Prologue
Her finger slowly followed the raindrop making an erratic path down the window glass. A tear seemed to mimic the droplet of rain as it slid down her cheek. She had cried so many tears in the last few hours causing redness and burning on her face. Her eyelashes fluttered before she pressed her face against the glass of the window. The coolness of the glass was welcomed against her tear-drenched skin. She drew in a shattered breath trying to pull herself together. She failed.
It seemed like this week was full of failures. Never-ending moments of the reality of failing when she had needed to handle things correctly. The way she was taught to handle things by him. Especially now, Lucy needed to handle things like Tim would expect her to.
The soft sound of the machine caused her to pull her face from touching the window. Lucy watched his chest rise and fall keeping rhythm with the machine. If it weren't for the tubes, Lucy could pretend that Tim was breathing on his own. She could pretend that today didn't happen. She could pretend that Tim was awake so he could help her. She felt so selfish about needing him and his guidance when he lay there so still. So very still.
Lucy's heart fluttered at the thought that this would be a great Tim test, if only it was. But it wasn't. It was real!
With a deep swallow of bile that burned her throat, Lucy took Tim's hand. She whispered almost inaudibly.
"Tim, please wake up. I need you to tell me how to feel. What to do in this situation". Lucy bit her lip so hard that it caused a trickle of blood to stain her already red lips. "I need you to tell me how to handle the fact I killed someone today. I need you to tell me it is okay not to care that I killed someone. Please, Tim, please tell me I'm not a monster because all I keep thinking is I wish I had killed a few seconds earlier."
That was the reality of it. Lucy had killed someone. She needed Tim to help her face the reality of that fact.
