Author's Note: WARNING...A bit of angst ahead people.

Huge thanks to Coyote-holy and Musical Medli for reviews, much appreciated! And you are right Coyote-holy...here come the emotions... M.M... perhaps you might be right too... keep reading... ;-)

''denotes recalled conversations''

::denotes comm link conversations::

/denotes internal thoughts/

Chapter 49: Goodbye, come back!

Prime P.O.V

/Empty. Silent/. I had knocked on her door several times. When I received no reply, my holoform forced the door open. My scanners, quickly sweeping her apartment, confirmed for me almost immediately that which I feared might be true.

Her belongings were gone.

She was gone.

A cold, heavy feeling settled in the pit of my tanks at the same time a red-hot flash of anger tore through me, and I ground my denta together. ''I need some space''. Her words in that message last night, although they saddened me, seemed harmless. I felt I did not have cause to be concerned by them. Orianna had requested time apart before. During that time, she had simply kept her distance from me until she felt open to seeing me again.

However, as I stood in what was once her loungeroom, my eyes quickly surveying the sparse room, those words took on a whole new meaning and a sense of disbelief and shock swept over me. /I never thought Orianna would seek to leave here. Leave me!/.

In the same moment I was digesting this shocking revelation, Ironhide and Jazz pinged me for my location and sent a quick internal comm. ::Prime. OC is with me outside Hanger 1. She has something – important - she needs to tell you::

::Yeah. Ya better get here – now Prime:: Jazz's voice lacked his usual carefree and upbeat tone.

I growled out loud as I knew full well what that ''something important'' was. ::Understood Ironhide, Jazz. I'm enroute now. ETA approximately six minutes:: I slammed her apartment door behind me in a fit of pique, my holoform storming back downstairs.

/Why? Why couldn't she have come to me, told me, talked to me!/. My engine growled as I shifted through my gears and my tires screeched in protest as they frantically gripped the road. /Would you have listened? Would you have accepted what she had to say?/. I would like to think I would have but, to be honest, I truly did not know.

As I covered the last few miles, it seemed as if every emotion I was capable of feeling, of experiencing, was seeking to make itself known. Yet as the large grey outline of the Globemaster C17 loomed in the distance, and my scanners detected the small woman standing at the base of the ramp, waiting for me, I felt one emotion surge to the fore.

/Fear/.

For someone who had spent countless lifetimes learning the hard way that those we care for are never promised to stay by our sides forever, I had foolishly never entertained the notion that Orianna herself might leave me – in one way or another.

And yet, as I came to a sliding halt before her, transforming rapidly, and kneeling before her in one swift motion, I knew she was about to do just that. And I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not in the least.

''Hey Optimus,'' she looked up at me with those brown and gold flecked eyes of hers. They were red rimmed, and a liquid sheen glistened within them as fresh tears threatened to fall. ''I ah, guess you know what I am about to say to you, don't you?''

I nodded my helm, ''I do, Orianna.'' My optics narrowed darkly for a moment as I fought off the anger that swirled within me.

She dipped her head and wrapped her arms about her waist as she did when she was upset. ''I ah, I wanted to tell you before now, truly I did but…''

''You couldn't.'' I supplied evenly.

She slowly nodded her head. ''I didn't know how.'' A single tear escaped and slid down her lightly freckled cheek and she silently wiped it away, biting at her lower lip.

''I see.'' My voice was low, and, despite my efforts, some bitterness tinged its tone.

Her eyes shot to mine. ''I guess I just keep making mistakes where we are concerned, don't I?''

''As do I it would seem,'' my optics were fixed upon her firmly, my spark pulsed painfully in my chest as I gazed down at her. All I wanted to do was activate my holoform and pull her into my arms. But I knew that course of action would only cause further pain so, with the greatest of difficulty, I restrained myself.

Orianna nodded her head slowly, raising her hand to brush her hair back from her face as she had done a million times before. But now I knew what it felt like to run my fingers through her hair. I knew what it felt like to hold her. She worried her lower lip as she looked up at me once more and I found my optics drawn to them. I knew what it felt like to kiss her, taste her! I closed my optics. /When did this human woman become so very dear to me?/.

''Optimus, I'm sorry. Truly I am,'' her voice quivered, and she took a steadying breath. ''I don't want to do or say anything more to hurt you, to hurt us, which is why I've made the decision…..''

''Forgive me Orianna,'' I interrupted tersely, ''but how could you possibly think that leaving here, leaving me like this, could not be perceived as anything but hurtful to me?''

She flinched and squeezed her arms around herself imperceptibly tighter before she moved her hands to her pockets and awkwardly tapped the black backpack that had been sitting by her feet. ''That's a fair comment Optimus.'' She exhaled roughly as she forced herself to look at me. ''And your censure, your anger – it's deserved.'' Orianna nodded her head as the smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of lips that trembled. ''As usual, you're right.''

''Orianna, it's not about being right and, I am not angry at you as such,'' I chanced leaning a little closer to her. ''Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You are free to pick whatever way forward you feel is right for you. But..''

She chuckled nervously as she sniffed back her tears, ''There's always a but, isn't there.''

I shuttered my optics as she held my gaze and her breath. ''I just wish you could have spoken to me before you made this decision.'' I began to reach for her and her whole body tensed. My servo was suspended in midair for a moment as I registered her rejection. A spark beat later, I ex-vented the pain that seemed to slam into me, and I withdrew my servo, placing it atop my left knee. ''I am angry at myself Orianna, for having forced you into this position where you now feel so uncomfortable around me.''

''Optimus, no..'' She shook her head as her eyes filled with tears yet again and she bought a hand up to cover her mouth in a bid to muffle her sobs. ''S'not all your fault.''

I tore my gaze away from her to look in the direction of our beach. ''We once felt comfortable enough to talk to each other about almost anything.'' My dermas were pulled into a tight line as I turned to look at her once more. ''And now the silence between us is deafening.''

Orianna nodded slowly as she removed the hand over her mouth to dab furiously at her eyes as she erupted, ''And I hate it Prime! I hate that we have lost that connection because of me!'' She gasped several deep breaths as she fought to regain control, ''but maybe we can get it back one day if I just…'' she was shaking her hands about before her in some sort of attempt to calm herself. ''If I just do this now. Give us both like a reset or something. Maybe we can get back to the way things were.'' A bitter laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head and stooped down to pick up her bag, wiping at her blotchy face as she did so. ''Bloody hell Prime! Surely, I can't have any more tears!''

I simply stared at her, my spark pulsing painfully as I watched her collect her bag. I could not offer her comfort in any way as she would not accept it. All I could do was watch as she prepared to leave me. She hefted her bag onto her shoulder. ''I'm sorry Optimus. It was stupid of me to think - to hope – a being such as you could or would love someone like me. Someone not of your kind.''

''Orianna..'' I began to speak, but I silenced myself as I knew there was nothing I could say to make her believe me. Not in this moment anyway. Orianna could be just as stubborn as I could be, and she had clearly made her mind up on her course of action. She would see it through.

She gave a small self-deprecating chuckle, ''As I said to you once before, while I make lots of mistakes, I usually only make them once so don't worry Optimus.'' Her eyes fixed upon me, sweeping over my face as if mapping every contour, scar and plane and committing them to memory. ''I won't make that mistake again.'' The engines of the plane began to whine at a faster pace.

''OC! Now!'' My optics snapped angrily towards the ramp of the C17 and I glowered at the owner of the voice. The mousey brown haired man looked contrite as he addressed me, ''I'm sorry Prime but, we gotta go. Time's up.''

Orianna waved back at the man before she shrugged her shoulders apologetically and slapped her hands against her thighs as she began to back up towards the plane. ''Sorry Optimus. I gotta go. As he said, time's up.''

''So it would seem Orianna,'' I murmured as I knelt before her, helpless to do or say anything to prevent my dear friend from leaving me. /Please stay, don't go! Don't leave me!/. The words echoed around my processor, tore through my spark, and seemed to sit on the end of my glossa. Though they did not pass my dermas.

She walked backwards a few paces towards the plane and, as she set foot on the ramp, she sent a small, teasing smile in my direction as she called out to me. ''Don't forget to take some work-life balance breaks okay Prime?''

I smiled weakly back at her. My spark was breaking, and I had no idea why. It was almost like that day over 4 million years ago when I said goodbye to the only other femme I cared so deeply for. I never saw her again. ''With whom Orianna? The only one I care to spend such time with, is leaving me.''

Orianna nodded silently. ''I'm sure you'll survive Prime.'' She seemed to take one last look around, before her eyes rested on mine. ''You always have.'' Orianna bit her lower lip firmly. ''Look after yourself Big Guy. I'll ah,'' her lower lip began to tremble, ''see you around.'' She said nothing more as she nodded curtly, turned abruptly on her heel, and disappeared from my sight.

''Goodbye Orianna,'' I whispered to the closing ramp as I rose to my pedes. I clenched my servos tightly by my sides. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch a hole in the plane, tear its wings off so she would not and could not leave. But this was her choice. She was doing what she felt was right for her. It would seem I had already been selfish and thoughtless in my actions towards her. I had to let her go even though all I wanted to do was to make her see how important she was to me; how much I DID need her in my life. I just couldn't love her as she wanted me to. I couldn't give her that. /It made no sense. It could never work/.

The plane began to taxi away from me, and I felt my spark lurch in its casing, as if trying to follow her. My optics followed the plane and its precious cargo as it moved further and further away from me. The faintest flicker of doubt began to gnaw at my spark chamber and my processor. The way I felt in this moment, watching her leave me, knowing she would not be in my life indefinitely, perhaps I had made the wrong decision? /Perhaps…/.

As I watched Orianna's plane reach the end of the runway and its engines whined and roared as they prepared to propel the hulking plane into the skies, it hit me like never before.

/Pain/.

I had endured my fair share of pain in my long life, /perhaps even more than my fair share?/. I had survived the pain of horrific injuries borne of battle, the mental and emotional pain required to hold the fate of a dying race in my servos, always putting my Autobot's needs before my own. I had endured the bitter pain of loss. Countless friends and soldiers had lost their sparks during the war under my command, and I had barely endured the spark wrenching pain of losing my beloved, Elita One. Yet this pain I now felt coursing through me, through my very spark, was unlike any I had ever experienced before mainly due to its cause.

The plane sped down the runway and I found myself fighting the urge to scream in anger and frustration. Grinding my denta together almost painfully to stifle the need, I raised a servo to the skies in a pitiful attempt to pull her back to me. /All because a human woman had told me she loved me. A human woman had kissed me/.

Orianna's plane rose sharply into the sky before it banked steeply in an easterly direction. I bought the servo to rest above my spark as I could no longer contain my feelings and a low, mournful groan was torn from my dermas as I watched the woman I cared for more than any other soul, disappear from my sight and from my life.

A heavy, suffocating weight settled around my spark and a cold, bitter feeling enveloped me. ''All because you could not love her back.''