Chapter 49
Sara stood, staring at the assignment board. Russell's name had been erased and replaced with Lindsey's, the newest CSI already had 'solved' magnets over two of her cases. Each member of the team had different cases written below them. Each member of the team was working on something, waiting for something. Each member, that was, except her.
Sara had no more cases. No more pending results, or paperwork for her attention. No more court dates, or upcoming experiments. Just a few minutes ago she had given Nick her last report and, in just six minutes and thirty-eight seconds, her shift would be over. She would no longer be Sara Sidle, CSI. She would be Sara Grissom. Wife. Partner. Advocate. Explorer… She held a hand to her stomach. There was no confirmation yet, but Sara could feel it. Like before.
Over the last few weeks, ever since the explosion at the cabin, Sara had helped Nick with the fall out of Jimmy's crime spree. Closing cases by matching the suspects with Jimmy, or one of the patients he had forced to do his dirty work. Sara had even taken it on herself to speak to the next of kin for Jimmy's patients. The illogical feeling of guilt still weighing her down. It had been long, hard, and tiering.
The only consolation to the monotonous work she had been tasked with, was the ability to do it with her husband. Ecklie had agreed to keep Grissom on, as a consultant of sorts, to help clear the cases faster.
It had been some of the best weeks she had spent in the lab. Catherine and Vartann dropping in most days. Grissom bending over a microscope, Hodges hovering at his shoulder. Her team, her friends, working around her. Russell had even stayed a little longer than he planned, after resigning his position as supervisor, to help.
She remembered the last conversation she had with the former supervisor, the day he left. He had wanted to slip out, unnoticed by the team. Not one for big goodbyes or 'hoo-ha', as Russell liked to say. But Sara managed to catch him in the locker room before he had the chance.
"So, you're off," she said, leaning against the door, watching him pack the last of his belongings. Russell looked up and smiled. "I'm surprised Finn hasn't organised a big celebration."
"Why do you think I told her my last day is Friday?"
Sara only laughed. She watched as the older man place a lid on the box before him, resting his hand on it with a sigh. She understood why he was leaving – after all, she was going for the same reason – but it didn't stop the bittersweet feeling of change well up within her. Russell was a good man. A great CSI, and an encouraging and enthusiastic leader. Sara would miss him, a lot. Almost as much as she would miss Nick and Greg.
Over the years, the pair had developed a close friendship. He became a confidant to her, especially after the divorce. She could confide things with him that she couldn't, or wouldn't, burden Nick or Greg with. He was the first person, after Grissom, that she had talked about her mother's condition. The first person she went to when Basderic tried to frame her. Sara trusted him. And he trusted her, supported her. Right from the beginning.
"Thank you, Russell," she said, softly. "For everything." Trying to sum up everything they had been through in those few words. The white-haired hippy smiled at her through his glasses. Face creasing as his lips tilted up.
"It's been a pleasure," he said. "Working with you. All of you."
"I'm sure there were times you wondered what you had gotten yourself into," Sara teased.
"Yeah, but it's been great." He drew her into a hug, squeezing her shoulder before pulling away. "Look after yourself, Sara."
"You too," Sara replied, smiling up at him. "Say hi to Barbara for me, when you get to Seattle."
"I will."
Russell left that day. As far as she knew, she was the only one able to say goodbye before he disappeared. But that was just like Russell.
With the supervisor's departure, it cemented the fact that the lab was changing. Many of the people Sara had worked with, had come to care for, love, were gone. Lost, or moved onto better things. Now it was her turn.
It hadn't always been good. Sara had dealt with her fair share of hardships in this lab. But she wouldn't change it for anything. Not one moment.
Here she had found her family. Here she had fell in love, and been loved in return. Her husband was half expecting her to change her mind, she knew it. He had even reached out to a couple of professors at WLVU, to see if they had any positions open on the off chance she would. But as the day grew closer, Sara became more excited. It was time to close the book on this chapter of her life. Even though, she knew that Vegas would always be a part of her.
Much like Grissom had, all those years before, Sara had managed to have a moment with each member of her team. Morgan cried as she hugged her. Finn smiled and told her to "give them hell." Hodges, Henry, Mandy, and Archie had all said they would miss her. Robbins told her to stay in touch. Brass had patted her on the shoulder and David hugged her. Each moment was precious. Each moment was one she would not forget.
But they didn't compare to Nick and Greg.
The two of them had cornered her as she was emptying out her locker. Just as she had done to Russell. Blocking the exit. Nick with his arms crossed. Greg stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"You're not planning on leaving without saying goodbye, are you?" Nick said from the door.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Sara laughed. The two men pushed their way into the room, sad smiles lighting their faces. Nick was first, pulling her into a rib cracking hug. Sara held onto him, tight. "Stay in touch," he almost whispered to her. His voice thick.
"I will," she promised. Tears starting to prick at her eyes as she held onto her friend. Greg was next. His hug was a little more gentle, but no less tight. He gripped her back and Sara closed her eyes as he held her.
"I'll miss you," he said, just as he had done two years before. Sara pulled away, smiling at her two friends. This was hard, harder than she thought it would be. "You better come back and visit."
"Are you kidding me? I'll visit so much; you'll be sick of me." The two men only laughed. Greg shrugging his shoulder and putting his hands back in his pocket. His eyes were looking suspiciously bright, not that Sara could comment. Her own were just as bad.
"Do you know where you're going, yet?" Nick asked. Sara sniffed, bushing a strand of hair out of her face. Blinking to not release her tears.
"No," she said. "We want to have some time, just us, before we join up with the Sea Sheppard."
"Sara Sidle," Nick said, holding his hand up before him, using it to punctuate each word. "CSI at sea."
"Grissom," Sara corrected him. Her stomach fluttering, as it did every time she called herself by that name.
"It's got a good ring to it," Nick said, smiling. The guys didn't stay for long, both of them having work to do. But that moment, just the three of them, was more precious than a thousand parties or gifts. Sara might even go as far to say that it was perfect. A hug. A smile. A promise to stay in touch, and they were gone. Leaving Sara standing alone once more, in the dim light of the locker room.
There was a melancholy in goodbye. A sadness that hit her at the most unexpected moments. Writing up a report with Greg, knowing this would most likely be the last time she would get to work with him. Joking with Finn, aware that she would not be seeing her friend for a long time. Teasing Morgan. Bantering with Nick. Robbins' awful jokes. Brass' dry wit.
She would miss them all. With all her heart.
She sensed him, as he came up behind her, and sighed when she felt his hand on the small of her back. Eyes burning with bittersweet tears.
It had been wonderful, working with him, here, at the lab. Flirting with him over evidence. Secret smiles across the breakroom. It was as it was when they first started out on their story. A reminder of their secret romance, and unfaltering love. Only better.
They had talked, just as she promised. Though it wasn't on the Ishmael like she originally thought. But it happened. It was tough, and painful. Each confessing the hurt they had felt over the years. The things that went wrong, and what they wished could have been. She told him everything that had happened. Every detail of the Basderic case. What had happened in Larkson. The Mediterranean. The brush she and Greg had with the CDC.
She confessed the anger she felt that he wasn't there, even though she knew he wouldn't be. How could he? He didn't know.
He told her how it hurt him when she decided to stay in Vegas. How he wished she would come to him, or ask him to stay. How, whenever he visited, he felt… excluded. Or, when he left, he felt empty. He confessed his own anger over the events that had happened the last two years. That he didn't know. That she didn't tell him – even if he understood it.
They talked about the baby. How, even after all this time, they still missed her. Their unnamed child, that no one knew existed. How they needed one another but were afraid to say. They talked about her. Their dreams for her. What she would have been like, look like. Laughed at the imagined trouble she might had gotten herself into. Cried at the fact that they would never know.
"I named her," Sara confessed one night. The two of them were laying on their bed in the hotel. Sara curled up to Grissom side, not able to look at him as she spoke. "In my head. When we lost her, I couldn't bare the idea of her dying nameless."
Grissom was silent for a moment and the familiar feeling of fear started to creep upon her.
"What did you name her?" He asked. Sara pushed up on her elbow, searching his face. It was open, soft. Understanding. He smiled at her as he brushed a hair out of her face. Sara let out a breath.
"Clara," she said. She looked down to their hands, where her fingers were playing with his. Clara had been one of her foster sisters, one her best friends growing up. Sara was one of the lucky ones, Clara wasn't. She died only a few years after Sara started collage. Her boyfriend at the time liked to indulge himself, and Clara paid the price. But Sara still remembered her. The vibrant red-haired girl, who protected her. Supported her.
Sara had lost many of her foster siblings over the years. But there were only two that really hit her. Only two that, all these years later, she still thought about. Still missed. Her sisters in every way but blood.
"Clara," Grissom mused allowed. "It's a good name. A strong name."
"Did you think about that?" She asked, hesitantly. Glancing up at him through her lashes. Pain filtered across his face, and he pulled her to his chest.
"No," he said. Sara could feel a shudder run through him. "We didn't even know the sex, and then it happened. I didn't let myself think about it. Couldn't let myself think about it. I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
"That I didn't think about it. Or even about what sex they might be. I just…" Sara cut him off with a kiss.
"You don't need to apologise for being in pain or being hurt. We dealt with it differently, and that's ok. I just wish we dealt with it together."
"So do I," he said, pressing a kiss to her brow. If they had, things would have worked differently. "Thinking about it," Grissom continued. "I think a little girl would be nice. With big brown eyes just like yours."
"I was thinking ocean blue," Sara replied. Smiling at the picture of their daughter. Thick, dark hair and piercing blue eyes. A mixture of Sara and Grissom in the face, while still being completely her own.
"You would have been an amazing mother," Grissom said in her hair.
"And you would have been an amazing father," Sara replied. At that time, they didn't think it would ever happen. It had been so long, and they had tried so hard, it didn't seem possible. She wouldn't let herself dream.
They spent weeks, talking about everything. Finally confessing the things they had dared not do before. There were tears, there was pain. But most of all, there was love. Love, and a promise to never give up. A renewal of their vows over and over again. For the first time in their relationship, there were no secrets. Everything was laid out before them. No more hiding. No more protecting. They were stronger than ever.
"Are you sure?" Grissom asked, bringing her back to the present. Even now. Even after all this time. All their decisions. All their preparations. He would drop it all if she but said the word. Her heat glowed with the warmth of his love. The depth of his affection for her.
Her entire being overflowed with love for him. And though there will be some sadness in the separation from her friends, it was nothing in comparison to their future together. The family they were creating. Their adventure was waiting. Calling for them. And Sara gladly answered.
"It's time, Gil," she said, picking off a magnet from the board. She smiled up at her husband, eyes shining with all the emotion she could possibly feel. All the ardour and adoration. All the tenderness and joy. All the passion and devotion.
Husband and wife turned back to the board as Sara lifted her hand. Her fingers lingered a second, tracing the lines of the word which perfectly summed up her life in Vegas.
Eighteen years ago, Sara Sidle started working a case, a case she wasn't even aware of. His case. Her case. Their case. A case that spanned almost her entire adult life. A case that brought pain and joy in equal measure.
A case that she had solved.
Now, walking out into the blinding Vegas sunlight with her husband, a new case was open before her.
A new chapter.
A new future.
A new life.