THC/The Houses Competition
AO3/FFN: CelesteMagnolia
House: Gryffindor
Class: Charms
Category: Theme
Prompt(s):
[Sense/Theme] Sight
[Action] Struggling to breathe
Word Count: 2086
Title/Link: Wizard Plumbing
Warnings/notes: Discussing puberty. All material kept at 7th/8th grade level understanding (12-14 year old age appropriateness). I pulled the educational information from two sites - the UK government guidances for sexual education for secondary school and CPS (Chicago Public Schools) for middle school (grades 6-8, pupils aged 11-14), to get the language down where I wanted it so that it would reflect what is actually taught to 12 year olds in general.
Other note - this is set in 1992, before the concept of inclusive language was made mainstream. Thus it is a conscious choice to have things specifically listed as "wizards" or "witches" in gendered language rather than "person" language to reflect more modern understandings of gender identity. I am trying to stay "in character/world" for the understanding of sex ed in 1992.
…
"I'm telling you, Molly, those Muggles can't have told him anything about it," Arthur declared. "I know they're a little young - we waited until the other boys were in their third year to tell them - but they should know this sooner rather than later."
"They're only 12! Arthur, that's much too young!"
"They don't need to learn…everything…but enough. Those Muggles won't tell him a thing… it's better he learns from a father…not the boys in his dormitory."
Molly stopped cutting carrots and sighed deeply. "They're young, but it might be time. I've had to wash more of their trunks than I expected to…Ginny already knows what to expect for her body." She stared out where the laundry basket lay, filled with her many sons' - and Harry's - trunks. The boys were growing up fast, and the youngest, particularly Harry, likely needed to know what was happening to his growing, changing body.
"If you're going to do it, it may as well be now," Molly said, while pointing her knife at Arthur. Though an innocent gesture, watching his wife wield the sharp blade didn't make Arthur feel any better. He strode upstairs to his youngest son's bedroom and knocked on the door.
"Yeah?" Ron's voice called from the other side of the door. His voice had gotten deeper since the beginning of his summer holidays; Arthur knew it was time to have an important conversation with him. Harry's voice had deepened slightly, too, but he was still scrawny as ever, whereas Ron had grown taller and heavier in the last year.
"Can I come in, boys?"
"Yeah, dad!"
"Can you help me in the shed, please?" asked Arthur. "Both of you, if you wouldn't mind."
Ron scowled. "Why can't anyone else do it?"
Harry elbowed Ron and gestured for him to stand. Arthur never failed to wonder how a boy treated so poorly by his Muggle family could be so kind and helpful, especially to a family he'd just met.
"What's going on?" George stuck his head out of the door to the twins' bedroom.
"They're going to help me in the shed," said Arthur.
"You don't need our help, do you?" asked Fred.
"See?" Ron argued. "They can help! Harry's a guest - he doesn't need to–"
"It's something only you and Harry can help with," said Arthur awkwardly. "We'll be discussing…plumbing…with Muggle parts."
Fred and George paused momentarily before bursting into raucous laughter. They were struggling to breathe, wheezing and gasping in between their guffaws.
"What's so funny?" demanded Ron.
"N-nothing," George stammered, in between gasps. "I hope helping dad isn't too hard on you!"
Fred burst into another fit of giggles and slammed the door closed.
"I didn't know wizards used Muggle plumbing parts," Harry said absentmindedly. "I reckon they have to. The toilets look the same."
Ron scowled all the way downstairs. Harry, polite as ever, thanked Molly in advance for dinner, and followed Arthur into the shed.
"What do you need help with, Mr. Weasley?" asked Harry. "I don't know what all the parts are used for, but I can try to help."
"Oh, err…I don't really need help. I thought we could have a conversation, just the three of us."
"About what?" Ron said slowly. Harry blanched, peering over his glasses to the place where the enchanted Ford Anglia was parked.
Arthur reached behind him and pulled out a flexible rubber hose. "Harry, has either your aunt or uncle told you anything about how your body changes as you grow up?"
Harry's emerald eyes flew open. He took a step back, shaking his head, while Ron grew a deep shade of crimson.
"Ron, have your brothers said anything?"
"Some…stuff."
"Well, I thought we could have a little chat," Arthur said, while extending the flexible rubber hose in front of them. Both Harry and Ron gaped at the sight; it reminded Arthur of the first time he'd had this conversation with his eldest two sons, Bill and Charlie, when they were thirteen and fifteen.
Bill was already engaging in amorous activities with his girlfriend, prompting Arthur to realize that the boys needed their education a little earlier. Percy had taken it in stride, while the twins laughed for so long they struggled to breathe for long enough to listen to what Arthur was trying to tell them.
Harry and Ron reacted more closely to how Charlie had, although by Charlie's third year, Bill told him enough that Arthur needed to correct their education rather than start anew.
"Why don't you boys sit?" Arthur transfigured two tyres into stools, and the boys sat down, averting their eyes from any sight in the shed.
"We'll start with this," Arthur said, holding the flexible rubber hose up and feeling his face grow hot with slight embarrassment. It was as uncomfortable for him to discuss it as it was for them to hear it, especially with Harry being Ron's friend rather than his own son.
"Look up, boys, please." Arthur held up the hose in front of them. "See this? This is what your manhood looks like most days, doesn't it? Perhaps, at night, it's more like this?" Arthur grabbed a solid copper pipe and knocked his knuckles against its firmness.
"Or maybe in the morning it's like this." Arthur tapped his wand on the copper pipe, and foamy white bubbles emerged from one end. Ron and Harry blushed furiously and averted their eyes from the visual demonstration.
"Do you know what comes out of your manhood in the mornings?"
Neither Harry nor Ron indicated that they knew, so Arthur continued.
"It's called semen - not like men of the sea, you know - and it contains sperm, which are like seeds," Arthur said steadily. "These tiny seeds make babies, but we won't talk about that just yet!"
Ron's ears were crimson. Harry was folded in on himself, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to sink into oblivion.
"If you wake up in the morning and your manhood is like this–" Arthur knocked on the solid copper pipe. "-it's called an erection. If you've got semen in your trunks or trousers, you've had what's called a wet dream. They're very normal for boys your age. It means you're reaching puberty, or the process of becoming sexually mature."
"One day, you'll be able to control when this happens, but I'm afraid that for many years you'll experience arousal without knowing how or why. It usually happens when you're sexually aroused…but not always." Arthur offered them a sheepish smile; it was difficult to explain why erections happened at the strangest times, especially in puberty, but he didn't want them to be alarmed if it happened during their classes.
"All right…now for these." Arthur grabbed two round light bulbs from a pack he'd purchased with the hope of producing electricity. After blasting apart over a dozen light bulbs, he gave up on the experiment and now had only one use for them.
"Look up, boys. This is important," Arthur directed. Ron and Harry reluctantly looked up to where Arthur had arranged the flexible rubber hose with both lightbulbs on one end, to mimic male genitalia.
"Right. So these represent your scrotum - that's where the semen comes from - and the hose is your penis." Arthur moved the flexible hose upwards and straightened it. "When you're aroused, it will look more like this - straight and pointed this way. You see?"
The boys stared at the sight again. Their cheeks were now devoid of color; they nodded feebly at the visual demonstration and sat back down hastily.
"Good. This is all perfectly normal for your age. That's the penis–" Arthur pointed to the hose and then moved to the light bulbs. "-this is the scrotum, and inside are what are called testicles. This is where your semen is produced and it travels out of the penis." Arthur tapped his wand again on the other end of the flexible hose, and the same white, foamy bubbles emerged. "All very normal….any questions?"
Harry and Ron shook their heads violently. They stood, as if to leave, but Arthur shook his head.
"No, boys, we've only discussed your anatomy! We need to discuss witches - women!"
Ron and Harry both sat down with similar expressions of apprehension. Arthur put aside the flexible hose but kept a single light bulb. He then produced three narrower, flexible hoses and arranged them on the table.
The sight didn't look quite correct until he realized what he was missing. He took two small plugs and placed them on the other ends of the narrower tubes.
"Come back here, boys," Arthur called. "It's easier if you see it up close."
Ron had turned a delicate shade of green; Harry looked nauseated, but Arthur pressed on.
"The light bulb in the middle represents something called the uterus. This is where babies grow, if they're in there," Arthur said, pointing to the light bulb. "These tubes on either side are where the witch's seed comes from…or, no." Arthur put his chin in his hand, gazing at the sight of the tubes for a few seconds before wiggling his finger at himself in chastisement.
"These plugs here–" Arthur pointed to the two plugs at the end of the narrower hoses, "-they're called ovaries. This is where the witch's seeds - they're called eggs - come out of. They travel through here and into here."
He summoned a pebble and stuck it inside the narrower tube, flicking his wand so that it traveled from one end to the other, until it reached the top of the light bulb. "It goes here about once a month. It needs the other seed - the sperm I mentioned earlier - to make a baby."
"So about once a month…sometimes it's a little wonky, depending on the witch…your mum was regular as rain…" Arthur said absentmindedly, as Harry and Ron both blushed crimson again. Arthur flicked his wand at the lightbulb, filling it with red foam. "Err…imagine that's blood…it makes a nest for the baby, but if there's no baby–"
The red foam disappeared from the bulb and instead trailed down through the third hose below it. "Witches - women, Muggles do this too - release this if there's no baby and the cycle restarts," Arthur explained. "There are potions and charms to tinker with if need be…any questions?"
Harry and Ron shook their heads more furiously than before. They again stood to leave, but Arthur stopped them.
"Perhaps we should discuss how the seeds get in there…" Arthur pointed to the light bulb that was now empty and gestured to the larger, more flexible rubber hose.
"No!" Ron shouted. "No!"
"You already know?" asked Arthur, both mildly annoyed and relieved that his older sons had told his youngest.
"Another day…I feel sick," Ron said weakly, looking as if he were struggling to breathe in the humid August heat. "That foam…I didn't like looking at it."
"Ah, well. It'll get better with age," Arthur said brightly. "When your mum and I–"
Ron didn't bother listening to the rest of Arthur's thoughts, as he took off as fast as his legs could take him back to the Burrow. This left Harry, clammy and sweaty, alone with Arthur in the shed.
"Your aunt and uncle will know this, Harry," said Arthur. "I'm sure they could tell you about their own experiences with–"
Harry bolted from the spot, following Ron's lead.
Arthur sighed and put the visuals away. Perhaps Molly had been right, after all. The boys weren't ready to see how their bodies would change just yet. Better luck next year, he thought, when he might need to tell them exactly how babies are made.
He went back into the kitchen, where Molly was waiting for him with an arched brow.
"How did it go? I barely saw their faces."
"About as well as it did with Charlie," Arthur said cheerfully, before helping himself to a biscuit.
Molly blinked at him several times. "Charlie didn't talk to us or look anyone in the eye for two days."
"He came around though, didn't he?"
"He says he's too busy for relationships when he has dragons," Molly said impatiently.
"There are worse outcomes…as long as they don't start riding dragons, we'll be in fine shape, Molly. You'll see."
"We'll see, indeed." Molly returned to dinner preparations, sure she'd have another basket of laundry waiting for her by the end of the night.