Ashes in your mouth

Chapter Fourteen: Repercussions

Argus Filch was cleaning up after last nights fundraiser, pushing his cleaning cart and grumbling to himself when he opened the door to the ground floor boys loos.

"I say, let me down!" yelled someone.

Argus looked up, and stuck to the ceiling, bound in fine black ropes, was a wizard.

"What you doing up there?" asked Argus.

"Get me down at once you cretin!" said the wizard.

Argus looked at the wizard "You're one of the Flint boys" he said "Bunch of pillocks."

"Get me down at once. That Slytherin chap stuck me up here last night" said the wizard loudly.

There was, Argus noted a puddle of pee on the floor under the wizard.

Argus latched the door open, went to his cart and got his mop, mopped the pee up fairly carefully,

put his mop back in the bucket, and unfolded a drop-cloth under the wizard.

"Don't want you staining the floor" said Argus snidely.

"Get me down you cretinous squib!" yelled the wizard.

Argus looked up at the red-faced wizard. "If Mister Slytherin puts you on the ceiling, then you belong there, he's the Slytherin of Slytherin after all." said Argus "And I think I don't like you, and Hogwarts is closed all summer, so, I think this bathroom's closed for repairs."

With that, Argus got a sign out of a cupboard on his cleaning cart, and hung it on a hook on the door.

'Closed for repairs' read the sign.

Argus unhooked and shut the door, blocking out the yelling of the wizard, and locked the door with a large iron key.

"Well that Evan Slytherin's all right then, Mrs Norris" said Argus to his manky old cat.

She meowed.

"Want some fish do you?" he asked. "I'll catch one for you later."

'Meow' went Mrs Norris.

"I've got all this floor to clean up again, and I dare say the first floor broom cupboards and empty class rooms will all need tidied." said Argus. "Maybe the headmistress will let me use Flint's skull as a candle-stick?"

Mrs Norris looked at him … like a cat.

"I'll send a letter to Mister Slytherin. I'll bet he lets me use the thumbscrews and manacles again." mused Argus. "Stands to reason, He's a Slytherin after all."

-==0==-

Harry was trying to have breakfast, at Black Manor, with Delphini and the Pottingers, but the Daily Prophet had decided to run the entire front page about Slytherin.

'Harry Potter, secretly Evan Slytherin, Slytherin of Slytherin'

And below the fold

'Daphne Greengrass and the eight thousand galleon date with her lover, Harry Potter'

Harry looked in disgust at that and turned to the second page.

'Harry Slytherin-Black-Potter, the heir among us'

Harry sighed and looked at the next story below the fold.

'Our Parselmouth Slytherin Saviour?'

And on page three, somehow they'd got a photo of Harry and Daphne Tango-ing. Harry blinked. Bloody hell that looked like they were a lot friendlier than they were. Daphne was hitched up Harry's leg and the way her head was tilted back, Harry felt a disturbance in his pants. And it was an animated photo so Daphne kept looking like she was humping Harry's leg.

It had been far too exciting at the time and the photo, well Harry wondered how the Daily Prophet could even print it.

Harry wondered which witch would drop by to complain. Daphne? Her mother? Or perhaps her sister.

Narcissa Malfoy was not who he was expecting. Her hair was just so, and her robes couture, but she looked Harry in the face and asked "You're Slytherin?" and her eyelids were trembling.

Harry shrugged "I was trying to keep that quiet. Unfortunately Daphne Greengrass has known about Evan for ages, as Kettle."

"Kettle?" asked Narcissa, breaking eye contact and looking over at the curtains. "Honestly those curtains are ghastly."

"They were affordable." said Harry "Someone didn't lean on the goblins hard enough."

"And how would we access a Swiss account. We were under house arrest." said Narcissa, not facing Harry.

"I could have arranged that, if you'd asked." said Harry. "Kinsley..."

"Is prepared to do as you ask for no money" said Narcissa sourly.

"Well, something about Voldemort." said Harry "Who you served dinner to for years."

"And you're his… what?" asked Narcissa.

"We were relatives" admitted Harry "More than being parselmouths. There's a lot of blood magic in our family history. Makes things difficult, let Tom send me nightmares. Like the McGinty's."

Narcissa looked at Harry blankly.

"Or Selwyns" offered Harry.

"But… the Selwyns go mad from that sort of thing" said Narcissa, sounding surprised, her eyes narrowing minutely.

"Well, Tom had a good go" admitted Harry, more casually than before, say, having traumatic bits of his life surgically memory charmed away, "I'm made of sterner stuff than Selwyns. Grandpa Sal' would be very disappointed if any of our family went mad just from being mentally tortured."

"You can't speak of Salazar Slytherin like that!" said Narcissa, suddenly upright and indignant.

"He's my ancestor" said Harry "And I've seen his statue in the chamber of secrets when I saved a pure-blood Tom was killing to come back to life. He was not a modest or kind man. Tom made you all watch while Nagini ate people, well, I saw that too. Grandpa Sal used a basilisk instead. Compared to our ancestor, Tom was a bit of a pussycat, and I'm a puffskein, well apart from killing Tom."

"And my niece is heiress" said Narcissa, looking at Delphini who was watching adults, and eating egged toast soldiers at the same time. Mostly successfully.

"My daughter is Heiress." snapped Harry, "You've seen the current Slytherin family snake, Sunny. Her full name is Glittering scales shining in the warm sun, but she's not smart like Nagini. Still, it's a family thing. For us, she's like a very lazy, low maintenance dog."

"And she'd kill anyone at your command" said Narcissa.

"She was a trained assassin when some person tried to kill me with a snake." said Harry, smiling thinly and pointing to his neck "got some nifty bite marks."

"Are you choosing Daphne Greengrass as your wife?" asked Narcissa, finally getting to the point. She was worse than Slughorn.

Harry snorted. "I went to that event to raise funds for Hogwarts. Daphne Greengrass had decided that the current Slytherin of Slytherin, sight unseen was a suitable husband, and came as you've seen in the Prophet by now, in what was practically a wedding dress, and outbid Inheritress Shafiq for an evening of dinner and dancing. And Hogwarts can get new brooms, and the trust will have enough money to give aid to poor families and orphans. Miss Greengrass was disappointed to discover it was me, but I am at least a decent dancer."

"You don't want her for a wife?" asked Narcissa. Harry ignored the suggestion.

"I wanted to raise money for Hogwarts" said Harry "And why, of all people have you come to complain?"

"Because my daughter-in-law and her mother are at home trying to comfort Daphne, who has discovered a humiliating spread in the prophet, including you committing an indecency upon her in public." said Narcissa.

"It's a tango" said Harry "Daphne knew perfectly well what a tango entailed." Harry swallowed, the memory of that tango particularly uncomfortable. And there was a photo in the prophet. The way she'd tipped her head back was well... it was good form for a tango, but it certainly looked like she was enjoying herself a lot. Harry's leg tingled at the memory.

"Did the blood traitor really break you so badly?" asked Narcissa, and Harry clenched his hands into tight fists.

"Get out before I lose my temper" said Harry, quietly and slowly.

"Being angered so easily is a weakness" scoffed Narcissa.

"Would be" said Harry mildly "Except I'm capable of beating the head of the DMLE in a duel in six seconds, and the dear old Mugwump who came to test me, Madame Oberlund, she lasted ten."

"Oberlund?" asked Naricssa "But she's…."

"Bad news, one would assume" said Harry blandly.

"Grindelwald's aunt" said Narcissa. "You beat her?"

"Broke her arm and disarmed her" said Harry, pausing to think about Grindelwald having an aunt for a bit. "So, unless you know anyone who duels in that league… I can lose my temper and it doesn't matter. And we both know Kingsley's never going to put me to trial for anything, and neither will his successor. As I can do dementors, dragons and basilisks, short of getting giants, I have little to fear."

"There's the killing curse" said Narcissa breathily.

"Had it Twice" said Harry "So… anyone trying that, would have to be very brave and very stupid."

"Which is why you need to marry." said Narcissa "A strong young woman could ..."

"Wear me out?" asked Harry "I have two five-year-olds. I handle my mail, garden, and have no time for spoilt witches." Harry noticed Delphini was wathcing, and eating, and quite a lot of egg was going on her pinafore.

"Bear a child that was a strong wizard or witch" corrected Narcissa.

"I have two. They're both very magical" said Harry. Magically messy is a kind of magical.

"The Greengrass girls are rather rustic country types" said Narcissa "By Black family standards they're a bit… rural."

"Well, that's a ghastly insight into the family, thank you" said Harry sarcastically "And why did Drakey pooh get to marry such a rustic little girl?"

"You know perfectly well that the girl was dying, and Draco fell in love." said Narcissa sternly, "And with his reputation, and poor health, we had to take what we could get."

"Well, Pansy did make herself popular" said Harry sarcastically. "I suppose, the correct spouse for a Black is another Black, keeping it in the family."

Narcissa stormed off.

Harry waited till he heard the fireplace roar with floo powder before standing and doing a little victory dance. Delphini, to Harry's delight, moved her hands in time with Harry's 'dancing.'

After that, he considered Daphne Greengrass's predicament. And after a moments thought, decided to send her a modest bunch of flowers and a card saying 'Commiserations on your poor showing in the Daily Prophet.' She'd taken a huge risk on trying to woo poor Evan Slytherin in one night, and frankly, deserved what she got.

Harry made a mental note to send that in two days. No point kicking her when she was already down. He'd wait till she got back up first.

In the meantime, he had a daughter to read a book with. Who apparently wanted to dance first.

Two fun-filled chapters of "Fantastic beasts for children" later, the library doors opened and Andromeda and Teddy came in. Teddy, with pink hair ran over and sat next to Delphini.

"You made a splash in the Daily Prophet" observed Andromeda, crossing the room calmly.

"Mrs Malfoy senior came to make enquiries" said Harry "I made her leave with polite words."

"And what did that morally bankrupt blood bigot have to say for herself?" asked Andromeda, studiously casually.

"Not in front of these two" said Harry.

Andromeda sat down on a couch and summoned a book to read "Well, when Sarah takes them off for a lesson, you can tell me." said Andromeda mildly.

"Father!" said Delphini "I saw bad aunty Narcy, and she didn't say any bad words. You should marry Daffy."

"Carthago Delanda est " quipped Andromeda.

Harry furrowed his brow "What's carthago?" he asked.

"Merlins beard, you're such an oik" said Andromeda. "Never mind" she said and got a book to read while Harry read the bestiary with Delphini and Teddy. Action noises were supplied by Harry.

Sarah, a chapter later, took Teddy and Delphini off to lean about adding, and Andromeda banished the book she was reading back onto the shelf it had come from.

"Why Her" asked Andromeda, rather bluntly.

"Because Mrs Greengrass and Mrs Malfoy are comforting poor innocent Daphne who turned up to a date auction in a wedding dress. She'd decided that as the Slytherin of Slytherin was roughly her age, and apparently a saturnine man, she would have him." said Harry, not smiling.

"And how was her evening?" asked Andromeda with a small smile.

"She recognised Evan Slytherin as Kettle, the fireworks guy" said Harry "Bole Smiths' fault really, he cleaned the damn Hogwarts shield at their manor, and it lights when the founder's current heads are in the manor. Still, I managed to dob in Neville Longbottom too."

"Didn't you use the sword in second year to kill the basilisk?" asked Aunt Andromeda.

"Neville's a day older" said Harry, and he smiled smugly. "I dodged that." Aunt Andromeda gave Harry a very McGonagall like look at that.

"And how are you going to react to the 'Prophet article?" asked Andromeda.

"By doing nothing" said Harry "And in a few days, sending Daphne Greengrass a small bunch of flowers, and a card 'commiseration for your poor showing in the Prophet.'" Harry smiled.

"Did you have a particularly foul time?" asked Andromeda. "She seems decent enough dinner company."

"I had a perfectly reasonable time" said Harry "But I don't appreciate being assumed to be the sort of person that one good date in a wedding dress makes into a starry eyed poet."

"You will find that all partners after your first one have to pass the ghosts of those that came before" said Andromeda quite seriously.

"Which is why you're a grandmother without a boyfriend" said Harry sourly.

"I lost Ted and Nymphadora, Harry. Both murdered" said Andromeda tightly.

"Tell me about losing your whole family to murder." said Harry "Does it leave you hurting? I would not know."

"You sarcastic man" said Andromeda stiffly "You're exercised about being taken for granted, aren't you?"

"Her first words to me last night were, 'You' and the sort of glare usually reserved for someone visited by the Malfoys." said Harry, feeling heat in his belly.

"You're so annoyed you're prepared to annoy me to get me to leave too, aren't you?" asked Andromeda annoyingly perceptively.

"Yes" said Harry bluntly.

"Stop being childish." said Andromeda, "You've raised a small fortune for Hogwarts, and a decade of orphans and poor families will be able to get a decent education. You've been dodging your inheritance since the battle of Hogwarts, and while I recognise that you don't want to be compared to your ancestor or predecessor, you can do so much good."

"And that!" snapped Harry "Is all I'm going to hear for the next century! I did things that needed to be done, and nearly died. But now, I have to do public speaking, turn up to fundraising galas. And you and Hermione will want me to be some sort of political activist. I hate politics. I hate public speaking."

"You taught dozens of Hogwarts students how to fight, changed the course of the war." said Andromeda.

"A large number of them have names on the memorial at Hogwarts" said Harry "They were kids, they should have been gossiping about who was going out with who, not getting murdered by blood supremacists."

"But blood supremacists killed them, and the blood supremacists that are not dead are spreading their hate to the next generation. You could give a talk at Hogwarts, once a year, telling the students why so many of the names on the wall are children." said Andromeda, blinking back tears and sniffing.

"Because I'm Harry Potter, I'll just be some old git from the history textbook soon." said Harry bitterly.

"Because you're the Slytherin of Slytherin, and the Black of Black. The most blood-supremacist family, and a founder of Hogwarts, known for being a massive blood supremacist." said Andromeda.

"But I'm not" said Harry "I was raised as a muggle, and I hardly have any political sway with the blood-supremacist families."

"You are Slytherin's descendant, through a 'muggleborn' and squibs. Pure breeding doesn't help, marrying muggleborns makes for more powerful children. Nymphadora was the first Black family full metamorphmagus born in centuries. The gift was assumed lost." said Andromeda "And Teddy's just as good as Nymphadora ever was at his age."

"I don't want to do it" said Harry. "And nobody can make me."

"That's true" said Andromeda. "Just consider that you're your generation's Dumbledore. What did he do to stop the next blood war?"

"Nothing" said Harry "Too many jobs, and too busy being clever."

"Conveniently, you can do better than that." said Andromeda.

"That's an unfair comparison" said Harry, feeling quite trapped.

"Oh come on, you defeated your dark lord before you passed NEWTs" said Andromeda "You can start your annual talk like that."

"Sounds like being the History of magic professor" said Harry "Except I'm not dead."

"Well, Professor Binns isn't going anywhere ever. As the Slytherin of Slytherin, do you regard that as an acceptable standard, and would your ancestors approve." asked Andromeda, raising her eyebrows speculatively.

"Well, Grandpa Sal would have banished him from the castle" admitted Harry "Vol … Uncle Tom didn't care. Like Dumbledore, he didn't care if people didn't know history."

"So?" asked Andromeda "You can press for that change."

Harry thought about that for a bit.

"You could teach the course yourself, of course" said Andromeda thoughtfully "You've got an O plus in history of magic, after all."

"Being a teacher would involve marking homework" said Harry "And that sounds worse than writing it."

"And thus, you're really going to be petty about your date" said Andromeda.

"I'm going to send a card and flowers" said Harry "That's polite."

Harry waited another day, and that evening, sent a small box of blue flowers and a card to Daphne Greengrass at Greengrass. 'My commiserations on your poor showing the Daily Prophet. H.S.B.P.P.'

Harry walked out of the florists into Diagon alley smiling and feeling quite smug.

The next morning, during post-breakfast mail processing, Kreacher popped into the study announced that 'A Greengrass' had arrived.

Harry walked out into the front hall, and there was Daphne Greengrass in light green robes, looking around, her hair down looking wavy and blonde.

"There you are" she said with a frown "I take it you sent the flowers and the card?" she pursed her lips. Which were pink-ish.

Harry was about to say something sarcastic, when the door to the drawing room opened and Delphini peeked out.

"Daffy!" said Delphini and walked over toward Daphne "Dancing?" she asked.

"No Delphini, I'm not dancing" said Daphne politely.

Delphini looked thoughtful.

"Did you have trouble understanding the card?" asked Harry. "We were on a decidedly un-romantic fundraising date, and you did get a poor review in the prophet, as it were."

Daphne crossed her arms across her chest "We need to go somewhere private and discuss that" she said. She had a very expressionless face today and was very tense.

"A follow-up to the kiss goodnight?" said Harry.

"You got a goodnight kiss, did you?" asked Daphne. Harry's brain tried to tell him something, but all he could remember was those thighs around his during the tango. His bits tingled.

"Er, you were the one I was kissing" said Harry "Are you particularly annoyed I kissed you a second time?"

"Mister Slytherin, as that's apparently your name" said Daphne "We need to talk about the fundraising dinner unromantically privately. Certainly not in front of your darling little daughter."

"Unromantically privately?" asked Harry, brow furrowed "In the office, I suppose." Harry turned, and went back into the office. Daphne Greengrass followed him and very politely and gently pushed Delphini out of the doorway and shut the door and locked it behind her.

"Potter, some privacy charms?" said Daphne, "I won't draw my wand in your house, it's just good manners not to."

Harry drew his wand and cast Snapes' privacy spell and leaned back on the front edge of his desk. "Well, are you complaining about the card then?" Harry asked.

"I need to explain" said Daphne, looking, was she actually annoyed looking? Not just her resting expression. "May I sit, this is a long conversation, and I'm not interested in being interrogated."

Harry waved idly at the couches, and Daphne sat in one, crossing her legs and arranging her robes neatly.

Harry sat on the opposite one, a coffee table between them.

"I did not attend the fundraising dinner" said Daphne.

Harry nodded "You did" he said "Photos, lots of photos, I remember talking to you, dancing, a fairly chaste kiss and one decent kiss."

Daphne's lips tightened a bit into thinner line, hardly visible. "I did not attend." she said again, very primly, "I was left in tied up in my dressing room by Tracey, who took a hair off my head, and wore my wedding dress."

"Your wedding dress" said Harry. "It was a wedding dress then?"

"Mother bought me the dress I wanted for my seventeenth birthday" said Daphne "It's been in my dressing room in a box ever since."

Harry's brain finally got a message to his consciousness. "Polyjuice" said Harry. She'd been sipping from the flask all night. It was practically the same as Mad-eye Moody in fifth year.

"In a hip-flask" said Daphne.

"Your hip-flask too?" asked Harry.

"No, mine's enamelled pink" said Daphne.

"You have a pink hip-flask?" said Harry.

"For affordable drinks at concerts" said Daphne "The bar prices are extortionate." Harry wondered at that – Greengrass went to concerts? And drank?

"Why would Tracey go to the event as you, and outbid everyone" asked Harry.

Daphne went red in the face and hid her face behind her hands.

"Take your time" said Harry, wondering what the hell was going on.

A bit later, Daphne lowered her hands, still blushing a bit and said "Tracey's my best friend."

"Must be if she ties you up" said Harry.

"Don't be coarse" said Daphne sternly. "For... some time I've wanted a husband that was magically powerful, had a pedigree good enough to make grandmama think I was marrying upwards, and rich enough to not be a parasite on the family fortune, when I'm running the family."

Harry nodded, in what he hoped looked an encouraging way.

"Tracey has said for a while that I'm … unreasonable in how high I set the bar for acceptable suitors" said Daphne.

Harry wondered if he should nod, or would that look like agreeing. "Go on" he said, and that seemed a safe thing to say.

"Well, I ah, had started to moderate my requirements somewhat and well, when the fundraising dinner came up, I was going to go along and meet Evan Slytherin" said Daphne. "I wasn't going to bid eight thousand galleons."

"How much … were you going to bid?" asked Harry feeling curious.

"Well, four hundred, and maybe a thousand if he looked dishy." said Daphne.

"And Tracey decided to go disguised as you, and bid eight thousand." said Harry.

"And she used my money too" said Daphne.

"Went to Gringotts using polyjuice?" asked Harry. That sounds disturbingly familiar, he thought to himself.

"Took gems from my safe" said Daphne. "I was saving those for a rainy day."

"You had eight thousand galleons in your rainy day fund?" asked Harry.
"There was a war, Potter. I was prepared, as was my whole family, to run if we had to. We had portkeys, disguises, stashes of treasure."
"Are you going to get the money back?" asked Harry.

"It's not about the money, Potter" said Daphne. "Tracey decided that I needed a … push, and that she'd push me into the arms of Evan Slytherin. Who is apparently you. The tan suits you, by the way. Is it real?"

"Yeah" said Harry "Caribbean holiday."

Daphne's eyes widened subtly "Caribbean holiday" she echoed "Where did you stay?"

"My island" said Harry "A bit rustic but we did make a lot of sand castles. The sea's the colour of your eyes."

Greengrass blushed, and frowned "Tracey had no right to do that" said Daphne. "What if you'd taken me home."

"Well, she stopped after two kisses, put her hands on her hips and told me goodnight" said Harry "Given that we tangoed, it was a hard thing to do."

Daphne let Harry's pun wither and shrink, as it where, and instead said "I would never tango with a man who wasn't coming home with me."

Harry choked slightly.

"I'm an adult" said Daphne "Even if my best friend treats me like a child sometimes."

"Well, good luck finding someone suitable" said Harry. "Are you going public with your story?"

"Certainly not" said Daphne "I'd be a laughingstock if it ever happened to me again. Having never used the polyjuice defence I still have one media get-out-of-azkaban-free card."

"There's the not-so-convincing imperious curse defence" said Harry sarcastically. "Ask Draco's family about that."

"You are his family, technically" said Daphne.

"He's your brother-in-law. He's my what, third cousin by adoption?"

"Second cousin once removed" said Daphne.

"How do I upgrade that to always removed?" asked Harry.

Greengrass smiled wryly at that remark.

"What are you actually going to do?" asked Harry.

"Pretend it never happened" said Daphne. "You know it wasn't me."

"You did seem um... not as good a dancer as usual, and sipped from a flask continuously" said Harry thoughtfully "But, your whisper in my ear move was like yours. You said if you'd wanted me I'd crawl over broken glass."

"How absurd" said Daphne "If you'd crawled over broken glass you couldn't kneel comfortably."

Harry remembered that it was he, not Daphne with the sheltered childhood. And felt a distinct disturbance in his trousers. And that his cheeks might be pink.

"It is a pity that Tracey managed to trick you with a kiss goodnight" said Daphne "For reference, I'm a very different kisser to Tracey. Michael Corner said so. Harry felt a moments' irritation at Micheal, who by merit of being tall, dark and handsome, had dated… most of the good-looking girls at Hogwarts. As tall as Ron, or a tiny bit taller.

"You're saying you're a better kisser than Tracey" said Harry.

"I just kiss differently" said Daphne. "Stand up, and I could show you."

"Um… not right now" said Harry, aware of his pants needing rearranging. "and I've kissed your lips before, just Tracey was wearing them."

"Stand up, Potter" said Daphne, and she stood and walked to the space beyond the coffee table "One kiss so, you can't be tricked by Tracey's cheap imitation of me."

Harry stood up and walked in the direction of the doors "I think no, Miss Greengrass" said Harry "Thought Tracey seems like a very determined friend. Assuming you're Daphne and not Tracey."

"Oh good grief, you have a functioning brain!" said Daphne "One hour and no polyjuice, it wears off. We've been in here for fifteen minutes, have you got something you could discuss or show me for an hour?"

"Easily" said Harry smoothly, waited for Daphne to react, and she didn't, and then said "Being Evan Slytherin" Daphne sat down on the couch she'd just vacated.

"Well, explain please?" she asked.

Harry slouched casually into the facing couch and explained about the squibs marrying squibs, and a long line of squibs going back to Slytherin's squib daughter, Selene and that that was where Harry got green eyes and parseltounge from.

"That's quite an old family really" said Daphne. "Ignoring that he helped found Hogwarts, a magical family tree in the tenth century."

"Very old-fashioned family" said Harry, pointedly.

"How old-fashioned?" asked Daphne, one eyebrow rasised.

"Like Selwyns, old-fashioned" said Harry. "Though Grandfather Salazar would object to a family member going insane from it. At the dinner, I mentioned being the last of another old sacred-twenty-eight family too."

"That was Tracey not me" said Daphne. "I take it you admit to being the last Peverell."

Harry nodded "The three brothers Peverell and their wand, cloak and stone."

"Hence the shade you used to torture the design of our blood malediction out of" said Daphne.

"You're probably Daphne" said Harry.

"You could use recognition questions. Surely you learnt how to use those in the war?" said Daphne.

"I just don't know you that well" said Harry … "Wait… what did you tell me you suspected a daffodil was doing?"

"Being beaten, tied up, choked." said Daphne "Nothing I like."

"I can reasonably assume unless you tell Tracey everything, that you're Daphne Greengrass" said Harry. "When did you first know who my alter-ego was?"

"At Weaselys, discussing the Pansy and Dean issue" said Daphne. "I'm still on the fence about that."

"It's been ages, are they still together?" asked Harry.

"Pansy's still revoltingly soppy, and has lost most of her edge, till her caffine levels drop off, then she gets incredibly irritable" said Daphne.

Harry blinked and tried to process that. Dean had been Pansy-ing for … over a year.

"Er" said a Harry "As an ex-room-mate of Dean's, I have to say, I told you so. He's a good bloke, and somehow makes Pansy nice." He thought that was a nice thing to say, but Dean must be a bloody saint to put up with her.

"Pansy has said some things but I think I either obliviated myself or got confunded not to remember" said Daphne. "She was annoyingly graphic. I suspect."

"I will pretend that it's just the coffee" said Harry with a chuckle. So not a saint then.

Daphne nodded "A bold choice, are you really good at determinedly not thinking about things."

"I am" said Harry honestly, "The world expert in not thinking about things. I might not be able to occlude my mind for pants, but taking things and wrapping them in mental brown paper, and trying to forget about them, that's my jam."

"Sounds unhealthy" said Daphne unironically.

"Well, and getting lots of potions from Lowry at St Mungos. So many weird dreams" said Harry, nodding to himself.

"He's weird. Says there's going to be therapy, then just gives you a potion to drink and you wake up later" said Daphne.

"You've been too?" asked Harry, feeling confused.

"Tracey and I went, did at-home treatment. The war, the last year was very stressful for everyone. Lowry said that, we had ah… issues we needed to have treated." said Daphne.

"So that's how you decided to settle for not Merlin and King Arthur all in one?" asked Harry.

"I will now give you a recognition question" said Daphne "Don't use it carelessly. Tracey was obsessed with a war hero."

"Not me I hope" said Harry "Would put the date night into a ghastly light."

"Not you" said Daphne, reassuringly. She smiled, then frowned "Shame really."

"No, I'm quite happy not to have been tricked into a paid date with a girl who was disguised and stalking me" said Harry sarcasm dripping from every word.

Daphne snorted. And Harry chuckled, she wasn't that hard to make laugh.

"I should have worked it out at the dinner really" said Harry thoughtfully "You make me laugh, Tracy's more like eating horseradish."

"She's my best friend, Potter" said Daphne, firmly.

"I didn't say I don't like horseradish, I just… you're a better dancer and make me laugh." said Harry.

"I'm glad you think I'm funnier" said Daphne.

"I didn't say you were funnier" said Harry, smugly.

Daphne drew her wand and said flippantly "You're on thin ice Potter. I had a year of Dark arts training from the Carrows."

"I was an Auror for years" said Harry "You're a threat but hardly a big one."

Daphne's hair lifted slightly and her eyes glinted unnaturally.

"Oh" said Harry "Um, what I meant was… I probably shouldn't let muggle gender stereotypes change the way I interact with witches."

"Not if you ever expect to marry a witch, no" said Daphne. "And given that you live in a magical manor you can't sell and your five your olds are a little witch and a little wizard whose hair changes colour all the time… you need a witch."

"Hey" said Harry defensively "There's no need to rub my face in it. I'm sorry, but really as an ex- auror, I'm probably not at huge risk from a Hogwarts graduate. You wouldn't duel me."

"Well not a duel, but I bet I could end up on top" said Daphne with a deadpan smile.

Harry shuddered "don't do that, please" said Harry.

"I am offering to give you one chance to impress me" said Daphne. "Cast something impressive."

"Not indoors" said Harry. "Somewhere not very flammable."

"Outside?" asked Daphne.

"There's a rocky moor in Scotland I'm thinking of" said Harry "less to go wrong."

"Out the front door?" asked Daphne.

"Out the front door" agreed Harry, and they left the study, someone must have collected Delphini, and went outside. The gardens were overgrown and the lawns a bit shaggy. Muddy paths surrounded the manor and outbuildings.

Daphne looked around "Why is there no gravel on the paths?" she asked.

"There is but the mud's covered it" said Harry. "Delphini comes in brown."

"Get some more gravel, honestly" said Daphne. "Where's this moor?"

"I'll side-along you" said Harry, and held out an arm.

Daphne held onto his arm "I hate side-along apparation" she said.

Harry nodded "It's dreadful" he said, and they disapparated with a crack.

They reappeared on a crack on a windswept damp rocky crag in a moorland somewhere. The only plants are mosses, the sky leaden grey.

"This is really a desolate place" said Daphne letting go of Harry's arm, and drawing her wand. "I'm not a defenceless witch" she said and cast a fireball the size of basketball that barrelled out of her wand, expanded to beach-ball size and hit the stones and wet moss a twenty yards away with a hiss, the moss burning to ash.

"Nasty" said Harry, glad he'd done the 'de-escalating confrontations' class as an Auror, and pointed his wand at a stony patch, and from his wand shot a fire-stream of orange-reddish flames that roiled and formed vague animal shapes, goats heads, horns, and screaming sounds. The fiery mess hit the stones and with a hiss all the water was gone, and a patch the size of a swimming pool lost all its moss, the fire-storm growing, horned heads and goatlike feet visible at the edges, and the with a flick like someone reeling in a fishing rod, Harry started pulling the fire back into his wand until it was all gone and Harry's face had a sheen of sweat.

"That was fiendfyre, wasn't it" said Daphne thoughtfully.

"Yeah" said Harry "Now that's nasty."

"Well, it's cold and wet here, I'd like some tea" said Daphne, and she disapparated with a crack. Harry turned on his heel and disapparated.

They both reappeared outside Black manor, and went inside, Harry courteously casting drying charms on Daphne's clothes and shoes, then himself. And keeping his floor clean too.

Harry sat down on a couch in the study opposite Daphne and called out "Kreacher, tea"

A little while later a tea-service silently appeared.

"I have a number of recognition questions for you now" said Daphne "You're actually more than just luck and a prophecy." She sounded a tiny bit impressed.

"Also a man with two children" said Harry. "Which is why no auroring anymore."

"And the bad press?" asked Daphne, annoyingly perceptively.

"Yeah, Aunt Andromeda suggested I stop" admitted Harry, trying to sound like he hadn't been painted as the Butcher of the DMLE.

Harry poured tea, and Daphne added milk and sugar, and sipped.

"Your tea's reasonable" she said after a few sips.

"Whatever the grocer supplies" said Harry.

After Daphne and Harry had drunk tea, Daphne said "Now, Potter, not to stroke your enormous ego, but it is probably a good idea to give you one goodnight kiss from the witch you thought you were kissing. Knowing Tracey she might attempt this again."

"Attempt what?" asked Harry.

"She's got this absurd idea we'd make a good couple" said Daphne. "She might pull more stunts in polyjuice."

Harry thought about that for a little bit. There were upsides to that, but also, potential humiliation. And… he didn't want to kiss Tracey Davis.

"Of course we wouldn't" said Harry "I reserve the option to dance with you at balls to avoid politicians and old people."

"If my ego was supported by my attractiveness to men, that might hurt me, but I understand. I may need to call upon you for certain dire family events to avoid accusations that I am somehow less of a witch because I'm not married already with nine children" said Daphne.

"I owe you a few events" said Harry.

"Four" said Daphne "But I'm not going to be a walking cliché and insist on an exact repayment."

"Of course not" said Harry "You're the very face of modern reformed Slytherin house. Negotiating approximately even favour piles instead of exact numbers in galleons."

"If" said Daphne coldly, "You'd been in Slytherin house, you'd know enough about the internal workings to make jokes about it that were actually funny."

"To Slytherins" said Harry with a shrug, "As I am literally one, and you just went to Hogwarts and used a dorm, maybe I'm aiming for a different audience."

"If you ever do public speaking" said Daphne "Get Tracey to help you with your scripts. You're stilted."

Daphne stood up and went to the office door "One goodnight-style kiss so you can tell me from Tracey" said Daphne, and stood looking unmoved, and not expectant.

Harry walked over and held out his hand "You look more like a shake-hands kind of a guest" said Harry.

Daphne crossed her arms and rolled her eyes "Fine. I'll try to look like I'm hoping of a kiss goodnight."

Harry smirked, and Daphne unfolded her arms and put her hands on her hips. "Are you going to kiss me goodnight or just arse about?" she asked.

"Oh, your moves are so sexy" said Harry sarcastically "You animal you."

Daphne's hands came up, and she walked forward, and grabbed Harry by his collar and kissed him on the lips. Her lips felt like… polyjuice Daphne's lips, but the kiss was firm, confident and she was holding his collar, like a … she didn't stop the kiss, didn't press any harder, didn't slip her tongue out, just kept kissing. Harry took a breath, and with his nose practically on her face, all he could smell was Daphne's perfume; whatever it was. It smelt like boots sunscreen and something exotic mixed together, which was absurd. Just as Harry was wondering is she'd ever stop the kiss, and if the increasingly urgent messages his bits were sending his hands and mouth could be ignored for any longer, Daphne's tongue slipped into Harry's mouth, licked around and slid back, and she let go his collar, and stood smirking. Harry shuddered, the hair in the back of his neck up, and in severe pant-related discomfort.

Harry was left blinking and thinking that it had been a really long time since Ginny.

"Bloody Hell" he said, staring at her soft pink lips. Those were bloody kissable lips.

"Like I said," said Daphne "I kiss differently to Tracey."

"I" said Harry "Would hate to see what a serious snog is like, if that's goodnight kiss."

"Well" said Daphne with a small smile, "It's a goodnight kiss to keep you warm."

"As a demonstration, so I can tell you from a polyjuiced Tracey" said Harry.

"Or an assassin" said Daphne "Someone's going to think of it."

"Well, they're unlikely to kiss quite like that" said Harry, shivering.

"Not that I know what you kiss like" said Daphne "you just stood there like a statue."

Harry stepped over and kissed Daphne's lips softly for a brief moment "Like that" said Harry "Everything else is reserved for moves."

"You said there was one chase kiss and one kiss" said Daphne "That was a reference chaste kiss. Tracey knows what a serious kiss from you is like… probably not very good."

Harry leaned over, held Daphne's head like he'd done on the night, her hair unfeasibly soft under his fingers, and kissed her firmly on the lips, pressing his tongue just through his lips and giving her soft warm delicious lips a slow gentle lick, and releasing her. It didn't feel utterly reckless, and damn she was nice to kiss. Said lips looked glossy and pink and Harry felt very uncomfortable in the pants department.

"Oh" said Daphne, softly "That's how you kiss goodnight. Well, I suppose the shortness of the kiss is – "

"Anything longer than that is a snog" said Harry "Your goodnight kiss is probably technically a snog."

"Clearly Auror training helps there in classifying kisses" said Daphne, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes glinting with amusement.

"So, have you got another event you need a witch to hide behind at?" asked Daphne.

"Currently nothing" said Harry. "Next year if Hogwarts needs to raise another small fortune, we'll do another charity auction date night."

"I understand" said Daphne "I probably should try to go, I heard I had fun." she said deadpan.

"Maybe I can get Ron to be a charity date auction for something, and you could go polyjuiced as Tracey" said Harry.

Daphne Greengrass collapsed into laughter. "How" she gasped "Can you possibly suggest something so dreadful. A good friend would tell her in advance, so she can go and slake her desire to watch Weasley eat at close quarters."

"He's likely to freak out if kissed goodnight" said Harry.

"He'd get kissed by a Tracey not me" said Daphne. "Like Tracey kissed polyjuiced as me, not the way I do it."

"Right" said Harry, puzzling over that, he opened the door and stepped into the hall.

Delphini was lurking in the hallway, holding the edge of the door to the drawing room and peeking around it.

"Potter" said Daphne slowly, still inside the office, "Was that kiss more than just a demonstration. It was… quite good."

"Just a demo, Daphne" said Harry. "Your money after all, and Tracey took the kiss under false pretences."

"You can't kiss me like that and then say it was all just a fundraising thing" said Daphne.

"I just did" said Harry blandly, and smiled.

"Are you going to evade everything by being sarcastic?" asked Daphne crossly.

"Is that a trick question?" asked Harry sarcastically.

"Delphini, please cover your eyes" asked Daphne.

Delphini put her hands over her face and Daphne made a rude single finger gesture to Harry.

Harry smiled "Well, you know where the fireplace is" he said.

Delphini uncovered her eyes asked "Father, what's kissing?"

"You will find out when you're a grownup" said Harry "Hopefully not before." he said more quietly.

Daphne exhaled indignantly "Surely she sees some normal couples" she said over Delphini's head.

"Hmm. No" said Harry bluntly. "Sarah's a widow, I'm single and Andromeda's a widow. The only couple's that have visited lately were your sister and her … husband. And nobody wants to see that."

"Surely your friends, Granger and Weasley?" asked Daphne.

"I like not seeing that, and they respect my choices" said Harry. "It's rather revolting."

"Is kissing revolting?" asked Delphini.

"No it's not, watch" said Daphne, and stepped over to Harry, and kissed him on the lips, his arms ineffectively pressing against her shoulders. The kiss dragged on and on and Harry was acutely reminded once again, that it had been a long dry few years, Daphne's weight shifted somehow, and her lips rotated gently against his, then pulled back. Harry's hands and arms realised they were holding a woman, and he gently pushed her back to a safer distance.

"Like kisses goodnight but longer" said Delphini. "And Daffy lifted one foot off the ground."

Daphne smiled "Quite" she said, and smiled down at Delphini "Have a nice day, Delphini" she said, and strode over to the fireplace, threw in some floo powder and left in a green flare for Greengrass.

'Had she just swaggered?' wondered Harry. There'd been some hip roll there. His pants-related discomfort increased.

"Are you going to marry Daffy?" asked Delphini.

"No" said Harry.

"So just kissing and dancing?" asked Delphini "Why can't I have a mummy?"

Harry opened his mouth to say something and had nothing come to mind except a "I'll find someone one day" that even Harry found unconvincing.

"Promise?" asked Delphini.

"Look Delphini, I can't promise that" said Harry sighing "It's complicated."

"Why?" asked Delphini.

"Look, I'd have to find a witch who liked me" said Harry.

"Daffy" said Delphini.

"Who I liked, a lot" said Harry.

"Sarah says the Prophet says you like Daffy" said Delphini.

"I danced with Daphne to raise money for Hogwarts." said Harry. Practically true-ish.

"What's a Hogwart?" asked Delphini "Are they dangerous?"

Harry explained that it was a place, not a creature. A school for big children.

"Can I go there?" asked Delphini.

"In six years" said Harry.

"Six years?" asked Delphini incredulously "That's a long time!"

"You'll be bigger, about Fiona sized" said Harry "Which helps with the high doorknobs."

Delphini frowned "Silly daddy!" she said, swinging on the doorhandles of the open drawing room door.

Harry blinked at Delphini. She'd just called him daddy. That… was a first.

"Come on, let's read a book" said Harry, and went to the library with Delphini.

As Harry put his daughter to bed and cleaned his own teeth, he wondered what Greengrass had done when she'd left his house., Probably gone to talk to Tracey, who she'd probably tied up and was torturing with a feather. Harry blinked. Auror office banter wasn't a good thing to internalise, he mused, and got his head down.

That night Harry had disturbing dream with kissing of the real Daphne Greengrass, and a tango with a partner who… was a much better dancer. The memory of thighs around his thigh was making him frantic and Harry woke up suddenly, and had to clean his pyjamas.

Harry stared at himself in his bathroom mirror. He wasn't going mad, and while embarrassing, he also wasn't seeing Daphne Greengrass, they'd just agreed to be each others' dates if she needed, for example to turn up with a date to something. And he could rely on her to turn up to political galas and be his escape route to avoid Dawlish, or Kingsley, or more importantly, Bole Smith. It could be worse, he supposed. Bole, who must be a hundred, might die, and he could hypothetically end up in long meetings with Zach Smith. Neville could bloody sit next to Zach. They'd grown up in the same social circles after all.

The next day Ron dropped by and Harry took him to the games room for a chat.

"So you and Greengrass then?" asked Ron, super-tactfully.

"Er not actually" said Harry. "This is pretty complicated and – I just don't talk about it."

"Hmm" said Ron "It's just for fundraising for Hogwarts, like Hermione said about dancing with bloody Viktor Krum."

"Like that but with less of you feeling insecure" said Harry, sighing and getting two butterbeers off the shelf and handing Ron one.

"So, not you and Greengrass then" said Ron after a sip.

"It wasn't Greengrass" said Harry "Her mate Tracey Davis using polyjuice."

"What!" Ron spat butterbeeer into the air. It made a fine spray that slowly floated down.

"Tracey apparently thinks that Daphne needed to try a date with a bloke that vaguely met her slightly too-high standards and went to get a date with Evan Slytherin" explained Harry.

"Polyjuice I get, but the money?" said Ron.

"Davis swiped Daphne's run-away during the war cache of gems apparently" said Harry "And she's rich enough to be not bothered about it, of course."

"The Dress?" asked Ron. "Looked like a wedding dress in the photos."

Harry sucked on the butterbeer bottle "Apparently Mum Greengrass bought her the wedding dress she wanted, when she turned seventeen."

"Where was Greengrass while Davis was impersonating her?" asked Ron.

"Tied up in her dressing room apparently" said Harry "Greengrass came to visit, and had a sense of humour about it. She's still prepared to help me avoid the Kingsleys, Dawlishes and old farts."

"So, you didn't actually tango with Greengrasss ,but you did with Davis. She fancy you too?" asked Ron "The page three photo hooked really hot."

Harry blushed "Apparently not" said Harry.

"Some bird, even polyjuiced danced with me like that and I'd have to take her in for questioning," said Ron. "If you know what I mean."

"Davis fancies someone else" said Harry.

Ron blinked and nodded conspiratorially. "Sure." he said.

"Greengrass apparently draws a line and would not Tango with a bloke that wasn't coming back to be questioned" said Harry with a wry smile.

"So she does fancy you?" asked Ron. "It's just you need to get out of the house, kiss someone. My sister hasn't turned you gay or anything has she?"

"I don't think it works like that" said Harry. "And you should totally be an auction date for fundraising."

"Nobody'd want to rent a date with me" said Ron. "And Hermione went on about how I should have gone and raised money for Hogwarts. Then I said how given that I would have been glaring at Viktor all night, it wouldn't have looked good."

"You and Hermione are all right though?" asked Harry.

Ron looked mulish "It's kind of none of your business" said Ron.

"You had an argument" said Harry "And aren't talking to one another."

"She's at her mothers" said Ron.

Harry mentally sighed. Ron would be set off if he let it out.

Harry put the butterbeer bottle down and gingerly wrapped and arm around Ron's shoulders, in a sort of hug. People did that, Harry had seen it. It felt a bit awkward. Ron slumped a bit.

"Will it blow over?" asked Harry 'Like the other nine million arguments you two have had in the time I've known you.' Harry thought to himself.

"Probably" said Ron "She did say I was an unambitious goofoff."

"Auror unambitious goofoff" said Harry, still not letting Ron go.

"About that" said Ron "I'm a bit sick of it, all the Death eaters are gone, and helping George at the shop, well it's more fun and nobody tries to kill me."

"You outlasted me" said Harry "Do what suits you."

"That" said Ron slowly, eyeing his empty butterbeer bottle "Is what annoys Hermione. She wants me to be head Auror or something."

"Well –" said Harry, wondering what you said at times like this. "Please be safe" said Harry's mouth.

Ron, pulled away from Harry's half hug "Mate" said Ron "Are you sure you haven't decided to be gay?"

"I've lost a lot of friends, Ron" said Harry, "If the Auror office can survive without us, then go make – " Harry wanted to say 'sure George doesn't top himself' but decided to say "Fireworks" instead. "I'm going back to selling fireworks and setting off exhibits once Delphini and Teddy need more time for lessons," Harry added.

"You're her dad, aren't you?" asked Ron.

Harry nodded, wanting to say proudly that Delphini had called him daddy, but not sure what the etiquette for that was.

"What's on your mind?" asked Ron. "You look like you've got a date to Hogsmeade or something."

"Delphini called me daddy not father" said Harry, and Ron rolled his eyes

"That little bugger" said Ron "She's got you wrapped right around her finger."

"I'm her dad" said Harry, feeling proud of that "I might have brought her home out of duty and caring for orphans, but – "

"Everyone knows you're a good dad" said Ron "Spoil her a bit, but she's what, the heiress Slytherin? She'll have to be a bit spoilt to hold her head up at Hogwarts. Will she be Slytherin house or Gryffindor?"

"Ravenclaw" said Harry "Why is her favourite question."

"What's she going to be called at Hogwarts?" asked Ron "and isn't being Slytherin's going to make it awkward in Ravenclaw?"

"She can just tell the hat what she wants" said Harry.

Ron raised an eyebrow and pantomimed taking out his note-pad "Now, Mister Slytherin, can you tell me about the events of your sorting on the first of September, nineteen-ninety-one."

"The hat said I could be great in Slytherin, but I wanted away from Malfoy, so I said 'anywhere but Slytherin'" admitted Harry.

"I'm still disgusted that he's my cousin" said Ron.

"He's my cousin too" said Harry "by adoption. Thought, I'm related to the Longbottoms and so are you, so I'm related to Malfoy through Neville too."

"Prick" said Ron.

"How are the Longbottoms settling in at Longbottom hall?" asked Harry.

Ron shook his head "He and Hannah bought the Leaky from old Tom. They live there."

"The Leaky cauldron?" asked Harry "But…"

"It's cleaner, and apparently, according to the hit-wizards, Hannah Longbottom likes stopping bar brawls. Course if Neville's there, nobody dares fight, specially since you dobbed him in as an heir of Gryffindor. There's a sword over the bar now."

"Big silvery job, hens-egg rubies, we used it in the war?" asked Harry, in a low-key way.

"Nah, that's at Hogwarts" said Ron "It's a goblin cleaver the Longbottoms have had for centuries. Apparently one of Nevilles ancestors was found standing holding it on a pile of goblins at the end of one of the wars. They used to use berserker potions, apparently" said Ron casually "And the idea of a berserk Neville with a bloody sword is a bit worrying really," he added less casually.

"Do the Goblins want it back?" asked Harry, ignoring that mental image, "You know how they are."

"They come to look at it and drink, and pay far too much to Hannah and leave" said Ron "Seems like a goblins school trip. Go see the sword of someone, in the hands of the insanely violent Longbottoms."

"And no trouble through the goblin affairs office?" asked Harry cautiously.

"Word from the DRCMC is that the goblins appreciate it. They'd like the sword of Gryffindor to be displayed somewhere they could see it too."

"For school trips" said Harry, imagining a glass display case and a few mangled cups and lockets.

Ron narrowed his eyes "No Harry, it gives away too many of the details," Ron once again looking three moves ahead.

"It's just… it would be a good exhibit at Hogwarts and then goblin schools or whatever they did could come for a day trip, and I dunno, play quidditch or something" said Harry.

"Little Goblins on a school trip to Hogwarts?" asked Ron "Sounds mental."

"Muggle schools do it" said Harry defensively "And maybe if goblins and humans talked to each other a bit at school things, had a few lunches, people on both sides might get on better."

"Hermione says you're thinking about being the defence teacher" said Ron.

"No" said Harry "the curse is broken, and the current teacher's stayed two years."

"So History then, even Percy says you're the biggest history swot ever" said Ron.

Harry snagged another butterbeer "Not really, I just wrote down what happened in the second blood war when they had a question about Voldemort."

"Oh" said Ron "So not Professor Slytherin teaching history then?"

"Binns is… he's not leaving" said Harry "And apart from Voldemort I don't know much history."

"You could learn it though, teach kids, not put them to sleep." said Ron "The pay's all right, and you aren't going to die in a Hogwarts adventure, are you?"

"Did Hermione put you up to asking?" asked Harry "Cause it sounds like one of her ideas?"

"She may have mentioned it a few times, yes" said Ron defensively "If you did, I'd have like a Hermione present for her. Harry doing something really useful."

"Ron" said Harry "I love you like a brother, and Hermione too. But… I have to look after Delphini and Teddy. They're my priority, not Hogwarts, not the ministry, not anything, and certainly not getting dates."

"That's what I said" said Ron "apart from the lovey bit, obviously."

"This weekend, we can have an adventure, the three of us?" asked Harry. "Like old times but with less getting hurt?"

Ron nodded "Sounds like an idea" he said.

-==0==-

Harry was looking for Delphini, who wasn't in her room, in the nearest drawing room, or the kitchen, or the library. He's just double-checked the drawing room, where Sunyn was sleeping by the firew, when he heard voices.

A woman's voice "So, dear, that's why you must always keep your face clean. Even around home."

"Otherwise you're no better than a muggle" rumbled a man.

"Okay" said Delphini, sounding amused.

Harry dashed down the hallway and took the corner at a run. There in the long galler, stood Delphini, standing at the portrait of Arcturus and Melania, talking to the long-dead pureblood supremacists.

Harry ran up and scooped Delphini into his arms, his lower back gave a momentary flare of pain at that "Delphini" he said, back to the painting "I was looking everywhere for you."

"Potter" said Melania form behind Harry "So rude of you not to introduce Delphini, an Actual Black to us. She's our…. Great-great-great-great niece. Or Great-great-great-granddaughter."

Harry turned, holding Delphini, and the two Blacks were as positioned as usual, Arcturus sitting, Melania standing by his side.

"That wasn't an accident. Delphini's not being brought up with all the blood purity rot. Muggleborns, purebloods, they're all the same." said Harry.

"You vile little cuckoo" said Melania. "Stealing our … descendants heritage. Her pride in her family."

Arcturus lifted his painted chin and looked dismissively at Harry.

"Right" said Harry "This painting's going in the vault."

"They're nice" said Delphini. "They don't yell like great grandma Walburga."

"I fear that painting's true to life" said Arcturus levelly "Without Orion to moderate her she was a pest."

"And yet you approved their marriage" said Melania chidingly.

"Orion insisted." said Arcturus. "What he saw in Walburga, well, at least she was a Black."

"You spoilt that boy" said Melania.

"At least he wasn't Lucretia!" said Arcturus. "She lived to annoy me."

Melania smiled politely at Harry. "Don't put us in some dark vault. From what I can tell there's only us and Phineas Nigellus. Well, and Walburga. Where is her painting?"

"In a padded cupboard at the end of the gallery" said Harry. "You could go in there, facing her."

"Don't you dare, boy" said Arcturus.

"Or what?" asked Harry.

"Daddy, I like Grandma Melana" said Delphini.

"Delphini, go to the drawing room and wait for me please?" said Harry.

"He's going to destroy our painting Delphini" said Melania "Don't let him do it."

Delphin squirmed in Harry' arms "Daddy no breaking the painting. Promise me you won't?" Her big eyes looked at Harry.

"I promise" said Harry, "I have to talk about some adult things, and some of them I don't want to talk to you about till you're older, okay?"

"Okay" said Delphini "But you promised not to break the painting." Harry nodded, and let Delphini trot off around the corner.

He turned to the painted figures of Arcturus and Melania.

"There's no difference between muggle-born and purebloods. Muggle-born are jsut the offspring of squibs, magic breeds true sometimes." said Harry.

"You would say that as a half-blood" said Arcturus.

"$Stop$"Harry hissed "And my mother was the offspring of Slytherin squibs, and eventually they interbred with other squibs, and my mother was born, heiress apparent of Slytherin. Her head of the family, Tom Riddle, a gaunt Bastard, killed her."

"Dramatic" said Arcturus.

"Even if what you say is true, we're still far superior to muggles" said Melania.

"Who are all squibs to some degree or other" said Harry "We're all people, all the same. Pureblood families inbreed to the point of having squibs."

"Our family rarely have squibs" said Arcturus.

"Because of the breeding with high elves" said Harry "Not even humans. Humanoid monsters form the other place."

"It granted our family power that other families did not have" said Arcturus. "Power you don't have, even if you hiss like a kettle."

"KREACHER!" called Harry.

Kreahcer appeared with a pop.

"Bring Sunny no" said Harry.

"Master wants poor Kreahcer to bring masters snake?" asked Kreahcer.

"That was an order, Kreacher" said Harry.

"Kreacher" said Arcturus "Listen to me. This … boy is threatening to lock our painting away, to prevent us from raising Delphini. You must prevent this, with every fiber of your being."

"Kreacher will being the snake" said Kreacher, and vanished with a pop.

"The gall of that elf" snapped Arcturus.

"He was never so disobedient when we were alive" said Melania.

"Oh he listened to Walburga's painting for years" said Harry. "Took a lot to wean him off that."

Kreahcer reappeared with a pop, Sunny wrapped around him like a rope around a bollard.

"Sunny, up" said Harry.

Sunny slithered off Kreacher, up Harry's arm and onto his shoulders, where she eyed the painting, tongue flicking in and out.

Harry stared at Arcturus till the painted figure visibly huffed. "This is Sunny" said Harry. "Current snake of the Slytherin family. That would be me and Delphini. Her father , Voldemort, Tom Riddle was my distant uncle though my mother, and distant cousin from my father's side."

Harry looked at Sunny, leaned down and kissed her scaly head, and Sunny turned to Harry.

"$Speaker?$" hissed Sunny.

"Sunny, you're a good snake, aren't you?" said Harry.

Sunny nodded. "$Mousie?$" Sunny asked. Harry chicked her chin "You had a mousie on tuesady. You're still digesting."

"$I could eat another.$"

"The picture is of distant sires of Delphini's" said Harry.

"$Different markings$" hissed Sunny. "$The thin one is golden like the Sarah.$"

"The bigger one would teach Delphini to hunt the wrong kind of prey" said Harry.

Sunny turned her head to face the painting and lunged at Arcturus, stopping less than a hairs-breath form the painting, and hissing wordlessly."

Harry stared over at Melania "I told Sunny about pureblood Dogma. She's not impressed."

"You really are a parselmouth" said Melania "A dark wizard."

Sunny curled aroudn Harry's neck twice, and rested.

"Slytherin by blood" said Harry, shaking his head "We're just different."

"Phineas wouldn't take this sort of nonsense from you!" said Melania. "Let us speak with him"

Harry snorted, and picked the painting up off the hook on the wall, and carried it down the hall to opposite Phineas Nigellus… and left them there. Maybe talking to someone who'd seen the last few decades might help. The old Grump was at Hogwarts, where there'd be some conversation.

"Well, go get Phineus" said Arcturus.

"He spends most of his time at Hogwarts, chatting with the other headmasters" said Harry.

"Well, knock on his frame you little twit" said Arcturus. Harry knocked on Phneius's frmae ,and waited. The dark-robed old coot appeared in the frame though a painted arch.

"Harry Potter-Black. What's that behind you? Arcturus and Melania?" said Phineas.

"The painting from the chateau in france" said Harry. "They think I'm some sort of imposter."

"Well he's no Black by blood" said Phineas "But is the Dumbledore of the age. Oh yes, that fashion disaster's dead."

"So the Dark lord Voldemort killed Dumbledore." said Arcturus.

"One of his minions, who was a spy for Dumbledore. One of my successors, Severus Snape. A noxious half-blood, but prepared to do anything to defeat Tom Riddle. Even kill Dumbledore for him."

"That makes no sense. Defeating .. Riddle by killing Dumbledore?" asked Melania. Harry felt she sounded confused.

Harry inhaled and tried to explain. "Dumbledore was dying from a curse. Tom Riddle wanted him dead, and had a given the mission to a student Death Eater. He didn't manage it, but Snape covered for him, killing Dumbledore. That made Tom sure he could trust Snape. Which as Snape was still working for Dumbledore, put a perfectly trusted spy in his midst. He almost survived the war, but before he died, gave me vital information. Then I killed my Uncle Tom."

Arcturus and Melania kept looking at Harry, then Phineas.

"He's quite good at summarising it. Snape also protected Hogwarts from Voldemort's minions for a whole year." said Phineas Nigellus. "At the time he took my title as most hated headmaster."

"Thats… convoluted" said Arcturus.

"How I killed Tom is even more convoluted" said Harry "Can't explain, because you could tell people how he achieved practical immortality."

"Immortalility is defined as not being able to die" said Melania. Harry suspected she was more a pretty face than particularly brilliant.

"It was a magical means, which I broke before I fought him. Well, the last time" said Harry. "I fought Tom… well I've lost count how many times." He smiled toothlessly.

"I still haven't seen a recording of the battle" complained Phineas. "People mention your last duel in hushed tones, but they don't narrate it."

"My disarming charm collided with his killing curse " quipped Harry "Which is pretty unusual."

"That sounds impossible" said Arcturus. "How is it done?"

Harry shrugged "I can't tell you what I know."

"He's saying this to ties us in a web of confusion" said Melania.

"Welcome to my life" said Harry. "Now, Delphini is going to be raised to ignore 'blood purity' and associate with blood traitors, and do muggle things. She's my daughter, and you three are just paint and charms."

"Exceedingly complex charms, and extracted memories" said Phineas Nigellus.

"So while you think you're people, you're just copies" said Harry. "Now, who want to get stored in my Gringotts vault?"

"Surely you lost that by stealing from the goblins" said Phineas Nigellus cagily.

"My Slytherin vault" said Harry. "Number four three two."

"He's being condescending Arcturus, do something abut it!" said Melania.

Arcturus crossed his arms "We'll be quiet about blood purity" he said "In return for seeing life. I can't stand another decade of nothing, and not even Louis the caretaker dusting us."

"Arcturus!" said Melania.

"Melania, he will put us in a dark vault for decades. We have no leverage, we must fold." said Arcturus.

Harry smiled "So glad you could see things my way." he said. He left them where they could talk to Phineas, and went to find Delphini.

Delphin was in the drawing room lying on her stomahc on the floor, playing snap (non-exploding) with Sunny. Sunny was using their mouth to move cards.

"How did you teach sunny to play Snap?" asked Harry.

"Watching Teddy and I" said Delphini "And I put egg on the right cards to start with."

"Is Sunny any good?" asked Harry.

"Better than that stupid patience game" said Delphini.

-==0==-

The weekend came, and Delphini got to play snap with Teddy while Andromeda supervised.

Harry took Hermione and Ron's hands and side-along apparated them to the coordinates for the place Bole Smiths' map said Slytherin's home was. The nearby village according to the apparation atlas was Kettleshulme, and Harry was looking forward to that.

"Picturesque, isn't it" said Hermione. "What's it called?"

"Kettleshulme" said Harry blandly.

"This place being Kettleshulme is probably Hermione doing divination by sarcastic remark" said Harry, and Hermione grimaced "I am NOT!" she said.

"Sounds like it" said Ron cheerily.

Harry got out the map and read the words written on it aloud "ego veni visitare magnanime magus sepens."

A short stone keep faded into view in the centre of the small stone circle.

"I'm visiting, great snake wizard, Salazar Slytherin was an egotist" said Hermione. "Will that work for me?"

"Only for someone with the blood of the founders. So, given it's been ages, I'd expect practically everyone." said Harry.

"Godric Griffindor does supposedly have as many descendants at that kind, charles mainge?" said Ron.

"Charlemaigne." said Hermione with a sigh.

Harry walked closer to the stone keep, through the stone circle that the keep stood in the middle of, which tingled.

"Uh guys. The stone circle tingles" said Harry offhandedly.

Ron stepped in "Nah, Harry, just your imagination." he said. "Harry, it looks like it needs a bit of work."

Harry stared at the walls, free of trees, but with large cracks.

Hermione got closer and looked at the studded wooden door, which was up a narrow stone stair, a story off the ground. "It's quite… old-fashioned" she said finally.

Ron went and looked at the side of the steps "Well, the steps look okay" he said cheerfully. "Go on, Lets try the door."

Harry climbed the stairs and gingerly touched the rusty iron ring on the metal studded door, made of some greying wood. The iron ring tingled. Harry turned the ring and pushed. The door opened a little then jammed.

"Uh Ron, give me a hand?" asked Harry.

"Be careful you two, there's no handrails" said Hermione anxiously, casting some charms to the left and right of the stairs.

Ron and Harry grunted and pushed, and the door juddered open, revealing a dark interior, the only light coming from arrow-slits.

Harry lit his wand and poked it in. The room had a stone floor, stone walls and an arched stone roof with some sort of whitish deposit dripping down the arches. Around the room were ancient looking flat-topped wooden trunks carved from dark wood. At the back of the room, a spiral stone staircase wound up and down. The room smelt faintly of rot.

"Looks safe enough" said Harry, and he stepped in, as Harry's foot touched the floor of the castle he fell to the ground unconscious.

-==0==-

Harry woke up some time later in a hospital bed, with Ron and Hermione sitting on chairs pulled up close to the bed.

"What happened?" asked Harry. "Were we attacked?"

"Uh" said Hermione "You stepped in and collapsed. Ron went in and carried you out, and we ah, took you to here, St Mungos" said Hermione. "This was exactly like one of our Hogwarts adventures," she added. Judgementally.

"Hey" said Ron "I didn't get injured at all. And neither did you."

"The healer says you were almost completely drained of magic." said Hermione "My working hypothesis is that Slytherins' castle re-charges its magical systems when a member of the family steps onto the floor. It's had been nine hundred years, and the..."

"Battery was flat" said Harry "I need to get home to Delphini and Teddy."

"I floo-called Andromeda Tonks" said Hermione. "She's telling Delphini that you're hurt from playing and will be home tomorrow."

"I'm not sure I like that, can't I go home now?" asked Harry.

"Harry, you had a really nasty case of magical exhaustion." said Ron "Hermione had to harangue the healers for an hour to get them to let you out tomorrow."

"But… I have to read Delphini her bedtime story" said Harry. Ron's lips twitched.

"Should we get you some cardigans, do you think?" asked Hermione, not quite hiding a smirk.

"Fine" said Harry crossly "Make fun of me. I have responsibilities!"

"We have jobs" said Ron sarcastically, "But I got you the Prophet, so you'd have something to read."

Ron handed Harry a still folded Daily prophet, and Harry unfolded it. The headline read 'Hogwarts graduate discovers sixth exception to Gamp's law's.' Something about the headline seemed wrong.

Under that there was a photograph of a thin man in his twenties with protuberant teeth and a narrow face in a brown dress robe looking like a smug rabbit.

Below the picture the caption 'Theodore Nott, recipient of the Morgana award for advances in theoretical magic, at his estate in Upper Twittington, Staffordshire.'

Harry wondered if he'd accidentally fallen into a parallel universe where everything was awful, and rabbit-faced Slytherin gits got awards.

"Hermione, have you seen the paper?" Harry asked.

"No, we um, brought it to give to you" said Hermione. Harry turned the paper around. "Theo Nott's won a Morgana award for finding an extension to Gamps laws."

Hermione's eyes bored into the paper, and she snatched it from Harry and read the article at frightening speed, her lips moving.

"This article is useless, it doesn't even explain what he did" said Hermione bare movements later.

"Who really cares, he's a git" said Ron "Can I have the quidditch section?"

"To think that we went to Hogwarts with someone who changed magical theory forever" said Hermione. "The textbook will have to be revised."

"Which one?" asked Harry, hoping to be entertained.

"Waffling's magical theory of course" said Hermione. "It was a first year text."

"Nobody reads that one" said Ron offhandedly. "There's no homework for it."

Harry felt a moments' guilt at not having read the textbook either. Hmmm maybe he could read it to Teddy and Delphini. It'd be educational.

"Hermione, we've made the textbooks have to be revised." said Ron "Hogwarts, a History for one, with the Chamber of secrets and Room of requirements."

"Which was destroyed" said Harry, feeling tired all of a sudden. Remembering his school years tended to do that.

"And the quidditch stats, youngest seeker in a century" added Ron. "And all the stuff about the war."

"Hermione" asked Harry, "are the Smith's in Hogwarts, a history as being the descendants of Helga Hufflepuff?"

"No Harry, and that's actually an egregious omission" said Hermione. "Neville needs to be in there too for being the nearest descendant of Godric Gryffindor."

"Harry" said Ron looking thoughtful "You pulled the sword of Gryffindor out first, didn't you?"

"Neville's older" said Harry.

"By one day, Harry" said Hermione, frowning, her eyebrows crashing together like bludgers "Harry, did you dob in Neville." she asked.

"You and Neville are related too" said Ron "Longbottoms and Potters. Harry, is Neville really the most direct descendant of Godric Gryffindor?"

Harry smiled "As far as anybody knows" he said.

Hermione crossed her arms "Harry Potter, you little sneak."

"He really is as sneaky as a Slytherin, isn't he" said Ron.

"Ron, I technically am the Slytherin, that's just a house at Hogwarts named after a founder" said Harry, with a twitching smile.

"You know" said Hermione "Theodore Nott should get some sort of formal thing at Hogwarts. He could give lecture on his discovery. Encourage students to pay attention, perhaps read the textbooks."

"Be a swotty little git" said Ron quietly "He spent all of sixth year potions laughing at Malfoys jokes."

"I feel like such a failure" said Hermione with a sigh. "I haven't advanced magical theory at all"

"Order of Merlin, first class for defeating a dark lord" said Harry "remember that."