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Chapter 135- The Girl In Question
"Hope you're right", Buffy said to Tara as she turned on the recording.
Angel and Gunn walked through the hallway, talking about a situation, with Gunn reminding Angel of the baby incident, and Angel decided to send Spike. Spike was playing a handheld video game and seemed uninterested in getting the remains of Capo di Famiglia of the Goran Demon clan, who'd died on a business trip to Italy, and his body needed to be returned for a ritual that'd bring him back, within 26 hours. Capo was tolerant of humans, rival gangs which would try to fill the void won't be. Angel eventually took away Spike's video game, then got a call and looked upset as Spike asked. "All right, what is it this time? Uber-vamps? Demon gods? Devil robots?" Angel revealed. "It's Buffy."
Now all seemed shocked as Dawn asked. "What does that mean? Are you in trouble?"
"Well, Italy's mentioned, remember our plan of sending you, Andrew and a decoy there?" Buffy reminded, and Dawn nodded. "I think this has something to do with it." She turned to Dawn. "Just hope you're safe. And the decoy too."
"I think it is best to abandon that plan now considering what we are supposed to prevent", Giles told Buffy and she agreed.
"Yeah, and even if we do it, no Andrew", Buffy shrugged which made them smile.
Angel stormed out of his office into the lobby, followed by Gunn and Spike. "I said I'll take care of it." Gunn asked. "Take care of what?" Spike asked. "Is Buffy all right?" Angel said. "She will be when I get there." Spike asked. "What happened? What happened?!" Angel stopped near the elevator and faced them. "The Immortal." "The who?" Spike sighed. "The foulest evil hell ever vomited forth." Harmony asked. "Worse than you?" He was spotted in Rome near Buffy's—" Angel turned to the elevator. Gunn realized. "Wait a minute. Rome. That's where the Capo died." Spike agreed. "Oh, wait a minute. That's definitely his M.O." "The Capo's?" Angel explained. "The Immortal. He whacks the Capo, lures me to Rome, takes out a Slayer and a Vampire with a soul." Gunn added. "Plus he starts a war when the Capo's body isn't returned for resurrection. This guy's good." "So am I. Harmony, have the jet fueled and ready for takeoff." Angel walked purposefully toward the elevator.
"Okay, this seems really bad", Willow told the rest, who didn't disagree.
"Yeah, Capo dead, and your decoy seems to be caught up with this Immortal guy", Tara said with narrowed eyes. "To lure Angel there."
"Well, hope they handle it", Buffy hoped.
Spike joined Angel. "You really think we could take him?" "Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, "we"?" Angel pressed the elevator call button). "What? You don't think I'm gonna let you traipse off to Italy without me, do you?" The elevator dinged. "You don't speak the language." "I'll get a book." The elevator doors opened and a man walks off between Angel and Spike. "Spike, you're only gonna make things worse." Angel walked inside and Spike followed. "Look, we get the Capo's body, we rescue Buffy, we stop The Immortal. It's that simple. Unless he kills you, which would be sad." Angel assured. "He's not gonna kill me." Spike smirked. "Not if I'm with ya." The elevator doors closed.
"Don't want Spike to see me, Angel?" Buffy asked with a smirk. "Come on, don't be jealous."
"Yeah, if this Immortal is that bad, he should take all help, even from Spike", Dawn agreed.
Angel and Spike were sitting in the cabin of the private corporate jet beside each other, but on opposite sides of the aisle. "Just admit it: You think you're gonna ride in, save the day, and sweep Buffy off of her—" "Like you're not thinking the same thing." "I'm already seeing somebody", Angel pointed out. "What, dog girl?" "Nina's a werewolf, and—" Spike asked. "Fido know her boyfriend's flying halfway around the world to visit his ex?" Angel said. "Hey, look, I was gonna call her, and we're just... hangin' out. She's not my girlfriend." Spike shrugged. "This rate, never will be."
"Oh yeah, say bye-bye to her if you keep this up", Xander agreed.
"Me and him had our thing, its done, I used to think we're soulmates, we're not, it was a passionate high school thing", Buffy said firmly. "That's it."
"Doesn't concern you, Spike." Spike grinned widely. "I just wanna see you happy." He leaned closer. "Well, not too happy, 'cause then I'd have to stake ya." He sat back and smiled. "Second thought, have at it." "This isn't about us." "You and Nina?" "Me and you. This is a dangerous mission that's only gonna get worse if we don't put aside our differences. Look, we have to work together on this to stop The Immortal and save Buffy." Angel sighed. "Oh, and pick up that demon body thingy." "Partners, then?" "Just like old times. You want a drink?" "God, yes."
"Funny, you come up and the actual mission's forgotten", Dawn said as the rest chuckled.
"I think both of them need a smack in the head", Buffy told the rest with an eyeroll.
"We're with you all the way", Tara assured Buffy and got a smile in return.
The two had drunk a lot later and chatted, before Angel revealed he'd gotten word of Buffy in trouble from a source, and Spike realized he'd been spying on her, sending his lackeys to do the stalking, it was pathetic. Angel said he wasn't proud of it was but it was Buffy, and he'd only got one, who got spotted and was in a hospital. Spike said he should have gotten more people to do it, and Angel said they'd be landing soon, reminding of the last time they were in Italy.
Buffy looked angry now, at both of them. "So you sent your lackey to stalk me, or my decoy", then she turned to Spike. "And you think there should be more. What is wrong with you two?"
"I think their brain stops working when you're brought up", Xander sighed.
"I care about both of them, love Spike, but I don't need either of them looking out for me, I can do it myself", Buffy said with a scoff.
"But you have to admit, if the Immortal is that bad, this had one good result", Willow said and got a glare from Buffy. "Not justifying Angel, just saying."
Buffy sighed. "All right."
Spike remembered when he was in Italy with Drusilla in the 50s, and they were dressed like the 50s too, acting coolly and speaking Ciao with an Italian woman.
"I wonder what they were up to here", Dawn commented. "Must be a funny story."
"Not as funny as the story of how many times I'll punch them once this is done", Buffy quipped.
Angel said he wasn't in Italy in the 50s, Spike quipping he'd missed out, so it was 1894. In 1894, Angelus and Spike were in their underwear, hanging limply from chains, and they'd been tortured by the Immortal. They struggled to get free, spouting how brutally they'll kill the Immortal, but made no headway. Then a man in a suit arrived with bodyguards, and slapped Angelus' face gently with his gloves. He then unshackled them both and passed on the Immortal's apologies for detaining them, but he had been here 300 years ago, so they must leave this place, but Angelus broke his neck. The others aimed their crossbows but Angelus threatened to snatch them out of thin air and shove them up their arses, so they ran off as Angelus told Spike hadn't done that before. They dressed up, and later found Darla, sprawled out naked, face-down, her hair disheveled, and wondered what Immortal had done to her.
"Whoa! This Immortal is really hardcore if he could have Angelus and Spike tortured just like that!" Xander said, everyone else too wondering just how terrifying and powerful he truly was.
"And Darla too, so Drusilla would be nearby, he got them all", Buffy noted grimly. "Guess I do need Angel and Spike in fighting this, but since its not me, the decoy and you, Dawn, need them even more."
"Looks like it", Dawn agreed grimly.
"Well, at least they got his guy", Willow shrugged.
Illyria touched the bamboo plants wistfully as Wesley and Lorne observed her, and Illyria said they reveled in her defeat, finding the fate worse than death. Lorne offered a sea-breeze but she was unamused. Wesley asked her to return to the lab so they could figure out how she'd function, so she went because it suited her. Wesley told Lorne her powers were gone but was unpredictable.
"Yeah, very, and she is not taking this well", Tara agreed. "But at least its better than the alternative."
"Yes, the problem now is how to get her on their side, as much as I am not in favor of it", Giles commented.
That moment, Fred's parents arrived, revealing they were about to go to Hawaii and wanted to meet Fred first. Wesley told them to come to his office and they followed him as Illyria watched from above.
Now all paled as Willow realized. "They were never informed."
"This is going to be bad", Buffy said, none of them looking forward to it, because unlike most of them, Fred had 2 loving parents, they would both be devastated now.
"Poor them both", Dawn said, her heart beating faster as she thought of their reactions.
Angel and Spike knocked on an apartment door and Andrew answered, wearing a robe over a t-shirt with his hair disheveled. He hugged Spike, then stepped back, all of them confused over why the other was here, and Andrew revealed Buffy and Dawn were letting him crash after his casa was burnt due to a cultural misunderstanding, and he invited them in as they tried to walk together but got stuck in the doorway before Angel wiggled free and entered first.
That little bit made them both chuckle before Dawn said. "Rome or not, he's not crashing with us."
"Hell no! We're just gonna kick him out", Buffy agreed. "Idiot."
"Yeah, really not liking seeing him here, hope both of them punch him", Xander hoped.
"His intentions don't seem good either", Tara told the rest.
Angel and Spike both wanted Buffy, and Andrew revealed she was meeting the Immortal, eventually letting out that both were together, and now Spike told Angel. "It's worse."
"Oh my God! My decoy is dating the Immortal?" Buffy scoffed angrily. "Abandon plan completely, I have a reputation to maintain."
"Good Lord, Andrew is leading them both on with this", Giles said.
"Well, he still needs to keep the decoy a secret but yeah, he could just tell them anything and send them back instead of leading them on a goose chase", Tara agreed.
"Back to his old ways, isn't he?" Willow asked, and the rest nodded.
In the flashback, Angelus pulled Darla up and kissed her, but then realized the Immortal had tasted her. Spike thought Immortal had violated Darla, till she revealed she'd let him, standing up, wrapped in a sheet. Darla was smitten with him, saying he'd spent 150 years in a Tibetan monastery. Spike commented Angelus had been made a cuckold, only for Drusilla to come out of the next room in a lacy negligee, and Spike realized she'd sex with the Immortal too. And it had been done concurrently, which they never let Angelus or Spike do. Darla told Drusilla they could have a bath and let the boys weep privately, and Drusilla wanted to be held underwater as they walked off, giggling.
Now everyone was even more surprised by what they were saying.
"So he captured and tortured Angelus and Spike, and banged both Darla and Drusilla together, with their consent", Xander summed up. "What the hell is he?"
"Some kind of sex-God or something", Willow sighed. "Oh what the hell?"
"And they think he's dating you", Dawn told Buffy. "Well, considering how he got Darla and Drusilla, the concern and jealousy is understandable."
"I am not dating the Immortal! How can they even think that?" Buffy said angrily.
Angelus shattered a vase as both agreed it was time for blood vengeance. Later, they tried to enter his party but their names weren't on the list according to the bouncer, and when they tried force themselves in a magical force field bounced them back, so they had to leave, angry at the Immortal for mocking them at every turn, noting his past slights against them, and Angelus ranted. "This isn't over yet, Immortal! This'll never be over!"
"We can see that", Buffy rolled her eyes at the testosterone display.
"He made a fool out of Angelus and Spike both", Tara commented. "I think that can be called impressive considering how big they were."
"Bottom line, don't mess with the guy", Xander said. "Though I'm wondering why we never heard of him till now."
"Same", Willow nodded.
In present day, Angel and Spike waited in the parlor of a fancy house, looking defeated as a creepy Demon guy watched them, dressed like a normal person. The two agreed how Buffy would never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil, so she had to be under a spell, so they'd find Capo's body, and break the Immortal's whammy.
"Never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil, huh?" Dawn asked Buffy with a raised eyebrow.
"Well…." Buffy trailed off, understanding Angel and Spike a bit better, though she was still angry about this goose chase.
"Wonder how their plan goes down", Xander commented.
A female Demon then arrived, carrying a bowling ball bag which had Capo's head, and he could still be resurrected from it if the ritual was performed in time, so they left together with it.
"Now don't waste time, and go back, it doesn't even look like the Immortal's that much danger", Buffy told them. "Though the decoy and Andrew are ruining my reputation."
"They won't this time", Tara assured.
Angel and Spike returned to the apartment but Buffy wasn't back so they asked Andrew where they were. Roger and Trish entered Wesley's office, commenting sweetly about Fred and what they team did, then asked where Fred was. Wesley was about to tell them of her fate when Fred arrived, looking human and normal, and hugged them both as they looked happy to see her, and Wesley stared incredulously.
"Wait what?" Xander asked before realizing. "Illyria."
"So she took Fred's form, guess she can do that too", Willow commented. "And now they don't know."
"I believe it is better to inform them than letting them believe a lie", Giles pointed out it would be ethically wrong to keep their daughter's true fate from them.
"Yeah", Dawn agreed, but also understood why they weren't told. "But ignorance is bliss, you know?"
"Let's see how it goes down here", Buffy wondered.
"Hopefully, not too bad", Tara hoped.
Angel and Spike made their way through a crowded dance club, asking a sexy female bartender about a blonde, then mentioned the Immortal, and saw a blonde dancing in the middle, looking quite wild. Spike decided to go get her, but Angel stopped him, knowing his intentions. Spike said. "Look! I know I don't have a shot with her, all right? Probably never did, but I still care about her, and I'm not gonna let her end up with a jerk like The Immortal."
"Awwww", Buffy said, now not mad at Spike, feeling touched. "He cares about me. And don't worry, you have a chance."
"Good", Dawn smiled.
"Or you." "Hey, ours is a forever love." Spike scoffed. "I had a relationship with her, too." Angel replied. "OK, sleeping together is not a relationship." Spike shrugged. "It is if you do it enough times."
"What are you both, five?" Buffy now asked with a scoff as she rolled her eyes, angry again.
"Deadboys are both such morons", Xander said, and no one disagreed this time.
"Spike." "What?" "The head." "I thought you had it." They looked back at the bar to see the butler from the house where they picked up the head carrying the bag away. "Hey!" They chased the butler; Spike put his hand on the butler's shoulder. "Where you think you're going with our head, Jeeves?" "Anywhere he wants." Angel and Spike turned to see several large, bulky muscle-men standing behind them. Angel asked. "Don't suppose we can talk about this over a nice amaretto?" One of the men punched Angel.
"Look what your stupidity did", Willow said. "Stop thinking with your…well, that, and start thinking with your heads."
"With how stupid they're acting, doubt they have their heads left", Xander shrugged.
"If they have, I'll tap them both there", Buffy scoffed.
"Take Me in Your Arms" by Dean Martin played over the fight which was in slow motion. A man punched Angel, and he staggered back. Spike jumped the man, knocking him down. Angel engaged another man, punching him, while Spike kicked the man he tackled before. They continued to fight, exchanging punches. Angel grabbed the man he was fighting and threw him headfirst into the wall. Spike punched his man in the face, shattering a display at the bar. Angel walked toward Spike, but Spike punched him in the face. When Spike stood and looks at whom he punched, he realized it's Angel. Angel looked at Spike, wondering why he would hit him. Angel rubbed his jaw, then got an angry look on his face before returning Spike's punch. Spike looked angrily at Angel, and they both reared back to swing, punching each other in the face. The scene played at regular speed now.
"Don't need to do anything now, they punched each other", Buffy shrugged. "You two had it coming."
"Hope they learn their lesson now", Dawn suggested.
"Based on their behavior, not so sure", Tara sighed.
Angel got up. "What the hell are you doing?" Spike yelled. "I was confused, ya git! It's very loud in here." Angel and Spike saw the butler leaving with their head and gestured with his fingertips before leaving. They rushed after him.
"Both idiots", Xander muttered.
"Tell me about it", Buffy sighed.
The two rushed out as a car rushed past them, nearly running them down, and it was theirs. So Spike started a nearby motor scooter and after an argument, Angel got behind him, putting his arms around Spike's waist as they drove off, chasing. A random person then pulled in front of the butler on a motor scooter so he swerved as they almost caught up to him but he turned a corner, and they eventually faced him on, but he drove into their scooter, throwing them down and destroying the scooter as both of them angrily ranted at each before Spike asked. "We only have 12 hours to get that head back before Los Angeles becomes a demon war zone. Should we argue some more, or should we get on with it?" Angel agreed. "Ah, all right. You know, you're right. No more screwing around. We find that guy, we get the head back, and then we get the hell outta here. That's it."
"At least I'm not the focus anymore", Buffy sighed in relief. "Now do your jobs before a gang war happens."
"Yes, start acting like the mostly reasonable adults you are instead of teenagers", Giles agreed. "Idiots."
"Big ones", Willow added.
Angel and Spike later talked to the bartender as Spike ranted how every time he faced the Immortal he lost his girl, got beaten by a mob or thrown into prison for tax evasion.
"Wow! That's new!" Dawn said, everyone shocked by that.
"So, don't mess with the guy, okay", Tara sighed.
Angel and Spike talked about what they would do to the Immortal with their resources before remembering there was an office in Rome too, and entered it, the lobby looking identical to the LA branch. A woman in a low-cut, tight, slinky sundress walked to them, greeting them both and praising them, calling Spike the meaning of handsome, and she also noted Angel had been cursed by the gypsies, calling them filthy, then introduced herself as Ilona Costa Bianchi, the CEO of the Roman branch, and they'd give them whatever they wanted, even the world, or 2 worlds. Ilona walked to her office after talking with the receptionist as the two followed her.
"Look, she's fawning over them, hopefully that makes them forget this whole deal with the Immortal", Buffy said hopefully.
"And they have their resources, better get the head and get out", Xander added.
"Yep, especially since the Immortal is no danger", Willow shrugged.
Fred's parents arrived in the lab with her and Wesley, having some conversation, and this was their first time meeting face-to-face after their reunion two years ago. Trish seemed to approve of Wesley for Fred too, and there was some more fun banter before both went to Fred's office while Wesley privately tried to call out Illyria for what she was doing. She said she couldn't tolerate grief from the parents either so she did this. The parents then called out as Illyria as Fred acted chipper again.
"So she's doing it for herself", Dawn noted.
"Well, she still doesn't understand humanity, it's a learning process", Willow pointed out.
"Maybe this will teach her", Tara realized.
"But they deserve to know", Buffy added.
"They do, but looks like they won't this time", Xander sighed sadly.
"We have said it before but this whole thing is a mess", Giles muttered. "But yes, they must know."
"And Fred did say before dying she wanted them to know", Tara reminded the rest of them.
"So, its not right", Willow nodded.
Ilona's office was where Angel's would be, though it was decorated with Renaissance era stuff, and a secretary lit her cigarette for her, before the two started speaking of their problem regarding Buffy and the Immortal, and Ilona said their dealings with the Immortal had been most satisfactory.
"What way is she talking about?" Xander asked the ladies.
"I think all ways", Tara shrugged and Xander nodded.
"Good God, if they start again…" Buffy said and trailed off but the implications were clear.
Ilona said the Immortal didn't use any spells, he found them dirty, and Angel said they had to do research, asking if there was an Italian Wesley, but she said he was asleep and they didn't need him for this. Ilona said the head was more important than Buffy, and they already had a ransom note, giving it to him, and they had to hurry, and she refused violence, squeezing their cheeks, saying this was a civilized country so the money was ready, and both agreed reluctantly.
"Thank you", Buffy said to Ilona.
"At least one of them has sense", Dawn said and all nodded.
"Just hope the two don't make a mess again", Willow added.
Angel and Spike were standing in the middle of a piazza at night, waiting as Angel said. "I helped save the world, you know." Spike shrugged. "Like I haven't." Angel replied. "Yeah, but I've done it a lot more." Spike scoffed. "Oh, please." Angel said. "I closed the Hellmouth." Spike reminded. "I've done that." Angel told him. "Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the Mayor and, uh, and Jasmine and—" Spike asked. "Do those really count as savin' the world?" Angel shrugged. "I stopped Acathla. That saved the world." Spike reminded. "Buffy ran you through with a sword." Angel said. "Yeah, but I made her do it. I signalled her with my eyes."
"Now I'm gonna rip those out", Buffy said, annoyed again. "You didn't make any signal, you were confused till I stabbed you and you got pulled in."
"They are both trying to be macho and failing", Tara sighed.
"Guess the only macho here is the Immortal", Willow chuckled. "Their stupidity puts him above them."
"She killed you. I helped her!" Spike pointed. "That one counts as mine." Angel said. "My point is I'm better than this. OK? We're better than this. What the hell could Buffy see in him?" The Demon butler arrived. "Perhaps she likes the cut of his trousers." People surrounded them both.
"No I don't", Buffy snarled as all wondered how it would go down.
Roger and Trish were about to leave, and shared more talk with 'Fred', hugging her too, and then she hugged them both before waving goodbye as they got on the elevator. "Did you get what you needed from that experience?" Wesley asked. Illyria said. "Yes. It was most informative." "Good. Don't ever do it again", Wesley walked off. Illyria glared at him as he left.
"He is right though", Willow agreed. "She shouldn't do it."
"Yes, this was a complete disrespect of Fred, even if her intentions made sense to her", Giles sighed.
"I think Wesley's uncomfortable because of his love for Fred", Tara pointed out. "Not really any kind of wrong or right here, though her parents should have been told, yes, for reasons said before."
The demon's cronies were in a circle surrounding Angel and Spike. The demon butler circled the two of them, talking, holding the bowling ball bag that the head's in. "You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with The Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her." Angel scoffed. "You know The Immortal?" "But of course." Angel noted. "Ha! I knew it. None of this is a coincidence." "Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse off with my girl." Angel gave Spike a look. "Our girl."
"Nah, Faith's girl now, deal with it", Buffy rolled her eyes as the rest chuckled.
"They are both such big morons", Xander said with a scoff. "Get over it, idiots."
"If only they were that mature", Dawn said as all chuckled again.
The butler praised the Immortal before Angel and Spike started fighting the men surrounding them. The butler threw the bag as a man caught it and hit Angel's face, and then the men tossed the bag around to prevent Angel and Spike from getting it before giving it back to the butler, who aimed his gun at it, so it was obvious they had to give the money for the head. Spike eventually held out the money, and took the head while the Demon and the cronies walked off, and the two ranted about the Immortal as Spike unzipped the bag to look inside, and instead of the head, a ticking bomb was inside, counting down in seconds from 0:05 — 0:04 — 0:03 — 0:02 — 0:01.
All groaned and also chuckled a little as Buffy said. "You two have it coming."
They won't die of course, so this was well-deserved.
"But LA will become a war zone", Willow pointed out as all groaned again.
"Another mess along with the apocalypse", Buffy sighed.
Angel and Spike were looking around at the fiery debris from the explosion that littered the street. Spike asked. "Civilized country? Look what that squeaker did to my jacket." Angel asked. "After everything we've been through, you're pissed about a jacket." Spike told him. "No, not a jacket. My jacket. You have no idea what I went through to get this." Angel reminded. "You stripped it off a body of a dead Slayer." Spike shrugged. "Well, which gives it great sentimental value. Besides, I've been wearin' it for over 30 years. It's like a part of me." Angel snarled. "Get over it. Buy a new one." Spike ranted. "It's my second skin. It's who I am. It's just one more thing he's taken away that I'll never get back." Later, Ilona helped Spike put on a new black leather duster just like his old one and he admired it. "Yeah! This is good."
"You were saying?" Buffy asked as the rest chuckled. "Second skin, my ass."
"Well, the Immortal outsmarted them and they think he has you", Dawn said with another chuckle.
"I haven't been impressed by good-looking guys, Demon or not", Buffy told them. "At least not anymore. Can't believe they think that."
"Maybe the Immortal is that much of a sore point", Tara pointed out.
Ilona said she'd sent 10 more to LA with assortment of shoes as Angel walked in wearing a waist-length white, red, and black leather motorcycle jacket. He was not quite as pleased with it as Spike was with his.
All laughed at that as Xander said. "Okay, that is so hilarious."
"His punishment for being an idiot", Giles shrugged as they laughed more.
"It's so not like him that its funny", Buffy agreed with a laugh.
Ilona said Angel would define handsome for years to come, and they decided it was time for all-out war, but Ilona wasn't in the mood, and escorted them to the door, asking them to relax, assuring they'd handle it from here and sometimes it was best to believe in a Higher power. She closed the door as Angel ranted how they were Champions and didn't need higher powers, and finally decided to go home.
"Yeah, go home before you embarrass yourself more", Dawn agreed.
"Knowing them, they'll still try", Xander shrugged.
Andrew opened the apartment door once again to see Angel and Spike standing there. "Is Buffy back yet?" Andrew was wearing a bathrobe. "Not yet. You guys can hang if you want. I'm just heading out." They walked in as Andrew told Angel. "Oh. Hey. Nice jacket." Angel closed the door. "It's the latest style." Spike asked. "Andrew. Has Buffy been acting off? Like The Immortal's got her under a spell of sorts?" "Excellent question. No." Andrew walked to the bathroom. Angel asked. "Could it be mind control?" Spike wondered. "Or a love potion? Did she drink a love potion?" Andrew's voice came. "Dude, seriously, I thought of all those things, but turns out Buffy fell for The Immortal on her own, and—and now she's happy. That's it."
"I didn't, my decoy did, now shut the hell up!" Buffy said to Andrew before telling Angel and Spike. "And you two, get the hell out of here before I come there to kick you out!"
"And there is no mind control or love potion either", Giles added. "These two are so immature."
"But she's not finished baking yet", Angel ranted. "I gotta wait till she's done baking, you know, till she finds herself, 'cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waitin' patiently, and meanwhile, The Immortal's eatin' cookie dough!" He sighed and sat.
"What's he talking about?" Tara asked Buffy who groaned really uncomfortably.
"The biggest mistake of my life", Buffy told them all. "No idea why I ever did that. Other than becoming a braindead idiotic teenager in the moment and forgetting the last few years after high school where I and Angel moved on did happen."
Andrew asked. "Uh, Spike, is Angel crying?" Spike was defensive. "No!" He looked at Angel, who was holding his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes. "Not yet." "May want to hold the waterworks, big guy. The Immortal's cool and all, but he ain't all that. He's got his flaws." Angel stood. "Really? Spike asked. "Wh-what are they?" Andrew was exasperated. "Ohhh. The point is she's moving on. You guys do the same, and you might catch her one day. One of you, anyway. But you keep running in place, you're gonna find she's long gone."
"For once in his miserable life, he is right", Dawn admitted grudgingly about Andrew. "Though I think I'm better-suited to tell them this than he is." [1]
"Oh much better-suited for sure", Willow agreed.
"Just hope they learn now", Buffy muttered.
Spike said. "It is a bit silly. Us... chasin' around like a couple of henpecked teenagers." "Buffy loves both of you, but she's gotta live her life. People change." Andrew walked out from the bathroom, now wearing a tuxedo and a sophisticated hairstyle. "You guys should try it sometime." There was a knock on the door and Andrew opened to find 2 beautiful Italian women, and greeted them both with kisses on the cheek. He said 'Ciao' to Angel and Spike and left with them. Spike started. "Well... maybe it's time we—" "Yeah." They left.
"How the hell did he get 2 hot chicks?" Xander asked.
"Maybe they have bad taste", Willow suggested.
"He is back to his old tricks, shows no signs of improvement, and gets 2 hot chicks, not happening", Buffy shook her head.
"Yes, because we kick him out", Giles agreed.
"At least it made Angel and Spike leave", Tara pointed out the bright side.
"Yeah, that's good", Dawn agreed.
Wesley was sitting at his desk, staring off into space when Illyria walked in still dressed up as Fred. "Wes? Are you, like... mad at me or something?" "Stop it." "Isn't it what you desire?" She used Fred's voice. "I mean... you love me, I love you. What's the big deal?" Wesley pointed out. "I loved her." She spoke in her voice. "You loved this. And part of you still does. I can feel it in you." She walked closer. "I... wish to explore it further." Wesley stood. "Never. You... like this. It sickens me." She used Fred's voice. "Oh, lord. We both know that ain't true." She smiled and walked to him. Wesley leaned away. "Stop it!" He didn't look at her. "Change back. Be blue. Be anything. Don't be her." He walked to the door. "Don't ever be her." He walked out. Illyria took her normal form. "As you wish."
"Finally", Buffy said as they sighed in relief. "It was getting creepy."
"Yep, but its at an end now", Xander assured.
"It was messing with Wesley for sure", Tara agreed sadly.
Gunn signed a document on a clipboard as Angel and Spike walked off the elevator. Angel told him. "Gunn. We lost the head. Start preparing the troops for war. "Head's in your office." "What?" "It's on your desk." Gunn walked away. The bowling ball bag containing the head was sitting on Angel's desk with a little folded note tied to it with ribbon. Angel and Spike walked up to it. Angel pulled the note out of its envelope and read it. "With regards, The Immortal." He angrily ripped the note. "You know, I really hate that guy!"
"And he one-ups them again", Willow said as the rest chuckled. "At least the head is back."
"No gang war", Dawn said as all sighed in relief.
Spike asked. "What's Buffy thinking? H-honestly?" She doesn't exactly have the best taste in men. Case in point." Angel looked at Spike.
"Eh, I think both of you fit the bill", Buffy listed. "Angel's great now, but I now realize, when he and I were a thing, he did nothing but brood over me, yep, that's all he did, brood over me like an idiot. He was obsessed. I love Spike with a soul but when we were a thing, he was a soulless jerk and also obsessed and lusting. Riley was decent at the start but too insecure. Let's not get into the rest of it."
"So your only good relationship so far has been with a woman", Tara realized.
"Looks like it", Buffy sighed. "Though I'm still giving me and Spike a shot, it can work."
"I hope so, for your sake", Willow assured her.
"Thanks", Buffy smiled.
"H-hey! I think I turned out all right." Angel said. "Yeah. Once she got through with you." Spike ranted. "I wasn't the one livin' in alleys, rubbin' rat filth all over my face. If we're talkin' projects, you're the Sistine Chapel." "I wasn't a project." "Well, neither was I", Angel sighed, sitting on the edge of his desk. "Can't we just... lock her away in a box where no one can ever touch her? You know? Like we did with Pavayne?" Angel crossed his arms, thinking. "I don't think she'd let us. Uh, she's pretty strong." Spike suggested. "We could do a spell. Some sort of mind control." Angel pointed out. "Oh, she'd figure it out. You know, she's pretty smart."
"Oh you two are so dead when I see you", Buffy said with clutched fists as the rest shifted uncomfortably.
"Don't think they realize the irony either", Xander quipped.
"Yeah", Spike sighed, sitting on the edge of the desk by Angel. "So, what? We just have to live with it? Get on with our lives?" "'Fraid so." "Fine", Spike sniffled. "No problem. I was plannin' on doin' that anyway." Angel agreed. "Yeah, me, too." Spike said. "Actually, I'm doin' it right now. As we speak, I'm movin' on." "Movin' on." "Oh, yeah." They sat next to each other in the big, empty office. "Right now." "Movin'." The screen went black.
"You know what? Forget about me, marry each other, you behave just like an old married couple", Buffy said with a scoff and sigh.
"Yeah, they annoyed you a lot here, didn't they?" Dawn asked and she nodded.
"So much", she confessed.
"Let's go then see what future us have to say about it", Tara suggested, and all agreed, getting up and moving off to have dinner.
Some bits of this episode were amusing but not a fan, and FUCK ANDREW!
[1] Originally, Dawn was supposed to be in this episode but they couldn't get Michelle Trachtenberg so Andrew came back *groans* Honestly, I think Dawn saying what Andrew said to Angel and Spike would be much more fitting and impactful. I mean, we haven't seen Dawn interact with Angel before, only Spike, but its clear that due to altered memories, she has always been there, so she would have seen both relationships first-hand, so her saying it would be right. Andrew, even if he wasn't the unlikeable, pervy, creepy moron he is, was never around until very recently and unlike Dawn, no one's memories were altered to accommodate him, plus either way, he's still an outsider, so him saying that just feels wrong. Also, because FUCK ANDREW!
Now break, and then the last 2 episodes, YAY! Can you believe we came this far? Me neither.
