Disclaimer: I don't own The Loud House, the brand, as well as all of its characters and settings belong to Chris Savino and Nickelodeon, all rights reserved.
Chapter 10: Lingering thoughts.
Lola's P.O.V:
What the HECK was I thinking? Why did I write that? Gosh, I really hope Linky doesn't find me weird after that, I know I wanted the story to have a bit of a dramatic spin, but to have his character and my character be i-i-i-in love!? How did I not stop my hand from writing such nonsense? I could have erased it, I could have just thought about another stupid character getting in the way or something, another motivation for DeLola to go, but no…
I, Lola Loud, just basically wrote a love story about me and my brother, gross! Now I just have to deal with it and keep writing it like a mean it! It's seriously so disgusting!
… and it's equally disgusting that I'm feeling happy, so happy about it.
I… have a problem, I don't need to be more grown up to realize that there's something wrong with me, I have been meaning to find out why I did so much stupid stuff to get Lincoln to talk to me, to notice me, to only hang out with me, and now… I think I finally found the answer, to think that a dumb story of all things would allow me to finally explore my feelings… and to think that I would have probably been better off never finding out about them…
I feel like crying so much, but I know if I do, my Linky will just wake up and confront me about it, I really don't want to bother him, and I certainly don't want to lie to his face about it either… He was so sweet to actually write the story just to spend time with me, so understanding to not get immediately grossed out when reading my awful take on it, so forgiving to actually allow me to sleep with him after how horribly I treated him just today… dang it! He even congratulated me on my writing skills and my attempt of a story, which I clearly just stole from some dull kids shows I barely remember, I bet he knew that too!
No wonder I stopped liking Winston, in fact, no wonder I don't like any other boy at school, how could I? none of them hold a candle to my Linky, every boy I meet, I inevitably end up comparing them to him, and they always, always lose, they only care about looks, they only watch me because I'm at the top, because I have money, they are so easy to manipulate, so given to be treated like dogs, how could I possibly like people like that with zero self-respect? They always listen to my orders, they all follow me like hungry wolves, they never intellectually challenge me, they don't even have a spine to talk all the trash they do about me to my face!
… Ugh, Lincoln really spoiled me out of having normal standards, but then again, he's not at fault for having this weirdo of a sister, he's not at fault for being such a sweet, caring and smart boy, he's not at fault for being superior to all other boys I've met without even trying, like, I always thought the brave knights in the princess fairytales were probably made a little too perfect, that no man could ever compare to them, yet here I am, in the presence of one that gets VERY close. Sure, he could use a little more exercise, and he certainly isn't the bravest when it comes to Lucy's horror games, and he spends a little too much time around his boring group of friends, from that loser geek McBride to that ugly tall freak Stella, gosh I hate her…
But when it comes to fulfilling every single quota on my (Very selective) list for a dream prince, he somehow aces it with no effort, it's almost enraging to think about, why him? Why my own brother!? What would he think about that? What would mom and dad think about that? What would my other sisters think about that? What would everybody think of that? Would I still be at the top in school? Could I even continue my dream at pageants? I don't even know if there are legal implications of it, but 6 year-old me sure as heck would have beaten me to a pulp while calling me gross and a weirdo.
I just knew that it was wrong, very wrong.
I-Is he turning around? Oh no, oh no oh no oh no oh no! I don't want to have to explain why I can't fall asleep, he knows me, he will know if something is bothering me, and I just can't tell him, he will stay away from me for sure, I don't want that, I don't want to lose him, I don't want him to hate me, I really wish I could stop these feelings!
… Wait, he's asleep, now I can actually see his face, it looks so peaceful… I could actually see myself waking up to this sight for the rest of my life…
Hopefully he doesn't wake up, I feel my face heating up, it must mean I'm redder than Lana's cap right now, how didn't I notice just how cute he is before? Those dried up lips look like they could need some humectant, I happen to have some in my own lips, maybe I should… help… him…
*chuu*
… I need help, what the HECK did I just do! I'll just turn around and pretend that never happened, I need to distract myself, there's no excuse to this!
I, Lola Loud, just kissed my only brother on the lips.
…and I loved it.