn't do anything. He's covering for me."
Remus stamps forward until he's right up to his face. "You did what?"
"Back off." Snape steps forwards too.
"What, so let's have a fucking jolly on when Draco murders a teacher and I'm not allowed to shout at him for it?" shouts Remus. "You need to get your priorities in order." He spins back to Draco. "Why did you kill him? He was harmless, why would you kill him? What's wrong with you? Do you have any idea what you've done?"
"Remus," Snape shouts. "Stop it."
Draco clenches his jaw, blinking heavily to put space between himself and Remus standing inches from his face.
"I know you're annoyed, but can you try and relax?" says Snape in an attempt to get him out of Draco's face. Remus stalks away to the other side of the room, eyeing them both darkly.
"Why were you covering for him?" he says sharply.
"I'm sorry I lied," Snape says, finally looking up at Remus properly. "Again. I'm sorry I lied about Horace on both counts."
"When will you stop bloody lying?" spits Remus. "I really thought I could trust you, Severus, but fuck me have you proved me wrong. You knew that Draco murdered an innocent professor and you chose to stay quiet and look the other way?"
"It's more complicated than that."
"I can see it's more bloody complicated and I'm asking you to explain to me what happened."
"Look at him, he's got his whole life ahead of him," says Snape, pointing to Draco. "Going to prison would ruin him."
Remus splutters in disbelief. "He's killed someone, Severus. He's taken away a life forever, he deserves to rot in prison." He turns to face Draco again. "Did you hear that? Stop hiding behind Severus and face up to your crime. You deserve every year inside you'll get."
"Remus, stop shouting at him," says Snape, grinding his teeth together, attempting to find a balance between being apologetic for lying and being stern enough not to let him talk down to Draco.
"You of all people know what Askaban does to a man," he says. "Can't you see why I don't want Draco locked up in there?"
"Don't you dare bring up Sirius," Remus says irately. "Have you stopped to consider that this is the exact fucking situation I was in sixteen years ago?" He slams his hand into the wall. "My best friend going down for a murder he never committed then allowing me to think that he's guilty when he's innocent?"
Snape bites his lip. He hadn't considered that.
"I can't do that again, Severus. I don't know how I've hung on for all these years, but a repeat of that would finish me off. I do apologise for being so awfully self-centred," he adds sarcastically, "but were you really about to let me think that you'd killed someone before being shipped off to Askaban for God knows how long?"
"Neither of us is going to Askaban," says Snape. "I came here to tell you that we're leaving."
"You're leaving?" Remus' anger subsides for a moment. He laughs humourlessly. "Jesus Christ, what lengths would you go to cover this up?"
"Please, Remus," Snape says.
"Don't 'please Remus' me. What lengths would you go to protect him?" Remus spits, stabbing a finger at Draco. "Covering up a murder? Risking your livelihood, your reputation, your life for him? Running away with him to avoid his murder charge when you've done nothing wrong? Draco is your student. He isn't worth all of this."
"Have some respect, he's standing right there," Snape says, gesturing angrily to Draco who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else.
Remus stares between them both. He sees how Snape looks at Draco as if he was his entire world, how sudden he was to jump in when he started shouting, how he protectively blocks the space between them. Then it clicks.
"I know who you pretend he is." He gives a scornful laugh. "I know exactly why you're doing all this."
Snape goes even paler than before. There's something in Remus' tone that isn't its usual, refined self.
"I am sorry that Lily is dead, truly Severus, I am, but for God's sake, this isn't healthy. You don't have to pretend you're raising her son. Risking yourself for him isn't going to bring her back."
Remus knows exactly how to deliver a punch to the gut, going for the thing that would hurt Snape the most. He had enough practice of it at school. Snape goes very quiet and very tense, his expression unreadable. Draco thinks he's about to snap, and so does Remus, but he simply exhales.
"I think that's rich coming from you considering you've only become friends with me again out of your desperation to replace your long-dead schoolmates," Snape says, delivering the line with stone-cold assurance.
"You have the audacity to come into my bedroom and talk about my friends when you've just covered up the murder of someone I've known since I was eleven?" Remus says, outrage plastered across his face. "Not only that, you've lied about this for nearly a week, to me, to everyone, making them believe he had killed himself, making a first year find his body who now has to go to therapy because she found her teacher dead in the courtyard. And all because you're so balls deep into the fantasy that Draco is your son that you can't see what the right thing to do is?"
"I am not pretending Draco is my son."
"What the hell is this then? Are you calling this the grieving process?" Remus says. "I suggest you find a better way to grieve because pretending that a random seventeen-year-old kid you've latched onto through your saviour complex is your son is not going to cut it."
"A better way to grieve?" Snape scoffs. "What, like drinking yourself unconscious every night then marrying a woman you barely know a year after the love of your life died?"
"How dare you," Remus hisses.
Snape holds up his hands. "I'm not pretending Draco is anything more than a student to me. You're just upset about Horace and lashing out by throwing about wild accusations in an attempt to hurt me."
"No, I don't think I am throwing out wild accusations," Remus says, theatrically waving an arm to circle Snape. "I think you'd better take a long, hard look at yourself. Because I've known you my whole life, Severus, and I know you get attached to little fantasies to cope, but my God is this one hell of a fantasy. You need to get your head out into the real world and face the fact that Lily is dead. She has been dead for sixteen years now and she is not coming back. You need to move on from it like I'm at least attempting to do with Sirius rather than get stuck in this preposterous rhetoric with Draco. He isn't going to fill any void or any guilt you have. You need to let him go."
Snape takes a long blink. Draco takes a tiny step back, preparing for a wrath like no other to be released. He doesn't understand Snape's connection with Potter's mother, but whatever Remus said seems to have struck a chord.
When Snape opens his eyes, his face is set in its usual stony grimace, betraying nothing.
"I came here to confess that I've been lying to you," he says icily. "Don't insult me by bringing up Lily and by making assumptions about my personal life and how I cope with grief when you hardly know me at all. Quite frankly, you have no idea what my relationship with Draco is like and I'd like you to refrain from commenting on it further."
Draco's eyes fly between the two, and it finally seems like the shoe is on the other foot with Remus looking minutely guilty while Snape purses his lips. He's familiar with this expression, and it's hard to distinguish one set of pursed lips from the other without practice. But Draco has seen this face before, usually reserved for situations with Slughorn involved. He knows Snape is downright furious.
"Fine," Remus says, his rage slowly fizzling away as he realises how insensitive his comments were. Unlike Snape, he's bothered by his own rudeness. "You should just come clean. Both of you. Tell the truth. They'll get to the bottom of it eventually so you might as well make it a bit less painful for yourselves."
"It's not that simple," Snape snaps.
"You haven't told me anything," retorts Remus. "Maybe I'd understand your perspective if you actually gave me something to work with. How did he die, under what circumstances, was it planned, was it a spur-of-the-moment decision, where was he killed, when? Can you give me anything at all?"
Snape looks to Draco to see how much he's willing to divulge.
"It wasn't planned, and he died in Professor Snape's classroom," says Draco emotionlessly. "We took his body up to the Astronomy Tower and threw it off."
Remus doesn't need to take a second glance at Draco's humiliated face to understand that he regrets it. "I'm not helping you two with this," he says. "Maybe you had your reasons, or maybe you didn't, but you're on your own. I'm not helping you cover up a murder."
"We don't expect you to."
"And Draco, I am appalled with you," Remus continues, turning to him with accusing fury. "Killing a professor who's been teaching you for years and years, then going along with it when it's ruled a suicide? His legacy is the professor who killed himself, a cowardly and selfish man when he was by all means a brilliant teacher and a brilliant man."
The words hit Draco like a slap to the face.
"You took away the life of a good man, under no circumstances is that acceptable."
A good man. Tears well up in the corners of Draco's eyes. However much he wants to scoff or roll his eyes or cry out or shout, he doesn't move a muscle. Just like how he's been forced to act for so long, Draco stands there and takes it like a good boy.
"Remus-" says Snape, picking up on the hurt emulating from Draco.
"Don't interrupt me," Remus says, staring furiously at Draco. "I want to know now. What could he possibly have done to deserve death? Go on, tell me Draco."
Draco doesn't move a muscle apart from a twitch in his cheek. He doesn't feel completely in the room.
"He's done nothing," Remus shouts, letting out a humourless laugh. "God, you teenagers are all so bloody dramatic you don't realise that not everything in the entire fucking world revolves around you."
"That is enough," Snape says sharply.
"I did what I had to do," whispers Draco, more to himself than anyone else, a haunted look on his face.
Snape walks over to him, shielding him from Remus. "Draco, it's okay. He didn't mean it."
Remus bites back a vicious comment as Snape lays a hand on Draco's shoulder. Draco looks distraught.
"Sorry," Remus says quickly, unable to detach himself from his kindness. He watches the pair, his point being proven once again. Snape is relying on Draco, no matter how much it seems to be the other way around, Remus is sure of it.
Snape spins back around to him, daggers in his eyes. "Have you quite finished?" he says, clipping the ends of his words.
"Just get out of my room," Remus says, attempting to stand his ground.
"Are you going to tell the Ministry?" Draco asks anxiously.
"I'm not getting myself involved," says Remus. "If I tell them I know it was you, they'll bring up all sorts of complicated questions. I don't want to know any of your plans, just leave me out of this."
"Thank you," says Snape.
"I'm not doing this for you," Remus says, his face still flushed with anger. "Either of you. I'm doing it for myself, all right?"
He moves to the side to let Snape pass.
"This whole time you really thought I was only friends with you to replace the Marauders?" Remus says, hurt replacing his anger.
"Wait out there, I'll be one minute," Snape says to Draco, who nods and stands in the corridor out of earshot.
He turns to Remus with a sigh. "No, no I don't," he says. "I was just angry. I know nothing could ever replace them."
"Ok."
"Look, I didn't want us to end like this," Snape says quietly after a moment. "I came here to give you an explanation because I didn't want to just leave suddenly and the next day you find out from the news that we're run-away criminals."
"You haven't given me much of an explanation for any of this."
"I know but I've honestly told you as much as I can," says Snape. "And I'm sorry it's not enough."
"Okay," Remus nods. "All right."
It's the closest Snape is getting to forgiveness.
Snape lingers in the doorway before leaving.
"Did you mean what you said about Draco?" he says in a low voice so Draco doesn't overhear.
"Yes, I did," says Remus. "I shouldn't have said it in such a way, but I do mean it. You're acting like he's the son you never had."
Snape swallows. "I see."
"People grieve in different ways," Remus shrugs. "And if your way is to pretend you're doing something to help Lily, then fine, but it's not good for you. It's going to destroy you when you realise Draco doesn't see you as his father."
Snape can't think of anything to say to this. At least it appears that Remus has calmed down.
"Do they know it was Draco?" Remus asks, realising he knows very little about the situation and jumped straight to tearing them both to pieces.
"We don't know for certain, but we think they have some pretty damning evidence," says Snape with a heavy heart. "We have to leave before they question us because that boy's been through enough and I think going to Askaban would break him for good."
"I see," says Remus. He glances out to Draco in the corridor well out of hearing distance. "Can't you tell me what happened? Don't you think you owe that much to me?"
Snape considers this for a moment. He looks at Remus' face and remembers all the times he never got involved with James and Sirius' taunts, the ease with which Remus trusted him, how he made an effort to bring him out of his isolated shell.
Remus is surprised when Snape speaks, convinced that he wasn't going to budge.
"Do you remember in March when I was talking to you about a dilemma I had?" Snape says.
Remus pauses to think. "Was this about the student and the professor?"
"Yes." Snape gives him a pointed look.
"Oh," says Remus, his eyebrows raising as the realisation hits him. "Was it about Horace and Draco?"
Snape nods and Remus tries to run the conversations back through his head. All he remembers was that Snape was extremely vague, but he was possibly the angriest he's ever seen him in his life.
"So, what?" Remus frowns. "Horace was blackmailing him and you? With what? And he did something to Draco, didn't he?"
"As I said, it's not my place to tell you the specifics," Snape says. "But Horace was not a good man, quite the opposite. Draco did what he had to, that I know for certain."
"What did Horace do to him?" Remus asks, now deeply worried.
Remus watches him falter for words, his face the picture of anxious affliction. "Severus? What did he do to Draco?"
"I can't tell you," Snape says after a moment. "I can't say any more."
Remus regards him for a long moment but doesn't push any further.
"How long will you be away?" he asks.
"However long it takes."
"I suppose this is it," says Remus, tilting his head sadly. "I'll see you in the future at some point. Or in another life, whichever it may be."
"Yes," Snape nods. Fond farewells aren't exactly his thing, and thankfully Remus knows that.
"Don't die on me, Severus."
"You'd be lucky."
Remus opens his arms. This time, Snape embraces him. They hold the hug for no more than a few seconds, but it's perhaps the most important few seconds of their friendship.
Snape leaves without another word.
The orange glow from a lamp illuminates the corridor. Draco watches Snape come out of the room with an odd expression on his face. Something tells him that he won't want to address the accusations Remus made, so he goes into an apology.
"I'm really sorry," says Draco, shame running through him as he remembers the way Remus regarded Snape as if he'd like nothing more than to murder him right then and there. He clenches back tears. "I didn't mean to ruin things."
"Draco, you haven't ruined anything."
"I've made Professor Lupin hate you."
"He doesn't hate me, he's just upset about Slughorn dying," says Snape. "I should be apologising to you. It's my fault we're in this mess in the first place. I never should've let them get their hands on the journal."
Draco opens his mouth to protest, but Snape gets there first. "None of that matters now, we have to look ahead," he says. "Let's go and say bye to Ron, then we can leave for good."
"Okay."
They walk in silence across the school and towards the Gryffindor Common room, both of them thinking about Remus' view on their relationship, and both of them determined to ignore it.
Draco focuses his attention on the task of preparing what he's going to say to Ron, if anything at all. He doesn't think he can face offering up the truth as Snape did to Remus. Hopefully, Ron will accept whatever he says. Knowing them, they will. It's almost too easy.
Ron is red in the face from laughing. "Don't look at me," he laughs breathlessly to Harry. "You'll set me off again."
"It wasn't even that funny," Harry wheezes, doubled over.
"We're so stupid." Ron wipes the tears from their face.
"Weasely."
Ron turns around to see Professor Snape standing in Gryffindor's Common room. Their smile instantly fades.
"Shit," they mutter to Harry. "One minute."
"Okay," grins Harry.
Ron can tell from Snape's solemnness that it can't be something good.
"Come with me," he says.
They follow Snape down the corridor and into a small room used for nothing in particular.
"Draco?" they say in confusion as they enter. Draco is standing in the room with two large suitcases at his feet. Snape closes the door but doesn't leave. His eyes skirt to the door anxiously.
"Hi," says Draco.
"What's going on?"
One glance at Ron's open face sends Draco into tatters. However hard he thought this was going to be, it's going to be harder.
"Ron, I..." he starts. "I'm going away for a bit. Me and Professor Snape."
"What? Is this about the Ministry? Did they talk to you?"
"No, not yet."
Ron gives him a confused look.
"We're going away from Hogwarts," Draco says more firmly this time.
"What are you talking about?" Ron frowns. "Going where?"
"Um. I can't say."
Ron peeks back at Snape, whose eyes stay on the door.
"What's happening?" they say in a hushed tone. "Draco, tell me. You're scaring me."
"Me and Professor Snape need to get away for a bit. We're going someplace to get away from all of this. I think I know the source of the accusation they were talking to you about and I can't afford to be questioned about it."
"Who's the source?" Ron asks.
Draco looks at their open face, relieved that he's found this source, and knows he can't tell them anything. He can't destroy their innocent ignorance.
"Ron, I'm just going to need you to trust me on this one, okay?" says Draco. "Professor Snape overheard them saying they're going to charge me and we're just, we're running away, basically."
"What the fuck?" Ron exclaims. "What do you mean just trust you? Who's this source? Why are you going with Snape? Where are you even going?"
Draco falters for words. His story made more sense in his head.
"I don't understand," Ron continues. "Why don't you just get your dad to bail you out of prison? The sentence for doing homosexual offenses or whatever they're calling it isn't even that long, it's like, weeks or a month or something. And aren't they going to charge me too if they know we're in a relationship?"
"Right, um, no," says Draco, the attempted lie falling through. "They don't know we're in a relationship."
Ron gives him a look. "What the fuck are they charging you with then?"
"What if I told you..." Draco says slowly. "That they were going to charge me for something else with a longer prison sentence?"
"Like what?" Ron glares at him, baffled. "What have you done, Draco?"
"I can't tell you."
"Why not?" they sigh, exasperated.
"Please, Ron, I- don't make me tell you. Just, please just trust me."
Ron's confused expression goes from indignant to hurt. "I do trust you," they say. "And I thought you'd trust me enough to tell me what you've done. You're a Death Eater and you almost bloody assassinated our headteacher. Whatever you've done this time can't be as bad as that."
Draco opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Ron says softly.
Draco shakes his head. "I'm sorry."
"Okay," they say eventually. "I'll trust you." Their mild expression shifts into a sad frown. "I just wish you didn't have to leave."
Draco grasps Ron's hands. "Come with us," he says. "We can make a new start away from all this. Together."
Ron shakes their head, wrapping their hands around Draco's cold fingers. "Draco," they say. "You know I can't do that."
"But it could work out, I know it could."
"I'm sorry," Ron whispers, a lump forming in their throat. "I need to stay here."
Draco slowly nods, devastated. "Ok."
They gaze into each other's eyes, and Draco brings his arms around their shoulders. Ron squeezes their eyes shut and hugs him back tightly, not giving Snape's presence a second thought.
"If the Ministry starts bothering you about me, deny everything, all right?" says Draco, framing Ron's face with his hands. "They have no evidence of anything. Refuse to answer any questions without a guardian and lawyer present. I can give you money if you can't afford a lawyer, whatever you need just tell me. If you think they're going to charge you or rumours are going around or your parents believe the Ministry over you or anything like that, get the fuck out and write to me and I'll come straight back and get you."
"How long will you be gone?" Ron whispers.
"I don't know," Draco says back, his voice cracking. "It might be a while. Well, it will be a while. But I won't forget about you, I promise."
"Okay," says Ron, biting his lip to stop himself from breaking out into ugly sobs. "Bloody hell, you're really leaving, aren't you?"
"I don't want to, I wish I could stay. I wish I could stay here with you."
"You better write to me every fucking day, you bastard," Ron says, letting tears roll down their cheeks. "You're not getting out of it that easily."
"I don't think I'll be able to write. It'll be too dangerous for both of us."
"What the fuck, Draco?" Ron glares at them with desperately furious eyes.
"This isn't the end, I promise," says Draco. "We will meet again."
"We better bloody meet again."
"In this life or the next," he mutters, echoing Remus' words.
"Don't say that," Ron whines, feeling their throat close up. It's the finality in Draco's voice that terrifies them.
They pull him closer, memorising the way their bodies slot together, never wanting them to part. Draco was right when he said they were made for each other, because in his arms, he has never felt so whole.
"Kiss me," Ron murmurs. "Kiss me before you go."
Draco rests his hands gently on the sides of Ron's neck and brings them into his face with one last intense kiss of bittersweet passion.
"I've been waiting for almost a year to say this, and I never found the right chance to, so I'll say it now," Draco says, stroking their cheek. "Ron Weasely, I love you."
Ron blinks away tears, desperately holding onto the feeling of his warm hands. "I love you too, Draco."
Draco caresses his hands through Ron's hair, holding his head just like he did on the night he fell in love.
"Please go before I start proper sobbing."
"Okay," says Draco, stepping away. "I swear this isn't the end. I will come back for you if it's the last thing I do."
Ron smiles painfully through tears.
"Promise you'll wait for me?"
"I promise," whispers Ron. "I will wait for you until the world falls down."
"Goodbye, Ron."
"Goodbye, Draco."
Draco glances back on the way out, falling into Ron's deep brown eyes for one last time. Ron stares back and gives him a defeated smile. They wouldn't mind if this was the last thing they ever saw, drowning in his pale blue depths until their lungs collapsed and their heart became his.
Snape leads Draco out, the door shutting behind them with a final click. They go round the back of the school and leave on foot under the guise of darkness for Snape's house.
By the time the wretched rays of the sun crawl their way up onto the turrets of Hogwarts the next morning, Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape are long, long gone.