Takes a deep breath.
Okay, you guys are about to hate me. This one (and the next) hurt real bad, and I apologize in advance. In the meantime, please hold on to that eventual happy ending that I always promise, alright? (Also, don't blame me because I definitely warned you! ;)
Once again, the cheesiest cheeeeesy gave these chapters a look-over because niceness flows from her like 10,000 pounds of melted cheese!
This chapter starts off directly after the last chapter, and will be entirely in Hermione's POV. The chapter after this one will be the same day but entirely in Ron's POV and will have no A/N (If this gets me in trouble with BGP, so be it. I choose to live dangerously)
I'll just go and hide in the corner now.
oOo
After folding and replacing the map carefully back into Harry's trunk, Hermione stood up, her chest aching as she fought the urge to burst into tears. She knew she shouldn't jump to conclusions about Ron being with Lavender, but how could she not after what she'd just seen? Proof was proof, and as Remus Lupin had once told Harry, the map never lied.
Making her way out of the boys' dormitory, she headed back towards the Great Hall, intentionally taking her time so she'd have a moment to think. In a world full of uncertainty and looming war, a future with Ron Weasley was the one thing Hermione had clung onto. Until now, she'd been so full of hope that they would be with each other the way she'd always wanted, but if Ron was still sneaking around with Lavender, there was no way he felt the same. No matter how many signs he'd been giving Hermione as of late.
Stopping by the girl's bathroom to smooth out her hair, she vanished the tear tracks from her face and diminished the redness of her eyes. She still looked awful, but at least she appeared a little better than she had before. Leaving the bathroom, Hermione kept walking to her destination, a sense of dread filling her chest.
How was she going to be able to look at Ron now that she knew he was with- or at least being physical with- Lavender again? All the progress they'd made, all of the signs that had pointed to them becoming more than just friends- it must have all been in her head.
Hermione wanted to find Ron, demand answers, and scream at him until she'd exhausted herself, but she knew she had no right to do so. She held no claim to him. And even if she did, Ron was free to make his own choices, and clearly she wasn't one of them.
She was almost to the Great Hall when she saw Ron and Harry walking in her direction, a look of relief on Ron's face as he spotted her. Hermione averted her eyes, her heart clenching at the sight of him. She wondered when he'd separated from Lavender, but then pushed the thought out of her head, knowing she had to try and act like she didn't know. Turning her gaze to Harry, she forced herself to focus on him rather than on Ron. Harry still looked dreadful, and the sight of him furthered the unease she was feeling.
"Harry," she breathed once they'd reached each other. "Did you eat?"
"Yeah," Harry replied, but Hermione didn't believe him for a minute.
She forced out a smile. "Alright. Ready for class?"
Harry let out a loud, defeated sigh. "I guess."
Still not acknowledging Ron, Hermione took Harry's hand and turned around, heading towards Slughorn's class. After a few seconds, though, Ron fell into step beside her.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his concern for her evident.
Anger flared up in Hermione's chest. He'd been snogging Lavender not fifteen minutes before, and now he had the nerve to act like he cared about her? Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she answered him in a clipped tone. "Fine."
Ron sighed, but said nothing more.
As soon as they made it to Slughorn's classroom, the professor told the students to partner up. Ron looked to her first, but Hermione nudged Harry towards him, not giving Ron a moment to protest. Spotting Neville across the room, she made her way over to him, walking fast to get away from Ron's inquisitive stare.
Neville seemed grateful and started small talk with her as he grabbed his potions book from his bag. Hermione smiled and nodded as he spoke, but in reality she wasn't even paying attention to what he was saying. She looked up to see Ron still staring at her, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, and she turned her head away.
Grabbing the potion ingredients, she and Neville started on their task of making a fire protection potion while he chatted happily beside her. As she was crushing the wartcap powder, however, Hermione was startled as Harry's loud voice rang out, echoing through the room as the class went silent.
"You're not fucking listening!"
When Hermione's head snapped up, Harry was glaring daggers at Ron, and Ron looked utterly terrified as he took a few steps back from the smaller boy.
"Harry?" Professor Slughorn asked, concern etched in his features. "Is everything alright?"
Knowing she needed to act fast, Hermione stopped what she was doing and ran towards Harry, stepping between him and Ron. "It's fine, Professor," she called out in a shaky voice as she stared at her enraged friend. "Harry just needs to go to the hospital wing for a minute. I'll escort him there."
Slughorn looked anxious. "Is he hurt?"
Hermione gave a smile to placate the professor. "He'll be fine after he sees Madame Pomfrey."
"I…alright," Slughorn relented, now looking confused.
Hermione ushered Harry towards the classroom door, when Ron started to follow.
"Weebly, there is no need for you to go, too. I am sure Miss Granger can manage Mr Potter on her own," Slughorn called out, and Hermione gave the man an internal thanks.
Ron looked livid, but before he could argue with the professor, Hermione shot him a warning look, causing him to stop in his tracks. His jaw clenched as he watched her lead Harry away. She told herself that she was keeping Ron away from Harry for Harry's benefit, but she knew that was only partially true.
As soon as she and Harry made it out of the classroom and the door shut behind them, Hermione rounded on him.
"What on earth was that about, Harry?"
"I'm tired of neither of you taking me seriously, Hermione!" Harry hissed, obviously still agitated. "Ron thinks everything is sunshine and fucking rainbows, but that's not true!"
Taking out her wand and sending a silencing spell towards the classroom door, Hermione sighed and crossed her arms. "I doubt that, Harry."
"I just wanted to tell him that-" Harry stopped talking, his hands now fidgeting nervously in front of him.
"Tell him what?" Hermione pressed, making sure to speak softly so as to not make him regret opening up to her.
He sighed. "That he means a lot to me. You do too, Hermione." Hermione held her breath as he went on, knowing she would have to tread lightly when it was her turn to speak. "The chances of me making it out of this thing alive are…" Harry trailed off, now looking pained. "I just need you both to know what you mean to me, that's all."
"We know," she whispered, reaching out to take his hand in hers. "You mean a lot to us as well, Harry." She gulped, trying to keep her tears at bay. "And I also know there's something you're not telling us."
Harry shook his head at first, but after a moment, he relented and gave her a small nod. "Don't even bother to ask, though, Hermione. I can't tell you." Hermione flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him close. Harry was stiff, but she didn't care, and only pulled him tighter, somehow knowing that he needed it. It took a few long seconds, but Hermione then felt Harry's body relax, his arms wrapping around her as he returned her hug.
"I'm so worried, Harry," she cried, her face buried in his shoulder.
Harry didn't answer, but pulled her closer as if he were desperately seeking comfort for himself. They stood there like that for a while, neither of them saying anything. Harry had just stepped away from her when the door was flung open and Ron barreled through, his eyes widening in surprise to see them standing there.
"I- erm- I got your stuff," he said, holding up Hermione and Harry's bags in each hand, his own slung carelessly over his shoulder.
"Sorry, mate," Harry whispered, his eyes on the floor. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."
Ron shrugged. "It's fine."
"I think you ought to rest now, Harry," Hermione said, trying not to sound too demanding.
Harry nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right. I'll go on up to my bed." Without another word, he turned around and walked away.
Hermione reached out and took her and Harry's bags from Ron. "I'm going to walk him up and stay with him," she told Ron in a voice that left no room for argument. "Please go to the rest of our classes so you can tell us later what we missed."
Ron's mouth opened and closed several times, clearly taken aback. "Why are you skipping class too?" he asked.
"I need to make sure he actually sleeps," Hermione explained. "I can sit in a chair by his bed and read or something. You know how Harry is, and if he has a nightmare…" she trailed off.
Ron's face softened. "Let me come too," he said in a quiet voice, his eyes pleading. "I'm just as worried as you are, Hermione."
Hermione shook her head. She was still not ready to be alone with him yet, and if she was, she knew she might start firing questions at him- questions she felt she had no right to ask. "We need you to tell us what happens in class, Ron. I'll take care of Harry. Please, do this for me."
He looked as if he wanted to argue, but he sighed before giving her a nod. "Okay. You'll know where I'll be if you need me, I guess," he grumbled.
By the time Hermione made it to Harry's room, he was already asleep in his bed. Conjuring a chair, she dug around in her bag until she found the book she was currently reading, and she settled down, tucking her legs underneath her. She read for hours and was so lost in another world that her whole body jolted in surprise when she heard somebody whispering her name near her ear.
"Sorry," Ron said, a sheepish grin on his face. "Didn't mean to scare you."
Hermione closed her book and sat up, her eyes going to Harry to find he was still sound asleep.
"It's dinnertime," Ron whispered as he pulled up another chair and set it next to hers. "I talked to the house-elves, though, and they're going to send our plates up here."
"You better have asked them nicely, or Hermione will have your head," Harry's groggy voice piped up.
Ron chuckled. "Of course I did. You think I want to deal with the wrath of Hermione Granger?" he joked.
Hermione felt herself blushing, and she huffed but said nothing.
A moment later, a tray with three full plates and cups appeared on the foot of Harry's bed, and Ron whooped in delight.
"Fucking starving," he explained as he leaned forward and took a plate.
"Language, Ronald," Hermione admonished, knowing full well that her scolding would do nothing to change Ron's sailor-mouth.
The three of them ate dinner together, and for the first time in what felt like a long while, everything was lighthearted, and laughs were shared. For the moment, Hermione was able to push all thoughts of Ron with Lavender out of her mind and focus on just the three of them and the friendship they'd had since first year. She could cry with the relief she felt at seeing Harry almost back to normal, even though she knew that whatever had been bothering him was far from over.
"Hey, Harry," Ron said as he set his now empty plate on Harry's bedside table. "Want to go for a fly?"
Harry's eyes lit up. "Hell yeah!"
Ron turned to Hermione. "Want to join us? You can ride with me, if you want?"
Though the thought of being so close to Ron was extremely tempting, Hermione didn't fancy heights, and again, the thought of Ron with Lavender entered her mind. She shook her head. "No. I'm going to head to the library."
Ron's face fell. "Oh yeah. We were supposed to work on our essa-"
"It's fine!" Hermione interjected, refusing to take the joy of flying with Ron away from Harry. "You two have fun. You can meet me once you're done."
Ron nodded, and as the two boys started grabbing clothes to change into, Hermione left them and headed to the library, making it there in record time. Because it was Friday night, nobody was in the giant bookshelf-lined room, not even Madam Pince. The lights were lit though, the atmosphere peaceful and inviting as she made her way towards her favorite table near the back.
Hermione was almost halfway through her essay when the library door opened and Ron stepped inside. She lifted her head, and her heart ached just at the sight of him. He was wearing casual clothes, jeans that were a tad too tight, and a jumper with sleeves that didn't quite reach his wrists.
"Hey," he said as he sat down across from her, already pulling a roll of parchment from his bag.
"That didn't take long," Hermione declared. "Where's Harry?"
"Dumbledore sent him a Patronus while we were flying. Said it wasn't urgent, he just wanted to talk about a few things." Ron shrugged. "He'll probably be there for a while. You know how these things go."
"Oh, yeah." Hermione said as she stared at her essay. The prospect of being alone with Ron for an extended period made her feel uneasy. Again, the damned mental image of what she'd seen on the map crossed her mind, and she bit her lip as she tried not to think about it.
"Everything alright, Hermione?" Ron asked, breaking her from her thoughts. "You've been a bit…off today."
"Yes." she replied, trying to sound truthful, but knowing she was failing miserably.
Ron reached out with his hand, his intention obvious to set it on top of hers, but before he could, Hermione pulled her hand away, holding it close to her as if to protect it from his touch.
"What's wrong?" he demanded, looking stunned at her behavior. "Why are you acting like this?"
"I'm not acting like anything," Hermione insisted, glaring at him.
"You are. Just tell me why."
"You are not in the position to demand information from me, Ronald."
"I'm not-" He paused and let out an agitated sigh. "I'm not demanding anything from you, Hermione. But as your friend, I'm asking you to confide in me about what's bothering you."
Hermione let out a little incredulous laugh. "Well, then, as my friend, maybe you can respect the fact that I don't want to confide in you."
"Hermione," Ron pleaded. "Please, just-"
"Let's just work, okay?" Hermione cut in.
"Fine," Ron relented, the look on his face proving he wasn't happy with the idea.
They worked in silence for a few more minutes, Hermione's brain flying a million miles an hour. She was going about this the wrong way, but right now her hurt was taking center stage. She knew she wouldn't get any answers if she continued talking to Ron the way she just had. Part of her knew she was avoiding bringing up Lavender because if Ron were to come out and admit that he wasn't over her blonde roommate, Hermione would have to face the truth. If Ron truly didn't have any romantic feelings for her, she would be completely shattered. However, Hermione needed concrete answers sooner, rather than later, and as much as the truth might hurt her, she knew she needed to hear it.
"So, I heard you and Lavender talked earlier today." Hermione's eyes widened at her own brashness, and she internally cursed herself for blurting the words out like that. She kept her eyes cast downward, too scared to look at Ron. He said nothing, but his quill had stopped moving at her words, and he was now completely silent.
"How do you know that?" Ron finally asked, his voice low and shaky. When Hermione looked up at him, his face was laced with guilt, only furthering the churning in Hermione's stomach. "I mean-yeah...we talked earlier," he intoned, as if he were choosing his words wisely. "I just needed to talk to her and tell her that-"
"It's really none of my business what you talk to your girlfriend about, Ron," she cut him off.
"My ex-girlfriend, Hermione."
"I wonder what Harry is doing with Dumbledore right now?" Hermione asked, needing to change the subject. She'd been wrong. She wasn't ready to hear it. Ron had confirmed what she already knew, and what would surely come next was too hard to hear.
"Wait. Why are we talking about Harry now?" Ron asked, confused.
"Why shouldn't we talk about Harry?" Hermione argued. "He is our best friend, you know. In case you forgot that fact."
Ron slowly shook his head, staring at her as if she were barmy. "Of course I didn't. What are you even talking about, Hermione?"
"Well, what did you want to talk about, then?" she snapped.
"I was going to explain why I-" Ron stopped talking, as if thinking better of what he'd been going to say. "Well, maybe we could talk about tomorrow? About what you want to do in Hogsmeade, where you want to eat at, stuff like that."
Hermione scoffed. "Yeah, because that's important! Ron, how can you care about Hogsmeade given the fact that Harry's currently going through something so terrible that he can't even tell us what it is?"
Ron looked as if she'd slapped him, an expression of shocked hurt on his face.
"I'm sorry," Hermione said in an instant, even though the damage had already been done. "Ron, I didn't mean-"
"No. You're right," Ron cut in, his eyes now on the table. "I guess a day in Hogsmeade isn't as important compared to whatever Harry's going through."
He looked so dejected, and Hermione fought back tears as the guilt bubbled up inside of her. First, she hadn't properly allowed him to explain himself, and had been exceedingly rude by snapping at him. And then she'd insulted him when he'd brought up what was supposed to be their upcoming day together tomorrow. Hermione had been looking forward to it, yet she'd acted like it meant nothing at all to her, even though in reality it meant everything.
Her jaw quivered, and she could not stop the tears that started leaking from her eyes. She tried to cry silently, but all of a sudden it was as if a dam had broken and she was gasping for air as she cradled her face in her hands.
She heard Ron's chair scooting back before feeling him kneel next to her, his long arms moving to wrap around her trembling shoulders.
"Bloody hell, Hermione," he breathed, sounding alarmed. "What is it?"
Hermione just shook her head, unable to look at him, her face still in her hands. Ron held her close as she forced herself to stop crying, his hand running up and down her back, enveloping her with his calming scent. She clung onto his jumper, wishing she could stay where she was forever. That way, she could pretend that he was hers.
That he was only hers.
As Ron continued to hold her, Hermione could feel how much he cared, the thought confusing her even further. She realized that she couldn't have imagined the growing feelings between them- even if Lavender was still somehow in the picture for reasons Hermione didn't understand. What if Ron was only getting back with Lavender because he didn't think that Hermione had feelings for him? She didn't put herself out there before, and had regretted it terribly. Hermione was determined never to do that again, and even if Ron were to deny her, she had to make him see he had a choice.
She was his if he wanted her.
Hermione wouldn't press him, but she could be honest and tell him she was in love with him. If she did that, the ball would be in Ron's court, and he could do whatever he wanted with that information. It was a risk, and telling him could make or break her, but Hermione needed to do it.
As she was internally contemplating how to do it, Ron leaned back to look at her. "Hermione, please tell me why you're upset," he urged as he lifted a hand to wipe the remaining tears from her face.
Ron was her protector, her best friend, and hopefully, eventually her lover. As he stared at her, his eyes sincere and full of so much affection, Hermione was certain that her feelings were not unrequited, and this thought gave her the courage to speak her next words.
"I'm in love with my best friend," she whispered.
Ron blinked slowly, his face expressionless. It didn't even look like he was breathing as she watched him process her words. Hermione knew she'd caught him off guard, and it seemed like hours passed before he bowed his head and looked down at the ground, his fringe blocking her view of his eyes.
"Oh. Um. Right," he mumbled before getting up and walking around the table. Hermione could only watch as he fell back into his chair and leant forward, his elbows on the table as he stared unblinkingly down at his essay.
Out of all the reactions Ron might have had to her words, complete silence wasn't one she'd been expecting. Hermione's heart hammered in her chest, the uncertainty making her feel faint. "Ron," she asked tentatively. "Is that all you have to say about what I just told you?"
Ron didn't even look up at her. "Mm," he hummed, bowing his head down even further.
Hermione's eyes again welled up with tears, but then Ron's head snapped up and he glared at her. "You know what? I do have something to say. He doesn't feel that way about you, Hermione. Sorry."
Her mouth gaped open. Sure, Ron not feeling the same for her had been a possibility, but Hermione would have never imagined he'd be so insensitive about it. He had literally just held her in his arms as she'd cried! How could she have been reading him so wrong?
"W-what?" she sputtered, still in shock at the sight of his cold eyes that had seemed so open only moments ago.
He shook his head. "Really, Hermione, you should just forget about it."
This time, she couldn't stop the renewed batch of tears. "But I-"
Ron held up his hand, stopping her. "You know what? Fuck the essay. I'm tired. I'm going to bed."
With that, he stood up and stuffed his belongings into his bag, not even caring that he was crumpling up his parchment while his full ink bottle spilled all over his hand. A few seconds later, his bag was slung over his shoulder and he was walking away, not even giving her a second glance. The library door flung open with a loud clang, and then, he was gone.
Stunned, Hermione sat in the chair, the library blissfully empty as she folded her arms on the table and cried.