"Fudge Ordered Dementors?"
Byline Verity Prate
As shocking as the events of this week have been, the revelations seem far from complete.
Investigations by this reporter have revealed that the order to kiss our Boy Who Lived were almost certainly sourced out of the office of the Minister for Magic!
A search of the background on dementors revealed three major possibilities of the impetus for the attack Wednesday evening. The first, of course, is rogue dementors. There are no current feral specimens of the phantoms in the isles, as is indicated by the lack of attacks. The idea that wild dementors would choose to attack only one set of people in the entirety of Britain beggars belief.
A second source of dementor attacks in the past occurred when the demons allied with dark lords. The only dark lord in recent times, You Know Who, had never been known to recruit the phantoms. Though it is believed that He Who Must Not etc. is no longer among us, sources reveal that Dumbledore, winner of the Order of Merlin, and Harry Potter asserted in June that the foul being had been resurrected. The ministry denies these statements. (Coincidentally, there has been a rather powerful smear campaign sourced out of the minister's office, attempting to besmirch the reputations of these wizards, two of our generation's greatest heroes.)
The final, and most plausible, documented source of dementor attacks is from the ministry, itself. The dementors are controlled by an enchantment held at Azkaban prison (see Thursday, August 3 edition for a special supplement on dementors). A search by this reporter noted that Delores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to Minister Fudge himself visited the island on Tuesday. (see picture of sign-in book below.) The record of the wards on the dementor control room demonstrate clearly that Madame Delores Umbridge, Minister Fudge's trusted advisor, entered that room the same day (see ward record analysis, below).
Minister Fudge, already under serious public pressure from the attack on our Boy Hero, has not commented on why his closest assistant was on Azkaban Island on Tuesday. The coincidence is too large for this reporter to ignore.
Instead of simply protesting Minister Fudge in the streets, I ask our readers to join with me in demanding a veritaserum questioning of both Cornelius Fudge and Delores Umbridge. Did they order the dementor attack on The Boy Who Lived?