Author's Note: /denotes internal thoughts/.
''denotes recalled conversations''
Chapter 36: Blindsided
Prime P.O.V
A shadow peering back at me, a vortex of emotions swirling chaotically from behind a windscreen. That was all she gave me. All she allowed me to see and feel.
As I walked away from Major Lennox and Orianna towards my alt mode, it was all I could do not to turn around, storm towards the vehicle and peel the door from its hinges so I could talk to the woman who hid from me.
Even as the thought formed in my processor, I felt a dull ache in my spark followed by a spike of frustration and confusion. I could not fathom how in just a few joors Orianna and I had gone from having such a strong friendship to this disconnected, sorrowful mess we now found ourselves in. Not for the first time tonight, I wondered, /How was I so blindsided?/.
As soon as the cabin door closed behind me, I deactivated the holoform and kicked the engine over. It roared to life angrily, mirroring the maelstrom inside me. Pulling away from the kerb, I began to mindlessly head towards base, though I didn't really want to go there. I didn't know where to go. Everywhere seemed to remind me of her.
''Whether you meant to or not, you did hurt her. Big time.''
Lennox's words flashed through my processor as I travelled aimlessly along, and my engine seemed to groan in protest as I shifted down the gears to negotiate a corner. Though I had thought I would never be able to hurt the one I cared for so very deeply, it would appear I had been gravely mistaken on that account.
My engine growled as I straightened up and accelerated down a stretch of road. I had come to feel that if anyone were to do anything to hurt Orianna in any way, my retribution would have been swift and terrible. Had it been required; I would have given my spark for Orianna such was my need to protect her and keep her safe.
/''But how do you protect her from yourself?''/.
The anger that had been simmering within me cooled, engulfed as it was by the cold and heavy feeling of bitter self-recrimination. /YOU are the one who hurt her! You are the one who broke her heart with your thoughtless physical displays and curiosity/. I growled and pushed myself faster as I reflected upon our recent interactions. Gently brushing my digits along her cheek, hugging her, running my fingers over her lips, seeking her out to spend time alone with her, and then tonight - returning her kiss!
I internally sighed as I realised the depth of my folly. I should have known such gestures amongst humans can be interpreted as romantic in nature. Her increased heart rate, her breathing, her increased perspiration were not signs of illness, but rather attraction and desire. I had never thought this a possibility, and clearly neither did Rachet, as we had not thought it possible for a human to develop such feelings towards a Transformer. We were simply too different. /Weren't we?/.
The runway and Hanger 1 loomed in the distance, as did the road that continued to Turtle Cove. For a moment, I hesitated, wishing to simply keep moving in a bid to outrun my thoughts. /But running away from your problems does not solve them. They simply follow you/. My entire cabin seemed to shudder, and my engine growled in protest as I begrudgingly applied the brakes forcefully and pulled myself up quickly, turning towards Hanger 1 and the road towards Autobot Quarters.
''Give her some time, she'll come around eventually.'' Once again Lennox's words haunted me as I approached Hanger 1 and felt an almost inexplicable flash of annoyance wash over me. /Doesn't Orianna see that choosing to avoid me indefinitely is not going to fix what has happened between us?/.
Annoyance turned to concern as I pulled up before the cavernous doors to the Hanger. /Doesn't she understand that the longer you allow a wound to fester, the more toxic, poisoning, it becomes?/. The thought of my friendship with Orianna being forever damaged and poisoned, set me on edge more than I cared to admit. I slowly reversed towards the catwalk. Recharge would not come to me any time soon and I did not have the spark to revisit our beach. /I had to be here for a meeting in the next few hours anyway, I might as well wait here/.
Compressed air was released from my brakes in an almost exasperated sigh as I came to a stop. /Why is she so unwilling to simply talk to me or at least listen to me?/. I mentally chided myself as I answered my own question a spark beat later. /You know why!/.
''When a woman's had her heart stomped on, the LAST thing she wants to do is have a conversation with the one who did the stomping…''
That dull ache in my spark began to pulse once more and I inwardly groaned in frustration. This feeling was indeed linked with Orianna, of that I was now sure. As to why it was happening, beyond feelings of guilt and sorrow, I was none the wiser.
''Hey, Prime!'' the familiar address drifted towards me, from behind and to my right and I at once recognised its owner, /Robert Epps/. I felt a heavy tap of greeting on my passenger side door as he circled around to stand before me. I rolled my windows down to engage in conversation, though I did so begrudgingly as talking was the last thing I felt like doing at present. ''Didn't expect ta see ya here for a few more hours yet,'' confusion evident in his tone.
''In truth, nor did I Robert,'' my voice drifted down to him as I replied as courteously as I could under the circumstances.
''Epps,'' The man corrected nonchalantly as he tilted his head and folded his arms across his chest, quietly regarding me. ''Hmm. I've heard that tone before Prime, so I'll let it drop.''
''That would be appreciated Epps, thank you,'' I truly had no desire to lie to him or explain what it was that was on my processor.
He sighed out loud as he raised a hand to scratch at his head. ''Well, I hate ta say it Big Guy, but ya mood is not about ta improve. I've just heard reports we're gearing up for another sorte to intercept the 'Cons very soon.''
I only just refrained from growling out loud and cursing in Cybertronian. ''How soon?'' I ground my denta together in rising irritation. While there was never a good time to engage the Decepticons, right now was particularly bad timing. It was one thing to give Orianna space, it was another to abandon her entirely for several days with the possibility of not returning thrown into the mix.
Epps snorted as he placed his hands on his hips. ''Like 24 hours soon Prime.''
''I see,'' was all I managed to ground out.
His forehead creased as he seemed to consider something mildly perturbing. ''I'm surprised Lennox didn't mention it to you before now?''
Annoyance tore through me before I quickly tampered it down. ''I believe Major Lennox may have been preoccupied this evening Epps. Orianna was at one of the island's drinking establishments earlier this evening and she was feeling unwell. Major Lennox assisted her home.'' I did not think it wise to disclose to Epps the true nature of why she had been feeling unwell.
Epps doubled over laughing raucously before he stepped forward and patted my front fender several times. ''Well, if that's not code for hookin' up I don't know what is!'' Epps shook his head as he stepped back and made to move out of the hanger. ''Bout time one of those two made the move to get outta the friendzone. Lord knows the tension between them is off the charts..''
''Friendzone? Hooking up? What do those terms mean exactly Epps?'' a feeling of disquiet seemed to engulf me.
Epps sent me a quizzical glance. ''Fa real Prime, you don't know?''
''Why would I have need to ask if I knew?'' I could not prevent a trace of exasperation from seeping into my tone.
''Ah, good point.'' Epps cleared his throat. ''Well, ah, friendzone,'' Epp's began to gesticulate with his hands as he spoke. ''That's like when two people are friends but like, one of 'em kinda has romantic feelin's for tha other, but the other one doesn't know or feel tha same way.''
It almost seemed as though the energon in my tanks froze as Epp's ironic words and the events of this evening slammed into me full force. ''I see,'' my deep voice rumbled flatly in reply.
Epps seemed to shift awkwardly on his feet as he looked up to the catwalk and back towards me. ''And ah, hookin' up means..''
''I think I can deduce what that means Epps from the context of the conversation, thank you,'' I bit out more tersely than perhaps needed, but I had no desire to hear any such reference to Lennox and Orianna engaging in such activities.
''Hey!'' Epps held his hands up. ''You asked.''
''And you think Major Lennox or Orianna feel this way about the other?'' I was not sure why I felt the need to ask such a question, especially given Orianna's declaration this evening. Perhaps I wanted to make sure that Orianna would find someone who could love her as she wanted to be loved. In time her feelings for me will be forgotten as her affections were transferred to someone else. /Someone more worthy/.
Epps snorted as he began to back up towards the exit. ''Prime, trust me, bein' a guy myself, it's not hard ta see that Lennox is into Orianna and,'' a small smile spread across his face revealing two rows of perfect white teeth, ''I wouldn't be surprised, despite how she carries on, if Orianna feels the same way.'' He chuckled out loud. ''In fact, that's HOW I know. Sexual tension baby, ya know what I mean?'' Epps winked at me conspiratorially.
''Good evening, Epps,'' I simply replied to the man as he turned to leave the building. He waved over his shoulder and disappeared into the early morning.
Once again, I was on my own. The thought of Lennox and Orianna together was at once disquieting and logical. It made sense. He was a good and honourable man worthy of her affections, and he would not hurt her, /as I had done/. That ache in my spark made itself known again as I recalled my actions tonight and over the past few weeks. /More to the point he is a human male, a far more suitable and appropriate focus for her desires and affections rather than a Cybertronian mech/.
As I began to power down my systems to try and steal a few moments of elusive recharge, I felt more at ease as I accepted my own arguments. However, what I could not answer, and what I did not want to dwell on, was why the very same arguments quietly and illogically unsettled me.