Ashes in your mouth

Chapter Thirteen: Lucky for Harry.

Spring came to the grounds of Black Manor. The ground got wetter, muddier and flowers and green shoots started to grow. Harry wondered how respectable people handled muddy paths around their manors. After a moments thought he realised, with gravel. Lots and lots of gravel. Which Harry didn't have. But… what is gravel but rocks pounded into bits, he mused, sighed and got back to paperwork. It looked like this year, the rents from the two rental properties might more than pay for taxes, clothes, Sarah's salary and even some repairs. It felt, Harry thought, looking in the ledger, like a modicum of success. An acceptable in business, instead of a poor, he thought wryly.

The atlas said that the weather in the Caribbean was not stormy soon. France was apparently springtime too, and still quite cold in the mornings.

Harry went to the ministry portkey office and made enquiries about a portkey to the Black's island in the Caribbean. For one hundred galleons he could portkey there and back again. Harry looked into the ledger he'd been so proud of yesterday. A hundred would be a lot.

Harry got his tent out, and checked it. Still working fine, plenty of room for Harry, Teddy, Delphini, and Andromeda, and he thought, one more tent for Sarah's family and they'd have tents.

Harry asked Sarah over lunch.

"Sarah, I'm thinking about a family trip to the black family's island in the Caribbean. I've got a tent that will sleep four no problem, and I was wondering, if you and your children would like a four person tent, so you can come with us?" asked Harry.

"Come on holiday with the family?" asked Sarah. Fiona and Septimus looked interested.

"It's just… you're such help with Delphini" said Harry, glancing over at Delphini on her little throne, who was very seriously having egg and toast soldiers.

"I ah… wouldn't mind looking after the house for a while" said Sarah "A break, sort of a half holiday."

Harry nodded "Fine, I'll arrange with Andromeda."

Andromeda thought next week would be fine, and Harry booked a portkey. Kreacher wanted to know what to do with mail.

"Just pile it up, Kreacher" said Harry.

"And visitors?" asked Kreacher, expectantly.

"Call Sarah, and she can deal with them." said Harry. Kreacher sulked off. Clearly other family members had given different sorts of instructions to Kreacher in the past.

Harry found his old backpack, put the tent in, and packed some clothes for what he thought might be required for the tropics. Andromeda arrived a day later to coordinate and took everything out of his backpack, and charmed it undetectably expanded, and loaded Harry's bag up with the tent, enough food for a month at least, dozens of huge unbreakable jars of water, towels, sheets, pillows, blankets, and a crate of plates, knives, forks and other cutlery and implements.

"The tent has all this stuff" said Harry.

"These things are for the house" said Andromeda "If Sirius furnished, heaven knows what he left behind. I rather expect the children will not be allowed in the house for days, as we render it safe for their eyes."

Harry blinked. Oh… Sirius's taste in decorations.

The day of the trip arrived, Harry loaded up the backpack with a suitcase for Delphini, and buny, and a comfy straw-lined box for Sunny. Teddy's small suitcase weighed a ton.

"Have you packed books?" asked Andromeda. "To read to Delphini and Teddy, if nothing else."

At the last minute, nearly, Harry thought of sunglasses, and some quick wardrobe changes were required, and the whole family went to Boots to buy sunglasses. Harry found some that fitted over his glasses. They weren't cool, but he hadn't seen tropically bright sunlight, and feared it. Andromeda picked up some shampoo, conditioner, and a huge bottle of sunscreen, and helpfully paid for everything.

Harry felt a bit light-headed leaving Boots. They'd gone for a shopping trip as a … family and bought absolutely ordinary, going on holiday things. Delphini had her sunglasses on, and looked a like a little celebrity.

Andromeda insisted everyone put on sunscreen and put their sunglasses in their cases before taking the portkey, and Harry, wearing the backpack, held the wooden spoon down low , and Andromeda, Teddy and Delphini touched it, and Harry whispered "Activate" and they were off in a carousel of coloured lights and rapid spinning. They landed on a white sandy beach in unbelievably bright sunlight. Harry rolled over on the sand, got his backpack off, stored the portkey, and got out the sunglasses, and handed them out.

"It certainly is a tropical island" said Andromeda a moment later, with dark sunglasses on.

Delphini and Teddy were making sand-angels. Harry put the sunglasses on and looked around.

The beach was white and carried on in both directions, slowly curving, and the island was covered, like a movie in coconut trees, then, further inland on the fairly flat island, other kinds of trees. And it was really hot. The tropical look was spoiled a bit because many of the palm trees were snapped off, and the beach had dead wood and seaweed washed up on it.

"Where is the dwelling?" asked Andromeda.

"The deed said there's a hut inland." said Harry.

"Well" said Andromeda "I'll have to fly up to look" she said, and got a broom out off her robe pocket, expanded it, and took off upwards over the jungle, quickly shrinking into the distance.

Harry cleaned sand off Teddy and Delphini, and they stared making a sand-castle.

Harry wanted to make a Hogwarts, of course, and conjured up some buckets, and got his two little helpers helping. As neither of them had seen Hogwarts, or were artists, the sand castle was soon just a mess of towers and a bit wonky. Delphini also tended to step on bits she was getting bored of.

Andromeda landed nearby some forty or fifty sand castle turrets later.

"Well, excellent work keeping the children busy" said Andromeda, as Harry removed the mould from yet another tower.

"Did you find anything?" asked Harry.

"Much of the jungle has been recently blown flat" said Andromeda. "I think I found the hut, about a mile from here, and there's the remains of a trail some way left along the beach." she said, leaving something unsaid.

"But?" asked Harry.

"The storm flattened it" said Andromeda. "Must have been a cyclone."

Harry sat back on the sand "Is it worth going there?" he asked.

"Well, we could perhaps repair it. You're good at repairs?" Andromeda asked.

Harry vanished the buckets "Come on you two, we're going to the jungle hut Uncle Sirius made." he said, put on the backpack, took Teddy and Delphini by the hand and followed Andromeda along the beach.

She walked on the damp sand, which was much easier going than the dry stuff, Harry found.

Teddy and Delphini looked a bit hot by the time they stopped at a narrow clearing in the jungle.

"We're going along there" said Andromeda "You'll need to help cut trees. Perhaps Sunny can come out of the backpack and guard the children."

Harry got Sunny's box out of the pack and opened it.

An indignant Sunny hissed at Harry.

"Sorry. Time to guard the young"said Harry.

Sunny nodded, and Harry let her down by the jungle and Sunny slithered into the shade , returning moments later "$Snakes and other things, Speaker$" she hissed. And Harry had understood her, and that was weird.

"Protect Delphini and Teddy" said Harry, and Sunny slithered over to Delphini and circled her.

"What does Sunny have to say?" asked Andromeda.

"There are snakes in the jungle." said Harry. "She's going to guard the children for me."

The jungle trail was overgrown, and had fallen trees across it. Levitation and cutting charms cleared the way easily, but it did take a long time.

Everyone was bored when they got to a flattened wooden building, about sixty feet long and twenty feet wide.

Harry put up the tent and made a campfire with wood Andromeda cut from some trees that had fallen over the jungle cabin.

Sunny slithered off to explore.

That night Sunny slithered slowly into camp, a massive bulge in her middle, and went to sleep by the fire.

"What on earth has she eaten?" asked Andromeda.

"Bigger than a rat whatever it was" said Harry. The bulge was dog-sized.

"She's going to sleep for days" observed Andromeda.

"Sunny on holiday" said Delphini, with a nod.

The next day, Harry drew the elder wand and repair-charmed the whole building. It shook, and exploded into a pile of broken wood.

Andromeda said nothing but Delphini said "Boom. Daddy went boom."

Teddy walked over to the nearest loose branch and picked it up and waved it.

"You might" said Andromeda "Consider using the renovation skill you displayed at Black Manor."

"That" said Harry bitterly "involved spending forty thousand galleons."

"Well, perhaps you could transfigure rocks" suggested Andromeda, and she transfigured a branch into a lounge-chair and lay back.

Teddy and Delphini started sword-fighting with sticks.

Harry lifted the elder wand and cast "Accio rocks" and the sky darkened with rocks, which all landed in a circle around Harry.

A day later, the pile of rocks was ten feet high.

"Rocks are stupid" said Delphini dismissively.

Harry rolled his eyes and started transfiguring the pile of rocks into stone walls.

They had dinner inside the tent, and Teddy and Delphini went to bed, and waited for Harry.

"STORY!" said Delphini loudly.

"So like her mother" muttered Andromeda.

Harry read them the Tale of Babbity Rabbity, and they went to sleep, Delphini holding buny.

The next day, Harry finished making stone walls, and started cutting tall trees down for logs.

Andromeda got up and cast cutting and levitation spells also, and they soon had rough timbers on top of Harry's stone building.

"Now you can summon some more stones and slate the roof over" said Andromeda.

"I'll permanent sticking charm the slates on" said Harry, and started summoning stones again.

"I'll take the children to the beach" said Andromeda "We can have a play in the water, and make sand castles."

Harry had a pile of rocks by lunchtime, and Delphini inspected them "Father, a roof!" said Delphini.

"Yes Delphini, I'm going to make a roof today" said Harry.

Three days later, Harry had finished a stone building with a slate roof, and transfigured in some porthole-like windows.

Delphini and Teddy played on the dirt floor, getting very dirty until Andromeda charmed the floor imperturbable, and transfigured some of the broken branches into floorboards.

"Harry, some rough beds, a table, and a fireplace and it's done" said Andromeda.

Delphini nodded as Harry floated in logs and transfigured them into a Hogwarts-like table and benches, and a row of four poster beds, that had oddly blobby construction.

"Is your writing desk this sloppy?" asked Andromeda sternly.

"You said rough beds" said Harry. "They're rough."

Andromeda rummaged in Harry' backpack and unpacked all the things that had originally been for the hut, and they actually had dinner in the hut, not the tent.

Delphini patted the wall "Solid" she said "Not go bang."

Harry bit his lip and started casting hex-protection charms on the building, all the walls, and the roof.

"Well, one door and some sort rustic latch and we're done" said Andromeda, and she went outside, and there was, ten minutes later, a heavy wooden door.

"Now" said Andromeda "Harry, go get the tent, we're sleeping in here, and tomorrow, Harry's going to the beach, and we're all playing all day."

"Thank goodness for that" muttered Harry.

"Father is persistent" said Delphini.

"Harry's the greatest wizard in the world" said Teddy enthusiastically.

"Father, why does Teddy call you Harry?" asked Delphini.

"Well, said Harry, "It's a long story"

Delphini and Teddy sat down in front of Harry "Well, tell us?" asked Teddy.

Harry conjured up an overstuffed armchair and sat, and told the story of Teddy's parents, his father's friend Remus, Teddy's Father, and how Harry was Teddy's godfather, and charged to look after Teddy, and how Teddy's parents died in the war.

Delphini nodded "Father died, Mother died, Harry adopted me. Now Harry's my father."

Harry eyed Delphini carefully. Her longest sentence in… as long as Harry could remember.

"Well, Teddy lives with his grandmother, Andromeda, your Aunt" said Harry "So he had a parent. And you're an orphan like me, so we're a family now."

"Dad" said Teddy, and hugged Harry's legs.

"We're all orphans" said Delphini "Gran's an orphan too."

"No dear" said Andromeda "My parents didn't die till I was an adult."

Harry looked over at Sunny, sleeping in the corner, still bloated.

"That snake of yours is sleeping the holiday away" observed Andromeda.

"Sunny rest" said Delphini. "Sunny likes warm days."

Teddy yawned, and Delphini yawned.

The next day, true to Andromeda's word, they all spent all day at the beach with a picnic for lunch.

Two weeks later, a tanned Harry colloportus'ed the cottage door shut, and they all touched the portkey-spoon, and he activated the portkey, and they spun off home to England, landing in the front hall in a sandy, dirty heap.

"Right" said Andromeda, once she was upright "Up to the bath for both of you two, Harry, unload that blessed snake of yours somewhere warm."

Teddy and Delphini trotted up the stairs, and Harry opened his backpack, and took out Sunny's travel box, and apparated to the first parlour, lit a fire with a jab of his wand, and opened Sunny's box.

Sunny lifted her head, looked accusingly at Harry and slithered off to curl up by the fire, still bloated with whatever she'd eaten.

Harry apparated back to his backpack, picked it up and apparated to his room to begin unpacking.

He caught sight of himself in the mirror of his bedroom table, and he was quite tanned, his hair was unruly, and he looked… like he'd been on holiday. All he needed, he thought, was a holiday to recover from the holiday.

Instead, after a shower, he found a huge stack of mail to deal with on his office desk.

Much of the mail. Harry discovered was replies to thank-you cards. Three weeks worth formed quite a pile on its own.

And requests for interviews from Teen Witch Weekly and Witch Weekly.

Harry threw them straight into the fireplace.

He made a list of things he actually had to do, and finally came to a very official looking letter, well apart from the title.

'His Knobby Highness Harry Potter' written in pink.

Harry opened the letter, which was written by George.

'Harry, mail for Kettle arrived. Looks a bit posh. Is the rumour about Kettle shagging Daphne Greengrass true then? Is this her dad organising a wedding?

Love, George.'

It had a letter inside it. If the outer letter had looked official, this one on crisp tan parchment with green lettering looked … more official than his invite to his Order of Merlin award.

Harry opened the letter, which was sealed with a simple 'S' and yellow wax.

'Kettle.

The Hogwarts board of governors is meeting in Thursday the ninth of May at seven PM sharp, at Hogwarts in the board room, opposite the Headmistresses office.

You will be there on time, properly dressed or I will come to Weasley Wheezes and drag you there myself.

Bole Smith.

Hufflepuff's representative

Hogwarts board of governors.

'

Harry looked at the charmed desk calendar and quill holder. It was … today. Tonight.

Harry caught up with Sarah at lunch.

"You all have tans" said Sarah "Looks good on you sir."

Harry rolled his eyes and spoke up "Andromeda, Sarah, I have an invitation I really should attend tonight. Can you take care of Delphini tonight? It starts at seven and I have no idea how long it runs for."

"Story!" said Delphini.

"I'll do two after lunch?" asked Harry. Delphini looked slightly pacified.

"I suppose" said Andromeda "We can give a talk to Sarah, Fiona and Septimus about the holiday."

"Harry made a house go boom" said Teddy cheerfully "Harry's the powerfullest wizard in the whole world."

"That" said Harry quietly "was a mistake. I was trying to mend the walls. And it was a tropical hut."

"Are you sure you have respectable robes?" asked Andromeda.

"I'll wear my black robes." said Harry.

"Those are for funerals" said Andromeda politely but firmly.

"I'm not exactly trying to impress with my clothes." said Harry defensively.

"You should get something new" said Andromeda.

Harry considered his bank balance, and weighed up the cost of robes. Kettle, he reasoned, would have some robes that were respectable but not expensive.

"Fine" said Harry "I'll get some tidy new robes, and before you ask, some new shoes."

Andromeda tilted her head "Am I so transparent?" she asked. Harry nodded.

After a story called 'Frank the Fox's fabulous five-course dinner', and an unrelated story entitled 'George the giraffe and the ghastly gaffe', Harry put a tired-out Delphini it bed 'to keep Buny company' for a bit, and went to his room.

He used his funeral robes and oldest shoes to make a new Kettle costume. Harry mentally called it 'Kettle tries to dress up for shopping,' and after assurances to Teddy that yes, Harry would be back for an early supper, with Andromeda shaking her head at his clothes, he went to the hall fireplace, combed his hair into Kettle's brown straightness, changed his eye-colour using the glasses to blue, and charmed himself a bit… chunkier. Satisfied he looked like Kettle, he was picking up floo powder when he realised his rings were a bit distinctive. Harry apparated back to his room, took them all off, and using the Elder wand, transfigured a spare ring into a very Slytherin looking S on a snakey band that looked… dead creepy. It was fundamentally a plain signet ring sent to a young Harry Potter, but it _looked_ like something Slytherin would wear. Harry blinked. The locket. He got the locket out, and out it in his bed, waiting for him. That would do later.

He checked his reflection, and he looked Kettle-ish, and apparated to the fireplace, and threw in floo-powder and called out 'The Leaky Cauldron' and stepped into the green flames.

The trip by floo was disorienting, unpleasant and Harry stepped out covered in soot. He vanished that with his wand, and with a nod to old Tom, left for the back alley.

Diagon Alley was a bit wet, puddles on the cobblestones, water dripping from awnings and porches.

Harry went to Madam Maklins and got served quite quickly by a brown haired young sales-witch.

"Yes, Mister?" she asked.

"Kettle" said Harry "Just Kettle. I need a robe and shoes for an important meeting."

The sales witch looked at Harry's dark robes, and tatty shoes "What's your budget like?" she asked.

"Ten galleons?" asked Harry.

"I'm Brittany" said the sales-witch "I think we can find you something. Do you need it today."

"Er, yes. Tonight" said Harry. "I've been on holiday."

"Nice tan" said Brittany "Doing anything this weekend?"

Harry thought about the question "Um, I think I'll be catching up with gardening. I've been neglecting the garden" he replied. For some reason Brittany shook her head, and went to a rack of robes.

"Colour preferences?" she asked.

"Green and Silver" said Harry glumly.

"Oh, some Hogwarts thing?" she asked. Harry nodded.

"What do you do?" asked Birttany, as she walked along the rack of robes looking for something for Harry.

"I was an Auror" said Harry "Mostly I do fireworks sales, set off displays. For Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes, the best fireworks displays in Britain."

Brittany sighed and finally found a green robe that she pulled off the rack, it was green and had some silver trim. It looked, thought Harry like something someone from Syltherin house might wear to a party in case everyone didn't know they were in Slytherin house. Harry couldn't help grimacing.

"Something different then?" asked Brittany. "You need the green and silver, right, how about a half-robe and a waistcoat? The waistcoat could be green and silver."

"With a shirt" said Harry.

"Well, unless you want to show off your chest, yes" said Brittany, and Harry was fairly sure that was sarcasm.

"I'd rather not" said Harry "I'll need a shirt for that."

"There's some Slytherin house pattern waistcoats out the back" said Brittany. "Not much demand for them this year."

Harry nodded "A dark green half robe?" he asked.

"A Black shirt with it?" asked Brittany. "It'd be dramatic."

Harry thought about that. "Silver shirt?" asked Harry. "If I could um… afford it."

"The waistcoat'd only be eight or nine sickles, and a half-robe in dark green… that'd be maybe fifteen" said Birttany, starting to pick things off racks and hand them to Harry.

A few minutes later, he was handed some new black trousers.

He went and got changed into a fairly silvery shirt, black trousers, diagonal striped waistcoat and dark green robe. The wizard in the mirror was… Kettle in Slytherin colours. Harry stepped out in stockinged feet.

Brittany looked at Harry "Turn around?" she asked.

Harry turned.

"Twirl?" she asked. "So the cloak floats out?"

Harry grudgingly did.

"Well, apart from a hat and some shoes, you're all set." said Brittany, and she bent over a pad for a moment "And for three galleons and two sickles" she said. "Thought you do need a belt and tie."

Harry thought idly that basilisk hide would be absolutely ideal. But he had no time today, so he said "Black tie."

"Cor" said Brittany, picking out a black tie and belt "You'll look quite dishy, Kettle. Sure you're gardening this weekend?"

"Or reading my daughter stories" said Harry, and Birttany's mood suddenly changed to businesslike. She herded Harry back into the changing room, Harry got back into his funeral robes and Brittany wrapped all his purchases.

Harry went to a shoe shop, and peered at the prices. Yikes. Five galleons, he went for a long walk and at the edge of Knockturn Alley found a secondhand store, and picked out some black shoes that were, well a lot better than the ones he was wearing.

"You want to trade yours?" asked the shopkeeper, a portly balding blond man.

Harry shrugged.

"Four sickles, your old shoes, and you leave in handmade shoes" said the shopkeeper. "Quite good-looking shoes those. Leftover from the war."

Harry paid his four sickles and wore… much better shoes to go find a hat.

There was a hat store not that much farther up Knockturn Alley. The hatter, a very serious looking man in black robes, wearing a small pillbox hat trimmed in gold, looked at Harry through half-moon glasses.

"You need a hat" they said.

Harry nodded "I want something serious, old-fashioned and not new."

The hatter blinked "What's your size?"

"Eight and three quarters." said Harry.

The Hatter nodded "I'll look out the back. I assume you want something Black?"

"Snakeskin if you've got it." said Harry.

The Hatter lifted their arm and rested one elbow on a palm, and their chin on the other palm "A snakeskin hat to a funeral?"

"I'm not going to a funeral" said Harry "I just... don't have a lot of clothes."

The Hatter nodded "I've got something in snakeskin" they said and walked out the back of the shop through a ragged black curtain. Harry had a moment's distraction, thinking about Sirius falling thought a ragged black curtain. He took a deep breath. This was nothing like it, he reassured himself.

The Hatter returned ten minutes later batting dust off a slightly crumpled brown snakeskin hat.

Harry put it on and looked at his reflection in the Mirror. It made Kettle in funeral robes look odd.

"Shame it's not green" said Harry. "Go with the robe I'm wearing."

"I could probably do that" said the Hatter "Can you show me the robe?"

Harry opened the paper package and the Hatter carefully transfigured the hat to a green with yellowish highlights instead of brown and yellow.

"Suits the robe" said the Hatter "Five galleons."

Harry grudgingly paid up, and left, with a complimentary hat-box.

Harry dumped Kettle's stuff on his bed, changed into a jumper and jeans and went to see his family over early dinner.

And was forced to give a summary of the island to the family and Sarah, and her children.

"Could we go there next year?" asked Septimus.

"Well, the cottage and tent combined would house us all" said Andromeda "and the portkey costs the same regardless."

"Brill" said Septimus.

"Is it very sunny and warm?" asked Fiona.

"Very sunny" said Andromeda.

"Cool" said Fiona.

Harry made his apologies, kissed Delphini's grumpy little head and went to get changed.

The shoes, he mused were quite good.

Harry put on the full outfit, remembered the locket, and gave it a good going-over with the Elder wand. The back was still split, but the locket looked less broken. It went perfectly with the transfigured ring.

Harry got dressed up in the jewellery and hat and eyed Kettle, scion of Slytherin. And realised he needed a name. 'Kettle Slytherin' didn't exactly work. Harry apparated to the hallway, and tried to think of a name. All he could come up with was Evan, from his mother's maiden name. Evan Slytherin, he decided was Kettle's real name.

He threw in floo powder, stepped in and called out 'The Three Broomsticks' and flooed off.

He stepped out, staggered and caught himself against a table. He looked around. There was a bartender, and a few locals drinking. Well, until they caught sight of Harry, then they stared.

Harry nodded to them, and left. The walk to Hogwarts took a while, and Harry arrived at quarter to seven, and stepped in the open small door of the front doorway.

As his foot touched the floor, the strangest thing happened. Somewhere inside Hogwarts, a loud, buzzy brassy horn blew a single long note. Harry stepped inside, looked around; it looked largely as it always had, with a different suits of armour, and paintings, so Harry set off up the grand stairs, for the seventh floor.

Students noisily flooded out of the great hall, trying to see what had made the noise. Kettle's retreating form, snakeskin hat, and dark green robe, had some of the older, braver students dashing up the stairs.

"Hey Stop!" yelled a student, and Harry stopped and turned, to see three seventh years, wands drawn, forty steps below Harry.

"Excuse me?" asked Harry.

"What are you doing here?" asked one of the male students, who, Harry suspected, was a Gryffindor.

"I'm going to the Hogwarts board of Governors meeting" said Harry "I have a hereditary seat, apparently."

"The – " stuttered the front-running student, eyes bulging.

"The Hogwarts board of Governors" offered Harry "Who control the school. Yes. So, put your wand down, and go have a nice dessert, while I get bored in a meeting I apparently can't avoid."

"What Hereditary seat" asked a female Seventh year, who, by the snake brooch on her robes, was probably a Slytherin.

"Slytherin" said Harry "I'm Evan Slytherin, The Slytherin of Slytherin, and you're at my school, Miss?"

"Price" squeaked Miss Price.

Harry smiled mechanically "Well I didn't fight in a war against Voldemort to be stopped by three seventh years before I try attending meetings. I just hope there's coffee." he said.

Miss Price curtsyed clumsily on stairs. The three male seventh years bowed clumsily.

"Oh good grief" said Harry "You don't need to bow, I'm just a Slytherin, not the bloody Queen" He turned on the step he was standing on and climbed off up the stairs.

Harry had got nine more steps up the staircase when one of the other male students asked "Was that you making the noise then?"

Harry stopped, took a deep breath, turned and said "That was Hogwarts. If you will excuse me, I have a meeting with Bole Smith and he was most insistent I be on time. Gentlemen, Miss Price" With that, Harry turned and strode off up the stairs, leaving three confused Gryffindors and a Slytherin girl suffering from the first stages of a crush.

Harry was annoyingly tired by the time he got to the seventh floor, and cursed getting old. He needed some bloody exercise. And a holiday to get over his holiday.

Fuming gently, Harry made his way by memory to the gargoyle guarding the Headmistresses doorway, and opposite it, where there was usually just a bench seat, there was an arched doorway with a closed door, and a sign on it that was clearly much newer than the door 'Board Room.'

Harry opened the door by turning the dangling wrought iron ring and stepped into a warm wood-panelled room with a large, well waxed table, and rows of chairs, and a fireplace on either side of the room. At the far end, there were four wooden chairs, all with simply painted Hogwarts house crests on the backs. Bole Smith was already sitting in the Hufflepuff seat, in his signature robes with silvery chains.

Smith stood up "You're here" he said.

Neville's grandmother, Augusta Longbottom, not wearing a vulture hat today, just a plain black one, was sitting at one of the other chairs, near the head end, and she looked at Harry and nodded "So this is Syltherin then" she said firmly.

Harry nodded "Evan Slytherin" he said, and walked to the head of the table and sat in Slytherin's chair.

Bole Smith looked over at Harry "You've got a tan" he said phatically.

"I've been overseas. The tropics" said Harry. Bole Smith sat heavily.

"You seem tired" said Augusta.

"I had to climb seven flights of steps and walk from Hogsmeade" said Harry.

"You can floo to Headmistresses office, Hogwarts" said Bole. "Saves time."

Harry eyed Bole Smith's bulging stomach. He could do with a lot more climbing steps, thought Harry.

The door opened and Neville came in, and nervously sat in the Gryffindor chair, and looked over at his gran, who nodded.

Neville relaxed and looked right at Harry from his adjacent chair "You're Slytherin then" said Neville, with a hint of menace.

"Evan Slytherin" said Harry "I was on your side in the war."

"Not as Evan Slytherin, you weren't" said Neville.

"Well, not at Hogwarts" said Harry blandly.

"You didn't attend. Your family's school?" asked Augusta.

"Scheduling problems" said Harry wryly and laced his fingers together, showing off the creepy snake ring. Neville's attention was successfully distracted.

Within a few minutes, the room filled up with mostly elderly witches and wizards, including a lined looking Narcissa Malfoy, in an expensive white robe and hat. She looked over at Harry and looked quietly terrified.

"Mrs Malfoy, I assure you, I'm not the prior Slytherin of Slytherin" said Harry as bland a drawl as he could manage.

"Evan Slytherin" said Bole Smith "I got him to come."

"I will want" said Harry quietly to Bole Smith "The map in exchange."

"Hufflepuff bribing Slytherin" exclaimed some old witch Harry was pretty sure was Griselda Mountebanks, from the WEA. She sounded amused.

After three more arrivals, Minerva McGonagall came in and sat at the foot of the table, affecting total calm and not staring at Harry. Not staring at Harry a lot.

Bole Smith tapped a wooden block on the table with his signet ring to call the meeting to order.

"We ah, have Evan Slytherin, the Slytherin of Slytherin here" said Bole. Harry nodded.

"As ah... the Slytherin of Slytherin mentioned he's… not his relative." said Bole. "And Mister Longbottom here, is a true heir of Gryffindor, so we have two new seats filled at this end of the table."

"We have" said Professor McGonagall "Several items of business tonight."

"Firstly" said Augusta Longbottom "Finances. The Hogwarts trust is rather depleted after all the rebuilding. Can the ah… founders families help us with that?"

Harry shook his head "No money left. Voldemort spent most of it." he said bluntly. Narcissa Malfoy's lips pursed.

"We could ah, have a fundraising gala" said Griselda Mountbanks "A date auction of Mister Longbottom and Slytherin would do exceedingly well."

"I'd offer to auction Zachary" said Bole "But nobody would pay for him."

"I am married" said Neville firmly, and looked at Harry.

Harry shook his head "Been busy." he said.

"So, a gala with two celebrity dates on auction" said Griselda merrily "Narcissa, dear, what would be an achievable plate price?"

"More than St Mungos at fifty a plate" said Narcissa Malfoy politely "And the auction for a date with Evan Slytherin should earn a hefty sum. You can dance, Mister Slytherin?"

"Adequately" said Harry tightly.

"Well, that's a fundraiser sorted" said Griselda.

"We could sell the basilisk under Hogwarts" offered Harry.

"Basilisk?" asked Professor McGonagall sharply.

"I believe a young Harry Potter killed my ancestor's pet" said Harry "I am not an expert, but I suspect Basilisks, being rare, are valuable as potion ingredients."

Professor McGonagall eyed Harry sternly "And you happen to know where the chamber of secrets is, and how to open it?" she asked.

Harry shrugged "Family secretsss." he said in his best copy of Draco Malfoy's drawl, and a hiss.

"You're…. A parselmouth?" asked Narcissa Malfoy.

Harry had a reckless idea, and gazed for a moment at his creepy snake ring "$And you're a very bad aunt$" Harry hissed, and looked up at the Board of governors. Who were all a lot paler.

A heavy hand lowered onto Harry's arm. Harry looked over at Neville, who was staring at Harry intently, wand at Harry's neck "One curse out of you" said Neville quietly "And I'll cut your head off like Voldmeort's snake."

"Honestly, why would I come all the way here to curse people" said Harry feeling frustrated.

"It's just that … .historically parselmouths have been dark wizards" said Augusta.

"Well, I was an Auror cleaning up after the war" said Harry tiredly.

Actual Hogwarts board business restarted with a discussion of replacing the school brooms; on hold till fundraising. The gala was now expected to make thousands of galleons.

"What do you er, do for a job these days?" asked Bole Smith quietly.

"Fireworks, I have a couple of rentals." admitted Harry across Neville, who turned and eyed Harry.

Professor McGonagall outlined the state of the castle, and noted that Professor Flexworth, the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher would not need replacing next September.

Griselda Mountebanks then started into a report on educational attainment at Hogwarts, as compared to other schools in Britain, and Harry had no idea there even were other magical schools in Britain. Apparently Hogwarts was doing better in Transfiguration and Charms. Then she briefly recited a comparison to Beauxbatons, Durmstrang, and Uagadou. Hogwarts compared poorly to Uagadou apparently. Harry wondered why, and couldn't understand the statistics.

Various proposals were voted on, mostly simple stuff like renewing Madam Hooch's contract at flying teacher, or a contract to mend the lake boats over summer.

By midnight, the meeting was closing down, and Harry was bored out of his mind.

"Erm, I think now might be time for our newest board member to tell us about the er, guidance he wants to have over his families school?" asked Bole Smith.

Harry looked over at Bole, who looked tired but pleased. With himself, thought Harry bitterly.

"I'm not my ancestor" said Harry bluntly. "I'm not interested in feeding people to my pet basilisk. Though, it would have made an excellent last defence for Hogwarts had it not been used by the Heir of Slytherin to attack students. Still, I'm not a supporter of blood bigotry. One of my best friends is a muggleborn."

That caused a sussuration of whispers around the table.

"I'm a busy man, and have other responsibilities" Harry continued "And I'm not affiliated with the… loosing side in the last war. My relative was, and he's dead now. So, I grudgingly agree to be bait for gala, but Mister Longbottom must also attend. I refuse to allow the auction to be just me. Maybe Professor McGonagall can round up some of the heroines of Hogwarts. Miss Granger perhaps? She's apparently a public-spirited sort."

The meeting ended a bit later ,and Harry was forced to shake hands with everyone before he could leave, in procession to the headmistresses' office, where everyone flooed off.

Harry flooed to 'Wheezes Central'.

A groggy George on the stairs to the flat in a night-shirt pointed his wand at Harry.

"Bloody Hell, Harry, what's with the fancy dress?" George asked.

"Bole Smith bribed me to go to the Hogwarts board of governors meeting" said Harry.

"Why?" asked George.

"A map to some land my family left" said Harry.

"And as Kettle, why?"

"Complicated. Kettle's outed as a founder's descendant." said Harry.

"While Harry Potter is just Black of Black" said George.

Harry nodded "Get back to bed. I'm off home."

"And why come here?" asked George.

"I flooed from McGonnagall's office" said Harry "I'm not flooing home and losing my cover."

"Fine" said George "I'll be on the lookout for elderly Smith's bearing maps to treasure, your poshness."

Harry flooed home, changed back into himself, and walked back to his bedroom, to find a little sleepy limpet in his bed.

"Father" said Delphini.

Harry got changed into his tartan pyjamas in the bathroom, want back to his bed, kissed her head, and went to sleep.

He woke up in the morning with a small elbow wedged painfully in his kidneys.

The Daily Prophet, two days later ran a story about the mysterious "Evan Slytherin", Slytherin of Slytherin, and Hogwarts board member. An artist's impression looked a bit like Kettle. But the artist had erred on the saturnine, dark-wizards-ey side. And exaggerated his height as "very talle."

Summer came, and with it, two pieces of mail via Weasley's Wizarding wheezes.

The first, a map showing an approximate location for Slytherin's 'Nest' in Cheshire. Near a tiny hamlet called Kettleshulme. Harry swallowed. A coincidence. Just a coincidence.

The second, the invite to the charity gala at Hogwarts the Saturday night after the end of term.

Harry was considering the value in, for example making scholarships available to poor students, and replacing the school brooms, when Hermione barged into his study, looking agitated.

"Harry" said Hermione. "I got an invitation to a gala at Hogwarts next week"

Harry nodded, and slid a letter over the invite on his desk to cover it.

"A fundraising gala, and I'm supposed to be part of a date auction" said Hermione, her hair lifting. "Along with Neville and this mysterious Evan Slytherin. You need to keep an eye out, he could be a threat."

"He's harmless" said Harry dismissively "And miss, got an offer to model for American play-witch isn't capable of being a polite date for one night for fundraising for Hogwarts."

Hermione blushed "That was horrible and inappropriate and you and Ron keep bringing it up."

"He does it to brag about how pretty he thinks you are" said Harry "And I do it because you blush and get all cross about it. It's actually cute."

"Arse" said Hermione. "Seriously, who's Evan Slytherin. He was an Auror, apparently."

"That's easy, he's me." said Harry. "Kettle in dress robes." Harry shrugged, and sighed "And can you please not make a big fuss about this. It's just a pointless magical family tree, a practically useless wonky magical talent, and a surname that make people think I'm going to kill them."

Hermione thought silently "That's how you got a vault, isn't it. The lost treasure of Slytherin."

"Found treasure" said Harry "Voldemort spent all but a bucket of coins on… I dunno really. Not snake food, he fed Nagini on people. Not robes, he only wore that one set. I think paying the giants, vampires and mercenaries."

"So you're… the Slytherin of Slytherin." said Hermione. "You can push for reforms, lobby the wizengamot. You can do so much good!"

Harry sighed and leaded back in his office chair "I've dreaded this conversation since I found out I was." said Harry "There's no money, and I hate public speaking. I don't know how to do politics, all I know is some good combat spells and how to duck."

"And how to change nappies" said Hermione. "Can you even dance?"

"Well enough to be accused of secretly being Daphne Greengrass's husband, with Delphini as our love-child." said Harry blandly.

Hermione made a smug smile and lifted her chin.

"Not on your life" said Harry "She's a decent dancer and funny but not my type."

"Which is, Ginny Weasley." said Hermione drily.

Harry nodded and stared glumly at his desk.

"Harry, you need to… get some therapy for that." said Hermione.

"What?" said Harry, looking up.

"It's been four years, Harry. One year, sure, you were upset. Two years, clearly you had a difficult separation. Three years and you need professional help. And it's been four. Go see Lowry." said Hermione.

Harry sulkily made an appointment to see 'a mind healer' at St Mungos.

It was, obviously, Lowry, who looked even older than Harry remembered.

"What exactly is your problem, Mister Potter?" asked Lowry gruffly.

Harry explained, about meeting Ginny in before first year, saving her from Tom's possession, about his zig-zag relationship with her that had grown to being together in sixth year, How it had sort of petered out after the war. Harry looked back at Lowry's face.

Lowry looked grim "That's… quite a sad story" said Lowry "I can see how that might have worked. We'd best treat you for being a lovesick teenager, and hope you –"

Harry interrupted "You know what happened?" asked Harry.

"I don't think you really want to know" said Lowry sadly.

"Michael bloody Corner is what happened, all six foot two of him" said Harry bitterly.

Lowry shook his head. "Miss Weasely was possessed by Mister Riddle, who was also in your ah… cursed scar. Once he was gone, you ah… didn't have that certain something."

Harry's brain froze. What. Ginny hadn't gone off Harry just because he didn't have a Horcrux in his head any more. He probably hadn't even had one. The link with Voldemort, the dreams, the parselmouth, none of that was Horcrux. 'Just Ginny finding you fascinating' said the voice in the back of Harry's head.

"Fuck" said Harry, his eyes watering. Fucking Lowry.

"Right" said Lowry scribbling "A potion to weaken certain memories, and a guided memory exercise."

"When?" asked Harry.

"Well, I've got twenty minutes" said Lowry and rang a bell. A house-elf in a green pillowcase appeared, and took the script from Lowry and vanished, reappearing soon afterwards with a vial of orange potion.

Lowry pointed to Harry and the elf floated it over to Harry, who drank it.

Lowry started to talk and Harry's eyelids got heavy.

He woke up sitting back on the chair, with a stiff neck. He looked over at Lowry who looked concerned.

"Am I cured?" asked Harry.

"You were just a bit obsessed" said Lowry "That's not inherently bad, but you do need to move on. That daughter of yours could do with a mother, after all."

Harry sighed "Two children, one grandmother and me" said Harry "Not the easiest thing to find a witch."

-==0==-

Harry dressed and disguised as Evan Slytherin and went to Hogwarts, this time by floo and saved himself the walk.

"Mister Slytherin" said Professor McGonagall from her desk. "You're the first volunteer to arrive. Tell me, are you married?"

Harry shook his head "Not married" he said, and eyed the headmaster's portraits.

Phineus Nigellus Black stared at Harry "You're who?" asked Phineus.

"Evan Slytherin, Slytherin of Slytherin" said Harry "You may have heard of us." he added.

Phineus stared at Harry "The glory days of Hogwarts are coming back" he said surely.

"Well, maybe we can replace the school brooms." said Harry more practically.

"That will be all Phineus" said Professor McGonagall.

"I will set my grandson on you" muttered Phineus. "He's unstoppable."

"Harry Potter is one of mine, Phineus" said Professor McGonagall sharply.

After a little delay Professor McGonagall said "Slytherin, could I charm your glasses invisible?"

"If you could" said Harry, not even realising that was a thing, and with a tap of her wand, Harry's glasses that were colour-changing Kettle's eye colour were invisible. Professor McGonagall nodded "It's just we want the bidding to go as high as possible." she explained.

"Wasn't Miss Granger a model with American Play-witch?" asked Harry mischievously.

"Miss Granger was offered modelling work and declined. She's a very serious witch, and even someone who's been an Auror should avoid unduly irritating her." said Professor McGonagall.

"I know a lot of easily irritated young witches" said Harry "Seems to be a common characteristic."

"And Miss Granger's boyfriend, Auror Weasley is not a man to cross." said Professor McGonagall.

"We had a nickname for him in the Aurors." said Harry, waited till Professor McGonagall was listening intently then said "Big."

As Harry had hoped, Professor McGonagall went bright red in the face. "Well I never!" she said.

Harry smiled.

Professor McGonagall recovered in time to ask "And your nickname was?" as the fireplace flared green and Neville and Hannah stepped out, arm in arm.

"Mister Longbottom, this is a fundraising gala, you're one of the volunteers to be auctioned" said Professor McGonnagall.

"And I'm his wife and I'll outbid and dance with my husband" said Hannah cheerfully. "Oh, you're Evan Slytherin, Neville mentioned you." she added politely.

"Good things, I hope?" asked Harry politely.

"Not entirely" said Hannah politely.

"Mister Slytherin has quite a way with words" said Professor McGonagall tightly.

"They called me Kettle" said Harry. "A nickname that means nothing."

"And your nom-de-guerre" said Professor McGonagall.

Ten minutes later, the fireplace flared and Hermione stepped out in a ball dress, her hair dosed with Sleekeazy's, looking elegant and a bit peeved.

"Miss Granger" said Professor McGonagall politely. "That's Evan Slytherin."

"Kettle" said Hermione. "Ron has mentioned him."

Harry smiled slightly. Hermione glared back.

"Now the auction is of course only symbolic, and you're only agreeing to a dinner date tonight" said Professor McGonagall. "And you're not obliged to leave the great hall with anyone."

Harry nodded, and Hermione looked annoyed. Harry thought about that and realised Hermione and Ron would have difficultly affording the cover charge, let alone bidding for Hermione. Harry felt thoughtful, frankly he couldn't really afford this event himself, not having spent a hundred galleons on a family holiday just weeks ago. The vault was… well there was money for the next set of taxes and that was it.

Harry, the Longbottoms and Hermione followed Professor McGonagall down the stairs to her gargoyle, then they stepped out into the halls of Hogwarts, and the weird brassy horn blew somewhere again.

"Mister Slytherin, that sound seems to accompany you to Hogwarts" said Professor McGonnagall tightly.

"I have no idea why it does that" admitted Harry completely honestly.

The motley group descended seven flights of stairs and they met a loose crowd of well-dressed people milling around, who seemed excited to see them. Harry realised they were surprised to see Kettle, well 'Evan Slytherin', his better-dressed glasses-less snakeskin hat wearing alter ego.

Harry was shown past the crowd into the great hall which was set up with round tables like the ill-fated Yule ball, and still had a high table, where McGonagall led them, to sit where everyone could see them. Harry noticed there were a number of press, including Rita and Bozo present, and expensively dressed young witches. Inheritress Shafiq was sitting at a table in a blue peacock-feather dress with a train of peacock tail feathers. The resulting dress was iridescent and expensive.

Hannah had peeled off and sat at a table with what looked like Susan Bones, but dressed right up.

On the opposite side of the hall was a blonde in a lace covered white evening dress that looked, to Harry's eye at least, rather like a wedding dress. She was sitting with a group of young witches, all expensively dressed, and they were staring at Harry like… distressingly like the way Sunny looked at chickens. Harry smiled pleasantly, and resisted the urge to ape Gilderoy Lockheart's simpering.

There was pre-auction stuff, and then Neville was up for auction, and stood sheepishly at the end of the high table. Professor Flitwick ran the actual auction very cheerily, and it was clearly a pretty light-hearted thing. The bidding cleared a hundred galleons quickly, and slowed at just over three hundred. When Flitwick said "Going once" Hannah raised her hand and said clearly "Four hundred." There were sniggers from the hall, Flithwick said "Going once, going twice?" banged his gavel and Neville walked down and sat next to his wife, who kissed him on the cheek. Neville blushed. Harry couldn't help smiling.

Hermione stood up and gracefully swished to the end of the high table.

"And now, one of the heroines of Hogwarts, Miss Hermione Granger." said Flitwick cheerily.

Harry looked around the hall. Ron's red hair wasn't visible.

Flitwick opened bidding at a hundred galleons, and someone bid that, then someone else raised, and then a hand raised, and an accented voice Harry recognised; that of Viktor Krum said "One thousand Galleons" Harry stared and there was Viktor, in a nifty red robe.

Hermione looked tense, and Flitwick said "Going once."

Nobody bid, and Flitwick said "Going once, going twice?" banged his gavel and Hermione stepped down off the plinth and walked over to Viktor at his table, and Viktor stood up, kissed Hermiones' hand and helped her sit. Harry wondered how Ron would take this. Lose his nut probably.

"Mister Slytherin" said Professor McGonagall quietly and urgently "You're up."

"And now, the special guest of the evening, The Slytherin of Slytherin, Evan Slytherin" said Professor Flitwick.

Bidding started at a hundred galleons, and Harry was amazed at how many hands went up.

Emmalise Shafiq did not bid. Harry felt slighted by that, but the bidding war from many witches continued till it was seven hundred gallons. Harry felt embarrassed, but it was for a good cause, he reassured himself.

Flithwick said "Going once, going twice?" and then, Emmalise Shafiq bid "One thousand galleons" she said in French-accented English.

"We have a thousand galleons, do I have another bid?" asked Professor Flitwick.

The white robed blonde witch lifted her hand and said clearly in Daphne Greengrass's voice "Two thousand Galleons."

Everyone, including Harry stared. She looked smug. Harry wondered what was going on.

"Four thousand Galleons" said Emmalise Shaifiq firmly, arm lifted.

Harry felt amused. He'd raised a load of money for Hogwarts. All he had to do was dance, eat dinner and not stab his date with the cutlery. Piece of cake.

Flitwick said "Going once, for four thousand galleons, the Slytherin of Slytherin."

"Eight thousand Galleons" said Daphne Greengrass and Harry blinked and swallowed. The same sort of pile of money twelve-year-old Harry had in Gringotts.

Emmalise Shafiq lowered her arm.

Flithwick said "Going once, do I have any other bids?"

Only Daphne Greengrass's arm was raised.

"Going once, going twice?" said Professor Flitwick "The Slytherin of Slytherin for eight thousand Galleons, thank you, miss for your generosity to Hogwarts." and he banged his gavel.

Harry stepped off the plinth feeling a bit floaty from the shock at the bidding getting so high, and walked over to the group of witches, where a white robed Daphne Greengrass sat looking smug, then as Harry got closer, she frowned, marring her white forehead "You?" she asked.

Harry nodded, and her companions decamped for the adjacent, empty table.

Daphne stood up, and tensed, and strode off towards the high table.

That action seemed to cause the chatter in the hall to get even louder, as people speculated.

Harry caught snatches of it "...Looks like Greengrass is going to try to marry Slytherin..."

"...Always was a snooty cow..."

Harry saw Daphne reached the high table where Professors McGonagall and Flitwick were sitting along with Bole Smith, who looked pretty pleased with himself, Harry thought, in a burst of irritation.

Daphne drew her wand and cast some variant of a privacy charm and said something.

Professor McGonagall shook her head and waved her hand sideways.

Harry trailed over to the high table, as their conversation seemed to be taking longer, and walked behind it and stared at his snake ring, and gazed at the Slytherin banner and hissed "$Awake, my pet$" as an experiment. As Harry was beginning to expect from Slytherin, the snake on the banner turned from side on to front on, opened its mouth wider and lifted its neck ridge, like a basilisk about to attack. There was, Harry mused probably a word for both poses in heraldry. Having made a visible indication that he was Slytherin's descendant, he turned around and saw Daphne Greengrass and Professor McGonagall staring at the banner, as was, Harry noticed, by the quietening in the room, everyone else.

Harry strolled far more casually than he felt to Greengrass who whispered at him "Your snake is rampant."

Harry smiled crookedly, inspiration struck, and he said "Perhaps later. Don't flatter yourself."

Daphne's mouth fell open, and Harry got to admire the evenness of her teeth. She blinked, closed her mouth, swallowed and said quietly "Professor McGonagall suggested quite sarcastically that there is a no refund policy."

Harry smiled, not believing his luck "Well, miss Greengrass" he said quietly "I've already given one refund."

Daphne's mouth opened, she stopped to think, exhaled with a huff and then spoke "I can't believe you're going to hold that against me" she snapped

Harry tried not to snort, and replied with "Well, not unless this date goes a lot better later." And another smile.

Daphne put her fists on her hips "You! You!" she stuttered.

"You keep giving me feed lines like this and I can keep going all night" said Harry.

"Boys say that, and can't deliver" said Daphne, and Harry had to stop and blink.

Had she just made a dirty joke? Finally, he nodded "Well done" he said.

Daphne smiled quickly and unevenly and held out her hand "Well, time to go back to my table and have a pointless date" she said.

Harry took her hand and sort of re-enacted taking a girl to the Yule ball in reverse, to her table.

Harry sat next to his date for the night. The dress was sort of wedding-dressey-ish but also very expensive. And the witch in it was looking at Harry looking annoyed "You're not the Slytherin of Slytherin" she said.

Harry pointed at the locket with his left index finger, where the creepy snake ring sat "Slytherin locket, Slytherin's ring" said Harry "I am he."

"You said you were not the heir of Slytherin" said Daphne tightly. "I spent eight thousand galleons to get a date with the best pedigreed wizard in England."

"When you asked, I was already Slytherin of Slytherin" said Harry "I had to kill Uncle Tom, the head of the family. Terribly old dark family of us." he quipped, then sniffed; there was a strangely familiar perfume in the air.

"You're just..." said Daphne.

Harry cast Snape's privacy charm and the surroundings quietened . "Black of Black, Slytherin of Slytherin, the last Potter, and the last Peverell too." said Harry "Four families, and a quarter share of a castle. It's a school, so I can't live here."

"You… duplicitous…. Forked tongued…. Sneak" said Daphne, who was almost shaking with annoyance.

Harry nodded and stared at his creepy snake ring "$I will take forked tounged on the chin$" he hissed Harry looking at Daphne's face and switching to English "I could have worn my mamba, but she's frankly a heavy, lazy brute. Grandpa Sal did value guile. Well, and I suspect when I argued with the sorting hat it just did what it was told."

"A while ago there was a fanfare played "said Daphne, frowning "Was that your fan club?"

Harry shook his head "Hogwarts does that now. Come to think of it, since I won, I've come back to Hogwarts twice, and it's tooted for me me both times. I'm not sure why."

"You've no idea" corrected Daphne.

Harry shook his head "But, you know I'm a tolerable dancer."

"I had plans" said Daphne firmly "The best pedigreed wizard in Britain, obviously powerful, and it turns out to be just you, with a tan."

"Me with a tan, is actually me" said Harry with a small smile.

"I was after the scion of a great and ancient family" said Daphne. "Not you."

"In my defence" said Harry "I am actually the goods you were after."

"And stuck on Ginny Weasley" said Daphne "And thus useless."

"Well, I did get some therapy for that" admitted Harry "And not only do I need a holiday to get over my holiday, I need therapy to get over the things Lowry told me in therapy."

"You went on Holiday? Where?" asked Daphne, her interest piqued. And distracted from the statement about therapy, so that was good, thought Harry.

"My Caribbean island" said Harry "Hence the tan."

Daphne folded her arms over her dress "You do not have a Caribbean island, I'd know." she said dismissively.

"I most certainly do, miss Greengrass" said Harry "Sadly, my godfather's tropical cabin had been flattened by a cyclone, which is apparently a kind of very large storm, bigger than a hurricane, and I spent the first weeks building a stronger cottage."

"And why is that so tiring?" asked Daphne.

"Because my five-year-old daughter and my five-year-old godson got bored and you can only make so many sand castles before you just want to lie in a hammock and sleep." said Harry "And the staff had the holiday off."

"Still, you don't really have a castle" said Daphne.

"Well, apart from the map Bole Smith bribed me with to come to Hogwarts board of Governors meetings, that shows where Slytherin's house was, no, only a château in France, a gîte, and Black Manor." said Harry "And the old Peverell place, whatever and wherever that is."

Dance music started from a floating orchestra of charmed instruments.

"Well, there's always dancing" said Harry "Come on?"

"I don't know why I'm bothering?" said Daphne bitterly.

"Well you paid eight thousand galleons, best to get value for money" said Harry lightly.

Daphne crossed her arms "And you did this auction to show off how great you are?" she said.

"No, because the Hogwarts trust is short of gold" said Harry seriously "We might be able to replace the school brooms and have scholarships for poor families at this rate."

"And why couldn't you just give them gold?" asked Daphne "It's your school."

"I gave the money back" said Harry "I read your letters, and I was so ashamed of being greedy. Voldemort spent most of the Slytherin wealth during the war."

"If you'd kept the money, you could have avoided all this fuss" said Daphne firmly.

"Well, yes, but I wanted to give it back, your family didn't deserve that curse." said Harry.

"If it comes out that Kettle is Evan Slytherin, I'm going to be hounded by gossip writers" said Daphne.

"Daphne, you've come to a date auction to bid, in a very expensive wedding dress" said Harry bluntly "You planned to ensnare Evan Slytherin in your feminine wiles?"

"I planned to find an acceptable suitor" said Daphne stiffly.

"Well, you didn't actually fail" said Harry lightly "It's just I think you're spoilt."

"My father bought me a fur seal coat, yet your four-year-old daughter has an arctic fox fur coat." said Daphne. "You're spoiling that girl, but it's quite natural. Every father wants to spoil his daughters."

"Yours has done a grand job" countered Harry quickly.

"Your daughter is the most spoilt little girl anyone has ever met." said Daphne. "Someone needs to start saying no to her."

Harry stared at Daphne "No?" he asked, curiously "All she had was no for four years" Harry added very severely. For some reason his stupid eyes started watering.

"And that's terrible but does not excuse pandering to her every whim." said Daphne.

"I've never panda'ed" said Harry feeling pleased at the accidental feedline "I've penguined, Giraffed, Foxed, and even Babbity'Rabbity'ed, but never panda'ed" he added with a slight smirk.

"What ever do you mean?" asked Daphne.

"Well, I read her stories in costume, and if the book's about a penguin, I wear a penguin suit. I originally conjured her a penguin costume to listen to Percy the persistent Penguin, but she didn't want to wear it." explained Harry "So I enlarged it and read the book in costume. It's our thing now."

Daphne's lips twitched "As a penguin. Doing the noises?" she asked.

"Well honestly I don't know what a penguin sounds like, so I did honks." said Harry. "Your sister got one about Manticores, and lost marks for no costume."

Daphne frowned "That's what she went on about?" asked Daphne "Your daughter made her read a story."

"Delphini can't tell Astoria from Story" said Harry "And I hate telling her no, and it was very funny. That tortuous tome is nothing but terribly timed tongue twisters."

Daphne frowned once again at that. Harry felt, in a manner of speaking that he was on a bit of a roll.

Harry smiled. "I can't be forced to read it for ages, repeat books are outside the arrangement we have."

"Well my father never wore costumes to read me a story before bedtime" said Daphne "So I'm clearly less spoilt than Delphini."

"Well, that's mostly for the after-breakfast and after-lunch stories" said Harry "Three a day, though she mostly reads her own after breakfast ones. She will come and ask about the animals in the book, if it has them, and we look them up and find them on the globe and if it's a scary monster, discuss how we should deal with it. For manticores, it's get me to deal with it."

Daphne Greengrass unfolded one arm and rested her chin on it "You've made reading children's stories into two classes a day in geography, and defence against dangerous creatures?"

"Well, her nanny is teaching reading, writing and mathematics, so I do a little-bit of fun stuff every day too." said Harry. "Speaking of which, we could dance?"

Daphne stood up and held out a hand, and Harry followed the swishing pile of white silk, and they danced. Daphne Greengrass danced rather reluctantly, maybe she'd turned an ankle? There was perfume about her Harry vaguely recognised, but couldn't think where from.

One tune later, Daphne Greengrass started trying to lead Harry into a different kind of dance, and Harry's feet actually knew where to go as they started spinning across the floor.

She kept moving"You know how to dance a Viennese Waltz?" she asked.

"Er, Aunt Andromeda taught me a ghastly number of dances" said Harry.

"Well" said Daphne "After this, there's a foxtrot" she said more cheerfully.

Harry was feeling hungry, a foxtrot, quickstep, waltz and Viennese waltz later, and the music finally stopped. Hermione had been talking to Viktor and wasn't looking annoyed. So there was that. Harry supposed. Greengrass was dancing with him, and only tried to lead a little. She wasn't doing the thing where she was like a self-flying broom, but she was annoyed, Harry supposed.

Finally, the music stopped with a sort of musical sigh and Harry accompanied Daphne back to the table, and remembered to help her shove her chair in, with the dress getting in the way.

Daphne took a sip from a falsh she had in a pocket then looked at the menu that appeared and frowned.

"What's the problem?" asked Harry.

"The dishes are all a bit Hogwartsy" said Daphne.

"Erm, Hogwarts" said Harry "And we couldn't spend a fortune on the food, it's a fundraiser."

Daphne was eating the main, a fish with salad very carefully when a blob fell. Harry reached over and snatched the blob of food before it landed on her dress.

Daphne looked down in surprise. Harry opened his hand, now between Daphne and the table, and waved the blob of food "Parent reflexes" said Harry blandly. "I assume getting food stains off this dress would be a nightmare."

Daphne shooed his hand away and Harry vanished the mess on his palm "I would be making speciality potions to get the stain out for weeks" admitted Daphne "Thank you."

After the meal, dance music started again. Harry stood up "Well, you paid eight thousand galleons, you might as well get your money worth" he quipped.

"That is a tango, you know" said Daphne.

"Oh, do you not know how?" asked Harry blandly.

Daphne stood up sharply, her hair lifting slightly "I assure you, I can tango." said Daphne firmly, holding out one hand.

Harry started to tango across the great hall with Daphne, and quickly discovered something incredibly uncomfortable. While she was dancing reluctantly today, in a tango, Harry ended up with Daphne's thighs against his thigh and it was incredibly distracting, as was her perfume. Which was mostly irritatingly familiar, and partly something exotic.

Four clinches later Harry was hoping his half-robe was concealing his trousers, as he was sure they needed adjusting. Daphne's face had something odd about it at the next clinch and she said quietly "Stop pulling me so hard against your leg" she said breathily "We're dancing not making love."

Harry tried not to pull so hard, and the next clinch wasn't as much of a bump.

"Better" said Daphne as she spun, and they changed direction, side by side.

Two more spins and the Tango ended, and Harry needed a cold drink, and by the look on Daphne's face, she did too. Harry tried to gracefully lead her to a drinks table, and his previous experience with the HMS Daphne Greengrass saw him well. As he handed her a cold glass of water, he noticed her ears were pink. He'd seen Delphini's and Teddy's ears do that too, when they were tired.

"Are you tired?" Harry asked and Daphne frowned at him.

Why would you ask?" she said, straightening the outer layer of her dress, then having a sip of whatever she had in the flask. Harry felt self-righteous for not drinking booze tonight.

"Your ears are pink, and that means four-year-old's tired." said Harry quietly.

Daphne's ears got pinker somehow. "I'm not a tired four-year-old" she said, still breathing deeply.

Harry looked carefully at her neck, and finally saw the line of some kind of makeup, behind which there was faint pinkness to her neck. Harry's total lack of experience of women in makeup saw him make a faux pas at this point.

"Your neck'd be pink too if it wasn't for that makeup" he observed.

"I'm a bit warm" said Daphne tightly. Harry felt the urge to suggest she remove some layers of clothing, and get himself badly hexed. He smiled instead. This wasn't so bad. With any luck she'd give him a line he could turn into another sarcastic remark soon.

"We could walk outside to cool off" said Harry, thinking that might afford an opportunity to rearrange his pants.

Daphne cast a privacy charm "I am not going outside with you" she said "People would talk… more."

"Take a friend" suggested Harry amiably. "I'll sit around and wait."

"You will not be dancing with anyone, not even my friends" said Daphne.

"Not even if they spot you some galleons?" asked Harry, and Daphne's lips which were somehow an interesting pink colour pursed, but lifted at the ends "Not even then." she said "And no dancing with friends of yours."

Harry mentally considered that a partial success on the sarcasm front. "Susan?" asked Harry innocently.

"You can dance on your own time, you can go and… take care of your wardrobe." said Daphne finishing off her water.

Harry felt a blush spreading from his cheeks, to his ears, down his neck. For some reason, Daphne smiled minutely at that, lifting her nose, and swept off like a big white ship to the table with Lily and Sally and company.

Harry tried to pull his robes mostly shut and keeping some dignity, leave the great hall and find somewhere to er, straighten things out in his pants. He settled for the ground floor boys loos, which were as dire as he remembered, and took a stall and adjusted things. He opened the stall and was trying to leave when a vaguely familiar Flint-like wizard came in and pushed Harry by his neck against the stall doors with one meaty hand. "You're a nobody" said his attacker "And you'll get yours, blood traitor."

Harry felt the almost pleasantly familiar sensation of someone either trying to kill him, or at least threaten him. He reached up and held the arm pushing his neck down against his chest, and tried to remember the rest of that Auror drill… oh yes, the twist and the kick. Harry twisted sideways, and kicked 'Flint's' knee, which snapped with an audible crack, and the wizard fell to the ground, his face pale, his eyeballs rolling up into his head. The bloody pansy had fainted from just a broken knee.

Harry drew his wand and bound the unconscious wizard into a cocoon of black ropes, and with a swish and flick, levitated him to the ceiling, where a sticking charm left him out of the way.

Harry looked in the mirrors over the sinks critically, and charmed some small rips out of his silvery shirt, and stuck a button back on. He looked, apart from a few scratches, well put together. Harry disdainfully epsiky'ed the small scratches, and looked none the worse for wear.

He left the boys loos, and the ground floor was surprisingly crowded still.

Harry was buttonholed by a blonde witch in glasses he thought he should recognise.

"Sally Anne-Perks, Slytherin house" said the witch politely. "Your Slytherin-ness" she added, and curtsied badly.

Harry rolled his eyes "I'm just the head of house Slytherin, not a prince" he said.

"Well, you're as good as though" said Sally-Anne "Apart from Harry Potter, you're the best thing going. And he's a recluse" she added.

"One sympathises" said Harry drily.

"Where did you go to school?" asked Sally-Anne obliviously.

"Hogwarts, for a bit," said Harry, "when things got too dangerous I left."

"I never saw you, and I saw everyone." said Sally-Anne. "Are you in disguise?" she asked, looking pleased by this idea.

"I'm the Slytherin of Slytherin" said Harry "And Daphne Greengrass has bought my time tonight."

"So much money" said Sally-Anne "Will you be ravishing her later?"

"The deal" Harry swallowed "Was to be a dinner date with some dancing. Ravishing falls somewhat outside of the scope of that, I feel." Harry desperately tried not to think about those thighs wrapping around his hips, her pink lips.

"But you two danced the tango, the dance of love" said Sally-Anne enthusiastically.

"We'll it's certainly disturbing to tango with pretty young witches" said Harry.

"Are you actually a woman in disguise as a man?" asked Sally-Anne, beaming at her own cleverness.

"Erm, no" said Harry "Just trying to raise funds for Hogwarts. Rebuilding left the trust a bit empty."

Sally-Anne drew her wand for somewhere in her dress and cast a 'finite'. Harry sighed as his hair went back to being black and messy and his glasses became visible, and stopped colour-changing.

"Ohmigod, you're Harry Potter" she said in a rush.

"I was trying to keep a low profile" said Harry glumly.

"The green really brings out your eyes" said Sally-Anne. Harry saw an oncoming white dress out of the corner of his eye.

"You" said Daphne curtly "why did you drop your disguise?"

Sally-Anne waved "I um… wanted to know if he was wearing a disguise." she said.

"Sally-Anne!" said Daphne "Now the bloody prophet will be claiming Daphne Greengrass is romantically entangled with Potter."

"Slytherin, if we're sticking to seniority" said Harry. "Or Potter-Black."

Lily Moon shoved her way over and looked at Harry "So Evan Slytherin's Harry Potter?"

"Or Kettle" said Harry. "Smith busted Kettle as a Slytherin, some Hogwarts founders thing at their manor. Also exposing Neville Longbottom as the heir of Gryffindor, but does He get romantically linked with someone he just dances with, no."

"He's married" said Daphne firmly "And his wife outbid everyone and danced with him."

"Well, it wasn't that much compared to me" said Harry with crooked grin.

"He's so bloody conceited" said Daphne crossly.

"Er, Daphne, I think he's making fun of you" said Lily. "Dangerous as that is."

"Oh I think I can dodge hexes" said Harry "We going back into the great hall like this?, or can I get changed?"

"It's pointless" said Daphne, waving her hand at the staring guests "Everyone's seen."

"Cheer up" said Harry "Could be worse."

"How" said Daphne bluntly.

"Delphini could be here calling you mum." said Harry, and got a slap on the arm for his teasing. Totally worth it.

Harry felt it was sort of traditional for dinner dates to end in a kiss, so as the last quite slow waltz happened Harry quietly cast a privacy charm and said quietly "One kiss goodnight?"

Daphne rolled her eyes "I suppose I did pay for a dinner out" she said "One kiss. But not in public."

She headed off her maybe-not-a-wedding dress, out of the great hall, into the hallway, which was still scattered with people, so Daphne headed over to the side room that the first years were kept in before sorting.

Daphne stopped, cast a privacy charm, swigged from her flask again, licked her lips and stood expectantly.

Harry leaned over and kissed her on the lips. It was, Harry discovered, having had a dry few years, easier to start kissing someone than stop. After an awkwardly long period of kissing, which felt like ages, but might have been ten seconds, Harry stood up and looked at Daphne, whose lips, Harry noticed, where a pleasant pink colour, and his lips said 'and nice to kiss' to his brain. His tongue wondered what that tasted like, because his lips thought...quite delightful.

Daphne blinked "What was that?" she asked.

"Um" said Harry, biting his lower lip "A kiss. I'm a bit out of practice."

Daphne eyes which for some reason looked very large now stared into Harry's eyes. They're blue, Harry thought. Quite blue, not ocean coloured like Ron's… but like… a cloudless sky blue. Or, his spine suggested, like a Caribbean ocean blue.

"A kiss?" she said "it was a quite… adequate kiss." she said. Harry felt relieved. It hadn't been wet, like Cho, or that oddly awkward last kiss with Ginny.

"What are you thinking?" asked Daphne quickly and quite loudly "I'm certainly not going home with you."

Harry felt his cheeks go red, his ears warm up. "I was just… thinking compared to the two other girls I've kissed, that wasn't bad." His imagination had started trying to fill in a Daphne Greengrass on his beach in a bikini for his imaginary pleasure. The water would match her eyes. His lips felt dry all of a sudden.

"Not Bad?" asked Daphne slowly. Harry smiled weakly.

"Well, not all crying and stuff, or coldly goodbye like Ginny's last kiss" explained Harry.

Daphne's eyes narrowed "That is a pathetic standard to judge kisses on" she said sharply.

"It's what I've got" said Harry, desperately now trying not to imagine Daphne Greengrass in a white bikini and blue mirror sunglasses. His brain was reminding him of Fleur in a swimsuit, and he really didn't want to remember seeing those nipples sticking up under the silvery swimsuit. Not right now.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Daphne "You've gone glassy-eyed. Are you under the influence of a substance? Has your bravery potion worn off? Having a fuge?"

Harry shook his head "I'm fine" he said and smiled mechanically.

Daphne leaned over and whispered huskily in his ear, "Oh, you'd beg, you'd crawl over broken glass" Harry shuddered involuntarily. "Can you not do that" he whispered. "It's nerve-wracking."

"You claim my wiles are inadequate. If I wanted you, you'd be begging." whispered Daphne huskily.

At this point, Harry did something brave, and extremely foolish, and pulled his head back so her head wasn't by his ear, grasped Daphne's head with both hands and kissed her firmly on the lips, pressing his tongue just through his lips and giving her soft warm delicious lips a slow gentle lick, and releasing her. Harry's tongue filled in to his brain that her lips tasted nice.

Daphne stood still, staring at Harry, then pulled her hands up to her hips "Well!" she said firmly "Goodnight!"

Harry felt that had gone about as well as could be hoped, and quickly winked and walked off, unhexed. His back itched a little, but no hex arrived.

He got out of the front doors, and faced a long walk to Hogsmeade, which he did with his hands in his robe pockets, thinking about nothing. Well, apart from that last stolen kiss, and how… it had been a bloody long time since Harry Potter had snogged someone, let alone some memorable sessions with Ginny in abandoned classrooms.

The cold night air cooled his face down, and by the time he got to the gates of Hogwarts, he wished he had a cloak. Or a broom. Or a cloak and a broom.

Harry apparated home with a crack, oblivious to the witches following him.

Harry's bed had a grumpy little limpet in it.

"Delphini dear, you have to sleep in your own bed" said Harry "You elbow me in the kidneys."

"I won't" said Delphini tiredly. Harry picked his heavy little girl up and carried her to her own bed, and tucked her in and kissed her head goodnight.

"Father what's that smell?" asked Delphini "Like flowers?"

"Um, my date's perfume maybe" said Harry. "I had a date to raise money for Hogwarts."

"Did you dance?" asked Delphini, with a yawn.

"Yes, I danced" said Harry, his thigh remembering Daphne's thighs sliding down it.

"Did you laugh?" asked Delphini.

"A bit" said Harry.

"Daffy. Daffy makes you laugh." said Delphini.

"Goodnight dear" said Harry and went to his room, dumped the outfit, and in his waistcoat and trousers went to the bathroom to er… relieve the tension.

Harry went to sleep in his tartan pyjamas and had nightmares about… that Flint-alike that had accosted him. Which was less awkward than a wet dream about the dance partner would have been.

Harry was woken very early by Delphini who had also, apparently had a nightmare, and Buny needed to sleep on Father.

His back hurt later from little elbows.

-==0==-