I apologize in advance.
It gets worse before it gets better, but try to hang in there!
I gave Cheesy a chapter off, but I'm still going to thank her because I know she would have given this a lookover if I'd have asked.
oOo
The next morning, Hermione waited in the Common Room for Harry and Ron to come down so they could walk to breakfast together as they usually did. She'd hardly slept at all, and her stomach was in knots as she wondered how Ron would act towards her after storming off last night. Her internal question, however, was not answered because Harry descended the stairs alone, the tall ginger boy nowhere in sight.
"Where's Ron?" Hermione asked him, her hands wringing in front of her.
Harry shrugged. "He refused to leave his bed. Said he was sick."
Hermione's heart dropped. She was certain that Ron wasn't sick at all and was only pretending to be so he wouldn't have to see her. Swallowing, she willed for her tears not to escape. She couldn't get over how betrayed she felt. Part of her had been hoping that last night hadn't happened at all, and that Ron's reaction to her telling him how she felt about him was just a sickening nightmare, even though she knew it wasn't.
"Alright. Let's go," she said in a small voice, her eyes reluctant to leave the staircase to the boys' dorm room.
Without another word, she and Harry made their way to breakfast, Ginny joining them along the way. The younger girl's expression was full of worry as she eyed Harry from her peripheral, and Harry, for his part, said nothing to either girl. When they sat down at the table, he ate his food mechanically, his eyes not leaving his plate.
The excited chatter of the other students around them did nothing for Hermione's mood, and if anything, only made her feel worse. All she could think about was Ron. Hermione doubted that their plans to spend the day together in Hogsmeade were still on, but she couldn't help but keep glancing towards the entrance of the Great Hall, willing for Ron to show up and tell her that he still wanted to go with her despite what had happened.
Ron cared for her.
Hermione knew he did.
So why had he been so cruel when she'd told him she was in love with him? Even if he didn't return her feelings (which he obviously didn't) the Ron she knew would never react to her news as he had.
Out of everything, it was that which hurt the most.
At the very least, Hermione would have expected Ron to let her down gently, to feel sorry for having to reject her, but that hadn't happened at all.
He'd seemed angry- enraged even, and it didn't make any sense.
"Well. I'm off to see Dumbledore," Harry said, breaking Hermione from her thoughts. "Are you two going to Hogsmeade today?'
Ginny shook her head. "Me and a few others are going for an afternoon fly."
"I-" Hermione stopped, not sure how to answer the question.
"Right," Harry said, not seeming to care what she'd been going to say. "I'll see you both later, then." With that, he turned around and walked away, Ginny staring after him with a look of anguish on her face.
"I swear," she mumbled, wiping her wet eyes with her sleeves. "Harry Potter will be the death of me."
Hermione laid a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Gin. I know how much you care for him."
Ginny scoffed. "Yeah. And the funny part is, he cares for me too. A few weeks ago...we kissed."
Hermione's mouth dropped open. "What? Really?"
The other girl nodded. "Yep. But the git told me we couldn't be together. Not until You-Know-Who has been defeated, anyway." She sighed, but there was a look of determination on her face. "Unbeknownst to him, though, I don't give up that easily. He's pushing me away, but I'm going to push back. What else can I do but fight for him, Hermione? Until Harry explicitly tells me he doesn't want me, I'm not going to stop."
Ginny's words hit deep, and the image of Ron's lopsided grin entered Hermione's mind. Ron may not feel the same way she did, but Hermione refused to lose him. Even if he would always only be her friend, that was better than nothing at all. She could rein in her feelings…could act like she only cared for him as a friend. She'd been doing it for years, and although it had progressively gotten harder to do, Hermione knew she could do it. For Ron's sake.
"Ginny," Hermione started, her mind now made up. "Could you do me a favor?"
oOo
Ron turned over, trying to get comfortable. He was fully awake, yet he had no intentions of getting out of his bed. As far as he was concerned, he would be happy to spend the rest of his life hidden away in his four-poster. The idea of facing Hermione again was unbearable, and as un-Gryffindor as this made him feel, Ron didn't have the courage to see her right now, not when the wound she'd unintentionally inflicted inside of him was still so fresh.
He'd been by himself for a while now, the rest of the boys having left as soon as they'd woken up that morning. When he'd asked, Ron had given Harry the lame excuse that he was sick, and luckily his friend hadn't pushed the issue. Even seeing Harry had hurt Ron in a way he hadn't been expecting, now that he knew how Hermione felt about him. Ron, of course, was not going to hold anything against his best mate, because none of this was Harry's fault, not really.
Ron had no intentions of telling Harry about Hermione's love for him, partly because it wasn't his truth to tell, the other part because Ron knew Harry would feel guilty as hell, not to mention awkward about the whole thing.
All was peaceful and silent in the room until the door was slammed open, causing Ron to sit up and rip his curtains apart to find the source of the noise.
"Ronald Weasley," Ginny snarled, her face an impressive Weasley red. "Did you, or did you not, ask Hermione to spend the day together with you in Hogsmeade?"
Ron blinked, taking a few seconds to catch up to this new turn of events. "Yeah, I did," he replied, matching his sister's glare. "But there's been a change of plans. I'm not going."
"Don't be an idiot!" Ginny growled. "Hermione's down there, and she looks devastated. She thinks you're avoiding her."
Ron's stomach churned, guilt washing over him. Though Hermione wasn't in love with him, Ron knew she cared for him as a friend, and right now he was being a really shitty one.
"I am avoiding her," he admitted, the fight now gone from him.
Ginny still looked mad, but her face softened the tiniest bit. "Now, why on earth would you do something like that? This is Hermione."
Ron sighed. It was obvious that Hermione hadn't told Ginny what had happened last night, otherwise the topic would not be about Ron ignoring Hermione, but rather the fact that both Ginny and Hermione fancied the same bloke.
"We had a row last night," he admitted. "I just feel like being alone. That's all."
His sister threw her arms up in frustration. "Don't you realize that you're blowing your chances of getting with her?" Ron only shook his head, his eyes on his bedspread. Ginny didn't understand that his chances of getting with Hermione were already non-existent. "What did you two row about?" she asked, sounding curious. "Hermione wouldn't tell me."
"It's not my business to say," Ron answered immediately.
And it was true. No matter how upset he was, no matter how much he wanted to confide in someone so he wouldn't have to keep the painful secret that was burning up inside of him to himself, Ron knew he could never betray Hermione like that.
Ginny groaned. "What is it with you two? You've been dancing around each other for years, and frankly, it's exhausting to watch. Entertaining, but still- exhausting."
Ron glowered at her. "Are you done?" he snapped, eager for her to go away and leave him to continue his wallowing.
"Almost," Ginny responded, crossing her arms over her chest. "Hermione sent me up here with a message."
Ron sat up further, his heartbeat picking up pace as he waited for Ginny's next words with bated breath.
"She wants me to tell you she's sorry for last night, and she still wants to see you. She's heading to Hogsmeade and she'll be waiting for you at the Three Broomsticks."
Ron swallowed, his throat tight. When he didn't answer, Ginny spoke again. "Ron? Did you hear me?"
He nodded. "I heard you," he whispered.
Ginny sighed. "I've got people waiting for me, so I have to go. But for the love of fucking Merlin, Ron, fix things with Hermione." Before Ron could give her any kind of response, his sister had turned around and was gone.
Feeling even worse than before, Ron lay back down on his bed.
If only fixing things with Hermione were as simple as Ginny seemed to think they were, then everything would be okay. Even though he felt sick knowing Hermione would be waiting for him, Ron knew he wouldn't be able to see her. Not yet.
oOo
Hermione sat in the back corner of the Three Broomsticks, her eyes scanning the crowded pub for something to do as she waited for Ron to show up.
She could only hope that Ginny had been able to talk some sense into him and that he would show up to talk things out with her. Despite everything, Hermione and Ron had always been great friends. She planned on telling him that nothing had to change between them and that if she had to ignore her feelings and never speak or act on them again, she would. Because first and foremost, Ron was her best friend, and she was determined not to lose his friendship. Not after all they'd been through.
With every minute that passed, Hermione's hope that Ron would show up diminished just a little bit more. The people around her came and went, some giving her curious looks, but nobody said anything.
After a little over five hours, Hermione finally stood up from the table, now convinced Ron wasn't coming. From his awful reaction last night, Hermione should have guessed he'd avoid her, but she'd thought their friendship meant more to him than that.
oOo
After lying in bed all day, Ron finally managed to pull himself out a little after midnight. Not having eaten, his stomach growled loudly, but he ignored it as he made his way towards the loo, trying to be quiet so he wouldn't wake his sleeping roommates.
As he passed by Harry's bed, Ron saw it was empty. He frowned. After Ginny had left that morning, he'd put several spells around his four poster in order to not be disturbed. He did not currently know Harry's whereabouts, but Ron pushed down his unease, forcing himself not to be worried. Sometimes Harry's 'lessons' with Dumbledore ran pretty late, so Ron told himself that his friend was fine.
Ron used the bathroom and brushed his teeth before throwing on a jumper and an old pair of jeans, not caring at all what he looked like. It wasn't as if he was planning to run into anyone important at this hour. He then made his way downstairs, planning to head to the kitchens to see if the house-elves would make him a plate of food.
As soon as he stepped off the last stair into what he assumed to be the empty Common Room, Ron's heart stopped, and he instantly regretted his decision to leave his bed.
As if she'd been waiting for this moment, Hermione jumped up from the sofa before spinning around to face him. Her hair was disheveled even more so than usual, her face red and puffy. She looked so small and nervous, and Ron's chest constricted to the point of pain at the sight of her.
"We were supposed to meet in Hogsmeade," she started, her voice unusually quiet. Ron felt it would have hurt him less if she were screaming at him. "You didn't come. I waited all day."
Ron didn't answer for a long moment. He hadn't been ready to face her just yet, but now he didn't really have a choice in the matter. Finally, he sighed. "Of course I didn't come, Hermione. Don't you think, given the circumstances, that it would have been weird for me?"
Hermione's face fell. "No," she responded. "It wouldn't have been. We are still friends! My… feelings have nothing to do with that, Ron! It's not like I'm going to…act on them." She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. "That's actually what I was going to talk to you about today, but you stood me up."
"I'm sorry," Ron said, and he truly meant it. "I felt- I feel like shit for not coming today, Hermione, but I just couldn't. Please try to understand."
"Is this how it's going to be from now on? You avoiding me like this?" she inquired.
"No, Hermione, it's not like that. I don't want to ruin our friendship." He gulped. "I just need- I need some time, okay?"
"I don't want to lose you, Ron. If I'd known that telling you how I felt would do this to us, I would have never told you."
Ron shook his head. "No. I'm glad you told me. No sense in me believing otherwise."
Hermione took a few tentative steps towards him. "We don't have to be like this, Ron. We can go back to how it was just yesterday. All you have to do is pretend that I never told you what I did. I'll act the same way towards you as I always have. Nothing has to change."
It took everything in Ron not to close the gap between them and pull her into his arms. If he did, all Ron would be doing would be hurting himself even more. As much as his heart ached for her, he knew he had to protect himself as well, otherwise, he would surely fall apart.
He again shook his head. "I can't forget. I'm sorry. I wish I could, but I can't."
Tears escaped Hermione's eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Ron had to look away from her, his heart feeling like it was in a vise in his chest. It hurt that she cared so much, even though it wasn't in the way he wanted her to.
"Ron, I'm sorry," she cried. "How can I fix this?"
"Sorry for what, Hermione?" he replied, his eyes still on the ground. "It's not like you can control how you feel."
Ron knew this firsthand.
"So, what now, then?" Hermione asked, her voice broken.
"I don't know," he answered honestly, turning his body away from her so she wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.
"What I can't understand," Hermione started, "is how you could have been so surprised by what I told you. I thought, on some level, you already knew. I mean, how could you not?"
Ron shook his head. "I really didn't. I should have, though. A lot of things make sense now."
"I really thought that…" Hermione trailed off.
Ron kept his gaze on the floor, knowing that if he looked at her, he wouldn't be able to handle it.
After a moment of awkward silence, he let out a small, humorless chuckle. "I just don't know what to say, Hermione. I don't know how to act around you right now. It's not your fault, and I wish I could be a better person- that I could not think about it and act like everything is fine, but-"
The sound of the portrait hole opening cut Ron's rambling short, and he and Hermione turned to see McGonagall coming through, her face grief stricken. She stopped short at the sight of them, her eyes darting back and forth as if asking them a silent question.
As if coming to some kind of internal conclusion, McGonagall cleared her throat. "Why are you two out of bed? No matter. I came to fetch the both of you. Come with me, please."
Ron shared a look with Hermione before wordlessly following their Head Of House out of the Common Room. As they walked along the quiet stone corridors, Hermione was the first to break the silence.
"Professor McGonagall? Where are you taking us?" she asked.
"To the Hospital Wing."
At Hermione's loud gasp, McGonagall stopped walking. The professor turned around and put a hand on top of Hermione's shoulder. "Mr. Potter is fine. He's…shaken, but uninjured. He's been saying a few…odd things." The older woman sighed. "A lot has happened tonight."
Hermione nodded, and all three of them continued, making it to the Hospital Wing in record time. When they got to the enormous doors that led to the Infirmary, McGonagall again stopped and turned to them. "Before you two go in there, I think you should know-" she paused and took a shaky breath, her eyes filling up with tears. "First, Voldemort is gone. This time for good."
Ron and Hermione shared an incredulous look, both of their eyes wide.
"He and Professor Dumbledore dueled and-" she paused again. "It was just too much for him, and the Headmaster is dead."
At the words, Hermione stumbled sideways, Ron catching her before she could fall. She was only in his arms for a couple of seconds before she righted herself and stepped away from him, her hands coming up to cover her mouth. She shook her head, as if in disbelief. "Oh, Harry," she whispered.
Ron cleared his throat, unsure of how to feel. On one hand, Voldemort being gone was the best news possible. Voldemort's death was something that he always figured he'd have to help fight for one day, and it seemed almost impossible that he wouldn't have to. On the other hand, though, the death of Dumbledore hit hard. Ron had never known the old man very well, but he had always been there, fighting for the well-being of the Wizarding World. Ron knew Harry had to be devastated, because Harry never took loss well. Now, Albus Dumbledore was just another name to be added to the list of people Harry had lost in his young life.
Ron was broken out of his thoughts as McGonagall swung the Hospital Wing doors open, Hermione flying through them first, no doubt wanting to get to Harry as fast as possible.
Ron bit back the sour taste in his mouth.
Scared about what kind of shape he'd find Harry in, Ron hung back for several moments, trying to prepare himself. Finally, he took a deep breath and walked inside to find Harry laying on a hospital bed, Hermione on a chair next to him as she clutched his hand between hers, tears falling down her face.
When Ron got closer, he saw Harry was staring blankly ahead, and Ron figured he was in some kind of shock.
Without warning, Harry looked up at him. "Dumbledore's dead," he said, his voice flat and emotionless. "I died too. Voldemort killed me. I was a Horcrux, you see. This whole time. That's why I couldn't tell you. I knew I was going to have to die, because Dumbledore told me."
Ron shared a bewildered look with Hermione. "Is that even possible?" he asked, his question aimed more towards Hermione than Harry.
Hermione nodded before bursting into a fresh batch of tears. Standing up, she stood and threw her arms around Harry, Harry gingerly returning her hug. Stunned by Harry's confession, and unable to watch the sight in front of him, Ron averted his gaze to Harry's sheet-covered feet.
"Harry, you died, mate?" he asked. "But…you're alive. McGonagall said you were fine."
Harry nodded. "Dumbledore told me I might be able to come back...after, but he wasn't sure. We were both dead, and we were at Kings Cross Station. He told me to come back…so I did."
"What?" Hermione exclaimed. "Harry, that doesn't make any sense! King's Cross? What are you talking about?"
Ron stood there with his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to say. The past twenty-four hours had his head spinning, and he was still trying to catch up.
"Alright you two," Madam Pomfrey interrupted. "I'm going to run a few more tests on Mr. Potter. Nothing invasive, but I'll be asking him a few personal questions, so I'm going to have to ask you to step out into the hallway for a few minutes."
Reluctantly, Ron stepped away, Hermione standing up and following him. Silent, they made their way out into the hallway, Madam Pomfrey shutting the door behind them.
"Oh, Ron," Hermione started once the door was closed. "This is awful! Harry died! He died, and then he had to watch Dumbledore die. He's not okay."
Ron threw his hands up in exasperation. "I know that, Hermione! I heard everything too! Why do you always have to repeat things to me about Harry that I already know? Do you think I'm a fucking idiot? You're worried about Harry, I get it, but not everything revolves around you and your feelings."
Hermione's mouth dropped open. "I never said it did!"
"Might as well have." Ron snapped before coming to his senses. "Shit. I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to be an arse."
"A little too late for that, don't you think?" she replied, her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at him.
Ron closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples, a frustrated groan coming from his lips.
"I'm sure Madam Pomfrey is done by now. I'm going to go back in," he heard Hermione say in a calm voice. "Harry needs us. Just because things are rocky between you and me right now doesn't mean I'm going to put Harry on the back-burner."
Still not opening his eyes, Ron nodded. "Yeah. You're right. He needs us."
"We don't have to speak to each other," Hermione continued. "In fact, let's take turns being with him. That way, we won't have to interact with each other at all, as that seems to be what you want."
Ron felt too emotionally drained to argue. There was a soft click of a door closing, and when he opened his eyes, Hermione was gone.