Chapter 10


This is becoming ridiculous now; it has to stop.

While she's having dinner with her parents, she can't be thinking about anything that's not being here, active and present with them. She needs to listen, she needs to pay attention and invest in being with them for this time. It'll only be a matter of time before Harry and Ron start writing her, asking her to spend the last portion of the summer with them. Not to mention Viktor. He definitely expects her letters, if she doesn't remember. In short, there are more important things for her to occupy her time with, than thinking about Snape.

Besides, it's been two weeks since the incident, for goodness' sake, she needs to get over it. But then, can she really get over it?

There's too much in that singular incident with Snape, for her to simply get over. Again and again, she's gone through it in her head, and the conclusion has been the same; only Snape can truly answer her. From how defeatedly he'd entered the classroom, to him taking up that position on the floor, and then hurriedly scrambling off the floor to draw his wand on her – only he'd be able to tell her why that happened. She's come up with her own theories, of course, with the help of what was revealed afterwards, but even so, she's not satisfied with them.

What about that thing on his arm as well? What could that possibly mean about him? Why did he show it to her? Did he know anything about what happened at the World Cup, then? And the Death Eaters? Is he…?

No. Just no.

She can't think about that. And no, she can't sacrifice every sporadic moment of the day to wonder about Snape. He's nothing to her. All right, well, he's her teacher and she has a level of respect for him, but he still remains nothing to her. After what she did to him, she'll never have his approval anyway, so she has to stop thinking about him. She has to occupy her mind with something else. Immediately, she has to.

'Are we going on holiday?' she asks her parents all of a sudden.

Whether or not its related to what they'd been discussing over their meal, she can't say, she can only be grateful that it's at least a distraction from the thoughts in her head.

Her mother, first looking from her to her husband, answers that, 'Dad and I were thinking that we could visit Australia this summer. We think it would be lovely.'

'Hmm,' her father agrees with a small nod. 'We could rent a house by the beach. You had dreams of living near a beach when you were younger, remember?'

Yes, she does remember, which is why she only smiles at him. She used to draw pictures of houses by the beach when she was younger, always telling her parents that when she was older, she'd live in a house by the beach. Her parents have always been so attentive to her, even now when they spend most of the year apart.

'And if we go early, you could still come back to spend a week at The Burrow with your friends before school begins again,' he adds.

'Australia is quite nice,' she begins to tell them. 'I've read about it.'

Thank her parents for this. Now at least, she has something else to think about. She can't very well keep Snape and Australia equally in her head, can she? Maybe later, she'll have more of an opportunity to fit Snape somewhere into her thoughts, but for now, she's thankfully spared from it.


26Chapters


She's beginning to wonder if it wouldn't have been better to wait until Grimmauld Place, to come to Diagon Alley. You know, to come with Harry and Ronald's entire family. Really, if she'd just waited to come with her friends, she would've had a better distraction than she does with her parents. Honestly, this is the fifth time that she's mentally telling herself to pull herself together, and how highly unlikely it is that Snape will all of a sudden pop up from the air in Diagon Alley.

She's being ridiculous, of course, thinking about Snape at all. Although, she reasons with herself, it's not so ridiculous to have Snape in her thoughts while back here in the wizarding world. In the world of witches and wizards, Professor Severus Snape is very much a possible reality, and the thought of seeing him, makes her feel anxious. So anxious that she can't help looking around every other second. Would it really have killed her to wait until after Australia to get her school supplies with the Weasleys and Harry?

Oh dear. She can be quite unreasonable at times, can't she?

'Hermione, what are you looking for?' her mother asks by tapping her on the shoulder. 'Didn't we get everything on the list?'

'We have everything,' she answers her mother.

She also avoids fully turning around to face her, in the rare case that somehow, she'll meet the face of Severus Snape right behind her mother.

'Then why do you keep looking around?'

Oh, that? She noticed? Well, it's no big reason, really.

'I just thought that I'd see someone from school,' she tells her mother, still not looking at her.

Someone by the name of Snape. That part she leaves out, because otherwise she'd have to explain to her parents why she's afraid of Snape, when she's only ever been stuck between being frustrated with him and hoping to gain his commendation. If she mentions Snape to them, she'll be forced to admit that she's not even begun to deal with her own feelings about the thing that happened between them, not excluding her own actions where he is concerned.

'Perhaps if we go over to the ice-cream place,' her father suggests, coming to stand beside her and placing a loving hand on her shoulder. 'Some of your schoolmates are bound to be there.'

'No!' she hastily lets out, just as hastily looking at him.

Her father doesn't understand, she can't go around Diagon Alley like she's fearless. The more time and shops that she visits here, the more that she's at risk of running into him, and then she'll be forced to cry. Honestly, with the anxiety that she feels, she doesn't believe herself resistant to tears if Snape suddenly appears before her.

'No?' her mother worriedly asks. 'Are you sure?'

'Uh-hum,' she sounds, vigorously moving her head up and down. 'We can go home after this.'


26Chapters


Nothing is the same anymore. Not between them.

He did something to her at a time when she was afraid and looking for a single moment of mature comfort, and what he did forced her to react without thinking, and now nothing's the same. Everything's changed. She would like to say that everything's lost, although to be fair, there'd been nothing of substance between them to be lost. Thus, she can only say that everything's changed, to the point where she can't even look at him.

Only a moment ago, her eyes caught a glimpse of him when he passed by the kitchen for the front door, and instantly, like he was a troll, she spun her head away from that direction. Her dear heart, upon realising what had just taken place, made an unsteady leap as though to flee from her chest. Surely, she wouldn't die at the sight of her Professor, would she? Especially not when she's known about him possibly coming to Grimmauld Place. She'd prepared herself for his appearance, and yet her first glimpse of him rendered her completely unprepared. That is not how she'd planned for it go.

He's ruining her life, she thinks.

He mentally followed her to Australia and now he's here, when he's not supposed to be. She's not ready to see him. Not yet anyway.

She wonders if he's through the front door already. It would sure help her calm down some if she knows that he's no longer here. It'll give her the necessary time right before Ron and his brothers come back from bringing Harry over here, to settle everything in her head. Before school starts and seeing him becomes a constant, she'll need to have resolved what she did to him, what he did to her as well, and then only will she be courageous enough to face whatever unpleasantry he will have waiting for her.

But, school's still a week from now. She can wait a little bit more to resolve her Snape issue, can't she?


26Chapters


The day has come.

She's put it off for as long as she could, at her own discomfort at that, but no longer. Two days to school starting should be enough for her. She's enjoyed her holiday, both with her parents and then her friends, leaving Snape the only duty to resolve. To be absolutely thorough, there shouldn't be anything that she leaves out. Everything, from his actions to her own reactions, all the in-betweens and the possible ways forward, has to be detailed in her own mind. If she doesn't work it all out, she'll forever be stuck in a phase of being uncomfortable and avoiding Snape.

All right, she breathes in, preparing herself, she should begin.

As she would with anything that's not straightforward, she opens her personal notebook - a gift from her father for the new study year- to the first page and she comfortably settles herself at the desk in the library. The one thing about that she can appreciate about the people in the house, is that they wouldn't dare disturb her when she's fully immersed in anything resembling a book. That's at least a comfort to know that no one will attempt to bother her while she's working out her private battle.

Main points. She needs to jot those down. They're a good place as any to start with.

- The Mark. His Mark, rather. That's number one. That subject, she'll have to leave for last. It's too much, probably too complicated as well.

- Hate and trust. Between hating him for what he did or what he had been in the past (maybe) and trusting him, which is it? Why is it?

- Why did she tell him about her Voldemort fears? It seemed like the most natural thing to do at the time, seeing as he'd asked for her reason for being there, apart from looking like he needed someone to understand him.

- What had she expected from him? Confessing as she did, what did she think would come from it?

- Would she really have used her wand against him? This too needs more time.

- Does she fear him?

- Potions outside of class.

- Her attitude going back to school, what will that be like?

Good, the main points are on paper. Two days should be enough to sort all of those out, as well as any other small points that may occur to her while she's going in depth.

Two days.

They're enough.

They have to be.