Two weeks had passed since the harsh arrest, two weeks in which Curtis had buried her in paperwork and administration, for her own good, he had told her. Probably to make sure she wouldn't take on another dangerous assignment until she was fully recovered. Her face still bore the scars of the blows she had received, but most areas had swollen up and that was great news. She was no longer afraid every time she looked in the mirror in the morning. It was just hard to hide the yellow/purple/red/blue/black under the makeup so she just stopped trying. Curtis had walked into her office late yesterday afternoon, looking gruff and with a file under his arm, explaining that he had received numerous complaints from a certain NCIS team that was requesting her presence as a liaison officer. And that's why she found herself in the corridors of the base on a sunny morning. She passed the glass door that led to the open space, she could already see part of the team in great conversation.
"Whistler!"
She was the first to be surprised by Jesse's almost too warm welcome. He stood up and came over to her with a hot cup of coffee, which he placed in her hands.
"Welcome home."
She had a good relationship with the team, of course, but Jesse was never usually this welcoming. And the last investigation, while it had ended well, had still left a bitter taste in her mouth.
"Good Morning... Do you have a favor to ask me?"
Kai passed by them on his way to the war room. He gave Kate a friendly smile.
"No, I think he's just trying to apologize for his behavior last time."
Agent Boone glared at him, but his colleague was right, so he quickly gave up.
"It's true. I wasn't very proper with you last time. I'm sorry.
-You were tense. I figured it out later. Thanks for the coffee."
It really made her feel like part of the team and the feeling was very nice. Kai added a layer, though, because just like Jesse, he wanted to make it clear.
"And to be honest, Kate, we really missed you. None of the guys they sent after you were a match for you."
The FBI agent's smile grew even wider. Maybe disappearing for six months wasn't such a bad idea after all. Her heart raced when she heard Lucy's voice behind her back, it had also been two weeks since they had seen each other, since she had fallen asleep on her couch.
"No other undercover missions in sight, Whistler?
-Considering the ton of paperwork my boss buried me under, I think he was clearly trying to put me off forever."
She turned to face her friend and her brain stopped working for a moment. Lucy looked beautiful, as usual. Her arm was no longer in a sling but she could make out the bandage under the tight t-shirt she wore, the sun painted his long black hair with reflections and Kate wanted nothing more than to hug her for a long kiss. She blinked as her ex snapped her fingers in front of her nose.
"Kate?
-I'm sorry! I was dazzled... by... uh... the sun."
She brushed an imaginary dust off her shirt, pretty sure she was blushing like a teenager.
"Were you telling me something?"
Lucy watched her with a smug smile that she just wanted to sweep away with a lick.
"Yes, it's true that it's very sunny this morning." She paused for a moment with a touch of irony before resuming. "I was saying that if it meant you were coming back to work with us, that was great news."
The FBI agent raised her eyebrows, was that a kind word she just heard?
"Really?
-Yes, of course."
She beamed at her before climbing the stairs to the war room. Kate felt Jane's hand on her shoulder before hearing the sound of her voice.
"It's nice to see you here again.
-I'm glad to be back too but... did you instruct them to be so nice to me?
-No, you know me. I may have accidentally slipped in a threat or two during a briefing, but nothing unusual!" They shared a knowing look. Jane struck an exaggeratedly stern pose: "But I still hope you have some interesting information for us."
Kate burst out laughing. They entered the war room together.
The day passed without major incident, no fights, no arrests with weapons, and no need to even wear a bulletproof vest. Kate had worked with the NCIS team on the various leads and they had narrowed the suspects list down to three. In short, it was a good day, and to top it off, she hadn't even gotten any nasty remarks from Lucy. Only she and Jane were left in the office. Kate placed a file on Kai's desk, took a few steps toward a window and looked out at the landscape. The base was slowly emptying of the day shifts, always more numerous than the night shifts. Today had a taste of normality, a taste of the way it used to be: before her relationship with Lucy, before their break-up which had considerably deteriorated the atmosphere, before her departure for Quantico, in short, before.
"Hey, are you coming to dinner at my place? Alex and Julie will be happy to see you.
-With pleasure."
Everything was easy, pleasant, almost joyful. She still missed Lucy, and working with her today had not been so easy, but she could live with it, and in time it would surely get better. Kate gathered her things and grabbed her jacket from the back of a chair. Her time at Quantico had taught her something else as well: no more skirts or heels. Two items of clothing that clearly did not mix well with field work. She was still stylish, because that was her trademark, but her style of dress had changed. Jane followed her.
"Do you mind if we stop by Ernie's first? I forgot to give him some information and he said he wanted to work from home tomorrow morning.
-No problem."
They followed each other in the heavy rush hour traffic, fortunately for them, Agent Malik did not live very far from the base. The two women parked along the sidewalk, in a tree-lined street, a residential area of the island full of small houses, each more charming than the next. Even though the afternoon was coming to an end, the sun was still high in the sky and there was a nice smell of barbecue in the air. Ernie lived in one of the houses on the left sidewalk, a neat lawn out front with a few shrubs and a paved driveway. Jane knocked a few times on the door and agent Malik opened it almost immediately. He wore a slightly playful expression that Kate found strange. But after all, Ernie was often like that: focused but cheerful and always kind. Jane handed him a flash drive.
"The promised files. Sorry I forgot.
-Hey, no problem, come on in."
He opened the door wide to a bright living room and the first thing that stood out was the equipment. Sure there was a laptop on the coffee table, but Ernie was also equipped with a nice size TV, a home theater system, video game consoles and Kate was pretty sure there was a whole bunch of home automation equipment in the house as well. But for the moment, her attention was on something other than the interior design. Lucy was standing in front of the French window that led to the garden, looking as surprised as she was. Ernie watched the silent exchange between the two women before saying in an exaggerated voice:
"Oh Jane, as long as you're here, would you mind accompanying me to the store to get some cat food? My car broke down."
On a 0 to 10 scale to rate Agent Malik's acting ability, the SAC NCIS gave him a solid zero.
"Sure Ernie, with pleasure."
He slid like a crab towards the front door under the surprised gaze of Kate and Lucy.
"Ah thanks, that's really nice of you. The store is a bit far, I think we'll be here for an hour." Faced with the silence stunned by his performance, he thought it best to add. "Or maybe an hour and a half, it circulates a lot at this time. "
Jane pushed him out before he could say anything else. She smiled at the two women, "See you later!" and closed the door, which reopened in the next second with Ernie's head.
"There are beers in the fridge, and wine too, help yourself ok? Oh and chips in the cupboard!" Then someone grabbed his shirt and forced him out for good.
Kate was still stunned by what had just happened.
"Okay..."
Lucy opened the fridge and uncorked two beers.
"Well, since we just got set up, we might as well take advantage of it.
-Did you know about this?
-No, not at all."
She handed a bottle to her ex who followed her onto the terrace where there was a comfortable garden furniture. The two women sat down, a little uncomfortable considering the situation. The atmosphere was very strange. Kate took a sip to spare herself from having to fill the silence and indeed Lucy did it for both of them.
"I guess it's to force us to talk.
-Ah... Because since earlier I've been wondering where Ernie's cat is."
The touch of humor relaxed them slightly. A melodious bird was heard, but it was not enough on its own to make conversation. Kate put her bottle back down and Lucy finally gets to the real subject.
"Six months is a long time.
-I really thought you didn't want to hear from me.
-Why?"
For once, the conversation started without hostility, nobody was aggressive, nobody was defensive either. Kate felt a little feverish, she had the strange impression that her heart was beating like a slave but at the bottom of a long and very deep well. That it was desperately struggling to get out of this dark zone and into the light of day.
"When I made the decision to leave, I tried to call you, several times. I really wanted to tell you in person and..." She was searching for words because she didn't want to start another argument, she wanted to keep her tone reasonable. "I couldn't do it so I left you a message and then I left." She shrugged slightly, as if it didn't really matter when in reality it had hurt her a lot. "And since you didn't contact me back, I figured I must have made the right decision."
She had spent hours checking her phone, and even her voicemail in case there was a bug that might have caused her ex to remain silent. But there had been none of that. No bug, no message, just the absence.
"That it was probably better for you and me to allow us, I don't know, to allow us to get better.
-And did it work?"
Kate had not expected this question at all, not so abruptly, not so quickly. She met Lucy's gaze, determined to be honest and not let it throw her off balance.
"Not at all."
It was the little brunette's turn to be surprised by the direct answer she had just received. She changed her position on the chair, bringing one leg under her.
"But yet, when you came home, after two months..."
She did not finish her sentence because she had no idea how to conclude. Kate was right, she had not given any more news. She had simply concentrated on her anger, obscuring everything else. Kate understood the implicit questioning.
"I saw you, the day after I returned to Hawai'i."
Lucy frowned.
"And why didn't you come and talk to me?
-You were in lovely company, I didn't have the strength to face it."
Kate sighed, took a long sip of beer. The wet bottle had left a circle of water on the table, so she had to hope Ernie wasn't too manic.
"I went home and asked to be assigned on the undercover mission."
Her ex was a little shocked. The wind rustled the leaves of the palm trees. The temperature was falling slowly as the night progressed.
"Kate..."
The tall blonde sat up slightly in her chair.
"You don't have to justify anything, Lucy. And I'm very happy for you, that you find someone and I hope it goes well, I really do. Because you really deserve to find someone who will fill you with happiness, to the level of..." her voice derailed slightly, she immediately recovered "to the level of the joy you can bring around you." Kate laughed sadly, "I know I was very happy with you and it's my fault today that I lost everything." Her gaze wandered to the wet circle on the table because suddenly holding her ex's gaze became difficult. "I don't know if we can be friends, but if we can at least work together, like we used to, like today, in a good atmosphere. I'd like that."
She took a brief breath and straightened her courageous head to face Lucy.
"Because no, walking away wasn't enough to silence my feelings for you at all."
But it was really too difficult and her gaze followed the flight of a bat that was awakening at dusk.
"And I'm going to stop there because I wouldn't want to disrespect the person you're with now.
-I'm not with anyone."
The weight of the answer was almost audible. Kate was convinced she heard the words fall heavily on the ground with a POM muffled by the grass.
"Oh."
That was all she could think of to say now because her brain had just short-circuited.
"I tried because I really wanted to get over you and move on."
It was as if Lucy had just grabbed his heart in his chest and wrung it out, like wringing out a mop. With the same lack of consideration. But somehow it also meant that she had not been able to forget her, and her heart swelled with excitement.
"Because I keep thinking about that promotion you turned down in DC and that must have meant something, it meant that you believed in our story. But then, I don't understand why you didn't tell me about it, or about this opportunity, or about Cara, and in a relationship, you're not supposed to hide things from each other, especially things this important."
They were both hurting from their separation, both still having feelings for each other, and yet there was still this obstacle that kept them apart. Lucy wiped away the tears that had started to fall, she had promised herself to stay calm, not to raise her voice, to keep the conversation open and friendly. And she was trying, but it really hurt. Kate just wanted to sit by her side and hug her, to do everything she could to ease her pain.
"I have no excuse for Cara."
The statement was firm and final. She wasn't going to go back on it, it was a mistake, her mistake, she had acknowledged it, she had apologized. There wasn't much more to say.
"But for the promotion, we were still in the very beginning of our relationship and I didn't want to put that weight on our shoulders. We were too new to be faced with that kind of dilemma. Maybe it's stupid of me but..." her breathing was shaky and she struggled to control her voice. "I didn't mean to blame you for that decision, ever. At that time, it was basically about my life and the feelings I had for you, that I still have for you. There were no big declarations between us, no promises exchanged, nothing was yet very clear around this "us". What I did know was that I was already in love with you and I really wanted to give us a chance, really wanted to make it work because... because I felt that you could be the one. And I still believe that and I... I still love you. And that's what hurts the most."
She didn't know if she had said everything, but in any case, she had certainly said the most important thing. The silence dragged on around them, Lucy was mute and thoughtful, and Kate didn't see what she could add. In fact, there was probably nothing to add. After several long minutes of painful quietude, she finally got up.
" I'll tell Jane and Ernie I'm going home.."
The idea of meeting the team for the investigation tomorrow made her stomach knot up, just as it had when she had returned four months earlier. She was back to square one. Without an answer, Kate left the terrace and crossed the living room, which was not so bright at this late hour. A few lights came on automatically as she passed, diffusing a warm atmosphere in the room. She felt Lucy's fingers around her wrist, still without a word, almost without a sound, but at that moment the silence had never seemed so loud. She turned to face her, her world was in the big chocolate eyes that glistened with unshed tears. With her free hand, Lucy grabbed the lapel of Kate's jacket and pulled her in for a long kiss. They embraced almost immediately in a kiss that intensified and stretched over several minutes of light moans, until they were both moved and panting, one against the other.
"I love you too."
Lucy had said it in a shaky breath. She smiled.
"Do you think it will be enough for you to tell me things now?
-I will not hide anything from you, ever again."
They kissed again, oblivious to the time stretching around them. Lucy's phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans, she didn't even notice it. It was a message from Ernie to let her know that he was at Jane's house and that they could both come and join them, if they were done talking. But then, right now, she was too busy to read it.
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