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A/n, this is a tag for "Lauren."
Reid felt – broken. His life had tumbled out of his control, and for the first time in years, he wanted a shot. Just one to take the edge off his grief. If he could only close his eyes and forget about the sun on his shoulders and the feel of the cool metal in his hand as he carried Emily's casket to her final resting place.
He couldn't take his eyes off the casket as it sat, ready to be lowered out of sight, buried in the cold earth, and forgotten. Reid swore he'd never forget their friendship, how she'd insist on playing poker even when he could bluff her every time except for one time. She'd beaten him and walked away to leave him confused and to question his concentration.
A tear slowly rolled down his cheek as he tried not to think about the days ahead without Emily in the bullpen or on the jet. She made him laugh and sometimes blush with her commentary on life and murder or death.
"Hey," JJ said, and he jumped a little when she put a hand on his shoulder. "You ready to go."
"I don't know," Reid said. "I feel like I'm in a dream, and soon I'll wake up. Why can't I wake up, JJ?"
"Because we're not in a dream, Spence," JJ said softly. "I know it's not fair, but we have to walk away and somehow go on with our lives."
'How do we go on," Reid retorted. "Why didn't she let us help her? If she had, she'd be alive."
"I wish I had all the answers. Emily wanted to protect us."
"She should've asked," Reid said. "We're stronger together as a team. She should've trusted us."
"Yes," JJ said and looked at the casket shining in the sun. "She should've come to us, but it's too late now."
"Yeah," Reid said and wiped his eyes. "It's too late."
"Will wants to know if you're going to come back to the house. He's making his famous breakfast casserole as a late lunch or early dinner for us. I made cookies with chocolate frosting, and Henry decorated them. He asked for you."
Reid finally smiled at the mention of his godson. "Alright. I do want to see Henry."
"Good. Did you take one of the flowers from the arrangement sent by Emily's parents?"
Reid remembered that someone, probably the priest presiding over the graveside service, had said that the family could come forward and take a rose as a remembrance. He'd held back and then became distracted by the sight of the casket surrounded by beautiful flowers.
"No, I didn't think about it."
"I thought so," JJ said. "I grabbed one for you."
JJ held out a rose, tinted medium pink, to him. "It's beautiful."
Reid didn't take the blossom immediately. Instead, he blew out a breath and wiped his eyes. "Roses in medium pink tones symbolize mourning, but also gratitude."
"I am thankful that Emily was my friend," JJ said as a tear slid down her cheek.
"Me too."
He reached out and took the flower. It smelled so sweet and – like sunshine, which made no scientific sense as the sun didn't have an odor. Still, he knew that Emily, if she were there, would shake her head and tell him to stop attempting to put a logical spin on everything, including sunshine.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome, Spence. Come on. Let's get something to eat. I think we'll feel better."
"Well, low blood sugar does contribute to irritability," Reid said because he knew Emily would roll her eyes if she were there to hear him.
JJ smiled at him. She took his arm, and they walked away from their friend. Reid didn't know how long he'd mourn for Emily, but perhaps he'd find a way through it with the help of his friends.