Chapter 26
This is not how her life should be like. This late at night, when everyone is asleep, deeply asleep at that, is not when she should be lying awake. Well, if she were to be up late like this, it should only be related to school and books. Information and knowledge. She is not supposed to be kept up thinking about her earlier interaction with Professor Snape.
Books and school are what should be in her thoughts now. And if she wants to think about boys, she can think about Ronald. She's liked him for years now and he's Ronald. Not Professor Snape. Not that feeling when they met eyes. Or that other one when she saw him for the first time.
But who is she trying to fool, really in this darkness? How many fights has she had with Ron over Professor Snape now? Also, would she be real if she didn't reflect on Professor Snape even a little bit?
He told her that he cares.
He held her arm and she did the same with his.
All of this outside of school!
Oh, this staying up like won't be fun at all. Not when she can't pull herself together enough to think properly.
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The result of not organising her thoughts, is this. A dream, meaningless really, of her and Professor Snape. And so close to dawn even, when she's just beginning to fall asleep. Wonderful, she won't be getting much sleep, it looks like. She might as well go over the dream and try to find a meaning.
It happened in a long corridor at Hogwarts. They met by chance and she's pretty sure that there were people close by when they met. They said their greetings to each other and then shook hands before going on their separate ways. They met again later and this time he lifted her off the ground into a hug. Caught by surprise, she didn't hug him back, mostly concerned with his hot hands on her buttocks. And then she woke up.
That was a very nonsensical dream, if she may say so. If it were words, it would be gibberish.
Why did his hands have to keep her steady there, on her buttocks? And why to magic, does she still feel the heat of his hands on her bum even after the dream has ended?
What, did she just have a wet dream about her professor?
Is she at the age where sex becomes important to her body?
Oh, this is terrible.
If she was back at home, she would have locked herself away in the bathroom to study her own body for sexual changes, but she can't do that here. Even if she's able to get privacy in the bathroom, she's in a house full of witches and wizards, with a pair of those wizards being nosy pranksters.
What should she do?
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'Morning, Snape's favourite,' one of the twins whispers into her ear, bringing his arm around her front to keep her trapped that way.
'George!' she exclaims without knowing who it really is. 'Let go of me.'
He took her by surprise, and well, after the early morning dream that she had, she doesn't need anyone speaking to her about that man. At least, not until she has mapped him out in a diagram and assigned him his due part in her thoughts.
'We're twenty Galleons richer because of you Miss Granger,' he responds, only lightly loosening his hold.
'Will you let that go already?'
They didn't let her rest yesterday, instantly flocking to her the moment that Professor Snape disappeared. Was that not enough? Besides, this morning is not a good time for her.
'Only if you say so,' he answers and then plants a kiss on her cheek.
Following the kiss, she giggles only to stop short when she catches Ron looking at them, instantly sobering her.
'Let go,' she urgently whispers, shrugging herself from George's grasp as well.
It's daft that Ron standing there with his eyes half asleep and yet open enough to catch what's going on, has her feeling as though she's doing something wrong. It's not her fault that his own brother likes to joke around. She feels bad, nonetheless.
'Hi, Ron,' she quietly greets.
'Mornin',' Ron mutters.
'See you at breakfast?' she offers, already beginning to retreat from the bathroom.
'Yeah,' he quietly agrees as they brush past each other in the doorway.
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All right, she has a moment alone.
She's seen her disappointing exam results and everything to do with school is sorted.
All that remains is Professor Snape. She has to sort out her relationship with her teacher.
To begin with, she's had some questionable moments with him. She's argued with him, pushed him and shouted at him more than she has ever done to any teacher in her life. She's had civil moments with him as well, when he didn't demean her, but is it right? Is she supposed to have that sort of relationship with her teacher?
She's been rude, angry and physical with him, and yet the way that she is going, anyone would mistake them for friends.
When she went to see him at the end of the previous school year, she had wanted him to know how she felt. She'd felt so vulnerable then, like she needed protection, and since he had offered to help her with any aftereffects of the curse, she latched onto his offer and went looking for him.
He apparently does, to some degree, care about her.
And that? What should she make of it? Is it real? Is he pretending to care?
She's getting nowhere now than she did before.
It's disheartening to be honest.
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That she will be going back to school in a two days is very thrilling to her. Thrilling and frightening at the same time. There's so much to be excited about and so much more to be frightened of.
It will be the beginning of her other major exams and that means that she will have to start drawing up career path possibilities. She used to think that she'd be a Healer, but after the Department of mysteries, she is intrigued by the idea of being an Unspeakable. Of course, she'd like to work in a department that she is passionate about, somewhere she can bring about a change for all forms of magical life, but who knows.
If she was still studying in the Muggle world, she wouldn't have to worry about her career for a while. She'd have uni to consider and that would prepare her well, but as far as she has read, nothing beyond Hogwarts is ever encouraged in the wizarding world. If she wishes to educate herself further, she'll have to do it on her own time, because otherwise, she would be expected to work and gain experience while working.
For now, she doesn't seem to have all that many options.
That leaves her with whether or not to go back to brewing potions. Potions has never been a favourite per se, but she did like it when he trusted her to do it. She'll have to see, although it won't hurt her to continue. And besides, she only stopped because she felt like he didn't care about her.
Just to learn more about potions, she'll take on the activity again.
