Chapter 16: On Matters Concerning a Prime

Orianna P.O.V

Rachet pinched the bridge of his olfactory sensor. ''Very well Orianna. Physically speaking, Prime was very different back when I first met him. He was physically smaller, did not have the need for a battle mask but he still had a red and blue colour scheme..''

''Please don't tell me he had tacky flames back then too?'' I couldn't help interrupt.

Rachet growled at me. ''Don't interrupt so I can finish sooner. And no. He didn't''. I nodded. ''He was a little on the quiet side, kind of shy and nervous around bots he didn't know, and nowhere near as confident and commanding as he is now,'' he held his servo up to stop the question on my lips, ''and before you ask, yes, he was a bit awkward around the femmes. None of them really took any notice of him. Except of course for Ariel.''

I scrunched up my face. I had not heard of her. Prime never mentioned her before. /Did he fall in love with two femmes?/.

Rachet must have noticed my confusion and took pity on me. ''I am sure you have heard about Elita One?'' I nodded. ''And you have known that Prime was not always Prime. That he went by the name Orion Pax?'' I nodded again. ''Well, Ariel was Orion Pax's mate before they were both killed by Megatron and rebuilt by Alpha Trion, a very old and very wise Autobot.''

I held up my hand. ''Wait a second Rachet. You mean to tell me that Elita One was Ariel?''

Rachet nodded. ''Well perhaps more accurately, Ariel became Elita One just as Orion Pax became Optimus.''

I leaned forward preparing to ask another question when Rachet ploughed on. ''Anyway, as I was saying, Ariel became Elita One and Prime and her resumed their relationship right up until we left Cybertron in search of the Allspark.'' Rachet's expression softened, and his voice was low and tinged with sadness. ''We have not heard of or been able to contact her for over four million years. The fighting was fierce on Cybertron so there is every chance she perished along with many others.''

I scrunched up my face as I considered the facts presented. ''Yeah, but Rachet, you don't know that for sure. I mean, what if she is still alive?''

Rachet shook his helm. ''Negative Orianna. Prime would have had some confirmation through their bond, their link. He hasn't felt anything for over four million years.'' Rachet sighed. ''Believe me Orianna, Prime tried to contact her numerous times, he almost came close to abandoning the mission not long after we left to go back and find her.''

''Why didn't he Rachet?'' I barked tersely. ''If he loved her so damn much, why did he just leave her?'' I felt angry on Elita's behalf. The mech she loved just abandoned her when she needed him the most. /Surely that counts as a strike?/.

Rachet sent me a small, sad grin. ''He had a duty to find the Allspark and by doing so, possibly saving his race and a dying planet Orianna.''

/Okay, so scratch the strike. Very noble and self sacrificing. Damn it!/.

Rachet continued unaware of my internal struggle. ''The needs of Prime's own spark had to be ignored, no matter how much he may have wished otherwise.'' He gave a sad sigh. ''Elita would have understood. And as much as she would have hated it, she would have done the same.''

I shook my head. ''I know Rachet, but it just sucks! It sucks so bad. For both of them.''

Rachet sighed again as he nodded. ''I am sure you have discovered for yourself by now Orianna, that Prime is nothing if not unfailingly bent on preserving life, protecting his Autobots and taking his role of Prime very seriously.''

I brought a knee up under my chin. ''Yeah. A little too seriously if you ask me.''

''I agree.'' I snapped my head up to look at Rachet, who shifted on his pedes and smiled softly at me. ''Prime buries himself in his work as a means of distracting himself from the pain and suffering he carries within him. From the sense of responsibility that weighs upon him.''

I tilted my head as a realisation dawned on me. ''So, when I suggested he try and have a work-life balance and he turned up at my doorstep to spend time with me..''

''That was huge Orianna.'' Rachet's optics shone brightly as he regarded me. ''You achieved what me, Ironhide and Jazz have been unable to do for four million years. Get Prime to relax a bit. Take some time for himself. Have a break from the crushing pressure he must feel all the time.'' He chuckled. ''Even those late-night conversations you used to have on your beach were a blessing for him and a welcome distraction I bet.''

I felt myself heat up at the backhanded praise Rachet was giving me and the confirmation that Prime seemed to enjoy my company. I was glad I was able to get through to Prime and help him. All at once, a sudden feeling of shame washed over me, and I groaned out loud as I rested my head against the railing. ''And I almost ruined the night for him by acting like a total idiot. And I haven't visited the beach for weeks 'cause I've been… busy.'' /I really was a shit, selfish friend!/.

Rachet made a small whirring noise as he leaned towards me. ''Yes. Prime did mention you had acted strangely for reasons he could not fathom. He was worried about you, worried he had done something wrong.''

''NO! It wasn't him Rachet.'' I burst out emphatically. ''It was never him,'' I hung my head in shame. ''It was all me.''

''Why Orianna? Why were you upset that night? Why did you cry and try to get away from Prime when all he was doing was trying to comfort you?'' Rachet turned interrogating optics towards me, and I felt myself alternating between crumbling and confessing everything, to wanting to tell him to just fuck off and leave me alone like I ended up doing with Lennox the other day.

I groaned out loud as I leaned my head heavily against a pole, wrapping my arms around it. /Great! Now you are seeking comfort from inanimate objects! You really are losing the plot/. ''I don't know Rachet. I can't explain what is going on with me lately. It's just too hard.'' I felt a lump forming in my throat. ''I know something is wrong with me, but I don't know how to fix it.''

''Hmm. I can run a few tests on you if you like, a few scans to see what..'' Rachet moved closer to me.

''NO!'' I held my hands up before me. ''I don't think your tests will achieve anything Rachet.'' My look of mortification slowly morphed into a sly grin. ''Besides, you haven't answered all of my questions.'' I needed to change the topic off me!

Rachet grunted. ''Very well Orianna, but you need to seek some sort of medical treatment if not by me, then a human doctor. Prime is worried about you.''

I felt my stomach knot and a warmth washed over me at the same time. Rachet sat at a bench near his desk. ''Where was I? Ahh, yes. In all the millions of years I have known Prime, as both Orion and Optimus, he has not changed very much. Personality wise, he is still very much the same. Intelligent, brave, self-sacrificing, patient, generous, just and fair, kind but also filled with self-doubt and a stubbornness that can be both a blessing and a detriment.''

I found myself nodding in agreeance as Rachet listed Prime's qualities. ''Physically, yes, he has changed quite a bit. Once he was rebuilt he was more robust, strong, and capable. A real leader, not a shy clerk working in the hall of records.'' Rachet smiled knowingly at me, ''A nerd as you say. After he became Prime, the femmes noticed him more too and sought his attention, but Prime only had optics for Elita.''

I sighed softly in both jealousy and admiration. /What would it be like to hold Prime's spark and attention in such a way?/. ''So, he is a one femme kinda mech? Very loyal to the one he loves hey Rachet?''

Rachet snorted almost indignantly at the insinuation Prime could be anything but loyal. ''Prime is the very definition of loyalty Orianna, as I thought you may have noticed in the time you have been around him, and yes. In all the years I have known Prime, Ariel and then Elita, were the only femmes Optimus has ever loved and been with.''

''Do you think he could or would ever love again Rachet?'' the words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I grasped the railing tightly, fearing Rachet's response yet desperately seeking it. My heart seemed to have taken up residence in my throat.

Rachet snorted and laughed out loud. ''With whom Orianna? I don't know if you have noticed, but the only femme around is Arcee and, while she has many fine qualities, she is not Prime's type and Prime would not see her in such a light. She is a soldier under his command and that is all.''

I felt that faint glimmer of hope begin to flicker and die. There was never even any question in Rachet's mind that should a miracle occur and Prime fall in love again, it wouldn't be with anyone other than a femme. A human, absolutely not!

Rachet's gaze grew distant as he considered my question. ''Besides, even if there was another femme around that were a suitable match for him, I do not think he would give his spark away again. He has suffered so much pain and loss Orianna, I do not think he would be willing to put himself, or his spark, in the position to be hurt again.''

I nodded my head in understanding and I sighed deeply, trying to expel some of my own hurt, disappointment, and pain. ''I guess that makes sense Rachet. But it also seems sad that a mech like Prime must live a life without being loved or loving someone.'' I shrugged my shoulders. ''It seems, after all you have told me and what I have come to know about Prime myself, of all bots, he is more deserving than most to love and be loved.''

Rachet was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. ''Perhaps Orianna. However, Transformers are somewhat different to humans in how we view love and how desperately we seek it and desire it.''

''How so Rachet? Love is love, isn't it?'' I challenged as I leaned forward on the railing, keen to hear what he had to say.

Rachet snorted derisively. ''Humans seem almost preoccupied with the concept, hard wired to seek it and obtain it, or their perception of it at any length.'' His tone held no small amount of scorn. ''Once they reach a certain age, the biological need to mate and form romantic attachments and partnerships becomes a primary objective...''

I snorted down at him, ''Are you sure you don't have love and lust confused there Rachet? Two different things.''

He glowered at my belligerence. ''As I was saying, humans seem focused on finding mates. Though granted there are exceptions to the rule, usually a human's intimate relationships are of relatively short duration before they move on to the next potential suitor.'' Rachet made a small grunting noise. ''However, Transformers tend to be more discerning in their selection of a mate.''

I narrowed my eyes at Rachet. ''That sounds vaguely like an insult Rachet. Ya know, being human and all.''

He shrugged his shoulders. ''It's an observation Orianna and a general truth.'' I continued to stare daggers at him, but he ploughed on. ''Anyway, a Transformer's desire to form strong intimate relationships beyond friendship and comradery takes time to develop. Often the need to seek mutual physical release is usually only desired and sought well after a strong spark bond is determined to exist between both Transformers. By that stage the bond is usually for life. Or until death.'' Rachet's voice carried an air of regret and sadness as he must have recalled our previous conversation regarding Elita and Prime.

''So. These bonds are between a femme and a mech?'' I ventured.

''Or a femme and a femme or a mech and a mech. Transformers are not as bound by gender designations as humans seem to be. We are more oriented towards a spark than a gender. Having said that, most spark bonds are between a femme and a mech, yes.''

I stood there processing what I had just learned. ''So, basically Rachet, correct me if I am wrong here..''

''Oh, I will,'' Rachet interrupted.

I glared at him before I continued, ''Essentially, for arguments sake, if there were someone here that could obtain Prime's interest, he wouldn't fall in love them straight away. He would need to see if his spark, if their sparks, had a mutual connection and once that was established he might then be convinced, or inclined, to confess his love and desire to bond with that person… ahh.. femme?'' I briefly closed my eyes as I hoped Rachet would ignore my verbal faux pas just now. ''And he wouldn't really feel love unless his spark basically told him ''yep, she's tha one for you Prime!''

Rachet considered me for a moment. ''That is a very crude summary of what I have explained to you Orianna, especially your final statement, but essentially, yes. That is how it would work for Optimus.''

I nodded to show my understanding and feeling somewhat hopeful again. ''So, he could fall in love again if he found someone, he deemed worthy?''

''Yes. I guess he could Orianna. However,'' Rachet continued, ''while I agree with you on that matter, it is a moot point when there is no one around for that to become a possibility for Prime. Wouldn't you agree that presents an issue?''

I cleared my throat and rose to my feet. ''What if there was someone Rachet?''

Rachet's optical ridge creased together, and he leaned forward so his face was a few feet away from me, a determined, almost annoyed expression on his face. ''But there isn't Orianna.'' He snorted incredulously. ''What? Are you saying you are aware of the existence of someone Prime could possibly fall in love with?''

I stepped forward, gathering my courage as I prepared to explain to Rachet how I had been feeling and why I had been behaving in such a way around Prime. How much I loved Prime and had done for quite some time now, when I stopped.

/What's the point?/.

The feeling must be mutual for Prime to act on it. While Prime has admitted to enjoying your company, that's all it is. /Friendship/. You heard what Rachet just said. To move beyond friendship for a Transformer there must be a mutual recognition of a deep spark felt connection between BOTH parties. I smiled weakly at Rachet as I shook my head. /It is very much one sided/. ''No Rachet. I do not.'' I turned to walk down the stairs. ''I guess I just felt argumentative.''

Rachet snorted at me, though he smiled. ''That doesn't sound like you at all Orianna!''

I chuckled as I walked towards the door. ''Well, played Rachet. A bot after my own heart.'' I had almost reached the door when I turned back around to face him. ''Thanks for putting up with me Rachet. I am sorry to have detained you from your important work. You made good on your end of the bargain, so now I'll hold up mine and leave you alone.''

Rachet nodded at me in thanks and started to turn back to his work when he hesitated. ''You weren't that much of a nuisance Orianna. You are welcome to stay if you want to.'' He added belatedly, ''if you can be quiet and stop asking questions.''

I waved at my friend. ''Well, we both know that won't happen Rachet! But thanks for the offer. I'll see ya later.'' I exited the Med Bay through the human sized door.

And came face to face with the very bot I had been trying to avoid.