The day had started unassumingly enough, the four teenagers accompanying their alien guardians to a canyon in the middle of god-knows-where via space altering portal to dig up ancient artifacts. A perfectly normal Saturday. Boring, really, all things considered. Until the Decepticons showed up.

Tess wasn't certain what she'd expected her first encounter with them to be like, but it certainly hadn't been this. When the flashy red Aston Martin skidded to a stop just shy of the crevice she'd been taking cover in and flashed its high beams, she'd closed her eyes, held her breath and waited for what she assumed would be the end of her.

And then he spoke.

"What have we here?"

Her eyes snapped open. She watched the alien being transform, unmoving as he reached out and plucked her from her hiding spot.

He stepped back and held her aloft between himself and the approaching Autobots, wagging a digit as he tutted, "Ah, ah, ah. Not another step, or your newest teammate gets dissected."

Bulkhead scowled. "Hand her over… slowly, and we might just let you leave in one piece."

Tess waved a dismissive hand. "No need to rush things, I'm actually quite comfortable."

The large green mech was taken aback. "Uh… you know he's one of the bad guys… right?"

She slid a finger along the massive hand that held her, replying flippantly, "Are all the bad guys this yummy?"

It was Knockout's turn to look shocked. "Come again?"

The bizarre interaction came to an end when Arcee – having crept around behind their target while the others distracted him – tapped her blaster against his backstrut. "Kindly put the human down."

Chuckling nervously, the Con did as he was told, holding up his servos as he stepped away from the lot of them.

Tess winked at him, holding her hand against her ear like a phone as she mouthed the words 'call me'.

The group watched him transform and speed away, knowing it was far too risky to attempt a capture while the humans were present. The others had since come out from their respective hiding places, and as Jack came up alongside her he levelled her with a concerned look. "Something is very wrong with you."

Tess graced him with a shrug. "The unstoppable urge to make inappropriate comments at all times is barely the tip of the iceberg, my friend. We don't have time for the full list."

This girl is just so wrong its right. She's like... my kindred spirit.