Hello! Here's the next installment. Again, I'm sorry.
The most lovely of cheeses gave this chapter a look over, so she gets all my thanks.
oOo
All of the professors agreed it was best to put the former Hogwarts Headmaster to rest as soon as possible. McGonagall, who was now in charge of the castle, arranged for Dumbledore's funeral to be held on Monday morning, just over twenty-four hours after his death.
Ron felt numb as he got dressed for the occasion, his eyes red and bloodshot, both from lack of sleep and the amount of stress he'd experienced over the last few days. His hands were shaky as he fastened his sombre black robes that his mum had sent to him via owl as soon as she'd heard the news of Dumbledore's passing. She and his dad, along with Bill and the twins, would soon be arriving at Hogwarts to pay their respects. Somehow, the fact that they would be there today made everything that had happened seem even more real.
Once fully dressed, Ron glanced up at Harry, who was still buttoning up his robes, just as silent as the rest of his dorm mates currently were. Last night, Madam Pomfrey had declared Harry both physically and emotionally ready to leave, something Ron knew Harry was grateful for, as he'd always hated to be stuck in the Hospital Wing. His best mate was still upset, of course, but Ron was relieved to see that little by little, Harry's shock was wearing off, and the light in his green eyes was starting to return for the first time in months now that the looming threat of Voldemort was gone.
Ginny had, for the most part, taken the majority of the responsibility when it came to helping Harry cope. Despite how weird Ron felt witnessing the new shift in their relationship, it was easy for him to see that it had been for the best. For the first time, Harry was willingly opening up to someone about his grief and talking about what he'd gone through, something Ron was surprised yet relieved about.
As Ron mused this over in his head, Seamus, Dean, and Neville walked one by one out of the abnormally quiet room, leaving only him and Harry.
"Are you going to be okay today?" Ron asked, causing Harry to look up at him and frown, as if just now realising he wasn't alone.
Harry nodded. "Yeah. It's hard, but-" he paused, as if trying to find the right words. "I think Dumbledore knew he was likely to die. I think he was at peace with it. And then, seeing him at King's Cross when we both were-" He paused again. "I don't think he wanted me to be upset. He definitely didn't seem upset."
Ron resisted the urge to shudder at the thought of how close Harry had been to losing his life. "I can believe that," he agreed. "The man lived a long life."
There was a knock at the door, and Ginny popped her head in. "Neville said you were already dressed. Are you ready to go down?" she asked, her question directed towards Harry.
Harry gave her a small smile. "Yeah." He turned to Ron. "Are you coming?"
"I'll be down in a minute," Ron replied, wanting a moment to himself.
Harry shrugged, and after taking Ginny's outstretched hand, they disappeared, closing the door behind them. Letting out a loud sigh, Ron sat down on the end of his bed, his hands coming up to massage his temples. He felt selfish as hell for it, but the heavy feeling in his chest had nothing to do with Dumbledore's upcoming funeral and had everything to do with the bushy-haired brunette he was in love with. Things between him and Hermione were far from okay, and other than briefly passing each other going to and from the Hospital Wing to be with Harry, Ron hadn't seen her at all.
Although he hated how they were right now, Ron was still too hurt to try and mend things. To be honest, he didn't see a realistic way they could ever go back to how they used to be, and that was eating away at him. If there was a way to fix their friendship, Ron wouldn't have the first clue how to do so, not when it hurt him to even look at her. He'd been awake late last night going through different outcome scenarios in his head, wondering if there was anything such as an un-love potion he could take. He would do anything not to be in love with Hermione anymore, because it just hurt too damn bad.
After several minutes, Ron stood up and made his way out of the castle and down to the grounds where the service was to be held. The grassy field was quickly filling up with other mourners, and there were hundreds of neatly lined wooden white chairs set up in rows. Ron could spot Harry, Ginny and Hermione sitting together in the front, but before he could make it to them, he was being engulfed in his mum's arms. Ron gingerly returned the hug.
"Such a shame, such a shame," she muttered as she stepped back and swept the fringe out of Ron's eyes. She gave her son a tight smile. "You sure look handsome, Ronnie. You look practically all grown up."
"Well, he is of age now, Mum," Bill cut in, walking up to give Ron a quick hug. "How're you doing, Ron?"
Ron managed a small smile. "Alright."
His dad greeted him next, giving him an affectionate shoulder squeeze. "Hate the circumstances, but I'm glad to see you, son."
Ron patted his dad's hand. "Where are Fred and George?" he asked.
"They were with Lee Jordan last I saw," Bill answered. "But it looks like the service is about to start, so we should find our seats."
Ron looked over at the empty chair next to Ginny, and when he turned back to his parents, his mum ushered him away. "Go be with them, dear. We'll see you later."
Grateful, Ron nodded and made his way to the front row and sat next to his sister. Ginny had hold of Harry's right hand, while Hermione was holding his left. From the corner of his eye, Ron saw Hermione peering over at him, but he didn't look at her, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the brilliant white casket instead.
The funeral was lovely- or at least Ron thought that it probably was. To be honest, he paid little attention to the words being spoken, his mind a million miles away. There were a lot of tears and sniffles around him, but he couldn't bring himself to cry- not about this.
Even though he wasn't looking or interacting with her at all, Hermione's presence was overwhelming. Ron's heartbreak threatened to consume him as he sat in such close proximity to her. Everything really had gone to shit so fast. He still felt like a complete fool over the amount of hope he'd previously had, and the embarrassment mingled in with the hurt, causing a pounding in his head that only grew worse as time went on.
As soon as the service was over, Ron stood up and took off, wanting to get back to the castle and away from everyone as quickly as possible. He grimaced when he heard Ginny calling his name, and when he looked back, his sister was running towards him, her long hair whipping around her face. Rolling his eyes, he continued walking, planning to ignore her, but she caught up to him and threw her body in his path.
"Where are you going?" she asked breathlessly, her hands on her hips.
Ron shrugged. "Back to the castle. I don't fancy being around a lot of people right now."
Ginny sighed. "I know you think I'm prying too much, but you really need to fix things with Hermione. I can't stand it. She looks dreadful, and though he doesn't say so, I know you two fighting is bothering Harry as well."
Ron shook his head. "That's none of your bloody business! And to be completely honest, I don't think things are fixable between me and Hermione."
Ginny opened her mouth to respond when her gaze went behind him, her eyes widening. Ron spun around to see Hermione standing there, a stunned and hurt expression on her face.
"Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed before hurrying over to her friend. "Ron didn't mean that. He-"
"He did mean that," Hermione cut in, her voice low as she glared at him. "Your brother has made himself perfectly clear several times now."
Seemingly desperate, Ginny turned to Ron, her expression pleading. "Ron, please. You two have been friends for so long! You have-"
"Maybe that's the problem," Ron interrupted, crossing his arms in front of him. "Maybe we were only meant to be friends for a certain amount of time."
Ron didn't mean it, but with Hermione glaring at him, he was unable to stop himself.
Hermione's face was stony and unreadable, and he knew she was hiding any genuine emotions she was currently feeling. "Right," she agreed, nodding. "Maybe that's true."
"It's not true," Ginny insisted, stepping in between them as if it would make a difference. "I don't know what you two are rowing about, but whatever happened, you can get through it! You always have!"
"Getting through something requires effort," Hermione said, her eyes still on Ron. "And it also requires both people wanting to find a resolution."
Ron clenched his fists at his sides, but said nothing. Did he want to fix things with Hermione? Of course he did. Did he currently have the heart to do so? No, he didn't. Right now, he was weak. He wasn't afraid to admit it- even if only to himself.
Hermione must have taken his silence as affirmation, because she gave him a curt nod before turning around and heading back towards the crowd of people.
"Ron!" Ginny cried, reaching an arm out to shove at his shoulder. "What the fuck? You can't possibly mean what you said about-"
"I didn't," he admitted. "But just- for the love of fucking Merlin, Gin, stay out of it, alright?"
Without waiting for a response, Ron spun around and stomped back towards the castle, fighting the urge to vomit.
oOo
Since classes were cancelled for the day, students milled about the castle grounds in a sombre mood. The house-elves had put together a grand breakfast for students and guests directly after Dumbledore's service. When the post came, Hermione received a letter from her parents, but decided she wasn't ready to read it just yet, so she put it in her robes pocket. She stayed close to Harry and Ginny, appreciating the fact they weren't pushing her to talk, because talking was the last thing she wanted to do.
After storming off, Ron was nowhere to be found. Mr and Mrs Weasley, along with Bill and the twins, had searched for him with no success, finally giving up and leaving, making Ginny promise to scold him for disappearing and not seeing them off.
It wasn't until lunchtime rolled around when Ron finally showed his face. Instead of taking his normal spot next to Hermione, however, he chose to sit across the table in between Neville and Dean. Hermione briefly watched from her peripheral as he scarfed his food down at a rapid pace, as if eager to get away.
Over and over, his words reverberated in her head, making her feel worse with every repeat. The thought of her and Ron never fixing things between them was too hard to bear, even if she was furious with him at the moment.
So deep in her thoughts, it took Hermione a moment to notice that most of the Great Hall had gone quiet, and when she looked up from her plate, she realised why.
On the bench right next to her, Harry and Ginny were now entwined in a tight embrace, their mouths moving together as if they'd been waiting all of their lives to kiss like that. Surprised, Hermione turned to Ron to see his reaction, stunned when she saw that his piercing blue eyes weren't on the snogging couple at all, but were on her. His gaze was so intense, and she found herself unable to look away from him, her breath laboured as she waited to see what he would do next. Still holding eye contact with her, Ron stood up and slammed his empty goblet onto the table before walking away.
Fury coursing through her veins, Hermione jumped up and took off after him, feeling a desperate need to give him a piece of her mind.
Though her legs were much shorter than his, Hermione was determined, and Ron looked surprised as she caught up to him in the empty corridor right outside the Great Hall.
"What was that look for?" she demanded. "You obviously don't want to be friends with me, Ron, so why would you go and stare at me like you just did?" She had tears falling down her cheeks now, and she swiped them away in anger.
For a moment Ron said nothing, but then he shrugged, his expression one of cold indifference. "I don't know what you're talking about, Hermione."
"Agh!" Hermione screeched, stomping her foot in frustration. "Why do you do that? You're so fake, Ronald Weasley!"
Ron's eyes flashed. "Quit making me your scapegoat! We both know why you're upset right now, and it has nothing to do with me."
"Right!" she yelled. "You don't want to take any of the blame. What else is new?"
"You're barmy!" Ron accused, his voice now as loud as hers.
Hermione threw her head back in a ridiculous cackle. "Fine, Ron, I'm barmy! Completely mental! Off my bloody rocker! Glad to know how you really feel about me!"
Ron took a step back, shaking his head. "Fucking hell," he muttered. "I can't do this right now."
"Do what, Ron?" Hermione spat out. "Talk to me? Be around me? Why don't you be more specific for once?"
Ron only shook his head again before spinning around and taking off, rounding a corner out of her sight. This time, Hermione did not follow him. Letting out a small sob, she backed up against the stone wall and closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down. After a few long moments, she opened her eyes again, glad to see that the corridor was still empty of other students.
Broken and desperate for a distraction, Hermione remembered the letter that was still in her pocket. Sniffing, she pulled it out and ripped it open.
Hermione,
I imagine you already know what your father and I are going to say. The news of Dumbledore's death was all over this morning's paper, and we would be ignorant to believe that everything is good and well at Hogwarts right now. Furthermore, how many times have we heard from you that you are safe? That the other students are safe because Dumbledore is there to protect you all? Well, now your headmaster is gone, despite your insistence that he was a pillar not to be beaten. Voldemort is supposedly gone as well, but how are we to truly trust even that? He was 'dead' before he came back for a second time, wasn't he? Your father and I may be limited in our knowledge of magic, Hermione, but we are scared that the threat of Voldemort, or even his followers, still remains a tremendous threat to your safety, especially now that Dumbledore isn't there. There is some news from here as well. As you know, we have been wanting to move away for a while now, and things have lined up perfectly for us to do so. We have found the perfect house in the United States. Montana, to be precise. It is in a small cosy town, and your father and I both agree it is perfect for us. Please come home, sweetheart. We will get you anything and everything you could possibly want. All we need is a yes. We will be moving regardless of your answer, but our hearts will be broken if you choose not to join us.
We love you,
Mum and Dad
Hermione sniffed, her hands shaking as she refolded the letter.
Her parents were moving. To the United States. With or without her.
Hermione stared at the letter in her hands. This. This was her ticket out. The thought of leaving this world behind- her world behind, had never crossed her mind, at least seriously.
But what did she have now?
She certainly didn't have Ron. Instinctively, Hermione knew his words to Ginny earlier were right, and that their friendship wasn't able to be salvaged- at least anytime soon. Maybe one day they could fix things, but definitely not right now.
Although she did have Harry and Ginny on her side, they had each other now and she was no longer needed. Hermione would just end up being a third wheel, and her presence would eventually put a rift between Ron and the new couple as they felt pressured to pick a side. She couldn't do that to them.
Hermione could stay, yes, but how happy could she be if she did? How happy could her friends be if they had to be around all of this negativity every day?
Even if Ron hated her, Hermione still loved him, and she would have to feel his rejection every time he was near her.
Was that what she wanted?
If she were to move to the States with her parents though, Hermione had a chance to start a new life away from all of this mess. Her parents loved her, and she knew they'd do anything to support her if she chose to go with them.
The thought of leaving Hogwarts made her feel ill, but not as ill as the thought of staying did.
Her mind made up, Hermione marched towards Dumbledore's office, where she only hoped Professor McGonagall would be. Although the head of Gryffindor house hadn't officially been named as headmistress yet, the entire school figured it would only be a matter of time before it was announced.
By the time Hermione made it to the stone Gargoyle, she was even more sure of her decision. She spoke to the stone statue, telling it her name, hoping that there was some bit of magic to alert the person inside, as she didn't know the password. When the staircase started to twist and rise, Hermione jumped onto it, holding still on the moving steps.
When the staircase came to a halt, she was greeted by the sight of Professor McGonagall sitting behind Dumbledore's large desk, looking more haggard than Hermione had ever seen her.
"Miss Granger," the older woman said with mild curiosity. "How may I help you?"
"Would it be possible to take my N.E.W.T. 's today, Professor? Right now, actually?" Hermione asked as she walked towards the desk, not wasting any time.
McGonagall raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You are only a sixth-year student, Hermione. Why would you-"
Hermione thrust the letter from her parents towards the older woman. "My parents are moving, and I'm going with them. I'm leaving Hogwarts- tonight. I would love to leave with all my academic loose ends tied though, so I'm asking you if I would be able to take my N.E.W.T.'s."
McGonagall scanned the letter, her brow furrowed. "Are you sure this is what you want to do, Miss Granger? While I can empathise with your parents' wishes, you are of age to make these kinds of choices on your own. To me, at least in my limited opinion, this feels like a very rash decision."
"I've made up my mind," Hermione insisted. "I can't lose my parents, and I've been ignoring them for far too long already. The only thing I ask from you is the opportunity to take my exams. I'm fairly certain I'm ready, and even if I may not get the marks I would have gotten with more time to study, I'm confident I'll pass." She took a deep breath. "Is that an option?"
McGonagall gave a slow nod. "It is. There have been a few special circumstances in the past where it was allowed, but once again, I must ask, are you sure?"
"I am."
oOo
A little over an hour later, Hermione walked out of the large office feeling just a bit lighter. She forced all negative thoughts aside, wanting to concentrate on her plan so she could follow through on doing what she needed to do. She made it up to her room, intending to pack, only to find Ginny sitting on her bed, waiting for her.
"Hermione," her friend said as she stood up, looking relieved. "I've been looking all over for you. Are you alright?"
Hermione nodded, forcing down the lump in her throat. "My parents are moving to America," she said, her voice flat. "I'm going with them."
Ginny's eyes widened in surprise. "What? You're leaving? Now?"
"Yes," Hermione confirmed. "Just as soon as I get my trunk packed."
"This is all so sudden," Ginny said, looking panicked as Hermione summoned her trunk out from underneath the bed. "Is this because you and Ron are rowing? Because if it is, I know he will-"
"This is not about Ron!" Hermione snapped, her tone harsher than she'd intended it to be. "This is about my parents! I'm their only daughter and I-" she stopped, unable to finish her sentence as the reality of what she was about to do hit her in full force.
Ginny said nothing, but she moved forward to wrap her arms around Hermione in a hug.
"I'm sorry, Gin," Hermione whispered against the girl's shoulder. "But I have to go."
"I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty damn upset about it, Hermione," Ginny responded. "But what can I do? I can tell you've already made up your mind."
"I have," Hermione confirmed.
"Will you at least keep in touch?" Ginny asked as she stepped back.
"I don't know," Hermione answered truthfully. "Probably not. At least not at first."
The younger girl looked distressed. "Are you going to at least tell Ron and Harry that you're leaving?"
"Yeah, I'll-" she paused, biting her lower lip. "I'll write them letters."
Hermione walked over to her small nightstand and pulled out a self-inking quill along with a piece of parchment. She wrote to Harry first, tears running down her nose as she did so. When she was finished, she went to start a note for Ron, finding she couldn't even bring herself to write his name down, much less anything else.
Giving up, she stood and handed Harry's letter to Ginny. "Please give that to Harry."
"And Ron?" Ginny inquired. "What about him?"
Hermione closed her eyes and let out a breath. "I can't. I tried, but I can't."
Ginny looked bothered, but thankfully, she said nothing more on the subject. "I'll help you pack," she spoke after a moment, though she didn't look at all eager to do so.
Because Hermione always kept all of her belongings in the same places, packing was easy and within fifteen minutes, it was like she'd never lived there at all.
"This is shit," Ginny muttered as soon as Hermione finished zipping up her trunk. "I think you're making a massive mistake."
Hermione looked up at the other girl, who was staring at her with a mixture of agitation and distress on her face. "I might be. I don't know. All I know is, I need to put my parents first for once. They are the only family I have."
Ginny's eyes narrowed. "We are your family too, Hermione. Or at least I thought we were."
Hermione rushed over to her. "Please don't hate me for this," she pleaded. "This is something I have to do. Please don't make me leave on bad terms with you. I couldn't stand it."
After a moment, Ginny nodded. "I'm going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too. I really will."
The two girls embraced one last time before Hermione made her way out with her things, not even bothering to look behind her as she headed back to McGonagall's office to floo to London.
oOo
There was almost nothing Ron loved more than to be up in the clouds; to soar through the air at an incredible speed before twisting and dipping, causing that delightful flipping feeling in his stomach.
After he and Hermione had had yet another spat, he'd gone up to his dorm to grab his broom and go for a fly, hoping it would help clear his head. The solitude of being in the sky by himself for several hours had certainly done wonders for his mood, even as his body ached from being on his broom for so long.
Ron felt an extraordinary amount of regret at how things had been between him and Hermione since that awful night in the library, and he realised how selfish he'd been. He needed to fix things between them- no matter the cost. He'd fucked up earlier, but he was going to fix it. Would it hurt him to talk it out with her? Yes. But was Hermione worth it? Also yes.
Hermione was in love with Harry, and that fact bloody hurt. But in the grand scheme of things, did that detail even matter? Ron loved her, and just because his love was unrequited, it didn't mean he was going to give up on her entirely, not after everything they'd been through together.
He'd taken the last several hours to grieve the loss of a relationship he'd probably never have with her, and though he was far from over it, he was done pushing her away from him. He would fight for her, and would fight for a future in which he would be okay with her not returning his feelings. Despite everything, Ron couldn't imagine his life without Hermione- as a friend, or otherwise.
There was also a little voice inside his head whispering to him, telling him now that Harry was with Ginny, Hermione could move on, and maybe, just maybe, Ron could eventually be an option for her. Ron knew it wouldn't happen overnight, but that sliver of hope was his lifeline and he was clinging to it. But, even if he stood no chance with her, Ron still wanted her by his side and wouldn't have it any other way.
When he made it back to the open window of his dorm room, the room was empty with the exception of Harry, who stood up as Ron clambered off his broom, a look on his face that Ron didn't like. Ron walked towards the other boy, and when he raised an eyebrow in question, Harry gulped before wordlessly handing him a piece of parchment.
Dread filled Ron's chest as he recognized the neat scrawl, and he pulled the parchment out of Harry's hand to read it.
Harry,
I'm so sorry to be writing this, but I don't know if I would have managed to tell you this news face to face without breaking down. As you know, my parents have been wanting to take me out of Hogwarts for a while now, and Dumbledore's death has only made them more insistent that I go home. I'm leaving Hogwarts this afternoon and won't be returning. My parents and I are moving to the United States, to a small town in Montana. I know you'll think this is spur of the moment, but I really feel that I don't have a choice this time. I'll try to keep in touch, but I can't promise anything. Everything that has happened recently has my head spinning, and it's going to take me a while to process it all. Now that Voldemort is gone, I wish only happiness for you, Harry James Potter, and I hope you can forgive me for this.
All my love,
Hermione
His heart a rock in his chest, Ron turned the parchment over, looking for something else, anything else, but there was nothing.
"She left?" he croaked, his own voice unrecognisable to himself.
Harry nodded. "Apparently so. She talked to Ginny, but no one else."
Ron looked over at his bed, desperately hoping to see something left behind for him, but other than his pillow and rumpled blankets, it was empty. "She didn't leave me a note, did she?" he asked Harry, even though he already knew the answer.
"No. I'm sorry, Ron. I know that's gotta-"
"Doesn't matter," Ron interrupted, his voice rough. "It's her life. If she doesn't want to say goodbye to me, she doesn't bloody have to."
"Ron, you know that-"
"I don't want to fucking talk about it, Harry!" Ron barked.
Harry was smart enough to be quiet after that. Ripping his sweaty shirt off, Ron threw it to the floor with a frustrated growl. He gave his nightstand a hard kick before throwing himself in his four poster and pulling the curtains shut around him. After casting an Imperturbable, he laid down with his eyes open as he stared up at the canopy over his bed.
Hermione was gone.
Ron knew the truth hadn't hit him yet, and he was unsure how he'd react when it finally did. Even at his angriest, he never would have wished for her to leave. What if he never saw her again? He'd already lost her in one way, but now he was losing her in another way entirely, and it all seemed so final.
He laid there for hours, not moving a muscle. Only when the urge to empty his bladder got too strong to ignore did he open his curtains and climb out of bed, relieved to see all the other boys asleep.
After using the loo, Ron grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment from Harry's nightstand and climbed back into bed, eager to get all the words inside of his head written down.