The trip home had been long and uneventful. Ratchet's spark still seethed with frustration and swirled with confusion all at the same time. He had been greeted with hugs, kisses, and inquiries on how his new life was panning out as soon as he entered the neighborhood.

His parents had been overjoyed that he had come to visit, and they quickly spread word out and began cooking a feast fit for a community. He didn't dare stop them. Ratchet still had a healthy amount of respect and a little bit of fear for his community elders. He didn't dare imagine the kind of verbal lashing he was in for if he tried to worm his way out of talking to them after coming home for the first time in cycles.

He supposed the last time he had been a part of a community gathering like this was probably when they had sent him off to university.

He tried his best to put on a happy face and be sociable, but he couldn't really stop checking his comm, hoping that Optimus would send a message that would give him an inkling of if he was okay.

He sighed, finding nothing once again.

"Ratchet!" A voice calling his name caught his attention. He looked up from his HUD.

"Yes, ahpa?" He hummed and looked over at Chromeway.

"Kupp's trying to talk to you," he chuckled.

"Oh, sorry, I must have been spacing out," Ratchet said with a small smile. "What was that?"

"Oh, I was just saying that it's nice that the pride and joy of Crystal City is back in town," he chuckled. "It's good to see you kiddo," another neighbor that Ratchet grew up around. In this part of Cybertron, community was pretty much everything. If you never left you would live here under the careful optics of his parents and neighbors alike. You would grow up to be a caregiver yourself once you grew up, brought a mate back, and brought up sparklings of your own.

"Only in the neighborhood, there's plenty of bots that don't care for me outside of the suburb," he chuckled faintly, picking up his cube and swirling it. "I'm not really a kid either, Ki'ran," he said with a small smile.

"Ah, I don't care how old you are. You'll always be a kid to me, Ratty," he smirked, patting him on the helm. "Even if you did go and find a conjux. Speakin' of which, I'm surprised you didn't bring him home. We'd all love to meet 'im. Gale says he's a treat. Why did ya bring him?"

"Oh, well… he couldn't be here. He got swamped with a lot of duties… with the whole transferring of power and moving from the manor into the palace… lots of things to do. He told me that I should come and spend some time at home. He seems to think I've been overworking myself…" he chuckled softly, looking down.

"Well, it's good to know that he really cares about ya. He looks to be a nice mech. You picked a good one, Ratty." He smiled, patting him on the back again. "Now why don't you eat a little bit more. You need a little bit more insulation for a new spark, after all…" he smirked.

Ratchet forced a small chuckle, "I'll eat plenty, don't you worry, Ki'ran."

Gale walked over with a plate of more food, handing it to the older mech. "Kupp, they just had the ceremony. I'm sure they'll have sparklings eventually, but don't bother him too much about it, alright?"

"Ah, come on Gale, he knows I mean well. After all, we don't wanna have another you," he replied teasingly, as he took the plate. "Scared to death we were gonna lose ya when you had Ratchet.."

"I know, I know. Luckily, Ratchet takes after his sire's frame type. He isn't nearly as delicate as me," he replied with a smile. "Shouldn't have much of a problem like I did."

"I dunno, the Prime is a Dexter-type. Still a lot bigger…" Kupp replied. "Those broad shoulders are a worry."

Ratchet couldn't help but shutter a little bit at the mere hint of an image. He had seen far too many carriers try and deliver a sparkling that was a much bigger frame type than them….

But it wasn't like he was going to have a sparkling anytime soon. There wasn't a push for an heir to the matrix. Elita had already taken care of that for him. No need for heirs here… No way.

Ratchet had to admit, the idea of children did sound a little nice… now that he had slowed down a little bit. Now that he wasn't working six days a week and pulling 72 hour shifts, constantly.

He shook his helm a little bit, checking his comm again. What was he thinking about just now? Sparklings? With Optimus? Please- how ludicrous…

That turbulent feeling was leaking into his chest again.. how great…

Gale tapped his shoulder. "Ratty, dear. You're checking that comm fairly often. You're awful quiet too…" He raised an optic ridge at him with a small smile.

Ratchet jumped a little bit, turning his optics on him. "I was just-"

"Don't even," he chuckled. "Carrier just knows. Is there something going on?" He asked.

Ratchet blinked slowly. "Umm… just waiting on word from someone…" he said softly.

"Who? What's going on?" He asked with a small frown.

"Just Optimus… he's-in a really important meeting. I'm not really allowed to say what it's about," he lied. "I don't know when he'll be out. I'm just worried about him…"

Gale gave him a small smile, putting his servo on his shoulder. "Don't worry too much about politics. You're with family," he chuckled.

Ratchet gave a small chuckle. "Yes, Ahma."

The days passed and Ratchet spent as much time as he could with his family. He thought the time away from Optimus would cure him of this plague, this… this curse, how wrong he was.

He helped around the neighborhood, cleaned his parent's home, babysat, popped in at the clinic, helped around the family restaurant, and even substitute taught for the nearby school. Anything to keep him busy enough to tire him out enough so he could actually rest; even if his dreams were plagued with memory fluxes of Optimus.

They ranged from being about their past conversations and the strange feelings he had around Optimus to the kiss they shared and the bond they had forged. No matter how exhausted he went to sleep, he often woke to his spark pulsing painfully several times a night.

He couldn't sleep soundly, he didn't even have an appetite. He didn't even feel like engaging in recreation. Hardly touched the alcohol… He felt like he was in a drunken stupor as it was with his helm and spark churning as much as they were.

It was driving him mad.

As he stood over the sink, washing dishes nearly obsessively, fighting to not think. He could hardly even see what he was doing. He silently begged any deities that could be listening to release him from this strange illness.

There was a small tap on his shoulder. "Ratty…?"

He gasped and jumped, being torn away from his empty thoughts. He looked down, seeing worried teal optics staring at him.

"Ahma… you startled me…" he murmured shakily, turning the water off. "Do-do you need something?"

"Ratty, honey, I'm starting to get real worried about you…" he said softly, reaching up and cupping his cheek.

Ratchet sighed, tilting his helm into the loving servo, covering it with his own. "I'm fine, Ahma… I promise… I've just got a lot to think about."

"Don't bother trying to lie to me Ratty… I know that something is wrong. You haven't come home in a decacycle, and now you visit for three weeks without warning? We're always happy to have you dear, and you know that we are always here for you, but sweetspark… You're working so hard… you aren't sleeping, you aren't eating… You're so quiet…Why did you come home?"

Ratchet looked down at him, his optics growing more and more blurry.

Gale sighed, taking his servo's and guiding him to sit at the small kitchen table. "Son… please. Talk to me. What happened- What really happened? Why did you come home?"

Ratchet stared at the small delicate hands in his own, the blurriness starting to burn his optics. Was he shaking?

"Honey…?"

Those turbulent feelings were gathering tighter in his chest. They rose rapidly, forming a hard lump that strangled him.

"Ahma… I… I guess I came home because… because I felt like I was lost…" he whispered breathlessly. "I got so used to striving for something more… for something better-for something to make you proud… I got so far away, when I turned around needing someone I didn't have anyone anymore …and I didn't want to worry you…" he heard his voice crack a little bit. "I don't know what to do anymore…" he sobbed shakily, tears beginning to cascade down his cheeks.

"Oh, Ratty…" he murmured. "We don't care what you're doing, we have always been SO proud of you… always have, always will be. No matter what. That includes everything. And you can ALWAYS call or come home. We will ALWAYS be here. And you are ALWAYS allowed to need us for a little bit." He said softly, tilting Ratchet's chin back up. "And for your information, we worry regardless. You might not be a little fledgling anymore, but you're still ours," he smiled warmly. "Why don't we talk a little bit about what's got you so worked up, sweetspark. What happened?" He murmured, grabbing a box of tissues and bringing them over.

Ratchet sighed shakily, taking one and wiping away some tears. "I… I didn't tell you everything about the bond… I got trapped into it…" he said softly. "The council saw what I was doing and they made me a deal… I could either comply, marry Optimus, and they would leave all their corporate junk out of Lithium; or if I didn't comply, they would run my clinic into the ground, and run everyone around here out of their businesses… They were threatening everyone's livelihood… I couldn't… I couldn't just stand by…" he said softly.

Gale sat close to him, rubbing his back in soft gentle circles. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Because by the time I had a chance to, Optimus turned out to not be all that bad. He was helping me to continue my work… I didn't think I needed to. There had been a lot more upsides to the engagement than I had thought…" he replied wiping his face with another tissue.

"Okay… well… are you happy, Ratchet?" Gale asked.

Ratchet trembled at the question, more tears coming. "That's just it… I am… I'm well taken care of… I need not worry about food, about shelter… about bills… I have everything I need. I'm not struggling, not like you and sire did…" he hiccuped softly.

Gale sighed softly. "Ratty, we might have struggled to pay for things, but we had something that you don't. We had each other, and a very loving community at our back. We were very happy, we chose this life. Are you happy?"

He sobbed softly burying his face in the tissue. "I don't know…It's complicated…"

"Do you like it? In Iacon?" He asked.

"I do…" he replied.

"Do you like your career?"

"Very much so…" he sighed shakily. "I feel like I'm doing what I've always wanted to do, and that was to help people…"

"So what is it that makes you not happy, dear?" He hummed.

"It's this… this feeling. I don't know what's wrong with me…"

"There's nothin' wrong with you, Ratty…" Gale said softly.

"No. No, there is… I have symptoms- but I can't identify what it is…" he sobbed. "I-I can't control myself, I have these memory fluxes, these images…I don't want to eat, I can't sleep… There's the heat flashes, the shortness of breath, the lightheadedness, the mood swings, the lack of focus, and… and my spark always feels like it's going to explode…All the time." he hiccuped. "I just feel like I'm on a razor's edge…It's-It's torture…"

Gale didn't reply to this right away, continuing to rub soothing circles into Ratchet's back. He gave another shuddering sob, a hand gripping at his chest.

"What are those memory fluxes about?" Gale asked softly after a moment.

Ratchet shook his helm. "…typically they're about Optimus…"

"Oh?" He hummed. "And what do the two of you do together?"

"…We do several things together…" he replied sniffling. "We organize protests and do a lot of political things…"

"And… outside of work? What do you do? You live together after all…"

He took another tissue with another sniffle, trying to clear his vents. "We… we talk a lot…"

"About?" He asked.

"We talk about all kinds of things… We talk about our upbringings. We talk about what we want to achieve…Philosophy, the world... We talk about things we like…"

"And what kinds of things does the Prime like?" She chuckled.

Ratchet chuckled faintly. "A lot of things. He really likes reading. He owns a lot of books… He loves history, but not as much as he loves cooking," he smiled faintly. "Soups are his favorite thing to make. He cooks for us every day… He likes trying new things, it seems like there's a new wine for us to break open every week, or he'll bring home some new snack, or a burger from a fast food chain," he laughed, wiping away more tears. "He also likes coffee. Disgustingly sweet coffee. He'll drink tea like that too, lots of sugars and milk… honey…He likes sweets…and he likes puzzles. He takes care of the gardens too, just for the fun of it-" his face was starting to feel warm again and he felt breathless all over again. "Dammit…" he muttered shakily.

Gale smiled softly, pressing a cool hand to his cheek. "Hmmm, you feel a little warmer."

"This is what I'm talking about," he muttered, more tears spilling down his face. "These random heat flashes… I feel dizzy too…" he sniffled, wiping the tears away again. "My emotions…."

Gale patted his back gently. "The ceremony was beautiful… I forgot to tell you," he chuckled. "I was so enchanted with everything around me. You and him looked so happy up there. I completely forgot that it was arranged, you know…"

He sniffled again, wiping tears away again.

Gale sighed softly, continuing. "That kiss… it was truly convincing…"

Ratchet glanced over at him. "…it was, wasn't it…"

"How did you feel about that afterwards?" He asked.

Ratchet chuckled. "I couldn't really tell you that either…"

"How did it feel?" He asked.

He sighed, holding the tissue a little closer. He looked down, feeling like his audios were on fire. "It was strange… I've kissed a lot of people… I've never really understood the appeal… I used to hate it more than the actual things clients would pay me to do…It always felt unhygienic, gross… I hate the idea of it. Tasting someone else's mouth? What they've eaten, if they've bothered with personal hygiene. All the bacteria…"

"But?" He asked.

Ratchet blinked slowly. "This one… it felt different…. I felt different. I felt like… like I understood for just a second. I felt like I wasn't there, like I was in another place, another time. It was like I was… I was high. When it was over, I couldn't breathe for a second, and… and I…."

"You wanted more."

Ratchet bit his lip, his field tinting with embarrassment. "I wanted to do it again…yes…"

Gale gave him a small smile. "What kinds of things do you like about Optimus- and I know. You've answered this question a million times for a million different people," he said as soon as Ratchet gave him that dirty look, "but this time, give me things that he's done that made you feel like this, and be honest."

Ratchet sighed softly, looking back down at the floor. "First thing I can think of is the dinner he made for me when I first moved in… he made Ragnok. Tried to make me feel like I was at home… He complimented me too… he told me that I was interesting, and that he liked how authentic I was…."

Gale chuckled as Ratchet listed dozens of things. At some point, he had stopped crying, and started laughing. Gale didn't stop either, laughing with him and holding onto him. It seemed like he had endless stories of Optimus, but eventually he ran out.

"…I can't really think of anymore…" he chuckled. "…There's just a lot of moments with him that I love."

Gale smiled softly. "Moments that you love with him in it? Or love the mech with you in those moments?"

Ratchet stared at the floor for a moment, his small falling a little bit. Love? Was that the word that fit? "No… no I can't love Optimus…"

"Why not?" He chuckled.

Ratchet sighed. "He… has someone other than me. Behind the scenes…"

"I see… What's this person like out of curiosity?" He hummed.

"Egotistical and brutish…" he replied with a small sneer. Those dents in Optimus's wrist.

"If it's that Gladiator, that isn't love," Gale snorted. "I watched him make a fool out of himself at the reception. Was tipsy and quite jealous… he isn't good news."

Ratchet sighed, shaking his helm. "He isn't… something… something did happen to make me come home…"

"What was that, dear?" He asked.

"I… I woke up to someone shouting one morning… I went to check it out. Opened the door, and he was grabbing Rion by the wrist. He was being… threatening. Orion was… begging him to stop… I got Megatronus to leave, but when I tried to convince him to not let Megatronus come back… he shut me out. I told him I couldn't watch him do this to himself and…. And he told me I could leave then… So I packed a bag, hailed a cab, and bought a ticket home," he said slowly, a fresh well of tears coming to the rim of his optics. He sighed shakily, willing them back. "Ahma… I… I can't force him. I don't know what to do…"

Gale chuckled softly. "Well… I have a suggestion. Go back. Face him. Sometimes… people need to be dragged into the light," he said softly. "If you love someone, let them go. But loving someone also means fighting a little harder for them too," he smiled, reaching up to cup his cheek again.

Ratchet smiled, back, nuzzling into his hand again.

The next morning, he had his bag packed again, a ticket to Iacon in hand. He had bid everyone farewell, taken the time to give everyone a hug, and he had eaten his fare share of a large breakfast prepared as a send off.

He waved goodbye to everyone as the cab took off. He left feeling a little bit more grateful for his parents and his community, a little more confident in what to do, little lighter from the burden lifted off of him, and a little more clear headed.

His spark was tamer too.

At least… it was. Until halfway through the shuttle ride home, he finally got that message back from Optimus.

/Please come home. I'm scared of him. I need you./