Disclaimer: All characters belong to J K Rowling.

(A/N - To my guest reviewer, there is a scene in the upcoming chapters that shows that Snape has matured and he would do anything to protect Lily and his baby. Thank you for reviewing!)

March 1980

The last few months have been a whirlwind. Severus and I wanted to get married before the baby was born, but we discredited how much planning a wedding takes. There are so many aspects to deal with, and I don't how we would've done it without the help of a few other Death Eaters like Lucius and Narcissa.

They've been kind to let us stay in their house while we figured out housing arrangements of our own. Severus' mother passed away a few months ago, and he inherited the house. This makes me wonder both his mother and my parents died around the same time and live relatively near each other. Coincidence? I think not. Severus thinks it's the pregnancy hormones making me paranoid. It probably is.

The house is in shambles, so we can't move in right away. We're working on renovating the house, although I haven't been able to visit it yet because 'I need to rest for the baby'. That's Severus. I know he has good intentions, but he doesn't need to hover so much!

While all these preparations were going on, there was one person I wanted to write to. James. I haven't spoken with him or the Order ever since January when I (well, Severus) found out that there was a prophecy about the one who will defeat Voldemort. But apparently, Dumbledore was the one given it, and Severus had overheard it.

I wasn't able to tell him the news of my pregnancy then. I knew he would be crushed as this interferes with our plans for the future, the ones made by two seventeen-year-olds in love. We would get married, move into a house on Godric's Hollow, have two kids and a cat (I wanted a dog, but J

James said one was more than enough. I don't know what that meant).

Even though I knew James couldn't attend the wedding, I wanted him to hear it from me and not a Daily Prophet article. So, a week before the wedding, I sat down at a desk in the Malfoy's guest room and started writing:

Dear James,

At that moment, Severus burst into the room carrying a tiny vial. He has been concocting potions for me to help with nausea that comes with having a baby growing inside you. He handed it to me. "Who are you writing to?"

"Uh, no one," I blurted out, trying to hide the letter. Severus narrowed his eyes and grabbed the paper from under my arms. Fire burned in his eyes as he read James' name. "What is this, Lily? Why are you writing to him? I thought you both weren't on speaking terms anymore."

"We aren't. I just wanted to inform James about the wedding beforehand. You know so that he doesn't make a scene or whatever when he reads it in the paper." Severus didn't buy the excuse. "Lily, I don't understand. Can't you see that he's a toxic person?"

"Toxic? James loved to pull my pigtails, but I wouldn't call him toxic," I protested. Severus shook his head, "That's because you can't see behind the false pretence he puts up. You're better off without him, Lily."

"Severus, just because of a silly school-boy grudge, you can't go telling people that! It's not like he's Voldemort or something, is he?" I was fed up with them fighting. Sure, they didn't get along in school, So what? They are grown adults now. They need to act like it.

"Trust me, Lily, you don't know everything about him," Severus told me gravely. "So tell me!" I yelled, "Tell me why James is this god awful person you see in your head!"

"Fine! Did you know he and his little friends tried to kill me? That's right, kill me! They told me to go to the Whomping Willow to see where that Lupin disappeared off to every month. He was a werewolf. I would have been killed if your little James hadn't got cold feet. James Potter is an arrogant, big-headed fool who plays practical jokes on others, never caring whether or not they would be killed."

Severus finished his rant by looking at me eye-to-eye and asking," Now, do you understand?" I nodded quietly. James never told me this story when I asked him the same question, nor did he tell me that Remus was a werewolf. I suspected, of course, but my theories were never confirmed.

Maybe Severus was right, and James wasn't who I thought he was. I wonder what other secrets he has kept from me. I whisper to Severus, "Okay, I trust you. But I don't want him to be angry when he realises I didn't tell him about the wedding or the baby."

Severus answered that it was alright and left the room. I think he knew that I just needed some space to process all this. I took out another piece of parchment and started writing again. I used the code James had created years ago:

Dear James,

iT hAs beEn a lOng timE siNce we'Ve talkEd. i'Ve beeN Busy bUt i dIdn't telL yoU wHy laSt tIme. seVerus anD i arE gettIng maRried Next weEk aNd iN a feW Months, wE arE goiNg tO hAve a babY. i'M soRry i diDn't telL yOu befoRe. No, yOu don'T haVe aN invItation tO tHe weddIng, i jUst wanTed tO teLl yoU befOre yOu saW iT iN tHe News paPer.

Lily

(A/N- Go to chapter 2 to know what the code is and try to figure out the hidden message)

I sent it and sighed. At the start of this mission, I thought I would pretend to love Severus, gather information, defeat Voldemort and start to live the life I dreamed up with James. But now, I don't have to pretend, and my life with James will always remain a dream.