Author's Note: I wasn't going to post this chapter now, but I felt generous. I figured some of you might be hanging out for that ''moment'' Prime and OC see each other again for the first time since that night...

Will try and keep posting regularly but some major home renovations might steal my attention for some time. Apologies!

/denotes internal thoughts/

Chapter 39: Not Knowing is the Hardest Part

Orianna P.O.V

I glanced at my watch yet again as I leaned against Relda's hood. /16:35 hours/. Crinkling my brow, I glanced skywards in a north-easterly direction and squinted, trying to discern the inbound C-17 Globemasters in the expanse of powder blue sky above me.

I exhaled in disappointment as I clambered atop her forest green hood and lay back against the windscreen. ''Well. I guess Lennox did say they'd land around 16:30 hours, give or take half an hour.'' I chuckled to myself as I slid my sunnies down over my eyes, shielding them from the glare of the late afternoon sun. ''I guess it's give half an hour.''

I absentmindedly rested one leg on my knee, tapping my foot in a soundless rhythm as I settled in to wait. True to his word, Lennox did call me later the day after I confessed to Prime I loved him. He rang to check on me and see how I was coping with a hangover and a broken heart. I had managed to keep it together until he told me that regretfully N.E.S.T, and the Autobots would be heading out almost immediately to Shanghai to deal with a Decepticon presence there.

I had crumbled about the phone, whimpering, and sniffling in a rather undignified manner as Lennox tried to assure me, they'd be back before I knew it. He had refrained from saying nothing bad would happen as we both knew every time N.E.S.T and the Autobots left to face the 'Cons, there was a very good chance not everyone would make it back uninjured - or alive. That unspoken truth had hung heavy between us.

A shudder ran down my spine as I recalled that conversation and I physically shook myself to banish the unpleasant feeling that had begun to settle in the pit of my stomach. I gritted my teeth together almost painfully as I closed my eyes. For me it was always the not knowing that was the hardest part of the guys leaving on missions. While I can only imagine what it felt like to actually be the one going over to do the fighting, at least you knew what was going on – mostly. For those of us left behind, we simply didn't know when or indeed if we would see our friends or loved ones again.

I glanced at my watch and once more to the skies. Nothing. ''Yep, this part sucks!'' I announced to Relda. It had been three days since Lennox had spoken to me on the phone to say they would be leaving. Three days since I had heard from Lennox. /Four days since I had last seen and spoken to Prime/. In truth it felt like a lifetime.

I felt my lower lip tremble as memories of that horrible night began to surface. Though I had tried to distract myself and keep busy during these past few days, nothing seemed to stop the memories from washing over me.

I groaned as I swapped legs. Every time I thought I had a grasp on my emotions, I would suddenly burst into tears and sob uncontrollably until I physically could no longer cry. I would sit on my lounge in darkness for hours at a time staring at the t.v, as if watching the events of that night play out before me on the blank screen. Or I would suddenly feel so consumed by anger I had to physically release it in the form of throwing something, hitting something, or breaking something. I smiled to myself, ''The latter being the reason why I now only own a three-piece dinner set, not four.'' I snorted derisively at myself, ''OC smash!''

The truth was, I wasn't doing so well. In fact, I was doing abysmally. I sighed out loud as I cast my mind back over my life to my mid-teens. I was no stranger to heartbreak. I had had my share of break ups, some rather messy and humiliating, and some relationships were strangely easy to sever and move forward from. I had dealt with being dumped and being the one doing the dumping, but for some reason all those experiences paled in comparison to how I felt right now.

I shook my head in rueful recollection to the conversation I had with Lennox and Jazz before we embarked on our little operation to try and find out if Prime had feelings for me. Lennox had asked me if I was prepared to ''crash and burn'' if Prime rejected me. The same weak smile ghosted across my lips as I recalled my response to him, ''I'll cross that bridge when I get to it Lennox. If I get it.''

For a moment my eyes stung as tears began to form, but I closed my eyes and blinked them away. Once I had taken a step down the path towards telling Prime how I felt, I had tried not to entertain the thought that things may not work out between us. I didn't want to think about that because somewhere in the deepest part of my soul, the idea of Prime not loving me, not wanting me, was too painful to consider and so - I refused to. I was scared to tell him, unsure how I should tell him, but ever since I realised what it was I felt towards him, I just knew it was real and right. It never occurred to me he might abhorrently think otherwise.

I gave a small wry chuckle as I removed my sunnies and wiped at my eyes. ''Well, OC. That bridge you didn't think you'd need to cross is laying right before you, taunting you.'' I replaced my sunnies and blew a raspberry of defiance and frustration into the air. ''Trouble is I don't bloody know how to cross this bridge and I'm not sure I want to – not yet.''

All at once, my phone vibrated on Relda's hood beside me causing me to jump at the unexpected intrusion into my ruminations. I bolted upright and grabbed the phone, opening the message.

Hey OC.

Look up!

CU SOON.

Lennox xo

A massive smile spread across my face as I looked skyward in relief and anticipation. Sure enough two small black dots had appeared to the north-east, growing larger by the second. I could almost hear the massive engines of the Globemasters rumbling as they winged their way closer towards me. Clambering to my feet, I stood on Relda's hood as though I could be closer to those I cared about.

/Lennox! He's okay/. I had always missed him when he left on a mission, and I had always worried about his safety. Yet right now as I watched those behemoths of planes approach and bank around towards the runway, I was never more grateful and happy to know I would soon see him again. I had missed him terribly and I couldn't wait to see him again.

My heart throbbed painfully, and my breath caught in my throat as my thoughts suddenly turned towards the other ''man'' in my life. /I just don't know if I am ready to see Prime again – not yet/. My facial expression seemed to take on a stony appearance as I watched the two planes line up with the runway and make their descent. ''In a few minutes OC, unless you get in your car and drive away, you aren't going to have an option of not seeing him.'' I exhaled a shaky breath and slowly, carefully climbed down from Relda's hood and opened the driver's side door, removing the keys from my pocket and placing them in the ignition.

The sound of the engines filled my ears and my heart beat faster in indecision and fear. /Quick! What are you going to do?/. The sudden squeal of rubber tyres coming into contact with the tarmac triggered something inside me and I wrenched the keys from the ignition and stood determinedly by Relda as I watched the first plane taxi down the runway towards Hanger 1. ''It's not just Prime on those planes. My friends, Lennox, are there too and I am not going to miss seeing them on account of what's happened with Prime.''

I folded my arms defiantly across my chest as I almost glared at the plane. ''You've got this! Just focus on Lennox and Epps and Rachet and the others if it comes to that. You don't even really need to interact with him.'' Though my words seemed to be filled with confidence, it was a façade. Inside I was desperately trying to sure up the dam walls as they began to crack and falter.

My eyes were fixed to the hulking plane as it lurched to a stop and the ground crew scurried about securing the plane and preparing for those aboard to disembark. I drew a deep breath and waited.

The cavernous maw of the plane opened minutes later and seconds later movement caught my eye. A steady stream of N.E.S.T soldiers began to walk down the ramp onto the tarmac, battle weary and tired. As my eyes scanned their faces, searching for my friends, I found a familiar face amongst them. The handsome man from the bar, the one with grey-green eyes walked down the ramp with several others flanking him. /What was his name? Chase Ryder!/. His face broke into a huge smile as he waved at me and I returned the gesture, eyeing him appreciatively. /He was quite cute. Why the hell couldn't I have fallen in love with him!/. His gaze lingered on mine for a moment until I heard my name being shouted.

''OC!'' Epps walked towards me smiling brightly, arms outstretched. Thoughts of Chase were abandoned as I broke into a run towards my friend, a smile plastered on my face.

''Epps!'' I wrapped my arms around his hulking frame as best I could.

He laughed as he engulfed me in a hug. ''Heya girl! Nice ta get such a warm welcome back.''

I kissed his cheek as I released him. ''Reserved only for the important people such as yourself.''

He chuckled as he was careful not to squeeze me too tight and then released me. ''Well can't argue there OC.'' He winked at me.

I craned my neck around Epps' imposing form to try and see into the plane, ''Hey Epps, where's Lennox? He is okay isn't he? I mean, he sent me a text a minute ago to say you were about to land.'' I tried not to sound too desperate.

Epps simply laughed, a funny smirk on his face. ''Don't worry OC, you'll be able to give Lennox a hug soon. He's alive and well, just seein' ta last minute logistics and likely ensuring the Autobots are all good.'' Epps' smile faded. ''We had a few casualties, but we got 'em.''

My eyes closed tightly, and my heart constricted painfully in my chest. /Prime!/. ''I'm sorry to hear that Epps. The ah, the Autobots,'' I wrapped my arms about myself. ''They all okay? Any, ah, injuries or ah.. ya know..'' I couldn't bring myself to say it.

Epps shook his head and pointed to the plane as he began to back up and head towards the hanger, ''See for yourself OC.'' As if on cue, a procession of vehicles, somewhat dusty and dented, began to disembark from the second plane that had come to a stop. I had been expecting to see a red and blue semi-truck lead them down the ramp, but instead I saw the massive black Topkick, Ironhide, who flashed his lights in greeting as he rolled past me towards the hanger. I smiled and waved at him even as I furrowed my brow. Rachet soon followed as did Sideswipe, the twins and Arcee and I smiled and waved at them in turn. I knew Bumblebee was back in the States with Sam, /but where were Jazz and Prime?/.

My heart beat faster and a heavy, cold feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. It was the strangest feeling. I desperately wanted to see Prime. I ached to see him and yet, I was afraid to. I didn't want to see him. I was suddenly filled with fear and doubt. /This was a mistake! I never should have come here/. I turned on my heel and ran back towards Relda, fighting back tears. My hand had just reached the door handle when I heard my name being called out and the sound of footsteps rushing up behind me. ''OC! Wait!''

My whole body tensed, and I held my hands up before me protectively as I spun about, my eyes closed firmly in fear. ''NO! Please…Don't!'' I couldn't bear the thought of finding Prime's holoform stood before me.

The voice spoke again, concern and pain held within it. ''OC?'' A hand was laid gently on my shoulder, and I flinched at the touch. ''What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy to see me..''

I gasped out loud as the familiar voice registered, my eyes flew open, and I launched myself into Lennox's chest, nearly knocking him over. ''LENNOX! I thought..'' I began to cry, the dam wall breaking as I felt his strong arms wrap around me and hold me tight.

''Shhh. It's okay OC. It's just me,'' he kissed the top of my head, and I buried my face deeper into his chest as I clutched at him for dear life. He was real, he was safe, and he cared about me.

''I missed you so much!'' I sobbed into his chest as I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck.

His cheek lay atop my head, and I felt his chuckle reverberate through me, ''You've never missed me before,'' his lips were once more pressed against my head before he stepped back from me and gently clasped my face in his hands, wiping away some of the tears that had streamed down my face. He had a soft smile on his lips as his gaze swept over my face. ''I missed you too OC.''

I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch as I brought my hands up to cover his. That cold feeling in my stomach dissipated and was replaced with warmth and a sense of calm as I opened my eyes to look at him again. For a moment neither of us said anything as the strangely intimate moment between us passed and Lennox coughed roughly and released me, stepping back. ''So, how are you going OC?'' He looked concerned, though a hint of mischief flickered within his eyes as he continued a beat later, ''Visited any bars lately?''

''Lennox you dick!'' I scowled at him as I furiously swiped away my tears. I lunged forward to hit him in the chest, but he easily stepped aside, laughing.

It was then that I saw him.

Standing at the bottom of the ramp, his azure optics firmly fixed in our direction was the red and blue imposing figure of Optimus Prime. His dermas were clamped together tightly, and his face seemed devoid of emotion save for his optics. They burned brightly down at me as he regarded me intensely.

I drew a sharp breath and froze. Averting my gaze, I ducked behind Lennox's form, a panicked expression on my face as icy waves of embarrassment, longing, and anger rolled over me simultaneously. ''What?'' Lennox barked out in concern as he placed himself between me and the perceived threat. ''What is..'' He began to turn about when he stopped himself, rolled his eyes and sighed. ''You saw Prime, didn't you?''

Biting my lower lip I nodded, feeling somewhat puerile and pathetic. I folded my arms across my chest as I began to cave in around myself. Lennox reached out and placed his hands on my shoulders. ''Do you want to leave?'' He arched an eyebrow at me. I nodded silently as I worried my lower lip for a moment. 'Not ready to see him yet?'' I shook my head vigorously.

I closed my eyes briefly as Lennox put an arm around me and steered me towards Relda's passenger side door. As I waited for Lennox to open the door, I glanced swiftly in Prime's direction. Jazz stood off to his left, a sad expression on his visored face but Prime remained impassive. The only tell that he felt any emotion at all was the way his shoulders seemed to slump slightly, and the corners of his dermas curved downwards in disappointment.

His optics were trained on me like a hawk as our gaze met fleetingly across the expanse of tarmac. Those bright blue optics seemed to soften as they regarded me, a shadow of sadness lurking within them as he silently implored me to approach him. Fresh tears prickled behind my eyes and my bottom lip trembled as I tore my gaze away from him and stepped towards Lennox and the safety of Relda. ''I want to see him, so desperately it hurts, but I also don't want to see him equally desperately -because it hurts.'' I settled in the seat and clipped the seatbelt on. I sniffed back tears as I looked sidelong at Lennox. ''Does that make any sense to you?''

Lennox simply placed a large, calloused hand on my right leg and gave it an encouraging, understanding squeeze. ''Absolutely OC. I get it.'' He looked from me out to where Prime stood, a small, almost apologetic smile on his face. ''Do what you gotta do ta deal with what's happened.''

The sound of a truck's engine firing up and rumbling angrily drew both of our attention towards the ramp of the Globemaster. Prime had transformed into his semi-truck form, Jazz beside him, and in a billow of smoke from his stacks, he rolled off towards Hanger 1. Lennox turned his focus back to me, his expression serious. ''However, OC. You can't ignore Prime forever. Eventually, you are going to have to see him and talk to him.'' I shut my eyes and nodded.

Lennox closed the door and walked briskly around Relda to climb into her driver's seat. He grunted as he placed the keys in the ignition, and she rumbled to life. ''Besides, judging by the way he acted on our little mission,'' I turned towards him, a quizzical expression on my face. Lennox ignored me and ploughed on, nodding his head towards the disappearing form of Prime, ''and by the way he reacted just now to your dismissal of him, I'd say you don't have long before he seeks you out anyway.'' He put Relda into drive, and we rolled forward. ''Are you ready for that?'' I felt his eyes on me.

/When it comes to Prime, seems I am never ready for anything. Not really/. I exhaled deeply and stared blankly out the window as we passed the gaping doors of Hanger 1. I watched as a red and blue flame decaled truck pulled up before the catwalk and transformed, his back to us. I raised my hand to the glass and placed it there silently. ''I guess I will have to be – won't I?''