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A/n this chapter is set directly after "Revelations."
JJ walked the well-lit hospital corridor alone. Pangs of guilt over ignoring her gut at the Henkel Farm churned in her belly. Her hands shook, and her racing heartbeat made her feel light-headed. She thought about the last hours and the bloody horrors committed by man and beast. The echoes of raging dogs and gunshots clamored in her head.
She tried to ignore the pain in her arm and her heart. The remembered sensation of Reid's shaking body embracing her, the smell of dirt, leaves, body odor and terror, and his voice. He'd spoken in a tone that scared her so badly that she almost ran from him. He'd sounded like a child and like someone who'd looked into the mouth of Hell.
Then, she'd noticed he could barely walk. The pain in his face broke her heart, and she clung to him like he might break apart like the leaves covering the ground if she let him go. Soon, though, she'd been forced to watch medics check him, then load him into the back of an ambulance. She heard words like dehydration, possible hairline skull fracture, injection marks in both arms, fracture of one foot, bruising and maybe cracking of ribs from the application of CPR, etc. The list horrified her, and she almost vomited but resisted through sheer force of will.
She let out a slow breath and tried to put the night's memories behind her. The room assigned to Reid came into view as JJ rounded the corner. Gideon sat in a chair next to Reid's bedside when she entered. He looked up at her when she approached and nodded. "He's finally sleeping."
JJ put her gift for Reid on the table next to his bed. Gideon looked at the vase with a single yellow rose and smiled. It was a tired smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"Yellow roses signify friendship," Gideon said.
"Do they?" JJ said as she looked at the flower. "I didn't know. I thought it was the prettiest flower in the gift shop."
"Well, I think I'll leave you here. I need to stretch my legs."
JJ didn't try to stop Gideon from leaving. She pulled up a chair with a horrible green plastic seat and sat down. Reid was sleeping. JJ wondered if he was dreaming. If so, she knew it had to be terrible, and she could do nothing to fix it.
She realized that if she were an actor in a movie, she'd have plenty to say to him despite him sleeping. Why did people in movies talk to sleeping people in hospitals? What if they wake up? What if Spence woke up and saw her there staring at him?
"Hey, Spence," she said softly. Reid moved in his sleep and JJ's heart rate climbed. She bit her bottom lip and wiped away a stray tear. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
She reached for his hand and then pulled her fingers away. If she touched him and once again felt the warmth of his skin, she would break down. The love she felt for him welled up and nearly choked her. He'd asked her out a year ago, and she'd gone. Then she'd ruined it by asking Garcia to go because she didn't realize that Reid thought it was a date. Why? How stupid was she to think he just wanted to be friends. She'd always seen how he looked at her with such longing in his eyes.
"How could I not know? I've always loved you," JJ whispered. "I don't know how to – "
JJ stopped and looked back at the rose on the bedside table. JJ wondered if Gideon knew she lied to him when she said she hadn't known the meaning of a yellow rose. She did know, and she'd been too cowardly to choose the beautiful red roses on display.
JJ stood and leaned over the railings of the hospital bed. She carefully bent in to kiss the corner of Reid's mouth, then she turned and hurried from the room.