I arrived home at nine-thirty the next morning, and Kai immediately bundled me upstairs and into bed. The little ones looked scared, and I asked them to lie in the bed with Ranger and me. I figured that, after sleeping in a chair at the hospital, Ranger could probably do with a nap. Besides, he would be able to protect my limbs from our children's starfish tendencies. Kai gave me a painkiller and arranged the horseshoe pillows to hold the weight of the blankets off my legs. He helped us all get settled, then told us that he too was going to take a nap and to call him if we needed anything. I asked the kids to tell me a bedtime story, and I fell asleep as the kids laughed at the story of Bob's farts.

When I woke up, Ranger and the children were gone. The pain had receded a bit, and I felt like I was more able to take on the world again. I sighed, and I heard Kai chuckle. "Are you a little stuck?" he said.

"Yes." I knew that I sounded dejected.

Kai chuckled some more. "How about I plop you on the toilet, and then I'll carry you downstairs. The team should be here soon."

"This will be so friggin' embarrassing to have you take me to the toilet."

"It doesn't have to be. It's just going to the bathroom." I guess he figured that he should get it over with before I truly started freaking out. I think the fact that I was starting to hyperventilate was the clue. He lifted my maxi skirt, took off my diaper, carried me into the washroom, and plopped me on the toilet. "Okay?" he said.

I sighed and nodded. I could feel my face flame, and I was glad that the fabric for my maxi skirt was pooling on my groin.

Kai smiled and left the room.

"Not funny", I said to him as he pulled the door almost closed.

"No ma'am." I could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned against the wall and waited for me. It took me a while, but I was quite pleased when I was able to go. However, then I had to clean myself off, and with that muscle tear it wasn't exactly comfortable. I did the best that I could, but I knew that it wasn't enough. I started to cry.

Kai came in, lifted me, and carried me over to the bed. He had already put a towel down on the mattress, and he got some baby wipes, cleaned my bottom, put on some diaper cream, and put the diaper on. He lifted me again, removed the towel, put away the supplies, and washed his hands. He came out with a wet facecloth and washed my hands, then sat on the bed beside me. "Why are you crying?" he said softly.

"I'm embarrassed. I couldn't even wipe my butt."

Kai smiled. "Did you have a problem changing Tia's and Grace's and Alix's butts when they were younger?"

"No."

"What's the difference?"

"They were babies."

"So? Same body part, just a little larger." He sighed. "Steph, I have had my hands up your vagina, I have given you a breast exam, you have bled over me, Ranger has bled over me, I have cleaned off infected skin from Ranger – and that is just the two of you. People are people, no matter how big or little that you are. I am hoping that you feel better soon, just because I know this is embarrassing to you. But to me? It is no different than diapering a baby. It's just something that needs to be done and there is no embarrassment to it at all. Okay?"

I shuddered in some breaths. "Okay", I said.

"Take a minute to catch your breath, and then we'll go downstairs."

I sighed. "Okay. How long did I sleep?"

"An hour and a half. Ranger and the kids napped for an hour, but then he was afraid that they would wake you up so he asked them to take him through all the bedrooms and show him all the pictures they had drawn. It cheered the kids up."

"They were scared, weren't they?"

"Yes, but there is nothing you can do about it and the only way for you to stop it from happening is to take care of yourself."

I sighed.

"Talk to me."

"I'm struggling to find my happy."

"I'm not surprised. You're in incredible pain and you have some major injuries. Technically, even though you are in your own house, you aren't at home. You are having to rest much more than you want. I understand why you are having trouble finding your happy. Even, just for someone as independent as you are, to have to accept help is hard. Keep talking to me about it, okay?"

"How am I going to hold up all the people who are coming?"

"You don't have to."

"Yeah, I do. But the whole thought makes me want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed. And then I get mad at myself. These are some of my closest friends and my parents who are coming. There is nothing to get overwhelmed about. But I am anyway."

"Do you want to work out a secret sign, something that tells me that you want to get out of there?"

I smiled and chuckled slightly.

"I'm serious. The Queen has the sign that, when she wants to get out of there, she moves her handbag from one hand to the other and her handlers know that she needs to leave. We could have a secret sign as well."

I laughed. "How secret is that if everyone knows?" I laughed again. "How about that I just tell you that I need to go upstairs."

Kai grinned. "I'll look for a handbag for you as well. You know, just in case you want to impersonate the Queen."

"Isn't that a chargeable offence in the UK?"

"God, I hope not. That would be the end of most comedians. Dame Edna would be a goner."

"Isn't he Australian? I don't think he even impersonated the Queen."

"I don't know. I have to admit that I never watched him much. The whole idea of a woman with a deep voice like that freaked me out. I didn't know, for years, that it was a man. It's just like clowns. Those perma-smiles drive me insane."

"I know, right? Clowns are scary. The first time I heard that Ranger liked clowns, I almost broke up with him right then and there. But since he was rescuing me at the time, I figured it would be prudent for me to wait until after the rescue was completed before I mentioned the concept of breaking up."

Kai laughed. "What happened?"

"We talked about it. After he promised me that he wouldn't take me to see the clowns, and that he wouldn't introduce the kids to a clown, I decided to give him another chance. After all, he had rescued me from being deported to Africa. Clowns may not be ideal, but becoming Bobo's sex slave in Africa didn't seem ideal either. I figured being married to someone who liked clowns was the lesser of two evils."

Kai laughed again. "I can see how you'd come to that conclusion."

"It was close though." I swiped my face dry.

"You ready?" he said softly.

"Yeah", I said.

"Just remember. No matter how you have to tell me, as soon as you do I will get you out of there."

I smiled. "Thanks, Kai."