"Boy Who Lived Does It Again!"
Byline Rita Skeeter
Readers of this periodical will be familiar with the recent tragedy that has befallen our national hero, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Wednesday last, he was attacked by foul dementors when he was out for a simple walk in his muggle neighborhood. Having been falsely accused of underage magic before, our hero did not attempt to defend himself (though he has been known to perform a corporeal patronus in the presence of a horde of dementors in the past). And now he lies, insensate, in the ward for long-term magical maladies.
Except he isn't.
My readers will be astounded to find that Mr. Potter has done it again. Just last evening, he appeared to waken. He asked questions and gave answers to questions.
It is truly another miracle that Mother Magic has blessed the child with.
Although it appears our hero may pull through this adversity, the question remains: who laid him so low?
My faithful readers. As you may recall, I have had a bit of a contentious reporting past with our Boy Who Lived. Although his performance at Hogwarts demonstrates that he is, at best, a mediocre wizard, the manner in which he can, out of seeming nowhere, defy all odds and surpass all expectations is undeniable. Regardless of whether or not he is a bona fide hero, he does not deserve the fate our minister's office seems to have planned for him. The libel and slander directed at a child are reprehensible. Additionally, there is little doubt that tomorrow's commission will find that Minister Fudge had more trials and tribulations planned for the orphan boy.
In addition to the single question that my colleague posed to the minister - to wit: did his office order the attack on Mr. Potter - this reporter would like following questions answered:
1)What happened at the end of the third task of the tri-wizard tournament?
2)Why was Rubeus Hagrid thrown in Azkaban prison in 1993, without a record of a trial or even an arrest?
3)Was Sirius Black ever given a trial? If yes, where are the records? If not, why not?
These questions, dear readers, all have a deeper meaning behind them. Indeed, they are key questions in a book I'm currently writing on Harry Potter. None of them has a clear answer. Look to future editions of The Daily Prophet – your only true source of news - to find out!