Chapter 20


Her reflection comes upon her as suddenly as an unprepared test would. Just as suddenly as the image appears, she sits up in her bed, the frantic sound of her own breathing convincing her that she has indeed deviated from her mental study. Out of absolutely nowhere, the DA images of Harry teaching them morphed into her sitting across Professor in the kitchen. That by itself would not have been such a disturbing thing, if that image did not change into solely her image self staring right into the eyes of her spectator self, archaic reproach etched into her.

It's shocking. Chilling, really. And very frightening.

Her reflection is something that she sees only in the mirror when she's purposely looking to see it, not in the middle of a pleasant mind study session in the safety of her own bed. As she shouldn't, she doesn't know what to make of this occurrence and rightfully so, she is frightened beyond her normal ability by it. Is it a form of divination coming upon her? Or maybe a premonition? Neither are accurate fields of study, so what is she to make of it?

A witch, she is, that is certain. Adequately capable as a witch, that she also is. But she's never been interested in the realm of mysticism in spite of being a present member of the magical world. Neither has she ever needed that foolery to help her along in her journey as a witch. And yet, for what reason did that image appear to her in the sudden way in which it did?

Think, Hermione, think!

What'd be a logical explanation to what just happened, excluding the foolishness that's divination?

DA meetings are essentially lessons. Maybe not the most traditional, well thought out and structured lessons, but they are lessons in the way that matters. Sitting with Professor Snape in the kitchen does not count as a lesson, not in the least, although... No, that could never be referred to as a lesson and so eliminates that likeness between them. Can it be the informality in both then, that's transitioned them one after the other? Unless, of course, she equates Snape to Harry in profession, (which she does not) there should be no correlation between the two images enough for them to switch so suddenly in her mind.

So then what?

Concentrate on this!

If there's no connection at all, what could the message be then? Why would she be frightened like this, if there's no message behind what just happened in her mind? That look on her own face spoke of much disapproval, so much warning, she believes. Her reflection spoke no words, made no sounds either, but if she were asked to translate that expression into words, she'd say... Disapproval of where she was, maybe? To stop where she was? Where she is, she supposes?

But where is she?

Hogwarts, yes, however, that cannot be it – it would mean that she'd have to leave school altogether. It's also not DA, since she'd long ago fought with herself concerning DA and that effectively removes being in and part of DA as where she is. Those two possibilities taken out, that only leaves her with Snape. Come to think of it, actually, the unpleased look had been from her kitchen image, and most likely, that's what she should be focusing on for now. If and when she comes up empty with that image, then only she'll go back to comparing the two side by side.

To do as she just recommended herself to, she closes her eyes to begin evening out her breathing. The first step to concentrating is being in control of the body. One breath in. A second one out. The third breath in. And the last one out. All right, she's fine. She knows what to do now. Starting with the kitchen image, she will need to go over every detail until something that joins the two together occurs to her. If she doesn't get any sleep tonight, she'll make sure that the time's well spent, to interpret her own mind without reaching the conclusion of divination.

All right, begin.

One by one and with precise note taking, her mind goes over the actions, words and feelings from the kitchen image. Now that she is removed from the moment, recalling it as an observer rather than living through it, she's able to see objectively. From her objective view, fairly fast into the review, she starts piecing things together, that by the end of the scene, her conclusion is all the answer needed to solve her sudden jolt from studying.

How could she have been so foolish as to not realise it before?

She has been too daring, too out of place, behaving that way with a teacher. The simple disrespect first of all, of not getting up when he joined her. Would she really have comfortably sat there had Snape been the Headmaster or McGonagall? She might not have jumped up in fright, but she certainly would not have kept them company unless they asked her to stay and discuss a certain topic.

That's what it is.

Her image self was disapproving of what she's become; a thoughtless student with no sense of borders. Her Muggle driver instructor once told her that the markings and lines drawn on the road are there to keep cars –and people, by extension- safe within them. Once a driver decides that they will not respect the markings, they put not only themselves at risk, but other people in danger too. All it takes, the instructor had said to her, is one person's carelessness to destroy the lives of many. Borders are important.

And there you have it, Hermione. Snape is your teacher, not your peer and much less your friend. He is no Harry to you. Remember that.

And anyway, who gave her the right to fraternise with her teachers? She knows very well that there are corridors in Hogwarts in which she cannot walk, corridors where she is forbidden from entering. This teacher and student thing should not be any different. Professor Snape is a teacher and as a teacher, he is like one of those forbidden corridors. If she starts fraternising with the teachers, she might as well begin sitting at their table, as their peer.

That, in the kitchen, as she saw through her observer eyes, is very different from anything that has ever happened between them. Her inner self must have realised it, hence the warning now.

Oh, what has she done?


26Chapters


Over the following week, she determines herself to not change, only be an outsider to her interactions with Professor Snape as well. The first two days went by as they should have, routinely the same. She expected nothing to be different when even after Harry's lessons had stopped, she carried on as though nothing happened, and so did Professor Snape. These last three days, however, are quite different. Confusing too.

It's that recently, Professor Snape is absent whenever they are in the same room and alone. His body is always there, but never more than that. It's nearly like he wants no part with her, because he never looks at her anymore. Apart from the curt greeting that is her name from his mouth, he pays her no mind. She can't even remember the last time that they were in proximity with each other, because whenever she's tried to secretly move closer to him, he found a way to avoid her.

All that's confusing to her. Has he thought about it too and realised that she's gotten away with too much when it comes to him? Every sign seems to point to that idea and it does not sit well with her. At the very least, he should have called her and told her what it is, not treat her as though she's barely important. Even when she wasn't brewing, he treated her better than how he's been treating her now. From sharing jokes with her to completely cutting her off, is completely hurtful.

She will need to test him soon. But first, she needs the opinion of an outsider, someone not involved in her dealings with Professor Snape.


26Chapters


At lunch, she convinces Ron that she needs to speak to Harry alone and they would be right along if he could just wait ten minutes. Ron is not pleased, but he budges and leave them to be.

'Harry, I want you to tell me the truth, all right?' she wholeheartedly requests, turning all of her attention to him.

'It's about Snape, isn't it?'

Seeing as even he doesn't seem surprised at his own question, she meekly nods, taking note that maybe the whole school's noticed, if Harry just pointed it out to her with no help from her.

'I figured that's the only reason you'd not want Ron around,' he sounds to agree or maybe sympathise as he explains why he immediately thought of Professor Snape.

He's right, obviously about Ron. Ron would have either made fun or the entire thing or simply not have taken her seriously, unlike Harry. Strangely, as much as Harry dislikes Professor Snape, he hasn't once condemned her for choosing to brew. He's made wayward remarks about her and the professor a few times, but he has never made her feel uncomfortable. That is why she is choosing him as he primary interviewee. He does not have the proper ability to be unbiased, but he at least has the ability to be honest and give her his honest thoughts with more tact than Ron ever could.

'Ron doesn't listen,' she justifies her choice. 'All he thinks is that Professor Snape's forcing me or something.'

Chuckling a little, he agrees with her, saying, 'Yeah,' and then, 'So what do you want to know?'

Well... The phrasing is going to be the harder part of all of this, she recognises. What she really wants to know is if he's caught any suspicious behaviour from her concerning their Professor. She wants to hear him tell her that she's been too liberal with him, without outright asking that of him.

'I've been feeling that I disrespect him a lot, actually, that's what,' she chooses to say.

In a way, she is being truthful. Disrespect does not always mean being overtly rude and defiant, it can also mean the absence of due respect.

'I don't think you do, Hermione,' he tells her. 'He doesn't act like you do. I watch him a lot, you.'

That's not at all as comforting as it should be, which is why she insists that, 'I feel like I do.'

'You don't,' he softly assures her. 'Or maybe you do,' he seems to reconsider, 'and he just happens to like it.'

What nonsense! It makes her smile, nonetheless, that Harry could be humorous when she least expects him to be. She's appreciative of him, to be honest. Even though he doesn't like Professor Snape, he still stayed an listened to her, and so with that appreciation, she reaches over and pulls him into a tight hug.

'Thanks, Harry.'


26Chapters


It's unlike her and she understands that she's doing something wrong, but for the sake of being true to what she told herself, she arrives late to brewing. In her ponderings, she reasoned that to truly assess her relationship with the Potions teacher, she would have to do this. On a normal day, she wouldn't dare be late. In fact, in the earlier days, Professor Snape had not been a necessarily tolerant man and would use any opportunity to remind her that she chose and begged to come to him, and was proving to be unworthy. She would like to see if the same still stands now that he seems to have gone back to that time.

As of late, she's managed to tone herself down to just the actual necessary interactions with him, and there have been no repeat incidents of book borrowing, tea having, touching, none of that. Although, she can't exactly say that it's due to her own distance, when the professor has been going around differently these days. Of course, she doesn't know him, not even a little bit, but she has been observing him. He's just been different and on top of attempting to test him and where they stand, she'll also get to see if something is the matter with him, according to his response.

Set in the quest, she enters his class without knocking (on purpose) and as she walks into the classroom, begins to apologise for not arriving on time.

'I'm sorry that I am late, Professor.'

She carefully keeps her eyes on him as she tells him the lie, watching to see if he will lift his head from his work, and hoping that he will remark about it. He does lift his head, looking at her for only a small moment, but then he returns to being as he was.

He does not care. If he did care, he would have said something. Anything.

That makes her feel something. He utterly does not care then! It's true. But... Does he just not care, because he couldn't be bothered with her anymore or does he not care, because there's something the matter with him? She can't leave it like this. She feels something, something uncomfortable. Something like being lost in a forest, surrounded by darkness with no one there to help her.

'Sir?'

To respond, he only looks up at her. She would like for him to say something to her, and the fact that he doesn't makes her feel worse. The easiest thing for her to do, would be to ask him if he is all right, but the reasoning that she's forced herself to accept, reminds her that she is in the place of a student in his presence and should not forget that. For that reason, she swallows what and how she feels, pushing her curious concern out of her, to instead walk to her work station.

He can interpret her behaviour whichever way he wants, she decides. She shouldn't care anyway. Maybe she should remember her place, after all. She looks at him and wants him to pay attention to her. She notices then that he is no longer in the room and that makes her feel stupid. What did she think, that she could confront him and he would listen to her?

Well, yes, that was exactly what she thought.

There used to be a time when he gave her his attention.


26Chapters


On purpose, she misses the next two brewing sessions, just to see if he would say anything to her about them. When he does not, she catches him before he can leave Potions class. She no longer feels that she can be around him, if he's not going to care that she exists. She will not go through what she went through because of S.P.E.W all over again. She cannot be invested in something that no one else cares about. Not again.

'Professor Snape, I would like to talk to you.'

To her surprise, he stops writing on his parchment to give her visual attention. Although not a first for him, after her observation this week, it means very much to her that he's responding this way. But then, there's a resentful part of her that can't help it wonder why he's paying attention her now, at the very end.

'What is it?' he asks, giving off the impression that he's experiencing his own wonder at her presence.

He has no right to wonder about her now, when he hasn't done it when it mattered to her.

'I don't want to continue brewing potions anymore.'

It's better this way, she reminds herself after the words have left her mouth. Something as important as this should be tackled without ducking around. Also, she'd not like to linger in here with him.

'Why?'

Good. This is going well. He seems to be taking her seriously.

'I don't want to continue brewing anymore,' she says, trying to keep her voice even, knowing that he will not accept that answer.

At first, he only looks about his desk. To another person, it would seem that he's looking for something and maybe he is looking for something, but she's spent time with him. He does not look for things that he can simply summon to himself! What he might be doing, is gathering himself together for what he may believe is going to be a long conversation between them. He's wrong if that's what he's thinking, because this will not be a drawn out argument between them. She will quit and then she will leave.

'You are repeating what you have already said,' he says at last, abandoning his show of looking around his desk to lean towards her.

'That's my reason, Professor,' she insists, making sure to keep her eyes on his.

The gesture was to be the assurance of her decision, only, he breaks the contact with her as at the same time, he pushes out of his chair onto his feet. Still then, his eyes do not return to her, not even when he goes around the table, coming to stand right in front of her. She continues to watch his face, not daring to lose the moment in which he will look at her once again. Stubbornly, he keeps his gaze lowered, nearly like he is denying her his most effective form of attention while giving her all the attention that she could have hoped for.

'Your reason,' he says, the sound of his voice a low and unconvinced test of a thing.

'Yes, sir,' she responds, knowing that he'd not been asking but still looking for a reason to have him look at her.

Why not look at her, when he clearly has no problem this close to her? Should she step back from him, then? Would he like that?

'I do not believe you,' he tells her, lifting his eyes to hers only at the last word. 'Now tell me why you want to stop.'

She can't tell him that. Doesn't he know? He can't know that she's behaving like this all because he seems not to notice her lately.

'Isn't this what you wanted from the beginning?' she opts to let out instead; it's the safer alternative.

Nothing on his face gives his emotions away, although when he asks, 'What did I, according to you, want from the beginning?' she gets the deepest sense that he is challenging her to say precisely the wrong thing.

How can she answer him now?

She's not the one in the wrong. Her only plan had been to re-establish a teacher and student relationship between them as it had been in the beginning. That same beginning when he gave her only rude responses and ignored her for the most part. That would be safer for her, she thinks. Like that, she wouldn't have to be this way with him. In her mind, it's not clear as to why he has been treating her this way, whereas her own reasons are perfectly reasonable.

'I don't want to brew anymore, Professor,' she settles on saying. 'Please.'

'You've said,' he agrees, 'but you fail to tell me why.'

He's being impossible. Can't he see? Does he want to humiliate her so?

Most probably, he all along made her get comfortable around him with the purpose of this moment being more effective in hurting her pride. What's truly terrible about that, is that she can't even be angry with him, when she's allowed it to be so. It stings to know, nonetheless. Here she thought that she'd give him his respect back, all the while he's probably been plotting on the best way to humiliate her, after all.

'I told you why,' she continues to insist, not very far from crying if he keeps on with this.

'Miss Granger, tell me, are you enjoying this?'

There's a note of sheer wonder in his tone that's nowhere to be found on his face, in his eyes either. And then, just as she is mentally teetering on the subject of his other reactions that are not anger and how greatly they unsettle her, he brings out his wand. With the tip of it, he touches the side of his temple and lightly waves it once, saying, 'Expecto Patronum.'

His Patronus, a doe, comes to life before them, staring right at him; waiting, she assumes –according to what she's read about sending messages with one's Patronus. To it, he says, 'Sybil' before it immediately disappears from sight. Never has she seen any of the teachers cast a Patronus before and as tempted as she is to confirm that he just sent a message with his Patronus, she remains silent.

Another thing about that message... Trelawney again? Why is she suddenly all that comes up when they are together? Is it to rub it in her face that she's not the only one who he has interactions with? Well, she's not affected by what he does or does not do with that woman. She only came here to give up brewing and nothing else.

'Do I need to repeat myself?' he asks, turning his attention back to her.

That's not at all fair. He didn't give her a chance to respond, because of that Patronus message of his. Besides, she-

'Would you like that I get on my knees to extract an answer from you, perhaps?'

'I only want to focus on my exams Professor,' she answers him at last, urged mostly by his choice of words.

Extract, really? One would hear him and think that this is a difficult process for him, that getting any words from her is nearly impossible, when that's not the case at all.

'If you are going to lie to me,' he says after letting out a small sigh, 'please attempt better than that.'

Why won't he just let her go?

'I'll be late for my next class, Professor.'

'This will be a tradition, then?' he says as though accepting what he just said. 'You'll find an excuse to not come back at the end of each term, and then have me run after you the following term?'

'That's not what I'm doing,' she replies shortly. 'You said that I could end brewing if I wanted to.'

'You have failed to give me a reason why, Miss Granger. Forgive me if I am inclined to believe that you are playing games. Are you so fast to discount everything that has transpired since you began brewing?'

'That's not what I'm doing!'

Lightly shrugging like he doesn't believe her, he requests, 'Then tell me what you are doing.'

Perfectly still, patient looking, he waits for her to say something to him, and really, she finds that she can only tell him what he doesn't want to hear.

'I'm going to be late for class.'

By all that's sacred to her, if she could have guessed that his face would break into the smallest flicker of pain, with his eyes just barely drawing closer together, making his cheeks appear just that little bit narrower and the outline of his lips a thin frame to minimally puffier lips, she would have kept her mouth tightly shut. The foreknowledge of his eyes, scantily glossy with an unnameable emotion, would have surely stopped her from saying anything. Seeing this Professor Snape is... She doesn't like it.

'Very well,' he breathes as if tired. 'Your brewing is at an end, Mss Granger.'

Because she can't think of what else to say, she goes with, 'Excuse me, then, Professor,' only to remain where she is.

'Excuse me, Miss Granger,' he bids and just like that, he moves back around to the table.

Without the use of his wand, he gathers up his parchment and quill, rolls it up and then leaves for the door. At a loss as to how she really feels, she is only able to watch as everything happens while she remains in the same spot. Overwhelmingly, she wants to cry. For... She doesn't know what, but she wants to cry.

Is this really it, then, he will really just allow this? Does he really not care that he just let her stop brewing? He could at least have shook her hand to seal the agreement, not just left her here.

Oh.

She really does want to cry.


26Chapters


She thought that Harry had given up on the whole idea of Volde- the Dark Lord being in his head, but here she is, doing this -breaking a significant amount of school rules. It's useless to think about now that she's walking into the Forbidden Forest, but she wishes that she'd had proper time to speak to Professor Snape in private. Of course, he wouldn't have listened to any of them in front of Umbridge like that, but maybe to her in private, he would've. Or maybe not, she reminds herself. They haven't spoken in what feels like ages and really, she can't really blame him for denying anything.