M Rated

Chapter 21

A small ray of sunlight streamed through the room. Happily dancing off the sleeping woman in its way. Sara scrunched her eyes as the pesky ray made its way into her consciousness. She cracked an eye open and noticed it was still early. The sun had only just woken up and had seemed to decide, it was time for Sara to wake too.

She lifted a hand to rub her eyes. It was then she became aware of the familiar weight on her hip. Grissom's hand curled against her stomach, the gold of his wedding band shining in another ray that had peaked through the curtains. Sara smiled.

When was the last time she had slept that well? Not since the divorce. Probably not since Grissom's last trip to Vegas. She settled back into the pillow, content to stay in his embrace, when he shifted behind her.

Grissom laced his fingers with hers and Sara heard him sigh from behind her. It was that sound that made her turn, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him. His face was creased. Beard and hair mussed. And when he opened his eyes, they were still heavy with dreams.

"Good morning," he said, voice deep. Gravelly with sleep. She had missed that sound.

"How did you sleep?" Sara asked, unconsciously smoothing out his beard. Grissom's brought a hand up to capture hers and pressed it against his lips.

"It was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time," he confessed, looking up at her. He was so relaxed, so open. Sara could only smile. He brought her hand down to his chest, while his other brushed the exposed skin on her shoulder. Fingers slipping under the strap of her nightgown. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby," she said, and, without thinking, leant down to kiss him. Once their lips met, Grissom froze for half a second before bringing his hand to the nape of her neck, pulling her onto him.

It took her a moment to realise what they were doing. Grissom's hand was traveling across her waist, guiding her above him. Of their own volition, Sara's ran over his chest and in his hair. It was only when she was straddling him, did Sara pull back. A hand on his chest, stopping his movements.

"Sara?" Grissom shifted up to sit against the headboard. Sara shook her head, sitting back on her heels, not able to look at him.

"Why?" She asked. "Why? What happened? Why did you… what did I do?" She could feel the tears starting to build and bit her lip to keep them from falling. Grissom cupped her face, trying to tip her face up, but she wouldn't lift it. Couldn't lift it.

"Nothing," he said, softly. His thumb brushing across her cheek, wiping away a stray tear that had managed to escape. "You didn't do anything, sweetheart."

"Then why, Gil?" Sara asked, finally looking at him. "I know things weren't great, but why divorce? Why didn't you even speak to me about it?" Grissom sighed, guilt and pain flashing in his eyes. He shifted a little and Sara raised herself so he could extract his legs. She swung her right leg off the bed, curling the left in front of her, and tucked the foot under her thigh. Grissom mirrored her and they sat, facing each other. Lips still tingling from their first kiss in two years.

"I made a mistake, Sara," Grissom said, looking down at his hands. "The long distance wasn't working for me anymore. I wanted to be with you, to be a proper couple again." He sighed. "I was coming back, back to Vegas. I didn't have a plan of what I'd do when I arrived, but I knew it was where I needed to be. I needed to be with you."

"So, what happened?" Sara asked. She couldn't see how he could go from moving back to Vegas, to divorce.

"I was sent an email, the email had some photos…" he hesitated, glanced up at her before taking his phone for the bed side table. He flicked through a couple of things before handing it to her.

On the phone was a picture of Sara, and Jimmy. She was giving him a one-armed hug, a pint of beer in the other. Nick and Greg were behind them, sharing an amused grin. Sara was smiling. But Jimmy… one hand possessively on her waist, while the other grazed the back of her neck. His face set in a soft, contented smile as he kissed her cheek.

The caption below read: Let her move on. Let her be happy.

Sara's hand shook as she viewed the photograph. There were others, but Sara didn't bother to look. Knowing they would most likely be similar to the one she was currently staring at. Anger shot through her. Anger at Jimmy. At the person who sent the photo. At Grissom for believing it.

"You thought," she said, trying to keep her voice under control. "You thought that… that I would… I would ever…"

"No, Sara," Grissom said quickly, taking the phone. He placed it back on the table and made to reach for her, but Sara clasped her hands together in her lap. Trying desperately to stop them shaking. "I would never think that. I know you would never…"

"Then why?" She spat, jumping from the bed. She started pacing the room. "If you knew that I didn't… have never, slept with him. Anyone! Why would you throw everything we had away over a photograph?" None of this made sense. A photo! A photograph was the reason she lost her husband?

"Because you have a life here, Sara. A life that I wasn't a part of."

"I wanted you to," she shot back, rounding on him. "I wanted you to be a part of it."

"I know, Sara," he replied, standing also. "At least, now I do."

"What do you mean?" She asked, pausing in her pacing. Brow's furrowing. Grissom ran a hand through his hair, searching for the words to explain as he stood.

"It was hard, Sara. We had stopped talking and I… I thought that maybe you didn't want… that you might… I know you were busy. I understand, it's part of the job. I didn't want to think it… but after what happened with…" He paused, running a hand through his hair. Agitated. When he finally looked at her, his eyes were bright. Blinking rapidly. Tears burned her eyes as she finally understood. "Every time I tried to call you, and you didn't answer, I thought… … maybe… you were avoiding me… Because of…"

"The baby?"

Grissom took a shuddering breath. The pain they had both felt, sitting in the doctor's office, was still as prevalent now as it was then. The unanswered questions. The guilt she felt. The grief that coated them both.

"We both wanted it, so badly. And when we lost her… I felt like I lost you too. Like you blamed me."

"I never blamed you for that, Gil," Sara said. "If anything, I…"

"Don't," he said. "Don't go there, not again." Sara took a breath. She had this conversation with herself over and over again. Torturing herself, thinking of all the things she did, or didn't do. She had been warned, because of her age, there could be complications. But the OBGYN was happy, not worried. Sara had taken precautions. For the first time in her life, following her doctor's recommendations to the letter. And yet…

"It took a long time, for me to accept what happened," Sara said. "It was one of those things. Something no one could predict." There was no reason for it, even the doctors couldn't explain it. One minute she was there, the next she was gone. Leaving Sara, leaving them both empty, in every sense of the word.

"I know," Grissom said on a sigh. "But when we couldn't… again… I just. It was like this voice in my head that wouldn't let up." He raised a finger, tapping it against his temple. "It wouldn't stop telling me of all the times I've failed you. How I failed you in this. I didn't want to fail you again. I wanted you to be happy."

Sara didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say. They had tried so hard, for so long. And when they lost her… No one knew, not even Betty. It was a silent grief that neither of them could vocalise. They didn't talk about it. Couldn't talk about it. About anything.

"When I received the photos… I thought that, maybe, Jimmy was someone you were coming to care for. That you and he… that he might be able to give you what I couldn't. And I was holding you back. You were shackled to an old man, too stupid to realise what he had when he had it. Even as I was on my way back, the idea that you may have moved on – that you probably had moved on – kept running through my mind… Even if I hadn't."

She could see it all on his face. The self-loathing. The shame. The guilt. The pain. He fingered the ring on his left hand, shaking as he fought the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. It was the sight of that which caused the anger to drain form her. She was still mad at him, at what happened. But she wasn't angry. She'd been angry for too long, and Sara was tired of it. Exhausted.

"I hadn't," she said, softly. Grissoms eyes shot to hers, shame still shining brightly. But also, the beginnings of hope. Hope for what she might say. "I've never moved on. I wasn't even able to take my ring off. Not once." She took a tentative step forward. He looked so broken, so scared. Sara knew, if she wanted to, she could crush him with a single word.

But she didn't want too.

"Do you know when that photo was taken?" She asked, and he shook his head. "I was having drinks with Nick and Greg, a farewell of sorts." Grissoms brows furrowed slightly. "The long distance wasn't working for me, either. That night, I told the guys I was leaving."

"You were leaving?" Grissom asked, almost as if he couldn't let himself believe it.

"I wanted to be with you, Gil," she said, slowly closing the distance between them. "I needed you. I didn't care where we were, as long as we were together." She was in front of him now. If she only lifted a hand, and they would be touching. She waited.

"It takes two people to end a marriage, Gil," Sara said. "We were both to blame in this. Missed calls. Cancelled trips. We stopped talking. If we had talked about it, about her… If I had told you of my plans, or you had told me about the email, none of this would have happened. If we had spoken to each other. Been honest with each other. About how we felt, what we wanted, rather than wait for the other to speak up, we wouldn't have lost those two years." She paused, wanting him to understand.

"I'm still mad, Gil. I won't lie to you. You should have said something, especially when you received those pictures. But I should have spoken too. We should have tried harder. Then you would have known, baby or no baby, there could never have been anyone else."

He was watching her, intently. Eyes flicking between hers. Probing. Searching.

"I thought about you, every day," Grissom finally confessed. "Not matter what I tried, I couldn't get you out of my mind. I saw you everywhere." He took a breath, clenching his fists as to stop himself from reaching out to her. "If… if you tell me to go, I'll go. But…" His eye bored into hers, the blue so piecing she could feel it. "I have… you need to know… I need to tell you that… I love you, Sara. I have never loved anyone, as I love you. This is it for me, even if you send me away. There will never be anyone else." Tears filled Sara's eyes.

Do you love him?

I do.

She did reach for him then. There was still some anger, still some hurt. But Sara was tired of denying herself the one thing she wanted above all else. The love overrode everything. While they still had things they needed to work through, Sara wanted to do it. She wanted him. Them.

Cupping his cheek, she pulled his face to hers, resting their foreheads together. Closing her eyes as Grissom's hand settled on her waist, pulling her in.

"Things will need to be different," she said, eyes still closed. "No more long distance. No more separate continents or homes. We need to be together. A partnership, a team." She opened her eyes to look at him. His were lined with silver and Sara brought up a finger to wipe it away. "I don't care where we go, as long as we go together."

"Are you… you mean it?" He asked, his voice shaking as his eyes searched hers.

"This is it for me, too, Gil. There has never been and will never be anyone else." Grissom closed his eyes, a tear leaking out of the corner. His arms shook with the restraint he was maintaining, to keep himself from crushing her in his arms. She knew he wanted to, but he was waiting for her. Waiting for permission to give in.

"Kiss me, Gilbert," she whispered. Grissom opened his eyes and he gently, lovingly, brought up a hand to cup her cheek. It was soft, tentative. Grissoms lips grazing over hers, savouring each second. Then his hand slipped to the nape of her neck, angling her head so they could lock. His tongue swept across the seam of her mouth, and she gladly, greedily, opened herself up to him.

A hand slid down her back, pressing Sara harder against him. The hand that was at her neck glided down, brushing against the side of her breast, before settling on her waist. Sara fisted her own in his hair, and Grissom grinned against her mouth as she pulled on the strands.

Starting to get a little lightheaded, Sara broke the kiss and arched her neck, breathing heavily. Grissom instantly latched onto her, nipping at that one spot just below her ear. Earning him a low moan which came straight from her core.

Grissom started to bring the fabric of her nightgown up, goosebumps rose over her skin as the cool morning air hit it. He turned them and backed her to the bed. When the mattress hit her thighs, Sara pulled back a little. Giving Grissom room to remove her night garment.

She stood before him now, in nothing but her white cotton panties.

Grissom's eyes travelled her body. Full of need, want, desire. Love. He kissed her again, and as one, they lay back on the bed. Sara pulled at the hem of his shirt, bringing it over his head and throwing it to the floor.

Hovering above her, shirtless, Grissom paused as Sara took him in. From the spattering of hair across his chest, the slight gut and more prominent bulge in his boxers. When she met his eyes once more, Sara smirked and pulled him down to her.

Grissom nudged her legs with his knees, and she spread them. Letting him settle between her. Sara hooked one over his thigh as she ground against him. Grissom growled into her mouth and Sara couldn't stop the giggle that escaped her. He left her lips, leaving wet, hot kisses down her neck, across her chest, to her breast and took a nipple in his mouth.

Biting, then licking away the sting. Sara arched her back, pressing herself further into him. One hand reached up to cup and knead the left, while the other travelled south. Tracing lazy circles over her stomach, the inside if her thigh, halting right where she wanted him. Sara bucked, trying to get any sort of friction. But Grissom chuckled and placed a hand on her stomach, stilling her.

His mouth moved back up to her lips and he kissed her once more. His fingers teasing her entrance through the fabric, already soaked with need.

"Oh, God, Sara," he moaned against her mouth. And he moved back to her neck, nipping, and sucking her skin while his finger flicked the fabric to the side. When he finally touched her, Sara thought she would come then and there. Nothing she had dreamed, or fantasised about, would ever come close to feel of him. Nothing made her feel more desired. More cherished… More loved.

A finger entered her, and Sara let out a whimper.

"You're so… God," Grissom moaned as he pumped into her, Sara grinding against his hand. Another finger entered her then, curling. Stretching her, teasing her. She was moving harder, faster, she didn't even notice Grissom leave her neck as his thumb started working on her clit.

"Gil," she breathed, and clenched her hands in the sheets. She wanted to come with him, but if he… oh God, she didn't want him to stop. Another finger, and Sara lost all thought. Her focus solely on the fingers inside her, building her.

She actually cried when he withdrew, tears of frustration building. But she didn't need to wait long.

"I want to taste you," Grissom said, against her entrance. His voice deep and husky. Sexy. God, she had missed that sound. Heat flooded her as his tongue replaced the fingers. He licked, sucked, nipped and Sara road him. Hard. Grinding on his face was as much enthusiasm as she had his hand.

His thumb was still working her clit, when a finger joined his tongue. It curled in just the right place, hitting that magical button that had Sara clenching around him. She cried out his name, as waves of pleasure crashed over her.

She was still coming down as Grissom made his way back up her body, his fingers still working her through it. Sara grabbed his face and kissed him, hungrily. She could taste herself in his mouth. His beard was sticky from her juices, but she didn't care. Grissom had pulled her underwear down as he worked on her, and she kicked them to the side. She was lying there, naked, as his tongue worked it magic once more. This time in her mouth.

Sara's hand snaked down and palmed him through his boxers. Grissom bucked against her touch, moaning into her mouth. Sara smirked. She rubbed him once more, before slipping her hand in the waist band, pulling them down. Grissom shifted, giving her more room to work, then kicked off the offending garment. Sending them flying across the room. He pulled back, and Sara looked at him. Every inch. She bit her lip.

God, she had missed this man.

She reached down and took him in her hand. Rubbing her thumb over the tip, spreading the juice that had squeezed out over the shaft. She gripped him, firmly, as her hand glided up and down. Grissom grunted, closing his eyes as he trusted in her hand.

"Sara," he grunted and stopped the hand that was on him. "If you keep that up, we won't get much further." He gave her a half smile, and she only smirked back. Shifting under him, spreading herself and hooking a leg over his thigh.

"What are you waiting for, then?" She asked, her voice was husky. Deeper than usual, and Grissom's pupils dilated at the sound. He reached down, and Sara brought her hands to his back as he guided himself into her.

With one long, deep, trust, he was finally in her. Sara let out a gasp as he filled her and Grissom paused, giving her time to relax around him. Then he was moving. Slowly at first, pulling out to the tip then pushing in.

It didn't take him long to pick up the pace, and Sara matched him, trust for trust. They moved as one. Sara gripped at his back, digging her nails in and Grissom buried his face into her neck. She was building once more. Core pulling. Heat rising. Grissom pulled back and hooked one of her legs over his arm, giving himself a different angle. Driving deeper than he had before.

Sara bit her lip. The feel of him, inside her, around her. She gripped him. Pulling him harder. Faster and faster. She was close, she could feel herself tightening around him once more. It had been so long, for both of them, that the climax came quickly.

"Sara!" Grissom groaned as her walls closed around him. Pushing him over the edge just as she went herself.

"Gil!"

He pumped a few more times, each of them riding the final remanets of their joint orgasm. Leaning over her, Grissom propped himself on his forearms so as to no crush her. He was panting, sweat beading on his forehead. Sara kissed it. Her breaths coming out in short bursts. Grissom looked up at her, grinning that boyish grin and Sara giggled. He kissed her before pulling out and gathering her against his chest.

Neither of them caring for the liquid now drying between them, or the sweat clinging to their bodies. Sara kissed his chest.

"I missed you," she sighed, and Grissom tightened his arms around her.

"I missed you too."

They lay like that, happy in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Sara could feel her eyes dropping. Grissom kissed her brow and Sara smiled before drifting off into a peaceful slumber.